Simple Woman's Daybook 5/20

Outside my window:

We've had two beautiful days of sunshine and my Mary, afraid of spring storms, blossomed and danced her way across the lush, green lawn, in search of toads and frogs and butterflies. Her joy palpable and beautiful, she ran up and kissed me, "I just couldn't be happier, Mommy. I love, love, love the sunshine and the grass and the blue skies!"

Well, today the enchanted, god-inspired spell is broken. We're to have rain, dark skies, strong thunder and possible tornado warnings. Northeast Ohio gets a lot of tornado warnings, but rarely an actual tornado. Sometimes I'd like to slap the meteorologists for their cautionary tales.

I am thinking...

We are still sick here and I'm feeling frustrated by it all. I've had to cancel a number of routine appointments that filled the calendar.

The child I took to the ER last Friday with a 103.2 fever is still sick and running a very low-grade fever (under 100 degrees F). I'm considering whether he has a sinus infection, but I'm also remembering that 90% of these infections are viral. Is this one of the 10% that might be bacterial? Should I call the pediatrician? If I do, we'll likely pick up another virus from the office, and sinus infections do take time to heal, after all; ten days of misery is not uncommon, even with a viral sinus infection. I wouldn't even consider taking him if there wasn't a possibility of it spreading to the brain. Additionally, he can't tell me definitively that he feels any better. I will pray about it for a couple hours and then decide.

I hate to say it, but men and boys tend to whine their way through illnesses, and that can cloud the seriousness of the situation. If my boys, when grown men, whine their way through illnesses, are their wives going to blame me? What have I done to encourage this whining? Have I treated them differently than my girls? It doesn't seem so.

I am thankful...

~ for four beautiful children to love and nurture.

~ for a stable, loving husband.

~ for good books to draw me away from present trials.

~ for my Peter's joy in his greenhouse, amid the soil, seeds, and miracles of God.

~ for Mary's joy in the sunshine and the wonders of spring.

~ for AWANA breaking for the rest of the spring and summer, giving us more options for our Sunday evenings.

~ for Peter receiving an important award, the Timothy Award, for learning 426 verses in three years (four Truth and Training books). He's learned more than that all told, but this represents his 4th, 5th, and 6th grade years. If he ever chose a Bible college, this award could translate into some scholarship money. We are very proud of him and yes, I did get teary eyed as he accepted this award, the years of hard work and some frustrated tears, flashing before my eyes as he walked up there. Oh, how I wanted to quit the whole thing many times, but God never let me. We took a break in his third grade year, but otherwise we plugged away year after year, since his kindergarten year. My Paul will earn it as well in two years, and my girls after him. This is one trial worth our perseverance as parents...giving children a solid foundation in the Word of God, so that nuggets of wisdom and truth will always be available to them, in whatever situation they find themselves. 2 Timothy 3:16 All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness. 

~ for a letter in the mail about husband's state employee's retirement contributions, and whether he wants them rolled over to an IRA, or refunded in lump sum with tax penalty. He didn't have enough credit years to collect a retirement. I don't know what he'll decide, but I have heard his two years of earnest prayer for a decent, reliable used car to drive to work. His current car is 25 years old and eating up repair money.

~ for the Holy Spirit's assistance in helping me grow old with grace. It is so hard, this growing old. My husband, eight years older than me, feels it less, telling me this is part of the sin curse: that we lose any looks we had, shrivel slowly, and die. It is God's will, he asserts, so all we can do is accept it. But it wasn't God's will in the beginning, and I look forward to being free from a shriveled body in eternity. I had my turn, and now it is my children's turn to be young, beautiful, and full of vitality. No one worried about whether I wore a hat in sunny southern CA while growing up, but I am very careful that my children wear one always while in the sun. Every precaution helps.

My hair is collecting more white tresses, and the skin under my eyes droops considerably, which is partly inherited. More sleep will help and I will endeavor to change my ways, reading my novels at a slower pace, so as to ensure proper sleep.

