Persevering Mom

My girls went to a birthday party last night. It was held in a tiny starter church and the theme was Finding Dory, which they showed on a "big screen" (aka the screen for worship music lyrics). They asked the girls to dress in pajamas and bring sleeping bags and teddy bears. Oh the excitement!

Party hours were 4 PM to 7 PM, during which pizza, cake, ice cream and a snack table were available. Apparently, Mary had some of each because at exactly one in the morning she vomited big time and it was 2:30 before I got to sleep.

The sick ones always sleep in the king bed with me just in case they need assistance again in the middle of the night. I didn't know if this was a virus or a junk food hangover. Hubby set an alarm and slept elsewhere, waking us up at 6:50 as he got ready for church and spoke loudly in the hallway with Paul about the awesome Penn State football game.

Imagine my irritation.

I feel like a zombie and have to clean the house ahead of the daycare week, wash a bunch of linen plus the regular daily loads, and you're waking me and our sick daughter up because of football?

I got up, helped everyone but Mary get ready for church and later got the computer set up to listen to the live sermon broadcast. We watched that, while I observed to see if Mary could hold down sips of water.

The whole time I'm feeling like I'd just studied all night long for an 8 AM final exam. They don't tell you in college that much of your first 18 years parenting a child will mimic that feeling, except for a few summer months when viruses slow down.

Of course it isn't just the viruses. You'll stand in the kitchen and by the washer and dryer for much of the next 18 years, come rain or shine, sickness and in health, especially if you homeschool. The floor will need sweeping and the carpet a vacuuming when you're not by the washer, dryer, dishwasher or stove.

Relentless is the only word that covers it and yet moms don't quit. We persevere with some super human strength I am grateful for, but will never understand. Even us older moms. Even grandmas who are moms to their grandchildren. If we're bedridden, we find a way to mother and delegate from the bed.

Sometimes while sweeping the same floor hours later we feel like Cinderella, who works herself to exhaustion while the evil stepmother and stepsisters live active lives, well-rested and vibrant, always looking forward to something. Other people live life, it seems, while we enable their pursuits. We give things up day after day. The feeling of being passed by, of being unimportant, can be so strong sometimes.

Our Heavenly Father sees us and is well pleased. We work for Him and he says this is good work and I bank my life on that. The servant is blessed in the kingdom of God. The last shall be first. All the more reason to press on without complaining, rejoicing in the growth and beauty in our children's hearts and minds. Sometimes when they're being selfish it seems like we're going backwards, but persevere and trust. Together with the Lord, we're not just cleaning messes, but building a legacy.

Eight Years

Eight long years.

That's how long my 58-year-old husband has been underemployed. Anyone over fifty years old who loses a job faces an uphill battle. Sometimes, these people end up working a few part-time jobs to make ends meet--never again obtaining full-time work. They're overworked, under-paid, with no paid vacation, holidays, or sick time, precious little leisure time, and little to no money going into retirement accounts. What's more, their Social Security will ultimately be reduced by the underemployment, because your disbursement is mostly based on what you earn in the final years.

In all this time, I have persevered, believing my role is clearly defined by the Lord. My children and the home are my primary work. What's more, I believe marriage is for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health, no matter how hard those predicaments are. If my husband suddenly became brain-injured, I wouldn't be looking for another husband.

Just more grace.

Our children are growing, needing more and more food, so last April I started babysitting. Still, we were barely making it to the next payday, despite visiting the local food pantry once a month.

Suddenly, change teased from the horizon.

My husband got a first and second interview for a very good job and I began to hope, feeling that surely now the Lord would bless us. Eight years is long enough to endure priceless lessons in humility, gratitude, and reliance on God.

Surely, right? It must finally be our time.

Despite fasting and relentless praying, they chose someone else.

I was so devastated, you know? I have another family member desperately searching for full-time work after fifty, and I feel her pain keenly. She's been searching for over three years, going on many interviews, working very hard to prepare each time. And still nothing. They always choose someone else.

How do you keep hope alive? How do you keep on keeping on, searching for work and fetching expired cans and rotten lettuce and stinky potatoes from the food pantry, without completely losing it? How do you smile for the children and quote uplifting scriptures? (We are not hungry. Do not gift us...just let me share my path and how I attempt to navigate it for His glory...okay?)

The truth is, the Christian life is like this. Couples pray for babies and remain barren. Sick and mentally-challenged people pray for healing that never comes. Workers pray for jobs that don't materialize. Pastors pray for a large flock...one that never arrives.

Some no answers are temporary, and some for a lifetime.

That's not to say that prayer is a waste of time. Prayer--communing with the Holy Spirit--reminds us of His power and our humble state. Communing with the Spirit is a gift in and of itself.

Jesus didn't die to become our bottled Genie. The Bible tells us that God gives his children good gifts, but a fat bank account isn't necessarily a good gift. We are what we focus on and most of us focus on material needs. We spend a lot of time acquiring and planning to acquire, because to have nothing or not enough seems inconceivable.

When we focus on the material, we'll never have enough.

But when we focus on spiritual gifts? We find a goldmine within our own souls.

I have a choice. I can adjust my gaze, either squarely on my self and my perceived lack, or on Him and his spiritual brilliance and abundance.

The fleshly me sometimes exits the grocery store wishing for a different husband. One who can provide all the food we want, handily. The highest quality available, no less. These are fleeting thoughts that I hold captive quickly, having decided a long time ago that I wouldn't hold my husband accountable for my happiness. Happiness--or joy, rather--is between me and my God, not between me and my husband. My husband has his own battle for joy, and yours does too. We can't add to that burden.

Life, and marriage, are unspeakably hard. Life has always been hard, for every generation, at every historical point. The reasons it's hard may change over time, but no human ever had an easy life.

In the past people died often and young from disease; loss was commonplace for everyone. In the past people depended on good weather for an adequate harvest, and going hungry or eating only the same couple foods over and over was expected at times. War and injustice have ravaged hearts and lands for generations.

Adam and Eve are the only humans who had it easy....until they got cocky and wanted more. Gratitude is the cure for a perceived lack.

But it's not enough to give thanks for your home and family, for your food and clothes. That's shallow gratitude. To feel really full, give thanks for Him. Give thanks for who you are in Christ Jesus.

Take time to dwell there, in His presence. He is your prize. He is the gift. He is the answer. He is the yes you were waiting for. Wrap yourself in His eternal promises. Be quieted by His love.

Happy Thanksgiving to you!

A Housewife Gone Astray

It's Saturday morning. A few hours of heaven on earth in my life. Yes, I still have chores, shopping, and cooking weighing on me (ain't that the truth even on our birthdays and on Mother's Day?), but there is no exact deadline, other than hungry stomachs.

