Discipling Girls: Are We Teaching Materialism?

When we talk about discipling our girls, we have to deal with an uncomfortable issue.


They copy us.

Our boys merely admire us. They're looking, someday, to find a wife just like us (hopefully we're that admired :)). The mothering stakes are still very high, but the relationship is not about emulation.

Today, we're only discussing materialism.  What wisdom or folly are we passing to our girls about it?

I strongly suspect that modern, first-world girls are waiting longer to marry, partially because of materialism. They either want to have nice things gathered from loot made in their own careers, or in the careers of their husbands. Struggling financially is not romantic...though perhaps it once was.

Having a house, career, husband, and vacations (and kids, for that matter) that are inferior to their friends', seems like hell to them. Materialism feeds off jealousy, greed, comparison, and ignorance.

Non-Christian girls put off marrying for a myriad of reasons, but our Christian girls need not follow suite--especially not because of materialism. For in Christ, we have wisdom; we know storing up treasures in heaven is the goal. Here on earth, we mustn't gather more than we need for our own house. Excess goes to the poor, not to pad our egos.

My own mother, not a Christian, wanted things. She had grown up poor, as one of 10 children in a two-bedroom house. Living similarly as an adult was the last thing she wanted. She had catching up to do.

Despite not marrying rich, she had a ton of clothes. We went through our share of couches, even on a military salary. My mom worked full-time for certain periods, but not when we were overseas. Things made her happy (or so she thought). She compared and felt inferior when she couldn't measure up.

I copied her while I was single, and for a shorter time, while married.

Also not in my money-managing favor? My father gave both my sister and me one hundred dollars a month as pre-teens, rather than raising my mother's child support. I used it for all my "needs". It ruined me, financially. My father, too, had grown up poor, without faith, and believed in things.

I say this not to tear my parents down. They were merely responding to what we all respond to, without the wisdom of the Bible, and without the help of the Holy Spirit. She was a good mother, and he had his moments as a father, but they parented without divine wisdom or prayer.

God did not leave me alone in my sin. By the grace of God, I'm cured! Two-and-a-half years of underemployment, along with Holy Spirit whisperings, have changed me at my core. When I think about who I used to be, I can scarcely believe the change of heart. Praise God! These last years have been my best ever...for they rescued me. I live with new wisdom, new freedom.

Materialism is bondage, like all sin.

As a reformed clothes horse and materialist, I must ask you something.

How many handbags do you have? And shoes? How many changes of clothes? Do you get your nails done....despite the fact that your hands are never pictured on TV?

How often do you feel like a new couch is in order? Or a new dining table? When you get sick of them? Or when they're so worn they belong out on the curb for trash pick-up?

Do you live for dinners out? Regular vacations....not of the thrifty type? Are you always looking for more square footage?

This week at the library, I picked up Organized Simplicity: The Clutter-Free Approach to Intentional Living, by Tsh Oxenrieder of Simple Mom and Simply Living Media. She presents some compelling data on page 20.  In 1950, the square footage of a new, single family home was about 983. In 1970, it was 1,500. In 1990, it was 2,080, and in 2004, it was up to 2,349.

What did Americans do with all that extra square footage? We filled it with things we didn't need, got jobs outside the home, and put our kids in daycare and endless after-school activities, so we could keep up with the Joneses and say it's impossible to live on one income anymore.

Are we happy? Are our marriages intact and healthy? Do we have time to eat real food around the table together? Are we as women empowered and liberated, as we try to make the bills as single, divorced mothers? (80% of second marriages end in divorce.)

My "we" here has a collective meaning only, by the way.

Are we saving and giving? Are we storing up treasures in heaven? Do we believe in the family anymore? What percentage of our households represent a married couple with children, with the man solely supporting the family? Only 7% of American households.

Materialism, spurred on by Satan, (as all deceit is), has ruined America. When I read that unemployment could rise to 50% as the economy recovers from the sin of greed, I don't pass it off as pessimistic. The argument is compelling. Juggling several part-time jobs as the only option, without health benefits, will become more commonplace. Will there be enough part-time jobs to go around? (I don't read the blog linked in this paragraph. I came across the same information somewhere else, but I couldn't find the first link)

If our faith doesn't set us right, the economy will. Life must change in America and in other first-world nations. I (halfway) welcome the hard lessons. The foundation of our country will ultimately strengthen as a result.

