Persevering Mom

My girls went to a birthday party last night. It was held in a tiny starter church and the theme was Finding Dory, which they showed on a "big screen" (aka the screen for worship music lyrics). They asked the girls to dress in pajamas and bring sleeping bags and teddy bears. Oh the excitement!

Party hours were 4 PM to 7 PM, during which pizza, cake, ice cream and a snack table were available. Apparently, Mary had some of each because at exactly one in the morning she vomited big time and it was 2:30 before I got to sleep.

The sick ones always sleep in the king bed with me just in case they need assistance again in the middle of the night. I didn't know if this was a virus or a junk food hangover. Hubby set an alarm and slept elsewhere, waking us up at 6:50 as he got ready for church and spoke loudly in the hallway with Paul about the awesome Penn State football game.

Imagine my irritation.

I feel like a zombie and have to clean the house ahead of the daycare week, wash a bunch of linen plus the regular daily loads, and you're waking me and our sick daughter up because of football?

I got up, helped everyone but Mary get ready for church and later got the computer set up to listen to the live sermon broadcast. We watched that, while I observed to see if Mary could hold down sips of water.

The whole time I'm feeling like I'd just studied all night long for an 8 AM final exam. They don't tell you in college that much of your first 18 years parenting a child will mimic that feeling, except for a few summer months when viruses slow down.

Of course it isn't just the viruses. You'll stand in the kitchen and by the washer and dryer for much of the next 18 years, come rain or shine, sickness and in health, especially if you homeschool. The floor will need sweeping and the carpet a vacuuming when you're not by the washer, dryer, dishwasher or stove.

Relentless is the only word that covers it and yet moms don't quit. We persevere with some super human strength I am grateful for, but will never understand. Even us older moms. Even grandmas who are moms to their grandchildren. If we're bedridden, we find a way to mother and delegate from the bed.

Sometimes while sweeping the same floor hours later we feel like Cinderella, who works herself to exhaustion while the evil stepmother and stepsisters live active lives, well-rested and vibrant, always looking forward to something. Other people live life, it seems, while we enable their pursuits. We give things up day after day. The feeling of being passed by, of being unimportant, can be so strong sometimes.

Our Heavenly Father sees us and is well pleased. We work for Him and he says this is good work and I bank my life on that. The servant is blessed in the kingdom of God. The last shall be first. All the more reason to press on without complaining, rejoicing in the growth and beauty in our children's hearts and minds. Sometimes when they're being selfish it seems like we're going backwards, but persevere and trust. Together with the Lord, we're not just cleaning messes, but building a legacy.

A Housewife Gone Astray

It's Saturday morning. A few hours of heaven on earth in my life. Yes, I still have chores, shopping, and cooking weighing on me (ain't that the truth even on our birthdays and on Mother's Day?), but there is no exact deadline, other than hungry stomachs.

As a homeschooling mom, Saturday did have perks for me, but it's different now. Now it's a huge relief, like the last contraction of an unmedicated childbirth, or like the last hundred yards of a marathon.

Yippee!

And Sunday afternoon and evening? They've changed too. The stress starts to build as I run around, getting the house ready for the next day, knowing that if I don't use my time wisely, I could be up until 2 AM cleaning and planning lessons or crafts. I used to get the Sunday blues as a public school teacher, too, toward the end when I had a lot of behavior problems and dreaded the weeks.

Because non-paycheck moms don't live under intense time pressure (excepting those with kids in a lot of programs) it's easy to get too relaxed and waste time. Poor time management makes it difficult to be a blessing to our families. If we fail to listen to the Holy Spirit's prodding on this, God will correct us in uncomfortable ways.

He promises to make us a spiritual success so we can finish the race. He promises. We need only respond.

I'm about to reveal a sin in my life and encourage you to avoid the same path and stay on higher ground.

Are you ready?

I would recommend every stay-at-home mom make a list of her typical daily pursuits--not how the days would ideally go, but how they actually go. Then, analyze the list to check on your time management. Did you spend two hours on Facebook or surf the Internet too long each day? Did some other guilty escape occupy too much of your time?

Don't be ashamed, but do give this to the Lord. He doesn't ask us to be perfect, but he does desire a responsive heart.

Prior to being forced into this babysitting job, I was spending too much time reading political Internet news. It became a habit that I justified in the name of being a responsible voter in an election year. But really? I was failing to put things in God's hands, and I admired one political person too much, reading everything I could find on him. Twenty to thirty minutes of news a day was probably appropriate, but I let it get out of hand and I didn't respond quickly enough to the Holy Spirit's prodding, or I responded inconsistently--doing better one day and falling "off the wagon" the next.

I'm ashamed before God. I served myself, not my family. It haunts me that my having to babysit is somewhat of a punishment or a correction. I didn't appreciate enough my status as a stay-at-home mom. And in a sense I didn't fear the Lord.

Staying at home to care for a family is a privileged position, not a right. 

To whom much is given, much is required.

I feel utterly exhausted most days and there's not much pleasure in my life right now. There's a lot of dread. I'm not bitter, but I am very, very sorry. God is using this time in my life, creating in me a purer heart, giving me a greater desire to be a godly mom and wife, instead of one who feels entitled and eats the bread of idleness.

Dealing with hard physical or emotional issues can cause us to seek guilty escapes, and those escapes, unchecked, can prove costly. Sin is always costly. It is forgiven, but still costly.

God promises to give us an escape route when we're tempted, but first, we have to recognize and acknowledge our sin. Escape routes mean nothing to a person in denial. 

Live in the light, God commands. Don't hide sin, acknowledge it and let yourself be purified.

God knows women. He knows what reminders we need. Our culture would have us believe men and women are the same, with the same capabilities and faults, but God doesn't seem to teach that.

Titus 2:3-5  Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, 4 and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

Proverbs 31:26-31 She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. ...

The Proverbs 31 woman, by the way, is not one woman. We can't all be great at everything. It's more of a list of admirable qualities we should pray into our lives. If you read it as a description of one woman, you'll surely get discouraged and give up.

A godly woman keeps a quiet time to center herself on Him. She gives the day's troubles to her Master. Like Mary, she says "Let it be to me as you say. I am the Lord's servant." She is unselfish and generous. She takes care of herself, but she doesn't indulge herself. She doesn't feel entitled, but grateful. She loves with her time, with her prayers, with her words and with her body.

When referring to God, godliness means perfection. But in humans, godliness is a submission, a humility...an acknowledgement of our complete dependence on the Savior and Master.

Our behavior is telling, though. It's an accurate picture of our spiritual state. We are told to look for fruit. When our time here is up, we won't be judged on the way we wanted to behave, but on how we actually behaved.

That's why I advise...take an inventory of how you spend your time. If you find error, there's a heart issue that needs revealing and cleansing. Every sin starts with the wrong attitude of heart.

Working moms are forced to be more time-efficient (unselfish with their time). They have a boss and multiple deadlines, at home and at work. A stay-at-home mom can potentially get more done, spiritually and relationally, but only if she lives each day as though God were watching.

1 Peter 1:14-16 As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, since it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.”

I trust God in this, and I don't believe life will be this intensely hard forever. I thank Him for not giving up on me, and for loving me enough to die for me and remake me into His image. 

In the meantime, there are two children who come here for 45 hours a week. If my heart is right, I can introduce the Lord to them and encourage their parents, who really have their hands full with some high-needs children. 

Has the Lord ever corrected you with a major life change? Did you recognize it as such, and how did it come out?

Maundy Thursday and Easter Week With Kids

The bread is rising in the oven, the kids are breaking from school for a quick, invigorating basketball game out front. I'm staring down laundry baskets of clean clothes that need to be folded before our guest comes tomorrow to accompany us to a noon-time Good Friday service.

Such are the goings on here, about 2045 years after Christ celebrated a last supper with his disciples, at which he washed their feet. Maundy Thursday, it is called.

