Reflection Time: 364 Days

A new year is more than just another holiday--it's a new beginning too, a fresh start, even for those resistant to self-reflection. Can you really put 365 days behind you without some meditation on the trials and triumphs experienced?

What purpose did God have for them, we have to wonder? Did I drift farther away from Him, or grow closer?

Sometimes it's so messy, complicated, hard.

We put it off and convince ourselves it's just cliche anyway.

I don't want to, but I think the Holy Spirit is forcing me.

I lost my voice a year ago. Nothing seemed appropriate to say here; I knew what ailed me, but I was ashamed to admit it.

Discouragement had taken root and I couldn't put one foot in front of the other anymore to rid my heart of it. I still did devotions with my family, and still read my Bible, but I didn't work on my discouragement through writing, which is what always worked for me. Writing is a hard process whereby I would only start with an idea and the Holy Spirit would then take over, and by the end, I felt lighter, more at peace with the Lord and with my walk and with my circumstances.

Unsaved family can't be a support because they can't understand my choices or circumstances, and my husband already has enough on his plate with a 55-hour workweek and the mental disorders our kids face. Any personal discouragement was always something I had to deal with on my own with the Lord alone--and anonymously, I suppose, with anyone reading here (but really, the words were for the Lord).

Part of the reason, too, that I stopped writing was this: I felt like I'd written the same types of things over and over and how many times could I keep repeating them ad nauseum?

My answer today is: As many times as my heart needs them!

I commune with the Holy Spirit much more efficiently through writing than through prayer. This year confirmed that. Writing is my authentic personal prayer, I suppose, minus the supplications.

Remember that prayer is the Holy Spirit communing with our spirit? It's not just us telling God what we want. The Holy Spirit does much of the work involved--although we think all the work comes from us.

Have you ever noticed that the hardest part of prayer is starting the first word?

After that He is sitting right there with us, happy we chose to spend the time (or that is what I imagine). Each word after the first flows better and better.

The chromebook died in March and that made it more difficult to even think about writing. The PC is used for four children to complete math and spelling, and the two boys to complete Spanish and writing. Soon, though, we get another one and I can write at night again. For now, I can write on the weekends.

Isaiah 40:30
Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Happy New Year! May you grow ever closer to Him, reflecting this weekend on what might be standing in your way in 2018.

Persevering Mom

My girls went to a birthday party last night. It was held in a tiny starter church and the theme was Finding Dory, which they showed on a "big screen" (aka the screen for worship music lyrics). They asked the girls to dress in pajamas and bring sleeping bags and teddy bears. Oh the excitement!

Party hours were 4 PM to 7 PM, during which pizza, cake, ice cream and a snack table were available. Apparently, Mary had some of each because at exactly one in the morning she vomited big time and it was 2:30 before I got to sleep.

The sick ones always sleep in the king bed with me just in case they need assistance again in the middle of the night. I didn't know if this was a virus or a junk food hangover. Hubby set an alarm and slept elsewhere, waking us up at 6:50 as he got ready for church and spoke loudly in the hallway with Paul about the awesome Penn State football game.

Imagine my irritation.

I feel like a zombie and have to clean the house ahead of the daycare week, wash a bunch of linen plus the regular daily loads, and you're waking me and our sick daughter up because of football?

I got up, helped everyone but Mary get ready for church and later got the computer set up to listen to the live sermon broadcast. We watched that, while I observed to see if Mary could hold down sips of water.

The whole time I'm feeling like I'd just studied all night long for an 8 AM final exam. They don't tell you in college that much of your first 18 years parenting a child will mimic that feeling, except for a few summer months when viruses slow down.

Of course it isn't just the viruses. You'll stand in the kitchen and by the washer and dryer for much of the next 18 years, come rain or shine, sickness and in health, especially if you homeschool. The floor will need sweeping and the carpet a vacuuming when you're not by the washer, dryer, dishwasher or stove.

Relentless is the only word that covers it and yet moms don't quit. We persevere with some super human strength I am grateful for, but will never understand. Even us older moms. Even grandmas who are moms to their grandchildren. If we're bedridden, we find a way to mother and delegate from the bed.

Sometimes while sweeping the same floor hours later we feel like Cinderella, who works herself to exhaustion while the evil stepmother and stepsisters live active lives, well-rested and vibrant, always looking forward to something. Other people live life, it seems, while we enable their pursuits. We give things up day after day. The feeling of being passed by, of being unimportant, can be so strong sometimes.

Our Heavenly Father sees us and is well pleased. We work for Him and he says this is good work and I bank my life on that. The servant is blessed in the kingdom of God. The last shall be first. All the more reason to press on without complaining, rejoicing in the growth and beauty in our children's hearts and minds. Sometimes when they're being selfish it seems like we're going backwards, but persevere and trust. Together with the Lord, we're not just cleaning messes, but building a legacy.

Eight Years

Eight long years.

That's how long my 58-year-old husband has been underemployed. Anyone over fifty years old who loses a job faces an uphill battle. Sometimes, these people end up working a few part-time jobs to make ends meet--never again obtaining full-time work. They're overworked, under-paid, with no paid vacation, holidays, or sick time, precious little leisure time, and little to no money going into retirement accounts. What's more, their Social Security will ultimately be reduced by the underemployment, because your disbursement is mostly based on what you earn in the final years.

In all this time, I have persevered, believing my role is clearly defined by the Lord. My children and the home are my primary work. What's more, I believe marriage is for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health, no matter how hard those predicaments are. If my husband suddenly became brain-injured, I wouldn't be looking for another husband.

Just more grace.

Our children are growing, needing more and more food, so last April I started babysitting. Still, we were barely making it to the next payday, despite visiting the local food pantry once a month.

Suddenly, change teased from the horizon.

My husband got a first and second interview for a very good job and I began to hope, feeling that surely now the Lord would bless us. Eight years is long enough to endure priceless lessons in humility, gratitude, and reliance on God.

Surely, right? It must finally be our time.

Despite fasting and relentless praying, they chose someone else.

I was so devastated, you know? I have another family member desperately searching for full-time work after fifty, and I feel her pain keenly. She's been searching for over three years, going on many interviews, working very hard to prepare each time. And still nothing. They always choose someone else.

