More Grateful, More Content

The motor signaled its demise; for 4 days we heard a loud, annoying, grind-screech sound.

And alas, as of tonight, the dishwasher is dead, 7.5 years after we bought it.

Will I ever blog again other than the middle of the night, once I'm washing dishes three times a day?

We shall see....

Late tonight, as I soaped, rinsed and shined the chicken-noodle soup bowls, along with the glasses and pans and silver we used for dinner, I knew we wouldn't replace the dishwasher.

When we bought it seven and a half years ago, we were different people...regular first-world people. We didn't know about Compassion International and we didn't dearly love three extra children:

Divya (India, age 9.5, correspondent child)

 

Nelson (El Salvador, age 8, sponsor child)

 

Raphael (Burkina Faso, age 13.5, correspondent child)




Once you fall in love with a child from the third world, your heart is wrecked and your eyes opened. No longer can you get in your vehicle, drive to Sears, and buy a luxury item. Not unless you can send the same amount of money to your Compassion children, and still afford the dishwasher.

Everything concerning finances gets filtered through your new lens...your third-world, least-of-these lens.

But this change doesn't occur overnight. It takes time, prayer and letter writing to develop a love such as this... when you truly feel like your Compassion children are part of your family.

I believe God divinely chooses your sponsor children with as much insight and love as he chooses your biological children. As we raise our children the process itself is part of our discipleship in Christ. Parent and child idiosyncrasies and flaws and gifts mingle just right, sharpening us in Him.

The same is true of sponsoring children. The experience itself disciples you and with each letter written, with each prayer uttered, with each rejoicing of heart, with each passing month you contribute to their care, you become more like Jesus.

And as you become more like Jesus, what happens to your contentment?

It skyrockets and suddenly, you don't need that GPS, that dishwasher, that fancy phone, that designer purse, that Olive Garden meal.

The amount of luxury money we spend is directly related to our contentment level. The less content we are, the more we buy.

And our contentment is directly related to our sense of gratitude. The less grateful we are, the more we think we deserve.

To be more grateful and more content, sponsor a child today.

Who wouldn't want to be more like Jesus?

Wondering if you can afford the $38 a month required to sponsor a child? Consider this verse about your daily needs:

Matthew 6:33  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Matthew 25:40 "The King will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.'

Never again will you go to your mailbox with the same what-bill-will-it-be-today attitude. Once you get into the website and hit "sponsor a child", you'll always look forward to a letter from your precious child.

And who will meet you at the mailbox?

Jesus himself, disguised as the least of these.  I guarantee it.

Does My Child Feel Loved?

Last week I asked for prayer for my friend's daughter regarding anorexia and depression. If you've remembered Chelsea this week, I thank you.

After hearing a little more about her condition last week, I came home from church feeling desperate to help. I didn't feel completely confident that my friend understood the gravity of the situation...that 20% of sufferers die from this disease, and that most will battle it for the rest of their lives, fighting daily to drown Satan's voice.

I came home and just sat in a chair, feeling extremely anxious. I don't just listen to people's problems. I feel them. Sometimes this tendency drives my husband crazy.

I remembered Emily's book, Chasing Silhouettes, and immediately ordered it, thinking as soon as it came, I would call my friend and take it straight over.

 

But my plans were foiled by my husband's dead car battery. He had to take the van and so instead, I started reading the book.

What a treasure of life-giving information for every parent. As much as I wanted the book in my friend's hand ASAP, I'm grateful God spoiled my plans and allowed me to read it first instead. I'll be honest...it was frightening. A true wake up call for every parent.

Here is what I learned:

Love, Love, Love

When parents have a keen interest or distraction--business, gardening, reading, sewing, exercising, scrap-booking, writing, painting, whatever--they have to be very careful not to put the interest above their children's needs. When we're stressed we can resort to escapism. Satan wants us to escape, whereas God wants to heal and renew us.

When we're not accessible our children feel unloved. Period. It doesn't matter how much we think we love them...love is expressed through putting others first. Be careful of saying to your child too often: "Just a second, Honey, I just need to finish this e-mail...finishing getting these flowers into the ground...finish contacting these clients...finish this scrapbooking page."

