Beth's Rheumatology Appt. & prayer request

We went to Beth's rheumatology appointment today and they confirmed her arthritis is out of control, with her right wrist affected now as well (both knees, left ankle, right wrist). The right wrist has a small nodule on it, which happens with rheumatoid arthritis (RA).

So, they have to put her on another drug to protect her joints from serious damage. The methotrexate (low-dose of a chemo drug to suppress immune system) doesn't seem to be working anymore, which she's been on for over 2 years. Nevertheless, she still has to take that as well as naproxen twice a day, along with the new drug.

I have been researching the several choices for her new added drug, which will come from a class of RA drugs called biologics. They are made from biological material and have an effect on the factor in our systems that leads to inflammation. They are immuno-suppressants, like the methotrexate. People can die from infections when they are on them, but this doesn't often happen, and would depend on prompt care, too. They can also get very serious but not life threatening infections. There is a black box warning for an increased risk of cancers, especially lymphoma.

One choice I have, used since 1999, carries the cancer risk, as well as risk of MS, which an aunt and cousin of mine are afflicted with--the aunt having already passed away, but her daughter has a very aggressive case of it. 

Or, I could choose one of the newer biologics used since 2008, with so far a lesser risk for cancer, but fewer years of study, so in that case I would be dealing with a greater unknown. Also, because RA is an autoimmune disease, sufferers have a higher risk for cancer anyway. 

In the past, before the biologic drugs were available, many children ended up in wheel chairs because their RA was so poorly controlled. The long-term prognosis is much better for these kids all around, but boy, these are hard decisions.

I haven't made a decision yet about which drug, but she has her first appointment next week, and I need to decide, or cancel and wait longer to decide (they didn't actually give me that choice, but I will take it if necessary). Please pray for wisdom and peace? Beth will go once a month to the children's hospital to be injected with the new med, via IV (after going every two weeks for the first two doses). There is an infusion center there for kids who need chemo drugs, etc. They treat the kids specially by giving them snacks, movies, games, etc. while they wait for their IV bottle to empty (about 90 minutes for the newer choice, and 5 hours for the older choice--the one used since 1999). For a couple days after each infusion she might feel tired, and there are other flu-like symptoms she might notice for a couple days.

My husband hates all things medical and doesn't like to be involved in these decisions. It makes him angry to have to think about the ways Beth is affected by her disease. I think the anger response is not unusual in some men.

I have to be careful to preserve her fertility the best I can with the knowledge out there, and with newer drugs that is harder to do, but her doctor said there have been no fertility impairments known so far with the drug used since 1999, which carries the cancer and MS risk.

Your prayers would be much appreciated. I know God has a plan for Beth's life, and whatever decision I make he will work with, but this still feels heavy. Pray for the best choice? Thank you!

Grace-Based Parenting

The book I ordered, Grace Based Parenting by Dr.Tim Kimmel, arrived this week. This weekend I dove in and I'd like to share some thoughts and many quotes with you.

Dr. Tim Kimmel, a prolific author, runs the non-profit organization, Family Matters. I gathered from the Amazon reviews that at times the 2005-published book sounds very judgmental (especially in the first two chapters), as though no one but Tim and his wife get the whole parenting thing correct (unintended tone I'm sure). I told myself going in that I would overlook any possibly offensive tone, and get through the book for what I can glean about grace-ful parenting.

Now forty pages in, I know I don't agree with all his views, so I'll comment on that before outlining his first chapter. I don't seek to be controversial in what I'm about to discuss, only to give another side--a side I know intimately.

Regarding some parenting choices, he's simply coming from a different vantage point then veteran homeschoolers. Tim emphatically believes that Christian kids should not be sheltered from the world, and in that sense he is anti-homeschooling. It isn't that he thinks homeschooling is wrong per se, only that if parents choose it for the sake of sheltering their kids, then it's a mistake. The goal, he would say, is turning out children who are strong (in the Lord, in themselves), not fearful.

