Live With No Regrets

Grandmother, 1894
Thomas James Lloyd

What's the biggest heartache for an empty-nest parent? No, it's not that grandchildren haven't come yet.


Prayer circles I've participated in over the years? They've tragically revealed this heartache, felt by millions: unsaved or backsliding adult children


In the last prayer circle a few weeks ago, the same desperate prayer: a backsliding adult son, living with his girlfriend, with whom he fathered a child.


The individual circumstances? They always vary, but the sorrow in the parental eyes? The regret? It's the same. 


As I listened this last time, my own heart cried out to the Lord. Please, may this not be me in fifteen years. May I be spared this sorrow. May I listen to everything you tell me to do, so that I can live without regret.


Granted, no matter how dedicated we are, no matter how open to the Holy Spirit we are, there are no guarantees. That praying father may have been a wonderful father, with a prodigal son. 


It happens. Children either never give their lives to Jesus, or they do so in childhood, only to fall away. Gifted pastors, serving the Lord all their lives, sometimes cheat on their wives, leaving large families for a mistress. How does such heart tragedy happen? How does Satan win so decidedly? 


Free will. It's a powerful force. A force Satan loves to manipulate and control.


As I've prayed parental prayers this last year, and tried to listen to God's response, I've heard this word a lot: 


Self Discipline


We live by grace as Christians, yes. Absolutely. But grace can be misunderstood. It doesn't mean we shouldn't strive. It means that when we strive and fail, we're covered. On the flip side, striving can be so overdone, we begin to think we can save ourselves.


The reason I'm trying to get up early in the morning? The reason I'm trying to write a workable detailed schedule for our day? The reason I keep tweaking our prayer jars? The reason I've written prayer-journey posts, prayer-system posts, and devotional posts?


It's all in response to the Holy Spirit's whisper of this word:  Self Discipline


A self-disciplined person lives intentionally. They don't pray for five days in a row and then skip it for ten. (Unless tragedy has struck and temporary shock sets in.) They don't say they're going to do devotions with their children, and then try it for three days and quit. They don't sing the praises of family dinners and then schedule so many sports, there's no time for family dinners.


When we're fifty-five and asking for prayer for an unsaved child, will we look back and regret, with a broken heart, all the devotions we didn't conduct? All the family dinners we didn't insist on? All the heart talks--the discipling--we were too busy for?


Yes! We'll weep and weep, wishing we could have another chance. 


Yes, God can redeem the brokenness. But sin always comes with consequences and God doesn't always erase or soften those. They can hurt forever.


Every great accomplishment comes from this: conquering our will. We must reign it in and live intentionally, whether the goal is to be an Olympic skater, or to raise a devoted Christian child. (Though, keeping in mind, salvation is a work of the Lord's grace, not our striving. But you know what I mean.)


My son had a rip-roaring fit this morning, twenty minutes into his day. I didn't feel at all like conducting devotions with my children. I felt like crying and eating chocolate.


But then, the Holy Spirit whispered it again: Self Discipline


I persevered, thanks to His whispers and my daily schedule. We started with each person praying from the heart, and then we used the morning prayer jar for the requests we didn't want to forget. 


Afterwards, I experienced the fruits of self-discipline. Freedom and Peace. When we reign in our will, our wayward emotions, we truly experience the freedom in Christ we read about in the Bible.


The word discipline is similar to disciple. We when exercise self-discipline, we disciple ourselves. 


Some of you may remember that I'm forty-six years old. A little late to embrace self-discipline? Well, it's certainly not an ideal time, but it's never too late.


Growing up, I wasn't taught self-discipline. My unsaved parents had no vision, but praise God, they gave me love. Love covers a multitude of wrongs, but love mixed with vision? That's even better.


Children need to know what it feels like to consistently force themselves to do something they hate, whether it be brushing their teeth, making their bed, or doing a personal prayer or Bible time. They need to feel the rewards of self-discipline--Freedom and Peace--so they can create a lifelong habit of reigning in their will.


How do we get them there? We start with ourselves. 