Emily, who almost died twice from this disease--once at age 13, and again as a married woman at age 26--felt, above all, unloved. Her first battle lasted 4 years, and her relapse lasted 3 years. This disease works slowly and steadily and in the end, the patient must choose life or death, literally.

Pick Your Battles

Secondly, Emily felt controlled. Her battle started at the age of 9 years old. She couldn't choose her food or her clothes or her friends. She couldn't watch TV or play with Barbies. As a pastor's child, she led a tightly controlled life. Slowly starving herself over the course of 4 years started as an act of rebellion. She loved the feeling of control; no one could make her eat. The more they tried, the stronger the disease became.

Over time the disease consumed her and she became the disease--a mere shadow of the girl God created. She nearly destroyed herself and her family but she didn't care; she thought she looked beautiful in her skeletal state. It's shocking how Satan can deceive us.

Many of us have a picky eater in our house and this book reminds us:  never let mealtime become a battleground.

Don't force a child to eat a certain amount. Give healthy choices and let them choose their portions and what they'll dish up for themselves. Don't be overly restrictive with sweets and don't label some foods good and some bad. Eat intuitively, modeling balance. God gives food as a gift.

Especially vulnerable are strong-willed, sensitive children who may be people-pleasing perfectionists. Be especially careful in not allowing food to become a battleground with this child. Kids learn early that their food intact can give them power over mom and dad.

I heard a pastor say once, in regard to parenting: "Only say no when you can't say yes." Provide every child with a reasonable amount of control over negotiable things.

Mind Your Words

I've always secretly thought that larger-boned people were fortunate in that they could gain a little weight and it didn't show. Small-boned people, like myself, have to be more careful. But right away as I read this book, I learned not to talk or think in terms of bone size or body frame at all.  Many girls want to have small bones. They want a "petite" label, even if God had other ideas when he created them.

Men don't care about bone size, but girls/women may. Affirm your child just the way God created her, without using labels.

If you become concerned about weight gain in a child, never nag about or mention the gain. Just provide healthy choices. Even after recovery, innocent words about weight gain, or even, "You are looking healthy" can become a trigger for relapse.

Affirm your child in more than just physical ways. It's good to say she's beautiful, but also acknowledge her painting gift or her helping gift or her teaching gift. Notice her, know her, and affirm her always.

Refrain from making any negative comments about your own body size or looks. Be grateful and comfortable in your own skin, for you've been fearfully and wonderfully made.

Pray For Healing Of Your Own Heart

The ideal mother, if she exists at all, is one who recognizes her worth in Jesus Christ. If you have past, unhealed wounds, they will affect your parenting. Pray that God heals you in your deepest hurting places so you can love unconditionally. A redeemed person loves others without fear. A hurting person seeks to protect herself, living selfishly without even realizing it.

I highly recommend Emily's book for all parents, especially if you have daughters. It can halt the mother-daughter thing in its tracks before it becomes destructive and dangerous, and it can prevent father-daughter dysfunction as well.

That said, it's important to remember that anorexia is never the parents' fault: a child chooses not to eat. And in the end, the child must choose to get well. She must choose life and love. Treatment plans go no where if a child doesn't want to recover.

Affirming our children is prevention...not just with our words, but our actions. We must make time for each child, learning their love language and prayerfully seeking to meet their needs consistently.

Studies show that there may be a genetic predisposition to this condition, but the disease itself is almost always triggered by excessive environmental stress. Emily's was probably triggered by the death of a beloved grandma figure.

I close today with this thought...one I've shared several times:

Parenting is a prayer.

Never stop praying, for we are flawed and we need our Heavenly Father's divine intervention. His grace showers us, eclipsing our brokenness.

I will present the book quietly tomorrow at church and I pray it's read that same day. Please pray with me?

Giving Thanks Today

Thank you, Father, for these blessings and graces:

~ For Emily's brave book reminding me to be an accessible mother, no matter my stress level.

~ For the transforming power of prayer. I don't have to be perfect; I just have to be on my knees.

