Gratitude Journal

Some of these are blessings that come through tears, and some are no-strings-attached blessings. One thing my life story teaches me is that a blessing is whatever situates you at the Lord's feet, either to adore Him, or draw strength from Him.

~ My daughter Beth's arthritis seems to have spread to the knuckles in both hands, but despite that, she remains happy, energetic, and is still intent on drawing prolifically, hoping to illustrate books some day. She inspires me, which helps me absorb the disappointment that God is thus far choosing not to heal her aggressive arthritis (despite using all the medicines available). However, she is not in a wheelchair, which would have been her fate in the past. We still have much to remain thankful for with modern medicine.

~ My husband's steadfast, genuine love.

~ My daughters' sweet hugs and kisses multiple times a day.

~ Though my Peter struggles mightily with his OCD, he still pledges allegiance to God and believes that through God's strength, he will beat this. It's very stressful for the whole family, but the siblings mercy him and pray for him, rather than resent him. And for that, I'm very grateful.

~ The blessing of homeschooling.

~ Learning to love people for themselves, and not for what we hope them to be. As soon as we let go of our expectations, we can truly appreciate the people God has strategically placed in our lives. When you're grading a paper, expectations are good. When you're training children to clean up after themselves, expectations are good. When you're trying to love your fellow man, expectations can get in the way.

"While we were sinners, Christ died for us." He loved us, despite our flaws. Trust is conditional--people have to earn and maintain our trust--but love should be unconditional. That's not to say you stay in proximity of people who are abusing you. We can unconditionally love someone just by praying for them consistently. We can't bring ourselves to pray for someone unless we've allowed, or forced, our heart to love them.

~ Instead of co-teaching AWANA Cubbies (preschoolers), I'm co-teaching AWANA Trek this year, which is the middle school club. I'm enjoying that very much.

~ Children growing in knowledge of the Lord and His ways.

~ God's amazing provision, which never fails.

~ Wisdom and stamina from the Lord, as I deal with health issues and homeschooling and scheduling.

~ New kind lady friends at church, one of whom I co-teach with in Trek.

~ That God loves story and gives us all a personal, compelling story--stories that reflect his glory and fill us with living water.

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A Little Family Wisdom

My kids may as well have been born in a different century, or so it seems sometimes. We're in a church with lots of children, and consequently my kids are perceiving more and more how other kids' lives are different from theirs.

Basically, when you take away all disposable income (money to entertain oneself outside the home or the park) and take away video- and electronic-games and Internet phones, what you have is an existence for kids that mirrors more what it was like in the mid to late twentieth century. That is, kids who entertained themselves with the natural environment (creeks, ponds, fields, backyards), and with bats and balls, paper, crayons, pencils and paints, with yarn, sewing, and dolls, and most importantly, with their own family, and neighbor kids.

When my kids (even my youngest) go to church and hear about this or that family who went here or there, and ate at this or that restaurant, or who played this or that electronic game, they feel left out and weird. So they mention it to me and I empathize with them, telling them it is hard to be different.

But then we discuss what they heard and compare it to the life God calls us to in the Bible. He calls us to lead an other-focused life, not a me-focused life. All the things they heard are usually me-focused activities, rather than other-focused activities, and so our little talk helps them see that they're really not worse off, even if they appear weird.

I also remind them that people in wealthy countries often spend the first half of their lives indulging themselves. Then, when they're older and learn that a me-focused life is not what God wants for them, they have a hard time finding a balance. They feel deprived if they start to spend less on themselves. It's a difficult transition.

It's good, I remind my kids, to know what to do with yourself without money to help you. It's a great skill and one that will help them all their lives. They have to use their imaginations, and they have to learn to work cooperatively with others to make the most of the resources available. And they have to invent new things to do, rather than rely on something already invented.

They're learning that God gave us much to entertain and soothe ourselves in the natural world, which He created for our good pleasure. The natural world is a gift. It's like God's love letter to us.

