I'm thankful for...
...the sight of my small-boned, petite toddler frolicking in her new swimsuit--gift from Auntie Lorrie, who noticed that it's hard to have a clean swimsuit ready for daily swimming, when there's only one per girl. I tried so hard to take a freeze frame of Beth running through the grass, exuding joy and abandon, giggles escaping.
...my husband's interview today for a twenty-hour cleaning position, which won't conflict with school or with his second and third-shift cleaning contracts. No benefits of course, but we apply for everything, not knowing what God's plans are. Saving the house in any piece-meal way we can is the goal. We prayed leading up to and before, and I prayed during the interview. We also perused interview tip sites. Then, we put it all in God's hands. Interviews are very hard for him, as first impressions aren't his strong point. Some days it seems like everything is stacked against us. Is that because when we finally get out of this, God wants it clear that it was HIM, and not us, who did the rescuing?
...my husband, and his reliance on God. He knows not to pray for a particular job. God might have something better in mind, no? Instead, we pray that he will do well, relax, and be quick on his feet. His resume includes his education, which exposes him as a Christian. Sometimes having that out there hurts his chances. Once he saw an interviewer change expressions drastically, upon hearing of husband's Bible education, when the co-interviewer brought it up in a question. Husband knew it was all over after that, for that particular job anyway. In some cases the degree makes him look overqualified, but his resume consists of custodial/building maintenance positions, and direct-care (with the mentally challenged) positions. So the degree is just there, not fitting in anywhere. To leave it off feels dishonest. And besides, no one should shy away from claiming a devotion to God. What would be the point? God is the author of our biography--our days were decided before we were even born! It's good to be reminded of that sometimes, when we get caught up in what ifs, or in what-should-I-dos.
...a toddler who isn't sleeping through the night, by a long shot. The more hundreds of times I go in there to nurse her back to sleep, the easier it will be, many years from now, to return to the blessing of cradling and nourishing a sweet-smelling, eager-for-Momma baby.
...my sons, who know how to vacuum well and who happen to love it--same as they do windexing everything in sight.
...the time to sit and write, to create, to reflect, even though it means my house is less than neat. My husband could take serious issue with the lack of progress on the laundry folding, but he never does. I'm learning to delegate a bit with the folding, by the way. The kids process their own socks/underwear and pajamas now. No, the process is not neat, but the items get put away in a timely manner.
...online friends, who bless me with the gift of friendship. Your comments and prayers mean so much! Thank you!
...this post about contentment.
...this post about preparing five essential things from scratch, for the nutritional boost and for economy. I'm not in a position to prepare all these things myself yet, due to caring for a toddler, but I am still blessed by the education.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Bullseye Grace
What a storm today!
No, not the weather. How I wish it were that simple!
Whenever life gets too exciting, ADHD becomes such a beast. Many days like this, I throw my hands up and tell God I can't take it another second. "Dear God! What am I supposed to do?! This is too hard!"
Auntie Lorrie and James came to visit around the Fourth of July. The ADHD flare up began before that visit. Then, during the visit, as always, the symptoms screamed at us all, akin to a fire engine's siren, right as it overtakes.
Auntie Lorrie, for all her sweetness and patience, has trouble accepting Peter. More and more each visit, I notice her reactions--each irritated sigh, each plea for him to stop, each look of disbelief. It breaks my heart, even though I'm often just as irritated as my guests are.
Seeing the irritation of visiters reminds me of the uphill battle Peter has in gaining social acceptance. Paul, his brother, is the most loyal, forgiving, accepting presence in his life. Paul's tolerance astounds me sometimes. Truly, he is an amazing example of God's grace.
And he doesn't even know it. He only knows that he loves his brother and thinks he's fun.
That's not to say that he doesn't notice Peter's unacceptable behavior, or get irritated by it. He does. But he doesn't hold it against Peter. He doesn't shout, complain, exasperate, roll his eyes, or comment.
Will that amazing grace change, I sometimes wonder, as they get older?
Like most ADHD kids, Peter lives in a selfish world. When impulse control is missing, the sufferer resembles an irate toddler who wants what he wants...right now! Forget the needs and desires of others. They are rarely considered until it's too late, when the damage is already done.
