Toy Recommendations

One thing I've learned in the past 13 years of parenting? Go classic with toys whenever possible, not trendy. Think of the imagination, the different uses over a wide range of maturities, the quality, the myriad of ways to recreate with the same materials, not commercial-driven crazes. When you give in and buy some nothing toy that was marketed to your child, you will all regret it.

You can't go wrong with Melissa and Doug Standard Unit Blocks.

Melissa & Doug 60pc Standard Unit Blocks

Melissa & Doug 60pc Standard Unit Blocks

Item# MD-503

Regular price: $69.99

Sale price: $47.59

Availability: Usually ships in 2-3 business days.

In case you don't already own this gem of a toy, I searched and found the best price this year at Jacob's Room (quotes above from Jacob's Room). If you have a larger family, you will eventually want a second set.

There's no end to how children of various ages will use these large, sturdy blocks (12 year old still loves them, and all the neighbor kids). Think of the myriad of accessories your child already owns that can be utilized with this classic toy: Hot Wheels, all other vehicles, people figures, animal figures, and the incredible, joy-instilling Hex Bug. Each day will bring a new use, a new joy, a new sense of accomplishment.

Besides PlayDoh, which I love for many of the same reasons, Melissa and Doug Standard Unit Blocks are my favorite toy of all time. They don't get lost, Mom; they're too big. And they're easy to store in the accompanying delightful, well-crafted wood box. Just putting them away is a good brain exercise, as they fit perfectly and it takes practice to learn the best arrangement.

Kitchens

I used to think every little girl (or little boy) would like a kitchen, and I'm sure many a parent has sunk good money into one, but over time? They don't play with it much. Think longevity. How many uses per month, per year, and over time and maturity? Dishes get played with more than kitchens, for whatever reason. But a caveat: the more dishes the set comes with, the less they'll get played with. Stick with a simple, durable tea set. Kids don't like to be overwhelmed, and it takes time for us to learn that.

Large Plastic Indoor/Outdoor Toys

If you ever want a large plastic toy such as a wagon, kitchen, picnic table, sandbox, etc. check garage sales first. These items are very expensive and can often be found in good condition at garage sales for less than $10.

That said, a durable, brand new wagon is a treat for any child, and will likely provide years of joy.

Dolls

Dolls, but not too many. The more dolls, the less they get played with. If you get another one, ask which of the old ones she wants to give to Goodwill.

Doll accessories, but only one or two, for the same reason.

Doll clothes will be played with more than beds, strollers, etc., over time. The stroller will likely go out of fashion in a month, though your neighbor girls might enjoy it when they visit.

Legos: Boys and Girls

These can be a good investment, but not the sets, in my opinion, because how many times will they want to put the same thing together (or the same two things)? And how many are mature enough to keep the pieces together? Better to buy larger packages of Legos and books to go with them, that feature a myriad of different ideas.

Hot Wheels are durable, invite a myriad of uses, and don't ever go out of fashion. My friend at church found her 18-year-old son perusing them in the toy section. waiting for his mom. The tracks are good, but the simpler the track, the better. Those that you just watch will go out of fashion, so choose something interactive, like a track that races the cars. Blocks and other classic toys that help your child invent his own track, with wedges and heights and slants, make Hot Wheels even more durable over time.

Dump trucks made by the best toy companies are always a good investment, inviting never-ending uses.

Remote control vehicles are rarely worth the money, and long ago I began my "no". If you can find it at a thrift store, go for it, I tell them...with your own money.

Electronics: We have never purchased any electronics other than our family PC, and the educational software our curriculum demands, but in the future we will need a tablet that allows educational, special-needs applications. I am thankful such things exist.

I know Minecraft, Wii, Xboxes, iPhones, iPods, etc. are all the craze, but they eat up time, are addictive, and really, what benefit is there that can't be realized by a good classic toy...and by real interaction with real people, like the family and friends we know are safe, and who God has placed in our lives for discipleship purposes? I've never regretted not having them. If you've got the time to monitor these things, and your time usage and content controls are working, they may be a good investment. I'm just not sold on the idea of any of them as truly beneficial for children, but every family is different.

My kids liked the Cool Math Games website for a few years, which made up their video game consumption (24 minutes a day after school), but the ads have gone too worldly, so I banned it. They don't miss it.