He states in articles and question-and-answer sessions that every schooling choice comes with advantages and disadvantages, but I sense (and others have too) that he feels homeschooling is generally chosen by the fearful ones. While some parents might start homeschooling with fear as a motivator, I don't think that feeling remains paramount after the process has produced positive changes within the family system and family relationships. Most people persevere in their homeschool more because of the blessings involved, not because of fearing the alternatives.

He's written about and thought extensively about how to raise children who are strong in the Lord--and he's father and grandfather to solid Christians. I'm sure he's a wealth of knowledge on the subject (which is why I'm reading his book) but about homeschooling he's missing intimate knowledge and perspective.

My vantage point is that a solid Christian home environment with lots of face time and spiritual discussion between adults and kids, makes them strong, and the testing of that strength (putting them in the world) ideally should come in time-spaced increments based on demonstrated spiritual maturity, rather than in six- to seven-hour segments five days a week, starting at age 3 (preschool) or 5 (kindergarten).

The biblical commitment to teach and strengthen children in the Lord is far more challenging when you have to spend time deprogramming them from the 30+ weekly hours spent apart from you. Children are not generally forthcoming with information about their day--until they're desperate for help. Worldly ideas and thought processes can creep in, leaving you unaware.

Notice I say the above is far more challenging, not impossible. Many public- or private-schooling families balance it all very well.

Tim would say you can't train children in the Lord well without exposing them to the world (as if homeschooling families never run errands, go to parks, libraries, doctor's appointments, entertainment outlets, use other teachers, see other kids, take field trips, use media, etc.). Public schooling is not the only way to expose children to the world, nor is it the most lucrative.

Homeschooling doesn't necessarily shelter children. Rather, it exposes them selectively, with a parent in tow to witness and immediately comment on the exposures--a parent who will take mental notes and present a Bible truth related to the exposure, if needed.

In his comments he adds that homeschooling also isn't a good choice if it "holds the whole family hostage". I can't imagine what he means by that, unless he refers to financial hardship due to single-income status, or perhaps a chronic medical condition in Mom or Dad that would preclude homeschooling. 

I might add that what is unacceptable financial hardship for one family might be a blessing in spiritual growth to another.

Yes, homeschooling involves hardships, but Tim's not acquainted with its blessings. I don't know that I can adequately describe for anyone the blessings inherent in homeschooling. The togetherness is just so rich, like it must have been for Jesus and his disciples as they ate, drank, traveled, and spoke of deep spiritual truths day in and day out--especially the case for Peter, James and John, who were closest to Jesus.

I realize that since I'm not acquainted with the blessings of public or private school, my vantage point is as narrow as Tim's. My son Peter was in preschool for a year, and then public kindergarten for about 6 weeks. That's the total of my experience parenting brick-and-mortar-educated kids (though I taught in this setting for a decade).

What I currently know about public schooling comes from articles and parenting comments. It seems that schools are dealing with an unprecedented bullying problem, indicating school adults have lost control of the bullies. As more kids come to school brokenhearted (resulting from a worldly society) more are going to have psycho-social reasons to bully their peers. All of our neighbor kids dislike school because it doesn't feel emotionally safe to them, due to bullying and other issues beyond their control.

As our culture has edged closer to the enemy than to God, many children aren't thriving in public school, but merely surviving. I think the decision to homeschool nowadays is less about immoral influences in the school culture, and more about whether kids feel a sense of well-being there (and whether their intellectual needs are being met).

Social, moral, spiritual, and intellectual growth come hard fought for everyone--but what price is too steep? Ideally, children should feel challenged by their everyday environment (asked to solve problems that are within their skill set) but not oppressed. My impression is that tenderhearted kids don't do as well in the current school environment (tenderhearted not being the same thing as fearful--fears can be overcome, but not personality traits).

