Thankful Thursday: 6 Years of Gratitude

Psalm 107.1 Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever!   

It's Thankful Thursday today, but instead of making gratitude lists, I'd like to do something different. I've been writing on this topic for at least six years now (I started with a different blog), and I'd like to highlight the changes in my life, since gratitude took root.

~ I worry far less. I think worrying is an unfortunate characteristic of conscientious people. If you knew me in real life, you would easily describe me as conscientious. I try hard. I fail often, but I try hard. My worry-wort tendency is no longer a dominant factor in my life. Any worrying I do now is short-lived, relieved by gratitude thoughts, writing out my thoughts here on the blog, and recalling memorized Scripture. I recognize the folly--the sin, really--of worry, fairly quickly, whereas before I let it have free reign, allowing it to quickly snowball into anxiety.

~ I am more content, and could actually describe myself as very happy (okay well, except for those hormones). Even though many a post may sound melancholy, remember that as I write, I am dumping my melancholy, my self-absorbedness, for something better: gratitude, the peace of Christ. As I dump my sin, I embrace the gracious God who's already forgiven me. While dumping personal issues can seem indiscreet, the opposite, an extreme reserve, can be unhealthy for the person clinging to all their issues in the interest of dignity. That's not to say they can't be dumped at the Lord's feet, bypassing any other audience. For me, writing is a way to get in touch with my feelings, enabling me to then dump them.

Writing for an audience forces me toward greater clarity, which is a mental discipline I don't otherwise pursue. I would say that understanding ourselves, and thereby acknowledging our sins, is Holy Spirit driven, but quickened by our cooperation. Once I am free of the "baggage", gratitude floods my heart and mind. Our sins are a barrier to gratitude.

~ I see God's hand in my life. It is easier to submit to His will when I can easily recall His acts of graciousness and love toward me and others. Gratitude reminds me that God is faithful and powerful, able to handle all the details of my life.

~ I don't play the comparison game. Though others may seem to have an easier life than me, I quickly reject any comparison because of a fundamental belief that I am truly blessed by God, that my life displays his grace and goodness. Taking a regular account of blessings has given me that foundational belief--that I am blessed.

~ I can be a servant. Whereas before I attended more to what I wanted for my life, I now attend more to what God's wants, enabling me to embrace servanthood more. Knowing how he has blessed me allows me to yield to Him in my daily duties and in any additional duties.

How long have you been counting your blessings, and how has it changed you?

Warning on a Book I Mentioned

I wrote yesterday of a Sonlight read aloud entitled Seven Daughters and Seven Sons by Barbara Cohen. Well, I was able to finish it today, partially due to a couple hours in a waiting room during speech and physical therapy. While it is a good book, the themes are too mature for our sons, so we won't continue with it this year. I just thought I should mention its maturity in case someone thought to check it out at the library.

 

Simple Woman's Daybook 5/28

 

 

Outside my window...

 

We had a gorgeous last five days. Now, it is humid, cloudy, with more rain expected shortly. The large farm next to our housing complex planted all their corn over the weekend, so the rain is welcome. It's been dry for a week. Our garden went in too this weekend. In northeast Ohio you plant on Memorial Day weekend, which is your best bet to avoid a frost.

I am thinking...

I just finished a biography on Corrie ten Boom tonight. I am thinking about all the evil in the world, and how just when you think it can't get any worse, you hear of another horror. I have not read a lot about German concentration camps, but enough to know that some of the worst evil in all humanity occurred in them. Hitler was all about championing the strong, and Christ is all about championing the weak and the humble...the least of these. What a contrast.

For 33 years after leaving her last German concentration camp, Corrie traveled around the world, speaking about God and forgiveness. Her sister Betsy was with her in two concentration camps, and she died in the second one. Her last words were..."We must tell them there is no pit so deep that God's love is not deeper."