The word Maundy is derived from the Latin word for “command.” The “Maundy” in “Maundy Thursday” refers to the command Jesus gave to the disciples at the Last Supper, that they should love and serve one another. 

John 13:6-10, John 13:12-17

(Jesus) came to Simon Peter. “Lord,” Peter said to Him, “Are you going to wash my feet?”
Jesus replied, “You don’t realize now what I am doing. But later you will understand.”
“No,” said Peter. “You will never wash my feet.”
Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you can’t share life with Me.”
“Lord,” Simon Peter replied, “not just my feet! Wash my hands and my head too!”
Jesus answered, “A person who has had a bath needs to wash only his feet. The rest of his body is clean. And you are clean. But not all of you are.” - John 13:6-10

“Do you understand what I have done for you?” He asked them. “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord.’ You are right. That is what I am. I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet. So you also should wash one another’s feet. I have given you an example. You should do as I have done for you.

“What I’m about to tell you is true. A servant is not more important than his master. And a messenger is not more important than the one who sends him. Now you know these things. So you will be blessed if you do them. - John 13:12b-17

It's so easy for the tyranny of the present to thwart parents' desires to disciple their children. Our young people need fed, clothed, and directed to clean their messes. Tables need set, cleared, and dishes done, trash disposed of, showers and baths taken, pajamas gathered, hair combed...and the list goes on. 

Satan counts on us being too busy to do what's most important as parents. He'll throw us curve balls when we serve in the church, get ready for church, drive to church, endeavor to pray with our kids, pray as husband and wife, and conduct family devotions. He manages to make us too tired, irritated, stressed, mad, and overwhelmed. He causes our children to be uncooperative, nasty to one another, full of complaint. 

Don't let him win during these next four days, which are the most important historically speaking for our faith. Without Maundy Thursday we don't have the second most powerful example of humility ever known to man. Without Good Friday--the blood, the cross--the single most humbling event mankind has ever witnessed, we are nothing. We have nothing. And finally, without the resurrected Christ, the aforementioned blood and crucifixion death mean practically nothing--merely another event in history. 

The Resurrection is everything to us. Everything. And you can't teach the resurrection story well without starting with Maundy Thursday as an introduction. 

I urge all of us to make the most of the next four days, for the glory of God. Don't let the chocolate bunnies and treasured baskets be the only things that stay with them, creating anticipation year after year. 

Do it all in remembrance--out of gratitude and awe, not as ritual, however. We can't let them leave our homes in adulthood without intimate knowledge and awe of the Resurrected Christ. We only have so many years to shape their hearts and lives...and then they're gone.

Resources:

An explanation of Maundy Thursday (Got Questions.org--for parents)

The Creator on His Knees...Preparing for Maundy Thursday (Desiring God blog--for parents)

Maundy Thursday Lesson for Young Children (a Christian mother's blog)

Childrens Lessons for Maundy Thursday, upper and lower grades (Children's Church Bulletins.com)

Do Your Children Understand Easter? (Focus on the Family, five mini-lessons offered in pdf)

Holy Week and Easter Activities for the Whole Family (Focus on the Family)

Happy Easter to you and yours! I treasure your friendship and enjoy our communion in Him.

Hope for 2016

Romans 12:12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer

This post is because not all of us had a great 2015. It's okay. You can say it. Some years are just bad, and sometimes it's two in a row. 

I wish I could say something to myself and to you to make it okay or better. But sometimes life is excruciatingly hard, and there's nothing we can do but cling to the life boat that is Jesus Christ. We must pray through and believe, even when prayer is the last thing we feel like entering into. 

We have to go through the motions because continuing to do so is what it looks like to live out our faith. When today looks bleak and tomorrow doesn't look any better, we don't give up and quit the race, dejected or angry. We stay in and hope. We believe that God is good and that he's working all things for the good of those who love him, who are called according to His purpose.

Gratitude is hard during these periods; it takes more reach, more soul-searching to walk in true thankfulness. Some days, there might only be three things on your list: God, salvation, children. That's a start. Keep reaching for more. When there's something heavy on your heart, gratitude is what allows you to get above the water and take a breath. Keep taking breaths. 

Trust God. Lean not on your own understanding. 

Remember what this feels like, because eventually, God will have you comfort someone who's despairing. You're doing the homework now for that some-day assignment. 

Yes, there is a purpose for everything. Your sorrow has a purpose. It's not your fault. It's not a character flaw.

My word for 2016 is Hope. My hope is in Him. I choose to hope in his love for me, in his faithfulness, in his provision, in his timing, in his goodness. Hope is a word that sounds somewhat desperate, doesn't it? Hope is a word you choose when you're at the end of yourself.  It's a word you choose when you feel like life is a runaway raft headed for the waterfall.

Hope is believing a rope will come along soon, to pull you to safety. You can't hope unless you believe. You can't believe unless you encounter Christ and His Word on a regular basis. 

Read, Pray, Believe, Hope. Then repeat.

Happy New Year! Happy Believing and Hoping!

Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.

Romans 8:26 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.

3 Christian Marriage Essentials

Though neglected in this season of life, I do notice something about this blog: roughly 40 to 80 people a month land on this post: An Open Letter to Unhappy Christian Wives.

For the Church that's reason to grieve. Often when I pray about the anonymous readers, wondering what brought them to that post, I wonder: What can the Church do to save Christian marriages?

Here are some compelling marriage stats from a Christianity Today article:

In her newest book, The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages, Shanti compiles some stats and conducts some research of her own on marriage, and specifically, what makes for a happy marriage.

53% of Very Happy Couples agree with the statement, "God is at the center of our marriage" (compared to 7% of Struggling Couples).
30% of Struggling Couples disagree with the statement, "God is at the center of our marriage."

She writes, "Highly happy couples tend to put God at the center of their marriage and focus on Him, rather than on their marriage or spouse, for fulfillment and happiness" (pg. 178, Highly Happy Marriages). (See her book for the methodology.) Dr. Wilcox finds that "active conservative protestants" who attend church regularly are actually 35% less likely to divorce than those who have no religious preferences. In all cases, notice the active element of the faith commitment. "Nominal" Christians, however, those who simply call themselves Christians but do not actively engage with the faith, are actually 20% more likely than the general population to get divorced—perhaps there is a link between putting on a show in the religious and relational context.

With this data in mind, here are three considerations for those desiring an enduring marriage:

1. Focus on God, and on the marriage the Holy Spirit is working out.

Trust God implicitly to mold yours into a godly marriage, regardless of how it looks today.

If God is at the center of a marriage, than it stands to reason he's at the center of both the husband's and wife's individual lives. However, if not, you can't force your husband to read the Bible. Focus on what you can do spiritually, and pray for your husband. Don't nag or be antagonistic. Your faithfulness and patience will be rewarded. The Holy Spirit will change hearts--any open heart, that is. Keep your own heart open using prayer and the Word as cleansing agents. A closed, bitter heart is the beginning of the end.

Your marriage is only as good as your reliance on Him.


2. Don't be a Christian in name only.

A nominal Christian has one to two feet in the world at all times, and the world destroys the sanctity and beauty of Christian marriage. If you're a nominal Christian, good luck with that 50th anniversary thing. It probably ain't happening.

Keep your feet and heart and head out of the world. Forsake the world's ways and save yourself and probably your marriage and kids, too. Ask God if you're a nominal Christian. His answer is all that matters, and it will be clear enough. Just ask. The Holy Spirit will then step in and clean house.


3. Remember what you deserve, and what you were given instead.

End entitlement in your heart and practice gratitude. God has given you exactly what He thinks is good for you. You don't agree with him? Be obedient anyway, just like you would expect from your children, who don't always know what's best.

