Helping Your Child With Anxieties & Disorders

As I mentioned a few weeks ago, we decided it was time to obtain therapy for my son Peter's OCD. Psychiatrists categorize patients who have certain common OCD behaviors as "counters," "cleaners," "checkers," and "hoarders."

My Peter is a "checker" and a "cleaner" (washing his hands), and both components were getting worse, increasing his stress, my stress, and our family stress. OCD commonly occurs with ADHD and Tourette's Syndrome (Tourette's Syndrome is a verbal and motor tic disorder). Peter has both of these comorbid conditions, all related neurologically.

He is on the lowest dose of Prozac, which is a standard first-line OCD drug, but his weight is now 95 pounds, so the 10 mg dose is not as effective. However, there are no side-effects with this low dose, so before increasing it, we thought therapy was warranted.

It looks like we're moving on to plan B, though, which I'll get to in a minute. They gave Peter an intern, most likely because of our inferior insurance. OCD can worsen if a patient receives poor therapy, and though I was aware of this, I decided to try the intern out for a brief time and see what happened.

At the first formal, non-paperwork visit, she conducted a get-to-know-you session in which she revealed without shame that she's living with her fiance. I don't expect non-Christians to act like Christians, and I totally understand why she didn't think her lifestyle was cause for shame.

OCD has a religious distortion component for some people. This means that if they encounter an immoral situation or immoral person, they panic and feel they're going to be corrupted. In his case, he has to keep checking with me, "Am I in sin? Am I in sin?" If I don't answer quickly that he's fine, he comes unglued.

A "checking" behavior is also repeatedly checking to see if the stove burners are off, or if the front door is locked. Peter's checking behaviors all revolve around asking me for assurance. If I don't answer, as I said, he comes unglued. But the more I play a part in his compulsive checking, the worse the condition becomes in his brain. The more he "checks" the more he has to check. The less he checks, the less his brain pressures him to check.

So, OCD therapy must help a child boss back his brain, so he can get the upper hand over it. The voice in the head will still be there telling him to check, but he won't be as bothered  - it will lose power over him, without exactly disappearing.

As soon as Peter understood that the therapist was living with her fiance, he shut down and wanted out of there ASAP. Going back will be futile.

Besides, I was not invited into the session (I have my three other children in tow). This made me extremely uncomfortable, and Peter uncomfortable as well, since she was a complete stranger to us. And OCD or not, I don't want him with a worldly counselor.

As soon as he said..."I never want to go back there again."...and told me why, I completely agreed with him.

So, plan B.

Enter Dawn Huebner, Ph.D. The link on her name will take you to her author page.

I did quite a bit of research before deciding to recommend her books here. They're well received all over the world and translated into many different languages. Countless children and families have been helped by her work. Kids love these books! And parents, too.

She's written several that might help your family, so I'm including all of them here. I'll be ordering a few more myself. Paul has anxiety and milder OCD, and Mary has anxiety and possibly the beginning of OCD - all inherited, unfortunately. These issues start surfacing at 6 to 7 years old - prior to age 7, anxiety is thought to be benign and just a part of childhood.













I hope something here can help you with whatever your child and family may be facing. Blessings to you, and remember, none of this is your fault.

Sharing also with Works For Me Wednesday at We Are That Family.

Homeschool and Mother's Journal Feb 2

In my life this week:

We decided on some Bible study materials for our new adult Bible Study. We'll use Fruit of the Spirit 48 Bible Studies. We'll also read one missionary book about every 4 to 6 weeks, starting with David Platt's Radical. Radical is not your typical missionary book, but it's a nice start. I've wanted to read it for a couple years now. Thankfully, I found three good used copies to keep our costs down.

In a sign that God is with us on this, the books arrived on Friday, a day ahead of our first planned Bible study. Our first study went very well and I'm so pleased with our new community.





Peter's stomach virus lasted only 24 hours - another sign God is with us on the new Bible study. We didn't have to cancel and no one else got sick.

As I wrote last week, I've begun working out to the Weight Watchers Get Moving Mix DVD, recently found at a thrift store. I still love it! (And little Beth does too! :) I did it Mon-Wed-Fri this week, which is probably not enough to get totally fit, but on Saturday I do a major strenuous house cleaning, compared to my normal weekday maintenance cleaning. On weeks we don't have any doctor's appointments, I can hopefully work out five days a week.