As mothers, let's take inventory of our hearts. Where do we store our treasure? What are we teaching our daughters? What is our definition of enough? Is it the same as God's?

It needs to be.

Do you remember this post about enough, from the Living Proof Ministries Blog? A powerful read. A paradigm shift we need to read and reread, every time we want more.

photo credit

Men and Women Are Different, By Design

Paul dreaded it. The pain last time? Memorable.

When I mentioned it yesterday, he admitted he'd hoped I'd forgotten. "I hoped you wouldn't remember, Mommy, so we wouldn't have to go."


The poor guy's ears fill up with wax frequently, leaving him with dulled, ineffective hearing. We have to repeat ourselves often, which is more of a problem for us, than for him. He's a thinker, a tinkerer, a mathematician and artist. Only vaguely hearing his surroundings works for him.

At the ENT's office today, I ask about giving Paul Tylenol beforehand, to dull the pain of the suction pulling on the eardrum. I explained that Paul dreaded this procedure. For weeks.

"Really?", he says. "It shouldn't hurt when I pull out the crusty stuff. Cleaning the softer wax off the eardrum might be a little uncomfortable, but not really painful."

This is the third time Paul's had this procedure. Each time, his body tenses. A tear or two drops. He answers the doctor in a voice laden with impending tears. I'm his mother and I know when he--or any of my children--are in pain. This procedure hurts!

I like this doctor very much. He's great....better than most, even. But he should never minimize or deny pain, when someone under his care is suffering. That just makes a kid feel stupid.

No, I don't expect him to act like a women. I'd be very surprised to see him hug my boy and express sorrow over the discomfort.

Driving home, I tell Paul how sorry I am that the doctor didn't understand the pain. Paul stood strong, only shedding one tear and not complaining--repeatedly telling the doctor that, yes, he was doing fine. Shaky voice notwithstanding.

Older brother Peter, then said, "Is he a mean doctor, then?"

Peter noticed Paul's tense body and the tear shed. He whispered in my ear, during the procedure, that poor Paul was miserable.

Now for a little side diversion, related to today's discussion.

A few days ago, Peter asked me, "Why doesn't Daddy care about the poor like you do?"

When he said that, I knew it was time.

The differences between men and women get confusing for children. Once in a while, they need an interpreter.

So in the car, driving home today, I made my attempt.

Before I go on, let me say this: I know a couple women who are such jokers, they have a hard time feeling deep emotion. Humorous people--female and male alike--are great at staying on the sidelines. On the outside looking in, they can see the humor the rest of us are oblivious to (until someone jokingly points it out). After they point it out, we can laugh until our bellies hurt.

Praise God for the comedians among us!

I also know men who are so softhearted, they can't push emotional pain away. But they're the exception--maybe the artists and writers.

Most men push emotional pain away, consciously, deliberately. They refuse to deal with it head on, giving the impression of hardheartedness. God created them to work hard, providing for their families. They have to stay focused on that; they must compartmentalize. This is protective, for the good of the family.

When a child dies or suffers pain, they get angry about it, shaking their fists at God, for a time. Meanwhile, the wife burrows, cries, and needs an excuse to get up in the morning. She's fully in the sadness. Fully living it. It consumes her, nearly.

This is true regarding her personal pain, and sometimes, even in regard to the pain of acquaintances.

If you read Dana's blog, you know the pain she's walking. Matthias, her toddler, died 10.5 months ago, after a heavy dresser crushed him. She still moves in a trance through her days, missing him with every heavy breath. A Christian, she knows that God is good. That His work on the cross is all she needs. She holds on to the hope that someday, she will know joy again--more than joy in a single moment. Joy in every moment. 

For now, she fights for every smile. Her blog is so painful to read, that I fear for my own children the minute I finish reading. Still, I read it anyway, every several weeks, so I can remember to pray. Her burden is so great, we can't not share it.

Back to my kids in the car today.

I explained that the doctor doesn't focus on patient pain because he must think clearly about how to bring healing. A doctor mustn't get distracted from the task at hand--healing, solving the problem.

This made sense to them.

I told them Daddy doesn't like to focus on the children suffering from starvation and pain, because doing so is too painful. It makes him too angry. Too distracted. He can't stand the intensity.

Even his own daughter's arthritis angers him.

But, he does feel. He does hate that children are suffering. He hates it a lot. As much as Mommy does.

Do you know what my boys said?


"I do that too, Mommy. I try to push it away."


