I picked up a good literary article from Amy's Humble Musings. It discusses the relationships between a writer and himself, and between the writer and his audience, emphasizing that writing is a very personal act in which the author's disorganized thoughts miraculously organize themselves on paper (or on keyboard, as the case may be.)
I loved the article. I also loved the confirmation about what my own writing must be. My own. The value of writing is in the gift it gives the writer--clarification of thought. Sometimes, that gift of clarified thought blesses others, as well. More often it does not, which is why most writers don't make a living from their craft. The moment an author starts writing for an audience, authenticity is lost. And with that authenticity, value.
This is not to say that if you have a magazine writing gig, or other commercial gig, that you can't still manage authentic writing. If you have a passion for your topic, you can.
Friday, June 11, 2010
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
creating from scratch, and other musings
Things currently blessing me, and some random musings:
- Kiddos and I made our first homemade (from scratch) chocolate cake. You'll never eat a boxed cake again! Try homemade. Really. It is so easy. Faster than a batch of cookies. Any old recipe will do. We used a recipe called "Basic Chocolate Cake". We love recipes that have the word "basic" in them. "Basic" works well when you have eight little hands helping.
Best part about the cake? I was depressed (hormonal onslaught already upon me again) for half the day. (Yes, I realize that my mentioning "hormonal onslaught" every month means my blog will not grow in readership. Besides, to grow a famous blog you have to (A) be funny (B) never whine unless you're only joking about whining, and (C) take a picture of a really hunky, Wrangler-Jean clad hiney, and make it real prominent like, on your sidebar.)
Let me just say, if posting my husband's hiney in some Wranglers would get me invited on a Compassion International sponsorship mission trip, I would do it. I really want to go. Ann Voskamp is going in Sept. to Guatemala. Ann is quite famous as a blogger. And, true, she is decidedly not funny. But she is so exceptional in every literary sense, they invited her anyway. I can't wait to read her beautiful, inspiring words--about abject poverty, no less!
Since I am too lazy to go through my posts and replace is, are, was, were, and been with beefy, colorful verbs, I will never be exceptional. But at least I'll be sane. Stream-of-consciousness blogging keeps me sane.
And so....about that cake. I discovered that throwing myself into a creation really helped with the depression. I'm learning why so many people enjoy cooking. Some, of course, just love food. I'm an eat-to-live type person, so for me it isn't the food. It is the act of creating something from nothing. Another perk is that my creations bless my family. Okay. Usually, they bless my family. I still make soggy or burnt fruit crisps, to my utter frustration. I finally own a pastry cutter, so maybe that's the ticket.
Now, if I can only get a sifter. Cakes, I learned, require a sifter. But guess what? Shhh. Don't tell. My cake turned out quite delicious without one. But I'm generally a rule follower, so I'll probably get one.
A note about creating. I am not crafty. I do not sew, knit, paint, draw, make hanging wreaths, do needle point, or crochet. I don't dislike them. I just wasn't taught, and have no time to take lessons. So, cooking is my creative thing now. We have to eat. And following recipes isn't all that hard. Once you learn to read through the entire recipe first. Before jumping in.
- It's 11:22 p.m. and my baby hasn't awoken. Yet.
- When you make a chocolate cake, you can say to your witching-hour-affected sweeties: "If I don't get cooperation during __________, you will not get a piece of the cake tomorrow. For as long as the cake lasts, you can say it every night. Works like a charm, I tell ya.
- I love nursing. Love it! But when my nurslings reach eighteen months, they pick at my moles while they nurse. Ouch. Can't they find some other comfort fixation, while they partake? This is no small problem. If you have a perfectly moleless torso, I congratulate you. Toddler nursing will delight you. I highly recommend it, either way.
And that said, I just now hear my little sweety (mole picker that she is).
Sweet dreams, friends!
- Kiddos and I made our first homemade (from scratch) chocolate cake. You'll never eat a boxed cake again! Try homemade. Really. It is so easy. Faster than a batch of cookies. Any old recipe will do. We used a recipe called "Basic Chocolate Cake". We love recipes that have the word "basic" in them. "Basic" works well when you have eight little hands helping.
Best part about the cake? I was depressed (hormonal onslaught already upon me again) for half the day. (Yes, I realize that my mentioning "hormonal onslaught" every month means my blog will not grow in readership. Besides, to grow a famous blog you have to (A) be funny (B) never whine unless you're only joking about whining, and (C) take a picture of a really hunky, Wrangler-Jean clad hiney, and make it real prominent like, on your sidebar.)