In the kitchen...

taco casserole with corn, salad, and thawed berries
chicken enchiladas, plain brown rice, salad
baked potato soup, salad
pizza (on AWANA award night)
pumpkin pancakes, turkey bacon, fresh strawberries
grilled chicken, steamed veggies, plain brown rice
hamburger casserole, steamed veggies (this is a new recipe...I'll let you know if it's good)

I am wearing...

long jean skirt, powder blue crocheted spring sweater, nylons for warmth, and leather clog shoes. I wear a heeled clog for errands, and a flatter clog for around the house (this 5 ' 3'' inch girl likes the heels).

Who cares what I wear, anyway? But I guess these questions give the feel that you're here for a cup of tea, and would therefore see what I'm wearing?

I am creating...

a legacy through my mothering, I hope. The kids will tell you in fifteen years what I'm creating.

I am going...

after canceling two dental cleaning appointments, I'm making the appointment today since Beth is healthy, and I fear they won't want us as patients if I cancel again, though Peter feels rotten and doesn't want to go. I did cancel his part of the appointment.

I am also dropping off Goodwill items near the dentist's office. Otherwise, we're staying home and watching a Veggie Tales movie about handling our fears. Mary is likely to need the reminder as she deals with another 3 days (forecasted, anyway) of thunder storms.

We do our school reading and a little math too when we're sick, unless the whining gets to be more than I can handle, in which case I try to dig up all the old movies we have on hand. We watched "The Shop Around the Corner" with Jimmy Stewart and Margaret Sullavan the other day. It was delightful and very old, though more enjoyed by husband and me than the kids.

I am wondering...

I think I covered this above, about the pediatrician.

I am reading...

I finished book 2, 3, half of 4 (not as interesting, this book 4), 5, and 6 of the Anne Of Green Gables series. Yes, that was a lot of late nights of reading, but the kids being sick also helped me get a little reading in during the day, too. There are three more in the series, but they won't be easy to find. My own set only goes to book 6. The books are different than the movies and I highly recommend them. They combined ideas from a few books and added additional story lines to the movies, making them quite a bit different than the books.

Anne is my best friend these days. She also deals with the aging process in book 6...how it can hurt at times, along with the children growing up so quickly before our eyes, though in her case, she still has her looks at nearly forty at the end of that book. I didn't look too bad at 40 either.

The 9th book in the Anne series was delivered to the publisher shortly before Montgomery died, entitled The Blithes are Quoted. Comprised of 15 short stories and many previously published poems credited to Anne and her son Walter, it goes 20 years beyond the other books, one part before World War 1, and another section after World War 1.

Montgomery's Bio below, as I understand it from various sources:

Lucy Maud Montgomery (1874 - 1942) lived a sad, lonely life, raised by stern, unforgiving grandparents. Her mother died of TB when Lucy was 18 months old, and her father gave up custody of her to her grandparents. When Lucy was 7, her father moved away from Prince Edward Island and she only visited him, living with him once for a short time after he remarried (it was an unhappy marriage and it stressed Lucy).

Lucy went to school and became a teacher on Prince Edward Island, Canada, her birthplace. After several suitors who were more interested in her than she in them, Lucy eventually becoming disillusioned with romance, she married "later" in life to a minister who suffered from mental illness. She married after her literary success was already established and she had a good income of her own, feeling that marriage was an obligation at that time in Canada. They had 3 sons; the second was stillborn. Montgomery spent many years caring for her mentally-ill husband, and her writings were her only escape. She wrote 20 novels, 500 short stories and poems, and her popularity was immediate. Knowing her fame, she edited her private journals and rewrote them, presenting her life in her own terms. She suffered from depression, and I wonder if she wanted to soften that fact somehow, when she edited and recopied her personal journals.

I will, some day, read her published journals. Her author page at Amazon is here. I will also be obtaining her Emily series for my girls and me, which appears to be comprised of three books.

I am hoping...

that my children will love the Lord all the days of their life, drawing strength from Him and reading their Bibles and praying as though their lives depended upon it.

