Tough days here. Much grace called for.
Peter is struggling so much. Last night, after he launched into yet another disrespectful fit--there had been at least ten--I lunged forward to spank him. But due to his angry resistance, I ended up wrestling with him instead. Then, because it had been one of the worst days of both our lives, we fell to the carpet and just cried. And held each other.
Sobbing, he said, "Why am I like this? Why am I just trouble? I was born so bad!"
That broke me.
I soothed him, and myself, for several minutes. And then I told him how much I loved him and admired him. And how sorry I was for him, that he had ADHD to deal with. And how it must be so hard to fight for control that just isn't there.
And I told him that sometimes, when he spends a whole day being angry, it is hard for me to remember that he doesn't want to be angry. That he doesn't mean to be angry.
And I explained that God's grace is sufficient for him, just as it is for Momma with her headaches. Yes, ADHD is very hard to live with. But God has a purpose in it. We have to open our hearts and embrace all that he has for us--even the things we wouldn't choose.
He understood. Melting into me, he lounged quietly, soaking up my love.
And while I held him it occurred to me that spiritually speaking, he was an old man already. Seasoned. Weathered.
_______________________________
So, why the flair up lately?
My husband is gone entire days and evenings now, due to his Census work, his part-time work, and his school attendance. I am doing everything. I'm constantly hurried, which is unsettling to Peter.
With three other children to care for and no physical help, I can't provide the feedback Peter's brain craves. The constant reassurance. The constant contact. He pushes himself on me, trying to make sure I put him above the others, because he simply cannot wait, any more than a one year old can wait. Seriously.
A number of circumstances have rendered me more of a slave than normal. Do you feel like that sometimes? That you're mostly slave labor? Not in a negative way, but just practically speaking? Here are my recent circumstances, and I don't list them in a complaining spirit, but just as an illustration.
- The spring mud. Each time they go out it's another load of clothes and another vacuuming. Chunks of mud do more damage the longer they stay on the carpet. Sometimes, the kids have to stop everything and get showers, which requires my presence and assistance. The alternative is to keep them in, which isn't an option after a long, closed-up winter.
- My toddler eats so messily that it takes an hour of cleaning three times a day to make our table, floor, booster seat, and baby adequately clean, together with the dishes and counter clean up (not looking for perfection here).
- Meal prep, three times a day, gets more complicated when you use whole foods and when you have four children to prepare plates for. A simple breakfast of hot oatmeal can take forty-five minutes to prepare, with all the individualized toppings and age-appropriate dishware, silverware and cupware. Giving the kids access to their own brown sugar, their own berries, their own milk, is a battle for which I don't presently have the patience. Let's just say they'd have oatmeal with their brown sugar, rather than brown sugar with their oatmeal.
- The bathing and diapering/potty training are always complicated, and now, without help, our evenings are quite harried. The one and three year old need a lot of assistance, and the older ones are prone to fooling around during this time. It takes some riding herd to get it all done in time for stories and prayer to be included. Without stories and prayer, every one falls apart. They need those two things to feel secure about their lives. Some things have to stay the same in their young lives. Bedtime stories and prayer aren't negotiable items.
- Without cable TV, they play more games and do more crafts--both of which require a LOT of supervised clean up.
The pace at which I must keep moving to ensure that minimal physical needs are met, leaves me little time to attend to Peter's high maintenance personality. And with Daddy's own ADHD flaring up due to the change in his schedule, I've got two competing, yet strikingly similar personalities to juggle.
Peter tried Strattera (non-stimulant ADHD medication) a while back and we found it to be very effective. But it aggravated anxiety, so we discontinued it. Then, because the anxiety was high no matter what we did, we tried the Strattera again (months later). This time it didn't aggravate anxiety, but instead seemed to improve it. After one month though, it quit working entirely. This week I sense an increased impairment in mood control, which didn't occur with this medication the last time. Many people do find that it just quits working, for whatever reason. Needless to say, we're done with it! I didn't give it tonight. I think we've reached the end of the road, medicinally speaking.
I'm left with a situation I can't fix. Or improve. Or control. And we're all affected.
As much as I want to be intentional and good at this parenting jig, I simply can't. Too many complications thwart my efforts.
My hands are tied.
Except for two things. I can read Scripture to them despite the chaos. I can pray with them despite the chaos. Most days, if I've done those two things, I force myself to feel good about the day, no matter what else happened.