What are your favorite toys? Any ideas you've gathered that make electronic toys work for you and your children? What have your children's favorite toys been over time?

2014 in Review (in pictures too)

From the first thunderstorm, which heralded in full blown Generalized Anxiety Disorder for Mary, through today, this has been a tough year. I have a month-long wait to learn anything more about my mammogram issue. It's just been one strain after another--distancing from an alcoholic parent and the dysfunctional patterns contained therein, and coming to the realization that sometimes wisdom means stepping away, saying I won't help you continue in your sin, and I won't let your sin continue to scar my psyche. I will love you, but from afar, through my prayers, and through my forgiving. 

The year also brought new disorders, old disorders worsening, dyslexia, a son's concussion, a worsening of juvenile rheumatoid arthritis, a health scare, a two-ships-passing-in-the-night, special-needs-parenting marriage (with my 54-working hours husband also caring via phone 4-6 hours a week for his almost 92-year-old father).

I've learned that if another person is not personally struck by or exposed to a condition, they're likely to blame it on me and/or my parenting, so any support must be gathered carefully, such as through other special-needs moms, or I manage with the Lord's help only. Not that I should hide anything, but understand human nature in regards to judgement--and give thanks that as Christians, we grow in grace, not necessarily in goodness. Grace is beautiful. 

Grace is a precursor to holiness in our lives. When we readily offer grace, we're saying we understand our own filthy conditions. It's hard, this humility, but it allows holiness to take up residence. My own pain and need for grace allows me to offer grace generously.

We'd hoped that when the thunderstorms passed for the year, Mary's anxiety would settle down, but now whenever she hears anything on the roof she thinks there's an ice storm that will cave our roof (I have a picture book to blame for that notion). When she hears an airplane she panics that we're being bombed. I haven't a clue where that notion came from. We don't have a TV signal so I read news online, without the kids around. The boys know a few details about the world's war issues, but the girls aren't around when we discuss it.

After AWANA on Sunday she vomited from anxiety because a couple families were sick and absent, so she worried about Ebola, which hasn't been discussed here in weeks. Her anxiety over her various worries will lead to one vomiting episode, after which she doesn't get sick again. The vomiting hasn't happened more than four or five times this year, but it's exhausting and stressful. Once anxiety starts--and I can never predict it--there's no talking her out of it, but she can be distracted by praise songs and special activities, for a time.

My twelve year old disorganized all our pictures on this computer, so as I shuffled through trying to sort the mess (all dates are off a year on the camera), the pictures didn't lie to me--yes, we still had smiles, along with our tears of frustration this year. Grace.

What is the value in tough years? What is my testimony of the year?

Our faith grew; we're learning to abide better. I understand better that my life, my children's lives, must be lived out as a sacrifice to a Holy God. We offer our years on the alter--our hopes, our fears, our idea of success. When we do that well, what we get in return is not disappointment, but joy and hope. 

I'm sorry for Mary because crippling anxiety is ugly and fierce, but if it can serve the Lord, I say yes with an open hand. Not only does this mindset help me display compassion and hope for my daughter's sake, but it models for my children how God wants us to view our infirmities.

So, 2014, I'm not embittered by you. I thank you for the heart stretching. I thank you that we're finishing full of hope and assurance, full of love and abiding. Without you, it just wouldn't be.

Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. 

When ADHD Threatens to Ruin the Holidays

Not too long ago I stated that ADHD is not a moral issue--a whole post explained why, in fact. Kids who struggle with executive function problems can appear selfish, lazy, and unmotivated for anything but pleasure. All of it looks like heart issues from the outside, and caretakers can struggle with anger and resentment as they try, day after day, to teach proper behavior and responses. Other family members and/or other students at school suffer because of this one child's issues. The ground is fertile for not only resentment to grow, but genuine dislike. Grace does not abound because it's so easy to blame the child for his characteristics, and not the neurological deficit.

Around the holidays, these kids can suck the joy right out of the yuletide. As caretakers, we have to slow down and remind ourselves, they didn't choose this. They don't plan to drive us insane with their inability to delay gratification, or their insane hyperfocusing on the one present to the point of you wanting to unwrap it and throw it at them to get everyone out of their misery--on December 7. (No, I didn't do that, but I seriously thought about it.)