At eight years old, Peter no longer gets on the floor and shouts and pounds. But he pursues. With a shocking intensity.
For example, if he wants to go to the ice cream stop to look for monarch caterpillars, he talks about it non-stop, following the decision maker all around the house, pursuing. Nothing will distract him. Timeout will not deter him. It may temporarily stop the pursuit, but once out, the verbal onslaught continues. His mind focuses on just that one thing. There is no ability to absorb the disappointment of a "no" answer. Or a "wait" answer.
Everyone in the house suffers. All joy deflates.
Lecturing about the extreme selfishness of the behavior does make Peter see his folly. Then, he feels guilty for having made everyone miserable. He knows the behaviors are unacceptable. He feels unloved. Unworthy. Frustrated. Angry, even.
But despite his remorse, he will continue to pursue the household regarding a trip to the ice cream stop.
At times, the behaviors seem evil--leading to hatred in those affected by the turmoil. That sounds terrible, but if you had to live it, you'd understand.
Of course, we don't give in. Our nos stand firm. Our waits stand firm.
One might expect in a normal child that successive experiences like this will lead to greater self-control, over time, since the desired goal is never achieved.
But that's where the ADHD child is so different. One of the hallmarks of the disorder is that the child ( or adult) does not learn from mistakes.
The very next time the child wants something, the same maddening sequence commences.
Another recurring difficulty involves occasions wherein the child is looking forward to a scheduled event, such as a visit from a relative, or a trip to pick berries, or a trip to the lake, or the arrival of Christmas, or the time for a cooking project to begin, such as the making of applesauce.
The child is so overwhelmed by his excitement over the event, that he asks repeatedly how long it is until the time comes to go, or to start. The child knowing how to tell time doesn't help with this; the adults are still pursued to continually answer the "how long" question, despite attempts to ignore, or respond with "how long do you calculate it will be?"
Also, when the child is looking forward to something, it disrupts the normal activities of the day, leading up to the scheduled event. School assignments are done sloppily, quickly, due to lack of focus. The same with chores. As the event gets closer, the child's frustration level grows, leading to recurring behavior problems, and to fatigue in other family members.
When an event finally arrives, and passes, Peter's brain doesn't then rest. It craves more stimulation, which is why stimulant drugs work (as long as the side effects aren't too overwhelming).
Often, as soon as we're driving home from one event, Peter begins a verbal onslaught about the next one, if there's one scheduled--or he works to get one scheduled. To his parents and to onlookers, this makes him seem like a bottomless pit of need and want--like the worst kind of spoiled child. We can't ever satisfy him.
We can't ever truly rest, until he sleeps.
Currently, Peter's flare up is caused by Vacation Bible School, and by the fact that Lorrie's visit and VBS were only separated by one week. This left no time for a return to equilibrium.
Time and again I conclude that living with an ADHD child means life must be exceedingly boring, and predictable, in order to be tolerable.
And yet, a boring existence isn't what God planned for us. He gave us four seasons, so that change comes regularly. He gave us seasons of life, wrought with joys and challenges, so that we are always growing, changing, adapting--so that we always have something to look forward to. To what extent should we modify the natural course of life? And how fair is that to our other children?
Now, what I describe here is a particular type of ADHD--the hyperactive/impulsive type, as opposed to the inattentive type, or the combined type. My husband, in contrast, has the inattentive type, which means he will lose things, forget things, and have trouble organizing and prioritizing. That is a whole other set of problems, which seems to lead to more workplace-related, or schoolwork-related issues, as opposed to social or behavior issues.
As always when the day has been this hard, I sit and contemplate what I could have done differently...done better.
And the answer is the same, usually. Nothing...other than possess a super-human patience.
I can't control all aspects of our life. There are so many variables beyond my control--like when someone has vacation and chooses to visit, or how the church calendar is set up.
My half brother, with whom I grew up, had the combined type of ADHD. Actually, it's only in retrospect that I know what type he had. During that time (he is 38 years old), they only had one name for it--ADD. The three types weren't identified or understood yet.
His symptoms led to a household in regular turmoil. My mom and step-dad were perpetually stressed.
