The Perfect Dinner Table

I love advocating for the family dinner because I've experienced the blessing of this precious time, no matter the season of life. And I hate what the extra-curricular craze has done to the family. 

The problem is not the sports (or activities) themselves, but the anti-family organizations that make up the weekly schedules. As parents we need to learn to say no, since two children or more in sports at the same time is way too hectic for anyone, unless the children choose the same sport (activity) with the same schedule.

Limiting your children and yourself to a bare minimum of evening events (hopefully preserving 5-6  family dinners weekly) may seem hard, but when you decide that your goal is legacy parenting, not popular parenting, it becomes easier to set limits. 

Too much running around makes for a less healthy diet, a messier house, and grumpier families who aren't bonding.

Today I have some research to share.

~ Teenagers who eat with their families at least five times a week are more likely to get better grades in school and much less likely to have substance abuse problems.

~ Today only about half of American teenagers say they have regular family dinners, and 34% of those meals are fast food.

~ Teens having family dinners five or more times a week were 42 percent less likely to drink alcohol, 59 percent less likely to smoke cigarettes, and 66 percent less likely to try marijuana.

~ Frequent family dinners were associated with better school performance, with teens 40 percent more likely to get A's and B's.

~  Family dinners were the most important family events in helping children develop language skills.


Family Dinner Tips:

~ Have coloring books, Playdoh, or building toys nearby for the preschoolers.

~ Go through the book of Proverbs over and over in short nightly chunks. Small chunks are conducive to larger families with small children, and the repetition over time will help the lessons sink into the heart.

~ Don't force children to eat. These struggles ruin the atmosphere and give your children unhealthy power over you, which could work into eating disorders later. And a related tip: Don't be a short order cook, but do try to keep meals appetizing to youngsters. No, I don't mean a steady diet of pizza, hamburgers, hotdogs and macaroni. But can you put in some pleasers each week, like tacos and spaghetti? And if the main dish doesn't please, can you put in side dishes they particularly like?

~ Don't worry about being a gourmet cook or presenting something new all the time. But if you need inspiration and help with organization, you could use a menu service that includes weekly recipes and grocery lists for a nominal fee. Here are three choices:

~ Here is a menu mailer service from Saving Dinner.com 
~ Menus4 Moms 
~ MomsMenuPlanner.com

~ If you don't want to use a menu planner, but you aren't particularly organized either, you might try rotating the same 10 - 12 meals so that your grocery list remains pretty much the same, with the exception of seasonal produce. You won't forget important ingredients and you're more likely to have what you need when you need it.

Family Dinner Questions (to rotate):

~ When did you think about God today? What made you think of Him?

~ What are you thankful for today?

~ What favorite verse or quote did you learn or read?

~ Name one new thing you learned.

~ Name one amazing thing you noticed.

~ Who blessed you today and how?

~ Who did you bless today?

~ What made you especially happy today?

~ Did anything make you sad?

~ Did God bring someone to your mind who needs prayer?  

~ Did God bring something to your mind that you need to change about yourself?


"The Perfect Dinner Table", by Edgar Guest

A tablecloth that's slightly soiled
Where greasy little hands have toiled;
The napkins kept in silver rings,
And only ordinary things
From which to eat, a simple fare,
And just the wife and kiddies there,
And while I serve, the clatter glad
Of little girl and little lad
Who have so very much to say
About the happenings of the day.

Four big round eyes that dance with glee,
Forever flashing joys at me,
Two little tongues that race and run
To tell of troubles and of fun;
The mother with a patient smile
Who knows that she must wait awhile
Before she'll get a chance to say
What she's discovered through the day.
She steps aside for girl and lad
Who have so much to tell their dad.

Our manners may not be the best;
Perhaps our elbows often rest
Upon the table, and at times
That very worst of dinner crimes,
That very shameful act and rude
Of speaking ere you've downed your food,
Too frequently, I fear, is done,
So fast the little voices run.
Yet why should table manners stay
Those tongues that have so much to say?