Lastly, my kids, as less distracted young people, are learning that entertainment isn't supposed to be our only concern. People all over the world have needs, and we're supposed to be thinking about that, more than about our next entertainment fix. I share with them this verse:

1 Corinthians 10:23 "I have the right to do anything," you say--but not everything is beneficial. "I have the right to do anything"--but not everything is constructive.

The more choices we have available to us outside of our working/school hours, the more we have to discern what is good and pleasing to the Lord. We already know that work is good and pleasing to the Lord, and that idleness (not having an occupation of some sort) is sin. We already know that God calls us also to rest.

If during our discretionary time we have more permissible things on our list than constructive things, we're imbalanced.

Don't feel sorry for your kids if you can't give them what most kids have or experience. Rarely are the things that come from money the best things (unless you're talking clean water, sanitation, and a non-leaking roof).

Actually, if your Christian kids fit it with typical kids, you might be missing something about not being in the world. Christian kids should be different. Rough around the edges because they're still kids, after all, but different, nonetheless. (My kids have huge flaws, believe me.)

Another difference my kids feel keenly is their perception of family. They're often dismayed at what kids say about their siblings, or even about their parents.

Case in point: Last Friday some new neighbors came over and when Peter told the sister of the pair (she was about 9 years old) that he had three siblings, she responded sarcastically, "Oh, I feel sorry for you."

When your best earthly asset is your family, you can't relate to these sentiments. Peter told her--as he often does to other kids who express similar sentiments--that he is grateful for his siblings. As my oldest, Peter is learning to stand up for his values without care for the backlash.

Family has gone out of style, sadly. Families may sleep under the same roof, but because they disperse here and there during the day and evenings, that's about all they have in common--their roof for sleeping under. They don't even necessarily eat there, or at least not often together.

If I ever wanted to write a book, it would be about bringing back the family. If you have a close-knit nuclear family, you're rich. And if you have the Lord in conjunction with family, you have all the best this universe has to offer--a foundation that will never fail you...sources of joy that will never go out of style.

Thank the Lord we always have these two things to give to our children, no matter our circumstances.

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Preparing Our Daughters For Lifelong Marriage Part 1

No doubt you're sick of hearing about the Duggars by now, but I really want to encourage mothers and wives by giving a Christian perspective on Anna Duggar's situation, and speak on how we can prepare our daughters for marriage and for a life of faith. Should we really "teach them to breathe fire" and would that prevent heartbreak in their lives?

In this first piece, I will deal with just the beginning portion of the worldly sentiments presented in the letter featured below. In another piece, I'll write on the breathe-fire portion.

Kirkland, a mother of two girls, recently wrote a Facebook post that went viral, detailed here and excerpted below:

Anna Duggar is in the worst position she could possibly be in right now. Anna Duggar was crippled by her parents by receiving no education, having no work experience (or life experience, for that matter) and then was shackled to this loser because his family was famous in their religious circle. Anna Duggar was taught that her sole purpose in life, the most meaningful thing she could do, was to be chaste and proper, a devout wife, and a mother. Anna Duggar did that! Anna Duggar followed the rules that were imposed on her from the get-go and this is what she got in reward.
As a mother of daughters, this makes me ill. Parents, WE MUST DO BETTER BY OUR DAUGHTERS. Boys, men, are born with power. Girls have to command it for themselves. They aren't given it. They assume it and take it. But you have to teach them to do it, that they can do it. We HAVE to teach our daughters that they are not beholden to men like this. That they don't have to marry a man their father deems "acceptable" and then stay married to that man long, long after he proved himself UNACCEPTABLE. Educate them. Empower them. Give them the tools they need to survive, on their own if they must. Josh Duggar should be cowering in fear of Anna Duggar right now. Cowering. He isn't, but he should be. He should be quaking in fear that the house might fall down around them if he's in the same room as she. Please, instill your daughters with the resolve to make a man cower if he must. To say "I don't deserve this, and my children don't deserve this." I wish someone had ever, just once, told Anna she was capable of this. That she knew she is. As for my girls, I'll raise them to think they breathe fire.