I am looking forward to...

all of us being well again.

I am learning... 

that however much I want to be a good this or that, my hormones limit what I can be as a wife and mother. If you've not yet reached perimenopause, you won't understand this as much, though while you were pregnant you likely felt a little of the intense ebb and flow of estrogen. This life we live must be one of grace, given and accepted. We cannot do much to recommend ourselves, but God's grace covers our iniquity, and it is only through him that we build a life of meaning.

Around the house...

the usual look (I hope) of a house suffering from illness. A nightmare, no less. Laundry, dishes and cooking are getting done, but little else, I'm ashamed to say, even though I've only been ill for two days.

Scripture to share...

Ephesians 4:7 But to each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it.
 

Finding Strength

 

Time to preach to myself, and maybe you want to come along?

Today ten-year-old Paul, three days into a cold, spiked a 103.2 fever. He did not take it like a trooper; he cried out wretchedly that he was dying, and that he'd never felt this terrible before. Surely, he surmised, I've contracted some terrible, fatal disease, to feel this poorly (too many missionary books this year, maybe?).

I've had experiences taking wretchedly sick children to the ER, only to have them perk up from pain relievers on the way to the hospital. So I debated what to do, but honestly, I was puzzled by that fever three days into a cold.

Beth, who is on an immunosuppressant drug, was the first to come down with this "cold", after a visit to the dentist last week. Even she didn't experience this level of discomfort; she had no fever at all.

So, yes, I was puzzled. I knew it was too late for flu, and that he didn't have a history of ear infection, and that the cough was more asthma-sounding than bronchitis-sounding. Maybe pneumonia? But what are the odds of that?

I debated back and forth and ending up taking him to the ER at 5:00 PM, after the fever was not brought down by ibuprofen. I added Tylenol before leaving, so by the time we arrived, the fever was lower grade. They found no secondary infections. The doctor concluded Paul's "suffering from some virus".. (Oh...you think so, Doc?).

New viruses come into the country all the time, he said.

So anyway...it was a gruelling parenting day, with emotions running high. Peter's OCD has been horrific, my Mary's fear of thunder and tornadoes has been very trying, what with our horribly dark and stormy weather the last three days.

Beth's arthritic ankle is very swollen, while both her arthritic knees look fairly good. Is the disease attacking the ankle with a new vengeance, or is this an auto-immune reaction to a virus?

Seriously, I felt like I didn't have a single normal child. They all have their issues and all of the issues stretch me. And I'm such a nervous person. Why would God choose me to mother children who obviously need a more emotionally-sturdy mother...one whose body doesn't respond to stress with migraines, and all-over body tension, and a faraway look in her eye?

Mary is eating less and just wants to sit with a blanket around her (sometimes completely over her) every time the skies look dark and stormy, and this is the third year of these behaviors. What can I do about such fear? I pray, I soothe, I cuddle, I coach. Nothing changes. She hid herself in her room because I mentioned taking Paul to the ER, and she didn't want a long van ride under stormy skies.

And my Peter, who has so much potential, so much energy, so much intelligence and passion, and yet on many days his OCD is so debilitating I don't know how he'll ever meet a grown-up goal. And the things that go through his mind are tragic. He's truly suffering and I don't know how to stop it.

I arrived at the ER after a 30-minute drive, most of it spent contemplating my children's issues. I felt so tense, so spent, hating my own weakness. I'm strong, but not strong enough. I persevere, but not without pain and doubt.

Tonight before writing this, I read this blog. And periodically, this blog is updated. Both women adopted children with special needs. With one child, the Reactive Attachment Disorder is so serious that even after a couple years, their new daughter can't experience love or bonding, and she's manipulative, conniving and volatile.

The other couple adopted many special-needs children, one of whom spent 15 years of her life in a crib at a horrible orphanage. She will never grow beyond the size of a six-year-old child, due to her diseased, neglected, malnourished, contracted bones. She had the physical skills of a three-month-old baby upon adoption.