Popularity contests, mimicking peers, and bullying are far less prevalent in colleges and in the workplace, so I would argue that these venues are better places to expose young people to the world sans-parents. The environment in elementary and secondary schools really doesn't mimic any other part of life, and when we look at world history, public schooling is a relatively new phenomena.

Public schooling became necessary and providential because parents were spending most of their time on daily subsistence activities--hunting, gathering, skinning and cooking animals, baking, gardening, laundry, storing food for winter, etc. Surviving was time-consuming and often required an older child's help.

Nowadays, with a myriad of convenience options available to us, we have time to educate our own children, if desired. It requires a scaled-down, simplistic style of living, but it's a viable option compared to past history.

But is it oppressive to some children?

Whether a child feels oppressed in a homeschooled environment depends on whether they're being taught by a loving, conscientious parent without a personal agenda (without an agenda opposed to the Lord's), and whether they have siblings or other exposures to playmates, and whether they're able to practice their God-given talents and bents (in other words, be who they were meant to be without repercussion).

Public- and private-school environments vary across the country and even in the same cities--the key is to be aware of the environment and how it affects your individual child. Is your child merely challenged, or oppressed? Talk, talk, talk about it all with your child. Become an expert in drawing your child out, and visit the school as often as you can because kids will define themselves--their abilities, gifts, worth--by their peers if we let them. A lot of discipling and discussion need to occur to ensure they're defining themselves by the Word and by the unique bent God gave them.

A sure sign they're using the wrong parameters to define themselves? I'd say it's when they suddenly want what everyone else has, or what everyone else experiences (and the same is true for adults).

Now that I've (rather extensively) given a soapbox commented on Tim's vantage point and included my own, here's an introduction to the first chapter of his book Grace Based Parenting:

Typical parenting methods Tim Kimmel sees in the Christian community:

1. Fear-Based Parenting

Tim Kimmel says (his words in italics):

"We're scared of Hollywood, the Internet, the public school system, Halloween, the gay community, drugs, alcohol, rock 'n' roll, rap, partying neighbors, unbelieving softball teams, liberals, and Santa Claus. Our fears determine our strategy for parenting....When I look at how the standard evangelical family has formatted their strategy for parenting, most often I see fear behind the steering wheel...Fear-based parenting is the surest way to create intimidated kids. It's also the surest way to raise Christian kids who either don't have any passion for lost people, are indifferent to the things of God, or out-and-out rebel against their parents, their church, and the Lord." 

2.  Evangelical Behavior-Modification Parenting

"This is an offshoot of fear-based parenting that assumes the proper environment, the proper information, the proper education, and the absence of negative influences will increase the chances of a child's turning out well. This parenting plan works from two flawed assumptions: (1) that the battle is primarily outside the child (it's not); and (2) that the spiritual life can be transferred onto a child's heart much like information place on a computer hard drive (it can't). There is very little below the surface that draws on the faith needed to sustain the harsh "hits" from culture or to go into a deep, mature relationship with God. These are homes where God moves in the head but seldom gets to move in the heart."

3. Image-Control Parenting 

"A checklist method of parenting that is part of the seduction of legalism. Image-control parenting assumes that people will know you are a good Christian parent raising nice Christian offspring by your church attendance, the way you dress (or don't dress), the way you cut your hair (or don't), the words and expressions you use (or don't use), the schools you attend (or don't attend), the movies you see (or don't see), the amount of Scripture you can quote, the version of the Bible you read, and the kinds of treats you give out for Halloween (if you participate at all)."

4. High-Control Parenting

"There is a vast difference between parents who keep their children under control and parents who control them. High-control parenting happens when we leverage the strength of our personality or our position against our children's weaknesses to get them to meet our selfish agenda."

5.  Herd-Mentality Parenting

"These are parents who follow the crowd. If the crowd is overscheduling their kids with sports, extracurricular activities, and every event the church has to offer, they do, too. These parents aren't known for thinking as individuals. Instead they follow the fads in how they eat, dress, vacation, educate their kids, play, and worship. Rather than pray for guidance and study each of their children to determine what is best for that child, they look around and parent like everyone else is doing."