It's tempting to champion this woman's cause given the completely humiliating manner in which Josh treated Anna. As much as I've cringed at Josh Duggar's heartbreaking sins and how unfavorably they reflect on Christianity, I'm mindful that we know very little information. Isn't that usually true, when we're tempted to judge others?

We have no idea what went on in their marriage or in their daily family life, but I know from experience that when you're caring for a newborn and other little ones, you have little interest in marital relations. (Don't roll your eyes yet...I am not going to excuse Josh or any other unfaithful spouse.) Weeks or sometimes months can go by without any attention to our husbands, easily, during this first year (or during times of intense stress), and our husbands are put in a difficult place, because to keep reminding us about their needs appears insensitive to our exhaustion or our feelings. I think many men remain silent so as not to provoke us or feel like schmucks.

Most women are aroused by feeling close to and in love with their husbands, and by being rested and relaxed enough to feel light and playful. Men are aroused far more easily (given their visual bent) and can even be aroused during times of exhaustion and intense stress.

Communication is very, very important here.

Our husbands are responsible before God for their decisions and actions, no matter whether we remember their needs or not. It isn't fair to blame an overwhelmed and physically exhausted mother for her husband's pornography habit or an affair, but it is wise for mothers to prepare their daughters to keep lines of communication open with their husbands in the year after childbirth, and during times of intense family stress. It's an unwise woman who assumes her husband is doing fine, as long as he isn't nagging for attention. Grace must abound on both sides.

God always provides a way out of temptation and open communication is one of those means in a marriage.

I am not indicating by these statements that I think Josh is a real Christian gone wrong, or that by more marital relations their issues could have been prevented. I don't know his spiritual state, but total deception such as his can start with small spiritual compromises, accompanied by a sense of entitlement. Satan is sure to spur us on in our compromises, by increasing our sense of entitlement.

We need to resist the temptation to make villains of one spouse or the other when we hear bits and pieces of marital stories, since no one knows the inner workings of a marriage, as I said. We do best to pray for our own marriage and the marriages within our churches. Because marriage. is. hard.

I resolve to prepare my daughters for the complexities of married life...for how many of us went into marriage wholly unprepared for the complexity, and had to make mistakes to learn how to dance well together? A lifelong marriage will have very low points, and only the strongest finish the race.

The world will scream for us to cut our losses, get out and start over, but the spiritually steadfast and long-suffering stay the course (though if you are being abused, put physical and emotional distance between you and the abuser, by all means).

And incidentally, when an adulterer remains unrepentant, he is abusing his wife emotionally and she is justified in leaving, with the Lord's blessing. Before it becomes clear that an adulterer is unrepentant, I believe the Lord would rather we keep our eyes on Him and proceed cautiously, though we can leave for adultery right away, if desired.

The world would have us believe that a women who stays is weak and stupid, but God's glory shines through us best when we focus on His character, rather than on what we deserve.

Kristen Welsh from We Are That Family successfully dealt with her husband's addiction to pornography (he's an ex youth pastor) and they have a strong marriage now. With our eyes on God instead of on our immediate heartache, marriage can persevere.

Anna Duggar is in the worst position she could possibly be in right now. This is a worldly perspective only. Anna Duggar is (let's assume), a born-again Christian and as such, she's got eternal life to look forward to, rather than eternal suffering. Contrary to Ms. Kirkland's sentiment, Anna is blessed beyond measure.

The 20-year-old woman who gets in a car accident a month before her wedding and becomes a paraplegic for life, is in a pretty awful situation, too, but like Anna's situation, it's part of the sin curse. We all suffer and everyone has devastating periods in their lives, whether they come early or later in our middle years. We all need divine strength to get through the day. We all need to be thankful for every day, and reminded that godliness with contentment is great gain.

Anna Duggar was crippled by her parents by receiving no education, having no work experience (or life experience, for that matter) and then was shackled to this loser because his family was famous in their religious circle. 

