Josh Duggar's Demise, Part 2

The latest Josh Duggar scandal--a Christian catastrophe--is shattering enough to write about not once, but a few times, as we glean what we can from it and move forward as a Church body.

In this post I want to flesh out Satan's role a bit more in Josh's demise, and then in another post I want to respond to the woman who asserted that Anna Duggar's parents failed to empower her, and that as mothers we should be teaching our daughters to "breathe fire".

If Anna decided to divorce her husband the Church would not stand in her way due to the adultery, though if she entered what's called a covenant marriage, (legal in three states) she would have to go to counseling for a couple years with Josh before deciding to leave him. I know nothing about the nature of their union, but I feel confident she's not actually stuck. If he proved to be unrepentant over time, she would undoubtedly do what her prayers tell her is best for her children.

For the record, I'm personally trying hard to mercy Josh Duggar, who my heart wants to despise. As a Christ follower I know hating him is not an option for me, anymore than it is for his wife, parents, siblings, in-laws, or church family.

Josh is not off the hook by our mercy, however. Church discipline is waiting for him, I imagine, which I pray will completely humble him before his Savior and fellow Christians. His hardest fight yet, which he may have already begun in May--after canceling his Ashley Madison accounts in the wake of the molestation scandal--is to fully repent and allow God to heal him from his sexual addictions.

What's sure to prove true is that Satan will not let go of Josh easily.

Addiction is the ugliest of human problems, stealing the soul and leaving massive destruction in its wake. It starts with one poisonous thought put in us by the enemy: I deserve this.

~ I deserve more clothes, more furniture, a nicer home or car...
~ I deserve the most exciting and thrilling intimate experience imaginable...
~ I deserve my computer time...my gaming time..
~ I deserve a "high"...to have a little fun and feel uninhibited...
~ I deserve all the comforts the world has to offer...
~ I deserve social media because all the other people are doing it... (a popular teen mantra)

What do humans really deserve? Hell.

Period.

Though I need to qualify this with a heavy side note: This sentiment of what we deserve need not be an excuse to enable someone in their addiction, or to allow people to abuse us. We aren't supposed to participate in the sins of others (including as victims) and both addiction and abuse are sins. As such, distancing and protecting ourselves from these people is sometimes absolutely necessary and healthy and moral. Additionally, we should do everything we can to secure the release of moral prisoners, such as those caught in human trafficking. As people created in the image of God we do deserve dignity, and so we should do everything we can to fight spiritual and physical poverty.

We are the created and our destiny is in the Creator's hands. The gift of free will can sometimes make it seem like we have control, but choice is not the same thing as control. The Creator holds ultimate, overriding power in our lives and in the universe.

Those using Ashley Madison accounts thought they had control, but God's proven otherwise.

As Believers, we enjoy the knowledge that he works all things for our good. What this really means is that He molds our hearts so that our will eventually intersects with his. What it doesn't mean is that things will always be easy. It's our ultimate good he's after, not always our immediate good.

What does God our Creator offer us, and what did he offer Adam and Eve?

He offers everything our souls truly crave: Eternity and beautiful, soul-deep fellowship with Him, both in Heaven and while we wait for him here. A few encounters with Him are not enough; we need continual fellowship to benefit from the soul food he offers, and it's only when we break fellowship with Him and hide or deny our sins instead of confess them, that Satan gains a stronghold.

One of the best defenses against Satan besides prayer and bathing in the Word? It's to hold captive for Christ the thought that we deserve a particular thing. Another important and related defense is gratitude. The grateful person does not seek pleasure as a false god.

The Ashley Madison hacking was orchestrated by God, I believe, to give the Church and the nations a wake-up call. Let's pray it works. Not only are there suspected suicides from it, but divorce attorneys, therapists, and even pastors will have plenty of work in the coming few years, as God cleans house.

Before the Ashley Madison scandal leaves the news cycle, we need to ask ourselves...what does he need to clean up in my heart? 

Name it, gouge it, and pray it out of your life.

How to Avoid a Josh Duggar Heart

Like my fellow believers, I've been sickened by the news of Josh Duggar's cheating ways, as well as by the commenters claiming that Christians are like everyone else, or even sicker. "If there was a God, they assert, he would change hearts. What evidence is there that Christians have better hearts? None."

Oh, my. This is certainly a compelling argument against religion, with pastors and parishioners falling left and right. We're even sicker, people assume, because we hide our sins deeper down, hoping to stay in the good graces of our fellow Bible-thumpers...or something like that.

My first thoughts were: How does a true Christian participate in ongoing sin--having these awful Ashley Madison accounts, for example, for two years? How do you eat at the family table, take care of your children, go about your family life, while living a lie? How are you not utterly miserable while doing this? How do you not worry about your wife's sexual health, which you are putting into jeopardy with your insane selfish acts--as well as the health of any unborn babies? How do you not worry about your children, who will be ashamed of their last name and their Daddy? How do you live with yourself everyday? How do you not break down and confess early on?

I still don't know the answer, and of course it's not my place to judge another's salvation. My purpose today is in offering wisdom as to how the rest of us can avoid ongoing sin.

I can witness to you about what happens within me when I pray before my family, confessing my sins. My friends, it is humbling, cleansing. It's as though you're using a toothbrush to get at the deepest grime between the tiles. Don't get too busy to pray humbly before your family, who love you and can help heal you.

It's possible to participate in corporate or private prayer without the confessing part, but this is not God's design. It's so easy to avoid examining our own hearts--especially when we're busy analyzing others' heart--but our heart's purity demands this examining step, daily.

If you said something unkind to your husband, for example, it will come up as you examine your heart during prayer time. The Holy Spirit will make sure it comes up. And your heart, as you confess and ask for forgiveness, will be softened against your husband, helping you avoid another unkind remark or heart stance.

If we don't keep up with a daily cleansing of the heart, we begin to feel like we have a right to our sinful feelings, attitudes, or behaviors. Our hearts harden and life becomes about us, not about loving God and our fellow man.

The Holy Spirit keeps us pure, but it's our job to turn to Him, boldly looking him squarely in the eyes, asking: search my heart and cleanse me.

I will go through The Lord's Prayer below, explaining how we are to model our prayers, but first, let us read about David's contrite heart after sinning against God.

I've always thought this a beautiful prayer, and I see it as God making beauty from ashes out of David's sin--in producing a heart model for us to follow after we have sinned. This Psalm is David's prayer after committing adultery with Bathsheba.

Psalm 51: A psalm of David. When the prophet Nathan came to him after David had committed adultery with Bathsheba.

1Have mercy on me, O God,

according to your unfailing love;

according to your great compassion

blot out my transgressions.

2Wash away all my iniquity

and cleanse me from my sin.

3For I know my transgressions,

and my sin is always before me.

4Against you, you only, have I sinned

and done what is evil in your sight;

so you are right in your verdict

and justified when you judge.

5Surely I was sinful at birth,

sinful from the time my mother conceived me.

6Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb;

you taught me wisdom in that secret place.

7Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;

wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.

8Let me hear joy and gladness;

let the bones you have crushed rejoice.

9Hide your face from my sins

and blot out all my iniquity.

10Create in me a pure heart, O God,

and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

11Do not cast me from your presence

or take your Holy Spirit from me.

12Restore to me the joy of your salvation

and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

13Then I will teach transgressors your ways,

so that sinners will turn back to you.

14Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God,

you who are God my Savior,

and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.

15Open my lips, Lord,

and my mouth will declare your praise.

16You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;

you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.

17My sacrifice, O God, is^b a broken spirit;

a broken and contrite heart

you, God, will not despise.