6. Duct-Tape Parenting

"Rather than figure out how to fix their parenting issues, these families cope by patching their problems. Temporary solutions are sought when crises arise. These families are running on empty--too busy, too many bills, and too focused on the immediate rather than the permanent."

7. Life-Support or 911 Parenting

"These homes are much like the duct-tape families but with the added feature that a particular crisis is dominating their focus. They may be consumed with a medical or economic crises. Or the crises may be the result of the deterioration or collapse of a marriage."

My comments: As I read his description of the different types of Christian parents, I thought: Don't we all fall into some of these, some of the time? What about the learning curve? He can't so easily characterize parenting styles, and he never qualified these at all, but merely presents them as though every parent is either one or another. The fact is, we get better in our parenting as we mature and endure hard knocks, and become more in tune to the Holy Spirit's leading.

The nature of the Christian walk is that the Lord is always drawing us closer--closer to the Bible, closer to the Lord's agenda. As Christians we're rarely stagnant, unless we've given up our First Love.

At the close of chapter one, Tim lays out three driving needs that every child has:

1. A need for security
2. A need for significance
3. A need for strength

Through the book he teaches that "the way to meet these needs is by giving your children three valuable gifts: Love, Purpose, and Hope. If we've done our jobs adequately, our children should leave our homes with a love that is secure, a purpose that is significant, and a hope that is strong."

Stay tuned for more from Dr. Tim Kimmel on grace-based parenting...

What are your thoughts as you read his work here?

Weekly Homeschool Wrap-up 1/30

Topics covered in this edition

~ Beth's upcoming eye surgery

~ Writing Instruction

~ Handwriting Without Tears

~ Cartooning with Kids

~ All About Reading activities

~ Our Blessing List

~ Martin Luther Biography

~ Sonlight Core B Read-Alouds

Our family enjoyed a productive week (pictures below), with just one doctor's appointment interrupting our school schedule--a pediatric ophthalmologist to check Beth's eyes for any inflammation caused by her juvenile rheumatoid arthritis. There are two types of JRA (also called juvenile idiopathic arthritis - JIA) which cause eye inflammation, and she unfortunately has one of those types. If inflammation occurs and goes untreated, it leads to blindness, so every 3 to 6 months she goes for an eye check-up. 

Unfortunately, we received some bad news this time, though it wasn't related to JRA. Her strasbismus (wandering eyes) has not responded to her eye glasses with prisms, so she will have to have surgery to make her eyes work together. The good news is that a famous doctor works at Akron Children's Hospital, who Beth happens to see. He developed a strasbismus surgery and people come from all over the world to have him do surgery on their children. So Beth is in good hands. 

The doctor assured me he does many of these surgeries a week. It's done under anesthesia, taking a half hour total, with her going home the same day. She will be on limited activity afterwards for 3 to 5 days. 

I expect the wait to be a few months at least, because they told me someone will call in about two weeks to schedule a surgery date. If the wait is two weeks just to speak with a scheduler, that indicates they're pretty backed up.

My husband is the most nervous about this surgery, because as a child he had wandering eyes and was left with permanent double vision due to a botched attempt to improve his vision. Over time one of his eyes became dysfunctional--kicking out to the side naturally so he could use just one eye. It was the body's way of giving him functional vision, I suppose, though he could never go in the military or be a postal worker or anything else requiring normal vision.

Beth deals with regular pain and discomfort, and it's hard to imagine how she keeps such a sunny disposition. I just praise God that she does; she inspires all of us. She's been under anesthesia twice already, so it saddens me that we're to have another go-round, though I'm grateful her eyes can be corrected. 

Last week we found Cartooning For Kids at our public library. Beth had a great time drawing with this amusing instructor. It's amazing how many different kinds of lessons one finds available on DVD.  

