Sunday, September 30, 2012

A Note to Readers

A note to my readers:

I've lately written about various neighbors to help illustrate God's teachings and God's heart and His work in my life. I think it's time to let you know that care is taken to preserve privacy. The stories are true and the situations represent actual life circumstances and brokenness, but enough is altered to protect privacy and prevent hurt feelings.

As well, I am careful not to reveal my location or our real names on this blog. As always, thank you for reading and for your encouraging comments.

Saturday, September 29, 2012

Something About Jonah, Part 4



When we last studied Jonah, Nineveh repented and earned the Lord's favor (Jonah 3:10) "When God saw what they did and how they turned from their evil ways, he had compassion and did not bring upon them the destruction he had threatened."

Read:

On to Part 4 today, Jonah 4: 1-3
But to Jonah this seemed very wrong, and he became angry. He prayed to the Lord, “Isn't this what I said, Lord, when I was still at home? That is what I tried to forestall by fleeing to Tarshish. I knew that you are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abounding in love, a God who relents from sending calamity. Now, Lord, take away my life, for it is better for me to die than to live.”

Jonah's passions ran hot about the Lord's mercy toward a vile enemy. So hot was he, he felt it better to die than live. Oh, but that is the ugliest of pride! He was refusing to let God be God-- he wouldn't accept God's sovereignty.

The created angry at the Creator. The saved angry at the Redeemer. Oh, but the folly of it all! 

Our passions often corrupt our hearts, to be sure. 

His own nation, Israel, repeatedly refused to repent and Nineveh's quick repentance, in contrast, made the Israelites look all the more proud and evil. Jonah feared what God's favor for the Gentiles would mean for his own people, as though God didn't have enough grace in Him to cover both Jew and Gentile.

Jonah also feared the loss of his good reputation back home. His long-time prediction, that Nineveh would be destroyed, was proven wrong. Would he henceforth be thought of as a false prophet?

Bigotry is at work here, too. Jonah believed that God's favor should be for Israel only, not for Gentiles. We see the same issue in the New Testament with Peter, who at first could not reconcile himself to salvation for Gentiles.

What stands out here as well is how God works through us so often, so perfectly, even in our brokenness. Jonah's heart was hard toward the people to whom he preached. We can safely doubt he preached with any compassion or civility at all. Nineveh responded to God, not to Jonah. Just as when we witness to someone, they respond to God, not to us. 

We mustn't say: "But I'm not an evangelist. I can't witness!" Excusing ourselves from it is a prideful position, not a faithful one.

Jonah 4:4
Then said the Lord, Doest thou well to be angry?

Oh, but the Lord is tender toward us! He knows a soft answer turns away wrath. And the hard part? He desires the same softness from us, toward our family and neighbors. He could have struck Jonah dead on the spot, so ashamedly did Jonah behave. Instead, the Lord desires to restore Jonah.

Let restoration always be our goal, and not the feeding of our pride and passions.

Here we have a picture of discipleship in action. Discipleship is hard. It's laborious, slow, frustrating. How many parents are secretly thankful when school starts in September? This isn't because it's hard to keep kids entertained, but because discipling them hour after hour, day after day, is so hard

Discipleship means not accepting that haphazard cleaning job, that prideful tone of voice, that ungrateful tirade. Not accepting, but also not condemning in anger. Instead, we're to put a lid on our passions and restore in love. "Doest thou well to be angry?" We should always ask ourselves this same question.

Teach and reteach. Love and love some more. That's the work God has for the mature Christian, and he will put children, friends, and acquaintances in our path to help us practice.

I am reminded of my neighbor Joanna. She is young and a mother of four, the children having three different fathers. Every week she borrows something from me, whether it be foil to cover a cookie sheet, a quarter cup of milk for mac n' cheese, gas for the lawnmower...whatever. I don't mind helping because each item is so small, and I know how hard it can be for a mother of four to get to the store, and right now especially, since their family is down to one working vehicle.

I heard from her children that they were low on vehicle gas one week. She didn't ask or tell me about this herself, but three days after the kids first mentioned it, hearing that she only had a gallon left, I gave her son a $20 to give to his mother for gas, writing to her that we often have trouble making ends meet, and I know God would want me to help. This was my conviction after praying. To help in their time of need. She works at a nursing home and had missed work due to an illness the previous week.