Here's my story: My marriage is hard, but there are no on-going resentments. We aren't fighters. Moments of tired irritation occur for both of us, but that comes with having special-needs children. Special needs press in on a marriage. Date nights and all the other tricks to keep the home fires burning? They're a dream to couples dealing with children's problems. Such marriages thrive by the grace of God, not because of date nights or anything planned.

A godly marriage doesn't have to look romantic or ideal. It has to have a rock-solid foundation--which is Christ--and two flawed people extending grace toward one another, continually. When you look at your partner, look with Jesus glasses. Jesus sees a sinner in need of grace. Can't we do the same?

The Holy Spirit continually reminds me that I am receiving in Jesus Christ's far more than I could ever hope or imagine. Aren't the vast majority doomed to hell, sadly? The Bible overflows with love toward me and my husband, and because of that we want to honor God with our marriage. It's as simple as that. Gratitude. Our marriage is a gift to God, not to ourselves. Though with this perspective, the marriage is mutually satisfying. It does turn out as a gift, but not from each other. A gift from God, rather.

When you look at marriage-success advice, you'll see date nights and enough sex and other things the couple is supposed to do. But every family has a different situation. Some are caring for aging parents; some are caring for other special needs; some couples have disorders or diseases themselves. Many are exhausted and nothing about their lives looks ideal--for years on end, not just for a season. Are these couples doomed, without the date nights and all the sex and the candle-lit anniversaries?

What about, say...the Pilgrims from 1620? They came here and endured years of hardship, often with no privacy or security of food or life. Fifty percent perished the first year. Survival was the only thing on their minds, and yes, sometimes God has this kind of existence for us. All through history life has been very hard and from that perspective, our modern-day "date nights" are comical. 

Commitment, and faith in something greater than themselves, held the marriages of old together, not date nights. You either live for yourself, or you live for Someone greater. Nothing legacy-worthy comes from living for ourselves. The me-centered leave nothing behind, except the echo of their selfishness.

It's not about whether we remember anniversaries (July 3rd and we usually remember too late), or whether we buy gifts for one another (we don't), or whether we go to marriage retreats (we never have), or whether we spend time alone (maybe 20 - 30  minutes before sleep, a few nights a week). My husband's got an aging father to attend to, first of all.

It's about finishing the race we started on July 3, 1999, for His glory. There's no stopping, turning back, or wishing we chose differently. God is writing the story and we already know how it ends.

For his glory and our good.

How Comfortable Are You?

My earthly father is 76, and unsaved. He's living in the Philippians currently, with his young Filipino wife (fifth wife). They lived in Las Vegas for years and just recently moved. I emailed him the other day following a news report about a typhoon, but it was in the north; his area was unaffected.

Something he wrote in his long email back gave me an opening to talk about the Lord, so I gave an invitation to both of them to accept Christ.

When dealing with family, evangelism is risky. I've been rejected before by other family, and it looks as though it's happened again.

And they took offense at Him. But Jesus said to them, "A prophet is not without honor except in his hometown and in his own household."
- Matthew 13:57

And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or farms for My name's sake, will receive many times as much, and will inherit eternal life.
- Matthew 19:29

Oftentimes, being a Christian is extremely costly. When it's not costly, we're playing it too safe and God never promised safe. He never promised we'd have a lot of people to love us. He never promised loud, lively family parties at holidays and birthdays. When one's own family rejects you because of the Gospel, it's particularly painful and lonely.

The more comfortable we are here, the less comfortable we'll be in heaven. The less comfortable we are here, the more comfortable we'll be in heaven.

Live for that because you can bank on it.

Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me. "For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. "For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?… Matthew 16:25

If someone asks..."What's your ambition in life?" What will you say? 

My ambition is to love God with all my heart, and with all my soul, and with all my mind, even when it makes me extremely uncomfortable. 

Be willing to suffer pain and loneliness and rejection, for the sake of the Gospel. For the sake of one more soul...because the Lord goes to great pains to chase that one.

Don't go for popular, or fashionable, or lovable. Go for the camel's hair and the locusts and honey like John the Baptist, who got the job done because he lived for one thing. Souls.

The god of this world labors hard to make it all about us. The God of Heaven labors hard to make it all about souls. 

Who will you follow?

Gratitude Journal

Some of these are blessings that come through tears, and some are no-strings-attached blessings. One thing my life story teaches me is that a blessing is whatever situates you at the Lord's feet, either to adore Him, or draw strength from Him.

~ My daughter Beth's arthritis seems to have spread to the knuckles in both hands, but despite that, she remains happy, energetic, and is still intent on drawing prolifically, hoping to illustrate books some day. She inspires me, which helps me absorb the disappointment that God is thus far choosing not to heal her aggressive arthritis (despite using all the medicines available). However, she is not in a wheelchair, which would have been her fate in the past. We still have much to remain thankful for with modern medicine.

~ My husband's steadfast, genuine love.

~ My daughters' sweet hugs and kisses multiple times a day.

~ Though my Peter struggles mightily with his OCD, he still pledges allegiance to God and believes that through God's strength, he will beat this. It's very stressful for the whole family, but the siblings mercy him and pray for him, rather than resent him. And for that, I'm very grateful.

~ The blessing of homeschooling.

~ Learning to love people for themselves, and not for what we hope them to be. As soon as we let go of our expectations, we can truly appreciate the people God has strategically placed in our lives. When you're grading a paper, expectations are good. When you're training children to clean up after themselves, expectations are good. When you're trying to love your fellow man, expectations can get in the way.

"While we were sinners, Christ died for us." He loved us, despite our flaws. Trust is conditional--people have to earn and maintain our trust--but love should be unconditional. That's not to say you stay in proximity of people who are abusing you. We can unconditionally love someone just by praying for them consistently. We can't bring ourselves to pray for someone unless we've allowed, or forced, our heart to love them.

~ Instead of co-teaching AWANA Cubbies (preschoolers), I'm co-teaching AWANA Trek this year, which is the middle school club. I'm enjoying that very much.

~ Children growing in knowledge of the Lord and His ways.

~ God's amazing provision, which never fails.

~ Wisdom and stamina from the Lord, as I deal with health issues and homeschooling and scheduling.

~ New kind lady friends at church, one of whom I co-teach with in Trek.

~ That God loves story and gives us all a personal, compelling story--stories that reflect his glory and fill us with living water.

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The One Thing You'll Never Regret

Romans 11:36 For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen.

Do you worry about the future and what it holds for your children?

As a mother I have legitimate reason to worry about my children, but I try not to. When the waves of despair threaten me, I do a stubborn about-face and go in search of joy, instead.

God is too powerful, too gracious, too faithful, for me to fret. I know it's a sin, besides.

But the signs are all there. Signs of series mental illness in more than one of my children. One, who previously wasn't a source of much worry, is displaying early bipolar signs.

It's hard not to feel terror when I assess the situation and see the tell-tale signs.

That's one side of my life circumstances.

The other is this: my children delight me with their love, their sibling relationships, their unique intelligences, their sweetness, their evangelistic efforts with more and more neighbor children.

I see their gifts, their huge hearts, their worship of the Savior, and I'm overjoyed.

Life is like that...like a teeter-totter. On the one hand is immense joy, and on the other hand, intense sorrow.

When I'm at my best spiritually I know the Lord's holding it all in balance; there isn't a single detail he's going to forget about, or fail to cover for in his ultimate plan.

I don't have a crystal ball to see the adult outcome for my affected children, whether it's missionary work, a lucrative self-employment, a professorship, or even a subsidized apartment on disability. Success or failure, I can't predict. The statistics don't help me, because the mentally ill can get by fine, or they can falter, crash and burn.

I have no control at all. We're stubborn and sorely mistaken when we insist we yet wield some control over the future.

So much happens to the adolescent brain and my little girls may not escape something mental themselves. Mental illness can get worse or first appear around that time, and usually persists for a lifetime, at great cost to loved ones and to the sufferers.

I've learned to do the only thing I can do--I spend an inordinate amount of time pointing my children to Jesus, the Healer.