How do you keep hope alive? How do you keep on keeping on, searching for work and fetching expired cans and rotten lettuce and stinky potatoes from the food pantry, without completely losing it? How do you smile for the children and quote uplifting scriptures? (We are not hungry. Do not gift us...just let me share my path and how I attempt to navigate it for His glory...okay?)

The truth is, the Christian life is like this. Couples pray for babies and remain barren. Sick and mentally-challenged people pray for healing that never comes. Workers pray for jobs that don't materialize. Pastors pray for a large flock...one that never arrives.

Some no answers are temporary, and some for a lifetime.

That's not to say that prayer is a waste of time. Prayer--communing with the Holy Spirit--reminds us of His power and our humble state. Communing with the Spirit is a gift in and of itself.

Jesus didn't die to become our bottled Genie. The Bible tells us that God gives his children good gifts, but a fat bank account isn't necessarily a good gift. We are what we focus on and most of us focus on material needs. We spend a lot of time acquiring and planning to acquire, because to have nothing or not enough seems inconceivable.

When we focus on the material, we'll never have enough.

But when we focus on spiritual gifts? We find a goldmine within our own souls.

I have a choice. I can adjust my gaze, either squarely on my self and my perceived lack, or on Him and his spiritual brilliance and abundance.

The fleshly me sometimes exits the grocery store wishing for a different husband. One who can provide all the food we want, handily. The highest quality available, no less. These are fleeting thoughts that I hold captive quickly, having decided a long time ago that I wouldn't hold my husband accountable for my happiness. Happiness--or joy, rather--is between me and my God, not between me and my husband. My husband has his own battle for joy, and yours does too. We can't add to that burden.

Life, and marriage, are unspeakably hard. Life has always been hard, for every generation, at every historical point. The reasons it's hard may change over time, but no human ever had an easy life.

In the past people died often and young from disease; loss was commonplace for everyone. In the past people depended on good weather for an adequate harvest, and going hungry or eating only the same couple foods over and over was expected at times. War and injustice have ravaged hearts and lands for generations.

Adam and Eve are the only humans who had it easy....until they got cocky and wanted more. Gratitude is the cure for a perceived lack.

But it's not enough to give thanks for your home and family, for your food and clothes. That's shallow gratitude. To feel really full, give thanks for Him. Give thanks for who you are in Christ Jesus.

Take time to dwell there, in His presence. He is your prize. He is the gift. He is the answer. He is the yes you were waiting for. Wrap yourself in His eternal promises. Be quieted by His love.

Happy Thanksgiving to you!

Testing Your Bible Knowledge

Trek AWANA, my middle-school church class, is coming to a close. It has been a great experience for a number of reasons, but also a big stretch on my time because the Trek leader book did not contain any lesson plans. I had to extensively research each passage we studied until I understood it like a Bible scholar, and then I had to synthesize it all into a coherent, relevant lesson for middle schoolers. It was like writing a sermon each time and gave me new respect for what pastors go through in writing sermons once a week (I only had to teach every third week).

For this, my last lesson, I wrote a final exam of sorts that I'll use as trivia-type questions. It only includes what I taught from Luke (and other Gospels as needed to clarify events) not what my co-teachers covered. Take it for fun to test your Bible knowledge?

Some Final Exam Questions (for fun and review) - Trek Class 2016

1.  What two books of the Bible did Luke write?

2.  Which Gospel writer was like an investigative journalist?

3. Which Gospel writer was a doctor?

4. What is the path to greatness in God’s Kingdom?

5. Finish this verse: Matthew 20:28 Just as the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve, and to give his ________   ____   ____   _________  _____   __________.

6. John the Baptist told the people to repent. What does repentance look like?

7. Name two unusual things about John the Baptist. Can you think of a reason why God may have wanted John to be so unusual?

8. Who put John the Baptist in jail?

9.  Sharing in Jesus’ greatness involves sharing in his _____________.

10.  Of the biblical couples we learned about, which one had trouble conceiving a baby? What was their attitude in regard to their inability to have a baby?

11. What happened to Zechariah before his son John the Baptist was born. Why did it happen?

12. Mary’s famous lines in the Bible are:  I am the Lord’s_________________. Let it be ____   ___   ___   _____   _______.

13. Joseph belonged to the house and line of _______________________, so he had to go to _______________________ to be registered for the census. Why is it important that Joseph and Mary were from the line of David?

14. Finish this statement from John the Baptist: (Luke 3:16) I baptize you with water, but one more powerful than I will come, the straps of whose sandals I am not ___________   ___   _______.  He will baptize you with ____   ______   _______   ____   _______   ______.

15.  What is the main need of every person, and what was the main need of the paralytic man Jesus healed?

16. When Jesus healed the paralytic, who was lowered down by his four friends, the Pharisees had an attitude that prevented them from appreciating the miracle. How would you describe their attitude, and is it still here today in our churches? In what form?

17. What city was known as the headquarters of Jesus? Hint: It’s also the city in which the most miracles occurred. Jesus said of it: “And you, __________, will you be lifted to the heavens? No, you will go down to Hades.” (Luke 10:15)

18. When we die and have to give an account to God for our lives, God will specifically want to know what we did with ____________?

19. What can you tell me about the Roman Centurion who wanted Jesus to heal his servant? (We went over four details about him, but you don’t need to detail all of them.)

20. Jesus was very impressed with the Roman Centurion. Why? (Luke 7:9) When Jesus heard this, he was amazed at him, and turning to the crowd following him, he said, "____  ____   ___,   ___   _____   ___   ____  _____  ____   ______   ______  _______   ____ .

21. Who was the unknown man who walked with two disciples on the road to Emmaus?

22. What did Jesus discuss with the two disciples on the road to Emmaus?

23. Finish this verse (today’s memory verse): Luke 24: 25-26 ‘How foolish you are, and how slow of heart to believe all that the prophets have spoken! Did not the Christ have to _____   _______  _____  ______ ______  _____  ____  ____.

24. “Were not our hearts burning within us while he talked?” What lesson is this from? What makes your own heart burn within you, and why do you think this is so?

