Sunday, June 21, 2015

When Father's Day is Bittersweet

This post is for all those who didn't have a father who made them feel like a special girl all those growing-up, and grown-up years. Sometimes we felt like we were barely on their radar. Definitely, we weren't someone they took pleasure to invest their hearts in, so this day is bittersweet, even after we've forgiven.

Look at your father as a young boy who was hurting himself, because that was probably reality. When we aren't honest about our upbringings and the pain they caused, we can't move forward. So many adults are adults in age only--not because of the way they think, feel, and behave. So do yourself a favor--don't minimize your own hurting. Acknowledge that you have some wounds so the Lord can heal you and move you forward, whole in Him.

Our unhealthy, troubled parents wanted credit for their desire to do the right thing--for their ideals--even though they rarely did the right thing. They couldn't deal with the truth of their situations; they deceived themselves and hope they deceived us just as well.

We avoid their mistakes and hidden regrets by acknowledging the pain. The Lord will direct our healing path and bring any resource forward that can genuinely help us re-parent ourselves, and also parent our own children excellently.

My father's biggest mistake? His own father was an alcoholic and he never acknowledged the pain and turmoil that caused. Instead, he minimized it and liked to pretend it wasn't his reality. He didn't speak of it until I recently asked him about it. Now on his fifth wife and third family, peace still alludes him and there are six children--two each from his families--hurting because he was never able to move forward in a healthy way.

Keep in mind this is an anonymous blog which I don't share with acquaintances, friends, or family, so he is unlikely to ever see things I've written.

I am praying for all of you in this boat, that our Heavenly Father would make you feel like His special daughter today and always. Make sure to get in some Bible reading today. You need a reminder of His love and faithfulness.

And do not neglect your own pain, please? That doesn't mean you play the victim--a fear that can keep us stagnant. Acknowledging pain and the need for healing is not playing the victim. It's wisdom.

Pass this message forward to whomever needs it. Give those children in the neighborhood who don't have a dad at home today a pat on the shoulder, and remind them of our Heavenly Father's beautiful, faithful love.

Much love to you!

Psalm 146:9 The Lord watches over the sojourners; he upholds the widow and the fatherless, but the way of the wicked he brings to ruin.

Psalm 27:10 For my father and my mother have forsaken me, but the Lord will take me in.

Jeremiah 1:5 “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.”


Anonymous said...

Beautiful, thoughtful words, Christine. One sentence from this post stood out for me: 'They couldn't deal with the truth of their situations; they deceived themselves and hope they deceived us just as well.' Yes. This describes more than one person in my life.

Tesha Papik said...

This really spoke to me I do not see or talk to my biological father, my grandfather that raised me and my father-in-law that I loved have both Gone on to Heaven... That I can leave an emptiness on Father's Day. I find comfort and joy in watching my husband loves his children and them enjoy him. Thank you for this great reminder to let Jesus heal the pain and not just push it down.