Every time Corrie thought she might settle down and stop speaking and writing, her sister's words came back to her, inspiring her to continue. Betsy was the stronger Christian, able to forgive even the Germans who treated her like a dog. Corrie had no intention of forgiving them, until Betsy's words, and the Holy Spirit's power, gave her the divine power to forgive.

Sometimes having a son who struggles makes me feel like there will never be relief from the stress...that life will always be hard, and bittersweet. The Lord could have spared Corrie and Betsy. Their brother, nephew, and another sister were released from prison very early, and never went to concentration camps. Their father died 10 days into his prison sentence for hiding Jews, so he never saw a concentration camp either. The Lord spared them all, but not Corrie and Betsy. He had amazing plans for these two spinster sisters, and the plans were not pretty. They were horrendous, in fact.

But in the end, all that mattered was that God was glorified.

In our everyday lives, it's so easy to forget that it isn't about us, but about the Lord's glory. We waste so much time feeling sorry for ourselves, wishing that things were better for us, instead of concentrating on being obedient servants. I write so often on this blog, enough to make your eyes roll, that we are bought and paid for...slaves to Christ. The Lord can allow concentration camps in our lives, or any other manner of horror, and it still behooves us to remain obedient.

"We must tell them there is no pit so deep that God's love is not deeper."

I am thankful...

~ for a relaxing Memorial Day weekend.
~ that the sweetest little girls call me Mommy.
~ that I get to be a Mom. I get to!
~ for being the wife of one obedient Christian man, whom I love.
~ for having a happy family, not withstanding our disorders.
~ for the Word of God...its power to transform, to encourage, to cleanse, to strengthen.
~ for Paul's self-discipline and strength.
~ for Peter's passion and hard work, trying to fulfill his dreams.
~ for Compassion children to love, pray for, and write to.

 

In the kitchen...

 

~ ground turkey haystack dinner (recipe coming soon), salad

 

~ burrito pie, brown rice, salad

 

~ crockpot whole chicken, corn, baked potatoes

 

~ spaghetti

 

~ meatloaf, brown rice, steamed veggies

 

~ baked beans, corn on the cob, salad, strawberrry shortcake, smores, and lastly, brats, cooked on an open fire, which my husband bought and I wouldn't be caught dead eating. He has specific requests for holidays meals, but otherwise I don't let him choose our menu, reminding myself that I'm supposed to "guide the house" and that means my family's health. I have transformed my formerly nutritionally-challenged husband, who as a long-time bachelor ate the fattiest meat and drank whole milk by the gallons (all the while staying lean, somehow).

 

~ french toast, fresh fruit, cafe potatoes

 

I am wearing...

 

flowered brown and pink rayon skirt, pink top, slippers, since it's almost midnight. It's 2-shower-a-day humidity time, and will be for a while. But I love crawling into bed feeling clean every night, and starting my day feeling clean. Corrie ten Boom went 11 months without a bath or being able to brush her teeth. I feel very, very spoiled, but the fact is, the humidity is my enemy (headachey, thirst I can't seem to quench. Even chocolate doesn't appeal as much during humidity).

 

I am creating...

 

books in my mind, which may or may not ever be written down or published. Too much laundry and dishes to get in the way.

 

I am going...

 

I got my first pap smear in three and a half years out of the way today, and got a script for Topamax for migraines, and one for my first mammogram. Yes, 48 is a little late for a baseline mammogram, but I nursed my last child until age 47. I hope I don't have any cancer lurking anywhere, and I confess I wish all the results were already in, with normal written all over them. The longer it's been since your last doctor visit, the more weight the results carry.

 

I am wondering...

 

how a friend is doing tonight, who is under a great deal of stress.

 

I am reading...

 

Just finished the ten Boom biography, and tomorrow will start Seven Daughters and Seven Sons by Barbara Cohen, which is a read aloud from the Sonlight curriculum. My husband does the read alouds with the boys, so I don't usually list them here, but sometimes I read them by myself. This one promises to be riveting.

