Tonight, I'm so grateful that our heavenly Father is available to us at any moment. How I need him!
Peter's wound needed to be washed and redressed this afternoon. I feel so inadequate about wound care! How I wish we could have the dressing changes professionally done.
The wound care specialist at the ER told me I could use a band aide if the wound looked good after the first home cleaning, and since I don't know how to wrap wounds well, I was grateful to hear this. It did look good, so I washed it, put on the antibiotic gel, and then covered it with a large band aid bandage.
Then, a few hours later, the bandage came off. The wound didn't look as flat as it did when I took off the specialist's dressing. Peter had gone outside to play, finally, after doing indoor things for two days. Did riding his bike make it puffy and was that a mistake? I know it's not infected--no sign of that. And I know wounds can get puffy in the healing process. But I worried myself so much this evening, wondering if the wound would close nicely without mishap, and wondering if I'd done something wrong.
As I was reading Little Men (Louisa May Alcott) to the boys before bed, I cried at one part, and then couldn't stop crying.
Oh my, I thought. Am I going through perimenopause or something--is this a crying spell, a mood swing, like my sudden anger yesterday? Or was the emotion just related to worry about Peter's finger?
I don't know, but I was too emotionally exhausted to pray with the boys, even, when I tucked them in. All I could do was get into bed with each of them in turn, cuddling and telling them I loved them.
I'll whisper this verse over and over tonight, and go to bed early:
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Matthew 11:28-30
Saturday, November 13, 2010
insignificant
Today started like any other day. Nothing significantly different.
Except for the intense anger I fought all morning.
I looked at the dining room floor, full of tiny leaf remnants. The carpet throughout the house? The same.
Some can't stand a sink full of dishes, or a disheveled bathroom, or unfolded laundry. For me, dirty floors and carpets are the trigger.
Ignoring it wasn't possible; it was just too littered. Finding uninterrupted time to sweep and vacuum large areas is a challenge with a toddler in my midst.
Too, I was behind on laundry. It was everywhere! The folding is a problem for me, but the washing and drying and hanging I usually keep up with. Just not the last few days. We dedicated time outside to rake and bag leaves, partially so they'd quit showing up on my floors. But no deal. They're still here.
Along with the laundry.
Buy why my intense anger? I rarely feel like the house actually looks good. Only when company is due does the place shine--and that at great cost to the family. Otherwise, there's always a problem area, or two, or three.
Insignificant. That's how I felt, looking at the room full of leaves, which I'd just vacuumed yesterday. I just clean and reclean. Is there any true value in that? Some days are so discouraging, it's hard not to feel like Cinderella.
Some women are significant because of a career, a business, a published book, a ministry, a family name, a website, etc.
Me? I'm insignificant. My corner of the world is very small.
Or so it feels, some mornings.
I could end this here, because I know that adding Scripture about humbling oneself and serving others doesn't change the daily reality for mothers with toddlers and babies and other littles. Always feeling behind and always having a huge list to complete, is just plain hard. Thankless. Maddening. Monotonous.
Feeling behind is a season of mothering. When there are babies and littles among us, we do less and cuddle more. There's no formula or answer. Things are just messy. It doesn't mean we've failed or that we're slobs--no matter what outsiders may think.
But that feeling of insignificance I spoke of? That we must fight!
As mothers, how many lives do we impact? Don't think just the number of your children, as you answer this. Think of your children's friends, their future spouses, their in-laws, your grandchildren and great grandchildren and their whole families, and anyone else who will ever reap a benefit--however small--from your mothering legacy.
The impact of one mother is huge! Immeasurable.
Those that have careers? Successful websites or businesses? Large ministries? Published books? That's all well and good and more power to them.
Most of you, if you had those ambitions, could do the same. But it would mean less time to concentrate on mothering, even if you did them from home. Some of the time you'd be absent in mind, even if present in body.
If you've chosen mothering, and just mothering, don't feel insignificant. Your impact is huge and doesn't end when you die--especially if you're training your children in the ways of the Lord.
As I thought of this today, my anger melted. I didn't fight another negative thought all day.
I believe the Lord helped me. I confessed and prayed while I nursed Beth at naptime, and after that, things changed.
I changed.
Choosing just motherhood is noble. If you can't do it with joy and love, ask Him for help. Anytime. Any day. He is faithful to put feelings in us--feelings of joy, hope, love, significance.
He never expected us to do this well.....alone. We forget that so often, don't we?.
We are supposed to ask for help!
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.
“Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"
Matthew 7:7-11
Except for the intense anger I fought all morning.
I looked at the dining room floor, full of tiny leaf remnants. The carpet throughout the house? The same.
Some can't stand a sink full of dishes, or a disheveled bathroom, or unfolded laundry. For me, dirty floors and carpets are the trigger.
Ignoring it wasn't possible; it was just too littered. Finding uninterrupted time to sweep and vacuum large areas is a challenge with a toddler in my midst.
Here's my busy toddler, stealing the cheese Momma is grating for Shepperd's Pie.
Too, I was behind on laundry. It was everywhere! The folding is a problem for me, but the washing and drying and hanging I usually keep up with. Just not the last few days. We dedicated time outside to rake and bag leaves, partially so they'd quit showing up on my floors. But no deal. They're still here.
Along with the laundry.
Buy why my intense anger? I rarely feel like the house actually looks good. Only when company is due does the place shine--and that at great cost to the family. Otherwise, there's always a problem area, or two, or three.
Insignificant. That's how I felt, looking at the room full of leaves, which I'd just vacuumed yesterday. I just clean and reclean. Is there any true value in that? Some days are so discouraging, it's hard not to feel like Cinderella.
Some women are significant because of a career, a business, a published book, a ministry, a family name, a website, etc.
Me? I'm insignificant. My corner of the world is very small.
Or so it feels, some mornings.
I could end this here, because I know that adding Scripture about humbling oneself and serving others doesn't change the daily reality for mothers with toddlers and babies and other littles. Always feeling behind and always having a huge list to complete, is just plain hard. Thankless. Maddening. Monotonous.
Feeling behind is a season of mothering. When there are babies and littles among us, we do less and cuddle more. There's no formula or answer. Things are just messy. It doesn't mean we've failed or that we're slobs--no matter what outsiders may think.
But that feeling of insignificance I spoke of? That we must fight!
As mothers, how many lives do we impact? Don't think just the number of your children, as you answer this. Think of your children's friends, their future spouses, their in-laws, your grandchildren and great grandchildren and their whole families, and anyone else who will ever reap a benefit--however small--from your mothering legacy.
The impact of one mother is huge! Immeasurable.
Those that have careers? Successful websites or businesses? Large ministries? Published books? That's all well and good and more power to them.
Most of you, if you had those ambitions, could do the same. But it would mean less time to concentrate on mothering, even if you did them from home. Some of the time you'd be absent in mind, even if present in body.
If you've chosen mothering, and just mothering, don't feel insignificant. Your impact is huge and doesn't end when you die--especially if you're training your children in the ways of the Lord.
As I thought of this today, my anger melted. I didn't fight another negative thought all day.
I believe the Lord helped me. I confessed and prayed while I nursed Beth at naptime, and after that, things changed.
I changed.
Choosing just motherhood is noble. If you can't do it with joy and love, ask Him for help. Anytime. Any day. He is faithful to put feelings in us--feelings of joy, hope, love, significance.
He never expected us to do this well.....alone. We forget that so often, don't we?.
We are supposed to ask for help!
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.
“Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"
Matthew 7:7-11
Friday, November 12, 2010
fingers and leaves, oh my
Sometimes I have organized thoughts. Sometimes not.
Sometimes I start out with disorganized thoughts, but as I keep typing, God arranges them just so.
Not tonight, I'm thinking. Nothing coherent coming out of this frazzled-nerved lady.
We had a nice day up until Peter sliced his finger open with the lid of a mandarin orange can.
You see, they wanted me to make ambrosia salad (canned fruit, sour cream, marshmallows, coconut). Peter wanted to help. I opened a can of mandarin oranges and asked him to please throw it away so that Beth wouldn't find it and cut her finger on it. As he pushed down the lid, his finger caught slightly. He panicked and forcibly pulled his finger loose, slicing it open.
The blood was substantial. The panic was substantial. The pancakes burned. The girls, hearing Peter carry on so, started crying. Momma, weak kneed, applied pressure to the skin flap wound, stopped the bleeding, doused it liberally with iodine, and called Daddy to come home. Then, while Peter held on a dressing and applied more pressure, I finished cooking dinner.
Peter calmed down nicely as we dined together (was it the pancakes and turkey bacon?), but kept questioning me about the stitches. Remembering going through hell during Mary's stitches procedure two years earlier, I said as little as possible, while my nerves continued to frazzle
Daddy came home, reluctantly, since he'd only slept a few hours the night before. He knew this would delay his bedtime by a few hours (he would have to start his last job later than usual).