Let me just say, if posting my husband's hiney in some Wranglers would get me invited on a Compassion International sponsorship mission trip, I would do it. I really want to go. Ann Voskamp is going in Sept. to Guatemala. Ann is quite famous as a blogger. And, true, she is decidedly not funny. But she is so exceptional in every literary sense, they invited her anyway. I can't wait to read her beautiful, inspiring words--about abject poverty, no less!
Since I am too lazy to go through my posts and replace is, are, was, were, and been with beefy, colorful verbs, I will never be exceptional. But at least I'll be sane. Stream-of-consciousness blogging keeps me sane.
And so....about that cake. I discovered that throwing myself into a creation really helped with the depression. I'm learning why so many people enjoy cooking. Some, of course, just love food. I'm an eat-to-live type person, so for me it isn't the food. It is the act of creating something from nothing. Another perk is that my creations bless my family. Okay. Usually, they bless my family. I still make soggy or burnt fruit crisps, to my utter frustration. I finally own a pastry cutter, so maybe that's the ticket.
Now, if I can only get a sifter. Cakes, I learned, require a sifter. But guess what? Shhh. Don't tell. My cake turned out quite delicious without one. But I'm generally a rule follower, so I'll probably get one.
A note about creating. I am not crafty. I do not sew, knit, paint, draw, make hanging wreaths, do needle point, or crochet. I don't dislike them. I just wasn't taught, and have no time to take lessons. So, cooking is my creative thing now. We have to eat. And following recipes isn't all that hard. Once you learn to read through the entire recipe first. Before jumping in.
- It's 11:22 p.m. and my baby hasn't awoken. Yet.
- When you make a chocolate cake, you can say to your witching-hour-affected sweeties: "If I don't get cooperation during __________, you will not get a piece of the cake tomorrow. For as long as the cake lasts, you can say it every night. Works like a charm, I tell ya.
- I love nursing. Love it! But when my nurslings reach eighteen months, they pick at my moles while they nurse. Ouch. Can't they find some other comfort fixation, while they partake? This is no small problem. If you have a perfectly moleless torso, I congratulate you. Toddler nursing will delight you. I highly recommend it, either way.
And that said, I just now hear my little sweety (mole picker that she is).
Sweet dreams, friends!
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
flesh-and-blood comforters
Random musings, probably poorly written and poorly organized, and in no particular order:
I've scratched my head at some behavior issues recently, going over possible solutions in my rare quiet moments. My conclusion? I am the problem. Beth's teething and sleeping issues have changed my parenting. Survival mode crept in, and certainly not with my permission. A stressed, depleted Momma unsettles her children. And unsettled children make more mistakes, much like a depleted Momma does.
Grace.
In times like these, we learn to pour it out generously. And not because we are Holy.
Grace flows out of our own failures....out of our weaknesses.
Think about it. Highly successful go-getter types? They think they're hot stuff.......think they have all the answers.....judge others harshly.
As much as I hate failing, I'll gladly take it over puffed-up pride. Hurray for failure! Hallelujah!
Yes, I'm a bit off the deep end.
Anyhow.
I started nursing my overtired, teething baby to sleep, at 6:45 p.m. At 7:30 p.m. she finally drifted off. Only to wake up again an hour later. I nursed her back to sleep, which took fifteen minutes. An hour later, up again. I nursed her back to sleep. Another hour, another wake up. I nursed her again.
It's been like this for about two weeks, with a worsening in the last 48 hours. It's definitely the teething. The boys seemed to teethe effortlessly, but both my girls struggled.
Some of this time, I've been guilty of an unattractive, internal whine. "What's the meaning of this! I have enough stress to manage. Can't one thing go right?"
But the more she woke up each day, the more I softened. I yielded my agenda, my wants, far easier after the fourth wake up. Whatever, said I. The dishes might not get done tonight. School prep is a loss. School itself might not get entirely finished today. (Naps have been horrible too). That load of towels might stink from being in the washer too long. I'll have to run them again. Tomorrow morning probably won't be smooth.
Legacy-leaving parenting requires that we deny ourselves--our agendas--day in and day out. That is so hard for us. Often God has to force us to deny ourselves. That is what colic and teething are about, as well as a host of other parenting issues. Baby is whiny and needy? Use the extra time with her to pray over her. For her future husband, for her in-laws, for her fertility, her purity, for her children, for her teenage years.