What calculated steps can you take today to reign in your will? How can you live and parent intentionally? One thing's for sure: Satan will hate you for it.


Hebrews 12:11
For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

Jaw Dropping

Why did Jesus go to all that trouble on the tree?

~ because God wanted to fellowship with us, just like He did with Adam and Eve in Paradise.

~ because He loves us.

~ because He wants to fill us to abundance, to teach us to love, so we can love someone else.

You see, Jesus isn't here in the flesh anymore. We, the saved, are the substitute lovers...the substitute grace givers. We are to be the hands, feet, and heart of Jesus....to our fellow man.

It is a command, not merely a lofty idea.

But we're not getting it here in America.

The Average American...

...woman owns 12 pairs of shoes and spends $370 a year on them.

...spends $850 on soft drinks every year.

...spends $1536 on cable every year.

Who is it we're loving?  Ourselves.


We are not his followers if we do not deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow Him.





Almost half the world – over three billion people – live on less than $2.50 a day. And at least 80 percent of humanity lives on less than $10 a day.

stats from globalissues.org

Please, follow Jesus. Sponsor a child today from Compassion, one of the most successful child rescue missions on earth. 


Proverbs 14:31
He who oppresses the poor shows contempt for their Maker, but whoever is kind to the needy honors God.

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• Most important of all, your sponsored child will hear about Jesus Christ and be encouraged to develop a lifelong relationship with God.

When you sponsor a child, you'll receive your child's photo, personal story and a child sponsorship packet by mail in approximately 15 days.

When children find out they've been sponsored, the joy they feel is indescribable. Just knowing that someone across the globe cares means more than you can imagine. Sponsoring a child will profoundly change the future for your child, and will change your own life as well. (from Compassion website)

Facts courtesy of Shaun Groves, the Compassion website, and globalissues.org

Parenting as a Prayer

It began with a spelling word I dictated this morning...one which escapes me now. Praise flowed easy from my lips, assuring my boys what wonderful husbands and fathers they would make some day.

"Not me. I don't behave."

His utterance? The pain of a knife. The words stabbed my heart sharp.

Images of failure infiltrated my mind, sending me into panic about his future. Would his discouragement lead to failure and frustration? Have we ruined him already?

No, Father! Not to my boy! Stop this downward spiral...this blind duplication of the sins of our fathers. 

It was like the Holy Spirit slapped me.

I write in this space about how gentle God is. How patient. And yes, he can be.

But sometimes, perhaps in answer to our own prayers, he slaps us with the truth. He wants change. One-hundred-eighty-degree change. He aims to stop destruction in its path.

My husband knows something of this destruction. Though a wonderful, hardworking Christian man, he can barely support us financially, even with 54 hours a week. We've hovered around the poverty level for some years now, in part because of wounding words shot like bullets, from my husband's hard-hearted dad.

When someone fails to "make it" in life, it's always complicated. It's rarely one thing, but a number of things working together.

But marrying him? It wasn't a mistake. God chose him for me. In so many ways we're perfect together. One of my spiritual gifts is faith...75% of the time poverty doesn't phase me. I know God provides.

The lessons of poverty? They're priceless...and ours is a minor poverty. Merely a comparative poverty. We have everything we need, and thanks to the generosity of family, our children have a few of their wants. Most people living in poverty in American do have everything they need. A lot of the needs come from thrift stores, because in rich countries like America, second-hand items are as good as new.

As I look around, I know I have a rare perspective. A perspective more valuable than a fat paycheck. With no disposable money, my focus is more steady than it would be. Fewer choices means fewer distractions. And I truly need God, every day.

Back to my son...the one who shot me with "Not me. I don't behave." He behaved horrifically over the weekend. With ADHD in our midst, weekends challenge us emotionally. Inevitably the routine changes; few people live seven days a week with the same routine. It's neither healthy nor desirable, and God himself desires rest for us.

But for reasons we can't pinpoint, this last weekend proved far worse than usual. Weariness and desperation took hold of me. I'm the one here with him 24/7, except for grocery trips. The full weight of ADHD falls squarely on me, and it takes a toll, especially on weekends.