18May it please you to prosper Zion,

to build up the walls of Jerusalem.

19Then you will delight in the sacrifices of the righteous,

in burnt offerings offered whole;

then bulls will be offered on your altar.

Commonly known as the Lord's Prayer, but better termed The Disciple's Prayer, this is the model Jesus gave for how to pray. 

Matthew 6:9-13

9 “This, then, is how you should pray:


“‘Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
10 your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
11 Give us today our daily bread.
12 And forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
13 And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.

It starts, Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name. When we go before our heavenly Father in prayer, we should begin with praising His holy name.

Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Next, we should pray that the Lord will come back soon, and that more people will come to Christ beforehand, including our family, friends, neighbors, acquaintances. God puts people in our path to pray for and influence, and we should remember them all at this time. The Lord desires that none shall perish.

Next, we should pray that we, and others, will live according to God's will, not our own--that God will work this into our hearts. 

Give us today our daily bread. We have nothing and deserve nothing outside of God's grace and will, and everything on the earth is the Lord's. We humbly acknowledge that we are utterly dependent on God; we ask him to provide everything we need to live on a daily basis: physical nourishment, shelter, clothing, spiritual strength, grace. We also pray for other's daily needs and petitions here.

And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. We pause a moment in prayer and let the Holy Spirit reveal our sins to us, so that we can name them and ask for forgiveness. We then ask that our hearts will be softened toward those who have offended us, so we can thoroughly forgive them.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. These two clauses belong together, and according to John Calvin's commentary, their meaning is thus:

“We are conscious Of our own weakness, and desire to enjoy the protection of God, that we may remain impregnable against all the assaults of Satan.” We showed from the former petition, that no man can be reckoned a Christian, who does not acknowledge himself to be a sinner; and in the same manner, we conclude from this petition, that we have no strength for living a holy life, except so far as we obtain it from God. Whoever implores the assistance of God to overcome temptations, acknowledges that, unless God deliver him, he will be constantly falling.

The Lord will make beauty from ashes out of Josh Duggar's sins, just like he did with King David's, though we may never see it. Josh's fall is a reminder to us all that, outside of prayer with confession, we will go likewise.

Daily life is so very busy, especially with young children around, but prayer need not take a long time, as we see from this model. There will be seasons of life when it can be luxuriously long, when children are gone and the house is still and quiet, perhaps. But in the meantime, we open ourselves up to sin and pain and shame, if we ever claim we are too busy to pray. Even five minutes with a spouse is significant and holy.

How does your family do prayer?

Your Teen and Pornography

Even in the church, it's hard to raise a teen unstained from the world. Our desire is to present our children to the Lord holy and righteous--not lovers of the world--ready and approved for a lifetime of service. When 80% of teens in youth group have an iPhone in his or her pocket, as well as teens at school and in the after-school sports world, it's excruciatingly hard to keep a child unstained. The "world" is all around them.

Today I present some sobering porn statistics, along with a long list of verses to present to tweens and teens before sending them off with their peers.

It seems every week now my son shares something about the youth group environment I don't like. All the comments and observations are excellent material for our devotional sessions, but it makes me sad nonetheless. Just yesterday he saw a group of guys in the youth room all looking at an iPhone screen, making fun of a girl's face. It didn't appear to be an inappropriate picture, but the boys were disrespecting the girl. 

The problem with youth group isn't the Bible lessons the leaders present, which are good. It's the influence of the kids already affected by iPhone and video game distractions, some to the point of addiction. 

And then there's the staggering pornography problem, which in part can be traced to kids having unsupervised access to the Internet (not in the family room with an adult present). Filters are not fool-proof.

I want my children to benefit from the youth group Bible teaching and be a light for Christ to the other teens, rather than emulate them--all in a non-judgmental manner. It's a delicate balance that can only be achieved through a whole lot of parent-lead Bible lessons. 

We need to be proactive, early, without also burdening our children with the weight of the world. It starts with Scripture and a non-worldly home. It starts with a positive relationship with parents wherein teens trust their parents' judgement, and accept their leadership. 

Below are the porn statistics followed by relevant verses about not being stained by the world.

Here are general pornography statistics from a 2015 Covenant Eyes report:

In 2012, Tru Research conducted 2,017 online interviews with teens, ages 13-17, and parents of teens:

71% of teens have done something to hide what they do online from their parents (this includes clearing browser history, minimizing a browser when in view, deleting inappropriate videos, lying about behavior, using a phone instead of a computer, blocking parents with social media privacy settings, using private browsing, disabling parental controls, or having e-mail or social media accounts unknown to parents). 

32% of teens admit to intentionally accessing nude or pornographic content online. Of these, 43% do so on a weekly basis.

Only 12% of parents knew their teens were accessing pornography. 

In 2001, a study by the Kaiser Family Foundation discovered among all online youth ages 15-17: 

70% say they have accidentally stumbled across pornography online. 9% say this happens very often. 14% somewhat often. 47% not too often. 

According to a report commissioned by Congress, in 2004 some 70 million individuals visit pornographic Web sites each week; about 11 million of them are younger than 18. 

Data from a 2004 study of nearly 1000 adolescents in Israel showed: 15% of Internet users said they frequently or very frequently used the Internet to search for pornography. The strongest predictor of using pornography was being male. 

Adolescents who reported using porn were more likely to; (1) attend a secular school vs. a religious school; (2) have a lower commitment to family; (3) have a lower support of pro-social attitudes; and (4) be a heavy Internet user. 

In a 2007 University of Alberta study, 429 students ages 13 and 14 from 17 schools across Alberta, Canada, were surveyed about how often they accessed sexually explicit media content: 

90% of boys and 70% of girls reported accessing sexually explicit media on at least one occasion. 

35% of boys said they had viewed pornographic videos “too many times to count.” 

In 2008, YouGov conducted a survey of 1,424 British youth (14-17 years old): 

58% said they have seen pornography. 

71% of sexually active teenagers have viewed pornography. 

42% of sexually active teenagers view pornography regularly. 

More than a quarter of boys use porn at least once a week (5% of them every day). 

In 2008, more than 560 college student responded to an online survey: 

93% of boys and 62% of girls were exposed to pornography before 18. 

14% of boys and 9% of girls were exposed to pornography before 13. 

69% of boys and 23% of girls have spent at least 30 consecutive minutes viewing Internet pornography on at least one occasion. 

63% of boys have done so more than once, and 35% of boys have done so on more than 10 occasions. 

83% of boys and 57% of girls have seen group sex online. 

69% of boys and 55% of girls have seen same-sex intercourse online. 

39% of boys and 23% of girls have seen sexual bondage online. 

32% of boys and 18% of girls have seen bestiality online. 

18% of boys and 10% of girls have seen rape or sexual violence online. 

15% of boys and 9% of girls have seen child pornography. 

According to an anonymous survey published in the Journal of Adolescent Health in August 2009: 

96% of teens interviewed had Internet access, and 55.4% reported that they had visited a sexually explicit website. 

Adolescents exposed to these sites are more likely to have multiple lifetime sexual partners, more likely to have had more than one sexual partner in the last 3 months, and more likely to have used alcohol or other substances at their last sexual encounter. 

According to a Symantec study, after analyzing 3.5 million online searches done between February 2008 and July 2009, “sex” was the 4th most used term; “porn” was the 6th. 

This reflects searches done by children in households that use Norton Family. 

In 2010, 14-16-year-olds from a north London secondary school were surveyed. They found: 

Nearly a third looked at sexual images online when they were 10 years old or younger. 

81% look at porn online at home. 

75% said their parents had never discussed Internet pornography with them. 

