Living The Cross: Our Charge as Mothers

I spent a few hours this morning learning how to file a motion for continuance. Soon I'll know enough to be an unofficial legal aid--not that I have such aspirations, but you're welcome to write me if you need assistance with a debt suit under $5000. (Over that amount is a small claims matter, with different procedures). I don't have a lot of readers left because I write about poverty and Compassion International too often for comfort, but nevertheless, a good amount of people viewed my debt post. I presume because they like juicy details? Or more sadly, because they're in debt themselves?

At any rate, this is painful folks. Live poorly until you get out of debt--aggressively pound that balance because the Lord hates it. If you fail to repent, he'll deal with you and it will be painful. God is many things to us, including Counselor and Comforter and Savior and Father. But He is also to be feared....so often we Christians forget that part.

Anyhow, Beth has an important eye appointment on the same day I'm to appear in court. Hopefully the judge will look kindly upon my pro se motion for continuance.

My heart is heavy with grief because instead of attending to my children, I had to research a debt matter under pressure, leaving me cranky and depressed. Sometimes I wonder...if I was raised a Christian would we be struggling this much? If my husband had a loving father who didn't wound him continually, and if he were without ADHD issues, would he be in a better position at this point in his life? Should we move out of economically-depressed Ohio? What can we do differently right now? And what about Beth's disease and the continuity it requires? And Peter's condition and the consistency he requires?

I asked the Holy Spirit all these questions, wanting to get back into a thankful mood quickly. I'm keenly aware when I fall into self-pity and I work with the Holy Spirit to get out of it as quickly as possible. We don't have a right to self-pity, ever, because of the Cross.

The Holy Spirit, my Counselor, seemed to say: "Forget about the past and the what-ifs. And give the future to Me. Move forward with gratitude because of your salvation. Endeavor to give these children a better life--a life focused on the Gospel and being the hands and feet of Jesus. Love them well. Disciple them well. Forget about your life and lay it down for them.

So I face the rest of my day with that charge: Lay down my life for my children. When we lay down our lives for another, we're no longer held captive by our selfishness or self-pity. What seals the fate for the next generation, more than anything else? The selfishness of the previous generation. 


Whatever your circumstances--and if you're part of the human race, you've got circumstances--remember the charge Christ gives us.

John 15:13
There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends.


Romans 5:8
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.


1 John 3:16
This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.

photo credit

Acknowledging His Work

Have you ever made a list, either mentally or on paper, of all the heart changes the Holy Spirit's completed in you? Isn't it amazing how He transforms us? His work is so beautiful, like the most exquisite artwork imaginable.

When we talk about making gratitude lists, we mustn't forget to acknowledge His work in us. Our acknowledgement, which leads to gratitude, helps us maintain an attitude of humility, because it's an everyday reminder of our dependence on God for anything good that comes from us.

Often hardships are part of the overall heart change the Holy Spirit works in us. So for those, too, we must give thanks. Ann calls these hard hallelujahs. I explained this term to eight-year-old Paul the other day and he responded, "Oh, I didn't know we were supposed to be thankful for hard things." (Just an aside here: Discipling children is a full-time job. To look at it any other way is to discount its importance.)


Today, my gratitude list includes heart changes and the hard hallelujahs that birthed them. I won't get to all of them in a day, but this is a start.

~ We are more thankful than we were three years ago. Hard hallelujah =  being low income and knowing that our daily bread truly does come from God alone.

~ With each passing year, Christmas is less work, less stress, and more a reminder of what we need to be doing all year long as Christians: thanking, worshiping, and giving of our hearts, time, and pocketbook, in Jesus' name. The food is good too, of course, and the time off to be fully together. But presents? That's fading in our minds and in our children's minds. This year, they hope for one present under the tree. With God's help, we're going to manage that. Their hoping for only one? That is a miracle and a blessing, brought about by the same hard hallelujah = being low income and knowing that joy doesn't come from things. Too many things = ungratefulness and wasted time managing those things.

~ We are more humble. Hard hallelujahs = shame about financial failures, having to accept help from family and friends and looking more shabby than most people we run into. (old cars, worn clothes, etc.) When you are shabby (I don't mean unclean here) your ego can't puff up as much. Notice I qualified this with "as much". Human egos will always find some reason to puff up. Humility is a daily process of acknowledging our dependence on God. Prayer, worship, and Bible reading help us remember our position before God. When we spend that time the Holy Spirit speaks truth into us about ourselves, and about our loving, merciful God.

