Sunday, January 25, 2015

Help Needed: Strength Hope Peace Joy Love

Psalm 34:18 The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

Forgive me, but my heart is heavy. Today was so hard and sometimes it seems like no one can understand what the hours are like parenting special needs children. I feel so alone sometimes. And my husband, bless his heart, is overwhelmed, as I am. He escapes at work and when he comes home and OCD and other disorders rear their ugly heads, he wants nothing but to go back to work. So talking to him is not the best choice.

Some of you online can understand, but no friend here in the flesh can. Often it's better to keep quiet to avoid being judged. People do judge you when your kids have problems. They try to figure out what you're doing wrong. I'm sure I'm doing a lot of things wrong, but nothing worse than the mother with "normal" children.

My son Peter has in some respects recovered well from his concussion, but there seems to be a very real and prolonged effect on his OCD, worsening it. He can be so affected at times that he even looks strange, as though he's schizophrenic and hears voices. I know that isn't the case, but I mourn the look of panic and fear and pain in his eyes. I mourn the worsening and fight my own fear--fear that for his whole life he'll be paralyzed by this disorder and all his plans to go to Uganda and help the farmers there--the abject poor and the unsaved, will be thwarted

It doesn't matter to me what he does for a living as long as it's honest and can bring glory to God, but I know what stirs passion within him. It's the Gospel...sharing it, proclaiming it, living it, along with the things of the earth that proclaim His greatness and majesty...seeds, soil, trees, plants, flowers, birds. 

Today is Saturday and the weekends are rarely good with special needs children battling executive function disorders. They're off kilter, cranky, combative, stressed, all for no obvious reason, other than their routine being off. It doesn't make sense to schedule a weekend day like you would a Monday-Friday. It just isn't fair to the rest of the family and it doesn't train the affected child in how to self-monitor and regulate. 

The best part of the day today? The kids and I were busy cleaning the house before lunch. It didn't get any better after that, which is sad and depressing for all of us, because who wants Saturday cleaning to be the best part of the day?

I need strength. Strength to face OCD and ADHD another day. Strength to smile despite aggravating symptoms driving me up the wall. Strength to be something other than a snappy mother and a snappy wife. I need strength to let go of tomorrow and find the blessing in today.

Join me for a walk through Scripture? Be encouraged, because what my soul longs for so often is just a little encouragement. And maybe you too?

For Strength
Joshua 1:9 I repeat, be strong and brave! Don’t be afraid and don’t panic, for I, the Lord your God, am with you in all you do.”

Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke on you and learn from me, because I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and my load is not hard to carry.”

Deuteronomy 31:8 “The Lord is indeed going before you – he will be with you; he will not fail you or abandon you. Do not be afraid or discouraged!”

I need hope. Hope not in tomorrow or in the outcomes so much as just hope itself. Hope is the opposite of depression and discouragement. Hope is relief from the heaviness that problems bring. Hope is Heaven and the spot reserved there for me.

For Hope
Romans 5:1-5  “Therefore, since we have been declared righteous by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in the hope of God’s glory. Not only this, but we also rejoice in sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance, character, and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.”

Romans 15:13 “Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you believe in him, so that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

1 Peter 1:3-5 “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! By his great mercy he gave us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, that is, into an inheritance imperishable, undefiled, and unfading. It is reserved in heaven for you, who by God’s power are protected through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.”

I need peace. Peace knowing that the Lord has heard the groaning of my heart and he will not forsake me. Peace that even on the most aggravating, scary days, he is in our midst, working his Plan. Peace knowing that my son has the Lord as I do, and I can trust Him to soothe and comfort Peter and my other children with his Presence. Peace that I can trust him to turn disorder into a testimony of His faithfulness. Peace knowing that we need the Lord more than those who aren't acquainted with everyday pain and disorder and ever-present dysfunction. We aren't cursed but blessed! To need the Lord is be blessed.

For Peace
Philippians 4:6-7Do not be anxious about anything. Instead, in every situation, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, tell your requests to God and the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”

Romans 5:1 “Therefore, since we have been declared righteous by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.”

Isaiah 26:3 You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.

Isaiah 54:10 Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the LORD, who has compassion on you.

I need joy. Oh, boy do I need joy. I need it to endure the aging face I see in the mirror, for one. The face that is still a shock, because I don't feel any older. The daily struggles here accompanied by the scary aging face, don't combine well. I haven't colored my hair and I've never done anything about the acne scars that have aged me prematurely for decades. These things just are. I can't escape them and I didn't choose them. They're what the Lord chose for me, and who am I to say he made a mistake when he formed me? 

Most of all, I need joy to wear a face and a smile that convey strength and hope and peace and love. A face that says the Holy Spirit dwells in me and I am transformed by His love!

Because He does. And because I am...transformed by His love. Hallelujah.

For Joy
1 Peter 1:8-9 Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

Isaiah 12:6 Shout aloud and sing for joy, people of Zion, for great is the Holy One of Israel among you."

Isaiah 35:10 and the ransomed of the LORD will return. They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away.

John 16:22 So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy.

Psalm 30:5 For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.

Hebrews 12:2 Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

I need love. The love of the Father. Love that is the cross. Love that makes me never thirst again. Love that says I am enough. Love that flows into me and then from me so I can bless the socks off my family.

1 John 4:10 In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins

Romans 8:35-39 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written, “For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Ephesians 3:19 And to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

Jeremiah 31:3 The Lord appeared to him from far away. I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.

John 15:9 As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love.

Psalm 103:11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;

Zephaniah 3:17 The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.

Happy, happy Sunday to you, my friends!


Beth Bullington said...

Hugs and prayers -- praying that you will be refreshed and ready for a new day.

Christine said...

Thank you, Beth. Today is already better, thank the Lord!

Tesha Papik said...

Praying for you my friend.

Anonymous said...

Sending you a virtual hug. You do a wonderful job as a mother. You're in my prayers, as ever.
Sandy x