This has been a busy blogging week, as I've helped spread the word about Compassion International's Ugandan Blogging trip. The bloggers are now are their way back home, and so far 243 children have been sponsored as a result of the trip, which is short of the 400-children goal. The number could still go up as people continue to spread the word. Please help? Use this link to encourage your readers to check out the trip and its posts and photos? Thank you!

We sponsored 14-year-old Sheila from Uganda this week! She showed up on my Compassion account just a couple hours later, enabling me to write my first online letter to her, which thrilled me. I wrote through tears. I tell you, when you click "sponsor me" next to a child's name, God puts a powerful love in your heart for your new "adopted" child. It's this God-given love, and the prayers and letters that arise from it, that change your sponsored child's heart and life. Even the founder of Compassion International, Wess Stafford, tells people, if you won't write a child, don't bother sponsoring at all. The letters are that crucial. Poverty tells a child he or she doesn't matter, and our letters counter that. Letters speak love, hope, encouragement into a child's heart.

And the letters? They change you, too. Sponsorship is a two-way blessing, and in fact, reaching one child can change a whole neighborhood, because with your sponsorship comes Jesus. Compassion does everything in Jesus' name - they always have and always will. Praise God! Even if you don't have the extra $38 a month, I encourage you to sponsor, and watch how fast God provides that $38 and more.

You can't afford not to sponsor, is my philosophy.

In our homeschool this week:

The boys are finishing up their Russia studies in Sonlight's Core F Eastern Hemisphere, and next week we move on to Central Asia and then India. They will read Genghis Khan and the Mongol Horde, and Whatever Happened to Penny Candy (an Uncle Eric Economics book). Peter is done with Just So Stories by Rudyard Kipling, and Paul started it Friday. 100 Gateway Cities is a book about the 10/40 missionary window, which the boys read a page of 3 times a week. They're reading The History of Medicine in Sonlight Science (a fascinating book), as well as continuing in Food and Nutrition for Every Kid. Late next week they'll start reading William Carey, Obliged to Go (missionary to India).











Rudyard Kipling, author of Just So Stories and The Jungle Book, has lost favor with some academics and the politically correct. Like The Adventures of Huckleberry Fin, Kipling's work has some culturally upsetting stereotypes that were indicative of the time (Just So Stories penned in 1902). I read some pretty angry reviews about his work, in addition to many glowing ones. Let me just defend him for a minute?

The British Empire was not always respectful of the natives it colonized - of this, there's no doubt. I admit to feeling irritated myself as I've read more about how the Eastern Hemisphere was affected by the British invasion (my irritation mostly related to the sale of opium to the colonized natives). The British Empire wanted profits, most of all. Did they harbor a superiority complex towards natives? Probably.

Rudyard Kipling, who wrote Just So Stories for a daughter ailing with pneumonia (tragically, she died), was a man of his time and a genius with words. These charming stories, which beg to be read aloud, still delight thousands of children and adults, and I believe they deserve an honored place in children's literature. I'm afraid I can't fault a man for being a product of his time, unless he is a Christian. Kipling wasn't. With God as one's spiritual compass, it's possible to amount to more than one's time. Thomas Jefferson had a 150 slaves, which I think makes him a man of his time (like Kipling, he was also a non-Christian). Should I despise him because of that and disregard all his contributions, including the Declaration of Independence? I don't think so.

As parents, we can't really let our kids loose with any book and expect the best possible results. We have to guide them through novels, understanding that authors have substantial influence over our children's minds.

There are versions of Just So Stories available without the offensive racial stereotypes, but when we choose those, we lose potentially good discussions about how to develop a moral compass that stands the test of time - something only possible through the Holy Spirit and Scripture. Whether we live in the 15th Century or in the 21st, God's Word guides us towards a righteousness that transcends our time.

Preschool and First Grade News: My girls are moving right along, making steady progress and mostly enjoying learning. Beth (5) has become quite the artist, as she uses our drawing books during audiobook time after lunch. Peter has a fine-motor delay and at five years old he was scribbling. When I look at Beth's work (she just turned five) I'm amazed, and it reminds me to pray continually for Peter. He's very bright, but he does resent how his siblings grasp some things easier than he does, like cursive, drawing, and typing. My husband, who also has a fine-motor issue, never learned to type, despite many attempts. Peter gets very angry during typing practice and I don't know what to do about that.

