Saturday, December 30, 2017

Reflection Time: 364 Days

A new year is more than just another holiday--it's a new beginning too, a fresh start, even for those resistant to self-reflection. Can you really put 365 days behind you without some meditation on the trials and triumphs experienced?

What purpose did God have for them, we have to wonder? Did I drift farther away from Him, or grow closer?

Sometimes it's so messy, complicated, hard.

We put it off and convince ourselves it's just cliche anyway.

I don't want to, but I think the Holy Spirit is forcing me.

I lost my voice a year ago. Nothing seemed appropriate to say here; I knew what ailed me, but I was ashamed to admit it.

Discouragement had taken root and I couldn't put one foot in front of the other anymore to rid my heart of it. I still did devotions with my family, and still read my Bible, but I didn't work on my discouragement through writing, which is what always worked for me. Writing is a hard process whereby I would only start with an idea and the Holy Spirit would then take over, and by the end, I felt lighter, more at peace with the Lord and with my walk and with my circumstances.

Unsaved family can't be a support because they can't understand my choices or circumstances, and my husband already has enough on his plate with a 55-hour workweek and the mental disorders our kids face. Any personal discouragement was always something I had to deal with on my own with the Lord alone--and anonymously, I suppose, with anyone reading here (but really, the words were for the Lord).

Part of the reason, too, that I stopped writing was this: I felt like I'd written the same types of things over and over and how many times could I keep repeating them ad nauseum?

My answer today is: As many times as my heart needs them!

I commune with the Holy Spirit much more efficiently through writing than through prayer. This year confirmed that. Writing is my authentic personal prayer, I suppose, minus the supplications.

Remember that prayer is the Holy Spirit communing with our spirit? It's not just us telling God what we want. The Holy Spirit does much of the work involved--although we think all the work comes from us.

Have you ever noticed that the hardest part of prayer is starting the first word?

After that He is sitting right there with us, happy we chose to spend the time (or that is what I imagine). Each word after the first flows better and better.

The chromebook died in March and that made it more difficult to even think about writing. The PC is used for four children to complete math and spelling, and the two boys to complete Spanish and writing. Soon, though, we get another one and I can write at night again. For now, I can write on the weekends.

Isaiah 40:30
Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Happy New Year! May you grow ever closer to Him, reflecting this weekend on what might be standing in your way in 2018.

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