I like to write more than one or twice a week but my toddler is still having mysterious sleep issues. She will be two years old in several days and her sleep cycles should certainly be lengthening. Statistically speaking, most toddlers her age don't actually sleep through the night on a regular basis. But in her case the wake-ups go beyond one or two--at least lately. She has been waking three or four times before midnight, despite a very reasonable bedtime and a reasonable-length nap. After midnight has been the same--three or four wake-ups. I'm feeling like a frustrated zombie. Cold symptoms are about gone, so I don't think that's the issue. I hope nothing is wrong with her! At her physical next week I'll ask questions.
Meantime, there's only time for random lists, not thoughtful posts:
- We pulled the kids from AWANA earlier this week. My stomach is sick about it, as is Peter's. Our other two children who attended, Paul and Mary, haven't said a word about it. I know they will all miss riding in the children's director's car. She has been giving them a ride for several weeks now and is probably upset at our decision, since she is very close to the kids (although she will still see them twice a week for play practice, through Dec. 19th.) I invited her to dinner next week and will try to have her for lunch a couple times per month, to help maintain her relationship with the kids and vice versa.
- Nothing was smooth with AWANA from day one this term--beyond just the poor behavior displayed by the boys in Truth N Training. I so wish we had gone with our first instinct, which was that now didn't seem like a good time. Quitting something feels awful, makes us look awful, and doesn't teach follow through. Being a parent is so hard! We are cautious and conservative parents endeavoring to protect our children's hearts from the world, while they're still developing their Christian worldviews. Cautious and conservative are not very popular. In fact, they're controversial. And they can feel lonely.
- My last thought is this: I'm sad that in this age, one can't count on kids to behave even in a church program. My husband did a one year stint as a Children's Director of a 200-person church and he ran into similar problems. What has happened that in our society, many kids older than 8 or 9 lose sweetness, innocence and respect for their elders? I don't mean in their homes so much, as friction is expected there at times. But kids generally behave better outside the home....or is that no longer true? Is it that our nation is raising angry bullies who direct mob behavior using the fear factor? Are kids afraid to behave, for fear of being bullied and not fitting in? Bullying has become a chronic problem in our nation's schools; I dealt with it even in my first grade classroom. It seems to be a symptom of a societal ill.
- Peter was poked in the ribs by the bully at Truth N Training. That is how it often starts--with some kind of minor annoyance, which, if left unchallenged, graduates into more serious, psyche-damaging interactions. The bully does these small tests to see who will be an easy target. Peter said nothing and just backed away. At eight years old he was among the youngest of the Truth N Training crowd, and he stayed fairly quiet, not getting involved in endless discussions about video games. He was an outsider, wanting to fit in, but not at all costs.
- Even in his sadness, Peter seems to understand that our reasons were important and valid. Although he was uncomfortable at times at AWANA, he enjoyed the PE games, the ride with Erica (the children's director), and the special days (Missions Day, penny parade, Christmas in October for Operation Christmas Child, occasional AWANA store to cash in AWANA incentive dollars). As I cuddled with him at tuck in the other night, he said to me, through his tears, "God is going to bless this in the end somehow, isn't he?" I said that I definitely thought so, and that every time we felt sad about it, we could pray for a second car, which we'd need to get involved in a different midweek program. I will suggest to him also that we should both pray for the troubled boys.
And there's time for random gratitude lists:
- gingerbread man baking is eagerly anticipated around here
- Ann Voskamp's Jesse Tree book, with ornaments and Scriptures for advent
- money to replace very bald front tires just in time for snowy roads
- online friends--thank you, again, for your friendship!
- a snowy yard means no leaves and mud in my house, at least for a time--snow is clean!
- my husband's warm embrace
- a quiet house to type in right now--even Harry the Hamster is somehow quiet
- a glorious God who reveals himself to my children, to me, throughout our days
- Seven-year-old Paul telling Peter that Christians aren't any better than non-Christians--giving me the opportunity to teach that we are chosen not because of any merit, but because of God's grace. Having been saved at thirty-one years old, rather than as a child, I can tell you that most non-Christians are merely blind, not hard-hearted. I was a seeker, but still blind. With the help of a teacher friend, one day I woke up and knew truth and sought more truth. Then along came inner peace and true joy--growing more abundant all these thirteen years. I am blessed knowing that my children don't have to wait until age thirty-one to know God! Our family line is in the process of being blessed beyond measure--forever. I hold that so dear! So undeserved. So beautiful.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Saturday, November 27, 2010
good things
My gratitude list:
- Baby had two helpings of turkey soup, Peter had three. "This turkey soup is so good! Can I have another bowl?" Having two people in this house who really like food--hubby and Peter--is rather nice, I've decided. I don't have control over very much in this life, but I can work hard in the kitchen and really make some people happy.