As a homeschooling mom, Saturday did have perks for me, but it's different now. Now it's a huge relief, like the last contraction of an unmedicated childbirth, or like the last hundred yards of a marathon.

Yippee!

And Sunday afternoon and evening? They've changed too. The stress starts to build as I run around, getting the house ready for the next day, knowing that if I don't use my time wisely, I could be up until 2 AM cleaning and planning lessons or crafts. I used to get the Sunday blues as a public school teacher, too, toward the end when I had a lot of behavior problems and dreaded the weeks.

Because non-paycheck moms don't live under intense time pressure (excepting those with kids in a lot of programs) it's easy to get too relaxed and waste time. Poor time management makes it difficult to be a blessing to our families. If we fail to listen to the Holy Spirit's prodding on this, God will correct us in uncomfortable ways.

He promises to make us a spiritual success so we can finish the race. He promises. We need only respond.

I'm about to reveal a sin in my life and encourage you to avoid the same path and stay on higher ground.

Are you ready?

I would recommend every stay-at-home mom make a list of her typical daily pursuits--not how the days would ideally go, but how they actually go. Then, analyze the list to check on your time management. Did you spend two hours on Facebook or surf the Internet too long each day? Did some other guilty escape occupy too much of your time?

Don't be ashamed, but do give this to the Lord. He doesn't ask us to be perfect, but he does desire a responsive heart.

Prior to being forced into this babysitting job, I was spending too much time reading political Internet news. It became a habit that I justified in the name of being a responsible voter in an election year. But really? I was failing to put things in God's hands, and I admired one political person too much, reading everything I could find on him. Twenty to thirty minutes of news a day was probably appropriate, but I let it get out of hand and I didn't respond quickly enough to the Holy Spirit's prodding, or I responded inconsistently--doing better one day and falling "off the wagon" the next.

I'm ashamed before God. I served myself, not my family. It haunts me that my having to babysit is somewhat of a punishment or a correction. I didn't appreciate enough my status as a stay-at-home mom. And in a sense I didn't fear the Lord.

Staying at home to care for a family is a privileged position, not a right. 

To whom much is given, much is required.

I feel utterly exhausted most days and there's not much pleasure in my life right now. There's a lot of dread. I'm not bitter, but I am very, very sorry. God is using this time in my life, creating in me a purer heart, giving me a greater desire to be a godly mom and wife, instead of one who feels entitled and eats the bread of idleness.

Dealing with hard physical or emotional issues can cause us to seek guilty escapes, and those escapes, unchecked, can prove costly. Sin is always costly. It is forgiven, but still costly.

God promises to give us an escape route when we're tempted, but first, we have to recognize and acknowledge our sin. Escape routes mean nothing to a person in denial. 

Live in the light, God commands. Don't hide sin, acknowledge it and let yourself be purified.

God knows women. He knows what reminders we need. Our culture would have us believe men and women are the same, with the same capabilities and faults, but God doesn't seem to teach that.

Titus 2:3-5  Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, 4 and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

Proverbs 31:26-31 She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. ...

The Proverbs 31 woman, by the way, is not one woman. We can't all be great at everything. It's more of a list of admirable qualities we should pray into our lives. If you read it as a description of one woman, you'll surely get discouraged and give up.

A godly woman keeps a quiet time to center herself on Him. She gives the day's troubles to her Master. Like Mary, she says "Let it be to me as you say. I am the Lord's servant." She is unselfish and generous. She takes care of herself, but she doesn't indulge herself. She doesn't feel entitled, but grateful. She loves with her time, with her prayers, with her words and with her body.

When referring to God, godliness means perfection. But in humans, godliness is a submission, a humility...an acknowledgement of our complete dependence on the Savior and Master.

Our behavior is telling, though. It's an accurate picture of our spiritual state. We are told to look for fruit. When our time here is up, we won't be judged on the way we wanted to behave, but on how we actually behaved.

That's why I advise...take an inventory of how you spend your time. If you find error, there's a heart issue that needs revealing and cleansing. Every sin starts with the wrong attitude of heart.

Working moms are forced to be more time-efficient (unselfish with their time). They have a boss and multiple deadlines, at home and at work. A stay-at-home mom can potentially get more done, spiritually and relationally, but only if she lives each day as though God were watching.

1 Peter 1:14-16 As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, since it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.”

I trust God in this, and I don't believe life will be this intensely hard forever. I thank Him for not giving up on me, and for loving me enough to die for me and remake me into His image. 

In the meantime, there are two children who come here for 45 hours a week. If my heart is right, I can introduce the Lord to them and encourage their parents, who really have their hands full with some high-needs children. 

Has the Lord ever corrected you with a major life change? Did you recognize it as such, and how did it come out?

Still Here...

I've been working full-time as an in-home preschool/daycare provider since April 11. I remember this exhaustion and hard work, having done it once before, prior to the girls' births. Using your house as a place of business is an intense practice. There's no relaxing of standards, no leaving things out, no waiting for cleaning until you feel better, or are more rested. There's no going to bed with messy floors or carpets or stray laundry.

There's no sleeping in late, or even getting adequate sleep for that matter.

I care for 3- and 5-year-old siblings who are both handfuls in their own way. I'm struggling to love the 5-year-old, who is extremely strong-willed and snippy. "Please" and "thank you" are not in her vocabulary, and she uses put-downs and sarcasm. While she could never be called sweet, she is fun-loving and sometimes my girls enjoy her company. Often they yearn for the quieter time, before daycare, but at the same time they feel less stressed because we're more likely to make our bills each month.

My kids help a lot and I've taken to giving each of them an allowance.

There are positive things inherent in our new situation. One is that I do enjoy teaching and I'm doing more of that, with two new students on board. Much of what I've done with the preschoolers in science, my own girls have participated in albeit at a higher level. We've done a weather unit, a rainforest unit, and we're now learning about plants and pollinators.

Another positive aspect is that my children are gaining more leadership experience. They're also sharing their faith, their possessions, their food and their home.

The three-year-old has a lot of speech issues, but he's learning his letter sounds, nevertheless. Puzzles are his favorite activity. You might roll your eyes at this notion, but he has what appears to be OCD. He lines up his shoes just so, can't stand any messes, and cries to have his clothes changed when they get even a drop of water on them (for example, from washing his hands). I often feel no wetness anywhere on his clothes. I try to help him realize how dry his clothes really are, but he has fits about this and demands to be changed. There could be other explanations, but even the parents suspect OCD, though for the most part they don't discuss anything about their kids, possibly so as to keep their caregivers.

