language learning in young children

If you want to pour the magic of books and language into your baby or toddler, you often have to run after her, much like you do to comb her hair. It can be very frustrating, and it's all too easy to just let it go.

We mustn't give up!  They need us to pursue them, in love and with humor, so that essential speaking, reading and writing skills are fostered through early language stimulation.  We commit to this not so we'll produce super-toddlers, but because normal development--reading by six or seven years old--requires that language stimulation start as early as baby and toddlerhood.

Most schools now push kids to read by the end of kindergarten, and I'm not supporting that here.  There's nothing wrong with it for many kids, but boys often need more time, without any pressure.

Most of our own toddlers have been so active, that reading anything at all presented a challenge.  We had to tweak traditional parent-child lap reading to make even one Goodnight Moon reading happen.

Here are some things we've tried, with success:

- read or sing in the car, with the toddler strapped in
- read or sing before, during or after meals, while the toddler is still in the highchair or booster
- read or sing standing next to the crib, so the toddler is free to move a bit in the crib
- try lap reading when toddler is somewhat drowsy, like before or after a nap

Put a basket of books on your table to remind you and your toddler of the fun you can have together.  Grab one while she eats her snacks and meals.  You can also insert Scripture memory index cards in there, for your older kids to work on before or after meals.

If you don't have a supply of board books, buy them at thrift stores and garage sales and use your local library.  Gather lots of books, learn an array of children's songs, and recite traditional nursery rhymes.  Sing and chant when you can't read.  Even if they're only partially listening, it still helps enormously.

If he wants the same book all day long for a month, read it cheerfully. Repetition is how we learn language, which is why so many books and songs for young children feature repeating parts or patterns, such as "Run, run, as fast as you can.  You can't catch me, I'm the gingerbread man!" 


What to gather for babies:

- books that feature pictures to point to and name, like ABC and first-word books (they need to learn the names of all the things in their environment, names of animals, etc.)

- simple lift-the-flap books

- touch and feel books

- simple sing-song rhyme books

- simple nursery rhyme books

What to gather for toddlers and preschoolers:

- pattern books with simple sentences that encourage participation (Brown bear, brown bear, what do you see?)

- repetitive books/songs (This is the House That Jack Built, The Jacket I Wear in the Snow, The Green Grass Grows All Around)

- lots of rhyming books (rhyming can take a few years to master--not as easy as we adults think--but it's essential to beginning reading)

- Dr. Seuss and other books that play with phonics and rhyme (hook, book, crook)

- books with simple plots (preschoolers)

- fairy tales (preschoolers)

- concept books (shapes, colors, numbers, ABC, opposites)

Other media for alphabet learning:

- Leapfrog Fridge Phonics (magnetic letter names and sounds, electronic and fun!) - visual, auditory, tactile

- Richard Scarry's Best ABC Video Ever (or DVD?) (visual and auditory learners)

- Leapfrog Letter Factory Video or DVD (visual and auditory learners)

- wood alphabet puzzles (tactile and visual learners, could be auditory if you say each letter and picture)

A note on speech and language issues:  Keep in mind that age at first speaking is not necessarily indicative of your parenting skills.  Heredity plays a part in language development also.  We've worked hard on language, but we're a family of early walkers, later talkers.  In addition, all my kids have needed assistance with articulating certain sounds, such as the th. I'm currently helping my four-year-old articulate (produce in the mouth) the w, r, and th sounds.  My two-year-old talks plenty, but we understand less than half.  She may need the most help with articulation.

Receptive language refers to how much your child understands, and is more of an indicator of potential problems.  

If receptive language is delayed, a speech pathologist must determine why your child doesn't know more language.  Is the problem a lack of language stimulation dating back to babyhood?  In that case a therapist must work to fill your child with language as quickly as possible.  Or, the problem may be related to a processing disorder--what happens once the language is received by the brain, for example.

Indicators of receptive language are:

- how many words does she know the meaning of

- how many objects can she point to in books (at your prompting)

- how much conversation can she understand and follow

- how many commands can she follow

Expressive language refers to what your child can say, and how well she can produce speech sounds:

- can she ask for what she needs

- can she use two-word phrases by age two

- how well does she articulate (produce in the mouth) what she wants to say

- at age two, a stranger should understand 1/2 of what your child says, without context

- at age three, a stranger should understand 3/4 of what your child says, without context

- at age four, a stranger should understand 4/4 (or everything) your child says, without context

- a speech therapist can determine whether a problem with a certain sound is just developmental--will correct on its own--or whether weekly speech therapy, and corresponding homework, will be needed.  It depends on what the problem is within the mouth, pertaining to the particular sound.   Articulation issues--in the absence of overall language problems--are usually corrected in six months to two years with once a week, short meetings with a therapist, and homework at home.  Articulation problems on their own do not indicate any disorders.

