Contemplating a daycare business today, run with my husband's help. We both have teaching gifts and we have a yard and teaching materials, a multitude of books, some good traditional toys, and a house conducive to this type business.
While my husband has trouble being patient with my ADHD son, he is plenty patient with our other children, and was very patient when we ran a daycare in 2006, and in parts of 2007. Babies aren't his forte, true, but they are certainly mine.
At most, we had two children at a time: a fourteen-month-old baby girl, and a three-year-old preschooler girl. They were very happy here. Unfortunately, I had to say goodbye to them when I suffered severe morning sickness with Mary's unexpected pregnancy. The parents were upset with me, as it is a hardship to find new childcare--both for the parents and for their children, who need stability while Mom and Dad are away. I felt terrible, but saw no other option. I was really struggling to care for my own children. Husband worked second shift and helped me until 2:30 p.m., but that wasn't enough.
During the time I babysat, I spent three to four hours a night cleaning my house. I had no free time! It was perhaps the hardest I'd ever worked in my life. I don't relish the return of that pace of life, but in order to save the house, I don't see another option.
Our children enjoyed having the other children here. It will be hard for my Beth at first to have less of Mommy. God will have to provide the grace we'll need, just as he would if I had more biological children. I've learned a lot from blogs on running large families. We would essentially be adding to our family, and would have to treat each child the same.
There is no financial stability in the daycare business, and no health benefits, so it isn't ideal. But, it puts our God-given talents to good use. I know how to be a blessing to children, and I can be a non-judgmental support to parents, whatever their lifestyle.
It all starts with an ad in the newspaper. So long as I can keep up with the cost of the ad, I will give this a go. And see how God provides.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
mindset
We read this Psalm at lunch. Dwelling on it tonight:
Psalm 145:8,9
The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. The Lord is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made.
Psalm 145:17-19
The Lord is righteous in all his ways and loving toward all he has made. The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them.
That time of no hope is upon me again. So predictable now. Why do you suppose the Lord gives women this time of month? This time of tears, downtrodden face, doomsday musings? Do we need a time to call out to him desperately, with abandon? Does it keep our pride...our independence, in check? Perhaps it's just part of Eve's sin curse--lumped with the "pain in childbirth" thing? I've not dealt with this rhythm regularly since the year 2000. Rediscovering the uncanny nature of it, I suppose.
The trash man came today.
I studied his face, as he picked up rain-sogged trash bags, one by one. It was not a happy face.
Is he well paid? Have benefits? Does he have a family?
Does he wonder why some people get to go to their cushy desk jobs, while he has to deal with our filth?
My husband cleans for a living. Same as the trash man--other people's filth.
No, he doesn't like it either.
Some have talents. Some have sharp minds. Some have both. Some only have their bodies. For whatever reason, their minds don't bring home a paycheck. A learning disability? A poor education? A disorder that limits? No ambition? A checkered past?
When man lived off the land, it was a given that talents were passed down from generation to generation. Now, labor is specialized.
Can't fix your clogged sink? Call the plumber.
Can't churn your own butter? You need the grocery store.
Can't build your own house, or fence? Call a carpenter.
Progress has made us all more helpless, in a way. When you lose your job, you're in a fix for a while. Changing fields is never simple or quick, no matter how many mouths there are to feed.
I read some economic news today. Depression. They're throwing that word around again. Are we headed for it? How many families will wish they had multiple talents? How many will wish they could trade food for their labor?
Back to the trash man and my husband.
God gave out talents and differing levels of intelligence. And he gave out disabilities.
Some disabilities can be overcome. Compensated for, rather. Some can be medicated.
Others must be endured.
I thought about the trash man, and my husband, when I read this today.
The Lord is righteous in all his ways and loving toward all he has made.
He does not value the trash man less. He who cleaned up our filth, with his blood.
We put value on men. We say, "How can he stand that?! Who would want to do it?"
Lord, I don't know what to say tonight. Your ways are mysterious. Bless the man whose face I studied today. Bless my husband. Encourage their hearts. Help them to have a kingdom mindset. Your mindset. Disengage them emotionally from society's hierarchy. May they be the best they can be, and give the glory to You. May they know, deep within, the truth of these words:
The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love......The Lord is righteous in all his ways and loving toward all he has made.