At many a table I have been
Where wealth and luxury were seen,
And I have dined in halls of pride
Where all the guests were dignified;
But when it comes to pleasure rare
The perfect dinner table's where
No stranger's face is ever known:
The dinner hour we spend alone,
When little girl and little lad
Run riot telling things to dad.

A Tribute to Inspire Mothers Everywhere

Tuesday isn't typically a posting day for me, but I wanted to share a tribute letter 29-year-old Sarah Clarkson wrote to her mother, Sally Clarkson, for Mother's Day. This portrait of Sally reminds us to live bravely as mothers, to boldly embrace life's offerings and have as our constant companion, God's grace. God's grace (love, faithfulness, joy, covering) is our strength. It is the love, the smile, the affirming nod that allows us to go forward, chartering new and beautiful and awe-inspiring territory.

I link to Sarah's letter for another reason, too. Of all the online writing I encounter, I find Sarah's prose the most beautiful, on par with Ann Voskamp's but easier to read. They are equals. Words are just to communicate, true, but when a gifted person weaves them together exquisitely, reading them is just as beautiful an experience as sitting at the base of the most beautiful mountain in the world, the scent of the wildflowers bringing joy to our noses, our eyes watching the amazing bees buzz and pollinate before us, feeling the breeze on our bare arms, and squinting in the sun at God's expanse of a mountain and its gorgeous companion lake. The whole scene reminding us of His great love affair with us, The Church.  

When we search out beauty, we find God. There's no other explanation for the beauty offered in nature. And there's no other explanation for the beauty we see in some people. God gifts us in different ways so that we all reflect some aspect of His character.

When Ann and Sarah write, it is as though God is speaking the beauty, as much as He speaks it with wildflowers and lakes and mountains. There are many talented non-Christian poets and author's, but the most beautiful pieces I encounter are always from people who love God...who call Him their strength and their song.

And it's no wonder.

Monday Blessings

Now is the time for blessings. Really, really, really time to count and give thanks for the beautiful, because there's plenty that's hard.

Last Sunday night Paul's asthma attack kept me up, and last night it was Beth and her coughing fits, twice making her vomit. Her methotrexate is an immuno-suppressant drug that makes it hard to get over illnesses, and she's also suffering from seasonal allergies.

Anyway, holding her at a sixty degree angle all night so the post-nasal drip would stop making her cough, while she thrashed about trying to lie flat, felt like a CIA torture chamber. Every time I would nod off she would have another coughing spasm. I decided against cough medicine because her cough was productive and I knew her body was trying to prevent pneumonia.

And of course you know it's always a cruel joke the way they perk up in the morning, after keeping you up all night with their cold symptoms. You think it will be a sick day and you'll read storybooks and watch thrift store movies under blankets with bowls of popcorn by your side.

But no, by day they're energizer bunnies, at least until 3 PM, at which time they fall apart emotionally, about the same time you're falling apart.

But God.

Always, there's beauty. Even in this portrait of maternal misery. Grace, that is. Children remind us that nothing's all that bad. That the sun comes out in the morning. That every day is new, fresh. That in all things, we can give thanks.

Thank you, Father, for these graces and blessings:

~ Paul went all day Sunday not needing his inhaler

~ The children presenting me with their exquisite handmade Mother's Day gifts, setting my heart all aflutter.

~ A chocolate pie for dessert

~ The little autistic boy I work with in the church nursery sitting in my lap, finally, and letting me look at books with him. I had to grab him, literally. The pressure of touch allows him to concentrate somehow, whereas otherwise he just wanders around the nursery aimlessly, ignoring everybody and touching the walls and the textures. He seems to need constant physical stimuli. He didn't want me to read the books, but he pointed to each letter of the alphabet and identified them! He doesn't speak otherwise, but he said each letter so that I could discern his speech. God spoke to me while little Rowan sat in my lap, his hair smelling so fresh and clean. If we take the time to really understand, there are no disabilities, just differences.