I explained that God designed them that way, and that someday, God would give them a wife, and the two personalities would balance each other. Balance is God's design.

Each person, man and wife, are given their own unique jobs. That's God's design, too. The woman nurtures and feels and comforts, and the man provides food and shelter and clothing, and keeps the family's foundation strong and functional.

Mary and Beth mostly ignored the discussion, it seemed, but Paul and Peter ate it up. They understood perfectly. They were comforted, even, to understand Daddy's mind, and their own minds, better.

What did I leave out?

The fact that it only took me.....eleven years of marriage to figure this out! 

I understand my husband now, and I respect him more. I'm so thankful for the rock he is.

God knows every detail about the family.  He designed the family. 

The more we embrace His design, the more joyful we live!

photo credit

Praise God!

We'd been waiting to hear about a Compassion child, Nelson, who lives in El Salvador. Compassion sends out a crisis update letter when your child's country is affected by disaster.


Thankful tears over this: We are thankful to tell you that your sponsored child does not live in the worst hit area and was not directly affected.


The rest of the letter included pleas for help for other Compassion children:

However, many of our sponsored children and their families have partially or totally lost their belongings, and homes have been damaged. For Compassion church partners and project centers in affected regions, the situation is critical.

Compassion is providing immediate relief to thousands of registered children and their families by distributing food, clothing, and hygiene and household items to give help and hope in spite of loss and displacement.

If you feel led to contribute to relief efforts, you may do so by making a donation to Compassion’s Disaster Relief fund.

Please pray for these children and their families, and for Compassion workers? And if you feel led, give to the Disaster Relief fund?  Thank you!


Sometimes, when the same prayers are whispered over and over, with no yes answers, I feel dry and discouraged, as though God will never answer anything. 


But always, He speaks. Something gets answered....about the time that parched feeling threatens to overwhelm.


Nelson is well. His family will feel the affects, economically, from the disaster, but he is well. Praise God!


We're on our way to AWANA tonight, where the children will put together Operation Christmas Child boxes. Praise God for this ministry! Tears flow here just thinking of impoverished children opening these boxes, complete with little toys, personal supplies, school supplies, handmade cards and a group photo, from children across the world. Children being the hands and heart of Jesus. Love it!


Click here to find an AWANA program near you.

Why Young Christians Aren't Waiting Anymore

http://religion.blogs.cnn.com/2011/09/27/why-young-christians-arent-waiting-anymore/

Short article, good read. Brings up a critical point in the fight for abstinence: people are marrying later nowadays 


Excerpt from article below:

Yet the article also asks a question that rarely comes up in discussions about abstinence movement. Relevant notes that in biblical times, people married earlier. The average age for marriage has been increasing in the U.S for the last 40 years.

Today, it’s not unusual to meet a Christian who is single at 30 - or 40 or 50, for that matter. So what do you tell them? Keep waiting?

Scot McKnight, author of “The Jesus Creed,” and "One.Faith: Jesus Calls, We Follow," acknowledges that young, single Christians face temptations that their counterparts in the biblical age didn’t face.

He  tells Relevant:

Sociologically speaking, the one big difference – and it’s monstrous – between the biblical teaching and our culture is the arranged marriages of very young people. If you get married when you’re 13, you don’t have 15 years of temptation.

What is the answer? Why are Christians waiting so long to marry? What isn't marriage appealing anymore?  Are the young men getting their physical needs met with no strings attached--leaving them with no hurry? Are the young ladies looking for someone with wealth--passing all the faithful, humble men by, who can only provide enough? Has materialism infiltrated their young hearts? 

According to the article, 80% of young, unmarried evangelicals have had sex.

Depressing news, yes. But God is big enough to set our own children apart, friends! We must pledge to stand with them, never leaving them vulnerable. We must teach our girls that, unquestionably, they are worth waiting for...that God's plan is beautiful. And to our boys, we must teach the same, as well as the principal that each girl belongs to God. They may not steal.

We must spend time with our children, filling up their emotional cups, so they won't look elsewhere for a false filling. Family is a formidable force. Outside of the Holy Spirit's power and our prayers, family is the strongest weapon we have against Satan.

Let's look at every aspect of our lives, identifying all the things that weaken our family bond.

Then, eradicate. One by one. Let's make family a rock for our children!

Discipling Boys: Looking At God's Design

Barna Research Groups, back in 2009, found that only 9% of Americans have a biblical worldview. I've seen a more recent quote of 4%, but I can't find a Barna survey to back the lower number.