I have worked hard in the past few weeks to remember boundaries, in that these are not my kids and most of my energy must go to my own children and my husband. It's not my job to transform these kids. or correct what I might perceive to be parenting errors. I'm only making $4.30 an hour, and some goes to food (2 snacks, drinks and lunch) and a bigger portion goes to craft and art supplies. I also had to purchase from thrift stores more preschool toys, since I had given my own away.

Though working on boundaries, I'm still mindful of being a good employee and a loving mentor to them. I'm hugging these kids when they need it in the absence of their own parents, I'm praying for them, nursing their cuts and bruises, filling them with good stories, and reading character-training books in the mornings (from Proverbs this month), followed by daily prayer.

They come from a Catholic family and attend Mass, but they came to us with no concept of prayer, even at meals. The first time the 5 year old heard us pray before lunch, she said:

 "Why are you thanking God, when he didn't even make the sandwiches?"

Her comment made me so grateful that I've been home all these years to disciple my own children. Here was a five year old with little to no knowledge of God. It made me devastated for her and her little brother.

During the first month, she was snippy and irritated every time we prayed. Now, all these weeks later, she often adds requests to our morning prayer time. She looks forward to devotions!

God is using their time here in ways I'm probably unaware of--both for their benefit and ours. My job is to submit and be the Lord's servant. I trust His plan, even if it's exhausting, remembering that many Christians over the centuries have experienced physical exhaustion. What I'm experiencing is nothing novel, and I daresay it's keeping my body fit, being this active.

His promises me everything I need, and I believe Him.

I still want to count my blessing on this blog on a regular basis, but I'm realizing outside of that practice, I can't keep up here anymore. I've tried several times to write in the last 7 weeks, but each time something more pressing weighed on me. I was faithful to the people counting on me here. I need to shift my blogging to shorter blurbs, or give it up. If you're still around checking this blog, I thank you and I appreciate you.

Luke 21:19 Stand firm, and you will win life.

When You Need to Wait

Waiting on the Lord

I have advertised my childcare services for a couple weeks now, and the only response has been attempts by three people to scam me (but I had been warned and was ready).

Oh, Lord Jesus, come. Evil is everywhere and that part is so discouraging.

I have done my mother and teacher and homemaker duties all these days, somewhat anxious but fighting those feelings because I know they lead only to folly.

Food prices have risen steadily and kids keep putting holes in their socks and shoes and growing like mad, and my husband hasn't had a raise in three years. Homeschooling all four children formally now, has also increased expenses, as we try to share resources and still be efficient.

Not to mention, I unnecessarily tightened things further by sponsoring a third child--which I do not regret and for which my husband doesn't begrudge me. We are encouraged in God's word to give back a portion of our incomes, and that goes for us, the low-income people as well. No matter how much we have, it comes from God and giving it back to Him is not scary.

Please don't wonder if we're eating well, because we are, definitely. We're not behind on bills so we aren't desperate, but tell that to my heart, will you?

I need a job and God knows I need a job. We've prayed for other options, but babysitting is the only option that still allows me to invest my whole heart into my children. About employment I've always felt that if one does his or her part, if laziness is not present, if consistency in looking is there, if hope doesn't die and despair doesn't cripple--making it difficult to keep on looking--then the hard work will pay off...and this even more likely for the Christian, whose hope is in God.

Oh, but the waiting. Is there anything other than pride that can cause a Christian to stumble so wretchedly? Yes, I think it's impatience.

I looked for a sermon on impatience before continuing with my Saturday chores, and I found it on a David Mathis Desiring God post. Here is an important excerpt:

Patience is the companion of humility and the enemy of pride. “The patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit” (Ecclesiastes 7:8). It is the appropriate posture of the creature illumined enough to say, “God is sovereign, and I am not.” And it is not our own production, but “the fruit of the Spirit” (Galatians 5:22; 5:5).

Three pointers were given in the article to help us when we're in a period of waiting on the Lord:

1. Renew faith and hope

2. Pray and give thanks (I especially love this one. Giving thanks and praying for others takes the focus off of ourselves, and since that self-focus is part of the problem in fretting, a love-your-neighbor focus is just what we need. (And what our neighbors need!)

3. Remember the patience of God

It's an outstanding article and better than anything I can write, so please, read it if you are waiting on the Lord for anything at all. Maybe you're waiting on a job, for the healing of a relationship or illness, for a child to love, or for the salvation of a loved one or neighbor or friend. God uses our waiting to build us up in Him, for his glory.

The Holy Spirit reminds me that the reason I'm struggling is because I think I know all the answers, and I'm wondering why God isn't catching up to my thinking.

And as always, I have it backwards. God is waiting for me to catch up to his will, not the other way around.

Bless you, friend, as you wait, and here are verses to help.

Verses on waiting and steadfastness:

Psalms 27:13-14 I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living! Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!

Psalms 37:34 Wait for the LORD and keep his way, and he will exalt you to inherit the land; you will look on when the wicked are cut off.

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Isaiah 30:18 Therefore the LORD waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the LORD is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him.

Isaiah 40:31 but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

Lamentations 3:25 The LORD is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.

Micah 7:7 But as for me, I will look to the LORD; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me.

Acts 1:4 And while staying with them he ordered them not to depart from Jerusalem, but to wait for the promise of the Father

Romans 12:12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.

Colossians 1:11 May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy,

1 Corinthians 15:58 Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.

James 1:12 Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.

James 5:11 Behold, we consider those blessed who remained steadfast. You have heard of the steadfastness of Job, and you have seen the purpose of the Lord, how the Lord is compassionate and merciful.

Happy Resurrection Day!

One of the most beautiful times as a Christian is on Easter Sunday when the whole congregation sings beautiful and strong all the songs of hope, redemption, glory, and amazing grace. He is Risen! The three most beautiful words in all the world. 

He. is. Risen. 

This morning there was a really large choir and a brass band and an uber-talented worship leader and my tears and my joy knew no containment. My troubles, eclipsed. My hope, new. I wanted nothing because I had everything.

Then our family got back into the van and trouble resurfaced and not five hours later, life felt heavy again and I was reminded of what hope means. Hope looks forward. If you want hope, go to Him who is the author of hope. 

Congregating with the faithful who are one in Him, our voices rising in unison, our breasts swelling with the breath of Life, singing about His glory and amazing grace...it's as close as it gets to heaven on earth, for me.

When we look for hope on earth we will be disappointed. Too much pain, anguish, hate, disorder, disease, and ugliness. Hope lies within, looking forward to that time when there will be no more sorrow, no more pain.

Revelation 21:3-5 (about end times and the new heaven and the new earth, after this, the "first things" have passed away.)