If something isn't going well in my parenting, I know now to ask myself.....have I been selfish? Have I clung to my desires and to my agenda too tightly?
_______________________________________
And another random thing.
I've learned something in the last year that probably seems obvious to most people.
When someone asks you how you are, answer carefully. If you're going through hell on a certain front, keep it to yourself, unless you know for a fact that the person standing across from you has experienced the same hell. Human nature is often to give shallow advice, find fault, or wonder what is "wrong" with the suffering person. When you truly need support and understanding, pray that God strategically places the right flesh-and-blood person in your midst.
And know that you will be that flesh-and-blood person for someone else, someday. Be ready to let the grace, and the comfort, flow.
Dear Paula, thank you! You've been that flesh-and-blood comforter.
Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort;
Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.
I've scratched my head at some behavior issues recently, going over possible solutions in my rare quiet moments. My conclusion? I am the problem. Beth's teething and sleeping issues have changed my parenting. Survival mode crept in, and certainly not with my permission. A stressed, depleted Momma unsettles her children. And unsettled children make more mistakes, much like a depleted Momma does.
Grace.
In times like these, we learn to pour it out generously. And not because we are Holy.
Grace flows out of our own failures....out of our weaknesses.
Think about it. Highly successful go-getter types? They think they're hot stuff.......think they have all the answers.....judge others harshly.
As much as I hate failing, I'll gladly take it over puffed-up pride. Hurray for failure! Hallelujah!
Yes, I'm a bit off the deep end.
Anyhow.
I started nursing my overtired, teething baby to sleep, at 6:45 p.m. At 7:30 p.m. she finally drifted off. Only to wake up again an hour later. I nursed her back to sleep, which took fifteen minutes. An hour later, up again. I nursed her back to sleep. Another hour, another wake up. I nursed her again.
It's been like this for about two weeks, with a worsening in the last 48 hours. It's definitely the teething. The boys seemed to teethe effortlessly, but both my girls struggled.
Some of this time, I've been guilty of an unattractive, internal whine. "What's the meaning of this! I have enough stress to manage. Can't one thing go right?"
But the more she woke up each day, the more I softened. I yielded my agenda, my wants, far easier after the fourth wake up. Whatever, said I. The dishes might not get done tonight. School prep is a loss. School itself might not get entirely finished today. (Naps have been horrible too). That load of towels might stink from being in the washer too long. I'll have to run them again. Tomorrow morning probably won't be smooth.
Legacy-leaving parenting requires that we deny ourselves--our agendas--day in and day out. That is so hard for us. Often God has to force us to deny ourselves. That is what colic and teething are about, as well as a host of other parenting issues. Baby is whiny and needy? Use the extra time with her to pray over her. For her future husband, for her in-laws, for her fertility, her purity, for her children, for her teenage years.
If something isn't going well in my parenting, I know now to ask myself.....have I been selfish? Have I clung to my desires and to my agenda too tightly?
_______________________________________
And another random thing.
I've learned something in the last year that probably seems obvious to most people.
When someone asks you how you are, answer carefully. If you're going through hell on a certain front, keep it to yourself, unless you know for a fact that the person standing across from you has experienced the same hell. Human nature is often to give shallow advice, find fault, or wonder what is "wrong" with the suffering person. When you truly need support and understanding, pray that God strategically places the right flesh-and-blood person in your midst.
And know that you will be that flesh-and-blood person for someone else, someday. Be ready to let the grace, and the comfort, flow.
Dear Paula, thank you! You've been that flesh-and-blood comforter.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (King James Version)
Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort;
Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Rest Well, Momma
Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord guards the city, the guard keeps watch in vain. It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives sleep to his beloved. (Psalm 127:1-2)
Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. (Isaiah 40:28-31)
So beautiful they are! My blessings. When looking at photos, one can scarcely imagine how much hard work these sweeties are. Someday I'll be sitting in an easy chair at 6:45 p.m. Dishes done. House clean. Laundry folded and put away. I'll be ready to enjoy a novel, or look at family photos.
Staring at the photos then, I won't remember the hard work that preceded and followed each frame. I'll just remember my delight at being their Momma. And I'll wish they were back under my roof, taking up all my time and energy.
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. (Matthew 11: 28-31)
The Geo Trac is making a comeback recently. They created this today, all cooperative and sweet like with each other. Have to capture these moments, when their togetherness, their siblingness, blesses them more than they realize.