In your name, Amen.
Psalm 145:8,9
The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. The Lord is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made.
Psalm 145:17-19
The Lord is righteous in all his ways and loving toward all he has made. The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them.
That time of no hope is upon me again. So predictable now. Why do you suppose the Lord gives women this time of month? This time of tears, downtrodden face, doomsday musings? Do we need a time to call out to him desperately, with abandon? Does it keep our pride...our independence, in check? Perhaps it's just part of Eve's sin curse--lumped with the "pain in childbirth" thing? I've not dealt with this rhythm regularly since the year 2000. Rediscovering the uncanny nature of it, I suppose.
The trash man came today.
I studied his face, as he picked up rain-sogged trash bags, one by one. It was not a happy face.
Is he well paid? Have benefits? Does he have a family?
Does he wonder why some people get to go to their cushy desk jobs, while he has to deal with our filth?
My husband cleans for a living. Same as the trash man--other people's filth.
No, he doesn't like it either.
Some have talents. Some have sharp minds. Some have both. Some only have their bodies. For whatever reason, their minds don't bring home a paycheck. A learning disability? A poor education? A disorder that limits? No ambition? A checkered past?
When man lived off the land, it was a given that talents were passed down from generation to generation. Now, labor is specialized.
Can't fix your clogged sink? Call the plumber.
Can't churn your own butter? You need the grocery store.
Can't build your own house, or fence? Call a carpenter.
Progress has made us all more helpless, in a way. When you lose your job, you're in a fix for a while. Changing fields is never simple or quick, no matter how many mouths there are to feed.
I read some economic news today. Depression. They're throwing that word around again. Are we headed for it? How many families will wish they had multiple talents? How many will wish they could trade food for their labor?
Back to the trash man and my husband.
God gave out talents and differing levels of intelligence. And he gave out disabilities.
Some disabilities can be overcome. Compensated for, rather. Some can be medicated.
Others must be endured.
I thought about the trash man, and my husband, when I read this today.
The Lord is righteous in all his ways and loving toward all he has made.
He does not value the trash man less. He who cleaned up our filth, with his blood.
We put value on men. We say, "How can he stand that?! Who would want to do it?"
Lord, I don't know what to say tonight. Your ways are mysterious. Bless the man whose face I studied today. Bless my husband. Encourage their hearts. Help them to have a kingdom mindset. Your mindset. Disengage them emotionally from society's hierarchy. May they be the best they can be, and give the glory to You. May they know, deep within, the truth of these words:
The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love......The Lord is righteous in all his ways and loving toward all he has made.
In your name, Amen.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
backyard blessings
Gotta love summer fun--kid style! Thank the Lord for abundant shade after 2 p.m.!
Not a summer day goes by that I don't give thanks for the blessing of a backyard.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
with God today, among the beauty of his hand
In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth...God saw all that he had made, and it was very good.
Genesis 1:1,31
The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge. There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard. Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world.
Psalm 19: 1-4
For you make me glad by your deeds, O Lord; I sing for joy at the works of your hands. How great are your works O Lord, How profound your thoughts.
Psalm 92:4-5
Ever since the creation of the world his eternal power and divine nature, invisible though they are, have been understood and seen through the things he has made.
Romans 1:20
don't tell Him what to do
My ADHD son threw tantrums more than once on three consecutive days this week. Feeling exhausted and helpless to change our plight, I am reminded of a similar situation back in 1999-2000.
I was a teacher in my eighth year of first grade. The school office "gifted" me with multiple behavior problems, thinking that I could "fix" them. I had a reputation for being firm but loving.
Little did they know, however, that working with angry kids wasn't my strong point. Angry and defiant children made me angry. I didn't know this about myself, or understand it.
After the first three months of school I experienced stress-induced health problems. In addition, I was angry with the office staff. How dare they? Did they have no idea what they were doing when they made these decisions?
I finally went to my principal--a friend and father figure--asking to have some of my class broken up. No small matter for a principal, obviously. This man, by the way, had given the blessing at my wedding the summer before, at my request. He had prayed for my salvation, along with the office ladies, since I began working there in 1992. I became a Christian in 1997, very grateful for their collective prayers.
