Christmas Letter 2018

Dear Family and Friends,

I hope you enjoyed a merry Christmas with your loved ones. Today, December 26th, I’m finally stealing time from children, chores, and ministry to reflect on 2018.

For our own family and for some of our relatives, there was loss and grief. My husband’s father passed away in January. He was 95 and lived a life that was hard, grief-filled, but faithful to the God he met as a young man. He suffered mental illness but despite that, I heard him quote a line from Scripture he obviously took to heart. Philippians 4:11 “I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.” His wife died 44 years ago, and their first child, a baby daughter, died at 8 months old. His mother and sister suffered mental illness and he lost them to a mental institution a very long time ago, so his was a lonely life. Though he was not a perfect father, he did his best with the tools a broken world handed him; he improved on the previous generation, securing for my husband and his sister more stability and faith, and even more love, than he had in his own youth. In death he left behind my husband and our children, my husband's sister and her son.

My aunt E, my dad’s sister, lost her husband, D, 76, in September, after 58 years of marriage. My aunt Dorothy, my mom’s sister, lost her husband, R, in later fall, at age 83, after 63 years of marriage. Both men had large families and their lives touched many; both suffered painful deaths from cancer and fought courageously, thinking of the families they were leaving, and the legacies they wanted to bless them with. Their long marriages, their faithfulness to their children and families spoke volumes to the present and coming generations. Please pray for my aunts as they grieve and find strength for new routines, new inspirations. Incidentally, they are good friends, having met in the early 90’s because their mothers were roommates in the same nursing home. Their mothers died a couple days apart, and their husbands two months apart--once again, they are a comfort to each other.

My husband and the kids took trips twice to Pennsylvania to see his Aunt D and Uncle B and Cousin Shawna and her family, meeting up with his sister also, and staying with good friends Jim and his wife in Allentown, PA. A great time was had by all. Peter has struggled psychologically for most of the year and I needed a break from that, so I stayed behind to deal with home repairs and homeschooling paperwork. Peter started a new, safe medicine last month which is for bipolar (though he may or may not have that). The med has been a game changer and an answer to prayer. He still has bad days, just fewer of them.

My house full of children is changing. All are in adolescence and becoming their own people; my job is now about guiding while staying out of God’s way, as he molds them into who He wants them to be, and as He prepares them for the work he has for them. Our church’s high school youth group is offering the teens a week-long mission trip to Costa Rica, encompassing a few hours of morning construction work, followed by running a daily Vacation Bible School for an inner-city church. The emphasis is on the teens running it all, not merely helping the adults. It’s about learning to be leaders, as well as expressing God’s love and mercy.

Imagine the flags that went off in our parental heads at the mention of a Central American country, though Costa Rica is not one of the most dangerous. The mission organization employs armed guards to protect the teens while they work, but nevertheless as a mother I fought hard to come to yes regarding this trip. Something Peter said finally decided it; while I was Googling San Jose, Costa Rica for as much information as I could gather, he commented, “Well, those kids have to live there, so it has to be safe enough for us to visit.” Oh. I can’t tell you how those words hit me. Immediately, I imagined another Christian mother, sitting in Costa Rica, praying. If God saw fit for another mother’s children to live in those conditions, and for her to pray with faith every day for His protection and blessing, I could certainly go out of my comfort zone to share my children’s love and talents, and my prayers, with that faithful mother and her children. I tell other people and my children how big of a God we serve--how powerful and faithful he is--all the time. So how could I say no to an opportunity for God to demonstrate that power in a tangible way? God willing, they are both going.

The drug lords are winning in Central America, corrupting the politicians, the police, crippling the countries, causing significant migration. I know it’s only God’s power that can eclipse the evil. Addiction and trafficking threaten to steal our worth. The message of both is that we are worthless--God’s message is that we are priceless. Our Creator gives us our worth. He, who knit us in the womb and knew us before we were born. He, who thought we were so priceless and beautiful He was willing to give it all for us. I want my children to be part of His message of love and worth. Some problems require a spiritual lead first, not a political one. Without the one, the other will fail.

There were changes in ministry this year. I helped in middle school AWANA for three years, and while that wasn’t my area of giftedness, I did learn to love those kids, after discovering you need to connect one on one. In their mob, they’re less than pleasant, but the true person comes through when you get them away from their peers. 

After the AWANA year closed in May, I asked the AWANA commander for younger kids, and ended up taking a co-director position for the 3rd-5th grade AWANA club in Sept. It was a more ambitious position than I really had time for (the other co-director is burned-out after many decades of ministry), but I didn’t want another year in middle school. I teach most weeks and send out weekly newsletters to parents and volunteers, work individually with kids, and plan reviews. It’s a bit like a part-time job and the books we use change every year for a three-year cycle. But it’s so fulfilling! The kids look up at you with eager faces and hearts, hungry for the teachings of God. Beth is in my club, Mary is in the middle school club, Paul is a verse leader/occasional teacher in my club, and Peter is in his third year as a leader in the preschool club. He loves it. Paul and I both think the 3rd-5th kids are such a blessing. I hope we pour as much love into them as they pour into us.

There have been changes with our Compassion International children; we now have two--one young girl in Uganda and a teen boy in Columbia. We used to have more, but a few moved into areas that Compassion doesn’t serve, one moved out of the program because her family was doing better, and one, sadly, (our first-ever Compassion child, Divya) became a victim of India’s new leader, Modi, who cracked down on Christian ministry in India. In March 2017, Compassion International was forced to pull out of India entirely after 48 years, closing 589 Child Development Centers serving 145,000 of the country’s poorest children. India has since moved to number 11 on the Open Doors World Watch List (annual list of top 50 countries where it’s most dangerous to follow Jesus). In 2017 they were number 15 on the list, and in 2018 they moved to number 11, so it’s very alarming. 

It used to be that outside of North Korea--number 1 on the list for 18 years--that the worst areas for persecution and violence against Christians, and particularly Christian women, were Islamist extremist areas, but now Hindu/ethnic extremists, like Modi, are also a major problem. Please pray for Divya and her family, who we and Compassion no longer have any contact with. She has our personally-written letters, which all Compassion children treat like gold because of the hope and love they contain. She participated not only in vocational, health, and tutoring classes, but in Bible studies before Compassion shut down. Her personal letters to us indicated a relationship with God. Whatever they might do, they can’t take Him.