- your school district will evaluate your child and offer services, if needed, starting at age three.  You will need to drive your child to a neighborhood school for the services.

Every child has an individual developmental timetable.  My husband's nephew didn't say a word until age 3, but never needed any speech assistance.  My brother's son was the same--nothing until age 3, and then sentences.  Many famous people didn't talk until far later than average.

All children are different, and it's easy to be alarmed by warning signs that seem to apply to your child.  For example, my Mary didn't say much until 27 months old.  I had her evaluated and was told she had apraxia of speech (fairly serious neuro/motor issue).  I researched it and didn't agree, and I declined speech services for her. She spoke in sentences six weeks later.  Research, but then follow your instincts, is my best advice.

author's corner and Wednesday gratitude

A few weeks ago we finished The Cricket in Times Square (1960, George Seldon).  Previously I gave an incorrect level for this book.  It's leveled at 4.9, not 7th grade.  (4.9 stands for 4th grade, 9th month.)

My Paul and I cried at the end, over the bittersweet parting of the three New York friends, Tucker the Mouse, Harry the Cat, and Chester the Cricket. The story was beloved by all; when we finished the last page, it felt as though a best friend moved away.

The next night we began The Pilgrim's Progress, A Modern Abridgment (valuebooks, 1998 by Barbour Publishing).  Here are interesting facts about Bunyan's famous literary work, from the foreward of the valuebooks version:

The Pilgrim's Progress has been printed, read, and translated more often than any book other than the Bible.  

John Bunyan was born in 1628 in the village of Elstow, England.  His father was a tinker, a lowly occupation. Nevertheless, his father sent him to school, to learn to read and write.

In 1674 Bunyan married an orphan who was a praying Christian.  She led her husband to the Lord, and he was baptized.  Bunyan soon began to preach but was arrested and thrown into prison for preaching without receiving permission from the established church.  He remained there for twelve years, during which time he wrote this book. 

My intention was to read this easier version to the boys--a mere 92 pages--so they would know the story, and then have them listen to an audio version of the book in original verse form, next year, followed in later years by assigning the original as personal reading.  The verse is beautiful, memorable, and a must read, but a little much for their present maturity level.

Halfway through the valuebooks version, however, some of the characters from the allegory scared the boys, especially Peter, so it become problematic reading, especially before bedtime.  For now, we abandoned it.

Next we turned to author William Steig, and his 1976 Newberry Honor masterpiece, Abel's Island (book level 5.9).  Though personally William Steig was a mess, professionally, he was quite the genius.  After a famous run as a cartoonist for The New Yorker magazine, Steig began writing children's books in 1968, at the age of 61.  His most famous literary works include Sylvester and the Magic Pebble, Abel's Island and Doctor De Soto. He also created the character Shrek.


Steig loved the written word, as illustrated by this excerpt from Abel's Island:

Rain caused one to reflect on the shadowed, more poignant parts of life--the inescapable sorrows, the speechless longings, the disappointments, the regrets, the cold miseries.  It also allowed one the leisure to ponder questions unasked in the bustle of brighter days; and if one were snug under a sound roof, as Abel was, one felt somehow mothered, though mothers were nowhere around, and absolved of responsibilities.  Abel had to cherish his dry log. 

At night, when it cleared up, he went out in the wet grass and watched the young moon vanishing behind cloud and reappearing, over and over, like a swimmer out on the sea.  

I love the language, the quality of the writing, the maturity and richness of the storyline.  It isn't just the tale of a high-class mouse lost on a deserted island.  Abel, the main character, changes profoundly during his break from privileged, civilized life.  It's a courageous coming-of-age story--perfect for boys--even though Abel is an adult, already married one year, when the story begins.  We're now halfway through the novel and thoroughly enjoying Steig's genius.

Now for some gratitude!

Wednesday Gratitude:

- For a new GE gas range; that there was money in bank for the stove when we really needed it.  Delivery and hook up happens on Friday.  The kids are more excited than the adults!  The other night I waited one hour for our ancient oven to preheat to 350 degrees for my shepherd's pie.  Dinner was an hour late, consequently.  I called husband and said it was time (we'd waited five years, as it got progressively worse).

- For my first robin sighting.  Spring is in the air, though tonight it will be 11 degrees.

- A nice, down-to-earth, non-commission salesman, telling me just the facts--allowing us to get the best, most inexpensive stove for our needs.