Other sobering stats from here, excerpted below:

Teenagers with frequent exposure to sexual content on TV have a substantially greater likelihood of teenage pregnancy; and the likelihood of teen pregnancy was twice as high when the quantity of sexual content exposure within the viewing episodes was high.

Pornography viewing by teens disorients them during the developmental phase when they have to learn how to handle their sexuality and when they are most vulnerable to uncertainty about their sexual beliefs and moral values.

A significant relationship also exists among teens between frequent pornography use and feelings of loneliness, including major depression.

Adolescents exposed to high levels of pornography have lower levels of sexual self-esteem.

1 John 2:15-17 Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.

Romans 12:2  Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

1 John 2:15 Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.

James 4:4 You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.

Colossians 2:8  See to it that no one takes you captive by philosophy and empty deceit, according to human tradition, according to the elemental spirits of the world, and not according to Christ.

Matthew 6:24 “No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.

1 John 3:13 Do not be surprised, brothers, that the world hates you.

Romans 14:1-23  As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions. One person believes he may eat anything, while the weak person eats only vegetables. Let not the one who eats despise the one who abstains, and let not the one who abstains pass judgment on the one who eats, for God has welcomed him. Who are you to pass judgment on the servant of another? It is before his own master that he stands or falls. And he will be upheld, for the Lord is able to make him stand. One person esteems one day as better than another, while another esteems all days alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind. ...

1 John 2:16  For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world.

Hebrews 13:5 Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Ephesians 5:11 Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them.

John 15:18-21  “If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. Remember the word that I said to you: ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you. If they kept my word, they will also keep yours. But all these things they will do to you on account of my name, because they do not know him who sent me.

John 12:46  I have come into the world as light, so that whoever believes in me may not remain in darkness.

1 John 1:7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.

1 Thessalonians 5:22 Abstain from every form of evil.

2 Corinthians 4:4 In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God.

1 John 2:17 And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.

2 Peter 3:9  The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.

Matthew 7:13 “Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many.

Open Letter to Bristol Palin...And to the Church

Dear Bristol,

I know you said you didn't want lectures or sympathy, but I am going to give you both, anyway, as one of your elders and as a fellow Christian representing Christ and his church, which you have called your own.

I don't write to you or to the Church because I am without sin, or because I have less of it in my life than others. Rather, I am writing as one who has the gift of discernment. God tells us that first, no one gift is better than another, and secondly, we must use the gifts we were given to help build the Church. They aren't to be hidden away because it's too much trouble to bother.

Understand, I am not judging you, Bristol. I'm merely writing to highlight what I see as a problem in the Church--a Church that's failing to make disciples. Internal sin hinders the Church terribly and makes it a mockery.

I want to commend you on several fronts, beforehand.

Firstly, I am glad you have loved your son Tripp so well. I rejoice that you believe every life is precious. I commend you for carrying this new baby, despite the horrific cost to you personally, in light of your public life. I too believe every baby is a blessing.

And Bristol, I'm sincerely sorry you have been disappointed in love and that this pregnancy doesn't come at a happier time in your life. My heart aches for you over that disappointment. Truly, people will disappoint us--whether it's husband, parents, children or friends--they will all disappoint, which is why we have to cling to the Lord harder than to anyone or anything.

You had the best of intentions and I'm sure you'd like credit for those. I heard that some years back you told Oprah you wouldn't engage in any further premarital sex. And as the left loves to remind you, you got paid a high salary to speak on behalf of an abstinence campaign. Yes, this puts you in an embarrassing situation now--one that's inviting the worst of the You Hypocrite! comments regularly lobbied at Christians. I want to address your response to these attacks, and your response to your own sin.

But first, about your paid ventures, such as the abstinence campaign: I clearly see that you and your mother are entrepreneurs and when opportunities come, either by chance or through your savvy smarts, you take them. As a single mom with no education to fall back on, you are right to do what you can to support your child. No one can begrudge you that.

Entrepreneurs have a certain set of strengths and weaknesses, and impulsiveness is unfortunately one of the weaknesses, which has gotten you and your mother into trouble through carelessly tossed comments--comments that, while perhaps true, too often are devoid of grace and gentleness. Your tones exude defiance rather than humility, which is understandable given the viciousness of the personal comments you and your family have received over the years. The minute we name Christ, we're vulnerable to attacks.

God wants us to clothe ourselves in grace and gentleness. Our enemies being vicious toward us does not justify defiance, defensiveness and sarcasm, at the expense of humility and grace. When we fall and speak rashly, we need to apologize for our lack of graciousness. There is something very noble about these two words, sincerely offered: I'm sorry. 

My own carelessly tossed words toward an enemy brought condemnation on me, and the Lord taught me the humility necessary to say I'm sorry, even to one who hates me and didn't deserve my apology. The apology wasn't for my enemy, but for the Lord and his bride, the Church. Sometimes we don't get to be individuals in the Church. We must see ourselves as part of a Body, to whom we have an obligation.

Maybe I'm sorry won't satisfy the left, but it will please the Lord, to whom you owe everything.

Now I'm going to address what most bothers me about your overall attitude. I haven't read your bestselling book about the forgiveness and redemption God blessed you with following your 2008 fall from grace. Maybe it was very contrite and I rejoice if that is true.

But as a fellow member of the Church, I am saddened by your first blog post announcing your new pregnancy, and your following  "Update" post, in which you're pictured making a zero sign with your hand, indicating how much you care about the negativity lobbied at you.

This zero sign smacks of defiance, in the face of a sin God finds grievous. You can't afford this attitude right now and neither can the Church. My whole spirit groaned when I saw it, Bristol.

And here's your initial announcement, which also has its problems, spiritually speaking:

(I’m announcing this news a lot sooner than I ever expected due to the constant trolls who have nothing better to talk about!!!) This is not gracious, Bristol. You became a public figure by choice when you began taking jobs that put you into the public eye. When you were a teen, you were thrown into the public eye, but in your twenties, you chose it. Be gracious to the public no matter if they deserve it or not. Be humble and consider that you are impulsive sometimes. Have a plan to pray about your words before publishing them. The more famous you are, the more responsibility you have. To whom much is given, much is expected.

I wanted you guys to be the first to know that I am pregnant. Honestly, I’ve been trying my hardest to keep my chin up on this one. At the end of the day there’s nothing I can’t do with God by my side, and I know I am fully capable of handling anything that is put in front of me with dignity and grace. Let's not speak of dignity and grace without considering what it looks like, first. I agree you are capable of this. However, without clothing yourself in humility, dignity and grace will allude you. Acknowledge your sin as many times as you have to when you address the public outcry. Or, give up your public persona and live as a private citizen. God allows notoriety for Christians, and with it comes responsibility. Yes, I said that before, but it needs repeating for any Christian in the public eye.

Recall when the Duggars were thrown into the public eye to a greater extent because of Josh's sin. They didn't respond snarkily, but humbly. They remained humble and gracious throughout.

Life moves on no matter what. So no matter how you feel, you get up, get dressed, show up, and never give up. Your children need your strength and not viewing yourself as a victim is commendable, however, life does not just happen. We make choices and God demands that we take the consequences even while he forgives. Sin is incredibly costly for us personally and for the Church. Thus, you are having trouble keeping your chin up emotionally as you live the consequences. This is to be expected. The cost of your sin will be high for you and your two children forever, even as God gives you the hope to face tomorrow.