25. Statement about today’s lesson: The story of the disciples on the Emmaus Road is important for many reasons. It provides an emphasis on the Old Testament prophecies related to Jesus, evidence regarding an additional appearance of Jesus, and a connection regarding the many eyewitnesses of the resurrected Jesus. Luke 24 is often seen as a model of the journey that Jesus makes with many of us today, as He opens our eyes, points us to the Word, and reveals Himself along life’s walk as the resurrected Savior and Lord. (Got Questions.org)

Why do you think all of this is important for the faith--the emphasis on the Old Testament prophecies, the evidence regarding an additional appearance of Jesus, and a connection regarding the many eyewitnesses of the resurrected Jesus?

26. During the triumphal entry of Jesus seated on a donkey, the people were very excited and the crowds were large. They worshiped Jesus as a king. What kind of a king did they want, and how did Jesus disappoint them?

27. How was Jesus’ triumphal entry different than what you would expect for a King?

28. Why did Jesus weep during the triumphal entry, as he looked out over the city? What was coming that caused the compassionate tears?

29. What was God’s 70 A.D. judgement on the people who crucified him? Can you name a figure from history who was important in the judgement (starts with a T)?

30. What 18-hour and overnight event starkly contrasted the tremendous majesty of God with the depth of man’s sin? What is the purpose of this contrast?

31. Who were Annas and Caiaphas? What do you remember about either of them?

32. What was the name of the body of people which had 71 members, with a high priest serving as leaders, and including the Sadducees, Pharisees, priests and scribes? What part did this body take in Jesus’ trial?

33. The scripture mentions that prior to Jesus’ trial, Pilate and Herod were distrustful of one another. After the trial they became friends. Can you think of a reason why scripture includes such historical details like this, that at first seem irrelevant?

34. Annas was guilty of a certain practice in the temple courts, which made him rich. What was it?

35. Can you think of any reasons Annas and Caiaphas would want Jesus dead? What did they stand to lose in regards to Rome, or way of life as they knew it?

36. Jesus was given an illegal trial. Can you remember anything about it that was illegal? (He was asked to testify against himself, death wasn’t supposed to be ordered until 2 days after conviction, and there were to be no night-time trials).

37. We went over three Herods:  Herod the Great, Herod Antipas, and lastly, Herod Agrippa I--who was the grandson of Herod the Great (Acts 12). It was Herod Agrippa I who persecuted the church in Jerusalem and had the apostle James, the brother of John and son of Zebedee, put to death by the sword. By the hand of Herod Agrippa I, James became the first apostle to be martyred. What are Herod the Great and Herod Antipas known for?

38. Jesus actually had more than one trial. He had two trials with 3 phases each--the whole ordeal lasting eighteen hours, overnight, and including many beatings. Why did it have to be so?

To ask everyone: How did going through the gospel of Luke--from learning that Mary was pregnant through the Holy Spirit, to reading about the resurrected Jesus appearing to two disciples on the Road to Emmaus--change your life? How do you think that reading the Bible systematically, versus just opening it anywhere and reading, can change someone’s life, and why?

Maundy Thursday and Easter Week With Kids

The bread is rising in the oven, the kids are breaking from school for a quick, invigorating basketball game out front. I'm staring down laundry baskets of clean clothes that need to be folded before our guest comes tomorrow to accompany us to a noon-time Good Friday service.

Such are the goings on here, about 2045 years after Christ celebrated a last supper with his disciples, at which he washed their feet. Maundy Thursday, it is called.

The word Maundy is derived from the Latin word for “command.” The “Maundy” in “Maundy Thursday” refers to the command Jesus gave to the disciples at the Last Supper, that they should love and serve one another. 

John 13:6-10, John 13:12-17

(Jesus) came to Simon Peter. “Lord,” Peter said to Him, “Are you going to wash my feet?”
Jesus replied, “You don’t realize now what I am doing. But later you will understand.”
“No,” said Peter. “You will never wash my feet.”
Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you can’t share life with Me.”
“Lord,” Simon Peter replied, “not just my feet! Wash my hands and my head too!”
Jesus answered, “A person who has had a bath needs to wash only his feet. The rest of his body is clean. And you are clean. But not all of you are.” - John 13:6-10

“Do you understand what I have done for you?” He asked them. “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord.’ You are right. That is what I am. I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet. So you also should wash one another’s feet. I have given you an example. You should do as I have done for you.

“What I’m about to tell you is true. A servant is not more important than his master. And a messenger is not more important than the one who sends him. Now you know these things. So you will be blessed if you do them. - John 13:12b-17

It's so easy for the tyranny of the present to thwart parents' desires to disciple their children. Our young people need fed, clothed, and directed to clean their messes. Tables need set, cleared, and dishes done, trash disposed of, showers and baths taken, pajamas gathered, hair combed...and the list goes on. 

Satan counts on us being too busy to do what's most important as parents. He'll throw us curve balls when we serve in the church, get ready for church, drive to church, endeavor to pray with our kids, pray as husband and wife, and conduct family devotions. He manages to make us too tired, irritated, stressed, mad, and overwhelmed. He causes our children to be uncooperative, nasty to one another, full of complaint. 

Don't let him win during these next four days, which are the most important historically speaking for our faith. Without Maundy Thursday we don't have the second most powerful example of humility ever known to man. Without Good Friday--the blood, the cross--the single most humbling event mankind has ever witnessed, we are nothing. We have nothing. And finally, without the resurrected Christ, the aforementioned blood and crucifixion death mean practically nothing--merely another event in history. 

The Resurrection is everything to us. Everything. And you can't teach the resurrection story well without starting with Maundy Thursday as an introduction. 

I urge all of us to make the most of the next four days, for the glory of God. Don't let the chocolate bunnies and treasured baskets be the only things that stay with them, creating anticipation year after year. 

Do it all in remembrance--out of gratitude and awe, not as ritual, however. We can't let them leave our homes in adulthood without intimate knowledge and awe of the Resurrected Christ. We only have so many years to shape their hearts and lives...and then they're gone.

Resources:

An explanation of Maundy Thursday (Got Questions.org--for parents)

The Creator on His Knees...Preparing for Maundy Thursday (Desiring God blog--for parents)

Maundy Thursday Lesson for Young Children (a Christian mother's blog)

Childrens Lessons for Maundy Thursday, upper and lower grades (Children's Church Bulletins.com)

Do Your Children Understand Easter? (Focus on the Family, five mini-lessons offered in pdf)

Holy Week and Easter Activities for the Whole Family (Focus on the Family)

Happy Easter to you and yours! I treasure your friendship and enjoy our communion in Him.