- Mary, sweet Mary, has a sweet tooth, like her Momma. We made fudge today, finally, for the first time. Very easy. No glitches. She loved it and it warmed my heart. That's probably silly (especially since it's mostly sugar! Yikes!), but it really did give me the warm fuzzies to see my pretty girl enjoying her treat.
- Miss Beth was an into-everything terror while I made the soup. My top was so about to blow. But then I remembered it's a blessing to have a baby whose limbs can climb readily and whose arms can reach and whose legs can run. She is not disabled. Hallelujah. If I were a drinker I would time a drink every night right around the dinner prep hour. Lord knows I need some help with my nerves! Fudge, instead? Yeah. That worked.
- The weather turned and we now read together under a blanket. It just doesn't get any better than that--to cuddle with your little ones under a blanket on a cold night, enjoying a story.
- The children decorated the Christmas tree on Thanksgiving day. It didn't get pulled down today by You Know Who, which is more than I can say about yesterday.
- The church Christmas Pageant practices are going well. This is such a huge undertaking, and our children's director does it joyfully, despite the extra practices taking away from her family time and leisure time. My children consider it one of their holiday highlights.
- Penpals for kids. Don't underestimate the joy a letter brings to a child. To carry a letter to my son, and see his entire countenance change from serious to seriously thrilled, is so uplifting to me as a Momma. Is it because his love language is affirming words that he likes them so much, I wonder? Paul is happy enough to get one, but not thrilled. He's my cuddle bug.
- Pilgrim and Mayflower stories. I love that they teach the rewards of having faith, courage, and long-suffering tendencies.
- Behind me are about five loads of laundry needing folding. I'm mindful of the blessing it is to have plentiful, clean pajamas (or rather sweats), undergarments and linens
- Harry the Hamster is still alive, seems happy, and still livens up my evening blog and chore time by running furiously, continuously, on his wheel. I don't ever get anywhere either, Harry. Can you see my progress on the baskets of clean clothes?
And on that laundry note, I'd better be getting out of this chair.
Goodnight, friends!
- Baby had two helpings of turkey soup, Peter had three. "This turkey soup is so good! Can I have another bowl?" Having two people in this house who really like food--hubby and Peter--is rather nice, I've decided. I don't have control over very much in this life, but I can work hard in the kitchen and really make some people happy.
- Mary, sweet Mary, has a sweet tooth, like her Momma. We made fudge today, finally, for the first time. Very easy. No glitches. She loved it and it warmed my heart. That's probably silly (especially since it's mostly sugar! Yikes!), but it really did give me the warm fuzzies to see my pretty girl enjoying her treat.
- Miss Beth was an into-everything terror while I made the soup. My top was so about to blow. But then I remembered it's a blessing to have a baby whose limbs can climb readily and whose arms can reach and whose legs can run. She is not disabled. Hallelujah. If I were a drinker I would time a drink every night right around the dinner prep hour. Lord knows I need some help with my nerves! Fudge, instead? Yeah. That worked.
- The weather turned and we now read together under a blanket. It just doesn't get any better than that--to cuddle with your little ones under a blanket on a cold night, enjoying a story.
- The children decorated the Christmas tree on Thanksgiving day. It didn't get pulled down today by You Know Who, which is more than I can say about yesterday.
- The church Christmas Pageant practices are going well. This is such a huge undertaking, and our children's director does it joyfully, despite the extra practices taking away from her family time and leisure time. My children consider it one of their holiday highlights.
- Penpals for kids. Don't underestimate the joy a letter brings to a child. To carry a letter to my son, and see his entire countenance change from serious to seriously thrilled, is so uplifting to me as a Momma. Is it because his love language is affirming words that he likes them so much, I wonder? Paul is happy enough to get one, but not thrilled. He's my cuddle bug.