God has tied my hands, I am convinced.
And why? Why would he give me a set of circumstances that seem hopeless? Are hopeless?
This blog title says it all.
Glory to the Father.
If these kids achieve success, whether measured my way or the world's way--any kind of success--it will not be because of me.
And that is precisely the way God wants it.
My human need to shine as a parent...to feel successful at it...conflicts with His need to be glorified.
My conclusion then, is this:
I need to drop my agenda. Just drop it.
And follow Him.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
NASA educational kits free
The following message came through my homeschool group:
To celebrate the 40th anniversary of Apollo, NASA Education is offering educational kits for FREE - yes, FREE - all you pay is shipping (2 items are $7.00, 4 items are $14, 6 items are $21)....
Order a physical catalog by calling 1-866-776-2673 - mention the "NASA Celebrates Apollo" sale
Kits available for all grade levels including teacher kits.
Offer expires December 2010.
You can also check items out on their web site at http://education. nasa.gov/ edprograms/ core/home/ index.html
However, I could not locate the Apollo sale on the web site.
To celebrate the 40th anniversary of Apollo, NASA Education is offering educational kits for FREE - yes, FREE - all you pay is shipping (2 items are $7.00, 4 items are $14, 6 items are $21)....
Order a physical catalog by calling 1-866-776-2673 - mention the "NASA Celebrates Apollo" sale
Kits available for all grade levels including teacher kits.
Offer expires December 2010.
You can also check items out on their web site at http://education. nasa.gov/ edprograms/ core/home/ index.html
However, I could not locate the Apollo sale on the web site.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Pizza Hut book-it/ ADHD and pesticides
You've heard of the Pizza Hut Book-It program? It is also available for homeschoolers. You set a monthly reading goal for your child, and if he meets or exceeds it, he gets a free personal pan pizza (one pizza per month, Oct.- Mar.). Here is the Pizza Hut website you need to enroll your K-6 child for the 2010-11 program. Register through the end of June, 2010.
Did you see the article on ADHD and pesticides? Not good. I will never buy another non-organic strawberry! My ADHD son has eaten tons of strawberries every year since his birth. He also loves blueberries and every other berry, for that matter. I do wash all produce, but I wonder how much good that does.
It is indisputable that ADHD is highly heritable. One third of adult men with ADHD have at least one son with the disorder. Where does that leave chemical poisoning? Intriguing question.
I found other links after reading the main article. A 2008 study revealed that 28% of frozen blueberries tested positive for pesticide residue. 25% of fresh strawberries also tested positive. Celery was another offender.
We had to use a pesticide service in our home in California for a horrific ant problem. Peter was 3.5 years old when we moved out of that house. He began to display ADHD symptoms at about 3 - 3.5 years old. Most of the spraying was done outside; they only sprayed inside the first time. Other times, we had to use Raid indoors. The house was literally built on an ant hill!
When we looked at the vacant house before buying, we noticed a lot of dead ants on the window sills. Otherwise, it was a great house. I figured the ants had something to do with the unmarried man who lived in it. He was a fireman and had to leave the house a few days a week.
I was very wrong, and we learned a valuable lesson. Always look for ants when looking to buy a home. If the foundation is covered with them, the house will be infested too, most likely. Check the windowsills. It is so hard to share a home with ants! They were in every room in that house. I stayed away from pesticides until I was going out of mind, and then we prayed about it and decided to get help.
Thankfully, this house gets few ants. I love it for that reason alone!
P.S. I found yet another review on the Story of the World history books.
Did you see the article on ADHD and pesticides? Not good. I will never buy another non-organic strawberry! My ADHD son has eaten tons of strawberries every year since his birth. He also loves blueberries and every other berry, for that matter. I do wash all produce, but I wonder how much good that does.
It is indisputable that ADHD is highly heritable. One third of adult men with ADHD have at least one son with the disorder. Where does that leave chemical poisoning? Intriguing question.
I found other links after reading the main article. A 2008 study revealed that 28% of frozen blueberries tested positive for pesticide residue. 25% of fresh strawberries also tested positive. Celery was another offender.