It was horribly humid, so I said yes to the sprinkler, even though the temperature was in the mid-seventies. They promptly got a torrential downpour from God, so they turned off the sprinkler. They are shivering in this pic. The three drippies, I called them. Totally soaked.
Abide in me as I abide in you. Just as the branch cannot bear fruit by itself unless it abides in the vine, neither can you unless you abide in me. I am the vine, you are the branches. Those who abide in me and I in them bear much fruit, because apart from me you can do nothing. If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask for whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in his love. (John 15:4-5,7,10)
She rarely plays with dolls, though here she is carrying baby in a sling.
Every Saturday night is pancake night. Pancakes are a piece of heaven, don't you know. They're made from scratch, mostly by the eight-year-old chef, who has practically memorized the recipe. It amazes me how just the routine of certain meals on certain nights lends joy and order and anticipation to a child's life.
Well Lord, I am blessed. Poured out. Tired out. Not understanding your plan, what with the ADHD for son and husband, and the financial stress that never ends. But nevertheless, I say I am blessed. And I am. Even though things remain undone tonight, I will choose sleep. And I will rest well, knowing you are Sovereign.
It rained buckets today. This was taken last weekend--no blue skies since. We hope the pepper and tomato plants survive the flood.
We are trying so hard to raise these kids! There are days, like today, when every ounce of me has been poured out. Come bathtime, I am empty. The emotional fatigue hit a new high lately; my baby has been the worst sleeper for the last two weeks. Two incisor teeth are coming in, with the other two fast on their heals. When the active toddler in your midst suddenly stops sleeping, life feels like a marathon, no matter how blessed you are in every moment.
And bedtime prep, at which time Mommy is empty? It brings some of the most annoying behavior. Like the bathroom floor getting soaked by splashes, yet again. Like the baby who flails in anger while I wrestle her out of the tub and into a diaper. Like the boys who giggle, waste time, misplace the pajamas they brought out, beg for snacks and drinks, wrestle at inopportune moments.
If I were a good parent, I would crack jokes, make light, play footsie games, during all these escapades. Just my good cheer would distract them from their naughtiness. But a good parent I am not. Past 6:30 p.m. I don't know what humor is when I walk into a soaked bathroom at 6:45 p.m.
Thank God for storytime: I am good at that.
"Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain." Somehow the children get tucked in feeling loved and nurtured, eighty percent of the time, despite my emptiness. When I really think about that, it is amazing. So often God takes over and I don't even realize it, until I have a moment to acknowledge my emptiness.
All four children woke up after tuck-in time tonight. At different times. Just as I was beginning to unwind, again.
I did not come unglued, though I was raging inside.
Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. (Isaiah 40:28-31)
So beautiful they are! My blessings. When looking at photos, one can scarcely imagine how much hard work these sweeties are. Someday I'll be sitting in an easy chair at 6:45 p.m. Dishes done. House clean. Laundry folded and put away. I'll be ready to enjoy a novel, or look at family photos.
Staring at the photos then, I won't remember the hard work that preceded and followed each frame. I'll just remember my delight at being their Momma. And I'll wish they were back under my roof, taking up all my time and energy.
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. (Matthew 11: 28-31)
The Geo Trac is making a comeback recently. They created this today, all cooperative and sweet like with each other. Have to capture these moments, when their togetherness, their siblingness, blesses them more than they realize.
It was horribly humid, so I said yes to the sprinkler, even though the temperature was in the mid-seventies. They promptly got a torrential downpour from God, so they turned off the sprinkler. They are shivering in this pic. The three drippies, I called them. Totally soaked.
Abide in me as I abide in you. Just as the branch cannot bear fruit by itself unless it abides in the vine, neither can you unless you abide in me. I am the vine, you are the branches. Those who abide in me and I in them bear much fruit, because apart from me you can do nothing. If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask for whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in his love. (John 15:4-5,7,10)
She rarely plays with dolls, though here she is carrying baby in a sling.
Well Lord, I am blessed. Poured out. Tired out. Not understanding your plan, what with the ADHD for son and husband, and the financial stress that never ends. But nevertheless, I say I am blessed. And I am. Even though things remain undone tonight, I will choose sleep. And I will rest well, knowing you are Sovereign.
notes and tidbits
Did you notice Mommy Missionary's series of posts lately? A pastor's wife and mom of five, she battled depression in recent months. Her series of posts detail what God taught her in the midst of struggle.
