Family Prayer Time

I'm experimenting with writing in bulk more, and pre-scheduling posts to publish at 8:00 AM in the mornings, so that I take a computer break on the same day the children do--leaving the computer off completely on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays.  I'm not sure the post-scheduling Blogger feature is working properly this week though.  Hopefully, this entry will post Thursday at 8:00 AM.
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I pray with my children....

...before each meal.
...before a special event.
...when someone expresses a fear.
...when someone complains of a physical ache.
...when our day is going poorly--as in, I'm pulling my hair out!
...when I tuck each child in at night.

Different times in our parenting years, we've tried structured family prayer time.  It works quite well when just Mommy, Daddy, and the two boys are present.  During those times we used the ACTS acronym, with Daddy opening the prayer, followed by each person contributing something as we go through each part separately (Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, Supplication).

Put the girls in the mix and things always fell apart--very little actual praying, much irritation, some tears.

Now that Beth is two and Mary is four, both girls will color, draw, or paint at a table long enough for us to have reasonably-structured corporate prayer. Mommy and Daddy are still a bit frazzled, but God is honored and everyone participates. Afterwards, we all feel great.  Rejuvenated.  Confident.

The only problem is, Daddy is absent from our home most of the time.  That leaves me filling in the gap, seventy percent of the time.

Recently, I came up with a plan--or rather, God put a plan in my head.  And it's working!  Let me first say, I do believe God loves any family attempt at corporate prayer.  And shame on us for not doing it consistently!

But this Momma needed some way to make it saner, so this is what we've been doing:

The kids and I all have notebooks in front of us at the dining room table--yes, including the two girls.  We make three columns on our page--one for thanks, one for people, one for things.

The boys and I make at least two entries under each column.  Mary, age four, dictates her prayer requests to me, and I write them in her columns. She then colors, draws or paints on another piece of paper, until it's her turn to pray.  I just verbally remind her of her requests, when her turn comes.

Beth, age two, just scribbles on her notebook page.  When it's her turn to pray, she bows, folds her hands, and says whatever, and we understand a portion of it.  God gets every word, though, and that's all that matters!  :) She's happy to do it.  If she's too wiggly or screams to get out of her booster before we're done, I give her some coveted food to munch on, like cheese.  (Yes, I'm shameful that way.)

Peter, who sound spells and cares about ideas, writes a lot.  Paul, a perfectionist, spends way too much time making his list--worrying about the spelling, penmanship, and grammar, despite my insisting that these are lists, not sentences.  I've learned that Paul needs to start his "lists" before the two year old is called to the table.  She doesn't have the patience for long writing sessions.

Once everyone has at least two entries in each column, I open the prayer and we go around the table, taking turns talking to Jesus about the two or more things on our page, from the column we're on.  Because there are three columns, we go around the table three times.  Then, Momma or a volunteer closes the prayer.

I love it!  And in the future, I look forward to adding more columns, starting with one for confession.

We date our entries and draw a line under them, so that the same page can be used the next day, if there's room.  When a prayer has been answered, we'll circle it on our page.  Later, when we have some things circled, we'll do a brief "praises" component, in which we tell everyone how God answered yes.

On the days Daddy can participate, he both opens and closes the prayer. And as our spiritual leader, my husband also reads from the Bible after the breakfasts he's here for.  Also, two nights a week, he arrives home just after the boys' tuck-in time, and prays with them (around 9:15 p.m.).

Studies show that children will take these spiritual practices with them, through life, if the man of the home leads them.  The same goes for church attendance.  Husband and I are cognizant that my solo contribution doesn't yield as much fruit, but my leading seventy percent of the time, and husband leading thirty percent of the time, seems better than the children only participating in these spiritual practices a couple days per week, when husband is available for leadership.

The best spiritual yield for children, studies suggest, is when both Mom and Dad are present for church services, and for home spiritual practices. This article helps illustrate the importance of Dad's spiritual leadership.

Here are some prayer entries from my nine year old, from earlier today:
Thanks column:  for pretty snow, sledding, trees
People column:  for salvation for Richard and Elizabeth, Grandma and Grandpa, Elena's family
Things column:  for a hermit crab, for caterpillars this year, for bullfrogs

My seven year old prayed....
Thanks column:  for my high score in multiplication, that Peter played a board game with me
People column:  for Peter to read without OCD problem, to heal Mommy's headaches
Things column:  for warmer weather, for pretty birds

My four year old prayed...
Thanks column:  for Aunt Lorrie, sailboats, water, Mommy, Peter
People column:   for Beth to be good, for Peter to be good
Things column:  for a new soccer ball, for a clothesline

After the lists are made, the prayer part only takes about 10 minutes.