So...what exactly am I lamenting about? Where is my strength? Where is my faith some days? Why am I considering myself and how hard it is for me?

I don't make these lifestyle contrasts to help myself feel more grateful, for gratitude shouldn't come through comparison, but from our awe at the New Covenant we have in Christ. I don't need thankfulness that's rooted in "at least I have it easier than they do."

It's the strength I'm thinking about here. I want more of it. More strength, more self-control, more long-suffering tendencies. I want to be able to assure the Lord, "Go ahead and make it as scary and as difficult as you want. Hold nothing back."

How do we get there? How did the adoptive families get there? How do they take on the responsibility of so many special-needs children...children who will exhaust them emotionally, physically, and financially, until the end of their lives? They will never be done. The children will never move out. Yes, the rewards will be glorious along the way--the Lord always writes glory into the story and it is beautiful--but that doesn't make the daily journey less gut-wrenching.

The difference between those parents and me? What is it?

They've learned to act in obedience and love without regard to the outcome.

Outcome is not their territory, but God's.

Tomorrow doesn't belong to them, but to God.

These children don't belong to them, but to God.

Success is not defined by them, but by God.

The strength doesn't come from them, but from God.

The love doesn't come from them, but from God.

The joy doesn't come from them, but from God.

The financial means don't come from them, but from God.

How can they do it?

 By taking themselves out of the equation and putting God at the helm.

By losing their life to save it.

By decreasing so He can increase.

By living as a slave, bought and paid for Jesus Christ himself. No longer a slave to sin, but to Christ.

It's so simple, and yet without saying yes to very difficult things, we never get there.

The meaning in our earthly lives stems from the answer to these questions: What is the Christian destined for? Why did God save us?

Charles Spurgeon teaches:

He saves us for “His name’s sake.” What does that mean? I think it means this: the name of God is His Person, His attributes, and His Nature. For His Nature’s sake, for His very attributes’ sake, He saved men and, perhaps, we may also include this—“My name is in Him”—that is, in Christ. He saves us for the sake of Christ, who is the name of God. And what does that mean? I think it means this: He saved them, first, that He might manifest His Nature. God is love, and He wanted to manifest it. He showed it when He made the sun, the moon, and the stars and scattered flowers over the green and laughing earth. He showed His love when He made the air balmy to the body and the sunshine cheering to the eye. He gives us warmth even in winter, by the clothing and by the fuel which He has stored in the heart of the earth, but He wanted to reveal Himself still more.

He wanted to manifest His nature? And His nature is love?  He wanted to reveal Himself?

God's will is to remove our own natures and replace them with His, so that as we become reflections of Christ, God is glorified through us. It is only in having our own natures removed, then, that we can fulfill our purpose.  So the next question is...at what point are we willing to give up our own natures? At what point are we ready to surrender fully to Christ?

When the suffering is so great, that we simply cannot bear it any longer. We are ready then.

That's why I don't have easy children. That's why some things don't improve. That's why I'm poorly equipped for the task before me. That's why the happiness is fleeting, but the joy is deep.
 

Thankful Thursday Kids' Addition 5/15

Colossians 3:15 "And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful."

We're in our third day of cloudy, dark, rainy, thundering weather, and the kids are sick with colds (thank you, dentist's office). They're depressed and two are fighting asthma-type wheezing brought on by the common cold/spring allergy combination.

Upon hearing it was Thankful Thursday, two children responded that they weren't thankful for anything, and how can they be with this miserable cold and weather?

Your mind has to rise above right now and this cold, I told them. Looking at the bigger picture of your life, what are you thankful for?