I wish you had said something about the cost to your children. We love our children with our prudent choices on their behalf, as much as with our hugs and our time with them. As always, love requires dying to self and this is something your children are going to look for in your history, as they reflect back on their childhoods. Yes, mom gave birth to us despite the public ridicule, but did she also live her life with tender care for our overall well being--for our salvation, above all? Bristol, I have to ask myself these same types of questions as a mother, everyday. Every mother needs to remember: I no longer fly solo in my everyday decisions. God is merciful, but the stakes are high for parents and without putting God first intentionally, who gives us wisdom and insight, we will mess up frequently, and our children will identify our mistakes in their own minds someday, to our shame and regret.

When life gets tough, there is no other option but to get tougher. Or, when life gets tough, there is the option to embrace humility and clothe ourselves in it. I'm not sure God wants you to get tougher, Bristol. I think he wants you to have a contrite spirit and realize that to avoid sin, you have to be intentional. You have to view yourself as incredibly fallen and sinful. Only through this lens do we take terribly seriously the need to walk away from temptation. God always provides a way out of temptation, and we have to locate that way out and keep our eyes on it.

You needed to avoid being alone with your boyfriend/fiance. You needed to have the humility necessary to plan not to be alone with him. Planning not to sin is how we avoid sin, and yes, this is the lecture you didn't want and said you didn't need. Passion is more than human beings can handle unless we put it under God's rule, just as too much money is more than most of us can handle, unless we put it under God's rule. Without a plan, no single or single-again person remains chaste--nor does a wife or husband who allows themselves to be alone with the opposite sex, or allows themselves to share their personal life with the same, resulting in an emotional affair.

Any other stance regarding sin is magical thinking--and magical thinking has weakened the Church. We all exercise way too much of this. You are not alone here, Bristol. Magical thinking is crushing the Church, making her more and more irrelevant.

I see it in my own life as well, Bristol, and your pain has been a reminder that I need to address every last sin in my life with an intentional plan, starting with a note on my computer: Set a timer now. No escapism allowed. For this is what intention looks like, and yes, even with it we will sometimes fall. Thus, the Cross. But the cross is cheapened when we sin on a regular basis, willfully or through lack of an intentional plan. Indeed, without a plan to identify the escape route God provides, maybe we are willfully sinning. This judgement is up to God.

But she was engaged, some people say. I understand this may seem like the time to relax your standards--when the ring is already on the finger. A ring doesn't matter in the least in terms of sin. People change their minds and they fall out of lust/love quickly--and this is especially true when we fall sexually. Disdain for the object of our passion is common after our sin.

If you ever want to be married, Bristol, understand that the minute you say yes to passion before marriage, you will love yourself and your partner less because of it. Nothing kills love like shame and disgust. I'm sorry the shame isn't equally shared by your ex-fiance in society's eyes, but believe me, God is just as displeased with him. His walk before God will not be easy if he doesn't do the right thing.

I want to see your joyful face in the future as a mother and wife, and I just don't think that will happen if you don't receive and take to heart a bit of lecturing. We all need spiritual sharpening and we mustn't begrudge it haughtily.

I know this has been, and will be, a huge disappointment to my family, to my close friends, and to many of you. While this is nice, it falls short of admitting sin. It falls short of saying: I'm sorry I stained the Church. I'm sorry I didn't take more seriously my high position and consider what good I could have done for the Church. Part of the disdain against you, Bristol, is due to your wording here: This simply isn't a contrite heart asking for forgiveness. It isn't a heart that's been humbled enough to say: I have sinned against God, against the Church, against my fiance, and against my children. I humbly ask for your forgiveness, and I need your prayers so I can do right by God and by the Church, going forward.

But please respect Tripp’s and my privacy during this time. I do not want any lectures and I do not want any sympathy.

My little family always has, and always will come first. Tripp, this new baby, and I will all be fine, because God is merciful. He'd be far more merciful if you were far more contrite. I urge you to put out a new statement, Bristol. One that points to the terrible consequences of sin. One that shows you truly understand your failings. One that expresses sorrow that you did not live up to the hopes of the organizations who paid you to encourage abstinence. One that shows you understand we are part of one body, the Church, and you let the Church down too, not just your family, friends, and blog followers. I urge you to say the obvious to young people: Do not be alone with your date, for passion is something bigger than you. Tell them to be intentional with this, and that they need to ask someone to hold them accountable. Understanding the need for accountability is part of humility. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.
Whether you ever get paid again for a public appearance, or book, or not, do the good you can right now. Go low and humble for the glory of God. Use this opportunity not to make a defiant zero with your finger, but to make amends. After you adopt this stance, God will make beauty from ashes. 

And the same is true for the rest of us. Want beauty from ashes? We have to give up what we want for ourselves or our image, and bow low. We're all in the same boat here. All with the same scarlet letter Bristol wears. All defiant and fighting humility like it's our worst enemy, instead of our way Home.

When You Want To Fit In

He came home from church that day, wondering: Why am I so different?

The youngest in a forty-member class of 7th to 12th graders, he felt left out. Forgotten.

Why don't I have a smart phone? Why don't I have a Twitter or Facebook account? Why don't I have a phone number of my own? Why don't I go on vacations and why can't I do things that cost money? Why don't I get out of school in June and start in September like everyone else? Why do I have a brain glitch that takes up all my time?

He doesn't really want a smart phone: I know this because he hates seeing the faces of youth at church bowing before a phone, unwilling to socialize with the youths all around, who are alive and present and ready to relate.

He knows, too, that he is blessed not to have everything handed to him. He knows distinguishing wants from needs is essential for cultivating gratitude.

But the phone and the lack of vacations are just more ways he is different, and at this juncture, he's still reminding himself that different is good. Fitting in is an empty, misdirected goal. Fitting in is to deny our uniqueness--the specific set of characteristics God gave only to us, as he knit us in the womb.

There's a scriptural "fitting in" that we'll get to below.

To buy a smart phone or the latest thing we don't need is to live blindly--out of touch with our real purpose. It's a wild goose chase, this world-style fitting in.

He also had embarrassing confessions after church that day (which he doesn't mind sharing): I feel like I want to be noticed; I want people to think I'm smart; I want to be able to impress people.

Having been raised in a Christian home, he knew these feelings were not something to advertise. He knew that theologically, they were flawed. And yet he is wired to process his feelings verbally, so speak them he must.

A verbal teen is far easier to rear because nothing is hidden. Everything can be discussed until it's understood and properly placed in a Christian context.

Thankfully, I have three verbal children and another who's easily drawn out.

We talked about these issues, again--all of them coming up recently in another context.

Human beings were meant to be in community, enjoying fellowship and appreciation from one another. We like attention because it speaks love and value into our hearts and lives. All of this? It's basic human psychology.

The problem is, our needs have a depth not equaled by even our family. The hunger for purpose and significance--put their by our Creator--can only be filled by our Heavenly Father, who gave believers an innate desire not to glorify ourselves, but to glorify him.

Devoid of a thriving relationship with our Lord, we mistakenly work for our own glory, thinking it will give us the worth we crave. Whatever skill or gift we have, we work it for our own good, which temporarily fulfills us.

My son? He wants to teach people about God. He feels it in his bones--that this is what he can and needs to do (in addition to the farming). There's a hunger to start it soon and he wonders if he should have the fifth and sixth graders over for a Bible study here at our home, so he can teach them.

He wants to do a good job at it, and be recognized and feel worthy.

Basic human psychology at work here, still. We have capacities and gifts that scream for release--dreams to be fulfilled. We need work, toil, a purpose for rising each day.

All these things, son? They simply make you human and they shouldn't bring shame.

But we must clarify, daily, who it is for whom we toil and why. Who filled this earth with human beings, to exist with and yet have higher needs and intelligence than the animals? Who gave us the desire and capacity to create and build and design and instruct and lead and help and comfort and manage and discern and exhort? Who created such diversity, that we all crave something different for our mind or hands?