~ Peter reading book after book to little Ashton, the music pastor's daughter, in the nursery yesterday.

~ Beautiful children's fall and summer clothing finds at the thrift store

~ Husband showering Beth, again, while I took care of the vomit sheets.

~ None of the other children waking up, miraculously, when Momma shouted, "Help...she's throwing up! Please get me a throw-up bowl!"

~A jewel of a movie, very old, found at the thrift store and set in 1903, called So Dear to my Heart about a little boy in love with a pet lamb he takes to the county fair. So heartwarming.

~ A son excited about what the earth will yield from tiny seeds. And the miracle of the seed bringing us awe year after year.

~ Seeds representing the hope God asks from us as we wake each day. Dedicate the day to Me and watch me grow something beautiful out of it.

A Mother's Day Devotional

2 Corinthians 12:9 so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God's power.

I love the idea of Mother's Day. It's a day to honor both the mother and her sacred calling.

The day, in my mind, is filled with images of special teas or special, relaxing lunches. Those never happen to me, but Mother's Day still reminds me of them. I think of bouquets of wild flowers picked with tiny, eager hands. Of hand-written notes scribbled with devotion and unfailing love.

Something like the latter happens here, in the form of construction paper Mother's Day projects, colorful weeds picked from various corners of the yard, and busy hands and heads thinking several days before what they can put together that would be extra special.

Sometimes, okay most of the time, the projects just create more work for me, like the paints that still sat on the dining room table at 6:45 PM last evening, just as dinner was ready. Not to mention the glue stick film on the table, and the stray pieces of tape sticking to the wood floor. I have the patience for these things of course, but it's a conscious choice to be gracious.

I don't always choose graciousness while scraping pieces of tape off the wood floor, but on the day before Mother's Day, it's just easier.

I'm still in the trenches here so the day itself is never ideal. Sometimes, Mother's Day is downright rotten. There are still the dishes and the loads of laundry. Mud still gets tracked in on rainboots. Clothes I painstakingly fluffed and hung in the boys' room still manage to find their way onto the floor of the closet--at least on Peter's side.

We all have an idea of the mother we want to be; it's awfully hard to shake that ideal. It haunts us when special circumstances render us everyday failures.

When you can't succeed no matter how hard you try, what's the answer?

Ephesians 3:16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being

First, let me tell you what's not the answer. Slay the following and lay them at the Lord's feet:

~ envy
~ pride
~ disillusionment
~ blaming

Motherhood is noble, even when we feel like failures at it.
Motherhood is a blessing, even when it threatens to kill us early.
Motherhood is for us, even if we're lacking the qualities we think we need.

Motherhood is bigger than any individual mother. It is hard and it's noble and we are blessed to be called to it by our Heavenly Father. And if you've never conceived, you can still be a mother to someone who never had a loving mother. There are many girls and women who need to be mothered, still. A mother isn't just someone who conceives, but someone who tenderly sacrificies her desires for another and never stops believing it's worth it.

The best mother is not the one in ideal circumstances..."normal" children, good health, good income, plenty of support. The more ideal the circumstances, the more the P word rears its ugly head. Pride. A prideful person is rarely admirable in anything, so if want to be admirable, we certainly shouldn't waste time envying women in ideal circumstances.

So...what kind of mother is ideal? What kind of mother can we look up too, and strive to be like?

Just today...a very trying day...it came to me. 

An ideal mother dusts herself off after an ugly day and wakes up the next morning with joy, rather than dread. She knows what saves her. Something bigger than her. Something farther reaching in power and scope than what she's capable of on her best day.

Grace.

Yes, the ideal mother knows grace, intimately.

She opens her hands to the free gift. To the saving rope that keeps her from drowning.

Failure does not define her. It rolls off of her. Discouragement does not rule her, it only prompts her. Prompts her to accept it again and again, with a smile....Grace.

Children don't need a perfect mother who never yells, who never gets ugly when her work is spoiled by mud or laziness. They don't need a mother who never locks herself in the bathroom to cry.