My words weren't careful. I tossed worrisome ones about the future. Not shouting, not losing it...just worthless lecturing.

Lecturing an emotional mess of a child is never wise.

"How can you bless your own wife and children someday, if you don't learn to control your temper?"
My son didn't hear a warning. Or a reprimand. He heard a prediction. You will fail.
I fear it's the same prediction my husband carried with him, all these years. You will fail.

Though he got good grades in high school and Bible college, my husband did fail at most things he tried over the years, except being a husband and father. He's wonderful at the eternal things, thank the Lord.

Boys don't often wear their hearts in their body language, the way girls do. My girls are so sensitive, we know to tread lightly, blending just the right amount of discipline with love.

Maybe boys' lips don't quiver. Maybe they don't slump over with broken hearts, sobbing at the tiniest reprimand.

But they're just as fragile. They count on parents, especially on their fathers, to pass on assurance. Confidence. A strong masculinity allows them to compete in the workplace to take care of their families. It allows them to love their families with their whole heart, rather than busying themselves chasing self-worth.

Ephesians 6:4
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Colossians 3:21

Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged. 

My husband? He's one of the fortunate ones. He has the Lord to speak truth into his soul. So many people wounded in childhood never know the redemption of a loving, perfect Heavenly Father.

My son's prediction about his own future? I believe it was God, halting the parental sins that lead to destruction. And I know it isn't as simple as me reprimanding myself, "Gee, I need to watch my mouth. I need to use uplifting words."


I will fail again. I'll say the wrong things, and I'll accidentally bring up the future again. (My advice? Don't mention the future when you're redirecting children. Keep it short, simple, and relevant.)

Because this boy, he's hard to raise. He's like four kids in one. Most children with disabilities are exhausting to rear. And me? Not only imperfect, but the nervous and conscientious type...maybe the worse kind of parent for an ADHD child.

My son needs redirecting several times a hour, unless he's lost in a book. On some days exhaustion and frustration plague both of us by mid-morning. I don't know how to stop the steady drip of his anger and negativity, and he doesn't know how to stop the steady drip of my reprimands.

But this is just our story. Every parent and child have a story locked up inside. Secretly, we all fear we'll repeat the sins of our parents.

And the sad thing is, we do.

Unless....

...parenting is a prayer. One long, never-stopping prayer. The Holy Spirit pricks us, but that isn't enough; it only stops some of the bleed.


Prayer changes patterns of destruction. Parents don't raise a godly child. Lecturing doesn't raise a godly child. Prayer does.


Turn every Holy Spirit whisper into a prayer.


And pray:

~ for their salvation
~ for the right words at the right time.
~ for wisdom...yours and theirs.
~ that they'll marry a strong Christian spouse with a supportive family.
~ that they'll develop consistent Bible reading habits and a strong prayer life.
~ for their discernment with friends.
~ for their purity.
~ for their self-control and work ethic.
~ for hearts of gratitude.
~ that they'll care for the poor and needy.
~ that they'll be sensitive to the Holy Spirit's leading.
~ that they'll be a long-suffering, selfless, and wise husband and father, or wife and mother.
~ that they'll seek God's will for their lives.
~ that they'll forgive and forget past grievances.

And better yet, pray the Scriptures for them. Every time you read Scripture, pray it for their lives. Here are some to try below, as an example of this practice, from http://www.prayingscriptures.com/children.shtml