We had to use a pesticide service in our home in California for a horrific ant problem. Peter was 3.5 years old when we moved out of that house. He began to display ADHD symptoms at about 3 - 3.5 years old. Most of the spraying was done outside; they only sprayed inside the first time. Other times, we had to use Raid indoors. The house was literally built on an ant hill!
When we looked at the vacant house before buying, we noticed a lot of dead ants on the window sills. Otherwise, it was a great house. I figured the ants had something to do with the unmarried man who lived in it. He was a fireman and had to leave the house a few days a week.
I was very wrong, and we learned a valuable lesson. Always look for ants when looking to buy a home. If the foundation is covered with them, the house will be infested too, most likely. Check the windowsills. It is so hard to share a home with ants! They were in every room in that house. I stayed away from pesticides until I was going out of mind, and then we prayed about it and decided to get help.
Thankfully, this house gets few ants. I love it for that reason alone!
P.S. I found yet another review on the Story of the World history books.
history resource for home and public-schooled students
Lately I'm seeing more and more reviews on the history collection entitled, The Story of the World, by Susan Wise Bauer. She writes these volumes in story form, with no cumbersome attention paid to obscure details. I'm definitely purchasing the first volume for our new year, should I be so blessed to find a used copy. Go here for an excellent review with accompanying links for purchase.
Your auditory learner will glean much from having these read aloud. Your visual learner will need to reread them himself at another time. Both learners will retain more from these than they would from a traditional history textbook.
Definitely a winning purchase for your children, whether they are homeschooled or not! Public schools are largely neglecting the content areas, so all children will benefit from these storied history volumes (four total).
Your auditory learner will glean much from having these read aloud. Your visual learner will need to reread them himself at another time. Both learners will retain more from these than they would from a traditional history textbook.
Definitely a winning purchase for your children, whether they are homeschooled or not! Public schools are largely neglecting the content areas, so all children will benefit from these storied history volumes (four total).
rekindling love
Over the weekend I spent time reading The Pioneer Woman's love story, which chronicles her courtship with Marlboro Man. It is beautifully written. She is a wonderful, engaging writer. A book deal already signed, she is in the process of writing part ll (post wedding years) right now.
A. very. romantic. tale.
I started on Saturday night after I put the kids to bed (husband at work). Folks, I could not peel myself away until 3:30 in the morning! This is why I can't read novels much in this season of life. If they're good, I neglect my family and just read and read and read. Somehow, I don't have the willpower to compartmentalize my passions. I love a good story! Unfortunately, I was extremely tired and cranky the next day, after sleeping only two hours.
Blogs are inspiring, yet short and sweet and I can go right back to my family. But, oh! How I miss novels!
As I read I felt sad that as a couple, we haven't had opportunity to touch base with one another often enough to keep our love and passion fresh. The Pioneer Woman's mother-in-law is close by, so they've had opportunities to get out of town, and take shorter breathers fairly often. Since Beth was born seventeen months ago, we've been on one date, which was about 90 minutes long. I think the previous one was a year earlier, and equally short. Since we had our first child in 2002, we've been on about ten dates total, and none more than a couple hours long.
Moreover, since my husband works nights, there is precious little time available to us that doesn't involve the children's presence. The two nights he is home (Tues and Thurs), he often falls asleep out of sheer exhaustion, or he has studying to do, since there is little time for that as well.
It took reading Ree's love story to help me realize how far we've drifted from one another. There is still a sacred covenant, and mutual love, but our limited time means we're barely friends. Both of us realize this is a temporary season, but that doesn't make it easier right now.
I've grieved since finishing her story. So much. They had four children in 8 years, and we had four children in 7 years. And yet their romance is still very much alive. Or so it seems. I know blogs can be deceptive.
Our romance? Not vibrant, to say the least.
I had about fifteen minutes to tell my husband about the story, while the kids were briefly in the playroom. I told him how sorry I was for not hugging and kissing him daily, for more than brief seconds at his departure. Touch and talk bring cravings for more. Okay...for a man, maybe not the talk part. But when opportunity is absent for too long, there is a slow drifting away, and then the cravings drift also.
The only thing I can do differently, is to spend more time giving him affection while the kids are around. The remaining variables are out of my control.
When there were fewer broken families in our culture, people wanted to be around extended family more often--even live down the street from one another. But with all the divorces now, many want to move away from their folks to minimize exposure to various problems.
The result? Married couples have no familial support. No one invests in the marriage enough to lend a hand on a regular basis.