All the children still enjoy 10-minute quick write time, right after breakfast and morning devotions. The boys this week began asking me to set the clock for 20 minutes instead. "Mommy, ten minutes is just not long enough." That comment thrilled me to the core, but ten minutes is long enough for my 5- and 7-year-old girls, so the boys just keep writing after the bell rings these days. Both are writing fictional stories.

I will quickly post about my favorite library books this week:

Tea Party Rules by Ame Dyckman (Fun, fun, fun!)


Publisher Synopsis: When he follows his nose through the woods, Cub discovers a backyard tea party…with cookies! He is just about to dig in when the hostess of the tea party shows up. And she has several strong opinions on how Tea Party must be played. Cub tries to follow her rules . . . but just how much can one bear take, even for cookies?

A laugh-out-loud funny look at the required give-and-take of playtime, Tea Party Rules is an eventual friendship story that will delight grubby cubs, fancy girls, and cookie lovers everywhere.

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Redwoods by Jason Chin
A very educational science trade book for all ages. So much more exciting than a textbook.



Publisher Synopsis:

An ordinary train ride becomes an extraordinary trip to the great ancient forests.

A subway trip is transformed when a young boy happens upon a book about redwood forests. As he reads, the information unfolds, and with each new bit of knowledge, he travels—all the way to California to climb into the Redwood canopy. Crammed with interesting and accurate information about these great natural wonders, Jason Chin's first book is innovative nonfiction set within a strong and beautiful picture storybook.

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Shoeless Joe & Black Betsy by Phil Bildner (This is superb storytelling!)



Publisher Synopsis:

No one knew better than Shoeless Joe Jackson what was needed to become the best baseball player ever: a good bat. And no one knew more about bats than Ol' Charlie Ferguson of South Carolina, a good friend of Joe's. With love, nurture, and a lot of hard work, the two friends created Black Betsy — the finest bat in all the land. And with a bat the likes of her by his side, you can bet Joe went all the way to the major leagues!

Shoeless Joe Jackson, said by some to be the greatest baseball player ever, goes into a hitting slump just before he is to start his minor league career, so he asks his friend to make him a special bat to help him hit.

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Emily by Michael Bedard



Publisher Synopsis: A young girl who lives across the street from the reclusive Emily Dickinson gets her chance to meet the poet when her mother is invited to play the piano for Emily. The girl sneaks up to Emily's room and exchanges a small gift for an authentic poem, which is included in the book.

When a mother and child pay a visit to their reclusive neighbor Emily, who stays in her house writing poems, there is an exchange of special gifts.

I had no idea that Emily Dickinson never left her house the last 25 years of her life. The author did a lot of research and apparently found this claim valid. How tragic!

Barbara Cooney is one of my favorite illustrators and she doesn't disappoint in this charming book.

____________________________

The Long Red Scarf by Nette Hilton



School Library Journal's Synopsis: PreS-Gr 2-- A fresh story that vibrates with positive energy and that has a sweet, satisfying resolution. Grandpa loves the long, woolly blue scarf that his friend Jake wears on their fishing trips. He asks Great Aunt Maude to make him one, but she doesn't know how to knit. He asks pregnant Cousin Isabel, but she's too busy. In return for a dish of his homemade cookies, Izzy provides him with needles and yarn, and he knits the scarf himself. Now he and Jake can be found knitting an outfit for the new baby to wear when she'll come fishing with them. The story is quietly told with a rhythm that's calm and calming. There's repetition and a refrain to welcome and snare young readers.

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Thomas Jefferson: Life Liberty and the Pursuit of Everything by Maira Kalman



Publisher Synopsis:

Renowned artist Maira Kalman sheds light on the fascinating life and interests of the Renaissance man who was our third president.

Thomas Jefferson is perhaps best known for writing the Declaration of Independence—but there’s so much more to discover. This energetic man was interested in everything. He played violin, spoke seven languages and was a scientist, naturalist, botanist, mathematician and architect. He designed his magnificent home, Monticello, which is full of objects he collected from around the world. Our first foodie, he grew over fifteen kinds of peas and advocated a mostly vegetarian diet. And oh yes, as our third president, he doubled the size of the United States and sent Lewis and Clark to explore it. He also started the Library of Congress and said, “I cannot live without books.” But monumental figures can have monumental flaws, and Jefferson was no exception. Although he called slavery an “abomination,” he owned about 150 slaves.