Acts 19:20.........I thank you Father that Your Word prevails over our children. 
Isa 54:13...........That they are taught of the Lord and continue to be 
Prov 13:1.......... the fruit of godly instruction and correction. 
Isa 54:13...........Great is their peace and undisturbed composure. 
Prov 2:6............ Father, give us counsel and wisdom in bringing up our children.
1Pet 1:14.......... I say they are obedient, not conforming to the things of the flesh,
1Pet 1:15.......... but holy, in all conduct. 
1Pet 2:2........... desiring the pure milk of the Word that they may grow thereby.
Jas 1:19............That they are swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to wrath.
Heb 13:5.......... Their conduct is without covetousness,
Heb 13:5.......... and they are content with what they have.
Heb 13:16......... They do not forget to do what is right and to share. 
2Pet 3:18.......... I pray that they grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord,
1Thes 4:1......... and abound more and more in how they should walk and please You.
1Pet 5:5........... That they submit to their elders, and to one another,
1Pet 5:5........... being clothed with humility.
1Pet 5:7........... That they cast their cares upon You, Father, for You care for them.
Jas 1:22............I thank You that they are doers of the Word, and not hearers only,
Ph'm 1:6...........effectively sharing their faith. 
2Tim 1:7 ..........not having a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind.
2Tim 1:9...........Father, You have saved them and called them with a holy calling, 
2Tim 1:9 ..........not according to works, but according to Your own purpose.
2Tim 4:18.........Deliver them from every evil work and preserve them.
John 10:5 ........They will by no means follow strangers, not knowing their voices. 
2Tim2:22 .........They abide with others who call on the Lord out of a pure heart,
Jas 3:10 ..........and cursing comes not out of their mouth.
1Jn 5:18 ..........Because Jesus keeps them safe, the wicked one does not touch them. 
Ps 91:11..........Give Your angels special charge to accompany, defend, preserve
Ps 4:8.............and provide safety for them, day and night.
1Jn 2:5 ...........Because they keep Your Word, Your love is being perfected in them.
1Jn 2:15 .........They do not love the world or the things in the world, 
3Jn 1:11..........and they do not imitate what is evil, but what is good. 
1Jn 1:7 ...........They walk in the light as You are in the Light,
Jas 4:8 ...........cleansing their hands and purifying their hearts, 
2Tim 2:22 .......They follow after righteousness, faith, love, and peace.
Heb 13:18........They have a good conscience and desire to live honorably,
Prov 3:4 ..........having favor and high esteem with God and man.

Linking with Emily at imperfect prose

Linking with Jen at Finding Heaven

Thanksgiving Creates Abundance

“Thanksgiving creates abundance; and the miracle of multiplying happens when I give thanks–take the just one loaf, say it is enough, and give thanks–and He miraculously makes it more than enough.”

Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts

Dear Lord, I thank you for...

...sisters in love.

...sisters in raincoats.

...Compassion Tanzania trip blog posts.

...a loving, supportive husband.

...the latest Kisses From Katie blog post.

...the wonder of childhood.

...following my Beth through the woods.

...sunshine on Saturday.

...a snake sighting in the pond at the nature center.

...the Holy Spirit's help in discipling my four blessings.

...sunshine on Sunday.

...an outstanding sermon series on Romans.

...amazing food prices at Aldi's discount market (thank you Terri!)

...blueberries, strawberries, raspberries.

...strawberry picking coming soon.

...tasty sweet corn from Aldi's.

...prayer warriors on the case for a relative of mine, for a job desperately needed.

...peace in my soul even though many prayer requests remain unanswered.

...her smile and her energy.

...her hugs and delight.

...Paul telling us he had a wonderful time at the park.

...meeting sweet kids at the park.

...a Daddy who plays.

...two sons giggling and giggling.

...Beth not minding her arthritis while at the park. And thank you that she didn't limp.


...Momma's milk lasting all this time and she's still interested.


...the best park apparatus we've ever encountered, right near the Aldi's market.


...the first Mercy House Kenya baby is now nine months old. Praise God for Kristen Welsh's heart and obedience to God's Word and His calling. You can check the Mercy House link on my side bar for updates and prayer needs.

...joy on their faces.

...all the laundry folded.

...in the midst of sorrow, always joy for the taking.

...children staying asleep during my latest devotional times.

...a couple on the verge of divorce trying again. Praise God!

linking with Laura today

Scripture Sunday

My Mary, age 5, enjoying a nature center presentation on amphibians and reptiles.

But ask the animals, and they will teach you;

the birds of the air, and they will tell you;

ask the plants of the earth, and they will teach you;

and the fish of the sea will declare to you.

Who among all these does not know

that the hand of the Lord has done this?

In his hand is the life of every living thing

and the breath of every human being.

- Job 12, 7 - 10