A Long Time Coming, Part One
A Long Time Coming, Part Two
A Long Time Coming, Part Three (Details how her marriage suffered, and how God redeemed it.)
A Long Time Coming, Part Four
I especially liked this quote below, featured in her fourth post. My husband is seriously discouraged right now, and I was so happy to read this today. I will print it out and put in on the bathroom mirror for him, to see when he gets home in the wee hours tonight.
____________________________
My social studies and science planning is going smoother than anticipated (this week anyhow).
No hives for Paul this evening.
We have peppers and tomatoes already planted, and weather permitting, we'll do the rest of the planting this weekend. Thunder and lightening abound lately--and mosquitoes, which are particularly abundant during humid weather. They attack Paul and me viciously, while the others seem to largely escape the blood-thirsty rampage.
By far though, the worst mosquitoes I've experienced were in Yosemite Valley in early June, 2000. What a hot, miserable bite fest, beautiful though it was! Just a few hours later we were in the Yosemite mountains with snow on the ground and no mosquitoes in sight. What a variance in scenery there! A truly beautiful place.
That same trip, we camped at Mount Lassen in northern CA. Beautiful, snow-capped volcano territory. Breathtaking views. My best hike ever occurred there, even though we got lost in the snow and feared we'd be spending the night with the bears (Or was it the mountain lions? Can't remember now. No, we didn't see any. And yes, we made it back to camp. And no, there was no wild love making on that hike. It was beautiful for other reasons :) ).
That was our first anniversary trip. How carefree we were! And how blessed and busy now, with our active brood. When children come early in a marriage, you really have to hang on to those romance-rich memories. It's a long season before similar ones can be made--especially if no family is around to take the reins for a couple days (or even for a couple hours).
Anyhow, have a nice weekend, friends!
A Long Time Coming, Part One
A Long Time Coming, Part Two
A Long Time Coming, Part Three (Details how her marriage suffered, and how God redeemed it.)
A Long Time Coming, Part Four
I especially liked this quote below, featured in her fourth post. My husband is seriously discouraged right now, and I was so happy to read this today. I will print it out and put in on the bathroom mirror for him, to see when he gets home in the wee hours tonight.
“The celebrated Scottish preacher, James Stewart, made a statement that is also challenging:‘It is always upon human weakness and humiliation, not human strength and confidence, that God chooses to build His Kingdom; and that He can use us not merely in spite of our ordinariness and helplessness and disqualifying infirmities, but precisely because of them.’
That’s a thrilling discovery to make. It transforms our mental attitude toward our circumstances. Let’s pause long enough here to consider this principle in all seriousness. Your humiliations, your struggles, your battles, your weaknesses, even your so-called “disqualifying” infirmities are precisely what make you effective. I would go further and say they represent the stuff of greatness. Once you are convinced of your own weakness and no longer trying to hide it, you embrace the power of Christ.”Paul, Charles Swindoll page 241
____________________________
My social studies and science planning is going smoother than anticipated (this week anyhow).
No hives for Paul this evening.
We have peppers and tomatoes already planted, and weather permitting, we'll do the rest of the planting this weekend. Thunder and lightening abound lately--and mosquitoes, which are particularly abundant during humid weather. They attack Paul and me viciously, while the others seem to largely escape the blood-thirsty rampage.
By far though, the worst mosquitoes I've experienced were in Yosemite Valley in early June, 2000. What a hot, miserable bite fest, beautiful though it was! Just a few hours later we were in the Yosemite mountains with snow on the ground and no mosquitoes in sight. What a variance in scenery there! A truly beautiful place.
That same trip, we camped at Mount Lassen in northern CA. Beautiful, snow-capped volcano territory. Breathtaking views. My best hike ever occurred there, even though we got lost in the snow and feared we'd be spending the night with the bears (Or was it the mountain lions? Can't remember now. No, we didn't see any. And yes, we made it back to camp. And no, there was no wild love making on that hike. It was beautiful for other reasons :) ).
That was our first anniversary trip. How carefree we were! And how blessed and busy now, with our active brood. When children come early in a marriage, you really have to hang on to those romance-rich memories. It's a long season before similar ones can be made--especially if no family is around to take the reins for a couple days (or even for a couple hours).
Anyhow, have a nice weekend, friends!
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