~ We are more prayerful.  Hard hallelujahs = financial hardship and loneliness/isolation. The more we need God and go to Him, the more we want fellowship (prayer) with Him. It makes sense that time spent on our relationship with Him brings not only greater peace, but greater desire for Him.

~ We are more compassionate. Hard hallelujahs = miscarriages, disorders, chronic health issues, disease, financial hardship

~ We have more perspective. Hard hallelujahs = learning about abject poverty and social injustice and the devastating, debilitating diseases others suffer. All of these lessons are painful, but a necessary process for every Christian.

~ We know why we were saved. Hard hallelujah = learning about abject poverty and knowing that we are called to be the hands and feet of Jesus. This is how He can allow abject poverty: Because we, Christians, are the answer to it. It is up to us to redistribute our abundance, out of a thankful heart. (Of course, we are also saved to fellowship with God.)

~ We are more selfless. Hard hallelujahs = children with special needs taking up our "personal" time

I have to be disciplined and stop here today.

How about your list? What works of grace are on there?

Thoughts and Blessings

1 Chronicles 29:11-13
"Yours, O LORD, is the greatness and the power
and the glory and the majesty and the splendor,
for everything in heaven and earth is yours.
Yours, O LORD, is the kingdom;
you are exalted as head over all.

Wealth and honor come from you;
you are the ruler of all things.
In your hands are strength and power
to exalt and give strength to all.

Now, our God, we give you thanks,
and praise your glorious name."

Gratitude List:

~ Leftover gingerbread pancakes for lunch. (Do you ever feel like you'll scream if you have to make one more peanut butter and jelly sandwich?) Am I a bad mom if I put whipped cream on my Beth's pancakes? She's losing weight from the arthritis, which is common. The pain is like a perpetual toothache, weakening the appetite. I have to work hard to get her to eat enough without compromising nutrition. I tweak most recipes to include only 100% whole grain so the pancakes, when taken with milk, make up a complete protein serving. When you team whole grain with dairy, you always have a complete protein. No meat needed with it, and whole grain also contains iron.

~ sunshine for two days. No snow yet for a white Christmas, but I'll take the bright sun any day.

~ Beth didn't walk right away the last two mornings, but I have noticed improvement in her swelling in the last week. Perhaps the naproxen is helping now? The morning stiffness is the best indicator of active disease, so we must watch that very closely ahead of her Jan. 4 rheumatology appointment, at which her doctor will make a determination to continue with just naproxen, or add a one-time steroid injection in both knees (with her under a milder form of general anesthesia). Anyway, today, I celebrate less swelling.

~ Beth laughing in her sleep.

~ I've given steroid eye drops every two hours while Beth's awake for a solid week now. Today I celebrate having only three weeks left, at which time the eye doctor will recheck her eye inflammation. Sometimes she cooperates and sometimes she doesn't. Maybe they expect that with a 3-year-old? When she's contrary, I can usually pry her eyes open long enough to sneak them in without her cooperation. She's supposed to keep her eyes closed for one minute afterward, but she doesn't do this and I'm unable to force it. God is in control of her story. I can only do so much and He knows that.

~ The children's book Christmas with the Mousekins: A Story With Crafts, Recipes, Poems and More! Delightfully illustrated, it's about a mouse family preparing for Christmas--working to bless each other and their neighbors. Included with the story pages are the craft projects they work on for each other and for their house, taught on separate pages with diagrams and written directions. Crafts include: snowflakes, tree ornament cornucopias with candy, mittens-in-a-row tree ornament, Christmas tree hat, Christmas-trees-in-a-row tree ornament, Christmas Mobile, Mousie Sock Puppet, mitten bookmark, and angel mouse tree topper. Recipes include: Cinnamon Snail Cookies and Gingerbread Mice Cookies



~ Last week I discussed Beth's toe walking with her physical therapist. The rheumatologist told me Beth does it to offset the pain in her knees when she walks. The therapist said if we don't keep flexing her feet to stretch this muscle, her toe walking will create more problems due to a too-tight muscle. So all week long I've tried to flex her feet while she sits on my lap. She hates it because it hurts, so I had yet another stressful fight with her. But today I celebrate a break through with this. If I flex and point her toes/feet in quicker succession, rather than in a more prolonged stretch, she says it doesn't hurt and she allows me to work with her. We'll see what the therapist says tomorrow about the effectiveness of this alternate method, but I have to think it's better than nothing. Today I celebrate that.

