How to Really Love Your Children

What flavor parent are you?

Are you a conscientious parent, always serving fruit and the right amount of dairy servings? Religiously combing everyone's hair and checking their faces before outings? Do you check their clothes for stains and hang everything from the dryer so their clothes are neat, not disheveled? Do you read stories to them faithfully every night? Reading the Bible too and listening to them pray?

Or, are you a fun parent, always laughing with them, tickling and joking? Do you play hide-and-seek outside on summer evenings instead of worrying about the dishes? Do you catch fireflies with them and chase after butterflies? Do you entertain them in the bath, eliciting giggles and squeals? Are there always practical jokes going on in your home?

Maybe you're a highly organized parent, with hooks for every backpack and hat and a tidy place for important papers? Are your dinners all planned for the next week with accompanying groceries already purchased? Do you have your back-to-school supplies already bundled up, ready to go? Are the kids' afterschool activities arranged and on the calendar?

We can be many things to our kids, excelling in this area or that, depending on what our gifts are. If we could be a fly on the wall in ten separate homes, we'd find parents of all stripes, really good at one or two things and mediocre at others.

But as my friend Emily Wierenga reminded yesterday, the most important thing for us to be good at, is love. If we can get this one thing right, a multitude of wrongs pass away.

1 Peter 4:8
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

Some children need to hear "I love you" many times a day, or "I love how you put such bright colors in that painting". They need our affirming words.

Others need to be cradled in our arms several times a day, held tightly, or nestled against us on the easy chair for a story or song. They need our physical touch.

Still others need us to sit and play that favorite board game with them, or talk to them long about everything and nothing. They need our undivided attention--some quality time.

Some need little token gifts given here and there, like a note on the pillow or a Hershey's kiss in the lunch box.

And lastly, some need acts of service performed regularly, like their bed made or their room tidied as a little surprise.

Oh, I know. The more children you have the more complicated these five love languages become. The best thing moms of many can do is to pick out one or two children a day--preferably pairing the ones with the same primary love language--and concentrate on giving them what they need on that particular day, especially.



Gary Chapman's updated The 5 Love Languages of Children published on January, 2012. It sells for $10.19 on Amazon. Or for $9.99 on Christianbook.com

Here is an excerpt from Amazon reviewer Dylan Coe's featured write up:

As a mom, I found that The 5 Love Languages of Children was one of the best books I could have read. Even though my children are just preschoolers, they still require their love languages being spoken. Gary Champan and Ross Campbell use biblical principles, personal illustrations, and personal application to really open up your eyes to your child's needs. I highly recommend this book to any parent - new or old. It might just be the charge your family needs to go from average to exemplary. If every child had their love languages met just think of what a better place we would live in.

The love languages are the same for children as they are for adults. This book just concentrates on loving your children, rather than on nurturing your relationship with your spouse. Here is a table explaining the five languages, taken from http://www.5lovelanguages.com/learn-the-languages/the-five-love-languages/

• Words of Affirmation

  Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

• Quality Time

  In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

• Receiving Gifts

  Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.

• Acts of Service

  Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

• Physical Touch

  This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

Now that we know what we're doing, ready, set... Go Love! 

Because if love isn't a verb...what is it?

Victorian photo credit 

Baked Oatmeal For Breakfast

It was our turn to bring a breakfast food to Sunday morning fellowship. Our church fellowships from 9:30 to 10:00, right before church. I found this healthy, lowfat baked oatmeal recipe. Moist and delicious, it was enjoyed by all. Baking this the night before really cuts down on breakfast prep time. Just pop a piece in the microwave.

 Baked Oatmeal print recipe here

Ingredients

• 
  
• 2 cups uncooked quick-cooking oats (or use regular whole oats and add 10 minutes baking time)
• 1/2 cup packed brown sugar
• 1/3 cup raisins (or cranberries, or blueberries, or mashed bananas)
• 1 tablespoon chopped walnuts (I left this out.)
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1 1/2 cups fat-free milk
• 1/2 cup applesauce  (or use 1/2 canned pure pumpkin and add some cinnamon and nutmeg)
• 2 tablespoons butter, melted
• 1 large egg, beaten
• Cooking spray

1. Procedure
2. Preheat oven to 375°.
3. Combine the first 5 ingredients in a medium bowl. Combine the milk, applesauce, butter, and egg. Add milk mixture to oat mixture; stir well. Pour oat mixture into an 8-inch square baking dish coated with cooking spray. Bake at 375° for 20 minutes. Serve warm.

It is supposed to be very moist, but mine turned out soupy with just 20 minutes baking time. I added 4 minutes baking time and it was still very moist, but not soupy. Some people pour milk and fruit over it.