Here is a finished person, using the cartoonist's technique for drawing a proportioned face. Beth is still working on a proportioned body. She just loves drawing!

Grammar in the Easy Grammar text, which we all find extremely helpful and painless.

Notes on Writing Instruction

It was fascinating this week to watch Peter so excited about a story he's writing. Possibly because of his dyslexia, he's been unable to make any progress with typing, but this week he typed finger by finger, and really benefited from Microsoft Word's grammar and spelling checks. He has an issue with using sentence fragments, and forgetting to capitalize proper nouns. The quick correction he received while typing his story made a big impact on his skills. I've been bugging him for years about capitalization, but it made little impact compared to the power of Microsoft Word's instant corrections. I don't know how long he'll have the patience for one-finger typing, but I'm loving this. He spent every spare minute on his story, revising the beginning over and over (the setting--time and place and character introductions) after I taught a lesson earlier this week on the elements for a setting. 

Despite his dysgraphia, he's a good writer, able to use a variety of sentence structures. You have to read his work with grace, looking for the talent instead of the errors, as is true with most dyslexics. If you fail to see the talent, it's you who has a disability, not the dyslexic writer (many famous writers are dyslexic).

I use some Write Shop Junior E for their writing, but I'm also doing my own lessons with them, based upon what I see needs developing from their writing samples. Both boys need to do a better job mapping out a problem and solution (plot/conflict) for their stories. They tend to go off on tangents, and then get tired of the story and end it abruptly, with no clear plot ever developed.

With Peter I've been working some on five-paragraph essays--a skill that needs to be well-developed before college. At this point, we're writing them together after he's finished a novel. I've learned over the years that kids are let loose with complicated assignments too soon, before there's been proper modeling of the skills involved. A lot of shared writing and modeled writing needs to occur before many students can grasp what is expected of them on essays.

Handwriting Without Tears chalkboards with the smiley corner at top left. It helps dyslexics learn to write their numbers in the correct direction. I didn't use it last year, but we've had it since Peter was young. I still have to remind them often about the direction of their numbers, but they're making progress.

Sweet, cuddly Beth. I don't know what I'd do without her! 

Handwriting Without Tears - Wet, Dry, Try
First you use a wet sponge (tiny sponges provided in the kit), then you use a dry sponge to go over it again, and then you use your chalk.

Handwriting Without Tears - extra practice with numbers. The dot is like the smiley on the chalkboard.

Paul using Teaching Textbooks 7.

Word problems are practiced every lesson, which I love.

All About Reading Level 2 - Reviewing the Name Game syllable. The letters are at a party, and the e goes up to the a and says "What's your name?" Brilliant, I think.

Practice words for the name game syllable.

Practice with /er/, one of the bossy r's. Also working with open syllables (long vowel) and the bossy r syllable.

Do your kids include their stuffed animals in the lessons? My girls like to teach their animals a lesson after I'm done teaching. Works for me! Love the review it provides them as they pretend to be teachers;

Mary at spelling dictation

Hex bug fun at break time

Paul teaching non-fiction history to the girls.

Our Gratitude List

~ The Millers devotionals for kids. Oh, my. We all enjoy these! The kids are loving our devotions.

~ We finished Henry Huggins by Beverly Cleary and I cried. Yes, that's me. Read and cry. Read and cry. We're now reading (Sonlight Core B read-alouds) The Year of Miss Agnes, and I can already tell I'll be crying.

~ Lots of snow to play in. They've all come in so tired from their rigorous snow play. 

~ Togetherness...an indescribable blessing.

~ An excellent doctor for Beth.

~ A loving husband who usually replies, when we ask around the table at dinner, that the best part of his day is having dinner with his family.

~ Progress for everyone in all subjects.

~ I've revised the winter homeschool schedule four times since school started up again after our flu. I think-- I hope-- I've finally got it working like a charm. It feels good to be accomplishing so much each day, while still having free time for exploration and play. 