Now for the kids here at home. Mary is a soulful, passionate child and music is her spiritual language. She loves a lot of Christian music, but the Australian-American band For King and Country produces great content that she adores--and they’re not too bad on the eyes to a 12-year-old girl, either. They sing, do lots of concerts (not near us this year), write their own music, do music videos, and the song/book/movie Priceless, about trafficked women. She hasn’t seen the movie due to mature/emotional content, but when she’s older she will. It’s outstanding. She likes to hear the stories behind every song they’ve written. Each story is compelling. I hope her love for music will inspire her to manage her storm phobia, which is still a very serious problem in her life. Overcoming fear is a common theme in Christian music.

Mary also loves to read--I can’t keep enough literature in the house for her! Missionary stories are favorites, as well as adventure novels with inspiring, courageous characters. She still reads a lot of historical literature as part of our curriculum, too. She loves the power of story and I believe someday she’ll harness the power of story to charge hearts and lives. I bought her Katie Davis Major's two books for Christmas, which are really impacting her (Kisses for Katie, and Daring to Hope).

She loves fishing, and card and board games with her siblings. She loves her middle school church class and gets along well with boys, since her two brothers were her first companions. She usually has one girl she likes in each class. If you asked her what she wants to do with her life, she’d probably say, “Go on adventures.” She has prayed about becoming a missionary to China or another land. More recently China is cracking down on the underground house-churches, which have been very successful in growing a very large Christian population.

Paul is 15 and a hardworking student, blessed to have many things come easily to him. He excels at writing--essays, narrative and expository, and occasionally poetry, while still finding math second nature. He wavers between career choices, sometimes wondering about journalism, or being a pollster or statistician, or an engineer. He enjoys politics in a Carl Rove way, but he doesn’t engage in an emotional way. He read a large volume of articles and checked the stats every day of the midterm election season and could tell you who was running in each toss-up state for what race and what their chances were, and what scandals were brewing. He gauged the day to day chances of a Senate or House takeover and would tell me all about it; I majored in political science and, thankfully, although I never used the degree, I never lost interest. 

As a teacher does, I considered that a future president or other major leader might be in my class, so I shared bits of wisdom to shape the journey forward. Mainly, that politics shouldn’t be taken over by a we’re right/they’re wrong dynamic, but be a civic practice aimed at achieving balance in our republic, with the respective branches of government staying true to their charters. I told my future voters to read every quote from candidates before voting, looking for the one who serves God--not a faith borrowed in time for the election, but a true faith, because a leader needs strength most of all, and true strength doesn’t come from man, but from God. Man’s strength is borrowed, begged, or stolen, and always withers with enough pressure, but God’s strength is bestowed and then managed by God. And then, look for humility, because with that comes gratitude, and together they’re the foundation for a lot of other virtues. Also, that in the political process there is no room for bitterness, because ultimately, God is sovereign, and he gives and takes away power from man for purposes not known to us.

Paul still enjoys chess, gardening, baking, cooking, board games and card games with his sisters, going to local college football and basketball games with his dad and sometimes his brother, going to high school youth group, playing Christmas Carols and a few other songs on the piano, practicing basketball outside with a friend or his brother, but more often making baskets by himself to blow off steam. Paul is the quickest to offer help and sympathy when my day has been difficult; in short, he’s a giver, while still being able to compartmentalize stress and get necessary things done. He relies on the Lord for strength and hope.

Peter will be 17 in a couple weeks. He enjoys nature, many types of Christian music, fishing, and chess. His favorite school subject is history. In fact, he’s always detailing for me what he’s reading in history, expressing amazement at something from the past. He says he was born in the wrong era, except for the advancement of antibiotics and the abolishment of slavery (though we still have trafficking, he knows). A gentler time, when people honored God more, is his desire. His is a tender, very old soul.

Peter is unsure what he wants to be. Missionary work fits his gifting, as demonstrated by his work with his friends and at church, and he hasn’t given up on that idea, but his OCD obsessions obscure his real desires and he hasn’t taken control of his illness. I can’t help him beyond praying for him (we’ve done therapy). It’s harder for him to concentrate on his studies due to obsessions, but he’s a capable student and could do well in college, otherwise. Right now, he’s considering vocational work, which keeps his mind clearer. Entering a vocational high school might be a good idea for him next fall, so he can be employable right out of high school, while he matures and hopefully finds the inspiration to take control of his illness. Your prayers for him would be appreciated. Mental illness is heartbreaking and takes acceptance of/responsibility for the burden first, and then courage for the way forward.

Beth just turned 10 and had a rough year with her arthritis. She was doing so well in February that her doctor gradually took away one medicine at a time to see if she had grown out of her autoimmune disease (JIA). In June, the disease came back worse than before. She’s on three immunosuppressants right now. We’ll drop the prednisone in about five weeks, but the Orencia and methotrexate she’ll be on indefinitely.

Beth, like Paul, works very hard in school. She’s serious, but tenderhearted, always ready with a smile and hug. She loves writing and is always working on a story. The sentences come together naturally for her and she’s a good storyteller, even researching her settings online. She dreams of seeing her name on the cover of a book someday. She loves reading as well. It gets stressful around here, and Beth’s escape is to go outside, enjoying fresh air and God’s creation, which is a reminder of His presence and love. She loves studying different animals and learning about conservation, and enjoys hiking with Daddy in the summer, while the other children fish.

My husband and I will reach 20 years of marriage next July. We got married July 3, which means we almost always forget our anniversary. I will try to dissuade my children from getting married near a national holiday! The days have been long, but the years have passed by so quickly. I’m excited for my kids because they’re excited about becoming adults, but there are tears, too, when I remember all the little-kid times that have passed away. My husband, for his part, just wants his wife back. He’s still at his same two jobs working 55-60 hours and he keeps very busy as a father, taking the children individually on outings to speak love and value into their hearts. He’s a keeper! We are both growing old and not finding it easy, but God’s loving message of our worth helps, especially in our youth-obsessed culture. May God’s strength and blessing be with you all in 2019. Happy New Year!