And I heard a loud voice from the throne, saying, "Behold, the tabernacle of God is among men, and He will dwell among them, and they shall be His people, and God Himself will be among them, and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away." And He who sits on the throne said, "Behold, I am making all things new."

Dear Lord, 
Thank you for the cross and for your precious Son, through which you secured our place in heaven, to live in glory with you forever. Thank you for the hope they have both wrought in our hearts and lives. Thank you for the glimpses you give us here of the new heaven and the new earth. Thank you for the mercy and grace you provide daily that eclipse our pain and suffering. Thank you for the glory of God, and may it shine through us daily. Thank you for our family and friends, who each are gifts from you. Thank you for the most powerful words ever uttered:  "It is finished" and "He is Risen!" We love you!

In Jesus' name I pray,

Amen

John 19:28-30

"It Is Finished"

28 After this, Jesus, knowing that all things were now accomplished, that the Scripture might be fulfilled, said, “I thirst!” Now a vessel full of sour wine was sitting there; and they filled a sponge with sour wine, put it on hyssop, and put it to His mouth. So when Jesus had received the sour wine, He said, “It is finished!” And bowing His head, He gave up His spirit.

Some very famous learned men set out to prove that the Resurrection was a hoax. They studied and studied, but they only found irrefutable evidence that the Lord Jesus rose again. Instead of writing a famous paper that would settle the account once and for all, they gave their lives to Jesus Christ.

God, who makes no mistakes, knew that there needed to be irrefutable evidence of the Resurrection.

If you don't yet know if it's true, I invite you to read about the evidence.

Maundy Thursday and Easter Week With Kids

The bread is rising in the oven, the kids are breaking from school for a quick, invigorating basketball game out front. I'm staring down laundry baskets of clean clothes that need to be folded before our guest comes tomorrow to accompany us to a noon-time Good Friday service.

Such are the goings on here, about 2045 years after Christ celebrated a last supper with his disciples, at which he washed their feet. Maundy Thursday, it is called.

The word Maundy is derived from the Latin word for “command.” The “Maundy” in “Maundy Thursday” refers to the command Jesus gave to the disciples at the Last Supper, that they should love and serve one another. 

John 13:6-10, John 13:12-17

(Jesus) came to Simon Peter. “Lord,” Peter said to Him, “Are you going to wash my feet?”
Jesus replied, “You don’t realize now what I am doing. But later you will understand.”
“No,” said Peter. “You will never wash my feet.”
Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you can’t share life with Me.”
“Lord,” Simon Peter replied, “not just my feet! Wash my hands and my head too!”
Jesus answered, “A person who has had a bath needs to wash only his feet. The rest of his body is clean. And you are clean. But not all of you are.” - John 13:6-10

“Do you understand what I have done for you?” He asked them. “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord.’ You are right. That is what I am. I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet. So you also should wash one another’s feet. I have given you an example. You should do as I have done for you.

“What I’m about to tell you is true. A servant is not more important than his master. And a messenger is not more important than the one who sends him. Now you know these things. So you will be blessed if you do them. - John 13:12b-17

It's so easy for the tyranny of the present to thwart parents' desires to disciple their children. Our young people need fed, clothed, and directed to clean their messes. Tables need set, cleared, and dishes done, trash disposed of, showers and baths taken, pajamas gathered, hair combed...and the list goes on. 

Satan counts on us being too busy to do what's most important as parents. He'll throw us curve balls when we serve in the church, get ready for church, drive to church, endeavor to pray with our kids, pray as husband and wife, and conduct family devotions. He manages to make us too tired, irritated, stressed, mad, and overwhelmed. He causes our children to be uncooperative, nasty to one another, full of complaint. 

Don't let him win during these next four days, which are the most important historically speaking for our faith. Without Maundy Thursday we don't have the second most powerful example of humility ever known to man. Without Good Friday--the blood, the cross--the single most humbling event mankind has ever witnessed, we are nothing. We have nothing. And finally, without the resurrected Christ, the aforementioned blood and crucifixion death mean practically nothing--merely another event in history. 

The Resurrection is everything to us. Everything. And you can't teach the resurrection story well without starting with Maundy Thursday as an introduction. 

I urge all of us to make the most of the next four days, for the glory of God. Don't let the chocolate bunnies and treasured baskets be the only things that stay with them, creating anticipation year after year. 

Do it all in remembrance--out of gratitude and awe, not as ritual, however. We can't let them leave our homes in adulthood without intimate knowledge and awe of the Resurrected Christ. We only have so many years to shape their hearts and lives...and then they're gone.

Resources:

An explanation of Maundy Thursday (Got Questions.org--for parents)

The Creator on His Knees...Preparing for Maundy Thursday (Desiring God blog--for parents)

Maundy Thursday Lesson for Young Children (a Christian mother's blog)

Childrens Lessons for Maundy Thursday, upper and lower grades (Children's Church Bulletins.com)

Do Your Children Understand Easter? (Focus on the Family, five mini-lessons offered in pdf)

Holy Week and Easter Activities for the Whole Family (Focus on the Family)

Happy Easter to you and yours! I treasure your friendship and enjoy our communion in Him.

Simple Woman's Daybook

For Today...Sunday, March 20

Outside my window...

It's supposed to be in the 20's tonight. Crocuses are blooming, the grass is greening but still muddy. It snowed today but after a week of spring temperatures, it didn't stick.

Inside the house...

We give the Easter baskets a week early, so right now there's artificial Easter grass and a couple candy wrappers on the living room floor, plus garden seed packets, a garden map the boys are making, and two large baskets of clothes to fold. Welcome to a house with four kids. I'm learning to take it in stride while still trying to keep up and keep them in line. We do devotions after dinner and sometimes, if it goes long, the living room stays messy until morning...because in my playbook late bedtimes are worse than a messy living room.

And I forgot something else in the living room. Twinkle the hamster--belonging to Mary who waited three years to grow old enough to own one--is going like mad on his hamster wheel while I type. What would I do without that noise and the loud furnace keeping me company while everyone is sleeping?

I am thinking...

That I don't like being 50 years old (my birthday was this month). Life is so very short and youth is fleeting, but I had my turn...now it's my children's turn to be young and vibrant and my turn to share wisdom and escort them into adulthood, which is a privilege and a prayer.

I went to the thrift store for spring clothes for the family, and I had to try on short-sleeved shirts. Not attractive once you hit fifty, let me tell you. Older arms develop sun spots and more freckles from all the years of sun exposure in cars and during summers, and skin is less elastic.

I have en elderly aunt here who wears long-sleeved shirts year round because she doesn't like to show her arms. I was 39 when we moved here and my arms were great, so I thought she was crazy wearing long-sleeves in a rather humid summer climate. Now...I get it! I probably won't ever be quite that vain, but I totally get it.

