A Portrait of True Hospitality

The surest way to judge someone's hospitality gift is to take your touchy-feely littles over to their house. Do you know what I'm saying, mamas? The experience can be warm and wonderful, or nerve-wracking and disastrous. You might drive away from one house with the warm fuzzies, and from another horribly embarrassed and lecturing the little ones.

And afterwards, spankings handed out at home, you slump in a chair, wondering what in the world happened. You don't often have this kind of trouble with them; by golly, what was it today ?

Maybe you feel a tad guilty for disciplining them, because somehow, you feel partially responsible.

I'm not saying kids should be allowed to climb all over furniture and break knickknacks, making nuisances of themselves. It might happen occasionally with the under-four set, but it's never okay; discipline required.

Today we took a quick trip over to an aunt's house and stayed outside. We hadn't been there in quite some time, and we found they had new things in their yard, like a brick-bordered flowerbed and an eye-level windchime. My 4-and 6-year-old girls were touchy-feely, wanting to rattle the windchime a bit and walk along the brick border. I said no and pulled them away, but it took a few times for them to get the message. They weren't rough or doing any harm; they couldn't have ruined anything they touched or stepped on. I just wanted to prevent any disasters and set the tone.

One thing's for sure, they didn't understand my nervous vibes. 

Friends, this aunt and uncle care about their stuff. They don't want little hands checking out the lace on their curtains. There's no materialism in the sense that they buy every new thing--they live modestly in fact--but their house is filled with knickknacks purchased as gifts probably from their kids and grandkids. Nothing pricey, but there's always the nervous tension that comes when people who care about their stuff encounter little children.

I feel this tension the moment we arrive, and it steadily climbs. My kids are curious in that house, possibly because I have very few knickknacks, preferring a tidier look to my rooms. Neither my walls nor my tabletops are cluttered or busy.

As soon as we got into the van after the 20-minute visit, I was livid with the girls. My aunt hadn't seen them in quite a while and her impression was surely that they were testy, ornery girls, when in fact, I rarely have trouble with them in public places.

Once home, as the clocked ticked into the afternoon, I continued to teach, hang laundry, and wipe down bathrooms, but all the while I stewed and tried to get to the bottom of the whole behavioral nightmare and what part I might have played in it.

It really puzzled me, because in the last two weeks we've been to the AWANA leader's house twice, and both times it was a wonderful experience.

Do you know what Erica, the leader said, almost right away, the first time my 4-year-old reached to touch something?

"Oh, that's okay. They can touch anything; I don't care about my stuff."

She had few knickknacks, thank goodness, and what's more, she hadn't bothered to mop or vacuum before the two social events we were there for. There wasn't clutter, but since the house was also home to two frisky dogs, it definitely didn't have a clean appearance.

I marveled at this because I stress about my house and clean it right perfect before I have guests...at great cost to the whole family and to my time. I would probably have people over a lot more if I didn't feel a certain level of cleanliness was required. Clutter is not good, but do all the floors need mopped, and does the bathroom need to shine just so, as well as the wood?

For heaven's sake, no. Why can't I get that?

My whole family loves going to Erica's house, who is a wife and a mom to two teens, and a children's church coordinator. She loves my kids and she loves having us and many more families over for cookouts.

She says the same thing to every parent: "I don't care about my stuff."

And something happens to every parent upon hearing this. They relax. And the more relaxed Mom and Dad are, the less the kids get testy. The better they behave and the more they charm, because there's no tension in the air to mess everyone's emotions up.

The Lord opened my eyes to several things today, including my ugly pride.

I'm not exactly going to give my girls an apology for spanking them after the visit, because they did defy me, after all, about touching things.

But now I'm more keenly aware of the tension-over-stuff phenomena that occurs at some houses. And instead of going to those houses, I'll invite them to my house instead, if possible.

Here, we don't care about our stuff.

And in the future, this Momma is going to care less about cleanliness and concentrate instead on clearing clutter. I'm far more likely to extend hospitality when I only have clutter to attend to, and not three hours of cleaning on top of it.

