The Christian Mother's Guide Part 2

In my last post I indicated we would delve into the Bible for a picture of what Christian motherhood should look like. If you're a first-generation Christian mom like me, you're hungry for direction and encouragement. 

No matter our background, if we study the heart of God through the relevant verses, and commit our way to Him, our mothering will honor God and strengthen the Church. 

God chooses to give to many woman the role of motherhood. Maybe we'd like to think we've chosen motherhood, but this isn't true. Those struggling with infertility can painfully attest to this fact. 

As mothers chosen by God, our response to God's calling should be: gratitude, humility, sacrifice, commitment--not unlike our response to salvation. 

Today's Verse: Titus 2:4

Each time we meet we'll look at a different scripture. Today I've chosen Titus 2.4: ..."and so train the young women to love their husbands and children."  

First, a little background on the Book of Titus. Paul introduced Christianity in Crete when he and Titus visited there, and when Paul moved on, Titus stayed behind to organize the converts and lead the new church. 

In New Testament times morality in Crete had sunk to a deplorable level. The island was inhabited by natives and Jews who did not know the truth of Jesus Christ. 

The letter from Paul to Titus gave Titus authority and guidance, encouraged him to develop leaders within the church, and to commit everyone to sound doctrine, and to give instructions to all age groups for right living pleasing to our Lord.

Titus 2:3-5 : 3 Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. 4 Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

Titus 2:2 Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance. Titus 2:6-8 Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled. 7 In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness 8 and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us.

Notice in verse 2:5 it says: ..."so that no one will malign the word of God." The New American Standard version says "so that the word of God will not be dishonored." 

Everything we do as Christian mothers matters to God because as wives and mothers we are part of Kingdom-building. We are chosen for reasons higher than ourselves and our family--our husband and children are gifts, but they aren't just for our pleasure. 

I've told myself during the rough patches of my 22-year Christian marriage that we would finish the race not just because we made a promise, but because our marriage matters to God and to the Church.

Likewise, our Christian children matter to God and to the Church. They help build it and grow it.

The commandment here in Titus 2:4 specific to mothers is that we are to love our children.  

In Titus 2:4 the Greek word philoteknos appears in reference to mothers loving their children. Think of: 

- caring for their day-to-day physical needs

- nurturing their spirits 

- embracing them with hugs

- meeting their emotional and spiritual needs

- tenderly taking them under your wing  

In order to love in this way, which sounds all-encompassing--we need God on our team. God never burdens us with any role, so we need not feel overwhelmed. Motherhood is a privilege and we can experience joy in it when we have God by our side.

We have the benefit of God in three persons: 

- God the Father, who gives us good gifts and cherishes and loves us and wants fellowship with us

- God the Son who is our Lord and Savior and example of sacrificial love

- The Holy Spirit who is our Counselor and Teacher and the one who intercedes for us in prayer. 

So, we are never alone. If we feel alone it's often because we've failed somewhat in our personal relationship with God, and that's easy to do.

Who wants us to fail in our devotion to God and family?

Who is the enemy of the Christian family, since the Christian family is so important in building up the Church?

Satan. 

- He wants us to get distracted by the things of this world, so that the needs of our children don't seem as pressing as our own desires.

- He wants to make Sunday the official day of disasters so we'll miss church.

- He wants us to get bogged down in perfectionism so we lose track of the big picture. (The house is probably not going to stay clean until the children leave home. Do what you can and keep loving, and don't get discouraged if "what you can" is barely the laundry and dishes. Delegate when they're ready for chores.)

- He wants us to get in debt so we have to spend more time away from home or more time worrying. 

- He wants us to buy more stuff so we have to spend more time taking care of things, rather than people.

- He wants us to stew about the irritating things people do, so we'll spend time arguing with or punishing people, rather than loving them.

Jesus warns his disciples in the Garden of Gethsemane that "the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak." He wants them to watch and pray with him because he's feeling exceedingly sorrowful about the events about to unfold.

He said to Peter, “Couldn’t you men keep watch with me for one hour?” (Matthew 26:40), and then afterward told them all to watch and pray in order to avoid temptation.

The word for “spirit” in this passage is the Greek word pneuma, which in this context refers to the soul of man or the mind. The word for “flesh” refers to the human body and nature, with its moral and physical frailties.

The story of the disciples here rings true for all of us. We are all subject to the weakness of the flesh.

No matter how much we may want to be wonderful mothers and follow Jesus, we may "fall asleep" on the job unless we heed Jesus's advice to "keep watch and pray".

Prayer

We know that we can ask God for whatever we need. Jesus made a special point that whatever we ask “in His name” He will do (John 14:13). The phrase in His name means “according to His will.” 

Is praying for the strength to love our children well, praying "according to God’s will"? Absolutely! Jesus will answer the prayer for spiritual strength to overcome the flesh. When we feel the weakness of the flesh about to overpower us, we can always pray.

Keep Watch

The apostle Paul said, “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it” 1 Corinthians 10:13. 