Needless to say, I was very fond of him and wanted him to think well of me. I tried to stick it out for his sake.
He was not pleased with me, I could tell. They all thought I was having first-year marriage problems, and that my stress was linked to that, rather than to the behavior problems they saddled me with. Their impression was far from reality. That too, fueled my anger. No one can understand the pressure a teacher is under when there are multiple behavior problems contributing to constant stress in a classroom.
My principal wasn't known for his toughness. He never used any interventions that worked, which may have been due to the nature of the problems our children brought to school. Even though we had a Healthy Start building on our grounds to help low-income families with various needs, we still dealt with a lot of angry kids.
If things aren't stable and supportive at home, children can't be expected to slough off all that worry and stress as soon as they walk through a school building. This alone is why public schools have limited effectiveness. They simply can't be everything to every child, in a institutional setting. Nurturing occurs primarily in the home, with loved ones. With divorces so prevalent and with poverty still a reality in our society, not to mention alcohol and drug abuse, children are often confused and angry with needs that go unmet.
Anyhow, back to my particular plight that year. One day suspensions were a last resort; my principal used them a few times that year. Sadly, nothing changed upon the child's return. Sending kids to the office was only a temporary bandaid; I avoided it when I could. Still, it kept me from blowing my top more than once.
In this extremely low-income area, the problems kids came to school with were just too complicated and pervasive to solve with suspensions. They wondered, often, if they would get evicted from their apartment in any given month; stability was not something they had ever experienced.
I often think that our current low-income status purposely puts me in a position to finally understand what those families were going through. Most of them didn't have the Lord, as I do. Instead, they had alcohol or drugs, or strings of unsuccessful, abusive relationships. I know the constant stress of financial insufficiency. It is huge, and they had no effective tools to help them cope. Shame on me for not trying harder to put myself in their shoes.
Is my current situation my payback, I sometimes wonder? Was it the only way the Lord could teach me mercy? During that time I do remember scoring very low on mercy in a spiritual gifts inventory. I was high in faith, discernment, and exhortation, while very low in mercy, helps and hospitality.
Another first grade teacher offered to take two of my behavior problems. The principal was grateful to her, but still not happy with me. This particular teacher was newer and had weak classroom management skills, but she was fresh. I, on the other hand, suffered from burn out, which unfortunately is very common among teachers. Most actually leave the field within ten years.
The changes were made.
I was left with a few moderate behavior problems, and one extremely severe one. I didn't know it at the time, but the child suffered from severe ADHD, with aggression and oppositional defiant disorder. The year after I had him he pulled a knife on two girls on the playground (after school). He was expelled, and then made the rounds to all the schools in the district, getting expelled multiple times. Finally, I heard, my old school had to take him back, years later. It was their turn again.
I had to take anti-anxiety medicine the year I taught him. It was one of the most difficult years of my life. Still today, I get knots in my stomach thinking about it.
Do you know what I told the Lord when I was pregnant with Peter, about two years after that hellish year?
"Whatever you do Lord, please don't give me someone like Terrell. I can't handle it. I can't parent an angry child, Lord. Please don't do that to me."
My husband, for his part, used to work with mentally challenged individuals, as a direct care worker. They threw tantrums frequently. When I was pregnant with Peter, husband's prayer was that we not have a child who suffered from mental or psychiatric problems (someone who was hard to handle, basically).
And here we are. And here Peter is. And here are daily difficulties, not remedied by medication, and only slightly improved by interventions.
Lesson in all this?
Don't tell the Lord what to do. Rest in him, draw wisdom and strength from him, praise him, live for him.
Just don't tell him what to do. And don't waste your time being angry.
Give thanks for the opportunity. Every hardship is an opportunity.....to get closer to Him.....to do His work.
I was a teacher in my eighth year of first grade. The school office "gifted" me with multiple behavior problems, thinking that I could "fix" them. I had a reputation for being firm but loving.
Little did they know, however, that working with angry kids wasn't my strong point. Angry and defiant children made me angry. I didn't know this about myself, or understand it.