I didn't ask for any money back, but she wrote back that I was surely an angel and no one had ever been that kind to her. She also wrote that she would pay me back when they got paid, and that she would see us in church that Sunday. I hadn't even mentioned church.

No, they didn't go to church, but she did pay me back.

After their payday we noticed they bought each child a new toy, (the children happened to come over and share their new remote-control toys and Ipod). As well, they spent several hours at the township carnival down the street, which features rides more expensive than the county fair.

The following Wednesday right before I took her son to AWANA, she wrote me a note saying they needed gas money again and could we spare another $20? She signed it "God Bless". She would pay me back in two days when her husband got paid. Her hours had been cut because she has to drive the children do and from their schools. (Though she now works all day Saturdays, as does the husband, leaving the children with the 12-year-old, unfortunately).

The truth is my husband had to count change to get his own gasoline (we had a repair that cleaned us dry). I relayed that we were low on money too, and I was sorry I couldn't help

But later that night, my husband and I talked it over and we wouldn't have helped in the same week they had bought their children new toys and spent too much at a carnival, because that is more mismanagement than shortage. 

When I got the note asking for money, I have to confess: I was thoroughly disgusted. But the Holy Spirit quickly spoke to me, telling me that discipleship is hard and that I needed to have patience, rather than writing someone off because I was irritated at childishness (or lack of money-management training).

The Holy Spirit reminded me that the Lord works with us right where we're at. I need to do the same with my children, and with my neighbors. Where was I fifteen years ago, as a new Christian? And how did I get here, and how will I continue to grow? Because of the Lord's slow, patient discipling. Because of his unrelenting mercy and grace. Because he will never give up on me.

Philippians 1:6
being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

My neighbor may or may not be churched. She might know nothing about God. 

This is where she's at: She buys processed macaroni and cheese and corn dogs and makes them for dinner. She overspends and then keeps her children home from school because she doesn't have enough gas money to drive them to school some days. (I'm sure the truant officer will be out soon.) She lets her 12-year-old, whose bosom is already full and mature (a C at least), dress provocatively, prompting the high-schooler boys and 20-something men around here to gawk at her cleavage, unbeknownst to her tender 12-year-old heart, I trust. 

And lastly, this mother lets her 12-year-old watch three younger children.

Prayer and the Holy Spirit will draw my neighbor's heart. God will convict her of each thing, individually, in time, with no help from me. He will also provide the income to make wiser choices, such as different childcare arrangements and different clothing choices for her daughter. 

When she's ready and the Holy Spirit prompts me, how can I come alongside her and teach? That's the question the Lord has for me to pray about. How can I show her how cooking real food will save her money, and improve their health? Show her how a 12-year-old can't be responsible for three younger children? Teach her that the financial stress is at some level, self-inflicted?(Although I'm sure a low wage doesn't help.) The divorce rate for third marriages is 90%, so she may need relationship counseling down the line, as well. Being low-income, or being in debt, is a severe stress on a marriage, to say the least.

I can't wait until I feel together enough myself, to come alongside her and teach. I simply need a willing, obedient heart and a decent control over my anger, my judgments, my passions. I can't look down on her and want to write her off, because she's too much trouble or too far astray.

Beauty from ashes. That's the work of the Lord. Thank goodness He didn't consider me "too far astray" to be redeemed!

The book of Jonah is, among other things, a how-to book on godly discipleship.  

It's hard to swallow, perhaps, but discipleship is the work God has for the mature Christian. We mustn't run away to Tarshish or get too busy for it. If the Lord's worked steadily on us for years, he expects us to extend the same blessing to others, starting with our own children. Using an exemplary measure of patience and love and mercy.

We're not done with Jonah yet, but this is sufficient food for today. 

Prayer Time: Dear Father, thank you for your grace and mercy. Thank you for gently teaching and reteaching. Thank you for the lessons in Jonah. Thank you for the loving example and for the challenge to help others in their search for you, and in their Christian walks. Keep us from being too haughty, too busy, too exasperated, to help our children and neighbors. May we live in gratitude and obedience to you and be about your Kingdom work, acting justly, loving mercy, walking humbly.

In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Neighborhood Evangelism, Oh My


She comes to the door, crocodile tears falling, desperate to have audience with me, the harried mother attempting to get four children to AWANA on time.