~ The Proverbs we study for morning devotions are really improving sibling relationships and overall attitudes.

~ The kids have expressed an interest (from a story in Prudence With the Millers) in planning and cooking some of our dinners themselves, and I'm excited about facilitating that.

~ The boys will be reading a Martin Luther biography this school year, and as I preread it, I was fascinated by this amazing man. 

Includes photos from a movie made about Martin Luther, which I haven't seen.

He had the same type of OCD that Peter has--religious and moral scrupulosity, in which he constantly worried about his eternal security and had a deep melancholy before studying the Bible and learning that we're saved by grace through faith. The common people did not read Bibles in his time (many were illiterate, for one thing). Bibles were expensive and were mostly in libraries (not for check out) and for high clergy, so it was many years before Martin Luther learned Bible truth. Prior to his becoming a university professor and preacher, he'd become a monk in an attempt to secure his salvation and escape worldly sin. He eventually translated the Bible into German, making it available to the common man, and assisting the spread of his message (the true Gospel) around the world. This biography seems to be written for middle- and high-school students, but is excellent for anyone wanting a beginner's look at Martin Luther's life and contributions.

~ Peter's interest in writing and publishing...he wants to write a story for publication, and has asked me fifty questions about it this week. Thankfully, I know the library has a book on the process.

~ That daily comfort and rest is only a Scripture away.

Proverbs 18:10 The name of the LORD is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe.

Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

Psalm 46:1-3 God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. "Selah"

2 Timothy 1:7 For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.

How was your week, friends? Have a blessed weekend.

See other Homeschool Mother's Journal posts at Managing Your Blessings.

Teaching a Dyslexic Child to Read & Spell

Marianne Sunderland is mom to eight children, seven of whom have dyslexia. After a number of years driving to dyslexic tutoring appointments for her children, who have varying degrees of dyslexia (some with ADHD or ADD), she decided it would be easier for her to get trained and certified as an Orton-Gillingham Reading Tutor, so she could teach her already homeschooled children at home (she has twenty years of homeschooling under her belt).

Marianne's Homeschooling With Dyslexia blog, introduced to me by Tesha, has been such a wealth of information. If you even suspect your child may be affected by dyslexia, I recommend that you peruse her sight.

The Orton-Gillingham method is not a curriculum, but a collection of proven teaching practices that work best with the dyslexic student. No matter what curriculum you choose, it needs to include these attributes to best serve the dyslexic child (or any struggling reader):

~ Personalized (Adjusting everything to the child you are teaching, based upon the child's strengths, weaknesses, and preferred learning style. Ideally, dyslexics shouldn't be taught in groups, but individually.)

~ Multi-sensory (Using sight, feel, movement, and listening, all at the same time)

~ Direct and Explicit (Don't assume the child will infer anything--teach every aspect of the process)

~ Systematic (Use the same order and method to teach every new concept)

~ Sequential and Cumulative (Only present words in their reading that have patterns or sounds that have been taught. Start with the simplest, and move to the complex, only after mastery.)

~ Synthetic and Analytical (Synthetic means to teach sounds, and then teach how they can be put together to form words. Analytical means to present a word, and teach how to break it apart into its individual sounds. Go both directions for the learning to really stick.)

These attributes are the basis of the Orton-Gillingham approach.

Curriculum that include these attributes include:

All About Reading and All About Spelling

Barton Reading

The Wilson Program

Rewards

Avko Sequential Spelling

For Older Children - Reading Horizons

Marianne Sunderland has written a five-part series on teaching the dyslexic child to read. Here are her posts, all outstanding.