Peter, age 12

~ my dog
~ my garden in the shed/greenhouse and the one I'll have in the ground soon
~ my mom's love
~ my siblings
~ my mom and dad, and that they aren't divorced (all the neighborhood kids' families are divorced)

Paul, age 10

~ I have a dog.
~ that I'm very smart (I'm glad he sees intelligence as a gift, but I cringe when I hear him say this, I have to admit.)
~ loving family
~ my piano
~ good food
~ my Hot Wheel cars

Mary, age 7

~ the lemonade popsicles we made
~ I love God and He's nice to me
~ finding the Ladybug Girl books at the library again
~ my loving mom

Beth, age 5

~ my cars that Paul organized for a car show contest
~ that God gave me a good life
~ my mom and dad and sister and brothers
~ that Jesus is in my life (just when I was wondering if she had genuine faith yet)

Simple Woman's Daybook 5/13

 

Outside my window...

Finally, it looks like spring. The leaves, unfolded and proud, gift us with a beautiful green canopy everywhere. Flowering trees hint at the beauty of Paradise. The grasses, splendid in brilliant green, provide a feast for the senses. Birds are nesting and singing everywhere, reminding us of His provision and glory.

I am thinking...

Of the expression "when it rains it pours", for a couple reasons.

Spring storms for the northeast Ohio area began in earnest last night with several tornado and flash flood warnings. Seven-year-old Mary, still terribly afraid of thunder and tornadoes, worried herself into a frenzy and threw up at 9:30 PM. Prayer and songs didn't help enough. She made it into the bathroom in time but instead of choosing the toilet, she chose the sink. (At least it's not the bedding or carpet nowadays, for all but the five year old.)

The brunt of the storm hit our area after the kids fell asleep, with high winds, torrential rain, fallen tree limbs, and plentiful thunder and lightening. I kept the radio on low while I read a novel to get my mind off of it. The nearest tornado warning came as close as the next township over.

When it rains it pours....we woke to a major plumbing problem this morning, what with pipes leaking inside the walls and soaking the hall carpet. Again. I was supposed to see a doctor this AM for my migraines, but I had to cancel due to the water emergency. The best we could do was pull up the carpet and shut off the water after our showers, and arrange for my cousin to come tonight.

I am thankful...

~ that no tornado formed.

~ that my cousin will charge far less than a commercial plumber.

~ that Beth requires fewer speech articulation corrections. She slips up when she's tired, but we're seeing progress in her conversation now.

~ for all the wonderful books we've read this year.

~ that Peter walked down the hall last week, carrying a book and declaring that he "loves devouring words and books". I kissed his cheek and smiled to myself, knowing that he chose the strong verb devouring precisely because he's so well read. Book language in means book language out and that excites me!

~ that I get to watch the babies in the nursery slowly grow up. One of our "newborns" is walking!

~ that despite my nervous personality and the irritation that probably causes my family, they still love me with a beautiful grace.

~ for my husband and our nearly fifteen years together. If I only had two words to describe him as a husband and father, I would choose longsuffering and faithful.

In my kitchen...

It's currently clean and there are pans of water on the counters to help us get through the day without water. On the menu:

~ black bean chili and corn bread, with fresh strawberry shortcake for dessert

~ ground turkey tacos, brown rice, corn, and a thawed berry mix

~ garlic cheddar chicken, brown rice, green beans

~ cheesy egg omelets, cafe potatoes, fresh fruit and toast

~ meatloaf, brown rice, spring mix steamed veggies

~ baked ziti, garlic bread, salad

~ grilled chicken, baked potatoes, steamed broccoli, carrots, cauliflower

I am wearing...

a brown cotton broomstick skirt and pink fitted tee, and wedge sandals I bought in Mexico on a weekend mission trip years ago (we were three hours from the Mexican border when we lived in CA).

I am creating...

I wish I could say I've learned enough about knitting or quilting to have something to list here, but it turns out that reading is my very favorite thing, and every time I consider whether to knit or read, a novel or biography always wins out. I thought I wanted to learn to knit, but it was one of those empty dreams that didn't fit for me. It was someone else's dream that I was temporarily trying on, I guess.

My son Paul, though, is knitting quite a bit now. He's very creative with his hands. Mary is slowly learning but the outdoors call her with a song she can't resist, like I can't resist my books. Peter is called by his gardening--his flowers and plants and dirt.