~ Children busy with coffee filter snowflakes inspired by the children's book above.

~ No library fees for quite awhile.

~ Mary's been making do with sweats at bedtime instead of a sleeper. She likes loose sleepers and I only have 5t's, which are too tight for her. Beth, it turns out, needs the 5T's because she's tall for her age with larger feet. Thankfully, Grandma sent a sleeper for Mary's birthday. I suggested a larger size that Mary could wear for two years, but it was too big in the feet and wouldn't stay put. I returned it for one that was too small. Ugh! Last night I ventured to Walmart late at night, which always brings out the teenagers and young adults who dress in all black with nose rings and other way-out-there adornments on body and hair. They love the midnight hour for shopping. What's up with that?

Anyway, Mary now has a sleeper that fits. She'll be looking more feminine, which every girl (and Momma) loves. The bedtime sweats were sometimes borrowed from her brothers.

~ fresh, boiled cranberries with baked chicken and baked sweet potatoes for dinner tonight.

~ Peter memorizing his long speaking part for the Children's Christmas Choir.

~ Laundry moving swiftly today.

~ Secret Santa gift cards in my husband's box at work today. He works for a false-gospel church. At times it's very hard to be a part of their establishment, but in a bad economy you have to take what is available. Ohio still has a very depressed economy and fewer jobs post each week. He sometimes has opportunity to view curriculum for children and adults in his capacity as a custodian there. What they teach is so watered down it may as well be a universalist church.

The thing is, they treat him better there than any place he's worked. Before doing custodial work he worked with the mentally challenged as a direct care worker. There's no respect in that job, which is true of most servant-based jobs. Custodians are treated even worse. Many people, Christians included, won't even look at them. But in this job, he has respect. Go figure: false-doctrine Christians treating him better than real Christians.

A Christian should be, above all, humble. How did God come to us? A newborn in a stable. He lived a humble life among us and He died humbly.

A humble person treats the custodian with respect, consistently.

And how does one get there...to that place of humility? Can we exhort humility from people? Or must a person live it--through humble circumstances--to be it? Interesting question.

A Debtor's Nightmare: It Could Be You

I'm about to humble myself before you like never before. Please reserve judgement while you read, unless you've been in my shoes? Can I ask that, please, as I seek to help you right now?

It's Christmas time and at this time of year, Satan has an easy time stirring up wickedness. He wants you to take your eyes off of Christ and overspend. Overspending is a symptom of ingratitude. A thankful heart is a still heart, a peaceful heart.

Oh, I know. You have a plan to keep yourself from overspending this year. It's a good plan, I'm sure. But Satan also has a plan, and it involves keeping you so busy, you'll get too stressed and overextended to follow your original, good plan. You'll finally say to yourself, "We'll, I've already blown my budget, so I may as well get what's necessary and tighten my budget in January."


Some of the things will seem very necessary, like gifts for the office staff. But remember that Christmas occurs in the heart, not the pocketbook. Can you write them a card instead and share your favorite Scriptures and tell how much you appreciate them? That is enough.


And whatever you do, don't charge anything this Christmas!  If you've already done so, take it back!  I'm about to share a little bit of my personal nightmare with a credit card company, and I hope you take it to heart. There are days now I'm barely holding onto my sanity, and some of that has to do with my credit card company.

When husband lost his full-time job, I kept up with my payments for the first year of underemployment. The second year, I had to stop paying, because food on the table and a roof over our head took precedence. When things get bad financially, you have to make heartbreaking decisions. Food and shelter come first, always. If you get a lump sum of money by some miracle, believe me, you'll need it for home or car repairs. Either that, or you'll need it for medical care.

When a Christian fails to pay a debt, it's very bad. But it all starts when you incur debt in the first place. Don't think for a second that God will provide money for your credit habit. He won't help you at all. He will let you fall, especially if you're a repeat offender. 

In fact, I have a bold opinion on this. You're more likely to have your job protected by God when your financial health is spiritually sound. That's not to say your company won't go under in a bad economy. I only mean your chances for job disaster are higher if you have financial sins.

You might think it's as simple as telling them you can only pay $10 per month right now. They are evil, my friends. They don't care about your sob story, no matter how many hungry mouths it includes. They won't accept partial payments or payment plans, and either will your mortgage company. Their goal is to intimidate you into paying your obligation to them before you feed your children. They are successful often enough, through various scare tactics, so they keep at for months. You can write a letter telling them to stop calling you, and sometimes that is successful, since it's their legal obligation to honor your written request to stop harassment.