Nutrition information (If less than 30% of the calories come from fat, the dish is considered a lowfat food. We should try to keep our total fat intake each day at less 30% of our total caloric intake. I always figure about 3 grams of fat per 100 calories. Protein and carbohydrates have 4 calories per gram, and fat has 9 calories per gram)

Calories: 281
Calories from fat: 24%
Fat: 7.6g
Saturated fat: 2.8g
Monounsaturated fat: 1.5g
Polyunsaturated fat: 0.9g
Protein: 7g
Carbohydrate: 48.8g
Fiber: 3.4g
Cholesterol: 47mg
Iron: 0.8mg
Sodium: 171mg
Calcium: 148mg

Pray For Your Children

Favorite quote of the week...from Ann Voskamp's Friday post:

Prayer isn’t merely talking to God — it is being transformed by God.Prayer is this moving towards God, heat of a holy fire, and feeling the dross burn away, burning away that word that comes too quickly, “I.”Because “I,” it isn’t my name, but His — He alone is the Great I AM.Life, it’s not about me. It’s not about what I want. It’s about being whollyI AM‘s.And in the praying — it becomes not about what I want — but what He wills. The nearer you draw to a holy, loving God, all the “I”s, they burn away into this willing Yes.

Have you prayed for your children this week? The one who doesn't share well? Or the one who struggles with jealousy? Or the one with the independence so deep, you wonder if God will be number one in her life?

We can lecture, sure. We can set good examples, yes. But nothing is as powerful--in their lives or in our hearts--as a mother's prayers. 

Do you have a pray card for each child? (And for your husband?) Make copies and put one in your purse and one with your Bible. Some suggestions for each pray card:

Pray For:

~ salvation

~ purity

~ discernment concerning friends

~ specific heart issues (jealousy, lack of humility, trouble forgiving, anger, disobedience/defiance, poor work ethic)

~ specific health issues (poor eating habits, diseases, weight gain or loss, eczema, allergies, sleep habits)

~ a servant's heart

~ that you and your husband will disciple them effectively and consistently

~ that the Lord will help both parents to parent sacrificially

~ healing of their fears and anxieties

~ consistent spiritual habits (i.e. Bible reading, personal prayer, confession of sins)

~ mercy and grace to develop and flourish in their hearts

~ that they will advocate for and care for orphans, widows and the poor, and use their resources in godly ways

~ their future spouse and marriage

~ that their children (your grandchildren) will be believers

~ strong sibling relationships

~ obedience towards parents and God

~ a strong work ethic

~ good study habits

~ a strong Christian support system

~ discernment concerning media usage

~ freedom from any type of addiction (money, electronic devices, food, drugs, dangerous experiences)

photo credit

The Body of Christ, Part 3

agapegeek.com

Just as we all have gifts designed to build up the Body of Christ, we all have weaknesses too. Just as the Body of Christ needs us, we need the Body of Christ, which is why we must regularly be in fellowship with other believers, both in our home church and at work and in our neighborhoods--wherever we can find fellow believers.

But why? Can't we just religiously read our Bibles, pray much, and get sanctified right in our own homes? Other people only complicate our walks, don't they?

A resounding No! We need the Body of Christ to help us see ourselves as we really are. Sinners. Broken, Messy.

I have an idea of myself that doesn't match reality. And you do too. We tend to think of ourselves the way we want to be. The person we aspire to be. The problem with this is that while we're too judgmental of other people, we're too easy on ourselves. We don't see the plank in our own eyes because we're blinded by a false image of who we are.

When we can pull off a good "Christian front", we go to church, acting like all is well. But when our lives get so messy we can't hide it, we avoid fellowship.

As I researched for this piece I read article after article, never finding anything on the reality I knew to be true. That Christians don't want to be vulnerable and share burdens. It's too scary and we're too weak.

So the beautiful Body of Christ concept that we work as one body to build up the Church, never becomes reality.

Finally, I found this article. It exudes candidness and power and truth. Here is an excerpt:

Multiply this by the hundreds of millions of broken Christians. They are merely human, but their church says they must be more than human to be good Christians. They cannot speak of or even acknowledge their troubled lives. Their marriages are wounded. Their children are hurting. They are filled with fear and the sins of the flesh. They are depressed and addicted, yet they can only approach the church with the lie that all is well, and if it becomes apparent that all is not well, they avoid the church.

I do not blame the church for this situation. It is always human nature to avoid the mirror and prefer the self-portrait. I blame all of us who know better. We know this is not the message of the Gospels, the Bible or of Jesus. But we-- every one of us--is afraid to live otherwise. What if someone knew we were not a good Christian? Ah...what if...what if....

I close with something I have said many times before. The Prodigal son, there on his knees, his father's touch upon him, was not a "good" or "victorious" Christian. He was broken. A failure. He wasn't even good at being honest. He wanted religion more than grace. His father baptized him in mercy, and resurrected him in grace. His brokenness was wrapped up in the robe and the embrace of God.

Why do we want to be better than that boy? Why do we make the older brother the goal of Christian experience? Why do we want to add our own addition to the parable, where the prodigal straightens out and becomes a successful youth speaker, writing books and doing youth revivals?