- A Christian husband, strong when I'm not

- Psalms at breakfast

- Little girls praying

- Cuddling through two Curious George stories with my Mary and my Paul.  Love that sweet monkey--and my cuddly kiddos!

- For hard times, so Matthew 6:25-34 comes to life in my heart.

- For being an imperfect mother and knowing it--sending me to my knees for strength, wisdom, agape love

- A humbling life, rather than a privileged one.

- Four healthy--and sometimes unruly--children.

- Boys who love the written word, and sharing it with their Momma.

- An imperfect, very-lined face, further humbling me and reminding me to be gentle and quiet.

- The promise of more wisdom in the coming, riper years.

- For a God who gives me enough information only for today--enough sustenance for today--so I can learn to live in the moment, and not in the tomorrows.

- For the Holy Spirit, who helps me identify my weaknesses day by day--reminding me that only through Him am I refined.

my weaknesses

The unknown steals my peace.  No, it doesn't have to; I realize it's a choice.  Anything that steals my peace holds me in bondage.

My unknowns:  Will husband get a job soon that pays the bills?  How long can we keep our house, under these conditions?  Will my son grow up to be functional?  If we replace our unreliable, ancient gas range, will that money later be needed for the house payment?  If we choose a bottom-of-the-line model, will it need repairs before the warranty runs out?  Why is the water heater working less efficiently?  How long before it goes out?  Will any tax refund money be left, when it does?  What curriculum purchases are absolutely necessary to do an adequate teaching job?  Will we be able to get a second used vehicle this year?  Will our van, driven 200,000 miles, last another year?  How will husband get to work....and the kids to the library and events, if it doesn't?

Sometimes I'm filled with the Spirit and nothing phases me.

Other times, because too many things go wrong at once, I can't keep my eyes on God.  My earthly existence, my earthly troubles, overwhelm.

If I want an abundant life, I must give thanks for these troubles.  Indeed, not only give thanks, but refuse to take them up as mine to solve. 


The other thing that steals my peace is frustration.  When things go awry on the homefront, and there's nothing I can do to prevent it, I fail to relinquish control fast enough, allowing God to steer.

When the two-year-old is tired, or cranky from teething, and kicks me when I change her, I'm apt to take it personally and get angry, rather than stoically deal with it--especially if the other children have been handfuls in the previous hour.

When the nine-year-old is unpredictable, disrespectful, or aggressive, I'm apt to discipline with too many words and too much anger, relinquishing control over to him, rather than maintaining it.

The message to my children?  Mommy is mean.  Mommy doesn't follow what Jesus says.  The same discipline, if delivered with neutrality, does not seem mean, but appropriate.

As a teacher, children told me things that would have horrified their parents, had they known.  I know what children think about yelling, ugly-faced parents.  It isn't pretty.

Yes, they forgive, usually, when we confess right away.  But they never stop wishing we'd be nicer....more controlled.

And worst of all, they grow up remembering the ugly faces, the yelling.

If your kids are still little, you probably don't yell yet.  Maybe you never will.  If you get frequent breaks, you're less likely to ever start yelling.  I didn't yell when I had two kids under four.  It happens later, when they know better but do the wrong things anyway, over and over.  (Kind of like us adults?  Only Jesus doesn't yell at us!)

When it comes to managing out-of-control children, emotion is bad. Stoicism, or rather neutrality, is good.

How do I remain the adult?  The benevolent teacher?  The spirit-filled Christian?

In my flesh, I can't be these things all the time.  How do I avoid frustration and guilt--despite knowing God's grace covers my iniquities?

Dealing with the unknown.  
Sinning in my frustration.

I know my weaknesses.

Dear God, help me give thanks for these weaknesses.  Help me to count them as gifts.  Only then, will I experience victory over their bondage.


Whatsoever draws me closer to God, and further from myself, is a gift.

Now, Our God, We Give You Thanks

Oh, the joy of new cookie sheets!  Small things delight small people.  

I love that.

See that mischievous one on the left there?  She gave me an awful scare yesterday by getting into pure vanilla extract.  Paul had gotten ingredients out for a cake, and I told Peter to watch them while I put a few pajamas away.  I feared Beth would dump the sugar or flour on the floor (or something).  The vanilla extract wasn't on my radar.  

Five minutes later I went out to the kitchen to find Beth on a chair, with vanilla extract spilled down her chin.  I got the poison center number, after having myself a little panic, and learned that she'd probably be fine, but I should watch her for drunkenness.  (Um, what two year old doesn't act a little drunk? They're a goofy lot, to say the least.)  Thankfully we had used about 4 teaspoons of the extract, and there was still half of it left after the scare, so it appears she tried to drink some but it spilled down her chin and little got into her system.  

