With Love From Sheila (My "Adopted" Daughter)

Last month, on January 28, we sponsored Sheila from Uganda. I wrote the first letter online that day, since Compassion added her to my account within hours. However, I didn't expect to hear from her for at least a couple months.



It turns out, mail is fast from Uganda! (Not so when we write to India, Burkina Faso, and El Salvador.) We received an introductory letter from Sheila on February 22, written in her hand, in English (which is the official language in Uganda). The letter was a joy for all of us!

Sheila lives with just her grandmother, who is 61. The life expectancy for people in Uganda is not long, so I will be definitely be praying that Sheila has her grandmother in her life for many more years.

Here is the text of Sheila's letter, which she wrote before receiving my letter.

Dear My Friend,

Praise God for the gift of Life. Thank God for you and for loving me and choosing me to be your friend. I will always pray for you to be blessed and may God's love and mercy be upon you. I am now in senior three and pray for me to succeed in my studies for in future would like to be a teacher.

I go to worship God at St. James church of Uganda. I have learnt that at church they tell us encouraging words, and the good news of Jesus Christ. Have you ever heard of Jesus Christ?

May the Almighty God keep loving and blessing you as you serve him.

Sheila

She also filled in some pre-made boxes on the Compassion stationary, telling us a little more about her.

Her favorite things:

In school - English
Food - rice
Color - orange
Game - playing netball
Bible Story - Daniel
Song - Jesus Loves Me

"If I could visit anywhere...I would go to Kampala because it is a big city."

She also drew beautiful pictures under the heading: I know how to draw...book, house, hen, hut, cup, ball, an egg, tree

Sheila is the only Compassion child we have who doesn't have a mother. I read from her profile that her parents were married, until the death of her mother. Her father is still alive, but not in her life.

My heart soars in a different way for this child, for if my husband would allow it and if we were younger, I would definitely adopt a child. I have always loved children, from an early age asking to hold everyone's baby, later becoming a first-grade teacher, and working in the nursery as soon as I became a Christian. My own children delight me daily with their giggles, their clever ideas, the way they dance to Jesus songs with abandon, the way they fall in live with certain picture books, and the way they so often get inspired by their learning materials. Children are a delight...a joy...a blessing from the Lord. There's no other way to put it. Watching them grow and learn is a privilege.

My role in our other Compassion children's lives is encourager, teacher, and spiritual friend. However, with Sheila I can possibly be a mother figure and no one would be offended (or at least I hope not). I plan to pray that God gives me the words to gently enter her life as a surrogate mother, while not treading on her grandmother's heart. A young lady needs to know that she is loved, that she is beautiful, inside and out. That she is bright and capable and that God has a plan for her life, and that in following it, she will know joy and peace and pass them on to her own children. A young lady needs to know that her life will matter far after she's gone, for generations, if she allows God to fully lead.

It is my privilege to speak these things into her life in these, her vulnerable teen years (she'll be 15 in May).

Please, sponsor a child. Since the older children get chosen far less, I encourage you to consider sponsoring a tween or teen. To say it would brighten your days in an understatement! You don't have to love children exceedingly to do this. It is an act of obedience and God will give you the words, the prayers, the funds. I promise you that.

If you already sponsor, what ages are your children, and from what countries? How have the letters blessed you and your family?

Dealing With Abusive Parents or Spouses

I wrote a couple weeks ago that I had to cut ties with my mother. As I continue to process the whole experience, I will occasionally write what I hope are helpful tips for those dealing with abusive situations.

1. First, don't let the guilt kill you. You are allowed to feel rotten about your cutting-all-ties decision for one or two days, and then you must let it go. Consider this: You weren't actually the one who decided to cut ties. Your parent (or spouse) made the decision when they continually chose to treat you abusively. Your only decision was to stop enabling their poisonous behavior. Tolerating it is enabling it.

If you begin to feel intense guilt and are constantly second-guessing your decision, you must fight through that. Those feelings are part of codependence; they are unhealthy. Never feel guilty for distancing yourself from abuse. Growing up, I was always afraid that if I told my mother the truth about her poisonous behavior (or her drinking) she'd get so depressed that she'd commit suicide. If you can relate to that, you used to be (or are) codependent. It is not your job to prevent someone from committing suicide. It is not your job to make someone else happy. (This even applies to your children.)