Learning Something Big

There are a lot of upsetting things happening and I haven't had the heart to write. I can't tie these upsetting things into a nice, neat bow, and say that God's grace is ever-present and it's all okay. His grace is still there, but it isn't okay. I keep looking for normalcy to return, but I'm not sure it will. We might be adjusting to a new normal.

Our son Peter is extremely difficult to deal with on a daily basis. His OCD is still pretty bad, and with it comes rages. This is not uncommon with OCD, but knowing that doesn't make it any easier to deal with. I'm on Amazon looking for anger management books for teens...I'm praying and counseling and trying to hope, but he seems so selfish, so self-absorbed, so angry, so ill. I know he's suffering, but somehow I think the rest of us are always suffering more, at his hands.

There have been major plumbing issues and other home maintenance issues plaguing us for weeks, so every day brings something different. Some days, I'm not sure plumbing is a blessing. It gets pretty complicated and suddenly carrying water indoors seems easier.

Any disruption of routine is always a huge factor in the worsening of both OCD an ADHD, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised at how awful life feels right now.

Last week my 93-year-old father-in-law fell on his driveway while checking his mail, so my husband is in Florida, having arrived the day after his father's partial hip replacement, which was a high risk surgery due to congestive heart failure. My father-in-law made it through the surgery with a steady heart rate throughout, which was a big answer to prayer.

The sad thing is, he only behaved decently to my husband for about the first three hours of their visit. Now my husband is stuck there until Wednesday with a incredibly cranky, insulting father, who just can't be nice for anything. My heart is so sad for my husband. I've prayed that my FIL would tell his children that he loved them just once before he died, but it looks like things are getting worse with his attitude, not better.

My FIL knows he cannot continue to care for himself, which is huge. Last time he fell, he went against medical advice and moved back into his home, after defiantly leaving the rehab center. He refused all medications and now, nearly three years later, his heart is functioning at 20% to 30%, depending on which doctor is talking. He is dying of congestive heart failure, but there is no massive swelling, so I don't think he is in the final stage.

My husband is looking at rehab/nursing homes, and trying to get his dad to cooperate with decision making. All this with little help from my sister in law. Her dad has treated her so badly, she doesn't want to spend any time with him, though earlier this week she called him for the first time in seven years. He was on a lot of morphine at that time, so the conversation wasn't that painful.

I understand why she made the decision not to visit her father. I know from my own experience that a parent can inflict surprisingly deep pain, and at some point you have to stay away to stop the internal bleeding it causes in the heart.

And you know what? I think God understands this. I don't blame anyone for abandoning, so to speak, an abusive parent. Abusing someone is sin, and we don't have to participate in someone's sin. Sometimes mental illness brings on the abuse and maybe that should be handled differently--perhaps not seen as a choice--but even then, I don't blame someone who needs to get away from the bleed.

I will try to go to my mother when she is near death, but I won't go expecting anything miraculous. I will go because end of life is just that...the end. We need to say I love you once again. We need to say thank you for being my mother (father) and taking care of me when I was young. At the end of our abusive parent's life, the wounds they've caused won't disappear, but they'll be tied off at the ends, hopefully.

Forgiveness is an ongoing exercise, and you're successful at it if you just keep going forward, even if a couple steps back occur occasionally.

When I think of my FIL's life, I am so saddened for my husband and his sister, and for their dad as well. Here is a man who was faithful to God as a Christian in many ways, and yet he couldn't love. He never had a model of love growing up, and suffers from some kind of attachment disorder from having been raised by a mentally challenged mother and no father. Then, too, there was the OCD, which clouded his vision of Christ's love.

As soon as his two children took their first breath, they were destined for pain at the hands of their father. Life is beautiful and tragic all at once.

I keep looking for God to redeem the tragedy of the story here, but it isn't happening. It's a good thing the Bible teaches us that life here is fleeting.

For all my little troubles (yes, I know they are little), I can't help but learn something big.

Sometimes, things remain ugly and untidy here on earth. Ashes don't always morph into beauty, even with Jesus on the job. They stay ugly and grey and hopeless. It's hard to accept, but don't be taken by surprise if it happens to you or someone you know.

But we can still rejoice because of...

....Heaven.

Heaven redeems all pain. Our peace here often depends on how high we can get our thoughts. Can we get them up into heaven, where there is no more mourning, no more pain?

God asks this of us. He allows trials because of this. A glimpse of our final resting place is available for us even here. We just have to get our thoughts high enough, far enough above the fray.

Working on it, friends. I'm working on it....

I'm a Beggar

The longer I live, the more readily I say...life is hard.

But before you click out of this and say.."Forget it, I need something encouraging, not a downer"..let me also add that as bad as things get sometimes, I can always say and really mean..."God is good. He is always good."

We were already completely overwhelmed by Peter's moderate-to-severe OCD, and now my 9-year-old daughter, Mary, is getting worse. She imagines she smells gas daily and is worried about the house blowing up. Any smell, whether good or bad, increases her anxiety. She does rituals, like breathing into her pillow or her jacket sleeve, with the hope of staying alive through the "gas" leak. These rituals point toward OCD, not just your garden-variety anxiety. She also worries about the dates on foods and doesn't eat with the same freedom as before. Both of these issues--chemical contaminants and food spoilage or food contaminants--are common OCD themes.

Just when I thought the stress couldn't get any worse, it did. And just when I thought I couldn't take another day of this life, God showed me how beautiful life is, once again.

In our humanity, we look for bright outcomes. We covet the story about the boy with severe OCD who was chained to his house by his fears, who then went on to lead a completely normal, spiritually productive life, managing the OCD like a champ.

Or we covet the story of a child with a serious physical handicap who healed in adolescence, and went on to adulthood to treat children with chronic medical conditions, with the same kindness she received as a child.

We want these bright and glorious outcomes, and we pray for them over and over. We should pray thus, and with faith. 

But there's also the submission factor involved in the Christian walk. We have to be okay with whatever outcomes God chooses. His vision is not our vision, though we become more Christ-like every time we choose to submit our lives to His will.

There are a lot of things that feel impossible about my life right now. I feel too weak and sinful for the tasks set before me. But my pride and my own agenda weaken more all the time. The impossibility of solving anything on my own necessarily makes me a beggar. A grateful beggar.