In any case, be forewarned; my worldview is "radically" Christian. Only about 4% of Americans are going to agree with me, and you might not be one of them.


But.....please read my series on discipling boys anyway? Everything I write on the subject is covered in prayer, meaning, you can safely assume God's voice will prevail.


In regard to every life issue, I ask: What does God want? If the Bible doesn't specifically address a life issue, I then ask: What can be assumed from God's design of our bodies....or of the earth? Our Father is omniscient--all knowing. Everything He created, down to the last detail, was intentional.


Boys today enter puberty between the ages of 9 and 14 years old (girls between 8 and 13 yrs. old), with the entire process taking 3 to 4 years. Researchers believe that improved nutrition, fewer diseases, and increased body fat, contributed to earlier puberty rates over time for both boys and girls. My own son, quite lean but with stellar nutrition, developed adult perspiration odor two months before he turned 9. Now, at nearly 10 years old, he has no other puberty signs, save for a new consciousness around girls. He will either have an earlier than average puberty, or one that is unusually drawn out.


To say I'm shocked by these developments is an understatement. What was God thinking? My son can't get married for years! How is a Christian boy to remain pure until marriage, while waiting at least ten years to "express" himself?


With God, all things are possible. I fully expect my sons to enter their marriage beds pure and undefiled. It will happen through the power of the Holy Spirit, bolstered by intentional discipleship from home. I will never allow my boys, nor my girls, to be alone in their fight for righteousness--especially while they're still under my roof. Once they're gone, my prayers will strengthen them.


Make no mistake, the quest for righteousness is a fight! Less than 1 percent of Americans between the ages of 18 - 23 have a biblical worldview.


I'd call that a fight.


Looking at how God designed our bodies, we can see He wanted physical tension there early...before the age of marriage opportunity. Why? Isn't this setting young people up for moral failure?


No. I believe the tension encourages young men to work hard preparing to support a wife, as the Bible commands. It focuses boys on the future, rather than on today. Indeed, the harder they work, the earlier they can marry and enjoy the cord of three strands (God, man, wife).


We know God's design for a man's life; the Bible clearly states what is required. 


1. A man must marry and have one wife.

1 Corinthians 7:2
But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.



2. A cord of three strands--God, man, wife--will withstand the Enemy. God must be present in the union.

Ecclesiastes 4:11-12
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.



3. A man must leave his parents and properly cleave to his wife--not relying on his parents for physical or emotional support.

Genesis 2:24
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.



4. A man must physically provide for his wife and children (food, shelter, clothing).

1 Timothy 5:8
But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.



5. A man must be the spiritual head of his wife.

Ephesians 5:25-27
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.



6. A man must disciple his children--not leaving this duty solely to his wife.

Ephesians 6:4
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.



In light of these Biblical mandates, we see why God needed to give boys early physical passions. Much is required of them, and they must be wholly focused on becoming the man God designed them to be. The physical passions are incentive--they are God-designed, part of being fearfully and wonderfully made. 


But certain conditions aggravate them, enabling the Enemy to invade. I'm speaking about the constant presence of the opposite sex, such as in institutional settings. In contrast, when young men spend the majority of their time with their families, with cable TV and other visual media absent or strictly monitored, and they see girls only in the group context of family or church hospitality, the tension tempers. It fuels the work ethic, but doesn't overwhelm a young man. 


Time spent away from the prize (a potential wife) allows a boy to study, learn trade skills, and soak up spiritual lessons from the Bible and from his parents. He can also practice living sacrificially, as he dwells with his mother and sisters, learning to interpret their hearts


You might be thinking, "But my own husband doesn't even do all these things!"


Yes. True. Many of our own husbands are still learning these things. Media and popular culture, moral relativism, the obsessive aspect of electronics, and the mere act of leaving young people alone, have all created a crisis in our culture. Young boys and men are lost, and it started the minute we departed from God's design for the family.


When we look at God's design for our bodies, along with Scriptural mandates, it becomes clear what God desires for our young boys and girls.


The question is, as a parent, what is your worldview? Are you with the 4%, or the 96%? The answer to this question will determine the spiritual health of your boy, his marriage, his children, and his future relationship with you.


What worldly ideas and things have invaded your heart and your home, stealing you away from your first love...your Heavenly Father? We must "clean house" first, before we can spiritually guide our children. 


Trust His design. Be fearless in your pursuit of it.



photo credit