Matthew 18:20 

For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.

learning styles

I wanted to include some quick notes about learning styles, as a post script to my Leapfrog Twist and Shout Multiplication post.

Three learning styles have been identified:  visual (seeing), auditory (hearing), and tactile-kinesthetic (doing)

If you are unsure of your style, or of your child's style, check out this learning styles quiz.

- Unless a learning disability is present, all of us can learn through any style.  However, it's far easier to learn when information is presented in our dominant style.

- We are born with a dominant style, which emerges after the preschool years.

- There is frequent overlap in learning styles (for some people more than others).

- As young children, we are all tactile-kinesthetic learners, which is why preschool should be unstructured and hands-on.

- Visual learners make up 65% of the population.

- Auditory learners make up 30% of the population.

- Tactile-kinesthetic learners make up 5% of the population.

twist and shout multiplication/auditory learners

Just ordered this Leapfrog Twist and Shout Multiplication, for multiplication fact memorizing (and some division).  Seems like the perfect thing for auditory learners!  Anyone have one at home?

children and chores--what's working

I've seen many posts on managing children's chores, and plenty of pre-made charts and gadgets advertised to make it all easier.  The money was never there to invest in these things, and I never found the time to make anything permanent or durable.

We've tried different lists over the past few years, including paid chores and unpaid chores.  But each time, life with littles undermined consistency.

Still, the boys have made their beds and put their dirty clothes in the hamper for the past two years.  But guess what?  They still need reminding some days; it isn't automatic yet!  For that matter, flushing the toilet and washing hands afterwards isn't consistent yet either.  I've found that teaching boys hygiene and personal chores is quite the endeavor!

Rather than try another list of pre-set chores, I decided to retain just the two unpaid bed and hamper chores, and add others as needed, for the opportunity to make money.  There are times I really need help with different things, like right now.  I want a system that works for me.

My boys will have the burden of supporting their families someday.  To prepare them, we need to teach them to exert themselves, even when they don't feel like it.  They need to have a yes attitude toward opportunities for work.

And my girls too, for that matter.  Caring for a home and family is hard work, starting right after the honeymoon.  The pressure on a wife is not as burdensome as that on a husband--nobody forecloses on your home if you fail to clean it properly--but her work ethic needs to be strong.  She can't eat the bread of idleness and still hope to bless her family.

After the fall in the Garden of Eden, God made work the main theme of our lives.  Children should enjoy their childhood's, true, but we can't shield them from what real life entails: work!

These thoughts swirling in my head, I decided to try something new.  I put a piece of plain white paper on the fridge with a column for each of the three older children.  When a need arose, I asked who wanted to do the chore, and I gave my offering price. If more than one child responded, I split the money--only crediting children who did a nice share of the work, without complaining.

Each time a chore was completed, I listed the date, chore and the money due, on that child's column.  No one has been paid yet because I don't carry money--just my bank card!  At the end of each month, I'll make sure I have the dough in hand, ready for pay day.

Here is what the chart looks like right now:

Paul, age 7
2/6, inside windows, $2.50
2/7, folding pajamas, whole family, $.35
2/9, checking mail in snow, $.10 (I don't pay for this chore if the weather is good.)
2/10, vacuum living room, $.15
2/18, clean yard, $1.00
2/19, help with Beth, $.10
2/22, clean whole playroom, $.20

Peter, age 9
2/14, fold towels, $.15
2/19, fold towels, $.15
2/20, vacuum playroom, $.10
2/22, vacuum hall, entry way, living room, $.20

Mary, age 4
2/15, put sleds away, $.10
2/18, help clean yard, $1.00
2/20, help clean up Legos sister dumped, $.05
2/22, help clean playroom, $.10

As you can see, Peter and Mary got into the game later than Paul.  It impressed them that brother was earning so much money, so they decided to exert themselves.

In fact, Peter decided to let Momma know he was open for business.  He made up a cardboard sign yesterday, with an open and closed flap taped to the bottom:

Get vacuming, folding, clening windos, garuding (gardening), clening rooms dun here.

Prise list: 

folding 10 cents
clening rooms 50 cents
gardening 25 cents
vacuming 25 cents
clening windos 10 cents 

Every time I pass his sign, I smile and want to squeeze him.  So cute!  (Except that we just reviewed done last week as a sight word, and I thought he mastered it.  For some reason he can spell them orally, better than on paper.)

I'm having fun with this system, and I'm impressed with their developing work ethics.  No more nagging or complaining!  As far as the money goes, well....I know that is controversial.  My conscience is at peace with this.

Another thing they must learn about is money management.  Learning to put aside 10% for church tithe and 5% for savings will serve them well in the years to come.