This is a fascinating book!

My Children's Favorite Things This Week:

~ Having our church friends over for a Bible study; the kids enjoyed the grandparent-like attention. They're really starved for that. We had dinner and fellowship first.

~ The kids also managed to play thrilling baseball in our playroom (family room) all week. It was frigid outside so they've been housebound. They manage to stay active, believe me. Gets on my nerves but I know it's necessary. They do make up the funniest games.

~ Peter is planning our garden and that always enthralls him. The siblings have been busy picking the flowers they want, too. So far their total is up to $50 at ParkSeed.com. Don't know if Daddy will approve, but we'll see.

Gratitude List:

~ Community at our house in the form of Bible Study.

~ Our new "adopted" daughter Sheila and the thrill of writing that first letter.

~ My kids enjoying some surrogate grandparents.

~ My Mary reading two books to my friend Cheryl.

~ Miss Beth dancing for the Bible Study members and singing about Jesus all the while. It is true that the youngest children are the biggest hams. Statistically, they tend to go into entertainment fields or other fields where they can garner attention, whereas middle-borns usually go into service-oriented fields, like teaching, social work, or nursing, and the oldest pick responsible, but conservative leadership positions.

~ A happy home

~ God's comfort as experienced through the Word and through community.

~ Our weekly library visits

~ Two additional children at our neighborhood Children's Bible study

~ Stimulating, solid homeschool curriculum

~ Keeping up with the folding of clothes as we all enjoy an audiobook together.

~ Paul's brownies

~ Learning along with my children

~ A warm and loving husband

~ The privilege of discipling my children

Quote to Share:

Hebrews 10:24-25 ESV
And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.

How was your week? What blessed you? Thank you for reading, friends.

Uncomfortable

I really like that word...uncomfortable. It speaks of real life and real love. It speaks of courage and triumpth of spirit.

Did you know that with wrinkles comes wisdom? I say this because it's taken me decades to realize how beautiful uncomfortable is.

I'm uncomfortable when my 12-year-old throws up twice before midnight (yes, he did). I silently ponder how long it will take the whole family to catch the tummy virus and get better. How many days...how many hours of laundry and disinfecting and worrying about dehydration?

But then I stop and think...be here for him, now. Stop pondering and disinfecting the floor and hug him already!

I'm uncomfortable when my 7-year-old displays the worst sportsmanship and competitiveness, for the tenth time in a week...and this is typical for her. What to do? How to heal the brokenness that makes her covet winning and despise losing?

I'm uncomfortable when someone calls and talks and talks, never giving me a moment to speak - even to cut in and say I have to go because my five year old needs wiped.

I'm uncomfortable when the van battery keeps going dead - just when we wanted to replace our clothes dryer and our garbage disposal.

I'm uncomfortable when the neighbor girl comes over, almost 12, and asks if she can stay to dinner and sleep over sometime, because she just loves being with us. (Yes to dinner, no to sleep over. Why, she asks.)

I'm uncomfortable when the neighbor boy comes over and acts like a bully...I want to shoo him home for good, rather than be understanding of his hard life of poverty and instability.

I'm uncomfortable when some people have a hole I just can't fill, and I have to say no.

We can chase after comfort and ease. It has an allure that's hard to resist. Sleek and tidy, you know?

But I'm learning that the more we chase comfort and ease, the further we get from God.

For God gets messy and he likes messy. He likes to meet us in the dirt and discomfort...in the tears and the angst. He likes it when we throw up our hands in despair and don't know what to do. Because then we'll listen to Him.

When I got married I never fathomed that the happy couple posing for wedding pictures would one day, 17 months later, be in the maternity ward delivering a baby who had already passed away, and that in the next months I would want to meet my Maker, rather than wait for this or that thing I just had to do before death. My innocence was gone.

When I finally held a living baby all my own 15 months later, I never fathomed that in less than a decade he would be diagnosed with serious problems that would bring me to my knees daily.