Anna was crippled by her parents? While at least a two-year degree or a vocational skill is desirable before marriage, the Bible does not ask us to put our hope in education. Psalm 39:7 "But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you.

The Bible does mandate one type of education--spiritual education, as outlined here:

Deuteromony 11:19 "You shall therefore impress these words of mine on your heart and on your soul; and you shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. "You shall teach them to your sons, talking of them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road and when you lie down and when you rise up. "You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates,…

The Bible also teaches that if we put the Kingdom of God first, then God will provide for all of our daily needs, education or not--and I say this as someone who, as a former public educator, has been guilty in the past of worshiping education.

Matthew 6:32-34 "For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. "So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

It's so easy for all of us to disregard this verse when our daily bread appears insecure, as it may for Anna right now, but God's Word stands firm, no matter our circumstances. When we make a commitment to live each day for his glory and give tomorrow to Him, our joy abounds.

Hope in His Power

God, the lover of my soul, gives me hope. Scarcely a half hour goes by before any despair I experience is replaced with Hope. Sometimes, it's in the form of tangible evidence he gives me about the future.

Last week, my son Peter had to respond to a writing warm-up from Apologia's Jump In Writing Curriculum. His prompt was God has given me...

He writes thus...

God has given me the gift of teaching. When I teach I feel God speaking through me. I can find so much to teach about in the Bible. It is the book of life that I live by, and the best book ever written. It has a lot of great advice in it.

This simple paragraph gives me hope because it speaks of my son's passion, of his confidence in the Lord and in Scripture, and in God's provision for his life's work. It helps me believe that despite any disabilities, God will use my son for His glory. Indeed, he already is.

2 Peter 1:3 His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence,

The One Thing You'll Never Regret

Romans 11:36 For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen.

Do you worry about the future and what it holds for your children?

As a mother I have legitimate reason to worry about my children, but I try not to. When the waves of despair threaten me, I do a stubborn about-face and go in search of joy, instead.

God is too powerful, too gracious, too faithful, for me to fret. I know it's a sin, besides.

But the signs are all there. Signs of series mental illness in more than one of my children. One, who previously wasn't a source of much worry, is displaying early bipolar signs.

It's hard not to feel terror when I assess the situation and see the tell-tale signs.

That's one side of my life circumstances.

The other is this: my children delight me with their love, their sibling relationships, their unique intelligences, their sweetness, their evangelistic efforts with more and more neighbor children.

I see their gifts, their huge hearts, their worship of the Savior, and I'm overjoyed.

Life is like that...like a teeter-totter. On the one hand is immense joy, and on the other hand, intense sorrow.

When I'm at my best spiritually I know the Lord's holding it all in balance; there isn't a single detail he's going to forget about, or fail to cover for in his ultimate plan.

I don't have a crystal ball to see the adult outcome for my affected children, whether it's missionary work, a lucrative self-employment, a professorship, or even a subsidized apartment on disability. Success or failure, I can't predict. The statistics don't help me, because the mentally ill can get by fine, or they can falter, crash and burn.

I have no control at all. We're stubborn and sorely mistaken when we insist we yet wield some control over the future.

So much happens to the adolescent brain and my little girls may not escape something mental themselves. Mental illness can get worse or first appear around that time, and usually persists for a lifetime, at great cost to loved ones and to the sufferers.

I've learned to do the only thing I can do--I spend an inordinate amount of time pointing my children to Jesus, the Healer.

Maybe you don't have these concerns with your own children. Maybe everything about their futures looks promising.

Still, you don't have any control either. I highly recommend spending an inordinate amount of time pointing them to the Savior. 

It's the one thing you'll never regret.

Or the one thing you'll wish you'd done.

If it's the former in your case, your child's life will reflect His glory. His glory with eclipse any pain, suffering, or sadness. And let me tell you...these aren't just some soothing words on a screen. They're my reality.

He. is. faithful. Hallelujah.

Hebrews 1:3 He is the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of his nature, and he upholds the universe by the word of his power. After making purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high...