A bully at school calls her drama queen and I don't scratch my head when I hear it.

Lexi is soft-hearted and hard-hearted, stubborn and pliable, hungry and starved, beautiful and homely, high-maintenance and higher-maintenance.

And right now she wants to go to AWANA but her mother won't let her. And Aidan, another neighbor of ours and a classmate of Lexi's...his mother will let him come and that burns a jealous whole in Lexi's heart and I can't seem to shut my door on her drama, even though we need to be there in twenty minutes and my children haven't finished their spaghetti and I haven't combed out the girls' wet hair or taken a bite myself.

And the church is eight minutes away.

As I listen to her sobbing and her begging, it's all I can do to keep my tone even. My demeanor controlled.

My son is not unlike her and I know she doesn't choose this drama. The Lord has her crying and begging at the right house because even as she stretches my patience daily, my heart aches for her.

I'm no stranger to begging myself, as my Heavenly Father will attest to. And drama? I can dish that up too.

I long to wash her dirty, disheveled hair and trim her bangs. I long to have the money and time to peruse thrift stores for her like she were one of my own. She's ten and her clothes are too tight, too short, and her tops resemble camisoles.

"Maybe your mom will let you go next week", I offer in desperation.

"I won't be here next week."

Never mind that this is a lie we've heard before. What she really wants is for me to defy her mother and drive her to AWANA anyway, I suppose.

Finally, I do get our front door closed and Lexi does leave the premises and I do get the crew to the church on time. Sort of...if you consider that the teachers ran late.

On the road there, I remembered. For six and a half years there were no neighborhood children to play with and we prayed for friends. Now, as new children show up weekly from various streets and the yard resembles a school playground, I wonder at my naivete.

Boy did I have it good before.

For neighborhood children? They resemble the world in all its brokenness. And me? I'm redeemed but really just as broken and what was God thinking in making my home this hubbub?

Most days I'm so spent by 4:00 when these kids come knocking, I want to lock the door, slump down and hide.

All these kids know we're homeschooling, church-going Jesus freaks and how can I possibly shine for Jesus when the dinner and bath show must go on as planned and doesn't God know the witching hours are hard on my nerves, anyway? How do I add the dance of playground referee while draining my spaghetti, washing preschooler hair, and setting a nightly table?

I don't know God, but I trust you?

Tonight was AWANA missions night and a missionary from the Ukraine asked us to pray for Ukrainian children because their daily realities are dark and painful, lonely and loveless.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. The spiritual poverty in the Ukraine is as shocking as the physical poverty in Kenya.

Ukrainian children are expected to be married by eighteen and to have their first child in their first year of marriage. By the third year of marriage eighty percent of them divorce.

And that child they had in the first year? He becomes inconvenient as another spouse is sought.

So they drop the child off at an orphanage. Extra baggage.

I'm listening and ready to cry at the darkness in another mother's heart, all those miles away. How could she? Atheist or not, how could she?

I look over at Aidan, my neighbor boy sitting across the church pew from me, listening to this same story. I brought him in my old, rotten, 220,000 mile van, to this church, after praying for two years that my witness would be strong.

I thought of the darkness in the Ukraine and the darkness on my street and I realized something.

I don't have to be ready at 4:00 when the children come knocking on my door. I don't have to be all smiles, ultra-controlled, full of stamina and patience. I'm not on display. My lifestyle is not on display. My children are not on display.

The God of the Universe, He's on display And he'll do just fine, whether I've had a good day or not. He doesn't need me, but he'll use me, brokenness and all.

Tomorrow when they come knocking, my nerves might not be ready but my heart will be. Before Christ plucked me from a dark, hurting world, I was a dirty sinner like the mothers in the Ukraine who drop their firstborns off at orphanages. I want to think I was better, but I wasn't. I was lost, hurt, confused. I wanted my own way and I desperately needed the Light.

While we were sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

Prayer Time: Dear Lord, thank you for the cross. Thank you for the glorious life we have in you. Help me to say yes to playground referee and to lost souls. Shine your Light from my home, my porch, my yard. May all these children burn to ask about you. Give me the patience, the right words, the right prayers. Help my children to grow in you, to tell about you, to uphold you. They are in a battleground now, Lord. Protect their hearts and minds in Christ Jesus and may they say yes to evangelism. Yes to putting others above themselves, yes to the Gospel-driven life. Shine, Jesus, Shine.