 

 

Synopis:

In an ancient Arab nation, one woman dares to be different .Buran cannot -- Buran will not-sit quietly at home and wait to be married to the man her father chooses. Determined to use her skills and earn a fortune, she instead disguises herself as a boy and travels by camel caravan to a distant city. There, she maintains her masculine disguise and establishes a successful business. The city's crown prince comes often to her shop, and soon Buran finds herself falling in love. But if she reveals to Mahmud that she is a woman, she will lose everything she has worked for.

A retelling of a traditional Arabic tale in which a young woman disguises herself as a man and opens up a shop in a distant city in order to help her impoverished family.

Also reading...We are done with James and are 4 chapters into 1 Corinthians in our morning devotional time.

I am hoping...

for good test results, and for a peaceful return of our dog, Rudy, to the foster dog home that runs a dog-rescue operation. He has snapped at the children about five times since we got him 2.5 months ago (not biting, but lunging forward to scare the kids). I don't have the money to hire a trainer to train out the aggression. He has food aggression, toy aggression, and space aggression. 97% of the time he is a very sweet boy, but when children are involved, that's not a high enough percentage. The kids can be too impulsive with him, getting too close to his face, and not remembeing to leave him alone when he's napping. I can't count on 100% obedience from the kids--they forget too easily when it's been a long time since the dog last snapped. We love the dog and are heartbroken about it, and Peter gives me no peace about it, but we have to think of the horrible scars and nerve damage that a possible bite could cause. Rescue dogs can have issues, and a family without younger kids is the best, I think, for many of them.

We won't try again for some time, as the dog never did help with Peter's issues. I am aiming for three years from now, when Peter is 15 and my youngest is 8, unless God brings the perfect situation sooner. We didn't want a puppy because of all the basic training they need, but maybe a puppy from a family we know would be the safest bet.

Around the house...

I put away a whole lot of clutter today, and tomorrow I will dust and vacuum and catch up on the laundry I didn't do on Memorial Day.

Scripture to share...

Romans 8:38-39 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

 

Thankful Thursday Family Edition 5/22

Ephesians 5:20 Giving thanks always for all things to God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ;

Beth, age 5

~ that I have super funny books
~ that I have a funny sister who can tickle me at any minute
~ that I can talk to, drink "tea" with, and play with my sister
~ that I love my sister
~ that I have my family
~ I love trees

Mary, age 7

~ for my funny, laughable, cute sister Beth
~ I love the strength in my hands to tickle my sister until she explodes with giggles
~ that God gave me a great family
~ I love the blue sky and sun and the beautiful leaves on the trees
~ for my family and friends

Paul, age 10

~ that I'm finally feeling better
~ that I like math and I'm good at it
~ that we have so many plants in the greenhouse
~ that I can go to the library
~ that I have a good church and nice people at AWANA
~ the new neighbors--I hope they're nice and have kids

Peter, age 12

~ my mom and dad
~ trees
~ my house
~ my garden and greenhouse
~ siblings
~ new neighbors
~ my bed
~ my dog
~ my snake
~ my library books

Daddy, age 55

~ my wife and children
~ that I have a car and that it keeps running
~ my jobs
~ birding and hiking
~ sunny days
~ that God always provides

Mommy, age 48

~ the thunder never came and my Mary is happy as a lark
~ the calm, therapeutic time Peter spends in his greenhouse
~ my children's love of the library, as though it is just as sweet as Christmas itself
~ the family all laughing over a book
~ old movies; the charm, innocence, loftier values
~ a working lawn mower
~ biography about Corrie ten Boom
~ full days at home to enjoy each other, and to enjoy God and his bounty and provision
~ that sunshine and hope follow dark moments, so that despair can't put down permanent roots

What are you thankful for, friends?

Supporting the Grieving

Raising Arrows author Amy wrote a post entitled How Well-Meaning People Unintentionally Hurt Those Who Grieve.