Trusting

One of the most challenging parts of the Christian walk is...

...what?

Humility? Obedience? Consistency? Trust?

What is it for you now, and has it changed over the years?

Right now, I believe for me it is trust. There are so many unknowns.

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding

Psalm 9:10 And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you.

I have to trust that even if God never heals Beth's arthritis, she is going to thrive spiritually and emotionally...that neither bitterness nor envy will steal away her joy in Christ...that she will be able to have children and care for them without serious pain...that her strong medicines will not destroy her health over time...that my love will guide her to acceptance and peace.

Psalm 112:7 He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord.

I have to trust that even if God never heals Peter's OCD and ADHD, Peter is going to live for Christ and work hard to care for himself and his family, accepting and compensating well for his differences, without bitterness or envy, for the glory of God.

Romans 8:28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

Right now, specifically, I have to trust that God will provide a job for me, in His timing. I've completed a childcare profile on Care.com, paid for a background check, advertised on Craigslist, and spread the word locally. Now, it's a wait game, not knowing when my lifestyle will drastically change, or if it will at all.

Did I read God right? Is this what He wants?

I confess I keep checking to see if anyone has responded. Was my ad all wrong? Not enough information...too much? How long might this take?

After clicking refresh way too many times, it hit me. What am I doing? What can't I do the leg work and let it go...walk away and go on with my day, knowing that God has a plan for everything, including my next job, despite my not having worked for 9 years?

I thought I had the spiritual gift of faith, but now I'm not sure.

This trust? It's hard. Trust is the day-to-day manifestation of faith. Trust is believing that God is good, all the time. Trust is believing that the outcomes--even if unexpected and different from what we prayed--will prove better than what we hoped for. And not better in terms of comfort so much, but better spiritually all around.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Trust is living free, letting go...falling backwards without care. In essence, trust is daily living on a spiritual plane, rather than on a physical one. We trust not in our daily physical comfort, but in our daily spiritual growth.

And we get there how? We stay there how?

It's not something we learn one time and keep with us forever. Trust requires refresher courses, as does much of the Christian life. That's why we walk with Christ. We have to tether ourselves to him, much like the European child leashes you see in crowded public places. Children tethered to their parents--something that shocks us Westerners.

I tether myself to Christ by observing my prayer time. The Holy Spirit speaks to me as I release it all in prayer, asking for Christ to reign in me.

I tether myself to Christ by keeping Believers close, who sharpen me in the faith.

I tether myself to Christ by memorizing his Word.

I tether myself to Christ by loving His Word, and picking it up and opening it and reading it.

I tether myself to Christ by studying spiritual concepts through serious Bible study.

I tether myself to Christ by choosing Christian music to bring my thoughts captive to Christ.

Isaiah 26:3 You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.

Sometimes, when I'm not actively tethering, I pursue certainty instead and certainty becomes my God. I become consumed with outcomes and possibilities, but the Holy Spirit doesn't leave me there. The Shepherd comes calling for me. "Where are you, dear sheep? I no longer see you."

Psalm 91:1-16 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness is a shield and buckler. You will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day, ...

The Good Shepherd opens my eyes and brings me back into the fold...me, a wayward sheep.

Me...a contented sheep, glad to be back in the Shepherd's fold, enjoying the spiritual bounty.

Are you tethered and enjoying His bounty today?

Isaiah 43:2-3 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I give Egypt as your ransom, Cush and Seba in exchange for you.

Christmas Thank You to Nurses

Beth had to get an infusion of her Orencia on Christmas Eve, and they gave her a rainbow bear! All of the staff at Akron Children's Hospital have been phenomenal in their care and love of my children over the years. I want to say thank you to every nurse out there. So many times I've been moved to tears by your love and tenderness toward my children. Merry Christmas, and thank you for your steadfast, tireless service to children and families.

Giving Thanks - 12/2

Colossians 3:23 And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.
I'm thankful for...

~  the Lord, who promises his presence, his love, his grace for always.

~ the freedom to express my love for God freely.

~ the freedom to say the word Jesus and to love Jesus.

~ an upcoming vein surgery to relieve varicose vein pain.

~ good, loving relationships at home.

~ loving children.

~ God's love, provision, mercy, grace, faithfulness, forgiveness, strength.

~ God's Word.

~ a nicer, thrifted Christmas tree.

~ nicer, thrifted ornaments.

~ homeschooling.

~ beautiful, exciting reading progress.

~ a wonderful letter from our Compassion teen Sheila who lives in Uganda.

~ a friend doing some drywall work for us.

~ scientists spending years of research on OCD and juvenile rheumatoid arthritis, which helps my children live higher quality lives. Though sometimes very stressful, our situations are vastly improved over past generations.

~ his mercies that are new every morning.

~ hope.

Lamentations 3:23 They are new every morning: great is your faithfulness.

What are you thankful for this week?

Gratitude Journal

Some of these are blessings that come through tears, and some are no-strings-attached blessings. One thing my life story teaches me is that a blessing is whatever situates you at the Lord's feet, either to adore Him, or draw strength from Him.

~ My daughter Beth's arthritis seems to have spread to the knuckles in both hands, but despite that, she remains happy, energetic, and is still intent on drawing prolifically, hoping to illustrate books some day. She inspires me, which helps me absorb the disappointment that God is thus far choosing not to heal her aggressive arthritis (despite using all the medicines available). However, she is not in a wheelchair, which would have been her fate in the past. We still have much to remain thankful for with modern medicine.

~ My husband's steadfast, genuine love.

~ My daughters' sweet hugs and kisses multiple times a day.

~ Though my Peter struggles mightily with his OCD, he still pledges allegiance to God and believes that through God's strength, he will beat this. It's very stressful for the whole family, but the siblings mercy him and pray for him, rather than resent him. And for that, I'm very grateful.

~ The blessing of homeschooling.

~ Learning to love people for themselves, and not for what we hope them to be. As soon as we let go of our expectations, we can truly appreciate the people God has strategically placed in our lives. When you're grading a paper, expectations are good. When you're training children to clean up after themselves, expectations are good. When you're trying to love your fellow man, expectations can get in the way.