I am going...

to speech class tomorrow, for Paul's ear cleaning appt (wax) on Thursday, and to the dentist on Friday for my husband and me. I haven't been to the dentist in about 2.5 years, so it may not be good news, but there haven't been any problems.

I am wondering...

if Mother's Day will always be so depressing. For all those who've had to put distance between themselves and their mother, this day can be a downer. We can't change our mother's choices, but we can learn from them and keep our own nuclear-family dysfunction to a bare minimum so that our own children will grow up liking Mother's Day. If finding a Mother's Day card that matches their sentiment for us isn't a nightmare for them, it probably means we did okay.

I am reading...

I just finished Anne of Avonlea by L.M. Montgomery, and Little Lord Fauntleroy by Frances Hodgson Burnett. If I can find book 3 of the Anne series, I will start that tonight. I know it's in our shelves somewhere. We watched Anne of Green Gables as a family movie last Friday, and it gave me the urge to read the whole series. Don't ask me why I love children's literature so much. A well-written, well-told story that's good for the soul is what I love best. Anne's nature inspires us to worship God through his creations, and to live in love, grace, and obedience.

I wonder...would Ann think I'm a kindred spirit, or not? My 5-year-old daughter Beth lives in a dream world, so she's definitely an Anne-with-an-e girl. She's always making up things in her mind and pulling us into them, telling us what her new name is (often it's Bella), and what we're to say and do for our parts. She makes me smile and pinch myself so often. Is this enchanting, thoroughly-loving child really mine...born from my 42-year-old womb to bestow blessing on my middle-age years? God is good.

 

I am hoping...

to be able to bathe my kids tonight. My cousin isn't coming until after 7 so no water until late tonight. I'm trying to keep them in so they won't get sweaty, but I don't know how long I'll hold out. They come in so dirty every evening from April thru November.

Around the house...

We've vacuumed and swept and wiped down the bathrooms, but there are hanging clothes to put away in closets, and pajamas and towels in a basket to fold and put away this afternoon. We are listening to Sarah, Plain and Tall, an audiobook, while we fold together.

Scripture to share...

In our morning devotions we are reading James. Here is a favorite:

James 1:5-8 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. 6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7 That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. 8 Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.

There are so many jewels in James that it's hard to find just one. My children and I are learning a lot as we discuss this book, especially the parts about the tongue and about not favoring the rich or having prejudices, and about how God gifts the poor with special faith.

A picture to share...

a brother-sister knitting lesson
(our camera is breaking, obviously)

 

Susannah Wesley's Mothering

We've covered Susannah Wesley, the wife, but not Susannah the mother.

From the writings Susannah and her son John left behind, we have a solid picture of a very disciplined, dedicated mother, who made her children her life's work. I think the best format for our discussion is for me to list all the known characteristics, and then comment some at the end.

First, let me put in a word about Susannah's salvation, which may have occurred later in life, surprisingly. Her sons John and Charles Wesley both had a spiritual awakening near their thirties, following some exposure to the Morovians, who seemed to display a more intimate, personal relationship with God, compared to the Wesley brothers.

The brothers sometimes had spiritual doubts, wondering about their eternal security, though they were strongly churched--strongly rooted in morality and religious teaching and discipline. Both describe a warm, miraculous awakening that unmistakably changed them forever, and gave them personal assurance of their salvation, and more peace in their daily walks.

They wrote to their mother about this awakening, which they had heard their father preach about for years, but had never personally experienced. Of course Susannah was surprised and even a bit alarmed, but in the last couple years of her life she experienced the same unmistakable thing and died in great peace.

I spoke with my Bible-college husband about this, and he believes the brothers were referring to "a second work of grace", which is a popular doctrine in some Protestant denominations.

Wikipedia describes it thus: According to some Christian traditions, a second work of grace is a transforming interaction with God which may occur in the life of a Christian. The defining characteristics of this event are that it is separate from and subsequent to salvation (the first work of grace), and that it brings about significant changes in the life of the believer.