Maybe you don't have these concerns with your own children. Maybe everything about their futures looks promising.

Still, you don't have any control either. I highly recommend spending an inordinate amount of time pointing them to the Savior. 

It's the one thing you'll never regret.

Or the one thing you'll wish you'd done.

If it's the former in your case, your child's life will reflect His glory. His glory with eclipse any pain, suffering, or sadness. And let me tell you...these aren't just some soothing words on a screen. They're my reality.

He. is. faithful. Hallelujah.

Hebrews 1:3 He is the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of his nature, and he upholds the universe by the word of his power. After making purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high...

Josh Duggar's Demise, Part 2

The latest Josh Duggar scandal--a Christian catastrophe--is shattering enough to write about not once, but a few times, as we glean what we can from it and move forward as a Church body.

In this post I want to flesh out Satan's role a bit more in Josh's demise, and then in another post I want to respond to the woman who asserted that Anna Duggar's parents failed to empower her, and that as mothers we should be teaching our daughters to "breathe fire".

If Anna decided to divorce her husband the Church would not stand in her way due to the adultery, though if she entered what's called a covenant marriage, (legal in three states) she would have to go to counseling for a couple years with Josh before deciding to leave him. I know nothing about the nature of their union, but I feel confident she's not actually stuck. If he proved to be unrepentant over time, she would undoubtedly do what her prayers tell her is best for her children.

For the record, I'm personally trying hard to mercy Josh Duggar, who my heart wants to despise. As a Christ follower I know hating him is not an option for me, anymore than it is for his wife, parents, siblings, in-laws, or church family.

Josh is not off the hook by our mercy, however. Church discipline is waiting for him, I imagine, which I pray will completely humble him before his Savior and fellow Christians. His hardest fight yet, which he may have already begun in May--after canceling his Ashley Madison accounts in the wake of the molestation scandal--is to fully repent and allow God to heal him from his sexual addictions.

What's sure to prove true is that Satan will not let go of Josh easily.

Addiction is the ugliest of human problems, stealing the soul and leaving massive destruction in its wake. It starts with one poisonous thought put in us by the enemy: I deserve this.

~ I deserve more clothes, more furniture, a nicer home or car...
~ I deserve the most exciting and thrilling intimate experience imaginable...
~ I deserve my computer time...my gaming time..
~ I deserve a "high"...to have a little fun and feel uninhibited...
~ I deserve all the comforts the world has to offer...
~ I deserve social media because all the other people are doing it... (a popular teen mantra)

What do humans really deserve? Hell.

Period.

Though I need to qualify this with a heavy side note: This sentiment of what we deserve need not be an excuse to enable someone in their addiction, or to allow people to abuse us. We aren't supposed to participate in the sins of others (including as victims) and both addiction and abuse are sins. As such, distancing and protecting ourselves from these people is sometimes absolutely necessary and healthy and moral. Additionally, we should do everything we can to secure the release of moral prisoners, such as those caught in human trafficking. As people created in the image of God we do deserve dignity, and so we should do everything we can to fight spiritual and physical poverty.

We are the created and our destiny is in the Creator's hands. The gift of free will can sometimes make it seem like we have control, but choice is not the same thing as control. The Creator holds ultimate, overriding power in our lives and in the universe.

Those using Ashley Madison accounts thought they had control, but God's proven otherwise.

As Believers, we enjoy the knowledge that he works all things for our good. What this really means is that He molds our hearts so that our will eventually intersects with his. What it doesn't mean is that things will always be easy. It's our ultimate good he's after, not always our immediate good.

What does God our Creator offer us, and what did he offer Adam and Eve?

He offers everything our souls truly crave: Eternity and beautiful, soul-deep fellowship with Him, both in Heaven and while we wait for him here. A few encounters with Him are not enough; we need continual fellowship to benefit from the soul food he offers, and it's only when we break fellowship with Him and hide or deny our sins instead of confess them, that Satan gains a stronghold.

One of the best defenses against Satan besides prayer and bathing in the Word? It's to hold captive for Christ the thought that we deserve a particular thing. Another important and related defense is gratitude. The grateful person does not seek pleasure as a false god.

The Ashley Madison hacking was orchestrated by God, I believe, to give the Church and the nations a wake-up call. Let's pray it works. Not only are there suspected suicides from it, but divorce attorneys, therapists, and even pastors will have plenty of work in the coming few years, as God cleans house.

Before the Ashley Madison scandal leaves the news cycle, we need to ask ourselves...what does he need to clean up in my heart? 

Name it, gouge it, and pray it out of your life.

Be a 24-Hour Christian

James 4:13-16 Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil.

So many times when things have been tough in my life, I've wondered deep inside: "How will I get through this?"

I'm stronger now in middle age than ever before, but I'm still often drained by the effects of the sin curse and everyday problems.

"How will I get through another school year with Peter's OCD? How will he?

"How will I get through another year of perimenopause, with the hot flushes in earnest now and the headaches worse than ever?"

"How will I make the tithe next week?

How will we afford private colleges costing $45,000 a year?

What if the major drugs Beth is taking for her arthritis lead to cancer or infertility?

How will I get through that speech, that test, that appointment?

How will I keep up with the homeschooling and the house? 

You often hear people say that God spoke to them. God told me to do this or that. It's hard not to feel skeptical about such statements, but once in a while, I really do feel God speak to me directly.

Today was one of those times, during church in fact.

Peter often cries quietly in church (and during devotions) because anything spiritual triggers his OCD. I can't tell you how hard and hurtful it is to see these tears, knowing how much my son loves the Lord. His type of OCD is called scrupulosity and it's centered around thoughts of sin and Satan--fears and thoughts that he loves Satan rather than God, or that he is going to turn to a life of sin. The thoughts and fears are so powerful that even though they don't make sense and aren't consistent with who he is, he has a hard time dismissing them.

Mind you, these are all very typical OCD thoughts. For hundreds of years other OCD sufferers have had the exact same thoughts and for a time, before OCD was better understood, this particular manifestation of it was termed religious melancholy.

I've counseled Peter many times that it isn't the thoughts that make him ill. It's his reaction to them.

The same can be said of all of us. It isn't our hardships that make life so challenging. It's our reaction to them.

Peter and I tiptoed out of service, so I could calm him down before his youth class started, scheduled right after service. When I counsel him, I don't reassure him about the specific thoughts, because that makes the condition worse. Families, unknowingly, make OCD worse by participating in their children's rituals, which only perpetuates the harmful cycle.

Instead, I reminded him that: Yes, this disorder is cruel and excruciatingly hard, but he needed to remember that we are on this earth just a nano second, and then Paradise begins and never ends. We don't know why God allows babies to be born who can't speak, hear, walk, roll over, or eat. We don't know why he allows children to be in drug-addicted homes, or children the world over to be abused and left for dead.

It is endless, the appalling things God doesn't stop on this earth. We can't comprehend how God can be loving, and yet so willing to allow excruciating pain. We blame him for not making the world a kinder, gentler place.

Eve, in the Garden of Eden, blamed God, essentially, for creating the serpent who deceived her. And Adam? Didn't he blame the woman God gave to him--so in essence he blamed God, too?

But God is not responsible for the sin curse. Our free will is. He decided to punish us, but we decided to sin. Indeed, we wouldn't have done any better in the Garden of Eden than Eve or Adam did. They truly represent us, in all our childish, sinful ways.

God is only asking you, Peter, to endure this OCD for a nano second, compared to the plans he has for you in Paradise. That's how he can allow such pain in your life, or in anyone's life. He knows the magnitude of your joy in Heaven, compared to your trials here on earth.

Your OCD, I told him, will not always be this bad. Through God's grace, you will learn to accept the thoughts and not fight them or panic over them. Your nervous system will cease it's fight or flight reaction every time an awful but senseless thought occurs in your brain, and the cycle will be broken. You will feel free again, though there's no cure on earth. Eventually, the thoughts, in times of stress, may still appear, but will become faint background noise you can ignore.