"While we were sinners, Christ died for us." He loved us, despite our flaws. Trust is conditional--people have to earn and maintain our trust--but love should be unconditional. That's not to say you stay in proximity of people who are abusing you. We can unconditionally love someone just by praying for them consistently. We can't bring ourselves to pray for someone unless we've allowed, or forced, our heart to love them.

~ Instead of co-teaching AWANA Cubbies (preschoolers), I'm co-teaching AWANA Trek this year, which is the middle school club. I'm enjoying that very much.

~ Children growing in knowledge of the Lord and His ways.

~ God's amazing provision, which never fails.

~ Wisdom and stamina from the Lord, as I deal with health issues and homeschooling and scheduling.

~ New kind lady friends at church, one of whom I co-teach with in Trek.

~ That God loves story and gives us all a personal, compelling story--stories that reflect his glory and fill us with living water.

image

Weekly Homeschool and Life Wrap-Up 4/10

Starting with gratitude this week...

Giving thanks for these blessings...

~ Grace that reigns down on my spirit just when I'm feeling such despair 

~ Greening grass everywhere, promising more color soon

~ Spending my days with four sweet, imaginative children

~ Freshly baked wheat bread with honey

~ Sweet strawberries 

~ Soothing words, promising words, glorious words from the Bible

~ Friends who love the Lord

~ Excited kids coming home from AWANA

~ Children growing in the Lord

~ Family prayer that binds hearts in Him

~ Excited children floating boats in the flood left by dreary spring rain

~ Listening with my daughter Mary to an excellent American Girl audiobook about Josefina 

~ Kid creations all around me

Hospital Appointment

Tuesday we were back at the hospital for Beth's fourth infusion of Orencia, a juvenile rheumatoid arthritis drug. She dreads the IV experience slightly less now, but she still cried. The nurses are very nice and one of them is talkative, who also has a six-year-old daughter. Maybe I'll be able to share the reason for my Hope with her one of these months. 

What I'm Learning About Life and Our Comfort

I do the best as a mom, and as a daughter of the King, when I remember it isn't about whether life feels easy or hard or exhausting, or whether a day holds hope or despair. Transcending today's difficulties and rejoicing in the Lord always means stepping above the earth emotionally and spiritually, remembering that the Lord's concern is for souls, not for my daily ease of living. 

He can allow my daughter to have an aggressive arthritis and my son to have a debilitating OCD, and my other daughter to have crippling anxiety over thunder and lightening and tornadoes...he can allow it all knowing His grace is sufficient for me, for his power is made perfect in weakness. And me? I have to remember to boast all the more loudly about my weaknesses, so God's power can rest on me.

2 Corinthians 4:9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

Boasting About Our Weaknesses

So here's my boast: This week was hard and Mary cried over thunder and kept her fingers in her ears for hours so she wouldn't hear more of it. She couldn't concentrate on school and I ran out of ideas to help her. So, exhausted, I held her in my arms and we listened to an American Girl audiobook for a few hours straight. I seriously didn't know what else to do. We loved the Josefina stories and I found myself crying several times. We both felt sorry when the stories ended.

No, we didn't get through her regular subjects, but she learned a lot about Hispanic culture in 1824, before New Mexico became a US territory. She learned about how hard children had to work to help with daily living chores on a ranchero, and she learned that many couldn't read or write. It was a day of immersion into another culture, and afterwards, the sky looking better, Mary perked up and she and Beth pretended to do chores like knitting and baking and sweeping on a ranchero.

God Orders Our Days

I had been feeling so discouraged by the amount of time the children's anxiety disorders and health issues were stealing from us, and then I remembered that each day unfolds as God wants it to, and that my daily concerns are not the same as His. Does he care if we don't finish our curriculum on time? He has secured my children's futures and I'm a mere instrument of His. 

Armed with new faith, I told my son Peter that I was absolutely sure God would take him down a path of healing and that his OCD would not be this debilitating forever. Several hours later he told me that I'd encouraged him so much, and that it had been easier to resist his rituals because of what I said. Yes, Christ's power is made perfect in weakness.

Paul's AWANA Homework

Paul had to write a salvation message for his AWANA homework, using four different verses. I loved what he wrote. He read it to me on the way to AWANA and I immediately started crying, remembering how lost I was at his same age, and giving thanks to God that my children know Him intimately and are armed to change the world for Christ, anxiety disorders and all.

The Good News by Paul

Everybody sins and the punishment is eternal suffering. That is why Jesus was born here. Jesus is the Son of God, and was born here as a baby. Even though Jesus never did anything wrong, he died on a cross. Luke 23:46 Jesus called out with a loud voice, "Father, into your hands I commit my spirit." When he had said this, he breathed his last.

And three days later, Jesus rose from the dead! Jesus' death on the cross is the way to heaven. This is in Titus 3:5-7 He saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life.

Now to become a Christian you must do three things:

1. Admit that you've sinned. Romans 3:23 For all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God.

2. Believe in the Lord Jesus. Acts 16:31 They replied, "Believe in the Lord Jesus and you will be saved--you and your household."

3. Confess your sins. 1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

That is how to become a Christian.

I drove the rest of the way to AWANA in joy, knowing the Lord is doing a good work in my children. It hadn't been an easy day, but this was the grace, this little essay, that reminded me of God's love and faithfulness. I had so many concerns regarding my children, but all my concerns were needless. Right in front of me, the Lord is blessing them with a spiritual knowledge and hope. So often I feel responsible for their futures, but needlessly. God is raising them up, not me. I just need to stay out of the way!

I gave the girls an egg carton and they have caterpillars in the works, waiting to be painted.

Mary, who doesn't really play with Barbies, but only dresses them occasionally, made this pink dress for one of them.

Beth makes dolls all the live long day, outside of her school assignments. We see fabric and shapes and figures, and looking at the same things, she sees a doll or stuffy waiting to be made.

 I had Mary review many of the All About Reading 2 stories, and with this /ou/ /ow/ lesson, she finished the curriculum and moves on now to All About Reading 3.

I'm pleased with Beth's Kindergarten progress, even though appointments and disorders have meant that she doesn't get a reading lesson daily. She's a good student and concentrates better all the time.