God.

Together, we make up his Church. Alone, we can do nothing of value. Each gift, alone, has no power. It is the exercise, in community, of each man's gift that creates a beautiful symphony, in honor of the Lord our God and for his glory.

So that gift you have, Son, for teaching about God? Do it in community. Exercise it properly and it will fulfill you as you honor God. You will be energized, filled with an inexplicable joy in it.

But. Exercise it for your own glory and all your power erodes and you are the same pitiful soul, searching for significance. In this context, your gift becomes irrelevant, and you, worthless.

Because your significance? It comes from your relationship with God and your exercise of the powers he instilled in you, for his glory. 

Did you get that part, son? For His glory.

This post is Part 3 of our Romans 12 Bible Study: Becoming a Romans 12 Christian.

Read Part 1 here.
Read Part 2 here.



FYI: If you title a post about a specific scripture, I find that you get fewer readers. But if the title strikes a cord about a human need, it's more likely to be read. And if you title it with a number--like five ways to lose weight fast, or five things you should never say, you get even more readers.

But I'm not professional like that so don't go looking for numbers in my titles anytime soon. It's all I can do just to get on here, and sort out the Holy Spirit whispers in the quiet of the night.

Today, we learn about our place in the Body, and why we shouldn't think one gift is more important than another, and why we shouldn't think more highly of ourselves than we ought. Let's read the verses below together:

Romans 12:3-8
3 For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned. 4 For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, 5 so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. 6 Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, in proportion to our faith; 7 if service, in our serving; the one who teaches, in his teaching; 8 the one who exhorts, in his exhortation; the one who contributes, in generosity; the one who leads, with zeal; the one who does acts of mercy, with cheerfulness.

Verses 3 - 8 are put in context for us by Bible.org, excerpt below:

In Rom 12:1-2 Paul calls believers to experience ongoing spiritual transformation. This transformation begins by presenting our bodies and renewing our minds. Most people stop reading with 12:2 because these two verses are so familiar. But 12:3 begins with “for” (gar), which is a connecting word signifying that Paul has more to say about transformation. What he says in 12:3-8 is that our commitment to worship and seeking God’s will is incomplete until we are ready to serve. In other words, if your worship does not lead to service, then you haven’t finished worshiping yet. To put it simply: True worship results in service. Paul shares three results of Christian transformation that will enable us to live a transformed life and to apply God’s will... Paul is obviously quite concerned that you and I think humbly about ourselves.

What is humility? It is the recognition and application of who you are in Christ. The first thing Paul does is call attention to his own dependence on grace in the use of his apostolic gift (cf. 1:5). He is saying, “I could easily begin to think too highly of myself as an apostle were it not for one thing: grace. All my calling, all my gifts, all my authority is a work of God’s grace in my life. I don’t deserve it; I didn’t muster it up; it is all of grace.” We must continually remind ourselves of this simple truth: our lives consist of grace. We are saved by grace; we grow by grace; and we are endowed by grace. We are what we are only by God’s grace.

Some gifts result in a front-center position, like pastoring or teaching or administrating. Others, like helping and mercy, are exercised quietly, but still powerfully, in the Body. It's tempting to feel left out as a quiet exerciser of behind-the-scenes gifts, or to feel too powerful as an exerciser of front-center gifts. Each gift is needed; each gift has equal weight in the Lord's sight.

When we think too highly of ourselves, or don't think highly enough of our part in the Body, we lose our balance and the symphony is off key.

Acknowledge your own gifts. Acknowledge your own need for significance, for purpose, for recognition. Next, enjoy the satisfying feeling of right relationship with God and with the Body, through which everything else falls into place. Transform from empty, to full. Transform from gnawing need, to spirit-filled power.

God loves us individually, but he calls us corporately, to work in unison for his glory. 

When we sit at his feet, when we study the Word, when we sing his praises, when we pray, he is there for us as a loving, affirming Father. In His presence, we are filled. He empowers us to serve Him--giving us both the desire and the capacity to join the symphony of believers making up the Church, his bride.

Now, I would do you a disservice not to close with this powerful nugget of wisdom from John Piper, who as he says it is exercising his gifts of discernment and teaching, knowledge and exhortation:

Do you see the astonishing thing that Paul is doing here? As he watches people puff themselves up, thinking of themselves too highly, he says, Here is how to think soberly about yourself: Make faith the measure of your mind. Make faith the measure of your heart, your life. And so he turns self-exaltation upside down. He says, Do you want to have significance? Then look to Christ as infinitely significant. Do you want to have value? Then look to Christ as infinitely valuable. Do you want to want to have esteem? Then look to Christ as worthy of infinite esteem.
Don’t make mistake here. I am not saying what so much contemporary Christian Popular Psychology says. I am not saying: Do you want to have significance? Then look to Christ as a means to your significance. I am not saying: Do you want to have value? Then look to Christ as the one who gives you value. I am not saying: Do you want to have esteem? Then look to Christ as the means of your esteem? I am not saying that in the renewed mind Christ is a means to the goal of your significance and esteem and value. I am saying: you were made to embrace him as infinitely significant and infinitely valuable and infinitely worthy of esteem. That is what the renewed mind does and loves to do. That is the deepest identity of the new mind.
I’ll say it again: Do you want to have significance? Then embrace Christ as the one who is infinitely significant to you. Do you want to have value? Then embrace Christ as infinitely valuable. Do you want to want to have esteem? Then embrace Christ as worthy of infinite esteem.

Thank you for joining me once again, as we study Romans 12. Can't wait until next time. 

A Word to all the Christians

Rejoice in Hope in 2015, and always. That's the task and the privilege of the Christian.

We live in a society that is rapidly anti-Christian and anti-Bible. The main impetus for the hate? It's grown over time, but mainly, in this era, it's our stance on marriage equality. While the mainstream in the Church do not participate in hate speech (some fringe religious groups are reprehensible in their anti-gay demonstrations), we nevertheless refuse to reject Christ and the teachings of the Bible. Refusing to pick and choose what we like in scripture, we don't dump some precepts for our own convenience, or for political correctness. (Or do we?...see below) Our firm resolve has resulted in something unsettling, to say the least, as we're branded thus: haters, bigots, hypocrites.

As Christians we have to think deeply, rather than just regurgitate learned rhetoric. There are serious issues facing our culture and the world. We have to search scripture and our hearts to come up with a discerning stance on all sorts of issues. We are called to have a reason for our hope--all through the ages this has been true. Whatever faced Christians through the centuries, scripture called on them to have a reason for their hope.

History hints that in light of present circumstances, persecution is coming for the Christian, and not just in extremist areas like the Middle East. It's coming on the home front for all who dare open their mouths about the existence of absolute Truth.

Let's go over some serious issues of our time. We must know where we stand on these issues. They aren't someone else's problems, but issues for all humanity to grapple with.

Same-sex attraction does exist. Pedophilia, an attraction to children, does exist. Both are part of the sin curse--a part God has chosen not to eradicate or alleviate. A pedophile sometimes becomes a molester, but not always, just as a person battling same-sex attraction sometimes lives a homosexual lifestyle, but not always. The latter is a crime (and a sin), and the former is considered just sin in some camps, although most states at one time or another had laws on the books labeling sodomy a crime. In either case, the person battling the deviance is dealt a very tragic hand. As Christians standing up for the Bible, that's important for us to acknowledge.