2.  People who have not been emotionally abused, or who are enablers, will hint that your decision is unforgiving and mean-hearted. Don't believe it. Forgiving an emotionally or physically abusive person doesn't stop their abuse. Yes, forgive them, for your own sake. It releases you spiritually and emotionally when you forgive them--just don't mistakenly assume that forgiving means you have to tolerate abuse. You can forgive a person from afar. You can even forgive someone who is already dead. Forgiveness is a spiritual decision and God is our partner in it. Tell God you want to forgive, and then let him work it out in your heart.

3. Family members still stuck in codependence might break off ties with you, or call you and beg you to apologize to the abuser. Don't apologize. Every time we apologize to an abuser, it lets them off the hook for their behavior. Any act that cushions them or somehow prevents them from taking full responsiblity for their behavior, is enabling.  If substance abuse is involved, you can tell the family member not to contact you until they've been sober for 6 months (as an alternative to completely cutting off ties).

4. Your decision and the isolation it causes will be very hard. If you don't know anyone who can understand, pray for support. Several days after I made my decision (and I was in a living hell emotionally), I learned that my 56-year-old friend from church had to cut ties with her abusive mother that same week (even while the mother was in the midst of a cancer diagnosis). My friend didn't know anything about my situation--she just happened to email, asking me for prayer support.  It was divine intervention for me to have someone who understood abuse, and the need to get away from it at all costs.

5. You do not have a cold heart, my friend. You have a healthy heart that desires healthy interaction. Did you hear that? You do not have a cold heart. Love is not about rescuing someone. Rescuing someone is about codependence. Rescuers are not compassionate; they are unhealthy. The Bible asks us to love sacrificially, yes, but that command doesn't refer to codependence. A healthy, biblical love comes from a heart that is full of God's love.  We love because He first loved us.

Conversely, the love of a codependent is a needy, make-me-feel-worthy-by-needing-me love. You don't want someone to need you--unless you have a newborn in your arms and your heart is overflowing with a maternal love. We nurture our children with abandon and joy, but when they can do something themselves, we let them. Letting them begin to take care of themselves, little by little, is part of healthy love. Your worth and usefulness come from God, not from people.

6. Accept that you are not loved by the abuser. Yes, it is painful. Heartwrenching even. But accept it. If the abuser loved you, they wouldn't abuse. They love themselves. Tell God you need love, and let him fill you with it, to overflowing.

Leave a comment if you need prayer. Comments are on delay now--blog owner approval has to come first, before a comment is published. I don't publish comments asking for prayer unless you give me permission.

 

For The Worrier: A Walk Down Sovereignty Lane

"So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own" (Matt. 6:34).

How are you, friend? What's on your mind?

I'm completely overwhelmed with countless details and problems, and this is not of God. Just in case you're feeling similarly, I thought we'd take a walk down Sovereignty Lane.

When the details and problems of life brim over and steal our peace, it could be that we're not in the Word enough. But sometimes we can read our Bibles regularly, and still miss an important piece of Truth.

I believe it's the truth of sovereignty that's missing at these times. We live in God's kingdom, not our own. We exist to fill God's purposes, not our own. We belong to God, not to ourselves.

In light of these truths, does it make sense to feel overwhelmed? Certainly not. It's self-centeredness, not God-centeredness.

I have 5 verses to share about the folly of worry, and even more to share about God's sovereignty. Read, pray, know, and feel them. Bless you, my friend!

Worry Verses

"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. So do not worry about tomorrow . . ." (Matt. 5:33).

"And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life" (Matt. 6:27)?

 "He is before all things, and in him all things hold together" (Colossians 1:17).

"Jesus looked at them and said, 'With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible' (Matthew 19:26).

“'I am the LORD, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?'" (Jeremiah 32:27).

Sovereignty Verses

"Before the mountains were born or you brought forth the whole world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God" (Psalm 90:2).

"LORD, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth! You have set your glory in the heavens" (Psalm 8:1)

"For you, LORD, are the Most High over all the earth; you are exalted far above all gods" (Psalm 97:9).

"Great is our Lord and mighty in power; his understanding has no limit" (Psalm 147:5).

"I make known the end from the beginning..." (Isaiah 46:10).

 "Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account" (Hebrews 4:13).

"Yours, LORD, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the majesty and the splendor, for everything in heaven and earth is yours. Yours, LORD, is the kingdom; you are exalted as head over all. Wealth and honor come from you; you are the ruler of all things. In your hands are strength and power to exalt and give strength to all" (1 Chronicles 29:11-12).

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