I had a baby at age 42, and despite a difficult pregnancy and an emergency C-section - the umbilical cord wrapped around her twice and knotted - she came out alive and healthy. Afterwards, could I fathom that 2.5 years later they would tell me she had Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis...that every time I saw her misshapen, swollen knees, I would want to cry?

Not a day goes by that I'm not uncomfortable for some reason, whether physical, mental, or spiritual. But now, all these years later, I don't want to meet my Maker until my work here is done. Take my life and let me labor for you here, my King. My Jesus.

It has taken so long for me to feel that, much less utter it in prayer.

Not a day goes by that I don't thank the Lord for His gracious blessings...mainly for the five messy blessings sharing my heart and home. I thank Him for the hard and the messy because they refine me and redeem my wrinkles and sags with a gentle and quiet spirit. The more I suffer, I more I give thanks. The more I give thanks, the more I perceive I have.

Messy is beautiful. Tidy is sterile. Uncomfortable is really living.

Uncomfortable is taking God at His Word and believing that when we lose our life, we gain it.


I've been talking to you about abject poverty this week and I know that's uncomfortable. I've asked you to sponsor a child and I know that's uncomfortable too. It's uncomfortable for me, doing the asking. But I push through and do it because I know the other side. I know the letters you'll write and receive and the love that'll swell in you - love you thought you could only feel for your own blood children.

We can't get to glorious unless we've known discomfort and walked through it - unless we've followed His lead. His discomfort on the Cross led to the ultimate Glory.



And when we do the hard, uncomfortable work of love in His name - we magnify his Glory. We magnify the beauty of the Cross...we tell its story. We live the Gospel.

Please embrace uncomfortable and live the Gospel today. Say yes? Provide Hope and Jesus, for just $38 a month? Thank you. Thank you for reading, my friends. Thank you for loving in Jesus' name.



Meet My "Adopted" Daughter

This is Sheila, my new sponsor daughter from Uganda! I'm over the moon already! She lives with only a grandmother, so I have to assume that maybe her parents were killed in Uganda's recent war-torn past.

Many people gravitate toward the youngest faces when choosing a sponsor child, thus, older children wait longer. Who wants that for these youths, who yearn for hope and love as much as little ones do? They're at a very vulnerable time in these, their teen years.

Sheila needs more love and encouragement than a hard-working, impoverished grandmother can provide alone. Sheila needs us...our prayers, letters, and gifts, and a sponsorship that allows her to take advantage of all that Compassion provides.

Why did we take this ridiculous-for-our-paycheck move?

I read all the Compassion posts last night and estimated the number of readers reached by this Ugandan trip. Jeff Goins has a very large audience, so between all of the bloggers, the reading audience this week is well over 200,000 readers. And yet, so few children were sponsored as of bed time last night. Even this morning, the total is only 66 children.

This is the first trip in which Compassion has posted a goal: 400 children. This is the first trip in which Compassion is tracking the number of new sponsorships arising from a blogging trip.

Why so few children sponsored? Over 200,000 readers, most having a lot more than an extra $38 a month, and yet, so few decisions for sponsorship?

I believe fear is the block. Fear of a lower standard of living. Fear of not having enough. Fear of the unstable economy. Fear comes in many forms.

"What are you waiting for?" God clearly asked me.

Has God blessed us for already sponsoring someone? Yes, emphatically. We sponsor Nelson, age 9, from El Salvador, and we write to Divya (India) and Raphael (Burkina Faso) in correspondent relationships. Has sponsorship hurt us or our children? On the contrary, from the first click, it's been joy. The joy of clicking "sponsor me" is akin to the joy of baptism. Really. That euphoric feeling, God sent, stays with you to continually bless, as you bless.

Has anything even remotely scary come from it? Just the opposite. Beauty and blessing.

Is my God bigger than the economy? Is he bigger than my troubles? Does he care how many outfits I own, or if I have a broken lamp shade cheapening my living room these last three years? Is he bigger than my bank account? He is confined by totals on a spread sheet? Does anything confine what God can and will do, when we seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness?

He does what is best for my spiritual growth and I love that about Him. He does what is best for the Kingdom and I really love that about Him. Nearly 17 years ago he entered my heart; I was graciously gifted with His peace and the down payment on my eternal inheritance - the Holy Spirit.