It helps me to read and reread about executive function and about ADHD frequently, but especially around the holidays or around someone's birthday, when my son has the most difficulty. I need to remind myself not to judge him, but to display compassion with firmness. I didn't choose to have chronic headaches, and I would be crushed if someone blamed them on me or chastised me for them incessantly. When we tell our executive-function-impaired children they're selfish, it cuts them to the core. They don't want to be selfish. They don't want to disappoint us, sabotage their sibling's birthday, or make everything about them. In fact, when we describe to them what they're doing, they're probably disgusted with themselves; their self-esteem just sinks lower than before.

We can and must help them learn to manage themselves, but first, we must learn to respect them, to uphold their dignity, to point out their strengths, to help them value their contribution to the greater good. God doesn't make mistakes, of that we can be sure.

Every day from Thanksgiving to New Year's Day, it's a good idea to sit on the couch for ten minutes with this child and tell him he is loved, and recount all the ways he made you proud that day. If he didn't behave at all that day, borrow praises from other days, but be genuine. These kids are often very compassionate people with amazing abilities, but they aren't reminding themselves of these things; they're in trouble too much to remember their own good points.

It's up to us to provide a balance between love and discipline. It's an awesome responsibility, this holding of the tongue to say only what is necessary. It's up to us to remind them that their disorder is not a moral issue. They're sinners like the rest of us, but no worse off. When we mess up and say the wrong thing, we need to ask their forgiveness right away--before the hurtful words fully sink in, hopefully.

Here are some things I've read these last several weeks, to keep my heart in the right place:

Happy Holidays--Really!

Avoid Holiday Havoc: Help for ADHD Children

Surviving the Holiday Season With Children With ADHD

Executive Function: What It Is Anyway?

Helping Kids Who Struggle With Executive Function

Is it Executive Function Disorder or ADHD?

Holiday "Gift Obsession" and Managing ADHD

ADHD Holiday Help: House Rules for Children

How do you keep the holidays peaceful while raising special needs children?

Abiding When Tension is High: Test Results

Was it mere coincidence that a few days before I received a letter in the mail indicating that my mammogram screening required further evaluation, I'd done extensive reading on abiding in Christ? I think not. Just the day before I'd read quite a bit about Elizabeth Elliot, and will have that biography for you in the next couple weeks, hopefully.

Roughly five hours after reading the letter, I mustered the courage to get away from the kids, go into the bathroom, lock the door, and examine the indicated breast. And yes, there is a hard, pea-sized lump, not noticed before, and missed by my doctor a few months before. It being a Friday, and my doctor only working Tuesdays and Thursdays, the wait will not be easy. I was likely contacted earlier than she was, which indicates, possibly, that it was not a number 5, which is the highest number on the mammogram-reading scale, indicating the worst. My letter was merely a form letter, not a detailed letter indicating exact findings.

I panicked over the lump, though I didn't plan my demise in my head just yet. Wanting to know as much as possible, I researched and learned they would do a diagnostic mammogram (magnified, different-angled pictures of the area), and an ultrasound to try to ascertain if the lump is fluid-filled, indicating a cyst and benign, or a solid mass with irregular borders, requiring a biopsy. Biopsies can be with a needle guided by ultrasound or MRI, or they can be via surgery. With a needle however, they can't tell you a cancer is invasive, only that it's present, and if they miss the cancerous cells, you can get a false negative with a needle biopsy.

This pea-sized lump is not like the fibrocystic lumps I've had for quite a while. I haven't felt anything like it before, and I haven't ever had anything in the lower region before either. It's most likely benign, such as an adenoma, and even if otherwise, most people do not die of breast cancer.

My mother did have breast cancer in her sixties--a small lump removed, with no problems later. She took hormone replacement therapy for about ten years (known to cause breast cancer), and smoked and drank heavily, with no exercise (alcohol is a definite risk factor). She had no family history, however. Only 15% of cancer sufferers have a family history. Many do not have any risk factors. Most cancers do not appear before the fifties.

My only risk factor would be my mother's cancer (though because hers was post-menopausal, it wouldn't be likely to show up this early in me), and having had my first pregnancy after thirty. I only took hormones in the form of a birth control pill for one year, to preserve my fertility while suffering from endometriosis. I stopped taking it after one year due to it aggravating migraines.