John Wesley, the founder of the Methodist movement, taught that there were two distinct phases in the Christian experience. During the first phase, conversion, the believer received forgiveness and became a Christian. During the second phase, sanctification, the believer was purified and made holy. Wesley taught both that sanctification could be an instantaneous experience, and that it could be a gradual process.

John's personal writings confer with brother Charles's, that this experience gave them greater assurance of their salvation and a more personal peace. To me it sounds as though their previous religious experiences were on an intellectual plane primarily, while finally, after this awakening, they had heart knowledge of Jesus' work on the cross and what it meant for them personally. I'll leave it up to you to interpret this awakening as you will, but I know that millions of people attend church while never experiencing conversion, because not all churches are evangelical, Gospel-teaching, Bible-believing. Attending an evangelical church doesn't assure a conversion experience, either.

The Church of England, the religious tradition the brothers came from, was not considered evangelical, but their father, Samuel, once attended a Dissenter's seminary before returning to the Church of England and going to Oxford. He could have been exposed to more evangelical doctrines, which he brought into his Anglican parish (his preaching style earned him more enemies than converts, so I presume it wasn't usual Church-of-England stuff).

Now on to Susannah's mothering...

 Susannah is famous for the 16 rules she laid down in her home.

1. Eating between meals not allowed.

2. As children they are to be in bed by 8 p.m.

3. They are required to take medicine without complaining.

4. Subdue self-will in a child, and those working together with God to save
the child's soul.

5. To teach a child to pray as soon as he can speak.

6. Require all to be still during Family Worship.

7. Give them nothing that they cry for, and only that when asked for politely.

8. To prevent lying, punish no fault which is first confessed and repented of.

9. Never allow a sinful act to go unpunished.

10. Never punish a child twice for a single offense.

11. Comment and reward good behavior.

12. Any attempt to please, even if poorly performed, should be commended.

13. Preserve property rights, even in smallest matters.

14. Strictly observe all promises.

15. Require no daughter to work before she can read well.

16. Teach children to fear the rod.

Other Notes:

After the second devastating house fire, her children were farmed out to relatives for a period of up to two years. When the rectory was rebuilt and they all came back together, Susannah was appalled at the bad habits of mind and manner the children had acquired while away from her. She began a strict daily regimen to reform them, some of which wasn't new but had been started with the older ones in prior years.

~ They all rose before the sun, and there were strictly prescribed times for school, for private devotions, for study, for meals, for chores, for bedtime prep, and for bedtime.

~ She schooled the children for 3 hours in the morning, and 3 more hours in the afternoon, in classical languages, classical literature, in the Bible, and using religious material she wrote herself.

~ Susannah began homeschooling her children the day they turned five, starting with the alphabet, which they were expected to memorize in a couple days. (Mom and Dad were very bright, and all the children were, too, presumably.) Once they knew the alphabet, she began them in the first chapter of Genesis. They had to copy each line, and then read it and spell it without error, before moving on to another line. Sound a little unconventional? Well, it worked, and they all read fairly quickly and many were avid readers.

~ Susannah modeled a solid devotional time of two hours per day. As a young girl she told herself she would give the Lord as much time in devotions as she had in leisure (or was it double the time?) As a mother she saw the need to return to this promise, due to the discouragement and depression she sometimes battled. She organized her children to facilitate this by having them take care of one another. 

"This was the root of Methodism. In the beginning, what distinguished Methodists was their system. John and Charles, as little boys, just watched their mom. If she couldn’t find a room to retreat to, they watched her flip her apron up over her head and pray." (quote here)

~ Susannah developed another method to reform her children after that second fire: She conferenced for an hour a week individually with each child still at home, with the two older girls meeting with her as a pair on Sunday. She questioned them about their soul, about what was going on in their minds, and taught them Christian doctrine individually, as it related to their personalities and circumstances.

~ Susannah felt her responsibility to her children didn't end with they left home. She continued a regular correspondence with them, to encourage them in Christian principles and to act as their spiritual advisor.