- Pilgrim and Mayflower stories. I love that they teach the rewards of having faith, courage, and long-suffering tendencies.
- Behind me are about five loads of laundry needing folding. I'm mindful of the blessing it is to have plentiful, clean pajamas (or rather sweats), undergarments and linens
- Harry the Hamster is still alive, seems happy, and still livens up my evening blog and chore time by running furiously, continuously, on his wheel. I don't ever get anywhere either, Harry. Can you see my progress on the baskets of clean clothes?
And on that laundry note, I'd better be getting out of this chair.
Goodnight, friends!
Friday, November 26, 2010
Thanksgiving blessings and thoughts
A couple days ago I read a post that reminded me of how differently we live. This last Wednesday Pioneer Woman went to the "big city" with her husband and their four kids. She did the Thanksgiving grocery shopping while the rest of the family went to a theater for a movie, popcorn and Twizzlers.
Nothing unusual about that. Millions of Americans do it monthly, at least.
My kids have never experienced that. From the looks of it, until they have jobs of their own, they may never know the inside of a movie theater.
No big loss, but it did remind me that much of America knows leisure time. Our outside-the-home leisure activities include visiting one of the several libraries in our area, or one of the several parks, or less often, a museum. Even then, our time is rushed due to Daddy needing the van for work.
I don't read many blogs anymore. Miss Beth's activity level, at twenty-three months old, makes it difficult to take little breaks. The few I read seldom give such life details, so I don't often think about how differently we live.
I stand in awe of God's grace.
He has taken so much from us. Even leisure time. And yet I have joy. I am fulfilled. Stressed, yes, but much of that is not financial. A special-needs eight-year-old child and a toddler with her hands into everything make stress my constant companion. My other three passed through the hands-into-everything stage, so I have perspective. This too shall pass.
If someone told me that, sometime after quitting my teaching career, I would....
... pay every utility bill a month late
...barely scrape up enough money for my house payment
...never take my kids to a decent restaurant, or to a movie theater
...never buy my kids or myself a new outfit
...not have a vehicle of my own
...always worry about how much gas I was using,.....
.....I would still be teaching. The fear would've been insurmountable. Such a lifestyle would never, never work for me, my head and heart would have screamed.
We look forward to library visits and park visits. All of us. There are so many around, and so much to do at each one, that we're always satisfied.
But how will my kids turn out, with so little knowledge of the world?
They'll be rich. Materialism will not have consumed them, distracted them, betrayed them. They'll know God's sufficiency, His power, His truths, His grace.
I stand in awe of God's grace.
My gratitude list:
- delicious sausage herb stuffing, pineapple/marshmallow sweet potatoes, garlic mashed potatoes, corn, steamed green beans, cranberry sauce, wheat rolls, gravy, and turkey (never mind that the nutrition data blog says that this meal is probably equal to 3000 to 4000 calories)
- My toddler, though impatient and stressed while Mommy cooked hour upon hour, did not prevent the meal from happening or being delicious (we had no guests to help entertain her).
- I managed to do two loads of laundry while I cooked, to keep the pile from being gargantuan the day after Thanksgiving.
- The library was open today and the boys actually found a Curious George video. They missed that cute little guy after we shut off the cable. So did I. Love that monkey! Too bad my toddler is not amused by library videos. None of mine paid any attention to television until after age two. Makes meal prep a stressful venture, let me tell you! Even so, Miss Beth hasn't received any burns from my busy stove. Praise the Lord! Now mind you, I've burned plenty of meals because of her. Can't wait until the day husband is home during dinner prep.
- this healthier, homemade hot chocolate mixture
- My aunt, who is leaving our area to spend the winter in Florida, came by tonight to give the kids a Christmas gift--20$ gift card to the neighborhood Pizza Hut restaurant. They are giddy with excitement!
- homeschooling around the holidays, and no cable TV (both prevent the gimmes)
- no money for Christmas, which means we'll experience the Christ in Christmas
- One of the libraries groups all the children's Christmas stories together. We can feast on them readily all month, without Momma having to search.