In Your Son's name I pray, Amen.

photo source

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Walk With Him Wednesday: Practice of Suffering



Ann Voskamp, every Wednesday, hosts a link-up about  spiritual practices that draw us nearer to His heart.
The assignment this week is: The Practice of Suffering…What does it mean to pick up a cross? How do we walk through hard times? How do we participate in the sufferings of Christ? We look forward to your Scripture study, stories, encouragement….

I contemplated...shall I write about money being scarce, about the washer we bought new four years ago making an awful screeching sound, about the vacuum that smells like an electrical fire every time I turn it on...about all the broken things that can't be fixed just now? How the frustration of it all leaves me feeling lonely, forgotten, hopeless, and how those emotions drive me to Scripture for comfort, because I know in my heart that I do have enough...much even?

But no...it's all too fresh today and could I really take the whine out of the words this soon?

I settled, then, on writing about parenting special-needs children. Children are always a blessing, no matter the challenges, but when a child suffers for whatever reason, a whole family suffers. It's a shared suffering.

How does one walk through parenting years with handicaps constantly changing the rules, the possibilities, the limits? How do you lead a child to a God who allowed their handicaps and chooses not to heal them, all the while pushing your child to overcome obstacles and triumph?

One of my sons doesn't control his emotions, his impulses, his passions, his body. And attention to detail eludes him unless he's indulging a passion. While indulging that passion--such as the search for the perfect pet--he will eat and drink too little and his body will remain tense, his mood intense, his behavior ugly. When it's all said and done, he'll find no satisfaction and he'll be spent, exhausted, irrational...looking for the next "fix"...the next obsession.

His mind, suited for fight or flight, doesn't know how to function without intense stimulation. He will irritate those around him for fun when unoccupied, just to stimulate his brain. A brain that can't seem to rest.

No matter the years on the calendar, he doesn't get any closer to managing himself.

Even in his relationship with God, he has trouble attending to details. The discipline of prayer, of Bible reading---it's all a tremendous fight to persevere...to let the words, the comfort, sink in and transform. It's as though his spirit as well as his body is constantly restless and on edge.

The whole family, it has no choice but to ride the waves the speed boat--my son's brain--leaves in its wake. Usually we stay afloat just fine, but sometimes we sink in despair and need rescuing.

And always, we wish it could be different.

My son is not unhappy with his brain or with the condition itself, per se. He doesn't know how a normal brain functions so he doesn't know what he's missing. And in certain ways, his disorder has advantages. In fight or flight situations, he excels.

His pain comes from constantly disappointing people--from rarely seeing approval in people's eyes. From taking longer to complete the same arduous tasks and seeing the result look far worse--whether it be handwriting or making a bed. Though in things he likes to do, the results please him and others.

His work ethic is constantly suspect and uninformed people label these kids lazy brats. Or if they are adults...lazy idiots.

As a parent I worry about his future wife, his future children, his future job...about his joy and peace. His disorder is highly heritable--his own father and my half-brother both have a form of it. At least one of his children will probably have it, or worse. How will he cope with a special-needs child when his own brain is different? How will his wife cope with two unique brains in the house, changing the way everyday life looks? Changing the expectations she grew up with for how people react, cope, persevere?

Should my son even get married...and if he doesn't how will he combat loneliness and impurity?

The question Ann asks is really this: When daily reality is achingly hard and there are more questions than answers...how does one live? How does one get up every day and want to try?

The answer is glorious in its simplicity. Whereas others have a choice about whether to pursue God every day or not, the sufferer doesn't. Daily life feels too heavy and the prospect of getting up too daunting, without the strength of the Lord.

When the Apostle Paul tells me in 2 Corinthians 12:9: But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me...I get it! I really get it!

Because Christ's power? I have to wield it or I would sink piteously into my bed most days, unwilling to persevere. 

And when my children go to sleep at night basking in warm memories of a good day, I have the Lord to thank. Only Him, for in my own strength I botch our days something fierce. 