I am thankful...

For the Lord's grace and mercy, new everyday, for my children and husband, for the power of prayer and humility, for the eighth grade boys' Sunday School teacher taking the boys out to dinner and for laser tag (on his own dime), for Mary's Sunday School teachers hosting a fun event also, for the sweet toddlers in the nursery this morning, and the cute 2 year old who told me I was smart (apparently because I did an exemplary job reading Brown Bear Brown Bear to him :)). Children are non-judgmental and easily pleased. Beautiful human beings!

And I'm thankful that Peter is mature enough now to watch the kids while I go to the store. That has been a recent thing and it's going well so far. Hubby and I haven't been on a real date in years and years, so maybe that can come soon? 

What will we even talk about?!

Well, we best not talk about OCD, or money, or car or home repairs, or arthritis, or Donald Trump, or my husband's obstinate elderly father who lately is meaner than Donald Trump. 

That leaves...what? I can't think of a single thing to say. Help me?

I am wearing...

Blue jeans and a plum-colored sweater.

I am creating...

A profile on Care.com because I need a job. I thought about what I can do from home using my gifts and talents and passions. I love nurturing and teaching children and I love writing. Writing for money would require a great deal of time, so childcare it is.

I am going...

I never go anywhere special...too expensive...though special is a relative word. Nature is God's glory and it's free and it's very special...so there's that. The library, Walmart, the thrift store, the Rec Center that hosts homeschool gym, to parks, to the kids' doctor appointments...that's about it. I'm never bored however; every minute is accounted for and every minute is meaningful when you're with kids all day. Stay-at-home motherhood is not for everyone, but it is a purpose-driven life.

I am wondering...if anyone will read this entry? Stagnant blogs get forgotten fast, but I've avoided putting any pressure on myself to keep this up. After nine years of blogging, I've said everything over and over too many times already. Still, this is a pleasure of mine.

I am reading...

Peace Child.. a missionary book I assigned the boys.

I am hoping...

That my children will serve the Lord all the days of their lives and dwell in His house forever. And that someone will need my babysitting services on a part-time basis...because we have Beth's arthritis appointments to keep up with. I have to work around those.

I am learning...

That each day has enough trouble of its own, and enough blessings, too. You'll never know the extent of God's love and care if you don't count your blessings. You'll discover over and over that you do indeed have enough. Discontent melts away and joy prevails.

In my garden...

I love having a garden but I would never call it "my garden". I'm too busy with the house and meals and schooling to take care of the garden myself. Paul and Peter are planning it together this year. The seeds are purchased and now they're plotting the planting times and measuring the ground.

In my kitchen...

The dinner dishes are waiting for me and can I just say I hate dinner dishes? After seventeen years of marriage and fourteen years of motherhood, I think it's time to pass the dinner dishes onto the boys....at least several nights a week.

In the homeschool room...

Mary is reading chapter books and is much more independent with her school work. Beth, who likes school more than anyone else here, will soon be reading chapter books and she's thrilled. Both girls are doing 3rd grade Teaching Textbooks math, which has been wonderful for them. They love it and they're excelling. The TT guys are far better math teachers than I am!

A favorite quote for today...Psalms 27:14 Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!

One of my favorite things...long-sleeved solid-colored classy tees from Old Navy or other famous makers that are tight enough to show you're a woman, but loose enough to show you're a lady. They're the most practical thing to mother in, since I don't do sweats or sweatshirts. I get dressed to shoes every single day and while I don't dress up, I do want to look put together. They go with jeans and jean skirts and can be paired with scarves and cardigans and I love them! And Old Navy fades so slowly..the tees last a long time. Thrift stores are my only option and I jump for silent joy when I find a high-end long-sleeved tee.

From the board room...The board room? Who wrote these prompts, anyway?The kitchen and laundry room are my boardrooms. After twenty years on a clunky desktop PC, I now type on a Chromebook...so I suppose the comfy blue recliner in the living room is also a boardroom.

That's the state of things here, friend. And how are you?

Why Do We Want More?

We are never satisfied, you know that? It's a sad, sinful fact of human nature, and one of the main reasons Christ had to die for us.

God gave Adam and Eve all they could want and more...and what happened?

They wanted more.

The Pharisees were respected, privileged members of Jewish society...and what happened?

They wanted more. More power than Christ, even. They were so green with jealousy that they essentially killed the Jewish Messiah, whose coming was foretold throughout the Old Testament.

Make no mistake...they knew, and they didn't care. (They didn't know he was the Son of God...just that he was the Messiah.)

Wanting more is evil. Let's call a spade a spade.

Dear God, forgive us.

We are Adam and Eve and the Pharisees. We want more and more, even though You promise to provide. We want more things, more recognition, more power, more security, more of just about anything that feels good.

Why? Why does the serpent have such an easy time tempting us? Do we not count our blessings enough? Do we fail to say thank you? Do we fail to enjoy your presence often enough?

Yes, all of the above.

Dear God, forgive us. Fill us with gratitude so we're thirsty for you, not for more. May we rise above this wretched earth in our thoughts and emotions, and may we bathe in the security of heaven.

The only answer is Thank you. Our response to the Gospel needs to be a heartfelt Thank You. Thank you for dying for us. Thank you for loving us while we were still sinners.

My homeschooling friend and I were sharing that over the years, we've felt elated when the tax refund finally came, because in our one-income lifestyles we desperately needed it every time. Soon, repairs and necessary purchases eat it up. It's all gone and we're deflated. No more cushion. No more security. Back to living by faith, payday to payday.

Why the sadness over the loss of a cushion? God always provides, cushion or no. Yet his faithfulness is not enough for us. We want more than He provides. More of what we don't need, but merely want for our own glory.

I wish I could excise this from my life once and for all, but I can't. I can only recognize it sooner and ask for forgiveness sooner.

I will never stop needing the Gospel, and I can never stop thanking Him for it.

1 Timothy 6: 6-8 Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content.

Luke 12:15 And he said to them, “Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.”

Lamentations 3:22-23 The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

Hebrews 13:5 Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Proverbs 11:24 One gives freely, yet grows all the richer; another withholds what he should give, and only suffers want.

James 4:3 You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.

Ramblings During Insomnia

A member of my family contacted me over the holidays, bringing hurtful barbs. In fact, it pretty much ruined my Christmas Day, and I've been in a slump since then.

I was shamed for "treating my mother so badly". I had to again ask for no contact until my mother moves away from denial and into a 12-step program. Looking back, I'm sorry I even responded at all. Ignoring the contact would have been better for my family, who doesn't understand why I'm struggling.