- With each passing day, I love Little Men more and more. Last night, after the boys went to bed, I did a search on Louisa May Alcott's life. Very interesting. I love that we're reading so many classics with good moral character as the central focus. Priceless. Kids remember lessons learned through story.
- My husband--loyal, faithful, hardworking, sacrificial. He missed college football so much on Thanksgiving day! I was sad for him. Good food softened the blow considerably. :) He ate so much he had to lie on the floor after the meal. Miss Beth thought that was great fun and crawled all over him.
Hope your day was special! Bless you, friends!
Just wanted to add that I need to write honestly on this blog. It helps me spiritually, intellectually, to write about things as they are. Never worry about us or think that you should offer to send something. I always appreciate your love and caring attitude, but God takes care of us. I'm not being stubborn or prideful when I say this. Really.
Love you, friends!
Nothing unusual about that. Millions of Americans do it monthly, at least.
My kids have never experienced that. From the looks of it, until they have jobs of their own, they may never know the inside of a movie theater.
No big loss, but it did remind me that much of America knows leisure time. Our outside-the-home leisure activities include visiting one of the several libraries in our area, or one of the several parks, or less often, a museum. Even then, our time is rushed due to Daddy needing the van for work.
I don't read many blogs anymore. Miss Beth's activity level, at twenty-three months old, makes it difficult to take little breaks. The few I read seldom give such life details, so I don't often think about how differently we live.
I stand in awe of God's grace.
He has taken so much from us. Even leisure time. And yet I have joy. I am fulfilled. Stressed, yes, but much of that is not financial. A special-needs eight-year-old child and a toddler with her hands into everything make stress my constant companion. My other three passed through the hands-into-everything stage, so I have perspective. This too shall pass.
If someone told me that, sometime after quitting my teaching career, I would....
... pay every utility bill a month late
...barely scrape up enough money for my house payment
...never take my kids to a decent restaurant, or to a movie theater
...never buy my kids or myself a new outfit
...not have a vehicle of my own
...always worry about how much gas I was using,.....
.....I would still be teaching. The fear would've been insurmountable. Such a lifestyle would never, never work for me, my head and heart would have screamed.
We look forward to library visits and park visits. All of us. There are so many around, and so much to do at each one, that we're always satisfied.
But how will my kids turn out, with so little knowledge of the world?
They'll be rich. Materialism will not have consumed them, distracted them, betrayed them. They'll know God's sufficiency, His power, His truths, His grace.
I stand in awe of God's grace.
My gratitude list:
- delicious sausage herb stuffing, pineapple/marshmallow sweet potatoes, garlic mashed potatoes, corn, steamed green beans, cranberry sauce, wheat rolls, gravy, and turkey (never mind that the nutrition data blog says that this meal is probably equal to 3000 to 4000 calories)
- My toddler, though impatient and stressed while Mommy cooked hour upon hour, did not prevent the meal from happening or being delicious (we had no guests to help entertain her).
- I managed to do two loads of laundry while I cooked, to keep the pile from being gargantuan the day after Thanksgiving.
- The library was open today and the boys actually found a Curious George video. They missed that cute little guy after we shut off the cable. So did I. Love that monkey! Too bad my toddler is not amused by library videos. None of mine paid any attention to television until after age two. Makes meal prep a stressful venture, let me tell you! Even so, Miss Beth hasn't received any burns from my busy stove. Praise the Lord! Now mind you, I've burned plenty of meals because of her. Can't wait until the day husband is home during dinner prep.
- this healthier, homemade hot chocolate mixture
- My aunt, who is leaving our area to spend the winter in Florida, came by tonight to give the kids a Christmas gift--20$ gift card to the neighborhood Pizza Hut restaurant. They are giddy with excitement!
- homeschooling around the holidays, and no cable TV (both prevent the gimmes)
- no money for Christmas, which means we'll experience the Christ in Christmas
- One of the libraries groups all the children's Christmas stories together. We can feast on them readily all month, without Momma having to search.
- With each passing day, I love Little Men more and more. Last night, after the boys went to bed, I did a search on Louisa May Alcott's life. Very interesting. I love that we're reading so many classics with good moral character as the central focus. Priceless. Kids remember lessons learned through story.