We should watch for the “way out.” Being spiritually watchful, we will see the temptation coming and pray for strength and victory. “The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty” Proverbs 22:3.

Our spirits can keep watch by being washed regularly with the Word of God. This keeps us in tune with the very heart of God. 

Busy mothers might benefit from listening to the Word. Particularly with littles, you might be in a season where you'll soak up more Bible using Bible Gateway on audio using your phone. Whatever it takes, wash your mind with the Word. 

You'll run into people who are snobby about Bible on audio--like it doesn't really count for devotions. But there are advantages to both reading and to listening. When you listen you are more in tune to the context of the passages because you go through more passages at once. It's also easy to go through the whole Bible in a year this way.

Psalm 46:1 God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.

Hebrews 4:16 Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

God chose us specifically to love our unique children and fulfill their needs, and as much as some days we may feel ill-equipped or mismatched with their temperaments, this is nonsense--a lie from the Enemy. 

We are perfect for our children, as God is the perfect parent for us.

We have to engage Him as our partner, asking for what we need, knowing humbly that without him we are nothing. 

There is a lot more to cover, including, what do we teach our children and how do we nurture them? Have a blessed day!

The Christian Mother's Guidebook Intro

I've been a mother for over 19 years now and mistakes? I've made my share. Two of my four children overflow with grace for me and the other two might be harboring ideas about my mothering that would haunt me, if I knew the whole of it. They happen to be the stubborn two, if you must know.

Contemplating my mistakes at the end of the day, sometimes unable to sleep, I sometimes wish I wasn't a first-generation Christian mom--saved only five years before my first child was born. How much better would I be doing as a mom if I had the benefit of Christian modeling? 

I confess I'm also guilty of wondering how much better my mothering would be if mental illness hadn't been in the mix for some of my kids--something I've felt ill-equipped to handle. Things became so complicated that I quit blogging some years ago. The teen years mixed with mental illness left me so stretched that I had nothing to say. I've needed ministering to, but mental illness represents territory little understood by my fellow Christians. 

The Holy Spirit doesn't let me get too far with grumbling--this why-couldn't-it-have-been-this-way complaining. I'm aware it is grumbling, rather than trusting in His divine plan, and I'm ashamed when my thoughts turn thus.

I am a Christian, due only to God's divine grace. I get to skip a fiery, forever suffering, through no merit of my own, therefore no complaining allowed. The Creator gets to be sovereign and doesn't suffer any back-seat driving. Isn't that what Job was told in no uncertain terms, when he thought things were a little unfair?

My daughters are 12 and 14, my sons 17 and 19. I have a ways to go, yes, but I have miles to look back on also. 

Let me assure you--God's grace has been with me, every one of these 19 years. If you, too, have trouble sleeping due to mothering mistakes, take heart. 

When upset some nights over my lack of mothering patience, or skill, or grace, I would finally get around to what I should have started the night with.

Prayer. 

My spirit calmed in the quiet darkness after I prayed that God would cover my sins and mistakes with his grace. I thanked him for my beautiful children and for beautiful motherhood, and asked him to take what little I had to offer and make much of it--with his power, his wisdom, his love, his grace.

The kids are all old enough now that I can see it. The Lord has been faithful. He's answered me and his answer is YES! Though needing plenty of guidance yet, my children show wisdom and discernment in making decisions for themselves. They express gratitude for what God has given them in salvation and truth, and they mourn for the lost they encounter at their workplaces and elsewhere.

The Bible is my guidebook as a mother, but I recognize there could be more for mothers in my shoes. I found the Church was not much help because stay-at-home motherhood?  As a topic it remains controversial in the modern church, so the issues that arise for mothers home 24/7 aren't addressed. No one wants to start any mommy wars and who can blame their local church, honestly? 

I know in my own church, there aren't enough stay-at-home moms to form a group at all. There are two Women's Bible studies--one run by a grandmother and one run by two working mothers. 

All Christians sin and we all need God's grace over and over again. We have more in common than we have differences, so do we really need Bible Studies or groups that cater to different lifestyles?

Yes and no.

When I was younger in my homeschooling journey, I read an excellent Titus 2 book by a homeschooling mother and it spoke to my overwhelmed heart in just the right way. It met me right where I was at and I still remember the relief and joy I felt in reading this mother's life-giving words.

I want to write a book that will do that for first-generation Christian moms, and for Christian moms who are parenting children with mental disorders. I want to fill them with joy, confidence and grace in their journeys. It is hard to step into a role for which you had no modeling--no picture in your head for what it's supposed to look like. 

Guess what many of us do when we have no picture? We strive for perfection and crash and burn often. 

What does the Bible say about our role as Christian mothers? Can we form a picture with scripture that will help all moms? I think we can. We'll be delving into the Bible in the next weeks. 

There may be no readers left out there, which is to be expected. But should this reach anyone, let me say I hope you and your family are well and staying sane during this pandemic. God bless you!