The fact that he doesn't care about my broken lamp shade? I love that about Him, too.

Sponsor your own "adopted" son or daughter here.

Ask yourself, is my God BIG enough?

More about my precious Sheila: 

Birthday:	May 02, 1999
Age:	14
Gender:	Female
Region:	Africa
Country:	Uganda
Program:	Murambo Child Development Center

Personal and Family Information:
Sheila lives with her grandmother. At home, duties include carrying water, gathering firewood and teaching others. Her grandmother is sometimes employed as a laborer.

As part of Compassion's ministry, Sheila participates in church activities, Bible class and youth group. She is also in high school where her performance is average. Volleyball, singing and telling stories are her favorite activities.

Please remember Sheila in your prayers. Your love and support will help her to receive the assistance she needs to grow and develop.

FYI: Prior to my clicking "Sponsor me", Sheila was registered, but not sponsored. Compassion gives benefits to children even before they are sponsored (school fees, immunizations, crisis intervention), but regular attendance at a Compassion Child Development Center can only come with sponsorship. The most change in a child's life comes from sponsorship and our letters, but Compassion blesses in Jesus' name as soon as the registration process is completed.

Something Beautiful, In Jesus' Name

Compassion International, one of the most successful child-rescue missions on earth, has reached Uganda with its trip bloggers. For the next five days, they will share stories of hope in Jesus. 

Compassion's work is not just about feeding and ensuring schooling and medical care for children in abject poverty. They do something much greater. They teach Jesus, who births Hope. Hope heals. 

Hope and poverty can't exist together, for poverty is the absence of hope.

These trips are never exploitative of anyone. They are not designed to make us feel guilty, but to make us see. See what, you wonder? Read along with me, and see if you can't answer this question yourself by Friday.

I will share the highlights with you, and yes, I will ask you to sponsor a child in Uganda for $38 a month. But don't do it because you feel guilty for being richer than these children. You aren't richer. Do it because Jesus asks you to, and because for you, the spiritual blessings that come from this new relationship are greater than the financial sacrifice. Each year, the money we give to this organization, and to these children in birthday gifts and family gifts (gifts are extra, not required) comes back to us with dividends. Spiritual dividends, as well as financial. I promise you, it is win win, all the way, for everyone involved.

And the letters you will receive from your precious child? They will be imprinted on your heart forever, whether simple or newsy. You will treasure every letter.

Compassion International Photo, Uganda Blogger Trip, 2014

Here are some quotes from today's posts:

Jeff Goins
Poverty, as I understand it, is more than your economic situation or a lack of resources. It’s a mindset.

That feeling of utter helplessness, of being stuck in a situation from which you cannot escape — that’s what it means to be poor.

There are people in this world who lack basic necessities, who need legitimate help, but that in itself is not poverty. Poverty is an attitude that crushes your spirit.

And as I sit down with this family, I do not see poverty. I see possibility.

Emily Freeman

The children looked back at me on that page and in that moment, unplanned and undecided, I did something completely counter-intuitive. I forced myself to focus on the one I was least naturally drawn to.

It was a ten year old boy named Otwii Paul. His face seemed harsh, his gaze unreadable, his jaw set against the world.

I hope it’s okay I’m about to say this, but it’s the truth about my first impression of him.

At first glance he looked a little bit like a bully.

I closed the laptop, uncertain.

Later, on day one of the trip, after she meets Otwii Paul, Emily writes:

As Wess speaks, he keeps his hands on Otwii Paul’s shoulders, and then the director of the Compassion Center, the same soft-spoken woman as before says the words I will never forget:

“Otwii Paul is our spiritual leader.”

What? The boy with the scowly face and the unreadable expression? The boy who I thought, based on his photo, I was least likely to connect with? This boy was the spiritual leader of this group of over 200 kids?

I wanted to know what she meant by that, how she knows that, what he does to make her say that. About five minutes later, I find out. Read the rest of Emily Freeman's post here, at Chatting at the Sky.

Read all the blogger trip posts here.

Sponsor a child in Uganda, taking only 10 minutes of your time, here. The sponsorship goal for this trip is 400 children. Currently, 23 have been sponsored. Won't you be hope for child number 24?

Compassion International Photo, Ugandan Blogger Trip, 2014