- My husband--loyal, faithful, hardworking, sacrificial. He missed college football so much on Thanksgiving day! I was sad for him. Good food softened the blow considerably. :) He ate so much he had to lie on the floor after the meal. Miss Beth thought that was great fun and crawled all over him.
Hope your day was special! Bless you, friends!
Just wanted to add that I need to write honestly on this blog. It helps me spiritually, intellectually, to write about things as they are. Never worry about us or think that you should offer to send something. I always appreciate your love and caring attitude, but God takes care of us. I'm not being stubborn or prideful when I say this. Really.
Love you, friends!
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
some perspective, some thanksgiving
Did you ever notice that no matter what you're going through, you can always think of someone who is going through something worse? I've been following this blog for about two years now. The blog author, Shannon, has two children, both afflicted with a rare and fatal disorder called Sanfilippo Syndrome. She is watching her children slowly decline. If no cure is discovered, they will die.
No matter how bad things look within my little world, I always think of Shannon. Instead of rejoicing as her children grow, she fights tears at each lost skill. Talk about an upside down world!
Her blog is raw and honest. She doesn't try to paint a rosy picture; she grieves through her words. I admit that it's hard to read; sometimes I know what to say to her, and sometimes not.
Peter displayed some Obsessive Compulsive symptoms (OCD) when I experienced morning sickness during Beth's pregnancy. When the second trimester began and things settled down, his symptoms went away.
Since late September of this year, we've seen more pronounced OCD symptoms. Lately new things crop up frequently. For example, he suddenly began reading a lot less, following a period of eagerly devouring books. He also started reading aloud again, after already passing through that developmental stage. He tells me he has to read aloud because it keeps him from skipping words. He also rereads many phrases and entire sentences, for fear that he's skipped something. Even though I've assured him he never skips words, he still repeats lines, making reading quite frustrating. His brain, he tells me, makes him repeat lines so that Jesus won't be mad at him (distorted religious views are common with this disorder).
He can't be outside for more than two to five minutes before coming in to tell me that a stranger said something to him (but a stranger never does). The obsession is a stranger talking to him, and the ritual is to come and tell me. I am to say that no one spoke to him. If I don't respond as needed, he gets stressed. OCD kids go through these checking rituals, needing certain verbal assurances in order to go on with their day. For example, a child might say, "I think I touched raw egg. Am I going to be okay?" And the parent must say, "Yes, you're okay." The same sequence occurs over and over, driving the parent and child insane.
He also frequently says sorry to Jesus with his head bowed, because he either had a disturbing thought about hurting someone, or because he felt he did something wrong. OCD people don't act on their disturbing thoughts, but nevertheless, the thoughts cause great stress, which is not relieved until they've done their ritual.
Peter no longer falls asleep easily and must ask me about several things, including if a fire will happen, a tornado, or other disaster. He comes out of his room at least five times each night, asking me if such and such thing is going to happen, and I must assure him that, no, nothing bad is going to happen.
At times lately, I feel on the brink of despair. To see my son suffering like this is so painful! And, he takes up a lot of my time, leaving the other kids too little of my emotional energy. They are distancing themselves from his bizarre behavior; this has happened subtly over time, despite my giving them simple lessons on what OCD is.
Peter knows all these things are irrational, but he can't stop. We huddle and pray often now, asking God to help him fight these thoughts, and avoid doing the ritual. To the Lord's credit, my sweet boy is not bitter, except for some jealousy of his younger brother, whom he perceives has an easy life, compared to his.
If unchecked or untreated, the rituals associated with OCD impair functioning, making it difficult to live a normal life--they take up too much of the sufferer's time, for one thing. Cognitive Behavior Therapy--training them to challenge their thoughts and face their fears--in conjunction with medication, is the usual treatment. Although OCD often shows up at seven years old, kids this age are not generally given psychiatric drugs, unless they are severely impaired. We aren't going to seek OCD medication at this time, but Peter will see a neurologist to take a history and give recommendations for treatment (for the ADHD and OCD).
My husband's nephew has OCD and bipolar disorder, and my family has a history of anxiety disorders, so poor Peter, and my other children, have unfortunate genes on both sides. I won't know if my girls are completely normal until they reach at least age eight (or adolescence, for bipolar). Paul worries me in some respects, but it appears he will be less impaired than Peter.