Will people notice some dirt? Maybe. Will it make them think less of me? Probably not. Will they feel comfortable in my home, like they can relax, put their feet up and enjoy the fellowship? Absolutely.

What would Jesus do? 

He would care about people. The human angle always...never the material angle. He would have Christians gather together often, not just in the church building on Sunday, but in each other's homes, building one another up in Christ. Laughing, dining, loving, praying. Doing life together and bearing burdens.

Now, your turn. What have you learned about hospitality?

Ephesians 6:7
Rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man,

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Behold Wondrous Things

We're blessed to have a pastor who, though only 33 years old, preaches very well and bravely exhorts as well. He's quick to remind us that if we can't find our Bibles on Sunday morning in the rush to get ready for church, perhaps it's because we haven't opened them since the previous Sunday?

Our Heavenly Father has so much for us. He's wanting always to give us good gifts, and guess where the bulk of those gifts are kept?

That's right...in our Bibles. God beckons us to come to Him and receive. Come and be filled to overflowing.

God's plan is for our stay here on Earth to be rich in meaning, love, joy, and peace, despite the human condition.

But Satan has a plan too. There's much in the world that makes our stay here rotten, like the stench of sin. The allure, and then the stench, is everywhere. We can't protect ourselves or our children enough.

The speech teacher three of my children go to has a speech game on her iPad. Twice monthly we go to speech and yet I hadn't heard anything about this iPad. I didn't realize my girls knew of the existence of the iPad, since no commericals come into our home. There's a lot we spare them by not having a TV signal, and by not using the Internet as TV.  I don't even realize all that we're missing, but I'm grateful.

But suddenly, this week, my mostly-unmaterialistic girls are asking for an iPad and I'm grieving at their coveting.

We teach purchasing on a needs-basis only, with few exceptions per year (such as pre-used, purposeful items). Our Compassion children's faces on our kitchen cupboards remind us of where our money is better spent. There's a sinful discrepancy in the way the first world lives compared to the third world, and I don't want to be a part of that discrepancy, except to try to correct it.

Well girls, I said, an iPad might be necessary for competing in the business world, but we're not in that world so we won't be getting one; we have a computer already. Think of the significant, life-changing benefits our Compassion children would enjoy with the same $400 - $700. And you? You would just have a second computer....one that would entice you to spend more and more.

But even before the words left my mouth, I knew my lecturing was worthless next to the Power of God; only God changes hearts. I'm an imperfect parent and as such, I have no power by myself. My only power comes from God...the oral reading (for my girls especially) and teaching of the Word of God, and my prayers.

Maybe in your house it isn't an iPad and materialism this week, but a teen who wants to date and touch. You can try hard to keep your teen separated from her beloved beau, but ultimately, the Word of God and your prayers are the real power.

As parents and as Christians, we can't afford to leave the Bible on the end-table or bedside, unopened, all week. Doing so is trading God's peace for Satan's stench. It doesn't take long for a Christian worldview to water down, inviting sin into our lives.

Dear Friends, none of us is immune. We desperately need the Word of God, everyday. If there's a newborn in the house or littles and we can't manage everyday, then can we listen to the Word of God, with just an Internet connection? We can do it! We just have to understand the impact and thirst for more of God.

Prayer Time: Dear Heavenly Father, we love you. We thank you for the wondrous gifts you offer in your Word. May we receive those gifts unto ourselves and thirst for more. Make us thirst for your peace and your righteousness, not Solomon's empty experiences. The world empties us, but you fill us. Oh, Lord, may we be filled to overflowing and bring glory to You.

In Jesus' Name I pray, Amen.

Here are some scriptures that teach the value and the gift of God's Word:

Psalm 119:105     
Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.

Joshua 1:8     
This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.

Romans 15:4     
For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, that through endurance and through the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.

Hebrews 4:12          
For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.

Psalm 119:18 Open my eyes, that I may behold wondrous things out of your law.

1 Peter 2:2
Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up into salvation—

2 Timothy 3:16-17     
All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work.

Matthew 4:4          
But he answered, “It is written, “‘Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.’”