I haven't seen my brother in seven years, and even then it was only a brief visit at our parents' house. I only know him now by how my mom describes him.
Professionally, he is successful, having created a unique niche for himself in the computer world--one that seems to complement his ADHD bent, rather than conflict with it. Personally, however, there are still huge struggles. He is on anti-anxiety medicine, since his ADHD is combined with anxiety, as is Peter's.
I don't know what Peter's future will hold. Oftentimes, I worry that his selfishness will persist into adulthood, leading people to label him as a jerk. I know his heart. He isn't a jerk, by any means. There is kindness, tenderness there. But it is drowned out, so often, by the neurological workings of his brain.
My task (I think God is showing me as I write) is to rise above my own feelings as my needy, verbally-aggressive son follows me down the hall, into the bathroom, into my bedroom, asking, demanding, pursuing.
I need to hone in mentally to the tender, kind-hearted son I know is inside there. I need to see him, as though he were a bullseye.
The other part of my son--the nerves and synapses and chemical imbalances part, I need to disengage from. In disengaging, I will give up my anger, my frustration, my sometimes-hatred.
Focusing on my bullseye, I will live love. And Peter will receive love, rather than condemnation.
This will take practice and prayer. And there will still be failings on my part. But I will have a focus to return to...always my ever-sweet, ever-sensitive, bullseye Peter.
Bullseye grace, I'll call it.
No, not the weather. How I wish it were that simple!
Whenever life gets too exciting, ADHD becomes such a beast. Many days like this, I throw my hands up and tell God I can't take it another second. "Dear God! What am I supposed to do?! This is too hard!"
Auntie Lorrie and James came to visit around the Fourth of July. The ADHD flare up began before that visit. Then, during the visit, as always, the symptoms screamed at us all, akin to a fire engine's siren, right as it overtakes.
Auntie Lorrie, for all her sweetness and patience, has trouble accepting Peter. More and more each visit, I notice her reactions--each irritated sigh, each plea for him to stop, each look of disbelief. It breaks my heart, even though I'm often just as irritated as my guests are.
Seeing the irritation of visiters reminds me of the uphill battle Peter has in gaining social acceptance. Paul, his brother, is the most loyal, forgiving, accepting presence in his life. Paul's tolerance astounds me sometimes. Truly, he is an amazing example of God's grace.
And he doesn't even know it. He only knows that he loves his brother and thinks he's fun.
That's not to say that he doesn't notice Peter's unacceptable behavior, or get irritated by it. He does. But he doesn't hold it against Peter. He doesn't shout, complain, exasperate, roll his eyes, or comment.
Will that amazing grace change, I sometimes wonder, as they get older?
Like most ADHD kids, Peter lives in a selfish world. When impulse control is missing, the sufferer resembles an irate toddler who wants what he wants...right now! Forget the needs and desires of others. They are rarely considered until it's too late, when the damage is already done.
At eight years old, Peter no longer gets on the floor and shouts and pounds. But he pursues. With a shocking intensity.
For example, if he wants to go to the ice cream stop to look for monarch caterpillars, he talks about it non-stop, following the decision maker all around the house, pursuing. Nothing will distract him. Timeout will not deter him. It may temporarily stop the pursuit, but once out, the verbal onslaught continues. His mind focuses on just that one thing. There is no ability to absorb the disappointment of a "no" answer. Or a "wait" answer.
Everyone in the house suffers. All joy deflates.
Lecturing about the extreme selfishness of the behavior does make Peter see his folly. Then, he feels guilty for having made everyone miserable. He knows the behaviors are unacceptable. He feels unloved. Unworthy. Frustrated. Angry, even.
But despite his remorse, he will continue to pursue the household regarding a trip to the ice cream stop.
At times, the behaviors seem evil--leading to hatred in those affected by the turmoil. That sounds terrible, but if you had to live it, you'd understand.
Of course, we don't give in. Our nos stand firm. Our waits stand firm.
One might expect in a normal child that successive experiences like this will lead to greater self-control, over time, since the desired goal is never achieved.
But that's where the ADHD child is so different. One of the hallmarks of the disorder is that the child ( or adult) does not learn from mistakes.
The very next time the child wants something, the same maddening sequence commences.