The spilling down her chin?  That was the grace of God!  Vanilla extract is 70% ethanol by volume. Never before has it been an issue; when the others were little I used store-bought cookies and desserts.  I simply didn't bake much at all.  Whole foods or not, I'm seriously considering buying the fake vanilla extract until Beth is four years old.  In my research, I also learned that nutmeg is dangerous for little ones.  I don't have a locked place to keep spices.  That ingenious Beth can get into any cupboard in the kitchen.  

Here are some facts from justthefactsbaby.com

Baking Hazards

While your kids may love to help out with holiday baking, make sure spices and extracts are kept out of reach. Children can get high from nutmeg and become intoxicated and extremely sick from ethanol-containing products, such as vanilla and almond extracts. Ethanol causes Central Nervous System depression, which can lead to respiratory compromise when ingested. It may also result in dilated pupils, flushed skin, gastrointestinal distress, hypothermia and hypotension. Vanilla extract can be harmful even in small doses, as it contains up to 70 percent ethanol by volume (compared to beer, which contains between two and six percent ethanol). If you suspect your child has helped themselves to vanilla extract, contact your doctor immediately.

When the naughty mother eats too many chocolate baking chips, it's chocolate chocolate-chip cookies, without the chips.  Still good, mind you.

I wish I could say that I eat chocolate chips merely because I love them.....but no.  The truth is I eat them because life with a two year old, delightful though she is, can be exhausting and stressful.  The more she gets into mischief, the more I go to the cupboard to get a few chips.  Lord give me strength!  Or carrots.  The good news is that with her around, I rarely sit down, so chocolate chips don't make me fat.

What will I do when my house is emptied of their art?  I say yes to paint, to the mess, because someday there will be no brilliance like this coloring my walls. (Mary, age 4)

Eventually, we get around to washing hair and bodies.  I will miss bath letters someday, just like the brilliant paintings.

When you go into a closed bedroom to nurse your baby, you never know what the rest of them are concocting.  You just pray they survive your absence.

There will always be God's brilliant colors! 

Blue sky and sunshine after a new snow.  The camera doesn't capture it, but it's beautiful on these bright mornings.

The landscape changed again Sunday night.  All this snow is gone now.  Last night brought 50 degrees and thunderstorms.

Monday Gratitude

- For a book series that has my Peter continuing to read, despite his ongoing OCD issue with the repeating of words and phrases.  The mystery series, Jigsaw Jones, for 2nd and 3rd graders, is wholesome and funny.  I've read four of the series and I'm pleased with them, as are Peter and Paul.  I've laughed out loud and shed tears at the sweetness of the little boy, Jigsaw Jones.  They are fast-paced with good storyweaving.  Mind you, I've not read all of them yet, so I can't vouch for the whole series.  I read four chapters ahead of Peter and then hand the book over to him.  After he's caught up with me, I read four more chapters ahead.  He enjoys sharing the mystery, the jokes, and the smiles with me.

- For the Leapfrog Twist and Shout Multiplication device, purchased from Amazon for $22.  Peter is already making great strides with his facts, after just a few days.  

- For a gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love.

- For the dawning of a new day......for a new opportunity to be the face of Christ to my children.

- Holding husband's hand during church.

- For my children, who always forgive my sins after I confess.  It took me a half hour to fix a toilet tonight.  It made us late for baths, stories, bedtime, and I had myself a little hissy fit, exhausted from frustration. Parental fits stress the children and I always loathe myself afterwards.  Nighttime solo parenting is so hard, but God has blessed me with forgiving children!

- Family bonds strengthened by homeschooling

- Learning, living, working, loving.....together

1 Chronicles 16:8
Give thanks to the LORD, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done.

1 Chronicles 16:34
Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever.

1 Chronicles 29:13
Now, our God, we give you thanks, and praise your glorious name.

my answer

My nine-year-old son is afraid every night.

OCD steals his peace, haunts his dreams, fragments his sleep.

Someone is going to put a spear through my bed.

If he lets his hand dangle on one side of his bed, or too close to the edge, something will come up from under his bed and chop it off.

He's sure someone is lurking in the hallway.  He tries not to look up.

If he doesn't turn over a certain number of times in his bed, something bad will happen.

No.....these aren't the thoughts of a child allowed too much cable TV.

We don't have cable.  And the Mom and Dad here never watch movies--rented or otherwise.  No time.