 

 

 

elementary literary choices

I stumbled across this 1000 good books list while reading a review of a Jigsaw Jones mystery.  I perused the list for elementary 4-6 and was very impressed with the thought and effort put into the compilation of this resource, offered by a group of 25 homeschooling mothers.  It's well worth your time to click over there.

Also, you might find this site useful, which levels children's books for you with just a title.  Just mark the parent box at the front page, and then on the next page you type the title of the book, or the title of the book series.  It brought up the whole series when I typed "Jigsaw Jones Mysteries".  BL stands for book level.

Keep in mind that if a book is within your child's interest level, it could be anywhere from several months below grade level to a year or so above grade level.  As long as kids are reading a good portion of their material at or above their grade level, a few lower books aren't going to matter.  The bulk of a student's new vocabulary words come from your read alouds, which should be two grade levels above your child's reading level, or higher, depending on interest level.  Never abandon the read alouds!  They work to increase vocabulary even in high school students.

Now, about that Jigsaw Jones mystery review I searched for.  Here is an excerpt from it, relating to one of the books:

The first thing I didn’t like about it was the use of the word, “Yeesh,” throughout the book by the main character. This was just part of a slightly bad attitude that showed towards his teacher. After the teacher reads a couple love poems, the main character thinks, “Give me a break, I mean who talks like that anyway? Yeesh.”

 I want to instill a love and respect for Shakespearean literature in my children. This book is counterproductive to that end.

Further, the teacher instructed the class to write their own love poems. The character thought, “Me? Write a mushy, gushy love poem? Oh brother.” I want my children to do what their teacher says and I want them to do it cheerfully with a good attitude.

I looked for reviews because I brought home four Jigsaw Jones mysteries from our library, hoping to move Peter beyond this OCD reading slump by offering a faster-paced, shorter book.  While the Boxcar Children are definitely good books, some of them contain slow moving chapters, which can frustrate an afflicted boy struggling to get through text....at least right now.

Some writers are experts at weaving a tale, others are good at structuring sentences or writing dialogue, and still others are good at pacing.  Rarely will you find mastery of all the elements constituting good fiction. When you do find it, it's usually in the later works of a prolific author really interested in the writing craft, and not just the selling market.

I have a unique dilemma with my Peter.  In order for him to approach conventional spelling, I need to use a solid spelling program consisting of sound families and sight word review.  More importantly however, I need him to read a large amount of print.  If he's not seeing the sound families over and over in context, as well as the sight words, his spelling woes will continue.  Isolated spelling lessons aren't enough practice for strong auditory learners, IMHO.

Similarly, a chapter or two a day of required reading isn't going to move him much further either, in terms of spelling mastery.  I need volume from him right now, without pushing it on him.  Without any pressure.

So, can I really deny Peter a fast-paced, enjoyable book--one he'll be glad to devour--just because it contains the word "yeesh"?  Or because the character dislikes love poems?  I wish I could!  I don't adore fluff literature any more than the next mother, but I'm committed to helping my children get hooked on books, for many compelling reasons, as long as their own character isn't compromised.

Junie B. Jones--a character many Christian mothers despise--doesn't offend me because I think the author makes it clear that Junie B. is not to be emulated--she's no hero.  She's so silly and naughty and out of touch, that she's funny in an Amelia Bedelia kind of preposterous way.

I would be bothered by a sassy character my own child was encouraged to emulate or look up to.  Whether that character is the boy from the Jigsaw Jones series or not, I can't tell yet.  I've decided to have Peter read the first book aloud to me (since he's reading aloud anyway, right now), so I can neutralize any less-than-stellar aspects of the characters' personalities.  If by the end of the book I'm not comfortable, we're back to the drawing board.  It seems to me that Peter was affected by this OCD thing for about a month the last time.  If I can just keep him reading through this one....

Hopefully we can go back to the Boxcar series after this.  Since many of that series were written decades ago, the kids are respectful in a Laura Ingalls Wilder kind of way.  Times have indeed changed, and not to the advantage of discerning parents. This whole reading material thing is one very tedious issue!  I love me some picture books!  It was so much simpler when my kids were younger!

It's my responsibility, and my pleasure, to expose my children to great works of literature, but I don't expect them, at ages 7 and 9, to choose only classics for their pleasure reading.  I certainly wasn't choosing Charles Dickens-caliber books when I was nine years old.  In fact, I didn't start reading for pleasure at all until the fourth grade, with my run of Nancy Drew mysteries.  That hooked-on-books miracle helped me excel in school for years to come.  There's no question that reading a lot changes things.

The mother quoted above goes on in her review to make some solid points, to her credit.  She is obviously a very caring mother.