Lord, I put my children and my marriage into your hands. I let go of my own agenda. I submit my will to yours and ask that you make us not more successful, but more godly.

In your precious name I pray, Amen.

Verses for Strength:

Isaiah 40:28-31 Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary,and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

Isaiah 41:10 fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

1 Chronicles 16:11 Seek the LORD and his strength; seek his presence continually!

Exodus 15:2 The LORD is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation; this is my God, and I will praise him, my father’s God, and I will exalt him.

1 Samuel 30:6 And David was greatly distressed, for the people spoke of stoning him, because all the people were bitter in soul, each for his sons and daughters. But David strengthened himself in the LORD his God.

1 Peter 4:11 whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies—in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To him belong glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen.

Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”

John 16:33 I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

Psalm 23:4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

Hope for 2016

Romans 12:12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer

This post is because not all of us had a great 2015. It's okay. You can say it. Some years are just bad, and sometimes it's two in a row. 

I wish I could say something to myself and to you to make it okay or better. But sometimes life is excruciatingly hard, and there's nothing we can do but cling to the life boat that is Jesus Christ. We must pray through and believe, even when prayer is the last thing we feel like entering into. 

We have to go through the motions because continuing to do so is what it looks like to live out our faith. When today looks bleak and tomorrow doesn't look any better, we don't give up and quit the race, dejected or angry. We stay in and hope. We believe that God is good and that he's working all things for the good of those who love him, who are called according to His purpose.

Gratitude is hard during these periods; it takes more reach, more soul-searching to walk in true thankfulness. Some days, there might only be three things on your list: God, salvation, children. That's a start. Keep reaching for more. When there's something heavy on your heart, gratitude is what allows you to get above the water and take a breath. Keep taking breaths. 

Trust God. Lean not on your own understanding. 

Remember what this feels like, because eventually, God will have you comfort someone who's despairing. You're doing the homework now for that some-day assignment. 

Yes, there is a purpose for everything. Your sorrow has a purpose. It's not your fault. It's not a character flaw.

My word for 2016 is Hope. My hope is in Him. I choose to hope in his love for me, in his faithfulness, in his provision, in his timing, in his goodness. Hope is a word that sounds somewhat desperate, doesn't it? Hope is a word you choose when you're at the end of yourself.  It's a word you choose when you feel like life is a runaway raft headed for the waterfall.

Hope is believing a rope will come along soon, to pull you to safety. You can't hope unless you believe. You can't believe unless you encounter Christ and His Word on a regular basis. 

Read, Pray, Believe, Hope. Then repeat.

Happy New Year! Happy Believing and Hoping!

Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.

Romans 8:26 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.

3 Christian Marriage Essentials

Though neglected in this season of life, I do notice something about this blog: roughly 40 to 80 people a month land on this post: An Open Letter to Unhappy Christian Wives.

For the Church that's reason to grieve. Often when I pray about the anonymous readers, wondering what brought them to that post, I wonder: What can the Church do to save Christian marriages?

Here are some compelling marriage stats from a Christianity Today article:

In her newest book, The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages, Shanti compiles some stats and conducts some research of her own on marriage, and specifically, what makes for a happy marriage.

53% of Very Happy Couples agree with the statement, "God is at the center of our marriage" (compared to 7% of Struggling Couples).
30% of Struggling Couples disagree with the statement, "God is at the center of our marriage."

She writes, "Highly happy couples tend to put God at the center of their marriage and focus on Him, rather than on their marriage or spouse, for fulfillment and happiness" (pg. 178, Highly Happy Marriages). (See her book for the methodology.) Dr. Wilcox finds that "active conservative protestants" who attend church regularly are actually 35% less likely to divorce than those who have no religious preferences. In all cases, notice the active element of the faith commitment. "Nominal" Christians, however, those who simply call themselves Christians but do not actively engage with the faith, are actually 20% more likely than the general population to get divorced—perhaps there is a link between putting on a show in the religious and relational context.

With this data in mind, here are three considerations for those desiring an enduring marriage:

1. Focus on God, and on the marriage the Holy Spirit is working out.

Trust God implicitly to mold yours into a godly marriage, regardless of how it looks today.

If God is at the center of a marriage, than it stands to reason he's at the center of both the husband's and wife's individual lives. However, if not, you can't force your husband to read the Bible. Focus on what you can do spiritually, and pray for your husband. Don't nag or be antagonistic. Your faithfulness and patience will be rewarded. The Holy Spirit will change hearts--any open heart, that is. Keep your own heart open using prayer and the Word as cleansing agents. A closed, bitter heart is the beginning of the end.

Your marriage is only as good as your reliance on Him.


2. Don't be a Christian in name only.

A nominal Christian has one to two feet in the world at all times, and the world destroys the sanctity and beauty of Christian marriage. If you're a nominal Christian, good luck with that 50th anniversary thing. It probably ain't happening.

Keep your feet and heart and head out of the world. Forsake the world's ways and save yourself and probably your marriage and kids, too. Ask God if you're a nominal Christian. His answer is all that matters, and it will be clear enough. Just ask. The Holy Spirit will then step in and clean house.


3. Remember what you deserve, and what you were given instead.

End entitlement in your heart and practice gratitude. God has given you exactly what He thinks is good for you. You don't agree with him? Be obedient anyway, just like you would expect from your children, who don't always know what's best.

Here's my story: My marriage is hard, but there are no on-going resentments. We aren't fighters. Moments of tired irritation occur for both of us, but that comes with having special-needs children. Special needs press in on a marriage. Date nights and all the other tricks to keep the home fires burning? They're a dream to couples dealing with children's problems. Such marriages thrive by the grace of God, not because of date nights or anything planned.

A godly marriage doesn't have to look romantic or ideal. It has to have a rock-solid foundation--which is Christ--and two flawed people extending grace toward one another, continually. When you look at your partner, look with Jesus glasses. Jesus sees a sinner in need of grace. Can't we do the same?

The Holy Spirit continually reminds me that I am receiving in Jesus Christ's far more than I could ever hope or imagine. Aren't the vast majority doomed to hell, sadly? The Bible overflows with love toward me and my husband, and because of that we want to honor God with our marriage. It's as simple as that. Gratitude. Our marriage is a gift to God, not to ourselves. Though with this perspective, the marriage is mutually satisfying. It does turn out as a gift, but not from each other. A gift from God, rather.