This? It's sad truth. We're afraid to admit that despite getting saved, we're still a mess. We don't get too close to the Body of Christ for fear they will find us out. If we could see ourselves the way the person in the next pew sees us, we would really begin to grow. We would come face to face with our daily need for Grace.

We don't need Jesus just the one time--the moment of our salvation. We need him to cover our brokenness every day. We'll be broken and needy until we take our last breath on this earth. Let's not paint too rosy a picture and so deceive ourselves and others. The full fix doesn't come until heaven.

As we fellowship and persevere in the experience, we learn this. That we're all the same...a mess. No one escapes brokenness, no matter how much their facade says otherwise.

Yes, fellowship gets messy and people annoy us. We annoy them right back. The solution to messy fellowship is to love our neighbors unconditionally, continuing to forgive time and again. We accomplish this on-going act of grace by learning to see them with Jesus' eyes. With grace eyes.

There's no humbling of spirits when we sit at home, safe from interaction. We remain haughty and harsh, pointing our fingers at everyone else's flaws. In contrast, as a persevering member of the Body, we become as humble and whole as we'll ever be, here on earth. We fill in each other's weaknesses and cover one another, the way Jesus covers us. We become a living picture of the Cross.

So fellow Christians, take a vow. Don't pretend anymore. Be real, fellowship freely, ask for help, accept help, give help. By becoming a persevering member of the Body of Christ, you'll essentially give up your life to save it. You'll become a living sacrifice. So get down and dirty and learn to really love.

Ephesians 5:25-27

Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

VBS Highlights And The Mother-Daughter Thing

Vacation Bible School Highlights

The first night I held and played with two toddlers in the nursery from 5:45 PM - 8:20 PM, ages 15 months and 2 years. Oh, the sweetness and the energy! Around 7:30 PM they slowed down and since their cribs were back at home, they leaned against me awhile before getting their second wind. You know that hyperactive wave of energy that comes when a child is overtired? I pitied the parents because I knew it would be a rough night and a rough day the next day.

On night two the 2-year-old boy was visiting his father, and the 15-month-old girl was home with a teenage brother, catching up on sleep. I helped in the craft room instead, making stenciled, painted T-shirts with all three groups. My favorite pink cotton shirt that matches two of my dressy skirts and all of my jean skirts, did not get ruined. Not a spot of paint...even while helping preschoolers paint! God knows my needs. :)

Before the program starts the pastor has everyone go outside for a quick silly game. Last night he showed us three nylon socks--the kind old ladies wear under their polyester pants. He proposed that a child from each group put the nylon over their head and face like a bandit mask, and then try to suck pudding out of a commercial pudding cup, in a race to see who could consume the most pudding. Can you imagine this activity in the middle of a heat advisory?

I am trying to give thanks for this frugal Christian Missionary Alliance church that doesn't use air conditioning in most of the building. It saves them a ton of money I'm sure, to send over to missionaries and for benevolence funds at home. They are doing the right thing and my priorities are all wrong. I wish I had the chops to turn my air off at home.

We have become a massively air-conditioned country, whereas previously it was only used in hospitals and a few other public buildings. In the past, people slowed down more in the summer and workers didn't have to wear suits this time of year. Neighbors visited more as they spent summer evenings outside.

I am working on getting back to our country's frugal roots. Just as soon as these heat advisories go away....

Anyway, back to those nylon socks and that pudding.

Guess who volunteered for the K-2 group? Yes, my Mary! She is brave and funny and so independent. My husband, Peter and Mary can stand the heat pretty well, but Paul, Beth and Mommy are heat wimps. You couldn't pay me enough to put a nylon over my head on a nice day, much less a heat-advisory day.

I am proud of her independent spirit, except when she insists on wearing a pretty bathing suit one size too big, just because it's pretty and she wants to show everyone how pretty it is. We have one that fits her, but in her opinion it's too plain. So I sent my five-year-old daughter to VBS for water balloon fights in a too-large bathing suit that sagged at the bottom and at the chest.

Oh, I was embarrassed all right, but at this church there are a couple of little girls who wear whatever they pick out themselves, even if it's the wrong season for the outfit. Often, one part of the outfit is for summer and one part for winter. Sometimes the outfits are too large and sometimes they're too small. These mothers pick their battles and clothing isn't one of them. So I thought Mary could get away with her streak of bathing suit independence on just this one night. 

Usually I give her three acceptable choices as to outfits, but we only have two bathing suits so I shot myself in the foot for not looking harder.

So we're driving home and I ask her how it went with the bathing suit (I was in the craft room the whole time). She said that one of the mom helpers tried to fix her bathing suit so that it fit better. But Mary told her, "Oh, it's no use. It's just too big."

Mommy:  Did you tell her that you're the one who insisted on wearing it? That you wouldn't listen to your Mommy's opinion? 

Mary:  "No, I didn't say anything like that."

Oh...mothering girls. They're so sweet at times, aren't they?

Something tells me it won't get any easier from here on out. Five just might be the age for the mother-daughter thing to start in earnest.

God help me.