Another recurring difficulty involves occasions wherein the child is looking forward to a scheduled event, such as a visit from a relative, or a trip to pick berries, or a trip to the lake, or the arrival of Christmas, or the time for a cooking project to begin, such as the making of applesauce.
The child is so overwhelmed by his excitement over the event, that he asks repeatedly how long it is until the time comes to go, or to start. The child knowing how to tell time doesn't help with this; the adults are still pursued to continually answer the "how long" question, despite attempts to ignore, or respond with "how long do you calculate it will be?"
Also, when the child is looking forward to something, it disrupts the normal activities of the day, leading up to the scheduled event. School assignments are done sloppily, quickly, due to lack of focus. The same with chores. As the event gets closer, the child's frustration level grows, leading to recurring behavior problems, and to fatigue in other family members.
When an event finally arrives, and passes, Peter's brain doesn't then rest. It craves more stimulation, which is why stimulant drugs work (as long as the side effects aren't too overwhelming).
Often, as soon as we're driving home from one event, Peter begins a verbal onslaught about the next one, if there's one scheduled--or he works to get one scheduled. To his parents and to onlookers, this makes him seem like a bottomless pit of need and want--like the worst kind of spoiled child. We can't ever satisfy him.
We can't ever truly rest, until he sleeps.
Currently, Peter's flare up is caused by Vacation Bible School, and by the fact that Lorrie's visit and VBS were only separated by one week. This left no time for a return to equilibrium.
Time and again I conclude that living with an ADHD child means life must be exceedingly boring, and predictable, in order to be tolerable.
And yet, a boring existence isn't what God planned for us. He gave us four seasons, so that change comes regularly. He gave us seasons of life, wrought with joys and challenges, so that we are always growing, changing, adapting--so that we always have something to look forward to. To what extent should we modify the natural course of life? And how fair is that to our other children?
Now, what I describe here is a particular type of ADHD--the hyperactive/impulsive type, as opposed to the inattentive type, or the combined type. My husband, in contrast, has the inattentive type, which means he will lose things, forget things, and have trouble organizing and prioritizing. That is a whole other set of problems, which seems to lead to more workplace-related, or schoolwork-related issues, as opposed to social or behavior issues.
As always when the day has been this hard, I sit and contemplate what I could have done differently...done better.
And the answer is the same, usually. Nothing...other than possess a super-human patience.
I can't control all aspects of our life. There are so many variables beyond my control--like when someone has vacation and chooses to visit, or how the church calendar is set up.
My half brother, with whom I grew up, had the combined type of ADHD. Actually, it's only in retrospect that I know what type he had. During that time (he is 38 years old), they only had one name for it--ADD. The three types weren't identified or understood yet.
His symptoms led to a household in regular turmoil. My mom and step-dad were perpetually stressed.
I haven't seen my brother in seven years, and even then it was only a brief visit at our parents' house. I only know him now by how my mom describes him.
Professionally, he is successful, having created a unique niche for himself in the computer world--one that seems to complement his ADHD bent, rather than conflict with it. Personally, however, there are still huge struggles. He is on anti-anxiety medicine, since his ADHD is combined with anxiety, as is Peter's.
I don't know what Peter's future will hold. Oftentimes, I worry that his selfishness will persist into adulthood, leading people to label him as a jerk. I know his heart. He isn't a jerk, by any means. There is kindness, tenderness there. But it is drowned out, so often, by the neurological workings of his brain.
My task (I think God is showing me as I write) is to rise above my own feelings as my needy, verbally-aggressive son follows me down the hall, into the bathroom, into my bedroom, asking, demanding, pursuing.
I need to hone in mentally to the tender, kind-hearted son I know is inside there. I need to see him, as though he were a bullseye.
The other part of my son--the nerves and synapses and chemical imbalances part, I need to disengage from. In disengaging, I will give up my anger, my frustration, my sometimes-hatred.
Focusing on my bullseye, I will live love. And Peter will receive love, rather than condemnation.
This will take practice and prayer. And there will still be failings on my part. But I will have a focus to return to...always my ever-sweet, ever-sensitive, bullseye Peter.
Bullseye grace, I'll call it.