Psalm 119:10-11          
With my whole heart I seek you; let me not wander from your commandments! I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.

Baked Beans to Die For

I'm bringing baked beans to a Memorial Day bash, so I went searching. Bless my soul, what do I find but a delicious recipe with a photo tutorial on the Pioneer Woman website. You won't be sorry, friends. Try it. You'll need to bake it 2 hours, so plan ahead. Otherwise, it's easy.

http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/2009/08/the-best-baked-beans-ever/

The Folly of Pain Avoidance

 

Psalm 119:67-71

Before I was afflicted I went astray,

but now I obey your word.

You are good, and what you do is good;
teach me your decrees.

Though the arrogant have smeared me with lies,
I keep your precepts with all my heart.

Their hearts are callous and unfeeling,
but I delight in your law. 

It was good for me to be afflicted
so that I might learn your decrees.

My rebound headache situation worsened so I decided to go cold turkey and not take anything at all for my migraines for 30 days straight. Rebound headaches, also called medication-overuse-headaches (MOH), are the third leading cause of all headaches, though they're still poorly understood by most physicians. 

How do they start? Over-the-counter headache medicines (and prescription headache medicines) are not designed to be used more than twice a week. When a tension headache or migraine headache sufferer begins to use them more than twice weekly, the headaches come back (rebound) as the body develops a tolerance or addiction to the medicine. If the cycle continues--have headache reach for medicine--eventually the headaches occur daily, and sometimes more than once daily.

We tend to think of addiction as something that comes with serious prescription medicine, but the fact is even Tylenol can be a culprit, especially if it's paired with caffeine. A Tylenol/caffeine cocktail is what I've taken for 17 years for migraines. Otherwise, I am not a caffeine consumer; I avoid coffee, tea, and soda, and only get a tiny bit of caffeine in a handful of semisweet chocolate chips. Caffeine is a definite culprit for many headache sufferers. If you don't get your morning brew, do you get a headache? That is a rebound headache--your body pleading with you to give it what it is addicted to, in this case, caffeine.

I never sought prescription medicine because for the first years of rebound pain, I didn't know what was happening. Then later I either hoped to get pregnant, or was pregnant, or was long-term breastfeeding. 

Now that my last child has mostly weaned herself, I can seek something better, but I know it wouldn't help unless I break the rebound cycle first, since a prescription medicine will cause the same issue.

To cure a rebound pain cycle, go without medicine for 30 days straight. To avoid a rebound headache cycle, remember the 2-5 rule. You can take something for two days straight, but then don't take anything else for 5 full days. You can't cheat and take Tylenol for two days, and then take ibuprofen for the next five days. No, you have to go five full days without any medicine, no matter the pain level.

I knew living life with a raging migraine was going to be extremely difficult with four children around making noise, needing me, and sometimes squabbling. How would I keep up with meals and chores, I wondered? The ideal mother, in my mind, was not someone frequently lying down with ice on her head, pleading with everyone to be quieter and to stop shaking the bed. Light, glare, noise, and motion aggravate a migraine. Eventually, a migraine leads to nausea and vomiting and this can be scary for children. I wanted to avoid upsetting my children and husband, and I wanted to avoid severe pain.

When you go cold turkey in your approach, it can take between 2 days and 10 days to feel better, and some people will continue to have daily headaches for weeks or months. If you take prescription medicine, check with your doctor first, as some will cause seizures if stopped abruptly.

This has been and will continue to be very hard on my family and on me, but hopefully by one month we'll be through it. When the cycle is broken I will still get intermittent migraines, probably until after menopause, but I'll be a lot healthier and my family will have developed strategies to endure mom's migraines.

The huge lesson for me and for my family has been this: We can't avoid pain. 

Modern medicine has been such a blessing in coming up with vaccines and antibiotics, and with medicines and protocols for treating diseases like my daughter's juvenile rheumatoid arthritis. JRA used to be an awful life sentence for children, but now there's so much they can do.

Sometimes though, medicine can be a curse. It makes us forget something important about life: that it is painful. It's smart to judicially avoid some pain, but trying to avoid all of it is a serious character flaw.