~ For my husband's love for and devotion to our children.

~ For one of our Bible Study children praying aloud for the first time.

~ For the strength to say I'm sorry.

~ For pain that grows into wisdom, that helps others.

~ For redemption by the blood of the lamb

~ For four children, wild and beautiful.

~ For leaves unfurling on our trees. Praise God for color.

~ For sunshine, even if there was a little snow mixed in this morning.

~ For exciting homeschool curriculum on my bookshelves

~ For the wisdom to look for the beautiful.

What's beautiful in your life today, my friend?

Homeschool Mother's Journal, 4/19/13

In my life this week…

It's all good....or mostly. My Mary fell sick with a stomach bug on Tuesday morning. This will be the third time she's come down with an intestinal virus and the rest of us have not contracted it; twice it involved a fever so food poisoning is unlikely.

Sometimes I wonder if childhood illnesses aren't God's design for a particular child to get extra attention? I do know I've held my Mary much these past couple days, praying over her heart and her life and her body.

In our homeschool this week…

1.  Peter is reading Bruchko, a missionary story of incredible emotional and spiritual impact. My boys, and later my girls, will never be the same for having read it.

 

Synopsis info. from Christianbook.com:

Publisher's Description

What happens when a nineteen-year-old boy leaves home and heads into the jungles to evangelize a murderous tribe of South American Indians? For Bruce Olson, it meant capture, disease, terror, loneliness, and torture. But what he discovered by trial and error has revolutionized the world of missions.

Bruchko, which has sold more than 300,000 copies worldwide, has been called "more fantastic and harrowing than anything Hollywood could concoct." Living with the Motilone Indians since 1961, Olson won the friendship of four presidents of Colombia and has made appearances before the United Nations because of his efforts.

Bruchko includes the story of his 1988 kidnapping by communist guerrillas and the nine months of captivity that followed. This revised version of Olson’s story will amaze you and remind you that simple faith in Christ can make anything possible. "[Bruchko is] an all-time missionary classic. Bruce Olson is a modern missionary hero who has modeled for us in our time the reaching of the unreached tribes." —Loren Cunningham Co-founder, Youth With A Mission

 2. Another homeschool mentionable is a writing book the boys started with me called Writing With Ease by Susan Wise Bauer. You probably recognize Susan as the author of the widely-read Story of the World history series. She also runs The Well-Trained Mind website, alone with her friend, Jessie Wise, who also writes curriculum. Together they run Peace Hill Press, a curriculum publishing company, but take my advice and buy their products from Christianbook.com (far cheaper I came to find out).

First, read the sample pages provided on the Peace Hill Press site (for all their products). Many pages are available to peruse for free and you'll know exactly what you're getting when you buy the product.


 

Writing With Ease is followed by Writing With Skill for students 6th grade and higher. Although if you haven't done much dictation in the past with your child, I recommend acquiring a lower book first. If necessary just double up on the assignments. The passages are all good literature and they won't be babyish by any means if you buy a lower grade level.

Narration assignments are also included and those take practice, which is another reason to start lower if you haven't used this method. Orally retelling a story is a skill that comes with practice. The unpracticed student often doesn't know where to start and frustration sets in. Pray through the frustration and stick with it, understanding that this, along with dictation, is a tried-and-true method lost in the world of public schooling.

The more students we added to the one-room schoolhouse model of old, the more we lost in efficiency. Older students helped younger ones one-on-one...when we lost that, we lost much. An eighth-grade education from the old, one-room schoolhouse was years above what the nation can provide for today's eighth grader.

Getting back to the featured resource...Tear-out lined paper is included in the Writing With Ease workbooks for student use, but we strictly use journal books here. I hate loose papers running around; putting them in notebooks isn't the best solution, since over time the loose-leaf binder holes don't hold up. Journal books become a priceless piece of history for you and your child...a true slice of life and proof that progress comes with hard work and diligence, over time.

Walmart (online) sells elementary journal books with varying line sizes, with a space for pictures included for 2nd grade and under.