Let me address some facts about molestation and pedophilia--which are two different things. We know that a small percentage of molestation cases are due to teenage experimentation (teenagers who are not pedophiles), and another small percentage are due to sociopaths displaying anti-social behavior (sociopaths who are not also pedophiles). An even smaller percentage are carried out by the severely mentally handicapped (who are not pedophiles). The remaining vast percentage of molestation incidents are carried out by pedophiles who choose to act on their disorder (pedophilia is a disorder listed in the diagnostic manual) in devious, manipulative, sick ways. They become highly manipulative in order to carry out their desires in ways that won't land them in prison. These people are predators, and their predatory behavior can start as soon as their sexuality kicks in at puberty.

Some argue that pedophiles are groomed by other pedophiles and wouldn't be this way if not for the crimes committed against them. Maybe, but probably only in some cases. Not everyone is corrupted by the sins committed against them. A friend from high school was molested by her father, who is a pedophile (and an alcoholic). Her life was ruined, in many respects, by the crime committed against her, but she was not corrupted, despite the number of years the perpetrator continued in his crimes against her. Now fifty, she has never married, has a number of physical and emotional problems, and despite being salutatorian in high school, has never met with any success in life (that can be measured outwardly). We have email contact only as she lives far away, but her circumstances never cease to tear me up inside, and they're part of the reason I don't trust anyone with my children.

As Christians trying to stand up for truth and mercy, it's important for us to come to terms with the ugliness of the sin curse, especially when we comment on the sins of others. This is emotionally- and mentally-wrenching work, this coming to terms. We are not all dealt an equal hand, when it comes to the sin curse. We all have a choice in how we live our lives, but not in the extent to which the sin curse affects us. God's grace has fallen on humanity unequally, in terms of the sin curse.

He chooses us; we don't choose him. Nevertheless, he probably chooses us by knowing ahead of time who will choose him. I don't pretend to understand this, but like you, I have to accept his sovereignty and be grateful for his grace in my life...and be merciful to others.

Some have the grace of coming from intact, healthy Christian families and becoming Christians early, while others have the grace of coming from unhealthy families, but later being a part of the small percentage of people who come to Christ after age 18. The extent of grace in our lives as a whole varies, but we are called to be grateful for every ounce of grace, not comparing with a bitter heart, wondering why others have it better.

And now, having come to terms a little with the different hands humanity is dealt, I've another angle to present in the whole case against Christians as bigots and hypocrites. In some ways, we are hypocritical.

For example, the marriage and remarriage "laws" in the Bible are strict, and yet we all know Christians who live in circumstances outside the scriptural model. Despite the fact that most pastors will not marry a couple who present with unscriptural circumstances, these couples, though Christian, marry anyway, often in civil ceremonies.

There are many Christian couples who divorce for reasons not cited in scripture. Some live alone and celibate for the rest of their lives, and others, not. Called to live in circumstances we don't like, we choose our own way, rationalizing it.

And yet, we tell same-sex attraction people that they mustn't act on their desires, even though we are guilty of acting on our own non-biblical desires. And similarly, their desire, like ours, is to be happy.

The stark reality? God doesn't call human beings to happiness. This is something we don't like to preach. He calls us to obedience. He calls us to a life of faith. He calls us to self-denial, for the sake of our fellow man. He calls us to walk the path he walked, by the power of the Holy Spirit.

If you talk about modesty in this era, people accuse you of victim-blaming, as though you're saying if someone dresses immodestly, they deserve what they got ( in terms of a sexual crime committed against them). No, modesty is about submitting to one another in love. A crime is a crime, regardless of how someone dressed.

Modesty is about denying the insecure desire to look as attractive as possible. As women, our real attractiveness comes from our heart for God. Skin-deep attractiveness is a grace given to some--but not one to be flaunted.

The Bible calls us to give, and yet many of us don't give even close to 10%, much less giving offerings on top of that.

We are called to forgive, but not all of us do.

We are called to all sorts of things in the Bible, but we fall short.

Why?

Three reasons. First, we have a sin nature. Secondly, we don't have enough faith to make the right decisions at the right times. And thirdly, we don't have the teachable heart necessary to take advantage of biblical wisdom. In all three cases, full surrender to God is lacking.

The few of us who follow biblical precepts pretty well, have another glaring problem. Pride.

We all fall short. Because we don't like, and don't choose to walk in, the path scripture lays out for us. Instead, we want to pursue happiness when it appears available.

Later, as God works in our lives and as we submit to a greater extent, we repent of past decisions and paths. Our sanctification is a process; some have a longer way to go. Some are stagnant for a time because of a unteachable heart, but even these people will be pulled along by their faithful Father, albeit at a slower pace, and with more consequences to deal with.

Some people find themselves in strange circumstances, biblically speaking. They may have divorced and remarried as young Christians still needing milk, but later, they find themselves capable of following scripture with more surrender. No longer baby Christians, they have more power in their lives--power in the form of greater faith, better self-control, better obedience, greater gratitude and generosity.

They repent of past mistakes, but they find themselves in a marriage they weren't supposed to have chosen, biblically speaking. Should they divorce now? Of course not. But they can certainly work to counsel others through their testimony. There were certainly consequences to their wrong decision, and they can speak to those for the sake of others facing the same cross roads: God was merciful to me, but you don't want to walk my path. Walk a better one. A more obedient one. A more legacy-producing one.

As to the matter of tithing: Generosity comes from gratitude, and tithes and offerings come from faith mixed with gratitude and obedience. Not all are in place at the same time. Sanctification is a process.

Despite the reality of this process, we still have to preach Truth. Sanctification being a process doesn't negate the importance of absolute truth, proclaimed. We still have to uphold the Bible as our standard. In our churches, we have to exhort obedience and surrender every Sunday, and everyday as parents with children. In the privacy of our own hearts, we must exhort ourselves to be teachable, to be obedient. To surrender all.

And as to the accusation that we are hypocrites, we best own up to it. We are. Our lives reflect that. We want everyone else to do as the Bible says, even though we don't thoroughly do it ourselves. We are all at his mercy.

The sin curse is horrible. Just horrible. For some people, it's more horrible than it is for us. When we proclaim Absolute Truth, we must also acknowledge that the sin curse is not equally distributed across humanity. We must deliver absolute Truth with authority, and with mercy. Always with mercy.

And we must preach this: The Cross is the answer to every dilemma, to every circumstance, to every horrible manifestation of the sin curse.

The Cross is the reason for our hope. The Cross is the promise of something perfect--in stark contrast to this tear-soaked, wrenching, sin-cursed world. The promise is that this is not our home. It is just a place we're rapidly passing through. Our place is secure for us in our real home...Heaven.

We must urge ourselves, and every Christian, to live, and to make decisions based not on this place, but on Heaven. There are all sorts of discomforts we can handle now, for the sake of Heaven.

We must bathe ourselves in the Word, as a reminder of our Hope, which gives us strength. We must commune with the Holy Spirit, who is our comfort and our teacher.

Whatever happens in the coming years in terms of our persecution, remember the reason for your hope. Remember the rewards waiting in eternity for those who surrender fully now...even unto death. Be willing to proclaim Christ, through all, for the glory of God--the glory of God being our joy and our job.

When Church Hurts

Sometimes, I hate church.

Oh, I love the kids I work with plenty. Their smiles and eager hearts fill me with joy and I will never get over my love for children. But church comes with issues that hurt and then there's the healing and the trying to be upbeat and all. Church is full of fallen people and what can we expect? Extending grace towards each other and ourselves is all we can do, as we continue in the obedience of fellowship with other believers.