It is the extent of your body's lifetime exposure to estrogen that puts you at risk for breast cancer, which is why having your first baby after thirty is a risk factor, as well as having a late menopause or early menses. I had six total pregnancies (two miscarriages) and nursed extensively, going nearly 10 years with few cycles, so that might negate the late childrearing risk factor, as does the extended nursing, which is protective. Having more children is also protective. In 2014 the U.S. birth rate went below 2 children per American woman, and if this trend continues, we are likely to see small hikes in breast cancer rates.

None of this should alarm you, personally, because lifetime breast cancer risk remains relatively low, despite a lot of number crunching. There are two different guidelines floating around currently. One, by the American Cancer Society, suggests that you begin mammograms at 40. The other, by the American Medical Association, I think it was termed, suggests you begin at 50, because only a small percentage of lives are saved by starting at age 40, and there are more false positive mammograms between 40 and 50, due to denser breast tissue, making it harder to read the mammogram, causing unnecessary fear in many women.

God is bigger than statistics and risk factors, but his plan sometimes includes hard things, like cancer, thus, the need to abide in Him through all things, with an open hand.

I'm happy to meet the Lord at any time, with one misgiving. The thing I'm having the most difficult time with, in terms of abiding, is the possibility of leaving children with a husband who has trouble caring for them even while I'm at the grocery store. He struggles mightily with children as a whole. He is at his best as a father when he is out with one child at a time. It seems so cruel to leave him in total control of a family, and with children having special needs besides.

However, no human being is irreplaceable, and it's haughty for me to feel that my children wouldn't be just as well off or better in my absence, by the grace of God. As a mother, I'm just as flawed as the next, not special.

I've had the privilege of reading many missionary stories lately, from Missionary Stories With the Millers, and the power, grace, and mercy of God has not been lost on me.

Have you had a medical scare? How did you abide through it?

Homeschool Weekly Wrap-Up: Birthdays/Christmas Books

I had a baseline mammogram earlier this week and already got a letter saying to come back for further evaluation. Since I knew I had a fibrocystic issue, I suspected this would happen after a baseline (first exam), but it's still a bit nerve-wracking.

Birthday News
When a child has a birthday here, it's also a homeschool holiday. We have two December birthdays six days apart, one of which we're celebrating today. Thus, I have time to write this post!

Mary is turning 8; Mary is her blog name, not her real name. She's my only child without a biblical name. Let me just say there aren't a lot of pretty female biblical names, and she was my first girl. For my second girl, I chose what I think is a pretty name, but an obscure mention only in the Bible, albeit a noble one. Now to the point: "Mary" wants to change her name to Mary. I said all it would take is some paperwork, and I understand how it must feel to be the only child without a biblical name. How about adding it as a nickname, I suggested. She already has a nickname made from her middle name, and we could add Mary to it. Then, when she gets married and changes her last name, if she still wants to change her first name, she could do it at that time.

She's happy with that solution, thank goodness. My heart is getting used to Mary Rose, and I rather love it.

10 Things About the Birthday Girls

Turning 8, Mary loves...
~ frogs, toads and butterflies
~ that God is always watching over her; praise songs
~ playing outside
~ stuffed animals
~ sister and brothers
~ active play
~ playing with balls
~ Christmas trees and Christmas season
~ the Liberty Kids DVD series (about the Revolutionary War and politics in aftermath; she's seen it 5 times!)
~ train tracks and trains
~ making pictures for friends

Turning 6, Beth
~ I have a Bible name
~ I have a stuffed dog named Violet
~ I love doing ballet
~ I love singing
~ I want to ride a pony one day
~ I love princesses (they can wear beautiful pink, pink, pink dresses)
~ I love pink
~ I like pretty pink bows, lollipops, and cupcakes
~ I like my friends Emma and Shelby at church
~ I like that God makes our stress go away, and that princesses don't have stress (She's half right anyway. I'm trying to explain to them lately that stress is not always a bad thing. It's a cue that it's time to sit at the Lord's feet. It's only bad when we let it continue.)
~ I love pretty pink tutus

And last month Paul turned 11, which wasn't documented yet on my blog:

Paul loves...
~ making up board games; playing them
~ active play with balls; football
~ making up cards games
~ making chocolate pie and Russian tea cakes
~ math
~ making homemade presents for his siblings (sewing, knitting, painting)
~ playing chess with Daddy
~ attending local college football and basketball games with Daddy
~ reading the Bible
~ writing devotions

School News

My boys' Sonlight:
The boys are both reading The Bronze Bow by Elizabeth George Speare, as part of Sonlight Core G, World History Part 1. I read it to them three years ago as a read aloud. It's outstanding story-telling, gripping, heart-stretching.