 Publisher Synopsis:

Take the guesswork out of teaching writing! Used along with the core text, Writing With Ease, this workbook provides every dictation assignment, comprehension question, and reading passage that you'll need for a full year of study.
Using passages and sentences from classic children's literature, Workbook: Level 4 allows young writers to practice their skills while absorbing the style and grace of great authors. Charming illustrations by Jeff West add a visual element that will spark your child's imagination.
Writing With Ease and Workbook: Level 4 are the only materials you'll need to provide your student with a complete year of writing instruction.

I'm very impressed with this resource and along with me, the boys look forward to it each day. How many writing programs can you say that about? Ha! We've been through our share and I expect most homeschooling families would say the same.

There are good things about every program, but what strikes me about this one in particular is the meticulous nature the author used as she conceived and developed it. But don't relate that word meticulous with hard-to-use. Quite the opposite is true! A college writing and literature instructor, Susan was appalled at the essays her students turned in. She wanted change for our nation's young people and this program is her educational vision, realized.

While it's based on the philosophies you read about from Charlotte Mason, Ruth Beechick and Sonlight, it's better organized and as I said, meticulously thought out....each lesson having specific objectives. Think "open and go". Every thing you need is right there in the workbook for each level. You don't need to buy the core text unless you want to learn more about the theory or have alternate passages to choose from.

I incorrectly bought level 3 before I saw a grade-level label (level 3 is designed for 3rd grade). Level 4 covers grades 4-5 (my boys are 3rd and 5th currently but the 3rd grader is advanced). What I'm doing is going through 2 lessons a day and we'll start Level 4 when it feels like they're no longer learning from this one.

Each day brings a new treat in this workbook, in terms of the literature piece involved, and we love that here. In fact, one huge perk is that your student will learn about great literary works as you use this resource. Only the best of the best literature is included. I've even come across a mini-lesson on the different rhythms of poetry (something sadly lacking in my own education).

My boys, whom I school together, have been doing dictation of high-quality literature passages for over a year as part of the novel-support materials Sonlight provides...Sonlight being a Ruth Beechick-loving company. I've seen the dictation method work wonders for their writing, grammar and spelling.

Possibly, the only reason you don't see dictation in the public schools is that it's not a method conducive to large groups.  Believe me, I know that of which I speak; I used to dictate spelling words every week to first graders, all of whom wrote at their own speed.

If you peruse the Well-Trained Mind website, just please, forget about Jessie's baby-scheduling ideas, which this nursing-advocate mother finds objectionable. To ensure a good milk supply don't schedule your baby. Every mother has a unique milk-storage capacity, so not every baby can go the same amount of time between feedings. And baby's needs change frequently too. Be in tune to your baby and pray much for God's grace and divine assistance.

Helpful homeschooling tips or advice to share…

Has spring fever arrived at your house? Trying schooling from 11:00 AM to 2 or 3ish, depending on your workload. The kids will be out of the sun when its rays are most damaging and their eager hearts won't be distracted so much by the beautiful day.

Don't forget the nature walks...something people from non-snow climates can do anytime, but a real treat for us Ohioans.

Unless you rise very early, try doing the schooling first, then the chores. The children can tidy their rooms while you prepare breakfast, but save the bulk of your chores for after the teacher-directed learning segments. You'll avoid getting distracted by the desire for neatness and cleanliness--a desire that can take you straight up to dinner prep if you're not careful.

Places we’re going and people we’re seeing…

Last night was the AWANA car derby, something which, you might remember, we embarrassed ourselves at last year. Previously we knew nothing about derby cars or how seriously people take these races. This year we arrived well prepared, with the help of our artist friend Dean, who has helped with many AWANA derbies. The cars were impressive to say the least, but I find it a shame that so little of the work is actually done by the children. That was the case across the board. Even Paul himself said, "Mommy, did I really deserve a trophy? Dean helped with the painting."

Pictures to follow, but Paul won 1st Place in design and 2nd Place in speed. Peter won 2nd Place in design. Dean also prepared our neighbor boy's car, who goes to AWANA with us, because the child took little interest in it. It was equally impressive but didn't win anything (design awards are up to a panel of judges, and who knows what impresses them). The neighbor boy took it hard and I pray his disappointment is short-lived and that his parents (non-Christians) do not assume any favoritism.