Tuesday Tidbits
Well, husband isn't sold on the daycare idea. He mentioned, for one, that he could work at McDonald's for $6.50 an hour for eight hours, making more than we would make watching two children all day long. And, the entire family wouldn't be impacted--only husband.
Okay, he has a very good point. If I added in the extra hours of nightly housework, and the groceries that the daycare children would consume, we would actually make quite a bit less than the going rate of $3.15/hr, per child.
He also mentioned that Beth, at nineteen months old, still needs one-on-one supervision, which would make running a daycare very difficult.
Plus, while husband was away at computer school for four hours two mornings a week, I wouldn't have his help until 1 pm.
The verdict is that husband wants us to keep praying and keep applying for everything we can, no matter how low the posted pay is.
On a positive note, we applied for five jobs today. Rarely are that many available in one day. Often, not even in one week.
_______________________
We have a second car, not running, in our driveway. It needs a catalytic converter, which is very costly, and a new battery. Apparently, people have noticed that we haven't used it for months. Just today, three different strangers, apparently unrelated, came to the door asking if we wanted to sell it. One offered $275 on the spot, telling us we could keep the new tires we'd put on it.
Later, a friend of the woman across the street came by, asking about the car. Is this a conspiracy, I asked my husband later? Who gets three people in one day asking about a car that doesn't even have a for sale sign on it?
Very strange.
Also very strange was my husband's conversation with the last inquirer. He was a Christian--probably Pentecostal we're guessing--who suggested that maybe the reason God wasn't blessing us was because my husband stopped teaching Sunday School.
Upon hearing that my husband was underemployed, the man went into a long spiritual lecture, of sorts. I guess husband had casually mentioned, in the course of the conversation, that he'd taught Adult Sunday School in the past. He didn't mention the Bible College Degree or the interest in the ministry years ago.
While we have thought much about the possibility that sin in our lives could be keeping this crisis afloat, it never occurred to us that one of the sins might include not teaching Sunday School. I'm not sure why this particular man came to our door--other than to get a good price on the car, which isn't really for sale. I'm pretty sure God doesn't punish you for not teaching Sunday School.
My husband taught a Singles Bible Study for two years in California, starting a year after we got married. About thirty people attended, but after many months several of them got married, and the crowd dwindled. We had a baby and I couldn't stay involved, helping out with the clerical aspects and with event planning. I was also working part-time supervising homeschoolers and teaching three homeschool enrichment classes.
After the initial two years passed, husband thought it was time to pass the singles-group baton. Singles ministry is very hard--specifically when it involves older singles. Our group included people aged 25-55, including some who were widowed and a few who were divorced.
Later, in Ohio in 2006, my husband hired on to a Children's Director position at a Baptist Church about thirty minutes away from us. After a year, the quarter-time position lost funding. The church had a split and the Pastor moved on to another state. My husband's ADHD symptoms made excelling at the Director position difficult. It ended up being a discouragement to him, as it didn't make much use of his teaching gift, and required more organization and multi-tasking than he could manage. I tried to help with the organizational part, but again, I had a new baby to care for. Mary was born a few months after he began the position, when the boys were three and five.
Since that time, he hasn't done much ministry--just volunteering at AWANA and VBS. He is still interested in teaching, but feels like the pace of our home life needs to settle down a bit first.
Back to the sin issue. We have pinpointed possible areas that God wanted tightened, spiritually speaking. We made necessary changes. And we continue to ask God to search our hearts and show us our sin.
Joy, from the Memoria Arts blog, recently made mention of her husband's two-and-a-half year unemployment crisis. I hadn't known that it went on that long. My countenance fell, upon reading it. How does one hang on that long? It has been sixteen months for us, but my husband found part-time work within the first month, so our crisis has been more of an underemployment one.
So. Today was a weird day, to say the least. Not sure what to make of it.
_______________________________
VBS began this week and the children are overly excited. The last one fell asleep at 10:00 p.m., which is not unusual for VBS weeks. It is hard to wait that long for some quiet time around here, but I do love VBS weeks for the growth they encourage!
At closing time tonight, my Paul eagerly raised his hand to answer Pastor's question about why the shepherd forgot about the other ninety-nine sheep and went after just the one. Matthew 18:12-14
"Because he loved him very much!"