The same is true for us. The longer we live, the less we will despair over our trials. The longer we live, the greater the grace we'll be willing to extend to others. The longer we live, the more we'll be willing to say: To live is Christ, to die is gain.

Peter, listening to me intently, told me he realizes more every day that he was created to do mission work. His heart leaps for joy over the prospect of mission work, and he fears his OCD will mess that up.

24 hours, I told him. Just live the next 24 hours, and let God handle tomorrow.

God clearly told me today: Life is a 24-hour endeavor. He also said his manna is given on a daily basis for a reason. The future doesn't belong to us, but to Him. It is His. We are His. Tomorrow is not ours to plan or worry about.

For the next 24 hours, just love me, He asks. That's all you have to do. Surrender unto me your agenda, your hopes and dreams, your troubles and worries, and even your pain. I will give you everything you need to live the next 24 hours, freeing you up to just love me and delight in me, as I delight in you.

Every 24 hours is an opportunity for another heart to say yes to the Cross. That's the Lord's agenda every day, every hour. That's why he tarries. That's why the sin curse and suffering haven't ended yet, and Paradise hasn't begun yet for the Christian.

God assures us we have food for today, strength for today, joy for today, grace for today.

And about the future? What does God tell us about the future, specifically? Reading all these verses below, we can begin to comprehend the heart of God regarding the future.

When tomorrow is no longer thought of as yours, but His, today becomes all the sweeter for it.

Psalm 40:5 Many, LORD my God, are the wonders you have done, the things you planned for us. None can compare with you; were I to speak and tell of your deeds, they would be too many to declare.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Luke 12:32 “Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom.

Isaiah 55:8-9 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Proverbs 19:21 Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.

Philippians 1:6 And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.

John 15:1-5 “I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you. Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. ...

Making the Years Count

Following two months of rain and clouds, the oppressive heat of summer arrived this week. Our languishing yellow squash--a summer staple in this house--may not make it, but the pumpkins are doing well. The tomatoes look terrific; the sweet banana peppers, not so much.

We went back to school full time following our exhausting but terrific Vacation Bible School week, during which Peter and I worked (me assigned to the church kitchen with my new homeschooling friend, and Peter with outdoor games).

On the hottest day this week we took a break in the air conditioning to enjoy a 2006 non-animated version of Charlotte's Web. Did I ever tell you that Fern from Charlotte's Web is a clone of my Mary? They share the same childhood wonder of all things nature-oriented; the same passionate, tender heart. The same love of comfortable, functional, tomb-boy clothes, followed by a transformation in the form of dresses on Sunday; the same love of the fanciful over the realistic.

Every day Mary goes outside deliberately making her rounds, turning over rocks and logs and whatever she can muscle, to uncover the hidden treasures: pill bugs, frogs, toads, and the occasional surprise creatures. She scours every bush and vine looking for tree frogs and praying mantises and cicadas. She walks carefully over the grass, eyes pining for grasshoppers.

When I see her from the window, running like mad, making a beeline for the front door, I know she's bursting to show me an amazing specimen from God. She and Peter, two peas in a pod, recently found 8 praying mantises on our church grounds, which are surrounded by fields and woods.

I told her she reminds me of Fern and my Mary smiled from ear to ear, knowing it was true.

Charlotte's Web, if you must know, is one of the greatest children's books ever written--not that I'm an authority or anything, but I do love children. Some of us love just our own children, and some of us love and see every child as supremely beautiful and amazing--the very best of God's heart outside of the Cross.

Mark 9:42 "If anyone causes one of these little ones--those who believe in me--to stumble, it would be better for them if a large millstone were hung around their neck and they were thrown into the sea.

Matthew 18:1-3 At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

Matthew 18:10 “See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that in heaven their angels always see the face of my Father who is in heaven.

Charlotte's Web captures all that is sacred about childhood and bottles it. At the end when Charlotte dies, Mary and I cry buckets and it's a reminder to me that childhood passes as quickly as a spider's life. After we help them into their wedding veil and cumberbund and throw the rice--which seems about a month after they're born--it's an occasion of joy mixed with the bittersweet memories of bygone years.

"This is my egg sac, my magnum opus, my great work, the finest thing I have ever made." (Charlotte quote).

If you're a Momma, let that be your mantra. God gifts us with these precious, helpless, amazing wonders called children. No, they are not ours, but they are the work of our bodies, our hearts, our very lives. Each night when we go to bed and each morning upon waking, we must realize the miracle of their presence in our lives.

We can put nothing above their needs. We can put nothing unwholesome in front of them to corrupt their tender hearts. We can pursue not our personal dreams at their expense. We cannot be tempted by the world and its finery, chasing it at the expense of our children's salvation, which requires an incredible investment of time and heart.

Don't let the upcoming September busy season woo you--the season of running here and there, having our children trained by strangers in this and that endeavor so they'll shine for whatever Jones' we're trying to keep up with. 

Let me tell you a secret: The Jones' don't love Jesus and they don't love your child, either. Our children are to shine for Him and Him only and the soccer, piano, and football teacher can't accomplish this holy endeavor. Schedule sparingly and wisely so you can speak life into your children's hearts. 

Do we want future family gatherings to be tense and full of dysfunction, or joyful and full of life abundant, shared with children who serve Him most of all? Things can still go wrong, but the quality of our remaining years and theirs will depend greatly on the number of hours we're willing to invest in their hearts right now. 

Be wooed not by a perfect house or by Facebook and Twitter. Don't concentrate on keeping up, but on keeping company with Him--the Bread of Life. Introduce your children to Him hour by hour, day by day, each moment building a legacy that will bless generations to come.

 

When you live for and make decisions that count for eternity, and have in your possession a dog-eared, well-read, marked-up Bible, you're blessed with all that God intended this side of Heaven.

Don't look for blessing in your health tests, your bank account, your clothing labels, your wheels, your furnishings, or your square footage. Look for it in the relationships you've invested in--with Him, and with your loved ones and neighbors.

Matthew 22:36-40 (source here)
36 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

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What are you going to do today to speak life into your children?

Parenting Your Christian Teen, Part 1

After my teary flashback, I'm preparing myself spiritually, mentally, and emotionally for a new, challenging stage of parenting.

The teen years. 

My preparation actually began a while ago, with the Lord teaching me many things along the way. Peter is a half-year away from 14 years old, and Paul is two thirds of the way toward 12. We're in the thick of the hormones, the moods, and the unfinished portraits of manhood.

It's exciting but scary. It's a privilege but also a huge responsibility. Parents of teens need to have core beliefs identified, lined up and solid, and their own personal relationship with the Lord firmly in place and growing.

Yesterday when the church youth director told students that drivers were needed for a youth event and would they please invite their parents, there was a general groan from the teens. This was just one more reminder to Peter that he's different--different being something he's partly struggling with, partly grateful for.

He likes his parents. They are not his enemies, nor are his siblings--a group he's also heard the teens groan about.

He's seeing that in today's world, teens are a separate entity from family. They are their own tribe and this phenomena is certainly more true now then ever before, due to teen involvement in social media, which further isolates them from family. They can be in the same room as their family, but still not be with family.

I explained to him that today's teens spend a lot of hours in school, and in after-school activities, and then on the weekends, in church youth activities or with peers--a schedule that doesn't leave a lot of time for family relationships. Teens begin to see parents as their adversary, rather than their loving, firm foundation.

I told the boys that because they're homeschooled, they have the blessing of more time at home and thus more time to develop close relationships with family. That's why they actually like their parents and siblings. There's true relationship here, not just a shared dwelling. Relationships take hours and hours and they're intentional, not merely a byproduct of shared space.