Have a difficult marriage or a difficult child or relative? Have a difficult boss or coworker? Do you have chronic pain, either from headaches or from an injury or disease? Life will entail pain and it will take many different emotional and physical forms. Sometimes, we just have to endure it, rather than pop a pill, get a divorce, or change jobs.

Pain avoidance comes from what, mostly? Cowardice and lack of faith. And sometimes from shame; we don't want to be perceived as sickly or weak. We avoid the pain because we assume we won't be able to endure it. That God is not big enough to get us through it. 

But in truth, our pain leads us to the Lord more often then we'd otherwise go to him  And our Lord? Where does He lead us? To peace and joy of soul.

My 9-year-old Paul keeps saying he wants me to be happy, and why did God have to give me migraines? It's been a wonderful opportunity to teach that even though my face shows pain, not happiness, my soul is ever at peace, finding joy in my Lord and in my family.

Don't look to someone's outside, my son, and check for happiness. Happiness is fleeting, like your short turn on the trampoline. But look instead at the soul, and check for peace and joy. When you're looking for friends and later for a wife, don't be deceived by happiness, which can hide a whole lot. People addicted to happiness won't be along for the long haul; they don't have what it takes.

It's peace and joy of soul--having a heart that beats for God--that makes a person healthy...that makes marriages last...that allows cancer sufferers to thrive...that makes a grieving parent want to live again. 

It's peace and joy of soul that make a life rich. 

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. (Ps 23)

Finally Some Pictures

AWANA derby cars. These won first and second place in design.

 

 Husband worked overtime and bought us another camera. The other broke after Thanksgiving so I haven't posted pictures in several months. Catching up just a little today.

 

I fought a four-day migraine off and on and got behind on a lot of chores, so I'm refraining from regular posting until I catch up.

 

We also saw the ENT and found out that Beth's tonsils and adenoids both need to come out in July. She's at definite risk of sleep apnea because the tonsils are nearly a four, the maximum size. It will be so nice to see her breathing normally again, but this surgery can be a long recovery if the child refuses to drink a lot up front.  Miss Beth is a terrible patient--she just withdraws into herself from the trauma of the whole thing and refuses to drink. I will try slurpees and popsicles and a whole lot of prayer.

 

I was dismayed to learn that she has to go 20 days without any arthritis medicine to prevent a bleeding episode (ten days before and 10 days after surgery). I hate the thought of her well-controlled arthritis becoming a problem again. With God's grace though, this break from medicine could go well. It all depends on what God has for us, and on our choice to have an open hand to all he has for us, both pleasant and otherwise.

 

I had to practice that open-handedness while down with migraines.



Paul's jubilant jump when he found out he won first place in derby car design.

A salamander found on a recent nature field trip.

Rose-breasted grosbeak, a rare find for us.

hikers and nature seekers

You don't see California-mountain majestic beauty here in Ohio, but there's plenty of everyday beauty.

All are happy after the AWANA awards assembly.

 

It's plenty hot here this week, but this one of Beth was taken on an April nature hike.

My Mary also on an April hike.

Blessings to Give thanks for....

...the air conditioner wasn't broken afterall. Maybe it was the 7 loads of laundry I did on a hot day, that popped the breaker?

...quality library programs

...a fun church picnic

...a fun backyard barbecue at the AWANA leaders' house, at which my kids jumped their hearts out on the trampoline.

...the migraine subsided

...a good doctor for my Beth

...Beth, age 4 years, 5 months, self-weaning with nary a tear from either of us. It happened so naturally and beautifully and both of us were apparently ready. I'm sure there'll be a handful of nursings left as there's still a little milk to be had, but she remembers it less and less, sometimes going three days without asking. I give thanks to a glorious God for 12 years of nearly continuous nursing. I will look back on them as the best years of my life. I had my difficulties at first with each child, with Beth having the hardest time learning to nurse (one whole month!), but the rewards and blessings far outweigh those early, anxious, desperate tears. (4 years old is the average world-wide age for children to self-wean.)