The whole grieving process is starting again and I feel anger and other raw emotions. While I didn't suffer loss in the traditional sense, I recognize the stages of grief nevertheless. Practicing gratitude--my ingrained way of handling tough spots--isn't working as well, but it's helping some. There are no shortcuts I suppose, to any kind of grief. We can't make a list of blessings and then expect that all will be well with our emotions.

Still, gratitude helps with endurance in anyone's life. We all need endurance to run the race for the glory of God.

Daily I see the effects in my life of my mother's choices, and yet at the same time I know we must accept the past and move on, practicing hope and love and gratitude and intentional living. However, there's this heaviness I just can't brush off. Is it partly the hormones of my 49-year-old self? How can I know and what can I do?

Anxiety, I am learning through research, comes and goes in our lives and the best thing we can do is to avoid fighting the anxiety. By itself, anxiety is harmless. It's when we try to get rid of it that we run into problems. Acceptance of it is key. It will leave soon on its own anyway, like the breezes that blow in summer.

Instead, a common response is to experience anxiety about the anxiety, which only produces more anxiety. I suppose an analogy is the phenomena of bees chasing us when we react to their presence with panic. Or is that only me?

I have anxiety about how my kids will turn out. Surely it would have been better for them to be born to a mother without a dysfunctional upbringing? I'm not as light-hearted and healthy as I want to be. I don't laugh enough. Though I'm kind and gentle enough, I'm not bold and full of confidence.

And I keep causing myself more stress, as though I don't have enough already.

One of our new-in-2015 Compassion correspondent children suddenly disappeared from our Compassion account in late December. I made contact with Compassion to make sure he was okay, and they told me his sponsor of eight years cancelled the sponsorship. Brayan is 14 and still needs a great deal of encouragement, especially having lost his father to death from undisclosed causes. I knew it was likely the sponsor never wrote to him, and that is why they assigned Brayan a correspondent. He would have received only one letter from me by December, because we just got him in the fall, and it takes 2 to 3 months for a letter to arrive.

I was using the chat feature of Compassion's customer service, and as I read the clerk's responses to my questions, I was torn about what to do. I knew we would only be able to keep encouraging Brayan if we decided to sponsor him. Otherwise, he could be picked up by a totally new sponsor, or not at all, which would be devastating and confusing to him. Not all sponsors write, and the writing is just as important as the $38 sponsorship money that allows him to participate and receive the maximum benefits Compassion can offer.  How would that feel like hope at all, if he had to leave the program for good? How could he believe in hope still? Wouldn't that just confirm that he doesn't matter? That he isn't worth anyone's time or money? I felt it was best for us to step up, so there would be some consistency in the message from God's people.

So I typed back...we will sponsor him. I was elated to do it, and so were my kids, but I'm still not sure it was the right thing. The truth is, we can't really afford it and I haven't told my husband yet. My plan is to take the money from the tax refund and put it into an account that would only be used for the sponsorship, to ensure there will always be money for it.

Now, it is somewhat likely, but not guaranteed, that God will honor it, but I know my husband wouldn't approve. It was wrong to do it without talking to him first, but I know I have greater faith than him generally, about God wanting to provide for all our needs. And oftentimes, it's about redefining what is truly a need, verses a worldly want. A lower standard of living is not always a bad thing. There's evidence that it works for our good, according to His purpose.

But, it was still wrong not to consult my husband, who is the rightful spiritual leader of our family.

I know my tendency to want to help the world, sometimes to my own detriment, is one result from my upbringing. Those of us growing up in a dysfunctional home--a certain category of us--have an intense desire to "rescue" people. It's a dysfunctional drive because it doesn't always come with discernment, and we get too much of our identity from it.

Last year, my word for the year was discernment, for this very reason. I thought I was doing better but I also just recently volunteered for something else at church (just a once a month thing, on top of my teaching the Trek AWANA kids). Was it the right thing, considering that the OCD issues with my son are such a huge source of stress already?

Or does concentrating on other people make it easier to put our problems in perspective?

I hope I made the right decision with Brayan, and it did appear that time was of the essence. I guess I knew if my husband were consulted, the answer would be no. And what did I teach my children...that deception is okay for a good cause? I told them I would tell Daddy soon, and I plan to, but another thing just broke around here, so now is not the time.

Sometimes it seems like I am screaming inside, while trying to hold it together on the outside. There is no one in the flesh to confide in about such personal things. Since I don't know anyone experiencing similar issues, no one is likely to understand anyway.

That leaves just me and God. God and me. I could lose my entire family tomorrow, and then it would really be me and God. God and me.

What I need to remember now is that my peace comes from Him, not from favorable circumstances. Not from an easy, comfortable life, devoid of heartbreaking issues. My peace comes from knowing He loves me. From knowing he is waiting for me. From knowing that he chose me. From knowing that this life is like a passing breeze, compared to what He has planned for me in eternity.

Sometimes, it's only writing that brings me back to these eternal truths. Writing is like praying...like crying out to a gracious God, who hears me and leaves me with peace.

Hope for 2016

Romans 12:12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer

This post is because not all of us had a great 2015. It's okay. You can say it. Some years are just bad, and sometimes it's two in a row. 

I wish I could say something to myself and to you to make it okay or better. But sometimes life is excruciatingly hard, and there's nothing we can do but cling to the life boat that is Jesus Christ. We must pray through and believe, even when prayer is the last thing we feel like entering into. 

We have to go through the motions because continuing to do so is what it looks like to live out our faith. When today looks bleak and tomorrow doesn't look any better, we don't give up and quit the race, dejected or angry. We stay in and hope. We believe that God is good and that he's working all things for the good of those who love him, who are called according to His purpose.

Gratitude is hard during these periods; it takes more reach, more soul-searching to walk in true thankfulness. Some days, there might only be three things on your list: God, salvation, children. That's a start. Keep reaching for more. When there's something heavy on your heart, gratitude is what allows you to get above the water and take a breath. Keep taking breaths. 

Trust God. Lean not on your own understanding. 

Remember what this feels like, because eventually, God will have you comfort someone who's despairing. You're doing the homework now for that some-day assignment. 

Yes, there is a purpose for everything. Your sorrow has a purpose. It's not your fault. It's not a character flaw.

My word for 2016 is Hope. My hope is in Him. I choose to hope in his love for me, in his faithfulness, in his provision, in his timing, in his goodness. Hope is a word that sounds somewhat desperate, doesn't it? Hope is a word you choose when you're at the end of yourself.  It's a word you choose when you feel like life is a runaway raft headed for the waterfall.