You can certainly have rich relationships without homeschooling, but carving that time will be more of a battle. I think Kristen from We Are That Family does a good job of fighting for family time in the midst of a public school schedule.

My son Paul responded, "Wow. I hope my wife homeschools my children. You've really raised us well."

We were all at the lunch table together and my husband and I glanced at each other, grateful for this surprising, positive comment from our tween. Parenting kids with anxiety disorders is pretty much a recipe for constant stress, and this little morsel of praise renewed our strength.

The first thing every family needs to grapple with in the teen years is: How important will peers be to your teen? 

What do you think God wants from your teen's relationships with peers? And from your teen's relationship with parents? And with siblings?

As Christian parents we have to remember that we are separate from the world. We are supposed to be set apart, with different beliefs and goals.

Romans 12:2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

1 Peter 2:9 But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.

God's goals for our children's teen years are not about them developing BFF's, social media followings, and engaging in every kind of fun and adventure. Teens have no special mandate from God to "live it up", but they do get this push from the world. 

In contrast, we want to rear holy young people after God's own heart--we want them closer to God then ever before, caring about what God cares about.

How should our children think about peers during the teen years? 

Well, rather than central to their image or their identity, peers should be on the receiving end of God's love, through our teen. 

A teen should ask: How can I reflect God's love to this peer, and build him or her up in Christ?

It's about Him, not about us. This is true for the teen years, as in any stage of life. Don't look to be served, but serve. Don't look to be exalted, but humbled before Him.

And as to the opposite sex? 

I want my teen boys to see girls as Daughters of the King, not as potential dates. 

As parents we have to teach them to manage their attractions by putting them under God's rule, rather than indulging them, as society encourages teens to do. 

You may be attracted to that girl, son, but remember: she belongs to God, not to you or any other teen boy. You can't touch her, possess her, or steal anything from her (i.e. her purity). If you want to have anything to do with her at all in your teen years, let it be to build her up in Christ.

We want our teen boys to know that until they can support a wife, at least with a roof and food, they really have no business getting involved emotionally with one girl. 

Why did God give teen boys such a strong sexual drive? If anything, I think the strong attractions are meant to help boys stay goal-oriented toward being able to support a wife. 

One of the main responsibilities of a Christian parent during the teen years is to provide boundaries that assist young people in giving God control over their sexual/emotional passions. Stay involved. Stay present. Make sure young people are not alone together, and are not talking incessantly on social media, developing emotional bonds that will only lead to frustration and sin. 

The teen years are not for stepping away and giving teens "space". Teen brains are hard-wired for a lot of risky behaviors, and they also have difficulty managing moods, anxiety, and stress. They need more support than ever, not less. They need more parenting than ever, not less.

Secular society will shame you, the parent, for your involvement and your boundaries. They will crucify you, as they've done to the Duggars, who advocate courting, not dating, and who don't allow young people to be alone together. Such practices are freakish, according to our world. Unrealistic, at best.

The difference is often in the amount of time a parent is willing to devote. Yes, this may all sound good to a sane minority of people, but how do you put it in practice?

We give up what we want, same as with all the other stages of parenting. Whether it be a flourishing career, a driving interest, or anything else that exalts us over God, or drives us away from family--we have to put it on the altar. 

A Christian parent's job is to serve God through our children. 

That doesn't mean that raising our children is the only thing we do for God. But it is the major thing. It is our primary responsibility and the reason we were gifted with these precious children, who really belong to Him. We were given the gift of years with them. The gift of watching them grow and discover and learn to love. We are to dedicate them to God, giving them right back to Him for his glory.

Just as the Lord treats us, we are to treat our children. Just as He sacrificed for us, we are to sacrifice for them. When our main job is done we should be able to present them to the Lord, holy and blameless.

Will we mess up? Yes. Will they mess up? Yes. Will God be there to pick up the pieces, ready to use the brokenness for his glory? Yes.

But it is also true that the closer we are to God, the closer they are to God, the less messy it will be.

The fact that we can never do it perfectly doesn't mean we shouldn't do it excellently. 

If we keep our eyes on God and not on our problems and challenges, we will get up that mountain by turning it into a hill.

The minute we look in the mirror, or at our pile of problems, is the minute it seems too hard and we stop trying.

The number one lesson is to look up at Him.

Yesterday was a pretty horrible parenting day for a variety of reasons, but when I went to bed I rested soundly. I looked up at Him and I found my way again.

Part 2 of this series, here. Part 3 here.

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A Word to all the Christians

Rejoice in Hope in 2015, and always. That's the task and the privilege of the Christian.

We live in a society that is rapidly anti-Christian and anti-Bible. The main impetus for the hate? It's grown over time, but mainly, in this era, it's our stance on marriage equality. While the mainstream in the Church do not participate in hate speech (some fringe religious groups are reprehensible in their anti-gay demonstrations), we nevertheless refuse to reject Christ and the teachings of the Bible. Refusing to pick and choose what we like in scripture, we don't dump some precepts for our own convenience, or for political correctness. (Or do we?...see below) Our firm resolve has resulted in something unsettling, to say the least, as we're branded thus: haters, bigots, hypocrites.

As Christians we have to think deeply, rather than just regurgitate learned rhetoric. There are serious issues facing our culture and the world. We have to search scripture and our hearts to come up with a discerning stance on all sorts of issues. We are called to have a reason for our hope--all through the ages this has been true. Whatever faced Christians through the centuries, scripture called on them to have a reason for their hope.

History hints that in light of present circumstances, persecution is coming for the Christian, and not just in extremist areas like the Middle East. It's coming on the home front for all who dare open their mouths about the existence of absolute Truth.

Let's go over some serious issues of our time. We must know where we stand on these issues. They aren't someone else's problems, but issues for all humanity to grapple with.

Same-sex attraction does exist. Pedophilia, an attraction to children, does exist. Both are part of the sin curse--a part God has chosen not to eradicate or alleviate. A pedophile sometimes becomes a molester, but not always, just as a person battling same-sex attraction sometimes lives a homosexual lifestyle, but not always. The latter is a crime (and a sin), and the former is considered just sin in some camps, although most states at one time or another had laws on the books labeling sodomy a crime. In either case, the person battling the deviance is dealt a very tragic hand. As Christians standing up for the Bible, that's important for us to acknowledge.

Let me address some facts about molestation and pedophilia--which are two different things. We know that a small percentage of molestation cases are due to teenage experimentation (teenagers who are not pedophiles), and another small percentage are due to sociopaths displaying anti-social behavior (sociopaths who are not also pedophiles). An even smaller percentage are carried out by the severely mentally handicapped (who are not pedophiles). The remaining vast percentage of molestation incidents are carried out by pedophiles who choose to act on their disorder (pedophilia is a disorder listed in the diagnostic manual) in devious, manipulative, sick ways. They become highly manipulative in order to carry out their desires in ways that won't land them in prison. These people are predators, and their predatory behavior can start as soon as their sexuality kicks in at puberty.

Some argue that pedophiles are groomed by other pedophiles and wouldn't be this way if not for the crimes committed against them. Maybe, but probably only in some cases. Not everyone is corrupted by the sins committed against them. A friend from high school was molested by her father, who is a pedophile (and an alcoholic). Her life was ruined, in many respects, by the crime committed against her, but she was not corrupted, despite the number of years the perpetrator continued in his crimes against her. Now fifty, she has never married, has a number of physical and emotional problems, and despite being salutatorian in high school, has never met with any success in life (that can be measured outwardly). We have email contact only as she lives far away, but her circumstances never cease to tear me up inside, and they're part of the reason I don't trust anyone with my children.

As Christians trying to stand up for truth and mercy, it's important for us to come to terms with the ugliness of the sin curse, especially when we comment on the sins of others. This is emotionally- and mentally-wrenching work, this coming to terms. We are not all dealt an equal hand, when it comes to the sin curse. We all have a choice in how we live our lives, but not in the extent to which the sin curse affects us. God's grace has fallen on humanity unequally, in terms of the sin curse.