In the average 2.2 kid household, this can be remedied by hiring babysitters, if they're available. But the more kids you add, the fewer offers you get. And, the fewer people you run across who can actually handle your brood. My dad, at seventy, couldn't handle all of them when he was here. My aunt and uncle can't handle all of them right now either. As Beth gets older, that may change.
Don't let this happen to you! If you're in the throes of multiple diapers and spills and potty training right now, brainstorm ways to keep your passion alive.
And read Ree's love story as a reminder of what passion really is. Not as a comparison. Just as a reminder of what you first saw in your husband, and how you first felt when he embraced you.
It's not R rated, by the way.
P. S. Whatever you do, don't write me to say I have to get creative and do the deed in the bathroom. Yikes. My Houdini toddler can not be contained! Such suggestions, which you often hear about, must be for couples with older children. Or for younger couples with raging libidos. Whatever.
Just don't write that. Okay? I'll have to throw cyber shoes at you, channeling poor George Bush's ordeal.
A. very. romantic. tale.
I started on Saturday night after I put the kids to bed (husband at work). Folks, I could not peel myself away until 3:30 in the morning! This is why I can't read novels much in this season of life. If they're good, I neglect my family and just read and read and read. Somehow, I don't have the willpower to compartmentalize my passions. I love a good story! Unfortunately, I was extremely tired and cranky the next day, after sleeping only two hours.
Blogs are inspiring, yet short and sweet and I can go right back to my family. But, oh! How I miss novels!
As I read I felt sad that as a couple, we haven't had opportunity to touch base with one another often enough to keep our love and passion fresh. The Pioneer Woman's mother-in-law is close by, so they've had opportunities to get out of town, and take shorter breathers fairly often. Since Beth was born seventeen months ago, we've been on one date, which was about 90 minutes long. I think the previous one was a year earlier, and equally short. Since we had our first child in 2002, we've been on about ten dates total, and none more than a couple hours long.
Moreover, since my husband works nights, there is precious little time available to us that doesn't involve the children's presence. The two nights he is home (Tues and Thurs), he often falls asleep out of sheer exhaustion, or he has studying to do, since there is little time for that as well.
It took reading Ree's love story to help me realize how far we've drifted from one another. There is still a sacred covenant, and mutual love, but our limited time means we're barely friends. Both of us realize this is a temporary season, but that doesn't make it easier right now.
I've grieved since finishing her story. So much. They had four children in 8 years, and we had four children in 7 years. And yet their romance is still very much alive. Or so it seems. I know blogs can be deceptive.
Our romance? Not vibrant, to say the least.
I had about fifteen minutes to tell my husband about the story, while the kids were briefly in the playroom. I told him how sorry I was for not hugging and kissing him daily, for more than brief seconds at his departure. Touch and talk bring cravings for more. Okay...for a man, maybe not the talk part. But when opportunity is absent for too long, there is a slow drifting away, and then the cravings drift also.
The only thing I can do differently, is to spend more time giving him affection while the kids are around. The remaining variables are out of my control.
When there were fewer broken families in our culture, people wanted to be around extended family more often--even live down the street from one another. But with all the divorces now, many want to move away from their folks to minimize exposure to various problems.
The result? Married couples have no familial support. No one invests in the marriage enough to lend a hand on a regular basis.
In the average 2.2 kid household, this can be remedied by hiring babysitters, if they're available. But the more kids you add, the fewer offers you get. And, the fewer people you run across who can actually handle your brood. My dad, at seventy, couldn't handle all of them when he was here. My aunt and uncle can't handle all of them right now either. As Beth gets older, that may change.
Don't let this happen to you! If you're in the throes of multiple diapers and spills and potty training right now, brainstorm ways to keep your passion alive.
And read Ree's love story as a reminder of what passion really is. Not as a comparison. Just as a reminder of what you first saw in your husband, and how you first felt when he embraced you.
It's not R rated, by the way.
P. S. Whatever you do, don't write me to say I have to get creative and do the deed in the bathroom. Yikes. My Houdini toddler can not be contained! Such suggestions, which you often hear about, must be for couples with older children. Or for younger couples with raging libidos. Whatever.
Just don't write that. Okay? I'll have to throw cyber shoes at you, channeling poor George Bush's ordeal.
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