Amen, my little Paul. Amen!
Okay, he has a very good point. If I added in the extra hours of nightly housework, and the groceries that the daycare children would consume, we would actually make quite a bit less than the going rate of $3.15/hr, per child.
He also mentioned that Beth, at nineteen months old, still needs one-on-one supervision, which would make running a daycare very difficult.
Plus, while husband was away at computer school for four hours two mornings a week, I wouldn't have his help until 1 pm.
The verdict is that husband wants us to keep praying and keep applying for everything we can, no matter how low the posted pay is.
On a positive note, we applied for five jobs today. Rarely are that many available in one day. Often, not even in one week.
_______________________
We have a second car, not running, in our driveway. It needs a catalytic converter, which is very costly, and a new battery. Apparently, people have noticed that we haven't used it for months. Just today, three different strangers, apparently unrelated, came to the door asking if we wanted to sell it. One offered $275 on the spot, telling us we could keep the new tires we'd put on it.
Later, a friend of the woman across the street came by, asking about the car. Is this a conspiracy, I asked my husband later? Who gets three people in one day asking about a car that doesn't even have a for sale sign on it?
Very strange.
Also very strange was my husband's conversation with the last inquirer. He was a Christian--probably Pentecostal we're guessing--who suggested that maybe the reason God wasn't blessing us was because my husband stopped teaching Sunday School.
Upon hearing that my husband was underemployed, the man went into a long spiritual lecture, of sorts. I guess husband had casually mentioned, in the course of the conversation, that he'd taught Adult Sunday School in the past. He didn't mention the Bible College Degree or the interest in the ministry years ago.
While we have thought much about the possibility that sin in our lives could be keeping this crisis afloat, it never occurred to us that one of the sins might include not teaching Sunday School. I'm not sure why this particular man came to our door--other than to get a good price on the car, which isn't really for sale. I'm pretty sure God doesn't punish you for not teaching Sunday School.
My husband taught a Singles Bible Study for two years in California, starting a year after we got married. About thirty people attended, but after many months several of them got married, and the crowd dwindled. We had a baby and I couldn't stay involved, helping out with the clerical aspects and with event planning. I was also working part-time supervising homeschoolers and teaching three homeschool enrichment classes.
After the initial two years passed, husband thought it was time to pass the singles-group baton. Singles ministry is very hard--specifically when it involves older singles. Our group included people aged 25-55, including some who were widowed and a few who were divorced.
Later, in Ohio in 2006, my husband hired on to a Children's Director position at a Baptist Church about thirty minutes away from us. After a year, the quarter-time position lost funding. The church had a split and the Pastor moved on to another state. My husband's ADHD symptoms made excelling at the Director position difficult. It ended up being a discouragement to him, as it didn't make much use of his teaching gift, and required more organization and multi-tasking than he could manage. I tried to help with the organizational part, but again, I had a new baby to care for. Mary was born a few months after he began the position, when the boys were three and five.
Since that time, he hasn't done much ministry--just volunteering at AWANA and VBS. He is still interested in teaching, but feels like the pace of our home life needs to settle down a bit first.
Back to the sin issue. We have pinpointed possible areas that God wanted tightened, spiritually speaking. We made necessary changes. And we continue to ask God to search our hearts and show us our sin.
Joy, from the Memoria Arts blog, recently made mention of her husband's two-and-a-half year unemployment crisis. I hadn't known that it went on that long. My countenance fell, upon reading it. How does one hang on that long? It has been sixteen months for us, but my husband found part-time work within the first month, so our crisis has been more of an underemployment one.
So. Today was a weird day, to say the least. Not sure what to make of it.
_______________________________
VBS began this week and the children are overly excited. The last one fell asleep at 10:00 p.m., which is not unusual for VBS weeks. It is hard to wait that long for some quiet time around here, but I do love VBS weeks for the growth they encourage!
At closing time tonight, my Paul eagerly raised his hand to answer Pastor's question about why the shepherd forgot about the other ninety-nine sheep and went after just the one. Matthew 18:12-14
"Because he loved him very much!"
Amen, my little Paul. Amen!