Computer Programming with Khan Academy

Paul, along with the usual subjects, has spent a lot of time on Khan Academy this week doing computer programming. He's over the moon excited about it, which puzzles me because as I look at it, I can't imagine anything more boring or tedious. My mind just doesn't work like Paul's, but I'm so pleased that he's excited and he excels at it. He's interested in writing homeschool curriculum some day, so now when he does a Teaching Textbooks math lesson, he's thinking about the computer programming the two brothers had to do to design such a complicated math curriculum. The Teaching Textbooks brothers are most likely Christian, judging by many of the math questions, but I'm not sure. They were homeschooled.

Planning a Garden

Peter, along with the usual school, has busied himself continuing to plan his garden and agonize about what date our last frost will be. He's researched and considered and changed his mind four times about when he will first plant cold weather crops outside. OCD is primarily a disorder characterized by a preoccupation with certainty. The brain glitch makes the person pursue certainty to a ridiculous extent--to an impossible extent that keeps them on a hamster wheel going no where fast. It's maddening for all involved. The key to getting better is learning to live with uncertainty.

What I'm Learning About OCD

I read a good deal in an OCD book this week and learned about a mother who, from the time her daughter was born, worried constantly for her daughter's safety. She never let her out of her sight and took great pains to keep her from harm. This severe OCD preoccupation with her daughter's safety continued into the daughter's adulthood, after which the daughter continued to live with her mother because to be out of her mother's sight for long was too stressful, due to her mother's OCD rituals to "ensure" her safety. The mother called the daughter constantly when she was at school or at work to check on her safety, and if the daughter didn't answer, the mother would drive to the workplace or school and check on her. It was awful and it was ruining their relationship. The mother had lost years of precious time with her daughter, all because of OCD, which wouldn't allow her to relax and just enjoy being a mother, proudly watching a daughter grow.

The mother finally ended up at the right counselor's office. He told her that to get well she had to accept uncertainty regarding her daughter's well being--that someday we all die and we don't know when that will be. She couldn't ever be sure her daughter would be alive the next day. At first the mother said no, she couldn't accept that kind of uncertainty. But bravely, she stayed in treatment and got well, and her relationship with her daughter repaired. It was a happy, healthy one.

OCD is a torturous, horrible disorder that belongs in the pit of hell.

My son Peter goes over and over in his mind about whether God wants him to go to Uganda to help the farmers there, or own a nursery and greenhouse and somehow serve the Lord in America. He wants to serve the Lord, but he just can't be exactly sure which path God wants him to take. Never mind that he doesn't need to have this figured out at 13 years old. It doesn't matter. He ruminates all day and drives everyone crazy, asking my opinion about what God wants for his life (we can't get involved with reassuring him because it makes the OCD worse).

It's like a hamster wheel he can't seem to get off of, and regarding his salvation, it's the same thing. He ruminates about whether he really is a Christian and really is going to heaven. These are very common OCD obsessions and they'll drive even the sanest person in the sufferer's life absolutely batty. No amount of counseling will help until the sufferer says...yes, I'm ready to accept and embrace uncertainty. That is step one and it's not a decision Peter has made in the affirmative yet, despite his agitated state.

So, I keep reading and I keep informing him about the way out of his conundrums. And I wait on the Lord, because I just know my gracious Heavenly Father will take Peter down a healing path, for His glory. One thing is for sure: My son loves the Lord. His answers in his AWANA book this week, which for Trek Club is more like a Bible study book, brought me to tears (yes, I'm teary a lot these days). He's a boy after the Lord's own heart, who just needs courage and a healing touch.

How was your week, friends? Thank you for reading here!

Weekly Homeschool & Life Wrap-up 4/3

I'm starting this week's wrap-up with gratitude. Most of all, I'm so very thankful that He is Risen, and he calls me his daughter. Thank you, Jesus!

I think it was Ann Voskamp who coined the phrase "hard hallelujah". It means giving thanks for something that has added pain or discomfort to our lives. In offering these affairs up with our joyful hallelujahs, we in a sense put them at the foot of the cross, to both be healed and bring glory to God.

It's also a discipline, an obedience, because God commands us in Philippians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Some hard hallelujahs:

~ This picture, taken yesterday, represents the weather and the morning mood around here for some. I had considerable difficulty getting through Mary's reading lesson because of this gray sky and the 40% chance of thunder and lightening. I was kind, but after reminding her of the Lord's goodness and faithfulness, and pointing out all the blessings we enjoy from the rain, I firmly told her she couldn't stop doing her schoolwork every time the sky looked gray--which in Ohio is frequently, although it ain't exactly England. The saying around Northeast Ohio is that if you don't like the weather, wait an hour. It changes frequently.

~ Paul has been having somewhat frequent skin infections, despite daily showers and my use of ointment on cuts. He cut his lip outside two days ago and today it has signs of infection. Because of the frequency of his infections--all of which clear up with a prescription ointment and frequent bandage changes--in the back of my mind I can't shake the thought of diabetes type 1, which is auto-immune. While it is rare for a second child/sibling is get the same autoimmune disease, it is less rare for a sibling to get a different autoimmune disease. If you have the marker in your genes for autoimmunity--and my kids obviously do, or have the potential to, considering their sister's autoimmune arthritis--then you could at some point in life develop one of the many autoimmune disorders.

Type 1 diabetes is not a hereditary disease like type 2, but genes play a part in autoimmune disorders, as they did in Beth's juvenile rheumatoid arthritis. I have two aunts and at least one cousin with autoimmune disorders. It is thought that the genetic potential, along with acquiring a virus to trigger the autoimmune response in your cells, are what precede the development of autoimmune diseases.

Moreover, it's common that your relatives may have a different autoimmune disorder than you end up with. One aunt may have MS, another aunt fibromyalgia, and then you could get type 1 diabetes, or juvenile rheumatoid arthritis, for example. And it's common that autoimmune disorders come in twos in a single person.

It isn't just your typical cold virus that triggers the autoimmune response, but more the pain-in-the-arse viruses, like coxsackievirus B, cytomegalovirus, adenovirus, rubella, and mumps.

Paul's BMI is only a 15, so he's at the border for being underweight--barely reaching the fifth percentile for BMI, although he's eating well. He's also more thirsty than my other children, and needs to snack more frequently. This disease develops slowly, but when all of a certain cell has been destroyed in the body, the symptoms seem to come on abruptly, giving the illusion that the onset was sudden.