My half brother has ADHD, and his daughter has bipolar and an anxiety disorder. ADHD, OCD, Tourette's Syndrome and Bipolar Disorder often occur together. They affect the brain similarly. If a parent has ADHD, for example, his child may inherit one of the others, or both.
When Peter's reading symptoms cropped up, I was so mad at God. How could He allow that pleasure to be tainted by this ugly disorder? As well as Peter's time outside, and his beloved baking and cooking?
But it wasn't long before I thought of Shannon, watching her children slowly die of Sanfilippo.
Do I really have any problems at all, compared to hers? I think not.
I trust God. I trust the outcome. But the journey is hard, despite His grace.
The challenge is to keep my eyes heavenward, every moment of the day. I do that, lately, by doing the prayer huddles with the children. At the very least, they help me ( and Peter and the kids) get through the next hour, at which time we huddle again, if necessary. They are troopers and don't look upon the praying as a chore.
My gratitude list:
- My husband is off on Thursday and Friday. He works seven days a week, normally. Time off isn't paid, but it will still be a blessing to all of us.
- Smiles and hugs, given to each other as gifts
- Peter's wound is finally looking better. For the first week, I wasn't getting the bandaging tight enough to hold the skin flap flat.
- Online friends. All of you. Thank you.
- Having online contact with other parents who have special-needs children. All the flesh and blood people near us have normal children; they don't understand, nor do I expect them to. Being understood feels priceless.
- 2 Corinthians 1:4 Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.
- The ability to comfort others. Without grief, without hardship, we never learn this. To be able to comfort is priceless!
- my sweet baby, sleeping better tonight (mild sinus infection following a cold)
- writing--it helps me process, and it allows God to speak to me
- Louisa May Alcott's Little Men, which has turned out to be quite a treasure. No surprise there.
- The book of Proverbs--easy for young children to follow.
- a warm house (Weather is turning. Snow expected on Friday.)
- warm clothes
- Thanksgiving, for the togetherness it allows, for the attitude it teaches
Happy Thanksgiving, friends!
No matter how bad things look within my little world, I always think of Shannon. Instead of rejoicing as her children grow, she fights tears at each lost skill. Talk about an upside down world!
Her blog is raw and honest. She doesn't try to paint a rosy picture; she grieves through her words. I admit that it's hard to read; sometimes I know what to say to her, and sometimes not.
Peter displayed some Obsessive Compulsive symptoms (OCD) when I experienced morning sickness during Beth's pregnancy. When the second trimester began and things settled down, his symptoms went away.
Since late September of this year, we've seen more pronounced OCD symptoms. Lately new things crop up frequently. For example, he suddenly began reading a lot less, following a period of eagerly devouring books. He also started reading aloud again, after already passing through that developmental stage. He tells me he has to read aloud because it keeps him from skipping words. He also rereads many phrases and entire sentences, for fear that he's skipped something. Even though I've assured him he never skips words, he still repeats lines, making reading quite frustrating. His brain, he tells me, makes him repeat lines so that Jesus won't be mad at him (distorted religious views are common with this disorder).
He can't be outside for more than two to five minutes before coming in to tell me that a stranger said something to him (but a stranger never does). The obsession is a stranger talking to him, and the ritual is to come and tell me. I am to say that no one spoke to him. If I don't respond as needed, he gets stressed. OCD kids go through these checking rituals, needing certain verbal assurances in order to go on with their day. For example, a child might say, "I think I touched raw egg. Am I going to be okay?" And the parent must say, "Yes, you're okay." The same sequence occurs over and over, driving the parent and child insane.
He also frequently says sorry to Jesus with his head bowed, because he either had a disturbing thought about hurting someone, or because he felt he did something wrong. OCD people don't act on their disturbing thoughts, but nevertheless, the thoughts cause great stress, which is not relieved until they've done their ritual.
Peter no longer falls asleep easily and must ask me about several things, including if a fire will happen, a tornado, or other disaster. He comes out of his room at least five times each night, asking me if such and such thing is going to happen, and I must assure him that, no, nothing bad is going to happen.
At times lately, I feel on the brink of despair. To see my son suffering like this is so painful! And, he takes up a lot of my time, leaving the other kids too little of my emotional energy. They are distancing themselves from his bizarre behavior; this has happened subtly over time, despite my giving them simple lessons on what OCD is.