But. There were pancakes and bacon and thawed mixed berries waiting for him. So he got over his disappointment.
Conclusion?
Homemade pancakes. Bacon. The answer to so many of life's little dramas. (They would prefer the real thing, as far as the bacon goes, but Momma only buys lower-salt turkey bacon).
Turns out, at the children's ER, they only cleaned and dressed it. Since it was a skin-flap wound on the finger, which has so many lines anyway, they don't worry about scarring. Once the wound is professionally cleaned, they can just dress it and let the finger close on its own.
Peter survived the minor procedure quite well. Having the wound flap pulled back for thorough cleaning hurt, but he didn't panic or cry. Later, as I helped him with his pajamas, he smiled and said, "Thank you for taking care of me."
We did have a nice day, as I said, up until the wound. The children and I raked and bagged 24 garbage bags of leaves (over two days). Working hard together has been a blessing! So much so, that I want to think up other work projects we can do together.
When we were almost done with the leaves, Peter said, "The best thing about raking leaves together is spending fun time with your Mom."
Oh, my heart! It m. e. l. t. e. d.
This post by Amy from Raising Arrows, about teaching boys the value of hard work, was on my mind while we plugged away at the leaves. She shared some great thoughts.
Miscellaneous pictures
Paul received this puzzle for his birthday from Auntie Lorrie. It was a challenge, since the picture completely changes as your head moves. It wasn't called three-dimensional--the name of this type escapes me. Anyhow, Paul loved the challenge.
I love that Peter is so responsible in his care of Harry. It makes me smile and gives me reason to lavish him with praise, which is always a good thing. During Sunday School last week, Peter prayed that Harry would live the maximum three years. Sweet.
Pics from the leaf pile.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
be of good cheer, I have overcome the world
Good afternoon, Blog World. How is your day going?
Mine? No so good.
But there is this one blessing that keeps on blessing, even on the worst of days. It's my nursing relationship with my soon-to-be two year old. Lying down with her, cradling her body while she nurses, makes me the happiest woman on earth. Truly. My body completely relaxes, no matter the intensity of the morning's stress.
I think of my precious baby, and her precious siblings, and about the joy that comes from being a Mommy.
That floor that lately needs a sweeping and mopping daily? Suddenly, I forget why it mattered so much.
That creditor calling three times a day because they don't wait for you to get a higher-paying job? Suddenly, I know it will work out.
The hyperactive, over-stimulated child who grates on my nerves--everyone's nerves? Suddenly, I see only his heart.
Perspective comes, and with it, joy.
It makes me wonder about all the other natural ways God relieves our stress. Have we forsaken many of them, in our modern world, and not even realized it? Is that why drug prescriptions for stress-related conditions are on the rise?
In this world we will know tribulation (John 16:33). But God, in his love and grace, has given us little pockets of blessings--like mother/child nursing, sunsets, sunrises, cardinals by the window, sun glistening off snow blanket, a hug, a dancing butterfly, a rainbow....
All these things? They help bounce our gaze--off ourselves, and onto Him. With our eyes resting on Him, we overcome.
"In this world you will have tribulation, but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world." John 16:33
Mine? No so good.
But there is this one blessing that keeps on blessing, even on the worst of days. It's my nursing relationship with my soon-to-be two year old. Lying down with her, cradling her body while she nurses, makes me the happiest woman on earth. Truly. My body completely relaxes, no matter the intensity of the morning's stress.
I think of my precious baby, and her precious siblings, and about the joy that comes from being a Mommy.
That floor that lately needs a sweeping and mopping daily? Suddenly, I forget why it mattered so much.
That creditor calling three times a day because they don't wait for you to get a higher-paying job? Suddenly, I know it will work out.
The hyperactive, over-stimulated child who grates on my nerves--everyone's nerves? Suddenly, I see only his heart.
Perspective comes, and with it, joy.
It makes me wonder about all the other natural ways God relieves our stress. Have we forsaken many of them, in our modern world, and not even realized it? Is that why drug prescriptions for stress-related conditions are on the rise?
In this world we will know tribulation (John 16:33). But God, in his love and grace, has given us little pockets of blessings--like mother/child nursing, sunsets, sunrises, cardinals by the window, sun glistening off snow blanket, a hug, a dancing butterfly, a rainbow....
All these things? They help bounce our gaze--off ourselves, and onto Him. With our eyes resting on Him, we overcome.