This has been on my mind for several months, and it's time to schedule a physical for him and just ask for the simple blood glucose test to put these thoughts to rest. None of my other children have dealt with infected cuts or wounds or mosquito bites. and none of the others have had trouble gaining weight to keep up with their heights, except for a period of low weight for Beth, because of her disease. She is now at a healthy weight.

So, the knot in my stomach formed with Mary's tears and Paul's issue, and my mind wandered to the long, long, spring, summer and early fall we would experience if Mary's storm anxiety doesn't improve, and if Paul gets more skin infections.

The Lord reminded me...if you find your children's behavior stressful, wait an hour. It changes frequently.

And yes, it did. We got through Mary's reading lesson and she perked up and calmed down. I find, though, that my stress level doesn't calm down as soon as their moods do. There is a lingering effect that exhausts me, which is my problem to give to the Lord. The answer almost always is to count my blessings.

Easy Hallelujahs

~ Beautiful kids growing in the Lord

~ The Risen Lord to celebrate and give thanks for

~ Peter began a new OCD medicine earlier this week, and it began giving him relief within two days...Praise the Lord. Could be the placebo effect; I'll know more soon. The Prozac had stopped working after nearly three years, and so he now uses Zoloft, as recommended by the International OCD Foundation. It works on the serotonin balance so the brain's anxiety response calms down, and the patient can work on the therapy techniques being taught. Without medicine, many sufferers find the thoughts and the anxiety they cause are just so strong, they can't employ therapy techniques.

~ I encouraged Mary to go outside and face her storm anxiety (it was just lightly raining). She promptly found a frog to befriend, which cheered her up considerably and reminded her that God loves her and delights in blessing her. She was rewarded for facing her fears.

~ The bread baking is going well and is blessing my family.

~ Beth was supposed to have her eye surgery yesterday, but the cold she caught required a postponement. I list this as a blessing because I had prayed that the doctor would be at his absolute best on the morning of her surgery, which probably wasn't going to be the case and God knew that.

~ Paul loves Kahn Academy and is proving he's quite the self-directed learner. He's the best kind of student for unschooling, which I think works best with kids who don't need to be systematically taught. It isn't really Mom's philosophy which should dictate homeschooling methods, but more the kids' individual learning profiles. Paul has basically taught himself for years (using Sonlight and library books) and in doing so he's been able to work a couple years ahead of his grade level. That would never work for others in this house, though this week, because the kids were sick, I let them concentrate mostly on their interests and their library picks, since the usual stuff is harder to get through when you're a bit under the weather.

~ I love being with my kids, despite the difficult issues.

~ Peter is working very hard in planning his garden, and I've noticed that his ability to plan, organize and prioritize are being sharpened by the process. Gardeners are either planting or planning, all year long. It is detailed work, Peter is finding.

Update on bread making:

The instant yeast, also known as bread machine yeast, has yielded great loaves for us this week. I continue to bake one loaf a day, using the bread machine on just the dough cycle, which mixes it, kneads it, and lets it rise once. I then punch it down, get the air out, and shape it, put it in a sandwich loaf pan, and let it rise another 45 minutes to an hour. It then bakes 26 to 30 minutes, depending on the flour. White albino whole wheat takes 26 minutes, but regular whole wheat needs 30 minutes.

Halfway through the week I switched from albino white whole wheat to regular whole wheat, and found that the dough was stickier and needed another two T flour, and that the baking time increased by 4 minutes too. 

I am learning not to over rise the bread. It is supposed to be one inch over the pan measured at the highest point of the loaf. You are supposed to use your finger, from the tip to the first knuckle. The above picture is just about right, maybe a tad over, but the picture below is definitely over-risen, as you can tell by that stretched look. 

This was the best loaf and quite delicious. Once this week the bread had a hole in it, kind of like a cave. I learned that this can occur if you don't punch out all the air holes after the first rise. It's a good idea to use a rolling pin to go over it before shaping it.

I also learned that my water should be between 95 to 115 degrees for the best results (I started using a thermometer). If some of your ingredients are kept in the fridge, then the higher end water temp is better. The final dough product temperature is important, to ensure the yeast will work and you'll get the rise you need. I keep the flax seed, the vital wheat gluten, and the yeast in the fridge (as specified on the packages), so the warmer water ensures my final dough product is warm enough.

Last weekend the kids woke up to their Easter buckets. For the first time, they got socks and underwear, colored pencils and pads, and less candy. We give the buckets a week early so as not to associate Easter too much with bunnies and eggs and presents. We'll color eggs today, however, because the weather is the best for an outside hunt this afternoon.

We did do reading lessons this week. Mary learned about the uses of /aw/ and /au/, and the boys are reviewing the same thing in spelling. The yellow cards are the phonogram cards, and on the back is what the children need to memorize about the sound. For example, the back of this card states that /aw/ may be used at the end of English words (or in the middle). /Au/, in contrast, can't be used at the end of words because English words cannot end in a "u"

Peter did a lot of baking these last two weeks. Here are his cheese/whole wheat crackers. They were too rich and most of the kids couldn't eat them, but it was a valient effort. He also tried rolls but they didn't rise properly. He will try those again soon. Paul made pumpkin muffins, which all enjoyed.

Peter used his time to spot read several library books about Ohio gardening. He keeps notes about each type of plant and is keeping a calendar to help him remember when to plant which seeds. It has taken him time to become this organized, and I am very proud of him. This is where project learning really benefits kids. They learn to solve problems and prioritize and organize, and pace themselves as well. The goal is highly motivating for him, so he's working through the executive function issues caused by his ADHD.

I am finding that if I give them days to pursue their interests, or just enjoy their library picks, then we actually save money on curriculum because our curriculum will then last longer than a year, and the delight directed learning days help round out their education and their skills. The switch from curriculum days to library material days, or delight-learning days, does not seem to bother them because I keep a structure in place. Without that structure, things fall apart quickly around here.

Paul is determined to study each president of the United States, and the politics surrounding their presidencies, and on library days he goes full throttle with this. Often, too, he does it after school or on weekends. He studies geography too, using various library resources.