Day by day as I walk with him faithfully, the Lord teaches me how to transcend circumstances so that my heart and mind dwell in heaven already...they dwell in the perfection of eternity. When turmoil threatens me, I know the answer comes in adjusting my gaze. I can walk on the water when my gaze is right. And when my gaze lowers, we all sink.

It is a daily practicing, a daily trusting his promises and seeing His glory revealed.

No, I wouldn't have chosen this. My son and my family, they wouldn't have chosen this. The Lord in his wisdom and love, he gave us turmoil as a gift. He's taught me to see it as gift, and how to present it to my family as gift.

And in the end, I love Him more. I trust Him more. I need Him more. I bask in more. I live the truth that less is more.

And as I finish writing this, there are tears. Tears of joy, tears of thankfulness. Tears of triumph. Not my triumph, but His. 

And living for Him...wanting Him to triumph? It feels perfect.

Linking with Ann today, at Walk With Him Wednesday

photo credit

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Tuesday Devotions: Comfort From Isaiah 40:1-11

source
Study with me today, friend? I'm looking at comfort from Isaiah. Whatever your sorrow, whatever your hardship, whatever has cast down your spirit, Scripture and prayer are your answer. We waste so much time looking for comfort elsewhere, when really, the first thing we should have done is get that Bible in our hands. If you don't have a study Bible, look up your desired verses on Bible Gateway and click on "show references". A few Bible commentaries should appear at your right.

Isaiah 40:1-11
Judah's time of judgment has come to an end (vv. 1-2), the exiles will return home via the desert highway (vv. 3-5), the hated kingdom (Babylon) will wither (vv. 6-8), Jerusalem will prepare for the return (vv. 9-10), and God will accomplish it (v. 11). While these words were meant for sixth-century Jewish exiles, like all prophetic words, their meaning is expansive. This scene was reenacted with paradigmatic force in the preparation by John the Baptist for the coming of the Christ, who continues to lead his people into freedom. (These notes from Asbury Bible Commentary)

1 Comfort, comfort my people,
says your God.
2 Speak tenderly to Jerusalem,
and proclaim to her
that her hard service has been completed,
that her sin has been paid for,
that she has received from the Lord’s hand
double for all her sins.

3 A voice of one calling:
“In the wilderness prepare
the way for the Lord;
make straight in the desert
a highway for our God.
4 Every valley shall be raised up,
every mountain and hill made low;
the rough ground shall become level,
the rugged places a plain.
5 And the glory of the Lord will be revealed,
and all people will see it together.
For the mouth of the Lord has spoken.”

6 A voice says, “Cry out.”
And I said, “What shall I cry?”
“All people are like grass,
and all their faithfulness is like the flowers of the field.
7 The grass withers and the flowers fall,
because the breath of the Lord blows on them.
Surely the people are grass.
8 The grass withers and the flowers fall,
but the word of our God endures forever.”

9 You who bring good news to Zion,
go up on a high mountain.
You who bring good news to Jerusalem,
lift up your voice with a shout,
lift it up, do not be afraid;
say to the towns of Judah,
“Here is your God!”
10 See, the Sovereign Lord comes with power,
and he rules with a mighty arm.
See, his reward is with him,
and his recompense accompanies him.
11 He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young.


Copy the last verse and put in on your bathroom mirror:

11 He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young.


When I read this last verse especially, I'm reminded that all is well with my soul, with my life, with my today and my tomorrow. Scripture reminds us of God's infinite love and infinite power. It reminds us that "the grass withers and the flowers fall, but the Word of our God endures forever." It reminds us that our peace comes when we shift our focus from the temporal back to the eternal.

The peace of Christ that surpasses all understanding, it goes away when we take our eyes off of Him. Turmoil in our hearts doesn't feel like a choice, but it is. When we choose to neglect Bible and prayer, we choose turmoil. If our minds are so troubled we can't form coherent sentences, we can pray in spirit and groans. He will understand.

A very good reason, besides our own comfort, to pursue God daily is to aid our witness. We are supposed to be a people at peace, a people of God--not perfect, but redeemed and grateful for it, like the bold, broken woman who washed Jesus' feet with her tears, and like the leper who threw himself at Jesus' feet in thankfulness and worship. We need this same heart. This same humility. And it's the Word and prayer that restore us to these humble positions.

We need the Bible friend. We need it.

Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God. Matthew 4:4