After many months of intimidation, including calling your family and even your neighbors if they can manage it, they will send it to a collection agency. This agency will bother you for awhile, eventually trying to collect just a percentage of the original debt (maybe 75%). But it will still be a lump sum, not a payment plan or partial  payments. Lump sum or nothing. Again, if you're really hurting financially, you don't have lump sums.You have serious unmet needs to take care of, like your mortgage or keeping your car going, and your credit rating is the least of your worries.

If the collection agency can't get a lump sum out of you, the credit card company charges off your debt and sells it for pennies on the dollar to a junk debt buyer. The junk debt buyer (a law firm, often) sues you in court to collect the whole amount plus interest and penalties. They say they are representing your credit card company, but they are actually trying to collect for themselves. They may have an agreement to give the credit card issuer a small percentage of the collection, but not always.

90% of consumers think the lawsuit is a scare tactic and they fail to respond to the court summons. Shortly thereafter, the law firm gets a default judgement against you and garnishes your wages or bank account for up to 25% per month. Right now, this is all legal! Don't let someone tell you your credit rating is the only thing at stake when you default on a loan or credit card. This is false.

If you stay on top of the legal nightmare and try not to default entirely, your situation is still the same. They will want a lump sum, not a payment plan or partial payments. If you can't pay, the judge will order a judgement against you for far more than your original debt. Your bank account or wages will be garnished (never give them your bank account number voluntarily, and never send a personal check!). If your income is exempt from garnishment, the judgement stands and when you get back on your feet, they will find you. The nightmare will not stop unless you pay it or file bankruptcy protection, and even then a junk debt buyer may try to collect again in the future, intimidating you into thinking it was not discharged in your bankruptcy. You must save everything and be on top of a system that is inherently evil, run by the evilest in society.

Friends, your original debt can be relatively low, and this nightmare can still be yours. Credit is evil on both sides--the overspending consumer, and the debt collector. We're trying hard to stay on top of it, and thankfully we have help from a community legal aid agency. The small details are killing me, though. I got another legal thing in the mail Friday, asking me to appear for a pre-trial hearing. It's all I can do to avoid a nervous breakdown right now. I ask God for strength every time my heart rate rises.

When you get in trouble it isn't about shirking your responsibility as a debtor. We never tried to get out of paying our debts. They force you to make horrible decisions, because in the long run, they only want what's best for them financially. There is no good faith.

Don't carry a balance, please? Don't fall into Satan's holiday trap, or any other spending trap. Have a thankful heart for what God provides. It is enough. You have enough. Fill up the empty places in your heart and life with Him, not with purchases.

Please don't think it won't happen to you. If you have a credit card balance right now, stop spending and pay it down, even it means only one present under the tree for your children. And if you're already in trouble and using your credit card to live on, research what can and will happen. You must be informed so you can keep food on your table and a roof over your head.

Please don't judge my admissions here? God has taken me a long way in the past three years. I'm not the same person who once incurred debt. My heart knows that whatever God provides, it is enough.

Saturday Blessings

 1 Thessalonians 5:18
 give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.


I am thankful for...

...a new Playdoh toy for Beth's Birthday. Loved by all!

...sweeping up Playdoh three times a day now (once my big boy did it).

...husband home for Saturday breakfast.

...Miss Beth waking up in the middle of the night and saying, "Mommy, did you pray for me?" Dumbfounded, I told her "Yes, Lovey, Mommy's been praying for you." I had been up an hour praying and staring at her. She is only vaguely aware that anything is amiss with her health, so this comment had something to do with a dream she had. She went back to sleep right away.

...Miss Beth walking right out of bed this morning. She usually can't put any weight on her legs right away, so this is a breakthrough. Maybe the flare is over? Thank you for your prayers!

...her smiling so wide while we sang to her.

...her dimples.

...her thank yous. She says them all day long.

...Daddy teaching her how to blow out a candle.

...Paul jumping into my arms for a standing cuddle.

...people with pressing spiritual and physical needs who take our minds off ourselves and put them on the Body of Christ.

...little girls who add their mealtime prayers to ours, quite insistently. :)

...little one coming up to tell me, "Mommy, it's time for my nap."

...puzzles checked out of the library.

Have a blessed weekend!