Hope is believing a rope will come along soon, to pull you to safety. You can't hope unless you believe. You can't believe unless you encounter Christ and His Word on a regular basis. 

Read, Pray, Believe, Hope. Then repeat.

Happy New Year! Happy Believing and Hoping!

Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.

Romans 8:26 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.

Christmas Thank You to Nurses

Beth had to get an infusion of her Orencia on Christmas Eve, and they gave her a rainbow bear! All of the staff at Akron Children's Hospital have been phenomenal in their care and love of my children over the years. I want to say thank you to every nurse out there. So many times I've been moved to tears by your love and tenderness toward my children. Merry Christmas, and thank you for your steadfast, tireless service to children and families.

Blogging as Therapy

There's never time enough, it seems, for a mother to take care of her own needs. Blogging (journaling) is a form of therapy for me, but it crossed my mind over the years that maybe if I blogged less, the house would be cleaner and I would be more organized and stay organized. Not to mention, get more sleep, since most of my blogging is a late-night event. I wondered...if the house was cleaner and I was more organized, and well-rested, would there be less stress around here?

Well, no.

The last ten days--ten days of no blogging--have been extremely stressful, though not without blessings. My son Peter's moderate-to-severe Obsessive Compulsive Disorder has us in survival mode. A cluttered house is so. not. the. problem.

Ten days is the longest I've gone without blogging since my first blog post on December 16, 2007. I started on another blog with our real names, and switched to this anonymous blog after two years.

Why is blogging so therapeutic?

The answer for me is that as I write, my jumbled thoughts line up in a neat row and clarity comes to me. The Holy Spirit's teachings then penetrate my heart better.

Some of you know that I cut off contact with my functioning alcoholic mother nearly two years ago, and after that I learned about the set of characteristics common to ACOA (Adult Child of an Alcoholic). Any adult who grew up with a toxic parent would share at least some of these characteristics (listed below), whether alcohol or drugs were involved or not.

Adult Children:

...guess at what normal is.

...have difficulty in following a project through from beginning to end.

...lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth. (I think this particular characteristic is more seen in severe alcoholism with abuse present as well. A couple neighbor children here display this compulsive lying. It's surmised that these children can't handle the truth of their situations, so they make things up to create a better story. If this persists over time, they lose the ability to easily discern what is lie and what is reality, and they have a harder time managing lies because they've told so many.)

...judge themselves without mercy.

...have difficulty having fun.

...take themselves very seriously.

...have difficulty with intimate relationships.

...overreact to changes over which they have no control.

...constantly seek approval and affirmation.

...feel that they are different from other people.

...are either super responsible or super irresponsible.

...are extremely loyal, even in the face of evidence that loyalty is undeserved.

...tend to lock themselves into a course of action without giving serious consideration to alternative behaviors or possible consequences. This impulsivity leads to confusion, self loathing, and loss of control of their environment. As a result, they spend tremendous amounts of time cleaning up the mess.

I regularly feel the pain of several or more of these characteristics. And unfortunately, the more I realize how crippled I am by these, the more I hate my mother's choices and how they affected me and my brother and sister. Forgiveness is so not a one-time event. The only way I can keep praying for and forgiving my mother and step-father is to imagine them as babies and toddlers, unaffected by dysfunction and unable to inflict pain. Their combined choices were very, very costly for me and my siblings.

While I didn't become or marry an addict, as some adult children do, I did marry someone who I felt needed rescuing (classic codependency). I do love my husband and am committed to a life-long marriage, but that doesn't mean I got into this for the right reasons. We are low-income because of my dysfunctional choice. My children suffer because of my dysfunctional choice. I suffer because of it. God in his graciousness, however, had me stay single until I both became, and met, a Christian. That my husband is a Christian is an act of incredible grace toward me and my children. 

An elderly, mostly house-bound neighbor came over to use the phone last week. He said he watches my children play in the front yard and he can't believe how happy they seem. It's true, not just a kind comment. They are happy. Not all the time, due in large part to inherited anxiety disorders, but they know how to have fun. They are not growing up in a dysfunctional home, which is tremendous progress for my family line.

Our friend Dean, over for dinner to do more drywall for us, stayed for family prayer and said in his prayers that our house is full of love. Having bipolar himself, he knows something of the angst inherent in mental disorders. He knows our struggles, but he still thinks this house is full of love.

That comment, too, reminded me of the enormity of God's grace in my life. A house full of love? What could be better?

What's missing is an acceptance of self. Call it self-love, if you will. I'm a grateful person, not inclined to focus on the negative, except when it comes to me, personally. I give myself so little grace.

As a Christian, it's necessary to realize that God doesn't erase consequences of sin. He showers us with grace, but the final fix comes in heaven. That doesn't mean that our dysfunctional starts have to define us, however. When it comes to healing our personal wounds, it doesn't matter so much why we're in pain, really. It usually isn't helpful to lie on some couch and talk about the past. Cognitive behavioral therapy is all about changing thinking and behavior. 

Therapy is helpful in identifying the cognitive distortions involved in personal pain. Going forward, when I feel pain and turmoil, I'll look at this list and try to identify what distortion matches my current thinking, and try to emerge from its oppression.

Here are the most common distortions therapists see in their practices, and if you've ever experienced anxiety or depression, you probably have some of these distortions going on, though depression can be strongly chemically based as well.

I hope something on this list helps you. My son Peter and I have both found them helpful. They aren't anything like the Holy Spirit's influence, but I think psychology can certainly complement Christian teaching. It just can't replace it or overshadow it.

The Lord saved me, and he introduced me to true love. I am rich with love. Now, if only I could show kindness to myself.

All-or-nothing thinking: You see things in black and white categories. If your performance falls short of perfect, you see yourself as a total failure.

Overgeneralization: You see a single negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat.

Mental filter: You pick out a single negative detail and dwell on it exclusively so that your vision of all reality becomes darkened, like the drop of ink that discolors the entire beaker of water.

Disqualifying the positive: You reject positive experiences by insisting they "don't count" for some reason or other. You maintain a negative belief that is contradicted by your everyday experiences.

Jumping to conclusions: You make a negative interpretation even though there are no definite facts that convincingly support your conclusion.

Mind reading: You arbitrarily conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you and don't bother to check it out.

The Fortune Teller Error: You anticipate that things will turn out badly and feel convinced that your prediction is an already-established fact.

Magnification (catastrophizing) or minimization: You exaggerate the importance of things (such as your goof-up or someone else's achievement), or you inappropriately shrink things until they appear tiny (your own desirable qualities or the other fellow's imperfections). This is also called the "binocular trick."

Emotional reasoning: You assume that your negative emotions necessarily reflect the way things really are: "I feel it, therefore it must be true."