When you look at marriage-success advice, you'll see date nights and enough sex and other things the couple is supposed to do. But every family has a different situation. Some are caring for aging parents; some are caring for other special needs; some couples have disorders or diseases themselves. Many are exhausted and nothing about their lives looks ideal--for years on end, not just for a season. Are these couples doomed, without the date nights and all the sex and the candle-lit anniversaries?

What about, say...the Pilgrims from 1620? They came here and endured years of hardship, often with no privacy or security of food or life. Fifty percent perished the first year. Survival was the only thing on their minds, and yes, sometimes God has this kind of existence for us. All through history life has been very hard and from that perspective, our modern-day "date nights" are comical. 

Commitment, and faith in something greater than themselves, held the marriages of old together, not date nights. You either live for yourself, or you live for Someone greater. Nothing legacy-worthy comes from living for ourselves. The me-centered leave nothing behind, except the echo of their selfishness.

It's not about whether we remember anniversaries (July 3rd and we usually remember too late), or whether we buy gifts for one another (we don't), or whether we go to marriage retreats (we never have), or whether we spend time alone (maybe 20 - 30  minutes before sleep, a few nights a week). My husband's got an aging father to attend to, first of all.

It's about finishing the race we started on July 3, 1999, for His glory. There's no stopping, turning back, or wishing we chose differently. God is writing the story and we already know how it ends.

For his glory and our good.

How Comfortable Are You?

My earthly father is 76, and unsaved. He's living in the Philippians currently, with his young Filipino wife (fifth wife). They lived in Las Vegas for years and just recently moved. I emailed him the other day following a news report about a typhoon, but it was in the north; his area was unaffected.

Something he wrote in his long email back gave me an opening to talk about the Lord, so I gave an invitation to both of them to accept Christ.

When dealing with family, evangelism is risky. I've been rejected before by other family, and it looks as though it's happened again.

And they took offense at Him. But Jesus said to them, "A prophet is not without honor except in his hometown and in his own household."
- Matthew 13:57

And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or farms for My name's sake, will receive many times as much, and will inherit eternal life.
- Matthew 19:29

Oftentimes, being a Christian is extremely costly. When it's not costly, we're playing it too safe and God never promised safe. He never promised we'd have a lot of people to love us. He never promised loud, lively family parties at holidays and birthdays. When one's own family rejects you because of the Gospel, it's particularly painful and lonely.

The more comfortable we are here, the less comfortable we'll be in heaven. The less comfortable we are here, the more comfortable we'll be in heaven.

Live for that because you can bank on it.

Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me. "For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. "For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?… Matthew 16:25

If someone asks..."What's your ambition in life?" What will you say? 

My ambition is to love God with all my heart, and with all my soul, and with all my mind, even when it makes me extremely uncomfortable. 

Be willing to suffer pain and loneliness and rejection, for the sake of the Gospel. For the sake of one more soul...because the Lord goes to great pains to chase that one.

Don't go for popular, or fashionable, or lovable. Go for the camel's hair and the locusts and honey like John the Baptist, who got the job done because he lived for one thing. Souls.

The god of this world labors hard to make it all about us. The God of Heaven labors hard to make it all about souls. 

Who will you follow?

Be a 24-Hour Christian

James 4:13-16 Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil.

So many times when things have been tough in my life, I've wondered deep inside: "How will I get through this?"

I'm stronger now in middle age than ever before, but I'm still often drained by the effects of the sin curse and everyday problems.

"How will I get through another school year with Peter's OCD? How will he?

"How will I get through another year of perimenopause, with the hot flushes in earnest now and the headaches worse than ever?"

"How will I make the tithe next week?

How will we afford private colleges costing $45,000 a year?

What if the major drugs Beth is taking for her arthritis lead to cancer or infertility?

How will I get through that speech, that test, that appointment?

How will I keep up with the homeschooling and the house? 

You often hear people say that God spoke to them. God told me to do this or that. It's hard not to feel skeptical about such statements, but once in a while, I really do feel God speak to me directly.

Today was one of those times, during church in fact.

Peter often cries quietly in church (and during devotions) because anything spiritual triggers his OCD. I can't tell you how hard and hurtful it is to see these tears, knowing how much my son loves the Lord. His type of OCD is called scrupulosity and it's centered around thoughts of sin and Satan--fears and thoughts that he loves Satan rather than God, or that he is going to turn to a life of sin. The thoughts and fears are so powerful that even though they don't make sense and aren't consistent with who he is, he has a hard time dismissing them.

Mind you, these are all very typical OCD thoughts. For hundreds of years other OCD sufferers have had the exact same thoughts and for a time, before OCD was better understood, this particular manifestation of it was termed religious melancholy.

I've counseled Peter many times that it isn't the thoughts that make him ill. It's his reaction to them.

The same can be said of all of us. It isn't our hardships that make life so challenging. It's our reaction to them.

Peter and I tiptoed out of service, so I could calm him down before his youth class started, scheduled right after service. When I counsel him, I don't reassure him about the specific thoughts, because that makes the condition worse. Families, unknowingly, make OCD worse by participating in their children's rituals, which only perpetuates the harmful cycle.

Instead, I reminded him that: Yes, this disorder is cruel and excruciatingly hard, but he needed to remember that we are on this earth just a nano second, and then Paradise begins and never ends. We don't know why God allows babies to be born who can't speak, hear, walk, roll over, or eat. We don't know why he allows children to be in drug-addicted homes, or children the world over to be abused and left for dead.

It is endless, the appalling things God doesn't stop on this earth. We can't comprehend how God can be loving, and yet so willing to allow excruciating pain. We blame him for not making the world a kinder, gentler place.

Eve, in the Garden of Eden, blamed God, essentially, for creating the serpent who deceived her. And Adam? Didn't he blame the woman God gave to him--so in essence he blamed God, too?

But God is not responsible for the sin curse. Our free will is. He decided to punish us, but we decided to sin. Indeed, we wouldn't have done any better in the Garden of Eden than Eve or Adam did. They truly represent us, in all our childish, sinful ways.