Our children need a mother who knows Grace. Who happily grabs that saving rope, immediately, and gives thanks for it.

2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

The worst thing we can do is let our failures define us, discourage us, and take the wind from our sails. Satan loves to upset the mother, for he knows that much rides on her ability to love. Discouragement takes us inward, not outward. It makes us selfish, not sacrificial.

When we're doing it in our own strength, we know discouragement, intimately.

The wind in our sails is not our own striving, but His Grace.

Grace is Jesus cleansing us. Grace is power. Grace is strength. Grace is ability we don't have. Grace is even joy.

It's the wind in our motherly sails, so catch it today and every day.

Philippians 4:13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength


Edgar Guest Poem

"Where's Mamma"

Comes in flying from the street;
"Where's Mamma?"
Friend or stranger thus he'll greet:
"Where's Mamma?"
Doesn't want to say hello,
Home from school or play he'll go
Straight to what he wants to know:
"Where's Mamma?"
Many times a day he'll shout,
"Where's Mamma?"
Seems afraid that she's gone out;
"Where's Mamma?"
Is his first thought at the door--
She's the one he's looking for,
And he questions o'er and o'er,
"Where's Mamma?"
Can't be happy till he knows:
"Where's Mamma?"
So he begs us to disclose
"Where's Mamma?"
And it often seems to me,
As I hear his anxious plea,
That no sweeter phrase can be: "Where's Mamma?"
Like to hear it day by day;
"Where's Mamma?"
Loveliest phrase that lips can say:
"Where's Mamma?"
And I pray as time shall flow,
And the long years come and go,
That he'll always want to know
"Where's Mamma?"

sniff sniff..love that poem

Happy Mother's Day, my dear friends!

Homeschool Mother's Journal, 5/10/13

In my life this week…
9-year-old Paul's asthma attack and his subsequent suffering from extremely itching, burning allergy eyes. Gotta love that grass and tree pollen. Medicine helps little and only God's grace keeps the sufferers from going insane. I feel so sorry for my husband and son, as this could go on another month.

My 11-year-old son learned to mow and use a weed-whacker, much to his delight. It's his favorite pastime now and my yard looks better than it ever has.

We're going to plant flower seeds this week too, mother and son; it makes him so happy that I would work in the dirt with him. Usually the inside keeps me so busy it's hard to get outside. I'm so thankful for all his grown-up help, especially since my husband doesn't get home until 7PM.

In our homeschool this week…
I'm thinking tonight that our current read-aloud, Cheaper by the Dozen, is too mature for my boys.



The humor is more appropriate for high school-aged kids (mine are 9 and 11). I don't know what Sonlight was thinking in including this book for upper elementary kids. It even discusses what boys want from girls in high school. Perhaps many people felt as I do about its maturity, because it has been discontinued in Sonlight. I added it in because we needed some more read-alouds, but I don't think I'll even finish it myself.

What makes a book worth my time, or our time, I have to ask? The goal of this book's authors (brother and sister write autobiographically about this family of 12) is to amuse only. I like to see more than one good attribute in a book. Especially, I like at least one character significantly changed for the better, and I like the character's betterment to speak something important to my children and me. I don't see any depth like that in this book. As I said it's just humor and at times the Lord's name is used in vain because the father spoke this way. Not every chapter, but enough to cheapen the humor. Leaving out the words of course, it would make some fun for a family of teenagers to experience the book with Mom and Dad.

I will definitely make time this summer break to preread Sonlight's read-alouds as well as the readers. This year I've only found time to preread the readers. There are many jewels and a few lemons in every year of Sonlight. What is one family's jewel might be another's lemon and vice versa, which is to be expected from any literature-based curriculum.

Paul just finished The Kitchen Madonna by Rumer Godden, which is a delightful, intriguing story about a boy, Gregory, suffering from attachment disorder because of nannies who've come and gone too often.