Is it Dyslexia? Signs and Symtoms 

How Dyslexics Learn - Teaching to the Dyslexic Strengths

Reading Methods That Work With Dyslexia

How to Teach Sight Words to Kids With Dyslexia

Building Fluency in Dyslexic Readers

The founder of All About Learning Press, Marie Rippel, also a certified Orton-Gillingham instructor, wrote this post on her blog: Using Dictation to Improve Spelling. She also wrote: How Can I Help My Child With Spelling Dictation? Both articles are excellent, as is the blog Marie Rippel maintains on her website.

My daughter Mary, who just turned eight, was slow to learn to read in the past, after initially mastering all her sounds and learning to decode three-letter words and short-vowel words with blends, all without incident. Everything beyond these beginning skills proved very difficult for her.

Reading in the All About Reading Level 2 reader (on a cold January morning. :)

All About Reading game with /ar/ words

All About Reading practice cards with /ar/ words

All About Reading magnet letter board, used in most of the All About Reading and All About Spelling lessons. New sounds and syllable types and words are introduced and practiced this way.

However, this month I've seen fluent reading and her confidence has soared! She can pick up her All About Reading reader and read all the past stories with remarkable fluency, compared to her first day with the program in late September, 2014. I'm one grateful mother and now, one informed teacher, thanks to Marianne Sunderland and Marie Rippel.

Like Marianne does for her children, I modified the All About Reading program to include more practice. Mary was required to read all the stories we'd been through over and over, on different days, different sittings. I can't say she was happy with me, but she did it, and as long as it wasn't a new story, she could do it without my help. I believe this extra repetition was key in building the fluency she's lacked the last few years.

Both Mary and Peter have many signs of dyslexia, but Peter learned to read far easier, with only sight words becoming a stumbling block. He read fluently at about the same time as Mary--eight years old. Peter also has dysgraphia (difficulty with handwriting, spelling, and organizing thoughts on paper), which is common in dyslexics, but Mary prints and writes without difficulty.

Mary also has extreme difficulty learning her numbers to 100, and Peter did too, to a lesser extent. Mary's difficulty with numbers could be part of her dyslexia, or it could be dyscalculia--I'm just not sure yet. I do know Peter struggles with dyscalculia (math disability similar to dyslexia, but it can be present without dyslexia).

I will continue to write on the topic of learning disabilities, sharing with you what I'm learning along this journey. Do you have any concerns about your young readers?

Help Needed: Strength Hope Peace Joy Love

Psalm 34:18 The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

Forgive me, but my heart is heavy. Today was so hard and sometimes it seems like no one can understand what the hours are like parenting special needs children. I feel so alone sometimes. And my husband, bless his heart, is overwhelmed, as I am. He escapes at work and when he comes home and OCD and other disorders rear their ugly heads, he wants nothing but to go back to work. So talking to him is not the best choice.

Some of you online can understand, but no friend here in the flesh can. Often it's better to keep quiet to avoid being judged. People do judge you when your kids have problems. They try to figure out what you're doing wrong. I'm sure I'm doing a lot of things wrong, but nothing worse than the mother with "normal" children.

My son Peter has in some respects recovered well from his concussion, but there seems to be a very real and prolonged effect on his OCD, worsening it. He can be so affected at times that he even looks strange, as though he's schizophrenic and hears voices. I know that isn't the case, but I mourn the look of panic and fear and pain in his eyes. I mourn the worsening and fight my own fear--fear that for his whole life he'll be paralyzed by this disorder and all his plans to go to Uganda and help the farmers there--the abject poor and the unsaved, will be thwarted. 

It doesn't matter to me what he does for a living as long as it's honest and can bring glory to God, but I know what stirs passion within him. It's the Gospel...sharing it, proclaiming it, living it, along with the things of the earth that proclaim His greatness and majesty...seeds, soil, trees, plants, flowers, birds. 

Today is Saturday and the weekends are rarely good with special needs children battling executive function disorders. They're off kilter, cranky, combative, stressed, all for no obvious reason, other than their routine being off. It doesn't make sense to schedule a weekend day like you would a Monday-Friday. It just isn't fair to the rest of the family and it doesn't train the affected child in how to self-monitor and regulate. 