What we learned last year, and continue learning, is that disappointment is a catalyst for effort and progress. It hurts now, but reaps benefits later.

My favorite thing this week was…

..loving on Mary while she ailed. She's better today, eating all but dairy and fat.

My kiddos favorite thing this week was…

...the AWANA derby and using their new Adventure Bibles in their studies this week.



Things I’m working on…

Still working on the spring clothing switch and walking in His grace.

I’m cooking…

Taco bake, baked ziti, crockpot ham and potatoes, tacos, roast chicken


I’m grateful for…

the Lord's wisdom. As I look around I'm astounded at what a gift biblical wisdom is. It goes without saying, but we live with so much more peace when we avail ourselves of it daily...nothing else compares.

I'm also grateful that we've held our ground in not filling up our weeks with extra-curricular activities. AWANA night is the only night we can't have a family dinner. The dinner hour has anchored and bonded families for generations and our sports-obsessed society has given it up...to the detriment of our nation's young people. They've lost any moral compass, as evidenced by young girls and boys getting into serious trouble in high school. The news has been so hard to read lately. So heartbreaking watching our young people chase after all the wrong things..

You can't raise a child in the time it takes to drive him from one activity to another, and I pray the recent tragedies drive that home. We need to concentrate not so much on those pitching or dribbling or scrambling skills, but on living-with-intregrity skills. This requires strong family bonds and loving relationships between parents and children. A child's sense of belonging needs to come from family, not from peers or teachers or coaches. To earn a child's respect and trust and pass on legacy values, spend time with her. The bond of love created by family time is invaluable and irreplaceable. Kids don't know it, but they want and need their families more than their friends or activities.

Children don't know what they need...that's why we call them children.

I'm grateful the Bible keeps me legacy-minded. Not following what everyone else does can be hard and awkward at times, but when we train ourselves to ask, "Will this soccer season matter even 5 years from now?" and compare that to the foundation laid through the family-dinner hour night after night, it becomes a far easier choice. More and more sports are taking away weekend family time as well...even church. Recently one of Peter's Sunday school teachers left class early to go to a sports-team event with his son...leaving his wife to finish the class. I'm not sure I understand what he thinks he's teaching his son...but so often the church resembles the world.


I’m praying for…

...the Church and America, my friend's daughter, and my own little Beth's arthritic joints and swollen tonsils. The 0.3 milliliters/once week of chemo drug worked to lower the swelling and give her back her strength and agility, but lately I'm seeing some swelling again in the same three joints,  particularly the right knee which has always been her worst. If it continues they might raise her dose of methotrexate, which might lead to nausea problems from my injecting it into applesauce instead of subcutaneously. Please God...spare us a weekly injection into a screaming four-year-old's skin. I beg of you....

The enlarged tonsils are affecting speech and Beth's speech teacher recommends I push to have them taken out. They've been enlarged since December, causing snoring and labored breathing. Her doctor tells me it isn't related to the methotrexate (chemo drug to suppress the immune system) but she started that drug in December as well. Lots to pray about...

Having a blessed weekend, friends. I wish you a nice two days with lots of sunshine and fun.

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Multitude Monday: Frolicking With Father

Sometimes, when there's disorder or chronic illness in the home, the sheer weight of life can take your breathe away, leaving you wondering: how do unbelievers face the day? How do they find hope and joy and hold on to it for dear life?

Me, I have the Father. He is Hope and Joy. He grasps my hand softly and takes me frolicking in the heavenly realm. He teaches me to rise above my circumstances and drink of a new hope...a hope to come.

I wouldn't want it any other way. If the weight of life didn't wear on me, there would be no frolicking with my Father.

Giving Thanks Today:

Thank you, Father, for these graces and blessings:

~ For the cardinal gracing the bare brown branches, reminding of color to come.