His parents are busy architects, both of them. Gregory is healed by his sacrificial love for his new housekeeper, who is from the Ukraine and terribly homesick and melancholy--not so different from what Gregory himself feels on a daily basis. He goes to great lengths, coming out of his shell in the process, to make her a "good place" in the family kitchen. It's so simple, yet so profound at the same time. The healing power of love is on display and when you finish this short book, you're better off for having given it your time.

Peter is almost done with The Seven Wonders of Sassafras Springs by Betty Birney, about a boy whose father challenges him to find seven wonders in his own town--a town the boy previously thought of as boring.



He finds, through his contacts with neighbors and family, that his town is anything but boring and that all around us, if we take the time to look, there are wonders.

For social studies and science the boys are still reading the books I mentioned last week: The Story of Inventions and See and Explores Space, Stars, Planets, and Spacecraft






We continue to enjoy using Susan Wise Bauer's Writing With Ease, Level 4. We're all learning so much new information as we go. It truly is a worthwhile resource and so easy to use, especially if you have reluctant writers.

The girls' ( ages 4 and 6) favorite read-alouds this week were:



This delightful book, Over and Over, by the talented Charlotte Zolotow, teaches a preschooler about the seasons and holidays of the year. The illustrations are so beautiful you want to get lost in them. Really. We've all loved this and little Beth has requested at least six readings already.



The Full Belly Bowl is a long-time favorite we keep checking out again and again.

Dear Friend, the tiny note reads,
In appreciation of your kindness and generosity,
I leave you this Full Belly Bowl.
You need never know hunger again.
Use it wisely or it will be a burden.
To empty, pour it out.
When not in use, store it upside down and out of reach of children.

This magnificent story is anything but predictable and every page keeps the family riveted. In the end the old man no longer has his full belly bowl, but he's much happier than before and a little wiser.





The Seashore Book, also by Charolotte Zolotow, takes you to the sea in your mind, helping you smell the scents and feel the textures and hear the sounds of the ocean.

"What is the seashore like?" a little boy asked his mother. He lived in the mountains and had never been to the sea.

His mother smiled. "Let's pretend," she said.

And Charlotte, one of my favorite children's authors, true to her craft, shows instead of tells. She makes you feel as though you're right there, among the waves. Beautiful story.

The girls also enjoyed a Mother's Day story, a craft, and movement games at the library on Tuesday. They were so proud when giving me their Mother's Day present!

In other Pre K-K news, I've found that the lower case letters, the ones that look alike, are giving them trouble. We spend some time each day matching upper and lower case letters so they can distinguish u and n and h and all the others that look similar. The capitals are no problem.

When you think of all the letters and numbers kids this age need to learn to print, it's overwhelming for both teacher and students. Starting in the correct place and going the correct way to start is the hardest part. Penmanship is my least favorite thing to teach.

Every child has the hand strength and visual memory at different times. Writing them in the air and on large paper over and over in crayon helps with visual memory too. It's all very tedious, even though we have a good handwriting program.

My favorite thing this week was…
The AWANA awards assembly on Wednesday. The kids stand up there and receive awards for their hard work and they recite a verse or verses that they particularly liked from that year. I was so proud as both my boys overachieved and all the kids did very well on their verses, despite stage fright. This nine-year scripture memorization program is so worth a family's time. I can't think of any other extra-curricular activity that prepares a child so well for life as a Christian.

Yes, it is hard work. It requires perseverance and a heart for God, but the outcome is simply and utterly beautiful...a child who goes out into the world with a strong biblical foundation, with scores of verses hiding in his heart so he can find his way in a confusing world.

The program scaffolds nicely to provide age-appropriate verses, and there's enough review that the child is not simply memorizing and then forgetting, like Friday's spelling words. And because they must show up knowing their verses each week, everyone at home is kept accountable, which isn't necessarily the case if you work on memorization alone at home. The kids want to do well. They really want to achieve and grow in Christ.