God is only asking you, Peter, to endure this OCD for a nano second, compared to the plans he has for you in Paradise. That's how he can allow such pain in your life, or in anyone's life. He knows the magnitude of your joy in Heaven, compared to your trials here on earth.

Your OCD, I told him, will not always be this bad. Through God's grace, you will learn to accept the thoughts and not fight them or panic over them. Your nervous system will cease it's fight or flight reaction every time an awful but senseless thought occurs in your brain, and the cycle will be broken. You will feel free again, though there's no cure on earth. Eventually, the thoughts, in times of stress, may still appear, but will become faint background noise you can ignore.

The same is true for us. The longer we live, the less we will despair over our trials. The longer we live, the greater the grace we'll be willing to extend to others. The longer we live, the more we'll be willing to say: To live is Christ, to die is gain.

Peter, listening to me intently, told me he realizes more every day that he was created to do mission work. His heart leaps for joy over the prospect of mission work, and he fears his OCD will mess that up.

24 hours, I told him. Just live the next 24 hours, and let God handle tomorrow.

God clearly told me today: Life is a 24-hour endeavor. He also said his manna is given on a daily basis for a reason. The future doesn't belong to us, but to Him. It is His. We are His. Tomorrow is not ours to plan or worry about.

For the next 24 hours, just love me, He asks. That's all you have to do. Surrender unto me your agenda, your hopes and dreams, your troubles and worries, and even your pain. I will give you everything you need to live the next 24 hours, freeing you up to just love me and delight in me, as I delight in you.

Every 24 hours is an opportunity for another heart to say yes to the Cross. That's the Lord's agenda every day, every hour. That's why he tarries. That's why the sin curse and suffering haven't ended yet, and Paradise hasn't begun yet for the Christian.

God assures us we have food for today, strength for today, joy for today, grace for today.

And about the future? What does God tell us about the future, specifically? Reading all these verses below, we can begin to comprehend the heart of God regarding the future.

When tomorrow is no longer thought of as yours, but His, today becomes all the sweeter for it.

Psalm 40:5 Many, LORD my God, are the wonders you have done, the things you planned for us. None can compare with you; were I to speak and tell of your deeds, they would be too many to declare.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Luke 12:32 “Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom.

Isaiah 55:8-9 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Proverbs 19:21 Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.

Philippians 1:6 And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.

John 15:1-5 “I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you. Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. ...

Suffering and Surrender

My special-needs son put a huge hole in his wall today because OCD made him frustrated and angry and he just didn't know what to do with his angst.

Though he possesses expert knowledge about how to handle OCD thoughts--he could teach a class on it, in fact--he isn't ready to heed his own advice. The thoughts are too strong and controlling and scary and it just seem easier to do the rituals (not that holes in the wall are a ritual--that was anger at his plight in life).

The rituals, if continued, get worse and they steal away every moment, until there's no life left. Just pain.

It's like the self-aware drug addicts who know quitting will involve a long, painful withdrawal process, so they put it off. It just seems impossible to muster up the courage.

Only those with OCD can understand, and the rest of us just scratch our heads.

You mean you drove around the block ten times, looking for someone you ran over, even though you know you really didn't run anyone over? Yes, they try to explain. They have to be sure.

You mean you were an hour late to your next class because you washed your hands over and over in the student bathroom, in tears the whole time, knowing they weren't really dirty? Yes, they try to explain. They have to be sure.

You mean you can't go near children because you are afraid you are a pedophile, even though the whole idea is repulsive and evil to you, and you know you would never act in such a way? Or you won't go near the same sex because you are afraid you are gay, even though you are not attracted to the same sex, and you know deep down you are not gay? Yes...but I don't feel sure.

Yes, OCD sufferers do all these things and more (though my son doesn't have any of these obsessions, yet, and perhaps won't ever. But they are among the most common). OCD people are of average or above-average intelligence, and very sensitive, kind, gentle people. The things they find most repulsive or disturbing become their obsessions. It's a horrid, cruel brain disorder.

None of it makes one iota of sense and they know it, but they can't stop avoiding, or ritualizing, or going over and over things in their heads (ruminating is done instead of rituals, for some sufferers--called Pure-O OCD, meaning pure obsession, but no compulsions).

OCD is a disease of uncertainty. They can't handle any uncertainty and the battle to be sure of something becomes their downfall.

They have to learn to say..."Well, maybe I did run someone over. So what?"

"Maybe I really do love Satan..so what?"

"Maybe one of Satan's angels really is coming at me...so what?"

"Maybe I really will stab my husband with a knife...so what?"

"Maybe I really am gay,..so what?"

"Maybe I really am going to die (or throw up) (or a family member is going to die) from germs on my hands...so what?"

"Maybe I really did leave the burner on and the house is going to blow up...so what?"

They have to neutralize the thoughts so they can stop reacting to them, but even thinking of these neutralizing sentences fills them with horror and shame. They can't bring themselves to do it, so they get worse and keep reacting with flight or fight mode. Medication sometimes, for some of them, makes the thoughts less powerful, so they can begin to think about their therapy techniques.

In adolescence, when fear is very hard to fight for hormonal reasons, therapy is difficult at best.

Sufferers have to accept that there is a buzzing bee (bad thoughts) in the room with them. Accept is good, to fight or run or panic is bad. 

"The bad thought doesn't have anything to do with who I am. It's just a brain glitch."

While this statement sounds easy to us, it's terribly difficult for them to believe...even though they know it's true.

There is no cure for OCD and even when the vicious cycle gets broken, and they are leading normal lives again, there will always be, in times of stress, buzzing bees in the room that they have to continue to ignore to stay well. The minute they give in and do a ritual, they're possibly in trouble again.

Experts did a study and found that all people have similar thoughts occasionally, but our normal brains know right away to file the thoughts away as nonsense. We don't react to nonsense thoughts.

But the OCD sufferers? The thought-filter in their brain doesn't work. The thoughts come in with a DANGER sign..an ALERT sign. Their body reacts in flight or fight mode, with high adrenaline and fear, which are so powerful their brain compels them to do a crazy ritual, that for some reason temporarily decreases the anxiety. But the more rituals they do, the less the rituals work to decrease anxiety, and then a full-blown life-crisis exists. They can't fulfill their responsibilities on time or with ease because their rituals eat up the day and drive them insane.

