Except for the intense anger I fought all morning.
I looked at the dining room floor, full of tiny leaf remnants. The carpet throughout the house? The same.
Some can't stand a sink full of dishes, or a disheveled bathroom, or unfolded laundry. For me, dirty floors and carpets are the trigger.
Ignoring it wasn't possible; it was just too littered. Finding uninterrupted time to sweep and vacuum large areas is a challenge with a toddler in my midst.
Here's my busy toddler, stealing the cheese Momma is grating for Shepperd's Pie.
Too, I was behind on laundry. It was everywhere! The folding is a problem for me, but the washing and drying and hanging I usually keep up with. Just not the last few days. We dedicated time outside to rake and bag leaves, partially so they'd quit showing up on my floors. But no deal. They're still here.
Along with the laundry.
Buy why my intense anger? I rarely feel like the house actually looks good. Only when company is due does the place shine--and that at great cost to the family. Otherwise, there's always a problem area, or two, or three.
Insignificant. That's how I felt, looking at the room full of leaves, which I'd just vacuumed yesterday. I just clean and reclean. Is there any true value in that? Some days are so discouraging, it's hard not to feel like Cinderella.
Some women are significant because of a career, a business, a published book, a ministry, a family name, a website, etc.
Me? I'm insignificant. My corner of the world is very small.
Or so it feels, some mornings.
I could end this here, because I know that adding Scripture about humbling oneself and serving others doesn't change the daily reality for mothers with toddlers and babies and other littles. Always feeling behind and always having a huge list to complete, is just plain hard. Thankless. Maddening. Monotonous.
Feeling behind is a season of mothering. When there are babies and littles among us, we do less and cuddle more. There's no formula or answer. Things are just messy. It doesn't mean we've failed or that we're slobs--no matter what outsiders may think.
But that feeling of insignificance I spoke of? That we must fight!
As mothers, how many lives do we impact? Don't think just the number of your children, as you answer this. Think of your children's friends, their future spouses, their in-laws, your grandchildren and great grandchildren and their whole families, and anyone else who will ever reap a benefit--however small--from your mothering legacy.
The impact of one mother is huge! Immeasurable.
Those that have careers? Successful websites or businesses? Large ministries? Published books? That's all well and good and more power to them.
Most of you, if you had those ambitions, could do the same. But it would mean less time to concentrate on mothering, even if you did them from home. Some of the time you'd be absent in mind, even if present in body.
If you've chosen mothering, and just mothering, don't feel insignificant. Your impact is huge and doesn't end when you die--especially if you're training your children in the ways of the Lord.
As I thought of this today, my anger melted. I didn't fight another negative thought all day.
I believe the Lord helped me. I confessed and prayed while I nursed Beth at naptime, and after that, things changed.
Choosing just motherhood is noble. If you can't do it with joy and love, ask Him for help. Anytime. Any day. He is faithful to put feelings in us--feelings of joy, hope, love, significance.
He never expected us to do this well.....alone. We forget that so often, don't we?.
We are supposed to ask for help!
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.
“Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"