Publisher Synopsis: He trains my hands for war, so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze. –from the Song of David (2 Samuel 22:35)

The Bronze Bow, written by Elizabeth George Speare (author of The Witch of Blackbird Pond) won the Newbery Medal in 1962. This gripping, action-packed novel tells the story of eighteen-year-old Daniel bar Jamin—a fierce, hotheaded young man bent on revenging his father’s death by forcing the Romans from his land of Israel. Daniel’s palpable hatred for Romans wanes only when he starts to hear the gentle lessons of the traveling carpenter, Jesus of Nazareth. A fast-paced, suspenseful, vividly wrought tale of friendship, loyalty, the idea of home, community . . . and ultimately, as Jesus says to Daniel on page 224: “Can’t you see, Daniel, it is hate that is the enemy? Not men. Hate does not die with killing. It only springs up a hundredfold. The only thing stronger than hate is love.” A powerful, relevant read in turbulent times.

Other Sonlight News: They're also continuing in Usborne Encyclopedia of World History, and now in Augustus Caesar's World as well.

Synopsis: Considered the innovator of "horizontal history," Genevieve Foster became frustrated when her two school-aged children complained about the boring presentation of history in their school texts. This frustration led to Foster's first book, George Washington's World (1941). In her unique approach, Foster weaves a story of the world around her central character; rather than focusing exclusively on geo-political events, as most textbooks do; she includes stories of scientific discovery and invention, music, literature, art, and religion. She has a keen intuition for stories that will especially delight and amuse her youthful audience. In Augustus Caesar's World, Foster traces the seven major civilizations Rome, Greece, Israel, Egypt, China, India, and Persia from 4500 B.C. to the time of Augustus Caesar in 44 B.C. and culminating in 14 A.D. Within this timeframe readers will learn not only the stories of Julius Caesar, Cleopatra, and Marc Antony, but also the historian Livy and how Virgil came to write the Aeneid. Foster will then take her readers all over the world to learn what was happening at this same time in China, Persia, India and so on. Foster's detailed pen and ink drawings are fresh and appealing, and her illustrated timelines give a clear sense of chronology, enriching the engaging text. An all-time customer favorite!

Grammar

We switched to Easy Grammar and we're all finding that painless and helpful. The program bases it all on the prepositional phrase as a framework of reference, and everything else is taught after that. We have only the student workbooks and so far I've found any extra info I need I can find on the Internet. So much is written about grammar that no teacher edition is needed, but of course it would help to have all parts. We've spent more this year on curriculum than any other year, due to my daughter's dyslexia and needing very specific things to address that (from the All About Learning Press company). That also led to me having less time to spend with the boys, and needing resources for them that required less teacher input. I had to make some switches along those lines. 

Kindergarten and Second Grade News

Mary, second grade, who has dyslexia, is excelling with All About Reading Level 2, and I continue to want to hug the creator of that program daily (Marie). Mary looked back to the first story in her book, started back in late September, and she couldn't believe how easy that first story was. She remembers it being a struggle for her back then; even she is amazed at her progress.

Beth is doing well with All About Reading Level 1 as well. 

Both girls are doing Sonlight Core B, with Mommy reading the read alouds, and Peter doing the science with them, and Paul doing the non-fiction history core (reading it aloud). It's a family effort. Beth (grade K) does not always have the attention span the material requires, but she's picking up some.

Writing

Writing is not going as planned. Write Shop Junior Level E takes more teacher time than I hoped, and I have to get it organized better so we're fitting it in consistently. Meanwhile, they're writing in their journals all the time, and being asked there to respond to literature. The Write Shop program is not the problem--it's me. They have the lessons well organized for you. Instead of trying to destress from having special needs children after everyone goes to bed at night, I need to carve out time to preplan our writing segments. It's a discipline on my part.