For six weeks, at his request, I laid down with him until he fell asleep.  It was how I could be the face of Jesus to a hurting boy, afflicted with an ugly disorder.

But I ended up falling asleep in there, finally emerging around 10:20 P.M. most nights, with a groggy body and a slew of chores to do.  It just wasn't working.  My sleep was fragmented by my two year old, as well.  And I had no down time.

Last week I told him I would merely pray, cuddle for a bit, and then leave the room, as I'd done for years.  Most of the nights since then, everything has gone relatively well, thank God.

There are problems in the middle of the night, too.  My husband started sleeping in the spare queen bed, so that when our son awakens at night, scared out of his mind, he would have a place to go that wouldn't involve him waking the baby.

Most nights he ends up with Daddy in the wee hours, sometimes so scared from a dream that he can't fall asleep unless he can touch Daddy's arm or shoulder.

Sometimes he can't fall back asleep because he's uncomfortable, but he fears if he shifts from his spot, a bomb will explode under the bed.

OCD has an ugly, cruel voice.

My sister-in-law, who had a son at age sixteen, told us recently that her son washed his hands incessantly and had horribly scary dreams as well, when he was our son's age.  As a young mother, she wasn't aware of OCD and didn't know to ask questions at the pediatrician's office.  Her son had other peculiarities growing up. He recently sought help, at age 33.  The diagnosis?  OCD and Bi-Polar Disorder.

He is single, lonely, depressed, dysfunctional.  He's never had a girlfriend, though he's always wanted one.  He would like to marry someday, but is terribly scared of dating.  He lacks personal confidence and suffers from social phobia.  He doesn't take his medicine, so he frequently experiences the slumps of Bi-Polar. He does manage to hold onto his job as an auto mechanic.  He's a good one.

My father-in-law, whom I've seen only twice in twelve years, is very peculiar. Since his wife's auto-accident death 36 years ago (husband's mother), he has remained a widower, though not by choice.  His peculiarities point to something neurological. He's estranged from his two kids (my husband and my sister-in-law), by his own choice.  He doesn't answer his phone or open letters, so we check on him via a neighbor.  He's in his mid-eighties.

When my husband and sister-in-law went down to Florida to see their Dad three years ago, after their Dad underwent hip surgery, things went awry with the relationship.  Their father got very upset that Lorrie cleaned his house while he was in the hospital.  It hadn't been cleaned in years.  He suspected she was looking for money, though distrust had never permeated the relationship before, as far as either child could tell.  Other strange things upset him that visit, causing a three-year silence from him.

The other night, my son's fear was great.

And I wasn't the face of Jesus.  I was irritated.  After battling two days of full-day headaches, I couldn't be the face of Jesus to anyone.  I was spent.

He went to sleep finally, after I angrily told him not to come out again.

But I felt horrible.  I wanted a do over.

He didn't choose the cards he's been dealt.  He doesn't know how to make OCD go away.

How will I have enough strength, enough grace, enough agape love, to be the face of Jesus, every day, to this boy--despite whatever else goes wrong in my life?

Everything points to my son having a dysfunctional, unhappy life.  Others before him, of the same blood, haven't faired well.  What makes me think God will spare my own son from the same earthly dysfunction, or worse?

My own husband, afflicted with, as far as I know, just regular inattentive-type ADHD, hasn't led a happy life.  At eighteen, husband was sure God was calling him to the ministry--either a pastoral position or a missionary one. He was so sure.

He spent five years in Bible College and a year in Seminary.  To get by while in school, he worked as a custodian.

Now 52, he still works as a custodian. He's haunted by that fact, every day. What went wrong?  How could he have felt so sure of God's voice, calling him to ministry?

The answer, I know, is to practice gratitude every day, despite how one's life turns out.  Despite deep disappointment, despair.  Despite walking a path not chosen.  Who knows whether certain paths result from our own mistakes, or because God preordained them for us?

When I'm called to comfort those I live with, over things hard to swallow, it's so difficult to say, "You have God and He is enough.  Our salvation is enough.  His grace is enough."

I say different forms of this same thing.  Over and over.  I don't know what else to say.  I don't have any other answers.

My answer may not work at the moment it's given.  Life entails ups and downs, for everyone.  In a deep down time, it sounds like the last thing even a Christian wants to hear.

But when a beautiful woodpecker appears at our feeder, it all makes sense.

In that moment.

The abundant life is lived in moments from God.  They are our grace.

When we give thanks for them, when we identify the moments as gifts from God, they carry us through to that glorious time....

...when Jesus takes our hand, receiving us in Paradise.