"In this world you will have tribulation, but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world." John 16:33
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Worried About Your Child's Future? Part 2
In Part I of this series, I stated that separating my part in preparing my boys for their futures, from God's part, helps alleviate my fears. In doing this, I'm concentrating on what I can control, verses what I can't. Biblically speaking, my part is to teach my children about the precepts of the Lord. (Deuteronomy 6:7, Proverbs 22:6), and keep my children from folly, without frustrating or angering them. (Proverbs 22:15, Ephesians 6:4)
There are two facets to God's part, in my mind. First, there is his will for my sons' lives, and secondly, there are his promises.
My first and most important parenting lesson came on a gray November day in the year 2000. I was thirty-four years old and 21 weeks pregnant with my first child. During a routine ultrasound that day, I was told that my son had died.
The lesson, on which I had a refresher course in 2005, was this: Our children do not belong to us. They are His. Those we have the privilege of rearing are no more ours than the precious ones we bury early. Their heavenly Father can call them home at any moment. Any moment.
"See now that I, I am He, and there is no god besides Me; it is I who puts to death and gives life. I have wounded, and it is I who heals; and there is no one who can deliver from My hand." Duet. 32:39
The Lord kills and makes alive; He brings down to Sheol and raises up. The Lord makes poor and rich; He brings low and He also exalts. 1 Sam 2:6, 7
In the above verses we are confronted with God's Sovereignty. And in these:
Prov. 16:4 The mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.
Prov. 19:21 Many are the plans of a man's heart, but the counsel of the Lord will be established.
He pre-wrote my sons' stories, just as he did mine. (Jeremiah 1:9) While I can't predict the turns their lives will take, I do know they will suffer, as their father and I have done, and all the ancestors that lived before us.
"In this world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world." John 16:33
"For to you it has been granted on behalf of Christ, not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for His sake." Philippians 1:29
I was a baby Christian that November day in 2000, only knowing the Lord three years, and knowing marital bliss just sixteen months. In those dark grief days, it seemed that I had nothing to live for. My wedding pictures, once a source of joy, seemed to mock me from the mantle. Would we have been smiling so wide, I wondered, if we'd known of the sorrow to come?
I wrestled with God's sovereignty for the next five months, until conceiving Peter. With hope growing inside me, I delved into Scripture to learn more about God's purpose and will for mankind.
What did I learn and find comfort in?
That he created us in love, to share his love with us (to fellowship with us), and to bring glory to Himself.
"Even every one that is called by my name: for I have created him for my glory, I have formed him, yea, I have made him." Isaiah 43:7
"For I know the thoughts I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end."
"So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it will accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it." Isaiah 55:11
But no, we are not puppets. God allows us free will, and our will intersects with God's sovereignty on the cross. This is how I know that God created us in love, to share his love:
The cross proves it.
God uses our choices for good. "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28
God has a plan for us, and also a purpose. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath ordained that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10
From Scripture we know:
- that God is sovereign
- that He created us to share his love with us and to bring glory to Himself
- that we were created to do good
- that He has plans to prosper us.
When I find myself worrying about my boys' future, I remember all that Scripture teaches me. Three T's help summarize it for me:
I have to Teach my children about the precepts of the Lord.
I must Treasure my children, for I know not, how long they'll be with me.
I can Trust the Lord's sovereignity, for he created my sons to share his love with them, and he has plans to prosper them and have them do good.
Teach, Treasure, Trust
In the next and final part of this series, I want to discuss the blessings that come from disability and weakness, and explain why we must not look upon them as curses.
"So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it will accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it." Isaiah 55:11
But no, we are not puppets. God allows us free will, and our will intersects with God's sovereignty on the cross. This is how I know that God created us in love, to share his love:
The cross proves it.
God uses our choices for good. "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28
God has a plan for us, and also a purpose. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath ordained that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10
From Scripture we know:
- that God is sovereign
- that He created us to share his love with us and to bring glory to Himself
- that we were created to do good
- that He has plans to prosper us.
When I find myself worrying about my boys' future, I remember all that Scripture teaches me. Three T's help summarize it for me:
I have to Teach my children about the precepts of the Lord.
I must Treasure my children, for I know not, how long they'll be with me.
I can Trust the Lord's sovereignity, for he created my sons to share his love with them, and he has plans to prosper them and have them do good.
Teach, Treasure, Trust
In the next and final part of this series, I want to discuss the blessings that come from disability and weakness, and explain why we must not look upon them as curses.
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