Christmas Picture Books to Share: And many more shared on this page on my blog

Christmas Soup by Alice Faye Duncan and Phyllis Dooley (Copyright 2005)

Synopsis: A zonderkidz book, not readily available. Look for it in the holiday section of your library. Very touching. Every year the Beene family dreams of a Christmas feast, but every year they get the same old watery soup. The true meaning of Christmas is revealed in this touching picture book with poignant illustrations by Jan Spivey Gilchrist. While Mama is making the traditional Christmas soup her children wish for more. When Baby Fannie prays 'Bless our home with something more'--- and that 'more' turns out to be two hungry strangers to feed, it seems as if things can't get much worse. But the soup---a true feast for the hungry pair---is shared, and the Beene children learn a lesson about giving they won't soon forget. This tender story is sure to become a Christmas classic!

Apple Tree Christmas by Trinka Hakes Noble (copyright 1984 - new edition 2005)

Good Reads Reader Synopsis (first featured - Shanna Gonzalez): The Ansterbergs live in the end of their old barn which they share with their animals, and they look forward to the time when Papa will be able to build them a real house. Every Fall they harvest the apples from their old apple tree, and then the tree is free for the two girls to play. One makes a swing out of the vine which wraps around the trunk and branches; the other makes a drawing "studio" out of a broad limb. In the days filled with hard work and chores, the tree provides a great deal of joy to the children. But one night a blizzard destroys the tree, and for two weeks before Christmas the barn is filled with the sounds of Papa sawing the tree up into firewood. The girls are so distracted by grief that they are barely able to prepare their homemade Christmas gifts for the family. Even on Christmas Eve, he stays up late into the night, sawing. On Christmas morning Papa unveils their presents: a section of vine, nailed to the overhead beam, with homemade rag doll astride, and a drawing board affixed to the rescued "studio" limb, adorned with real paper and willow charcoal. The second child draws a picture to commemorate these events in 1881, and it stays on the family's wall for many years.

This book is exceptional in many ways: the drawings are skillfully evocative, and the text is just right in its level of descriptive detail and emotion. The story compellingly draws its audience in to share the girls' fear as they huddle under the table listening to ice strike their roof, watching Mama feed the fire that keeps the cold at bay. And listeners are disappointed along with the girls when their favorite place to play is destroyed. When the children's joy is restored due through the generous love of their parents, the effect is of a deeply joyful experience of a strong family which chooses to embrace love, hard work, and determination in the face of significant challenges. It's an outstanding addition to the Christmas basket.

My Notes: While this is out of print, your library may have it if it keeps a holiday section. It is worth looking for. A real classic! My girls and I all loved it and wanted more!

Gifts of the Heart by Patricia Polacco (Copyright 2013)

Synopsis: Beloved author-illustrator Patricia Polacco’s holiday story is a wonderful ode to the magic of family, Christmas, and giving the right kind of gifts—gifts filled with love.

 
Richie and Trisha want to buy Christmas gifts for their family, but they don't have enough money. Enter Kay Lamity, a new housekeeper . . . but is that all she is? She comes into their lives like a whirlwind, brimming with positive energy and a can-do attitude. Kay not only straightens them out when it comes to whether or not Santa Claus is real, she teaches them something about gifts: the just-good-enough kind that come from the pocketbook and the unforgettable kind that come from the heart. Because of Kay, Trisha and Richie—and the family—have a Christmas morning they will never forget.

Celebrating the joy of homemade gifts, Patricia Polacco introduces readers to a new character who is truly a force of nature in this story reminiscent of Christmas Tapestry and An Orange for Frankie. This is a magical Christmas story the author swears is true, right down to the sleigh tracks on the farmhouse roof!

My Notes: I loved this heartwarming, well-told story, and although it tries to affirm a childhood belief in Santa (not the focal point, however), I didn't have a problem with that, even though we don't do Santa in our home. We want our children to believe in the power and omniscience of God, and assign such traits to no other entity. We tell them that Santa is from a pleasant story, derived from the kindness and goodness of a true St. Nicholas, but stolen by commercialism. Though we want them to know the truth, we don't ban Santa movies or stories. This book is worthy of your family time. We loved it!