He chooses us; we don't choose him. Nevertheless, he probably chooses us by knowing ahead of time who will choose him. I don't pretend to understand this, but like you, I have to accept his sovereignty and be grateful for his grace in my life...and be merciful to others.

Some have the grace of coming from intact, healthy Christian families and becoming Christians early, while others have the grace of coming from unhealthy families, but later being a part of the small percentage of people who come to Christ after age 18. The extent of grace in our lives as a whole varies, but we are called to be grateful for every ounce of grace, not comparing with a bitter heart, wondering why others have it better.

And now, having come to terms a little with the different hands humanity is dealt, I've another angle to present in the whole case against Christians as bigots and hypocrites. In some ways, we are hypocritical.

For example, the marriage and remarriage "laws" in the Bible are strict, and yet we all know Christians who live in circumstances outside the scriptural model. Despite the fact that most pastors will not marry a couple who present with unscriptural circumstances, these couples, though Christian, marry anyway, often in civil ceremonies.

There are many Christian couples who divorce for reasons not cited in scripture. Some live alone and celibate for the rest of their lives, and others, not. Called to live in circumstances we don't like, we choose our own way, rationalizing it.

And yet, we tell same-sex attraction people that they mustn't act on their desires, even though we are guilty of acting on our own non-biblical desires. And similarly, their desire, like ours, is to be happy.

The stark reality? God doesn't call human beings to happiness. This is something we don't like to preach. He calls us to obedience. He calls us to a life of faith. He calls us to self-denial, for the sake of our fellow man. He calls us to walk the path he walked, by the power of the Holy Spirit.

If you talk about modesty in this era, people accuse you of victim-blaming, as though you're saying if someone dresses immodestly, they deserve what they got ( in terms of a sexual crime committed against them). No, modesty is about submitting to one another in love. A crime is a crime, regardless of how someone dressed.

Modesty is about denying the insecure desire to look as attractive as possible. As women, our real attractiveness comes from our heart for God. Skin-deep attractiveness is a grace given to some--but not one to be flaunted.

The Bible calls us to give, and yet many of us don't give even close to 10%, much less giving offerings on top of that.

We are called to forgive, but not all of us do.

We are called to all sorts of things in the Bible, but we fall short.

Why?

Three reasons. First, we have a sin nature. Secondly, we don't have enough faith to make the right decisions at the right times. And thirdly, we don't have the teachable heart necessary to take advantage of biblical wisdom. In all three cases, full surrender to God is lacking.

The few of us who follow biblical precepts pretty well, have another glaring problem. Pride.

We all fall short. Because we don't like, and don't choose to walk in, the path scripture lays out for us. Instead, we want to pursue happiness when it appears available.

Later, as God works in our lives and as we submit to a greater extent, we repent of past decisions and paths. Our sanctification is a process; some have a longer way to go. Some are stagnant for a time because of a unteachable heart, but even these people will be pulled along by their faithful Father, albeit at a slower pace, and with more consequences to deal with.

Some people find themselves in strange circumstances, biblically speaking. They may have divorced and remarried as young Christians still needing milk, but later, they find themselves capable of following scripture with more surrender. No longer baby Christians, they have more power in their lives--power in the form of greater faith, better self-control, better obedience, greater gratitude and generosity.

They repent of past mistakes, but they find themselves in a marriage they weren't supposed to have chosen, biblically speaking. Should they divorce now? Of course not. But they can certainly work to counsel others through their testimony. There were certainly consequences to their wrong decision, and they can speak to those for the sake of others facing the same cross roads: God was merciful to me, but you don't want to walk my path. Walk a better one. A more obedient one. A more legacy-producing one.

As to the matter of tithing: Generosity comes from gratitude, and tithes and offerings come from faith mixed with gratitude and obedience. Not all are in place at the same time. Sanctification is a process.

Despite the reality of this process, we still have to preach Truth. Sanctification being a process doesn't negate the importance of absolute truth, proclaimed. We still have to uphold the Bible as our standard. In our churches, we have to exhort obedience and surrender every Sunday, and everyday as parents with children. In the privacy of our own hearts, we must exhort ourselves to be teachable, to be obedient. To surrender all.

And as to the accusation that we are hypocrites, we best own up to it. We are. Our lives reflect that. We want everyone else to do as the Bible says, even though we don't thoroughly do it ourselves. We are all at his mercy.

The sin curse is horrible. Just horrible. For some people, it's more horrible than it is for us. When we proclaim Absolute Truth, we must also acknowledge that the sin curse is not equally distributed across humanity. We must deliver absolute Truth with authority, and with mercy. Always with mercy.

And we must preach this: The Cross is the answer to every dilemma, to every circumstance, to every horrible manifestation of the sin curse.

The Cross is the reason for our hope. The Cross is the promise of something perfect--in stark contrast to this tear-soaked, wrenching, sin-cursed world. The promise is that this is not our home. It is just a place we're rapidly passing through. Our place is secure for us in our real home...Heaven.

We must urge ourselves, and every Christian, to live, and to make decisions based not on this place, but on Heaven. There are all sorts of discomforts we can handle now, for the sake of Heaven.

We must bathe ourselves in the Word, as a reminder of our Hope, which gives us strength. We must commune with the Holy Spirit, who is our comfort and our teacher.

Whatever happens in the coming years in terms of our persecution, remember the reason for your hope. Remember the rewards waiting in eternity for those who surrender fully now...even unto death. Be willing to proclaim Christ, through all, for the glory of God--the glory of God being our joy and our job.

Becoming a Roman's 12 Christian, Part 2

Read Part 1 here.
Read Part 3 here.

Join me for another session of our Romans 12 Bible study? Get your Bible, get comfy, and let's pray:

Dear Heavenly Father,

We love you. We thank you for your Word, for your Son and Holy Spirit. Thank you for your presence and for the hope of heaven. Thank you for the heart lessons, for the gentle nudges in Romans 12; we dedicate this time to you as we study and learn how to offer ourselves as living sacrifices. Help us resist the world. Give us discernment in all things so we can please you and know what is "good and perfect". Forgive us our sins, cleanse us of pride, arrogance, stubbornness. We thank you for what you're going to do through us, as you renew our minds.

In Jesus' name we pray, Amen

Our text: Romans 12:1,2

I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. 2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Here, Paul appeals to us "by the mercies of God", to be non-conformists. The term “conformed” (suschematizo) means to be molded or stamped according to a pattern. It's a passive verb, so it happens to us, unless we actively stop it. We will be molded by the world, unless we do something to stop it. 

Make a decision, we must. On what will we build our lives? What pattern will stamp us?

We have to choose our foundation. Christ reveals himself to us, awakening us spiritually, allowing us to understand the things of God. We can see Truth, but we don't have to choose it. Like the unbeliever, we can have as our foundation the exaltation of self. 

Basically, we have two choices: Self, or Christ.  

Be transformed--by mind renewal, because of the mercies of God. Be transformed from one who exalts self, to one who exalts God--because of the mercies of God. Don't do it because you owe God something, but because you love God's mercies and you feel compelled to run to the rooftops and proclaim his mercy in your life. Be transformed for the pure joy of it. Wow! I get to be transformed. I get to.

I asked that we read Romans 12 everyday for one week, and I also asked us to consider where we're at in our worship of God. How are we spending our time and our money and what are we saying and listening to and feeling, and what are our motivations? What do they indicate about our foundation? Is it Self, or Christ?

It isn't wholly about the movies we view, or the length of our skirts, or the amount of time and money we waste on entertainment, though these things are all telling. We miss the point if we tell a new Christian that to be unconformed means to wear your skirts below the knee, view only G movies, listen to only Christian music. 

What do these things focus on? A line in the sand--and that's not what Romans 12 is about. Rather, it's about the mercies of God and how we can and should exalt them. 