A number of years ago, Amy lost an infant daughter suddenly, from an illness that turned a corner for the worse rapidly. She lists comments or practices we should avoid around grieving parents, and in order to add my comments about grief, I feel it necessary to include her list below:

1. Not being there (Not going to the funeral or to the house afterwards)

2. Saying “it was for the best”, “she’s in a better place”, or any variation thereof

3. Trying to find someone to blame

4. Putting grief in a box (Thinking a person's grief should follow a certain pattern)

5. Not acknowledging their loss (Not bringing up the loss, or the date of death, etc.)

6. Making this about you (She means refrain from telling your own story of grief.)

7. Never being normal around them again (Don't walk on eggshells, in other words.)

I think this list illustrates how hard it is to support a grieving person. No two people are alike in grief, but I think this is a good list and one we should remember as much as possible. I am guilty of making a couple of the mistakes on the list, in regard to grieving family and friends.

First, I have talked about my own baby loss, and secondly, because of having babies and toddlers at home, I missed two funerals for two distant elderly relatives, partially because of not having a babysitter available, and the fact that they were open casket, which I don't care for with children around, especially. Also, one of the funerals was a Jehovah's Witness funeral, and there was no way I was going to allow my boys--still developing their own faith--to listen to such a sermon.

My husband and I will be cremated, and we cremated our infant son. To each his own of course, but I very much dislike open-casket funerals, despite them being the standard in our culture. Saying goodbye to an empty, dressed-up, made-up body holds no meaning for me, and I've always thought it a bazarre practice, though I'm in the minority in this view of it, considering it's been done for hundreds of years (I think?). I walk by the body out of respect, but I never linger there, and I just hope my not lingering has never hurt anyone.

For my part, I didn't mind at all when women told me their own miscarriage stories. It comforted me, rather than aggravated me. Although, I didn't want to hear about multiple miscarriages, as I still wanted the hope of another baby. At least two people told me their stories of multiple miscarriages, and that did haunt me. Try not to say anything that may rob a grieving person of hope.

As well, I didn't mind when people said my baby was in a better place, because this was a huge affirmation of my own belief. I knew the grieving was my thing (and my husband's), not my baby's. It was about our lost dreams, our lost hopes. Isn't our love far inferior to what our baby receives in Heaven? This is my perspective, but I wouldn't assume another grieving mother would feel the same, and many don't, for sure.  Thus, I have never told anyone that their loved one was in a better place, and I wouldn't recommend it.

I usually just hug the grieving, and say I'm sorry for their loss. Perhaps I'm in error on this, but I think brevity is a good thing, especially right after the loss, as is sending flowers and cards and meals.

I have never made an issue in my mind about exact dates of death, but most people do, so this is important for us to remember, and to mark on our calendars for the sake of our loved ones, especially in the first two years of their grief, which are always the most intense.

The most important item on the list, in my mind? Acknowledge the loss. I personally wouldn't mind if someone missed a funeral, since people have many reasons for that, but I did get hurt when people would see me in the weeks after the loss, and never acknowledge it at all. That did hurt, and I think perhaps this would be true for 95% of grievers--that failing to acknowledge their pain is always a mistake. Even my husband--and men grieve very differently than women--disliked it when people failed to mention our loss at all. The first miscarriage occurred in the fifth month, so everyone knew we were pregnant.

This was not so with the second miscarriage, which occurred at ten weeks and was fairly private. I recognized that I was handling the second miscarriage far differently than the first, and that this fact would bring judgement upon me possibly, from those who thought all baby losses are equally as devastating. They are all devastating, but in one I faced the thought of never being a mom at all, and in the second the sadness differed--not as catastrophic, for one thing; I had two small boys at home to care for, who called me Mommy (Peter and Paul).

That said, we should never say "at least you have children at home" or something like that, because it is hurtful, as though the loss was barely a blip on our radar, which is far from true for any mom, for any baby loss.

I think, too, that grief is different for different causes of death.  Accidental death, death from illness, miscarriage death, infant-loss death, and elderly-person death, all come with unique sets of issues. We have to treat each case differently, but in each case, acknowledging the loss is the most important thing.

What would you like to add, from your own experiences?

image