The best part of the day today? The kids and I were busy cleaning the house before lunch. It didn't get any better after that, which is sad and depressing for all of us, because who wants Saturday cleaning to be the best part of the day?

I need strength. Strength to face OCD and ADHD another day. Strength to smile despite aggravating symptoms driving me up the wall. Strength to be something other than a snappy mother and a snappy wife. I need strength to let go of tomorrow and find the blessing in today.

Join me for a walk through Scripture? Be encouraged, because what my soul longs for so often is just a little encouragement. And maybe you too?

For Strength

Joshua 1:9 I repeat, be strong and brave! Don’t be afraid and don’t panic, for I, the Lord your God, am with you in all you do.”

Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke on you and learn from me, because I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and my load is not hard to carry.”

Deuteronomy 31:8 “The Lord is indeed going before you – he will be with you; he will not fail you or abandon you. Do not be afraid or discouraged!”

I need hope. Hope not in tomorrow or in the outcomes so much as just hope itself. Hope is the opposite of depression and discouragement. Hope is relief from the heaviness that problems bring. Hope is Heaven and the spot reserved there for me.

For Hope

Romans 5:1-5  “Therefore, since we have been declared righteous by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in the hope of God’s glory. Not only this, but we also rejoice in sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance, character, and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.”

Romans 15:13 “Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you believe in him, so that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

1 Peter 1:3-5 “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! By his great mercy he gave us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, that is, into an inheritance imperishable, undefiled, and unfading. It is reserved in heaven for you, who by God’s power are protected through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.”

I need peace. Peace knowing that the Lord has heard the groaning of my heart and he will not forsake me. Peace that even on the most aggravating, scary days, he is in our midst, working his Plan. Peace knowing that my son has the Lord as I do, and I can trust Him to soothe and comfort Peter and my other children with his Presence. Peace that I can trust him to turn disorder into a testimony of His faithfulness. Peace knowing that we need the Lord more than those who aren't acquainted with everyday pain and disorder and ever-present dysfunction. We aren't cursed but blessed! To need the Lord is be blessed.

For Peace

Philippians 4:6-7 “Do not be anxious about anything. Instead, in every situation, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, tell your requests to God and the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”

Romans 5:1 “Therefore, since we have been declared righteous by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.”

Isaiah 26:3 You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.

Isaiah 54:10 Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the LORD, who has compassion on you.

I need joy. Oh, boy do I need joy. I need it to endure the aging face I see in the mirror, for one. The face that is still a shock, because I don't feel any older. The daily struggles here accompanied by the scary aging face, don't combine well. I haven't colored my hair and I've never done anything about the acne scars that have aged me prematurely for decades. These things just are. I can't escape them and I didn't choose them. They're what the Lord chose for me, and who am I to say he made a mistake when he formed me? 

Most of all, I need joy to wear a face and a smile that convey strength and hope and peace and love. A face that says the Holy Spirit dwells in me and I am transformed by His love!

Because He does. And because I am...transformed by His love. Hallelujah.

For Joy

1 Peter 1:8-9 Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

Isaiah 12:6 Shout aloud and sing for joy, people of Zion, for great is the Holy One of Israel among you."

Isaiah 35:10 and the ransomed of the LORD will return. They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away.

John 16:22 So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy.

Psalm 30:5 For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.

Hebrews 12:2 Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

I need love. The love of the Father. Love that is the cross. Love that makes me never thirst again. Love that says I am enough. Love that flows into me and then from me so I can bless the socks off my family.

1 John 4:10 In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins

Romans 8:35-39 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written, “For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Ephesians 3:19 And to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

Jeremiah 31:3 The Lord appeared to him from far away. I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.

John 15:9 As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love.

Psalm 103:11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;

Zephaniah 3:17 The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.

Happy, happy Sunday to you, my friends!