We just changed churches last summer because of Mary's extreme thunder fear. She didn't want to go anywhere at all, much less church. She didn't like the church we were in which met at the local elementary school. She loves worship music, which heals her fears somewhat, and that church didn't have any children's music and she had to be in a class without her siblings, which didn't help when she felt like throwing up over the weather (it happened once there).

We were desperate for a solution. The situation made it hard for me to volunteer when she was having unrelenting, debilitating fear. First, I resigned as nursery director and just worked once a month, instead. But still, it wasn't enough and I was stretched too thin emotionally. I was torn between being professional and reliable, and being there for my daughter.

Last year was just incredibly stressful all the months she suffered (and I dread thunderstorms this spring and summer). Unprepared for the intensity again, I'm praying for significant progress before the season hits.

Things improved when we changed churches because the new one was farther away, allowing her to calm down a little during the ride. Moreover, she had children's church with both Paul and Beth, which included children's worship.

All these months later, something else has come up in both our AWANA church and the church we attend. Maybe you've noticed that church is becoming an extension of the regular classroom? There isn't just worship and a sermon, but actual academic work to do. For the last thirty to forty minutes, after large group worship, the kids break up into age groups and Mary suffers through word searches and useless worksheets, both of which are a nightmare for dyslexics (especially word searches). She feels like an idiot and tries to look at other people's papers to get by. Church ends with her somewhat depressed, rather than joyful.

I thought at first of contacting the director and explaining gently that 1 out of 5 people have dyslexia, and that these kids feel anxious and depressed when given written work, word searches, or are asked to read aloud from their Bible in front of other children.

But, I didn't want to rattle feathers. I still don't know what to do about the situation. Why, oh why, does church have to be so academic? What's wrong with verbal discussion? Is it harder to keep kids calm and under control, without written work? Is crowd control part of the issue, like in public schools?


And AWANA? The program we attend isn't in our church. It's in a Church of Christ, which isn't a non-denominational church. We always prefer non-denominational churches because they tend to follow the Bible closely, and are not tied to hierarchies and heaped-on, extra-biblical rules, or a watered-down Gospel.

The first year we attended their AWANA, we didn't know about the doctrinal differences between Church of Christ and our beliefs. We know the United Church of Christ is liberal and perhaps a bit universalist, but we thought plain ol' Church of Christ was evangelical. Then last summer, I read about them online and learned some uncomfortable things, but the kids liked their friends there and we decided to give it a try another year, thinking that within the context of AWANA materials, these doctrinal difference wouldn't come up. We definitely didn't want to attend that church, but the AWANA program is tightly run and we thought it would be safe. My husband and Peter help out there, but I haven't this year.

Well, something really unfortunate happened last Sunday night during Paul's class. The Pastor of that church teaches the older Truth and Training class this year because the previous teacher moved. The Pastor wasn't very involved last year at all. For his "Bible lesson", he does this question and answer session with the kids, apparently so he won't have to prepare an AWANA-approved lesson. He believes that baptism is necessary for salvation, telling Paul that everywhere in the New Testament, baptism follows right after conversion, so one is not truly saved without being baptized.

Paul thought...what about the thief on the cross, who went to heaven without a baptism? However, Paul kept silent about his own musings, fighting back tears. He was devastated, and embarrassed because the kids noticed he was crying. The Pastor said, "Don't worry. We'll get you baptized. Just talk to your parents."

We have desired that our three older kids get baptized, knowing they were spiritually mature enough, but the boys previously felt afraid of the public speaking part and wanted to wait. They now feel ready, along with Mary, but we've come to find out, the church we now attend doesn't baptize children younger than 12, which we definitely don't read about in the Bible. Here again, a church is heaping on rules that aren't in the Bible. We like the church otherwise and we realize no church is perfect, but now we have three children eager and ready to be baptized, and only Peter is eligible at this church.

We may end up baptizing them in a river, for heaven's sake!

It is true that people were baptized in the Bible after they believed, but it wasn't a condition of salvation, but an obedient, public profession of faith. I believe the reason people wait now is because churches, many of them, make you go to classes first and only have baptisms infrequently. It only matters, I suppose, when someone really feels ready to be baptized and can't because of the "red tape".

It's unfortunate.

Sorry about this rant! Just blowing off steam here, after some hurt feelings, tears, and reassuring conversations and Bible verse searches about baptism to help Paul process the false teaching he heard at the AWANA church. He is a true Bible scholar in his own right, but he liked that Pastor and it's hard to reject a false teaching and see it as such when you like the person delivering it. We did let Paul make up his own mind, though, and he sees it as we see it--that baptism is an obedient, public profession of the changed heart brought about by faith in Christ and by the indwelling Holy Spirit, who came to dwell in us when we first believed.

We definitely made a mistake going back to this AWANA program after learning about the doctrinal differences last summer. We can't let the kids' wishes always dictate what church we do or do not go to, although we will always try to accommodate their individual needs.

Lesson learned. Tears shed. Hearts rather exhausted.

I had to write an email to that church telling them we respectfully disagree with them doctrinally about baptism and that we can't attend AWANA there any longer. I thanked them for their service to our children, and I went online to find another AWANA in a non-denominational church that we can attend to finish out the AWANA year, which goes until the end of April.

I hate that we have to attend an AWANA program that isn't at our own church. We love the AWANA program and feel it has aided our children in developing a strong biblical foundation, and in addition, AWANA graduates are eligible for college scholarships of up to five thousand dollars (depending on the college), and every bit helps. The church I found offers AWANA up through eighth grade, allowing Peter to earn another scholarship-worthy award. He aged out of the other AWANA at sixth grade.

I don't know if my children will attend a Christian college or not, but it helps to be prepared for anything at this point, and look into all scholarship options.

I wish we had the foresight to choose a church last summer that offered AWANA. Then, the children would see their AWANA friends more frequently, and we would know more about the people administering the program. The idea of changing churches again feels so fickle and upsetting, but maybe it would be best to admit we made a mistake?

The AWANA church we will try out tomorrow night also has children's church K-6, which my three younger children could potentially attend together on Sundays, if we switched. It includes children's worship music. A second hour includes grade-level classes, which are extra and not required.

Do you find church trying at times? Ever been hurt by a church in some way?

Simple Woman's Daybook 10/7

Outside my window...

A vibrant array of color, the leaves delight me as always in this, my favorite season.

Not too fast, I want to shout to the heavens...not too fast.

Some leaves pile on the ground already, thrown asunder by the wind, reminding me that time passes quickly and there's nothing I can do about it. We must hug our little ones and big ones alike, for in no time our children will be off to their first apartment, thrown asunder by a swiftly moving clock life, leaving us to wonder why we ever minded the noise or the mud or all that laundry.

Oh, but to have them all back again, we'll say, tears running down our cheeks.

Snuggle up and savor. Fill them up with all your heart has to offer, and with all the Lord has to offer, through you.

I am thinking...

Why does it have to be so hard? That has crossed my mind numerous times these last couple weeks. We're going to these psychology appointments, but change, progress, is slow. Fear is a force; it must be understood and reckoned with, and we are learning that this is both simple and not so simple, especially when fear behaves like a tsunami, taking reason with it.

I guess I expected that once we were pursuing the solution, all would be well, but it may be many months of abiding in Christ. Why was I thinking I had the golden egg of solutions?

Because when is a psychologist really a solution? A solution to what? Life is as messy as it is beautiful and the Lord is my shepherd and my psychologist...I shall not want and everything I need is right there in the down payment on my inheritance...the Holy Spirit...talking to me through my prayers and through my Bible reading and through my hardest moments.