Eventually, skirt length will lengthen as we no longer have a reason to show significant skin, but the Spirit draws the line, not the nosy Christian. The line just might change over time, as the renewal of the mind proceeds. Sanctification is a process, not a destination. 

So look at your life not so much to see where your line in the sand is, but what foundation you're building upon. Self, or Christ?

The renewal of the mind is a regular phenomena. If you read Scripture and have a prayer session on Sunday...will your mind be renewed? Maybe, but very, very slowly, and probably not enough to reverse the influence of the world. You'd likely have one foot in the world all the time, unable to discern good and pleasing--unable to see, for example, that your nice legs are making the man in the next pew not concentrate on the sermon, but on his visual images--namely, the one you gave him, to start. His mind doesn't need much to go on, and he doesn't need a spiritual battle to stress him out and make him feel bad about the way God created him, which is visual. 

Believe me, now that I have a 13-year-old son who tells me everything, I get this in ways I never did before. Lots of skin, displayed, is stressful to a Christian man--or any man who wants to honor his wife in thought and deed. Prior to my son's adolescence, I felt it best to speak little of modesty, because it's a relative thing and changes over time and maturity, but now that I see my son suffering over immodest dress, I feel more bold in mentioning this phenomena. Our bodies don't pleasure a stranger, friend or acquaintance, as much as they stress him. That's a new way of looking at it, isn't it?

Women, for their part, want to feel and look attractive, and if a man stumbles, they say it's the man's fault for looking and thinking inappropriately. Really, this is an example of a woman intent on exalting herself--maybe for insecure rather than manipulative reasons, but it's still exaltation of self, over God. 

We will find that as we seek to exalt Christ, our purpose and identity are more rooted in Him, allowing us to let go of self. Before the renewing of our mind, we needed it to be about us. After the renewal, we ached with the desire to proclaim Christ.

In joy and worship, proclaim the mercies of God. And do so in ways that won't confuse your message. Your message is Christ, not self. 

How can we carry ourselves, spend our time and money, and use our eyes, ears, hands, and hearts--for the glory of God? How can we shout it, not whisper it? The more self that's in it, the more it comes out as a whisper, lost in the wind. 

How do we go about renewing our minds? Meditating on Christ--through His Word, through our prayers, through worship music, through our acts of mercy, through our journaling, through fellowship with the faithful. 

Actively seek the things of Christ, or you will be conformed.

1 John 2:15-16 Do not love the world nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world.

Homework: Concentrate this week on renewing your mind. Set aside time to pray, to read, to contemplate, to listen to your favorite worship music or your favorite preacher, spend time with other Christians and take the opportunity to pray with them, extend mercy to those around you, and those in need. Give thanks every day, especially for God's mercy in your life. Ask for boldness in proclaiming Christ.

Thank you for being here with me, and I'd love to have you next time, as we continue studying Romans 12.

Feedback: What have you learned from Romans 12 that's new--or newly influential in your life?

Building a Strong Mothering Legacy, Part 1

With Mother's Day coming up, I'm evaluating my own mothering and considering what it takes to build a strong mothering legacy. Usually, Mother's Day is for showing appreciation and love for Mom, but it can just as easily be a time for us to evaluate how we're doing, and decide how we might do even better.

A legacy is defined as anything handed down from the past. The main thing mothers hand down is love. In love we patiently kiss booboos and bandaid them--something that will be remembered fondly, as will the cold cloths and kisses we put on fevered heads in the middle of the night.  Love-in-action becomes memory--etched in their minds forever.

For older children it's not so much the bandaids and cold cloths that define a mother's love, but the homecooked meals, special comments, notes, or gifts, and the teen talk sessions we endure and enjoy into the late night.

With each loving act of compassion and patience, our stock as mothers goes up and our children have one more reason to value their own lives and look with confidence upon their futures. Filled up with love, there's nothing to hold them back.

Mom invests her time, and when someone gives us their time--the precious hours and days of their lives--that says we have value. What's a life, really? Isn't it made up of minutes, hours, days, weeks, years, decades? When someone invests all they have in us, we can't help but value our own life and work hard to make it worthwhile.

Each of us, hopefully, has someone in our past who invested their time in us. If not, we're obviously left with scars--but nothing our Heavenly Father can't heal if we lay it at His feet.

If as mothers we truly invest our time, showing love and compassion, our sons will hopefully want to choose a wife who is like us, in terms of her future mothering potential, and our daughters will hopefully look no further than their own childhoods to evolve into wonderful mothers.

We hope and pray this is the case, but to make it reality, we have to engage in self-evaluation. Just loving our children doesn't make us great mothers.

What else is needed to seal the great-mother deal? After all, what mother doesn't get up in the middle of the night to tend to her sick children? What mother isn't forthcoming with kisses and bandaids when the blood flows? What mother would ignore a teen who obviously needs to talk?

There are certainly qualities beyond these that make a mother exceptional. But what might they be?

We all might come up with a different list, but....

...I think a great mother also has exemplary attitudes.

Yes, they will remember our loving care, but won't they also remember our complaining, our bitterness over the hard work, our yelling over the clean clothes thrown on the floor (again)?

No one is without blemish and mothers can get downright exhausted quickly, leading to less than godly responses. Children certainly give us room to be human--being very forgiving--but they also take note of our attitudes over time.

I've considered two wrong attitudes that will stain our mothering legacy. I want to eradicate them in my life, and I bet you do too.

1. Expecting children to know better.

2. Resenting the hard work involved in mothering.

In this post, I elaborate on number 1...Expecting Children to Know Better. Later this week, we'll get to number 2.

My son Peter is 13 years old. There were many times over the years I wondered if he would ever mature, but now, four months after his 13th birthday, I'm daily seeing signs of a godly manhood evolving. He sees ways in which I need help and he willingly puts aside his plans to step up to the plate. In the past, hoping his brother or dad would help, he selfishly pursued his own agenda.

He looks protectively upon his sisters--both in regard to their physical and spiritual safety. He'll gently remind them to resolve their differences amicably, for the glory of God. He'll call them out when they complain and stomp their feet over a parent's unwanted directions, such as to stop sewing and brush teeth for bed.

He'll recognize his own ungodly attitudes quickly, and apologize now, not later, with a heartfelt repentence.

He'll bravely share Christ with neighbor children, pray with neighbor children over backyard baseball games, and remind neighbors to love their siblings when sibling bickering occurs here. He'll pray for them at night and wonder what else he can do to help them along spiritually.

And all this without any prompting from me. It's God, working through Peter, who is responding to the command to make disciples of all nations (and neighborhoods). Somehow, the neighbors keep coming, despite the young evangelist who lives here. They want to listen to Peter, who commands their respect.

What has all Peter's recent growth reminded me of? That children are a work in progress. I don't know that I remembered that enough all these years. I don't know that I would have believed you, two years ago, if you described for me what my son would be like today. He's a wonderful young man and I didn't see that coming.

Shame on me.

Of course children throw clean, rejected clothes onto the floor--they're only children! Of course they leave out their craft supplies and their bikes and spit toothpaste gobs into the sink....and then leave them.

They're. only. children.

What did I expect, I wonder? That they would show an understanding of my hard laundry work, when they're so busy trying to learn and grow each day themselves? Growing up is hard work.

They are no more guilty of disregarding our hard work, than we are of theirs.

1. A great mother respects her children's learning curves. She loves her children where they're at now.

2. A great mother expects her children to shine one day, despite the childishness of today. She sees potential.

3. A great mother praises efforts, not just outcomes.

4. A great mother prays for her children, more than she preaches at them.

What would you add about giving our children room to grow in peace? What do you think makes a mother stand out as exceptional?

Next time, we'll discuss a mother's attitude about the hard work she does.

Hoping your Mother's Day is sweet...full of kisses and hugs and picked flowers and pretty pictures.

Read Part 2 here.