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
putting our talents to use
Contemplating a daycare business today, run with my husband's help. We both have teaching gifts and we have a yard and teaching materials, a multitude of books, some good traditional toys, and a house conducive to this type business.
While my husband has trouble being patient with my ADHD son, he is plenty patient with our other children, and was very patient when we ran a daycare in 2006, and in parts of 2007. Babies aren't his forte, true, but they are certainly mine.
At most, we had two children at a time: a fourteen-month-old baby girl, and a three-year-old preschooler girl. They were very happy here. Unfortunately, I had to say goodbye to them when I suffered severe morning sickness with Mary's unexpected pregnancy. The parents were upset with me, as it is a hardship to find new childcare--both for the parents and for their children, who need stability while Mom and Dad are away. I felt terrible, but saw no other option. I was really struggling to care for my own children. Husband worked second shift and helped me until 2:30 p.m., but that wasn't enough.
During the time I babysat, I spent three to four hours a night cleaning my house. I had no free time! It was perhaps the hardest I'd ever worked in my life. I don't relish the return of that pace of life, but in order to save the house, I don't see another option.
Our children enjoyed having the other children here. It will be hard for my Beth at first to have less of Mommy. God will have to provide the grace we'll need, just as he would if I had more biological children. I've learned a lot from blogs on running large families. We would essentially be adding to our family, and would have to treat each child the same.
There is no financial stability in the daycare business, and no health benefits, so it isn't ideal. But, it puts our God-given talents to good use. I know how to be a blessing to children, and I can be a non-judgmental support to parents, whatever their lifestyle.
It all starts with an ad in the newspaper. So long as I can keep up with the cost of the ad, I will give this a go. And see how God provides.
While my husband has trouble being patient with my ADHD son, he is plenty patient with our other children, and was very patient when we ran a daycare in 2006, and in parts of 2007. Babies aren't his forte, true, but they are certainly mine.
At most, we had two children at a time: a fourteen-month-old baby girl, and a three-year-old preschooler girl. They were very happy here. Unfortunately, I had to say goodbye to them when I suffered severe morning sickness with Mary's unexpected pregnancy. The parents were upset with me, as it is a hardship to find new childcare--both for the parents and for their children, who need stability while Mom and Dad are away. I felt terrible, but saw no other option. I was really struggling to care for my own children. Husband worked second shift and helped me until 2:30 p.m., but that wasn't enough.
During the time I babysat, I spent three to four hours a night cleaning my house. I had no free time! It was perhaps the hardest I'd ever worked in my life. I don't relish the return of that pace of life, but in order to save the house, I don't see another option.
Our children enjoyed having the other children here. It will be hard for my Beth at first to have less of Mommy. God will have to provide the grace we'll need, just as he would if I had more biological children. I've learned a lot from blogs on running large families. We would essentially be adding to our family, and would have to treat each child the same.
There is no financial stability in the daycare business, and no health benefits, so it isn't ideal. But, it puts our God-given talents to good use. I know how to be a blessing to children, and I can be a non-judgmental support to parents, whatever their lifestyle.
It all starts with an ad in the newspaper. So long as I can keep up with the cost of the ad, I will give this a go. And see how God provides.
mindset
We read this Psalm at lunch. Dwelling on it tonight:
Psalm 145:8,9
The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. The Lord is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made.
Psalm 145:17-19
The Lord is righteous in all his ways and loving toward all he has made. The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them.
That time of no hope is upon me again. So predictable now. Why do you suppose the Lord gives women this time of month? This time of tears, downtrodden face, doomsday musings? Do we need a time to call out to him desperately, with abandon? Does it keep our pride...our independence, in check? Perhaps it's just part of Eve's sin curse--lumped with the "pain in childbirth" thing? I've not dealt with this rhythm regularly since the year 2000. Rediscovering the uncanny nature of it, I suppose.
The trash man came today.
I studied his face, as he picked up rain-sogged trash bags, one by one. It was not a happy face.
Is he well paid? Have benefits? Does he have a family?
Does he wonder why some people get to go to their cushy desk jobs, while he has to deal with our filth?
My husband cleans for a living. Same as the trash man--other people's filth.
No, he doesn't like it either.