There are also weekly Bible lessons, weekly incentives, and weekly PE games and many special things to look forward to, like the AWANA derby. It runs from Sept. to May. on Wednesdays from 6:30 to 8:00 PM. Look into it for your family here?

My kiddos favorite thing this week was…
AWANA awards and seeing the fruits of their hard labor recognized and celebrated. Knowing that Mommy and Daddy are moved to tears over your efforts and growth is a priceless benefit in and of itself.

Things I’m working on…
We have a very large flowerbed that is part shade and we're hunting up the right seed packets to make it flower nicely this year. There aren't a lot of choices for part shade so this is challenging. We can't afford to buy annuals every year.

I’m cooking…
for dinner so far this week....taco bake, cheesy eggs and cafe potatoes, pasta with turkey sausage, pumpkin pancakes and fruit, and I can't remember the fifth thing.

I’m grateful for…
...the chapter books my little Beth, age 4, carries around everywhere. She even checked out chapter books from the library instead of picture books this week, telling me she loves books and could she please have these? She sits on the couch with the open chapter books in her lap, pretending to read them to her dollies. Or she just sits there by herself, pretending to read them silently.

My husband is driven a little crazy by all the chapter books she gets off the shelves and leaves around the house, but being a teacher I'm just tickled at the whole thing. I indulge her in this, just asking her to come and get them.

I'm grateful for God's grace for my son, who feels like screaming over his itchy eyes...and does scream at times. The more he bothers the area the more histamine the body produces, creating a puffy, horrifically ugly mess of his eyes. He is learning mind over matter with God's grace. He uses the allergy eye drops the doctor prescribed but in bad allergy years they're not enough.

I'm grateful for little Mary, age 6, telling me that when she grows up she will own only as much as she needs, and she will live simply. I teach this and we write to three Compassion children in three different countries, but it's quite a thing to have a 6 year old announce that she's made this decision about her own life. That she won't covet. And the truth is she rarely asks for any material thing, compared to her siblings. Yes, I know children will change, but God has spoken to her heart and I'm incredibly awed.

There are so many challenges and setbacks in raising children, but when you discover a bright spot like this, it lights up your heart and helps you keep fighting the good fight for the Lord, without growing weary.

I’m praying for…a list of supplication prayers and for my son and my husband re allergy issues.

I rewarded my kids this week by…
Dairy Queen


A photo, video, link, or quote to share (silly, serious or both!)…

Edward Guest poems (20 August 1881 - 5 August 1959)


Mother by Edgar Guest

Never a sigh for the cares that she bore for me
Never a thought of the joys that flew by;
Her one regret that she couldn't do more for me,
Thoughtless and selfish, her Master was I.

Oh, the long nights that she came at my call to me!
Oh, the soft touch of her hands on my brow!
Oh, the long years that she gave up her all to me!
Oh, how I yearn for her gentleness now!

Slave to her baby! Yes, that was the way of her,
Counting her greatest of services small;
Words cannot tell what this old heart would say of her,
Mother -- the sweetest and fairest of all.


He Who Serves, by Edgar Guest

He has not served who gathers gold,
Nor has he served, whose life is told
In selfish battles he has won,
Or deeds of skill that he has done;
But he has served who now and then
Has helped along his fellow men.

The world needs many men today;
Red-blooded men along life's way,
With cheerful smiles and helping hands,
And with the faith that understands
The beauty of the simple deed
Which serves another's hour of need.

Strong men to stand beside the weak,
Kind men to hear what others speak;
True men to keep our country's laws
And guard its honor and its cause;
Men who will bravely play life's game
Nor ask rewards of gold and fame.

Teach me to do the best I can
To help and cheer our fellow man;
Teach me to lose my selfish need
And glory in the larger deed
Which smoothes the road, and lights the day
For all who chance to come my way. 

Happy Mother's Day to all!

I know these journals are long and a hearty thank you if you've ever gotten to the end of one of them. Secretly, when I read a short one? I feel cheated. I love me a long, long letter with lots of internal thoughts penned.