Peter knows all these things are irrational, but he can't stop. We huddle and pray often now, asking God to help him fight these thoughts, and avoid doing the ritual. To the Lord's credit, my sweet boy is not bitter, except for some jealousy of his younger brother, whom he perceives has an easy life, compared to his.
If unchecked or untreated, the rituals associated with OCD impair functioning, making it difficult to live a normal life--they take up too much of the sufferer's time, for one thing. Cognitive Behavior Therapy--training them to challenge their thoughts and face their fears--in conjunction with medication, is the usual treatment. Although OCD often shows up at seven years old, kids this age are not generally given psychiatric drugs, unless they are severely impaired. We aren't going to seek OCD medication at this time, but Peter will see a neurologist to take a history and give recommendations for treatment (for the ADHD and OCD).
My husband's nephew has OCD and bipolar disorder, and my family has a history of anxiety disorders, so poor Peter, and my other children, have unfortunate genes on both sides. I won't know if my girls are completely normal until they reach at least age eight (or adolescence, for bipolar). Paul worries me in some respects, but it appears he will be less impaired than Peter.
My half brother has ADHD, and his daughter has bipolar and an anxiety disorder. ADHD, OCD, Tourette's Syndrome and Bipolar Disorder often occur together. They affect the brain similarly. If a parent has ADHD, for example, his child may inherit one of the others, or both.
When Peter's reading symptoms cropped up, I was so mad at God. How could He allow that pleasure to be tainted by this ugly disorder? As well as Peter's time outside, and his beloved baking and cooking?
But it wasn't long before I thought of Shannon, watching her children slowly die of Sanfilippo.
Do I really have any problems at all, compared to hers? I think not.
I trust God. I trust the outcome. But the journey is hard, despite His grace.
The challenge is to keep my eyes heavenward, every moment of the day. I do that, lately, by doing the prayer huddles with the children. At the very least, they help me ( and Peter and the kids) get through the next hour, at which time we huddle again, if necessary. They are troopers and don't look upon the praying as a chore.
My gratitude list:
- My husband is off on Thursday and Friday. He works seven days a week, normally. Time off isn't paid, but it will still be a blessing to all of us.
- Smiles and hugs, given to each other as gifts
- Peter's wound is finally looking better. For the first week, I wasn't getting the bandaging tight enough to hold the skin flap flat.
- Online friends. All of you. Thank you.
- Having online contact with other parents who have special-needs children. All the flesh and blood people near us have normal children; they don't understand, nor do I expect them to. Being understood feels priceless.
- 2 Corinthians 1:4 Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.
- The ability to comfort others. Without grief, without hardship, we never learn this. To be able to comfort is priceless!
- my sweet baby, sleeping better tonight (mild sinus infection following a cold)
- writing--it helps me process, and it allows God to speak to me
- Louisa May Alcott's Little Men, which has turned out to be quite a treasure. No surprise there.
- The book of Proverbs--easy for young children to follow.
- a warm house (Weather is turning. Snow expected on Friday.)
- warm clothes
- Thanksgiving, for the togetherness it allows, for the attitude it teaches
Happy Thanksgiving, friends!
Sunday, November 21, 2010
where two or three gather
So many frustrating things right now. Behavior, special-needs issues, sleep, finger injury, unpaid bills, poor peer influences at AWANA, poor chore follow-through at home--all these are challenging at the same time. I haven't known what to say in this space this week.
The children and I have taken to huddling together a few times a day to pray our difficulties away and read some Proverbs. When you just have no idea how to make things right or sane, it's time to call in the Expert, over and over again.
"For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them." Matthew 18:20
I'm here tonight to express gratitude for....:
- a sweet art teacher. My boys have loved their art class and learned many art techniques.
- a husband who stops to kiss me as he leaves, despite his stress
- a dishwasher, washer and dryer, clean drinking water, hot water, a vacuum that still works
- a trash man who took my extra leaf bags for free, despite a $3 a bag rule beyond 6 bags (a rule I didn't know about)
- playing outside in November in Ohio without a jacket
- a baby's first sentence (her speech is very unclear, but I'm glad for her phrases and now a tiny sentence.)