Paul and both my girls wanted me to buy them more fabric, put I'd already spent my limit on school supplies, so when I went through the spring and summer clothes this week, I gave them some pieces to work with that weren't good looking enough to give away, but still plenty nice for sewing. They were absolutely thrilled and Mary said, "This is the best day ever!" Mary and Paul taught Beth to use a needle without poking herself, so she can do simple things now. Paul helps her cut the fabric. She makes stuffed dolls and now, between the three of them, I can't keep cotton balls in the house.

It warms my heart to see them relaxing and working together this way, while I'm off washing and drying their clothes and making their meals and their daily bread. Paul is such a blessing to me and he loves the interaction with his siblings.

Peter does very little sewing and prefers his gardening passion, and more recently too, composting.

Threading a needle.

That's our week, with its numerous joys and its low points as well, emotionally and physically. Life is beautiful, full, and if you don't like it one hour, wait an hour. Things will look brighter, thanks to our Heavenly Father, who is full of grace and loves blessing us!

Happy Easter!

Weekly Homeschool Wrap-Up: The One With Cocoa and Bread

This week we took a "spring break" from most regular subjects to learn about the cocoa industry and develop a family mission statement regarding the cocoa industry and our chocolate consumption. 

We also committed this week to learning to bake bread, after the arrival of our bread machine in the mail last week. Read more on that saga below, after the cocoa information.

CNN did a series of reports about the cocoa supply chain in 2012, and followed up on those reports in March 2014. While there are numerous Internet sources of information, we have thus far focused on infographics with accompanying narratives (this linked one is older info. from 2008), and the more recently produced CNN specials, some of which are detailed below.

Here is the word on Nestle:

(From CNN, 2012) An independent investigation into Nestlé's cocoa supply chain has found numerous child labor violations and kickstarted an ambitious plan to eventually eradicate forced labor and child labor in its production cycle.

The study was carried out by the Fair Labor Association with Nestlé's support.

"Our investigation of Nestlé's cocoa supply chain represents the first time a multinational chocolate producer has allowed its procurement system to be completely traced and assessed. For too long child labor in cocoa production has been everybody's problem and therefore nobody's responsibility," said FLA President Auret van Heerden.

It means Nestlé is the first chocolate-maker to comprehensively map its cocoa supply chain – and can work on identifying problems areas, training and educating workers and taking action against child labor violations. Read the rest here.

The story about another major player in the chocolate industry (Ferrero):

(From 2012) Chocolate maker Ferrero has pledged to eradicate slavery from farms where it sources its cocoa by 2020, as part of a growing movement by the multi-billion dollar industry to clean up its supply chains.

The Italian company, which produces Ferrero Rocher chocolates, Nutella spread and Kinder eggs, follows Nestle and Hershey as the third major chocolate manufacturer to announce new anti-slavery moves since September. Read the rest here.

Here is the word on Hershey

The Hershey company, one of the United States' leading chocolate producers, says it's pledged $10 million over the next five years to educate West African cocoa farmers on improving their trade and combating child labor.

The region is home to about 70% percent of the world's cocoa but has also been the source of recent scrutiny over its alleged use of child labor. (More about the issue)

Hershey's announcement Monday heartened activists, who say the company is finally focusing efforts on improving the root cause of the issue.

"It's a start," said Judy Gearhart, executive director of the International Labor Rights Forum. "We see this as a welcome first step toward accountability." Read the rest here.

As I mentioned, CNN followed up on these 2012 segments in March 2014, with this 25-minute documentary.

Here is my take, gathered so far, based upon the research we've done (we're not done researching). Poverty is always a multi-faceted issue. The more you learn about abject poverty, the more you understand there are no simple solutions. I've come to believe that the way Compassion International responds to abject poverty is the best the world has to offer. You have to fight poverty in Jesus' name, one child at a time, through relationship. Otherwise, you can find yourself losing as much as you gain in this fight. Jesus is the answer to real change, both on the physical poverty level, and the spiritual poverty level. While the first world doesn't suffer from abject physical poverty, we definitely suffer from spiritual poverty, which is why we like to spend and keep our money for ourselves, always trying to improve our already-stellar living conditions.

The bottom line in the current cocoa climate is this: The big chocolate companies are now getting involved in improving the cacao farming industry not so much because they care about poverty or children, but because the industry is in trouble. Production is not sustainable under current conditions. Many of the West African trees are diseased and the small family farmers have no capital to put into improvements. Moreover, the price they receive for their intensive labor in growing and readying the beans has gone down markedly from the 1980's. They're barely making it. Many are leaving their farms for the cities, and others are switching to rubber or palm oil farms, which are more lucrative.

Most of the children working on the farms are the children of the farmers, but many are also trafficked from neighboring African countries, like children from families in desperate poverty in Burkina Faso. We have a Compassion correspondent child in Burkino Faso, who before his sponsorship through Compassion, was likely vulnerable to being trafficked to the Ivory Coast. The children are promised good wages and good living conditions, and even school, but instead, they are treated like slaves and often go back to Burkina Faso with barely enough bus money. They use dangerous tools like machetes and handle dangerous pesticides without protective gear, working long hours with little food.

Research and decide how you will change your chocolate consumption and spending habits. That is step one. Another way to do your part is to prevent the desperate situations these trafficked children are in by sponsoring children through Compassion. Above and beyond your $38 a month sponsorship money, try to send your child monetary gifts as often as you can (even $50 goes a long way), to help the family start a small business and/or purchase mattresses and non-leaking roof supplies, and food. All of your family or child gift money goes directly to the child's family. Compassion works with the family to assess their needs, and takes them shopping to spend all of your gift funds. Then, a picture is taken of what was purchased, with the child in the picture, and sent to you in a letter from the child. You will also receive at least three other letters per year from your child, guaranteed, and you are encouraged to write at least monthly.

Just being able to sleep better helps these children perform better in school. Before they receive help from Compassion and from you, most sleep on the ground, sometimes with a leaking tin roof over their heads. Compassion pays their school fees and trains their families in best health practices, provides health care and fosters emotional, physical, and spiritual growth. Most importantly of course, through Compassion's child development centers, sponsored children are taught about Jesus Christ and guided in developing a saving relationship with Him. They are not required to become Christians to be served, however.