An example of Susannah's mother style, found here 

One day one of her daughters wished to do something which was not altogether bad, but which was not right. When she was told not to do it, she was not convinced. It was late and she and her mother were sitting beside a dead fire. Her mother said to her: "Pick up that bit of coal." "I don't want to," said the girl. "Go on," said her mother. "The fire is out, it won't burn you." "I know that," said the girl. "I know it won't burn me but it will blacken my hands." "Exactly," said Susannah Wesley. "That thing which you wish to do won't burn, but it will blacken. Leave it alone."
 

Concluding Comments:  
 
First of all, who among us knows a woman as organized and disciplined as Susannah Wesley? Maybe another mother of many? Large families require more organization, to be sure. Mothering is a very sanctifying experience, and the bigger the brood, the more true this is. It's also more true when there are children with special needs.

Susannah used her time selflessly, and modeled for her children a disciplined Christian lifestyle. Her children were her jewels, obviously.

When her one daughter got pregnant out of wedlock, one can understand how devastating that was and how betrayed Susannah felt, after all her self-sacrifice in instilling morality and religion in her children. Though Susannah was estranged from that daughter for a number of years (I'm not sure how long), she did eventually forgive her daughter and they enjoyed a good relationship in the years before Susannah's death.

Homeschooling was definitely a pioneering experience in Susannah's day, although Susannah and her own sisters were also taught at home, while their brothers went off to formal school--something Susannah's sons did as well. In fact, her last son went off to boarding school at age 8, which Susannah didn't approve of because of his tender age (it was arranged by his father and his older adult brothers).

What about the strict scheduling? Is it really necessary?

While I used to balk at strict schedules, I notice that when I stick to a solid routine around here my children behave better and get more accomplished, as do I. I'm a more spontaneous person by nature, but I've learned to push myself out of sheer motherly duty. I'd say my habits have improved in the last two years, and prior to that I'd characterize my discipline as hit and miss. I have a legacy vision now, rather than a day-to-day vision.

Four mornings a week after breakfast I listen to a chapter of the Bible on audio with the children, followed by my reading the commentary on the chapter, and us discussing how it relates to our lives. We follow this with round-robin prayer, and there are specific things we have listed to pray about each day of the week. This morning practice is sometimes gruelling for me as we begin; I'm simply not a morning person, and I often have at least a slight headache upon waking. But once again, I've learned to push myself deliberately, out of sheer will, whereas before I skipped days without even remembering.

The Holy Spirit has worked with me on discipline. I have felt this keenly. Anything I am able to accomplish as a mother is by his grace, with my nature being slowly plucked, and His nature being slowly substituted.

Wherever you are in this process, trust the Holy Spirit to move you along.

I want to add that not having a newborn, infant, or toddler to care for helped this discipline process along (devotional time isn't as chaotic now). My five year old doesn't sit still for the Bible reading and discussing, but is allowed to quietly dress dolls while we proceed. But during prayer she must remain still, without occupation. This took some slapping of her hand to accomplish, but after a couple days she could do it. At night with Daddy 3x a week, we do it at the kitchen table, and she's allowed to color while we read and discuss.

Your Turn:

What jumps out at you about Susannah's commitment, discipline, and style? Does it turn you off, or inspire you?

Do you feel the Holy Spirit remaking you as a mother? In what areas have you seen progress? Do you feel a divine push as you go through your day?

We must face that children still have free wills, and that no matter how committed we are, they may disappoint us with their adult choices. How do you think we can prepare ourselves so that no rift occurs between us and our wayward children?

Have you pinpointed yet what is most important to you as a mothering priority? What aspect of mothering do you spend the most time on? What aspects are lowest priorities for you?

How can we give love an honored place in our mothering, as opposed to rules and teaching? Do you like the idea of one-on-one time with each child? Is it feasible for you? What other ways can we make love rule in our homes?

What do you think makes the most difference in their lives as they grow up and make their own decisions--love, discipline, modeling, or prayer? Or are they equally important?

Thank you for your time in reading and responding. Bless you.