Right now there is nothing I can do except pray and continue to counsel, until God see fit to heal my son or give him the courage he needs to absorb the discomfort of not doing a ritual, long enough to stop the chain reaction--obsession, anxiety, ritual, relief. Obsession, anxiety, ritual, relief.

Absorbing discomfort and pain is hard.

When I get a migraine, I take something for it because if I don't, I eventually have to lie very still in a dark room with no noise or interaction, and at some point I usually vomit, too.

What the OCD sufferer has to do to get better is stop taking the "medicine", so to speak (stop doing the ritual that temporarily relieves the anxiety). They have to, in essence, allow the throbbing headache and nausea to come, unhindered. They have to suffer to get better...and who wants to suffer? It's human nature to run kicking and screaming away from suffering.

God allows life to break us and that is so hard to fathom, isn't it? If you're broken, you know you're ready for heaven. Your mindset has ceased to be on earthly things and you just want to go Home.

Peter, husband, and I? We just want to see Jesus. The rest of the family isn't broken...yet. They have big plans.

And plans are good, but we can't ever assume we accomplish anything through our own intelligence or our own strength. The minute we gloat, God takes us down a peg or two. He allows suffering to refine us. To humble us. He works for our good, even when life seems like a big disaster.

I have to go to an AWANA meeting this Wednesday to become a Cubbies (preschool) leader. Oh, I tried to get out of it at first, but I prayed about it and then told the director that if she didn't get another Cubbies leader during the summer, than I would do it. I will be among three Cubbies leaders in a large class, taking turns with the various duties.

Do you know what I hoped? That God would realize my son's disorders are too taxing on me and my family, and that someone else could surely do it instead.

But God didn't agree. It's me who loves preschoolers, and me who loves teaching God's word.

If God wants me to work for Him with vigor and cheerfulness, why does he allow such sorrow in my life? I feel too weak and sorrowful today to even make that meeting, much less show up and do a good job at Cubbies on September 2nd.

Do you wonder these things, too? Do you want to crawl under a barrel and let everyone else--the ones with normal lives--do all the work for God?

Let me tell you a secret.

Surrender it all to God. Hopes, dreams, plans, ego, pride...the right to stay home and wallow.

And just show up.

Every single day, no matter how hard your trials are, just show up.

Show up to hug your boy--even though he's made you a wreck--to say you're so terribly sorry he's suffering, and that you'll be praying for him all day, and that Jesus loves him, and that he is fearfully and wonderfully made by a glorious God who knows every hair on his head.

Realize that it's the sin curse you're battling, not your son or daughter. 

If the problem is with your marriage, realize it's the sin curse you're battling, not your spouse.

God doesn't ask us to carry our own burdens. We attempt to carry them all the time, but it's sin--it's not obedience to his will.

If we show up, he is faithful to teach the Cubbies through us.

If we show up, he is faithful to give us the gentleness and patience we need to work with a sick or troubled child.

If we show up, he is faithful to give us a listening, quiet spirit to win our husband's love.

He will walk us through our hardest parenting days...our hardest marriage days...our hardest personal suffering days.

We don't have any answers--but he has them all. We don't have any insight--but he has it all planned out. We don't have any stamina or strength--but he's omnipotent and omniscient. 

Omnipotence means God is all-powerful. He has supreme power and no limitations. Omniscience means God is all-knowing. He knows everything--past, present, and future. There is nothing about which he's unaware.

So take that huge load off your back...whatever it is. Let your Heavenly Father soothe you and quiet you by his love. You don't have to understand. You just have to get filled up (prayer, Bible, worship), and show up, ready to be used for his glory. 

The more broken we are, the more desperately and humbly we go for our filling. The more filled we are, the more eagerly we show up to let him shine...knowing full well that on our own, we are nothing.

To live is Christ, to die is gain.

Zephaniah 3:17 The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.

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Fear Not

It's time for a Christian lesson on fear and anxiety, for my son Peter's OCD is so severe he can't get through his daily responsibilities, though as a testament to God's power, Peter still manages to be concerned with the neighbor children's salvation. God can work through any circumstances. Whatever infirmities and disorders we have, he can still use us. Hallelujah!

I urge you, if you are paralyzed by fear of any type, to list all your cares and them meditate on the verses below. When you are done with these verses, click here to see more.

My fears are:

~ that Peter has a treatment-resistant type of OCD;

~ that he won't be able to work;

~ that he won't be able to marry and have children, which is something he dearly hopes for;

~that he won't be able to finish high school on time, since it takes him 3 hours to do a whole math lesson due to the concentration involved, complicated by nearly non-stop rituals. I break up the lessons as much as I can;

~ that even if I could get him into a residential treatment program, he isn't ready to give it his all. Adolescence is a difficult time for battling fear and some patients are better able to tackle OCD in their twenties.

~that he won't be able to finish any exams and will flunk, even if he does get to college or vocational school;

~ that he will get so exasperated with the religious rituals, it will cause him to turn from the Lord's fellowship--for it already makes it difficult for him to pray and read the Bible. His grandfather, age 92 and similarly affected, does not pray or read his Bible anymore due to the stress of the rituals, and he isn't even aware of his disordered condition.

It's very difficult to homeschool students with disabilities, but I know the right direction and focus for me, as mom and teacher. It's a hard road requiring an unwavering faith, which requires an unwavering commitment to the Scriptures and to personal and corporate prayer.

When spirits need reviving, it's time to bathe in every Scripture we can find on fear and anxiety. I pray these will help you with whatever affliction you may suffer, for one thing is sure--we are all suffering in some respect:

Isaiah 41:10 Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Philippians 4:6-10 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Psalm 56:3 When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.

2 Timothy 1:7 For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”

Matthew 6:25-34 “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. ...

Psalm 34:4 I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears.

1 Peter 5:6-7 Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.

Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.

Isaiah 35:4 Say to those who have an anxious heart, “Be strong; fear not! Behold, your God will come with vengeance, with the recompense of God. He will come and save you.”

John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

Proverbs 12:25 Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.

Matthew 6:34 “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Exodus 14:14 The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.”

Psalm 27:1 Of David. The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?

Romans 8:31-39 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? ...

Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.

Psalm 55:22-23 Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved. But you, O God, will cast them down into the pit of destruction; men of blood and treachery shall not live out half their days. But I will trust in you.