~ For little Beth calling me into the bathroom during church-morning prep, "Mommy, come wipe me. I had a poooopy!" I couldn't believe the size of the thing and I said, "My goodness. That is a big poopy for such a little girl."  And that little girl looked up at me, all dimpled and four-eyed, with a beaming proud smile: "Thank you", she responded.

~ For my Peter working so expertly, gently, with the nursery babies and toddlers...and enjoying every minute.

~ For the associate pastor and his wife, finally with child and beaming with joy. They may have had prior heartache because they waited until 20 weeks to announce it. (Although when she quit dying her hair I had an inkling and privately rejoiced.)

~ For my Mary growing in gentleness and self-control; she sets my heart all a flutter.

~ After hearing bad news about a friend's daughter, I felt sad on Sunday. Then later when cuddled next to my husband, I rejoiced that I had him to share my burdens. "I'm so glad I have you for a life partner", I whispered, not knowing if he was still awake.  Surprisingly, he whispered back, voice heavy with sleep, "We'll always be together." Praise the Lord!

~ I'm officially an e-bay idiot. I won an auction for my girls' science program. Novice that I am, I rejoiced and paid immediately. Then the seller contacted me and reminded me, after seeing my Ohio address, that it was advertised as local pick-up...In Maryland...and was I possibly visiting Maryland just then, or was it an oversight?  My bubble deflated and I decided that homeschoolclassifieds is a lot simpler. The blessing is: the seller, being a Christian, is sweetly dealing with me, even stating that it's in great shape and she wants me to have it.  She's mailing it to me and I'm paypaling her the postage.

~ My boys, who follow my curriculum hunts closely, have been watching the e-bay e-mails, finding themselves intrigued by the whole thing. Yesterday during their playtime I heard them setting up an auction and having a bidding war over playroom toys. I always have to chuckle at their made-up games. They find a way to involve their sisters and I'm reminded again that children don't need toys...just their imaginations. They have the most fun not with Lincoln Logs or race cars or dolls, but with the schemes they make up.

~ Another sweet, loving letter from our Divya from India. Compassion children have to write three letters per year to their sponsors, but they can choose to write more. Thankfully, our Divya chooses to write fairly often. Her words and her heart, recorded on the page, make the love swell up in me and I long to be able to visit her some day. It's a miracle we're praying for. Click here to sponsor a child and have your heart wrecked forever...in the best way.

~ For the exquisitely painted children's book We Played Marbles, an historical fiction picture book about two boys who play on the high dirt mounds that used to be old Fort Craig, from the Civil War. "With poetic text and striking oil illustrations, Tres Seymour and Dan Andreason create a beautiful, haunting story that will touch readers of all ages."

Indeed. I was quietly awed by this book.












~ For an especially nice Children's Bible Study this last Saturday about Joseph's special robe and his brother's jealousy, and about how God takes something meant for evil and uses it for good. Bible stories build our faith and they're worth learning over and over again...even for us old folks. They reveal the heart of God and remind us that we also are the Josephs, the Jonahs, the Rahabs, the Leahs, the Sarahs, the Abrahams and Queen Esthers. That we are the ten lepers and the woman at the well. That God loves us too, no less than the Bible greats. And that He's ever so much involved in our daily lives and pain...and that He has a plan.  A plan never sounded so beautiful as when you hide in your heart and head, the plans recorded in the Bible; they will awe you.

What's beautiful in your life today, my friend?

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Prayer Request (friend's daughter)

I can't give details but my friend's 18-year-old daughter, who suffers from anorexia and depression, is much worse. I feel so helpless right now! It's such a serious situation and it seems only God can help.

I can and will pass along Emily Wierenga's Christian book on helping a loved one battling an eating disorder. I read all 35 reviews of this book and it sounds like every mother with daughters should read it...before food and weight become a battleground.

Though, really, this disease isn't about food, but about control. Emily's book is very Christian-centered and includes the perspectives of Emily's family members as well as professional advice. Every chapter ends with a prayer.



Please pray for a better mother-daughter relationship for my friend and her daughter, and for grace, strength, and healing?  All involved are intensely stressed. Thank you! It helps to know that others might be praying.