Should statements: You try to motivate yourself with shoulds and shouldn'ts, as if you had to be whipped and punished before you could be expected to do anything. "Musts" and "oughts" are also offenders. The emotional consequence is guilt. When you direct should statements toward others, you feel anger, frustration, and resentment.

Labeling and mislabeling: This is an extreme form of overgeneralization. Instead of describing your error, you attach a negative label to yourself: "I'm a loser." When someone else's behavior rubs you the wrong way, you attach a negative label to him, "He's a louse." Mislabeling involves describing an event with language that is highly colored and emotionally loaded.

Personalization: You see yourself as the cause of some negative external event for which, in fact, you were not primarily responsible.

Giving Thanks and Balm for the Weary

Giving Thanks for His indescribable gifts...

~ That he promises to finish the work he started in us. How amazing is that? And how comforting?

~ Hot cocoa with my kids on slow-start days. Just being together is a gift.

~ Stories in the easy chair.

~ Christmas stories from the library as a Christmas month tradition. Not all Christmas traditions cost money!

~ Living in the freedom of homeschooling and deciding myself what is best for my kids.

~ Daytime hugs whenever we need them.

~ Trek AWANA kids at church. I love our small group of 8 lovely young people.

~ Homemade whole wheat bread with honey.

~ Advent verses and reading-through-the-Bible plans keeping us busy.

~ Watching children learn the discipline of prayer.

~ Learning that I don't have to get it all done each day. The Lord is gracious and his yoke and burden, light.

Matthew 11:29-30 "Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS."For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."

More verses for the weary.

John 16:33 I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

Philippians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Matthew 11:29 (different version) Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

Isaiah 40:28 Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable.

Proverbs 3:6 In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Matthew 28:18 And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.

1 Peter 1:13 Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.

Giving Thanks - 12/2

Colossians 3:23 And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.
I'm thankful for...

~  the Lord, who promises his presence, his love, his grace for always.

~ the freedom to express my love for God freely.

~ the freedom to say the word Jesus and to love Jesus.

~ an upcoming vein surgery to relieve varicose vein pain.

~ good, loving relationships at home.

~ loving children.

~ God's love, provision, mercy, grace, faithfulness, forgiveness, strength.

~ God's Word.

~ a nicer, thrifted Christmas tree.

~ nicer, thrifted ornaments.

~ homeschooling.

~ beautiful, exciting reading progress.

~ a wonderful letter from our Compassion teen Sheila who lives in Uganda.

~ a friend doing some drywall work for us.

~ scientists spending years of research on OCD and juvenile rheumatoid arthritis, which helps my children live higher quality lives. Though sometimes very stressful, our situations are vastly improved over past generations.

~ his mercies that are new every morning.

~ hope.

Lamentations 3:23 They are new every morning: great is your faithfulness.

What are you thankful for this week?

So Thankful

Psalm 28:7 –The LORD is my strength and my shield; My heart trusts in Him, and I am helped; Therefore my heart exults, And with my song I shall thank Him.

So thankful...

~ for 4 amazing children with whom I love spending my days.

~ that God provides faithfully and graciously.
~ for a faithful, hardworking husband who forgives readily and loves much.
~ for other amazing young people I've grown to love from AWANA.
~ for Christian friends.
~ for continued academic progress.
~ for 4 children who love Jesus and each other.

~ for the Lord's grace and the Holy Spirit's encouragement as I battle migraines.
~ that I am a daughter of the King and in Him I have a wise, faithful, perfect Father.
~ for the transforming power of God's Holy Word.
~ for Thanksgiving blessings.
~ for Paul, who turned 12 earlier in November. He's a terrific son and Christ-follower.

Paul at 5 years old 

Paul at 12 years old

Beautiful Mary

~ for my daughters who are best friends and so imaginative and playful.

My daughters at 18 months and 3-and-a-half

My daughters at nearly 7 and 9

Psalm 95:1-6 – O Come, let us sing for joy to the LORD; Let us shout joyfully to the rock of our salvation. Let us come before His presence with thanksgiving; Let us shout joyfully to Him with psalms. For the LORD is a great God, And a great King above all gods, In whose hand are the depths of the earth; The peaks of the mountains are His also. The sea is His, for it was He who made it; And His hands formed the dry land. Come, let us worship and bow down; Let us kneel before the LORD our Maker.

What are you thankful for today?

Parenting: A Dance of Self-Sacrifice

James 1:17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.

Right now I'm full of joy, but earlier today misery visited. It's not Mother's Day or anything, but my gratitude spills over as I think about my four sleeping children.

The boys’ OCD continues to be a monumental challenge. A few times a week my hands go up to my hair in frustration; a good hair tug is just what I need. You know that expression “pulling out my hair”? I don’t exactly pull it out, but screaming in frustration would be too stressful to my housemates, and I can’t get in the car without my children and just drive off the stress, so hair pulling works. Tension is released and at the same time I remember that we are on this earth as pilgrims for a nano-second, passing through. OCD is a temporary problem.

It's a testimony to God's grace that I sit here and declare my gratitude...because this is a hard road we're on.

But back to parenting joy…I just love these precious ones so much. They are such good company, so warm and delightful and funny and sweet. The greatest privilege in life besides serving the Lord, is serving one’s children. Watching them spread their wings, guiding them with love and scripture, honoring them with my time and attention and devotion…it’s all so rich.

The longer I do this, the more I realize that a great parent is a selfless parent. We make little decisions all day long about the extent to which we’ll deny ourselves. Each little decision matters and together they influence the content of a child's memories. A self-denying parent sows fond memories, while a self-involved parent sows neglect and eventual disdain.

Will I forgo a few minutes of reading to peel apples for the kids? Will I set the 600-page classic novel aside to do a hands-on lesson my girls need, rather than just giving a math worksheet? Will I set aside the messy house to read library books to my kids, even though what I’d rather do is send the children outside so I can vacuum, sweep and dust—something which makes me feel better, even though the books make them feel better? Will I keep going forward with the next important thing, using my time wisely, or will I go to the computer to check my email and then get distracted with that news story about Marco Rubio's supposedly-disastrous finances?

All these decisions matter for eternity. My parenting matters for eternity.  I can model self-sacrifice or self-indulgence, a love for God or a love for myself.  I can have lofty ideas and goals, but what really matters is my behavior, not my intentions.

Good intentions don’t rear spiritually, emotionally, and intellectually well-balanced young people. Self-sacrifice does.

Lay down your life. Fade to the background. Be the wind their wings crave. 

Fill up on God, not self. Give from the abundance God provides, for the Christian is never empty-hearted. The Living Water is ours to drink from. We need not ever thirst again.