After the first three months of school I experienced stress-induced health problems. In addition, I was angry with the office staff. How dare they? Did they have no idea what they were doing when they made these decisions?
I finally went to my principal--a friend and father figure--asking to have some of my class broken up. No small matter for a principal, obviously. This man, by the way, had given the blessing at my wedding the summer before, at my request. He had prayed for my salvation, along with the office ladies, since I began working there in 1992. I became a Christian in 1997, very grateful for their collective prayers.
Needless to say, I was very fond of him and wanted him to think well of me. I tried to stick it out for his sake.
He was not pleased with me, I could tell. They all thought I was having first-year marriage problems, and that my stress was linked to that, rather than to the behavior problems they saddled me with. Their impression was far from reality. That too, fueled my anger. No one can understand the pressure a teacher is under when there are multiple behavior problems contributing to constant stress in a classroom.
My principal wasn't known for his toughness. He never used any interventions that worked, which may have been due to the nature of the problems our children brought to school. Even though we had a Healthy Start building on our grounds to help low-income families with various needs, we still dealt with a lot of angry kids.
If things aren't stable and supportive at home, children can't be expected to slough off all that worry and stress as soon as they walk through a school building. This alone is why public schools have limited effectiveness. They simply can't be everything to every child, in a institutional setting. Nurturing occurs primarily in the home, with loved ones. With divorces so prevalent and with poverty still a reality in our society, not to mention alcohol and drug abuse, children are often confused and angry with needs that go unmet.
Anyhow, back to my particular plight that year. One day suspensions were a last resort; my principal used them a few times that year. Sadly, nothing changed upon the child's return. Sending kids to the office was only a temporary bandaid; I avoided it when I could. Still, it kept me from blowing my top more than once.
In this extremely low-income area, the problems kids came to school with were just too complicated and pervasive to solve with suspensions. They wondered, often, if they would get evicted from their apartment in any given month; stability was not something they had ever experienced.
I often think that our current low-income status purposely puts me in a position to finally understand what those families were going through. Most of them didn't have the Lord, as I do. Instead, they had alcohol or drugs, or strings of unsuccessful, abusive relationships. I know the constant stress of financial insufficiency. It is huge, and they had no effective tools to help them cope. Shame on me for not trying harder to put myself in their shoes.
Is my current situation my payback, I sometimes wonder? Was it the only way the Lord could teach me mercy? During that time I do remember scoring very low on mercy in a spiritual gifts inventory. I was high in faith, discernment, and exhortation, while very low in mercy, helps and hospitality.
Another first grade teacher offered to take two of my behavior problems. The principal was grateful to her, but still not happy with me. This particular teacher was newer and had weak classroom management skills, but she was fresh. I, on the other hand, suffered from burn out, which unfortunately is very common among teachers. Most actually leave the field within ten years.
The changes were made.
I was left with a few moderate behavior problems, and one extremely severe one. I didn't know it at the time, but the child suffered from severe ADHD, with aggression and oppositional defiant disorder. The year after I had him he pulled a knife on two girls on the playground (after school). He was expelled, and then made the rounds to all the schools in the district, getting expelled multiple times. Finally, I heard, my old school had to take him back, years later. It was their turn again.
I had to take anti-anxiety medicine the year I taught him. It was one of the most difficult years of my life. Still today, I get knots in my stomach thinking about it.
Do you know what I told the Lord when I was pregnant with Peter, about two years after that hellish year?
"Whatever you do Lord, please don't give me someone like Terrell. I can't handle it. I can't parent an angry child, Lord. Please don't do that to me."
My husband, for his part, used to work with mentally challenged individuals, as a direct care worker. They threw tantrums frequently. When I was pregnant with Peter, husband's prayer was that we not have a child who suffered from mental or psychiatric problems (someone who was hard to handle, basically).
And here we are. And here Peter is. And here are daily difficulties, not remedied by medication, and only slightly improved by interventions.
Lesson in all this?
Don't tell the Lord what to do. Rest in him, draw wisdom and strength from him, praise him, live for him.
Just don't tell him what to do. And don't waste your time being angry.
Give thanks for the opportunity. Every hardship is an opportunity.....to get closer to Him.....to do His work.
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