Some have talents. Some have sharp minds. Some have both. Some only have their bodies. For whatever reason, their minds don't bring home a paycheck. A learning disability? A poor education? A disorder that limits? No ambition? A checkered past?
When man lived off the land, it was a given that talents were passed down from generation to generation. Now, labor is specialized.
Can't fix your clogged sink? Call the plumber.
Can't churn your own butter? You need the grocery store.
Can't build your own house, or fence? Call a carpenter.
Progress has made us all more helpless, in a way. When you lose your job, you're in a fix for a while. Changing fields is never simple or quick, no matter how many mouths there are to feed.
I read some economic news today. Depression. They're throwing that word around again. Are we headed for it? How many families will wish they had multiple talents? How many will wish they could trade food for their labor?
Back to the trash man and my husband.
God gave out talents and differing levels of intelligence. And he gave out disabilities.
Some disabilities can be overcome. Compensated for, rather. Some can be medicated.
Others must be endured.
I thought about the trash man, and my husband, when I read this today.
The Lord is righteous in all his ways and loving toward all he has made.
He does not value the trash man less. He who cleaned up our filth, with his blood.
We put value on men. We say, "How can he stand that?! Who would want to do it?"
Lord, I don't know what to say tonight. Your ways are mysterious. Bless the man whose face I studied today. Bless my husband. Encourage their hearts. Help them to have a kingdom mindset. Your mindset. Disengage them emotionally from society's hierarchy. May they be the best they can be, and give the glory to You. May they know, deep within, the truth of these words:
The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love......The Lord is righteous in all his ways and loving toward all he has made.
In your name, Amen.
Psalm 145:8,9
The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. The Lord is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made.
Psalm 145:17-19
The Lord is righteous in all his ways and loving toward all he has made. The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them.
That time of no hope is upon me again. So predictable now. Why do you suppose the Lord gives women this time of month? This time of tears, downtrodden face, doomsday musings? Do we need a time to call out to him desperately, with abandon? Does it keep our pride...our independence, in check? Perhaps it's just part of Eve's sin curse--lumped with the "pain in childbirth" thing? I've not dealt with this rhythm regularly since the year 2000. Rediscovering the uncanny nature of it, I suppose.
The trash man came today.
I studied his face, as he picked up rain-sogged trash bags, one by one. It was not a happy face.
Is he well paid? Have benefits? Does he have a family?
Does he wonder why some people get to go to their cushy desk jobs, while he has to deal with our filth?
My husband cleans for a living. Same as the trash man--other people's filth.
No, he doesn't like it either.
Some have talents. Some have sharp minds. Some have both. Some only have their bodies. For whatever reason, their minds don't bring home a paycheck. A learning disability? A poor education? A disorder that limits? No ambition? A checkered past?
When man lived off the land, it was a given that talents were passed down from generation to generation. Now, labor is specialized.
Can't fix your clogged sink? Call the plumber.
Can't churn your own butter? You need the grocery store.
Can't build your own house, or fence? Call a carpenter.
Progress has made us all more helpless, in a way. When you lose your job, you're in a fix for a while. Changing fields is never simple or quick, no matter how many mouths there are to feed.
I read some economic news today. Depression. They're throwing that word around again. Are we headed for it? How many families will wish they had multiple talents? How many will wish they could trade food for their labor?
Back to the trash man and my husband.
God gave out talents and differing levels of intelligence. And he gave out disabilities.
Some disabilities can be overcome. Compensated for, rather. Some can be medicated.
Others must be endured.
I thought about the trash man, and my husband, when I read this today.
The Lord is righteous in all his ways and loving toward all he has made.
He does not value the trash man less. He who cleaned up our filth, with his blood.
We put value on men. We say, "How can he stand that?! Who would want to do it?"
Lord, I don't know what to say tonight. Your ways are mysterious. Bless the man whose face I studied today. Bless my husband. Encourage their hearts. Help them to have a kingdom mindset. Your mindset. Disengage them emotionally from society's hierarchy. May they be the best they can be, and give the glory to You. May they know, deep within, the truth of these words:
The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love......The Lord is righteous in all his ways and loving toward all he has made.
In your name, Amen.
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