The child development centers are run out of partnerships with local churches, using their buildings, with Compassion employees heading the programs. Often the children also attend the partnering church, but some attend other churches, or don't attend church at all. There are no religious requirements--just sound Biblical teaching. The Lord does the work in these children's hearts. Of the Compassion children we write to, I am certain that four of them have growing relationships with Christ.

Parents and high schoolers are also taught vocational skills at the Compassion child development centers, and good students can go to college as part of Compassion's  Leadership Development Program.

Back to the cocoa industry now. We will be continuing to find current information through the weekend, and will hopefully develop a family cocoa mission statement by next week. The problem is not just in the cocoa industry. Child labor is also used in cotton fields and other farming industries, and you probably already know about other evil child trafficking. To prevent exploitation we have to sponsor children so they don't continue in desperate, vulnerable situations. Buying fair trade makes a positive impact, but it needs to be combined with child sponsorship. Otherwise, desperate third-world families will fall prey to some other evil scheme.

Here is more current information about the cocoa situation in West African, from a site called Food Is Power. This site recommends chocolates that are sourced without child labor. It notes that even some fair trade chocolate is not immune to the problem of child labor. It also lists companies that are working on the problem in some way, and those that won't disclose any information. Trader Joe's is one company who would not disclose their cocoa sourcing.

Bread Making at Home...the Beginner's Saga

I mentioned in last week's wrap-up that we bought a bread making machine, as part of "clean" eating. If you've looked at the label on even the healthiest store-bought bread, you're probably convinced that homemade is better, if you've got the time and inclination. We had the inclination and were determined to make the time.

The most important point about eating clean foods is not that they'll possibly prolong your life and make you more comfortable while you're here. That may seem like the point at first, but as I thought about the time involved and as we lived it, something else occurred to me.

How busy does God really want us to be? If we're too busy to prepare real foods, then something is off balance. Cooking and eating together is precious. So much growth and bonding and blessing occurs as we do these things as one unit. Working with our hands and hearts to bless our families is worth our time! And it's worth our family's time to help us in the kitchen, so that many hands make light work.

Now, if you're nursing a new baby or about to have one, enlist all the help you can get but don't worry about revamping your family's food preparation. Love on that baby and pray for an army of help. There are definitely seasons when getting anything on the table feels monumental. I once had four children 7 and under so I know how it goes.

Have I ever mentioned that I am a very determined person? Every good trait has a flip side, and of course I'm also stubborn. Once I have it on my mind that something is important, I brace myself and persevere through trials. Nursing each of my four children was challenging. There were complications ranging from post-partum preeclampsia and babies who took weeks to learn to latch, most likely due to an oversupply of milk and the fact that they were all born a couple weeks early. There were tears and prayers and desperate nights and weeks. It was the most intense time of my life, but each child eventually learned and nursed a long time, ranging from 13 months to 4.5 years (the latter because this child has an autoimmune disease and needed the breastmilk antibodies longer).

As I tried to make yeast bread this week, I thought about my nursing trials. Yes, yeast is that complicated. There are a number of tips out there for novice bakers whose bread won't rise. For half the week I felt like a failure, carrying a scarlet-letter sign: "Certified Yeast Idiot".

Online baking sights, however, were very encouraging, indicating that everyone fumbles at first. I picked myself up and decided that my kitchen would become an everyday bread factory and the only significant thing required was patience...okay, and a little science.

If you want to get it right, you have to become a scientist, altering one thing at a time and recording what you've done, until you get it right. And then, next season, as temperatures and humidity change, so might your ingredients proportions.

I discovered that the bread machine kneads better than a human, but it doesn't bake better. For the best results, use it on the dough cycle and let it do all the hard work for you, and then merely take out the dough, knock it down and shape it, putting it into the pan and letting it rise in a warm oven for another hour or so, and then bake for 30 minutes. 

I've learned that your measuring tools and even your pans have to be precise--we're really talking science here, but don't let that scare you. It becomes second nature soon enough, which hasn't happened for me yet!

Your family, with the delicious bread in their hands, honey dripping, will feel like royalty. Homemade bread is a privilege to make for your loved ones. It's a delicious blessing that goes beyond the taste and lovely texture. It's an act of love. (Made considerably more sustainable with the advent of bread machines)

We got the bread maker last Friday, and it was Wednesday before we had a rise like this, which still wasn't exactly right. I used too much yeast twice, but as I got that right, the machine let the dough rise too long, and it fell as soon as baking commenced. Finally, I decided to let it rise the last time in my oven, allowing me more control over the outcome.

In the summer when I don't want to heat up the house, we'll use the bake function on the bread machine.

Also, at first I was using regular active dry yeast, which stated on the jar that it could be used in bread machines. Turns out, there is an instant yeast that is not necessarily the same as the quick-rising yeast, and it's this instant yeast that is best for bread machines. I bought it tonight and will hopefully get a more even and complete rise tomorrow.

image

The bread below was our best so far (with just the active dry yeast), which includes 100% whole white wheat (an albino wheat that tastes less grainy, but is still 100% whole wheat) mixed with a quarter cup of flax seed.

It's still delicious, but you can see that the rise wasn't even. Whole wheat flour makes a denser bread and is harder to work with, requiring more practice time and determination. However, the fiber in our diets is important so it's worth it to learn to work with whole wheat flour. Most of us don't regularly get enough fruits and veggies to meet the 25 to 30 grams a day of recommended fiber (average American eats 15 grams daily). Foods high in fiber include whole grains, legumes, fruits, vegetables, nuts and seeds.

Flax seed hides well in foods, not having much taste on its own. It adds healthy fat (Omega-3) to our diets as well as fiber and vitamins & minerals. You can also try it in pancake batter along with whole wheat flour. The pancakes are delicious.

Flax seed nutritional facts: This food is very low in Cholesterol and Sodium. It is also a good source of Magnesium, Phosphorus and Copper, and a very good source of Dietary Fiber, Thiamine and Manganese.

Read More http://nutritiondata.self.com/facts/nut-and-seed-products/3163/2#ixzz3VYfbyx7W

So, our bread saga continues. I'll keep you posted. 

How was your week, friends? Thank you for reading here and have a great weekend!