- a baby with curls down her back
- pumpkin pie cooling on the stove
- laundry caught up
- turkey thawing in the fridge for Thursday
- a boy who recognizes negative peer pressure and tells me: "I don't want to act tough and stupid. I want to be sweet."
I'm not so sure pairing 3rd graders with 4-6th graders is a good idea. We're praying about what to do with AWANA. At this particular church, it's dominated by public-schooled kids who've lost innocence, sweetness, and respect (in the older class; younger classes are going well). We want our boys to have godly role models for how young men should behave. Yes, boys are wild at heart and I don't fight that--wouldn't want to fight God's design. But they don't have to be disrespectful and callous as well. What public school seems to do for older kids is to eliminate individuality and create a mob. God help those who don't fit the mold! Each child on his own might be quite nice, but in the mob, one only sees the "tough-and-unruly" act.
A nearby large church has a program similar to AWANA called Brigade (for boys). That church has a homeschooled population mixed with Christian-schooled and public-schooled kids. It might be an option when I have a vehicle (the car pick-up in PA didn't work out. There is a probate issue with the car that needs the attorney's attention and their office is just not getting to it.)
Meantime, we are praying about how long to keep the kids in AWANA--a once-beloved program. The teachers and helpers are wonderful, which makes the decision very difficult. The kids and I are praying for the teachers (and students), who are challenged and stressed by the behaviors they're encountering with the boys. The Scripture that stands out at me right now is this:
1 Corinthians 15:33
Do not be misled: "Bad company corrupts good character."
If it were just a couple boys, that would be easier to deal with. But it's most of the twenty. How long can I expect my son to stay on the fringe at his young age, and possibly be bullied? If he were in high school or college, I've no doubt he could handle it. But at eight years old, I think it's a lot to ask
The children and I have taken to huddling together a few times a day to pray our difficulties away and read some Proverbs. When you just have no idea how to make things right or sane, it's time to call in the Expert, over and over again.
"For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them." Matthew 18:20
I'm here tonight to express gratitude for....:
- a sweet art teacher. My boys have loved their art class and learned many art techniques.
- a husband who stops to kiss me as he leaves, despite his stress
- a dishwasher, washer and dryer, clean drinking water, hot water, a vacuum that still works
- a trash man who took my extra leaf bags for free, despite a $3 a bag rule beyond 6 bags (a rule I didn't know about)
- playing outside in November in Ohio without a jacket
- a baby's first sentence (her speech is very unclear, but I'm glad for her phrases and now a tiny sentence.)
- a baby with curls down her back
- pumpkin pie cooling on the stove
- laundry caught up
- turkey thawing in the fridge for Thursday
- a boy who recognizes negative peer pressure and tells me: "I don't want to act tough and stupid. I want to be sweet."
I'm not so sure pairing 3rd graders with 4-6th graders is a good idea. We're praying about what to do with AWANA. At this particular church, it's dominated by public-schooled kids who've lost innocence, sweetness, and respect (in the older class; younger classes are going well). We want our boys to have godly role models for how young men should behave. Yes, boys are wild at heart and I don't fight that--wouldn't want to fight God's design. But they don't have to be disrespectful and callous as well. What public school seems to do for older kids is to eliminate individuality and create a mob. God help those who don't fit the mold! Each child on his own might be quite nice, but in the mob, one only sees the "tough-and-unruly" act.
A nearby large church has a program similar to AWANA called Brigade (for boys). That church has a homeschooled population mixed with Christian-schooled and public-schooled kids. It might be an option when I have a vehicle (the car pick-up in PA didn't work out. There is a probate issue with the car that needs the attorney's attention and their office is just not getting to it.)
Meantime, we are praying about how long to keep the kids in AWANA--a once-beloved program. The teachers and helpers are wonderful, which makes the decision very difficult. The kids and I are praying for the teachers (and students), who are challenged and stressed by the behaviors they're encountering with the boys. The Scripture that stands out at me right now is this:
1 Corinthians 15:33
Do not be misled: "Bad company corrupts good character."
If it were just a couple boys, that would be easier to deal with. But it's most of the twenty. How long can I expect my son to stay on the fringe at his young age, and possibly be bullied? If he were in high school or college, I've no doubt he could handle it. But at eight years old, I think it's a lot to ask
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