This guy behind the desk in the medical building? He can only do what the Lord wills. He's one of God's graces for us in the grand scheme of anxiety disorders, but he's not the answer to having enough endurance...to finishing the race before me. God has already equipped me with everything I need. My work, my job, is to be thankful, obedient, and available as a servant.

I am thankful for...

~ a reading program for dyslexics available to homeschoolers (reading is a grueling process for the dyslexic and one I was not privy to understand before). I don't know what I would have done without the All About Reading curriculum. I decided to use it for both Mary and Beth, though at two different levels. I wanted to prevent any problems with Beth as she becomes a reader, since dyslexia is highly heritable.

~ cooler days--especially mornings and nights, hot cocoa, baking smells in the kitchen again, pumpkin foods, apple foods, lots of homemade soups

~ a marriage that perseveres. The anxiety disorders in the children are taking their toll on our marriage, as is common when children have stressful conditions, but this marriage is solidly based on commitment, not on happiness, so grueling times like this do not shake its foundation. Praise God for that. A marriage that has seen hard times can be a testimony, and right now I am holding on tight for the glory of God. Marriage and raising children is not so much about us, but about the glory of God. Singleness can be the same, though through different avenues of bringing glory.

~ a reorganized, centralized homeschooling area for quick access to the books and assignment sheets we need throughout the day

~ a reorganized laundry-folding and storing system that leaves Mommy only folding the parental laundry. These changes have proven very helpful. The children each have their own standard-sized laundry basket containing their clean pajamas, sweats, and socks/underwear to fold and put away, plus a few towels and washcloths each. I hang everything else straight from the dryer.

~ a four-year-old Down Syndrome boy joined my church Sunday school class this last week and I really wanted to take him home with me...Peter did too. I love special needs children.

~ Sunday school children to love, though I do miss holding the babies in the nursery. I am only with the 4-year-olds now.

~ Our new church is the best church I've ever attended. We've been there about 7 weeks now I'm guessing. It isn't the AWANA church I wrote about, but a different church I found online about twenty minutes from us. I can't put my finger on what is different, but I want to say...they're just very humble, average guys (2 pastors and a youth minister) trying to minister to us, but very talented at it too. They don't view ministry through a staff vs. church member lens. Everyone is equal--there are no cliques. We're all messed-up sinners in need of grace and love and wisdom, pursuing it together, and trying to be it together, for the glory of God. That's what it feels like there and I love it and it's unanimous...the whole family loves it!

For a long time I've wanted to find such a church home, but I came to the conclusion you bloom where you're planted and make the best of it, finding all the good you could. This feels like such a joy finally...my spirit is happy there. There are tons of babies and toddlers and families--it's teaming with life the second you walk in the doors. A young church with a sprinkling of us old folks, who are all happy to look around and laugh at the joy of it all.

I am wearing...

flannel pajamas and slippers because it's late night. I had to wait until all my school prep was done before I could write tonight (as well as the dishes done and the socks and underwear put in the dryer).

I am reading...

My Bible, Little Pear from the girls' Core B curriculum (an amazingly cute and quaint classic I missed as a child and adult), Overcoming Dyslexia, Talking Back to OCD

Scripture to share... Hebrews 12:1

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us

Weekly Homeschool Wrap-Up 6/27

VBS Week News

You know Vacation Bible School has worn your kids out when their older brother, reading aloud from a nature sight, mentions that fireflies are endangered, making the younger three start crying. That was my first cue that I needed to give them the day off school today.

VBS was fantastic, despite Mary's weather/thunder anxiety, which worried me into a mild frenzy of my own Tuesday and Wednesday, after she refused to participate in the first two days. VBS is usually her favorite summer activity, but this year she sat with her fingers in her ears and a throw-up bowl by her side, staying with me, which meant I couldn't help at all until the last day. I was ready to go to the doctor and ask for Prozac of my own, having flashbacks to Peter's 3-4 years of generalized anxiety disorder. Can I really go through that again? This is worse, since Mary is eating very little on cloudy days, throwing up during thunder, and already losing weight. Peter's situation never affected his appetite.

We attended VBS at the same church we go to for AWANA, and my children made more friends, as did I. We fell more in love with that church, which is very family-oriented.

Our own church is a church plant in the local elementary school, and in the three years we've been attending, there has been no mention of praying for or seeking a church building of our own. We have to attend extra children's ministries (AWANA and VBS) elsewhere. The emphasis for our church has been on planting other churches, rather than on creating a permanent home.

For our kids this has been a real drawback, and I didn't realize to what extent until they expressed how much they love this AWANA church and all of its families and pastors (all the families are wonderful; I met several more of them while helping with ice cream sundaes the last day).

It's no larger than our church I don't think, but the music pastor is fantastic and very dynamic with the kids, showing them the time of their lives with lively, interactive songs, such as you would have at Christian camps (many a cappella). My kids have never had a music "pastor" before, especially not one who paid any attention to children. The associate pastor is also very experienced in working with children and he coordinated a wonderful VBS experience--the best my kids have ever had.

The real starting age for this VBS was age 4, but there was a 2's and 3's class made up mostly of the helpers' children who went along with the preschool group as much as they could (because staying in the nursery for three hours would have been too much). My son Peter helped with this 2's and 3's class and did a wonderful job. Several adults praised him for his maturity and initiative. It turns out that our speech teacher goes to this church and was the coordinator for the 2's and 3's class and she had a lot of praise for Peter as well. I was so proud of him! (He's a handful at home. Not always so mature, so it did my momma heart good to hear this.)

Portrait of a Family-Friendly Church 

I learned a few things about the church, including that the family stays together for the first 45 minutes of the Sunday service, after which children ages 4 years old through grade 3 are invited to children's church for the last 45 minutes of service to hear a Bible story, share in Bible memory activities, sing, watch puppet shows, pray, do crafts, play games, and have an occasional snack. Older children stay in service, which I think eliminates the behavior problems you tend to have in older kids' classrooms. Older children really should be learning to follow sermons, and ideally their own parents should deal with any discipline problems that present themselves. I will have to let you know from audio-taped sermons if this pastor attempts to make his sermons intelligible to the 4th-grade plus set. (Our current pastor speaks only to adults).

There are "busy bags" in the foyer to grab on your way into the sanctuary for young children, full of board books, crayons and coloring books, all tied around a certain theme, such as space. Wonderful idea! Everything about the church is just so family friendly, and I noticed that there is emphasis in their mission statement on bearing one another's burdens and developing meaning personal relationships with other church goers. It's non-denominational, and of course Bible-preaching and Bible-believing. They also have a food cupboard and work to care for the community, which is something lacking in our own church. Because of homeschooling and my children's issues, I couldn't take any initiative to make my own church more least-of-these friendly. I can and want to help with food-cupboard and community work, I just can't lead or coordinate it.

We weren't looking to change our church home and don't care for church changes, but as I think about Mary's escalating anxiety disorder and look back at the 3-4 year strain it was when Peter went through something similar, this family-oriented worship format will work much better. Already Mary has had trouble making it through her church class at our current church, and it's not as seamless to have her stay with us. There's nothing child-friendly about our service and she dreads going. Before the advent of this anxiety disorder she enjoyed going to class, however, in my heart I've always desired a more family-friendly, whole-family-oriented church service.

The singing at this new church is a cappella in a blend of traditional and contemporary, which eliminates a lot of the haggling over church music and how loud it is or isn't. I don't have the voice for hymns and didn't grow up with them, but I do love hearing just voices at church. It sends a thrill somehow, to hear the love for Jesus coming through all the combined voices, whereas when the instruments are loud, you don't hear many voices. (Not that I don't enjoy the instruments; I do.)

I just pared down my nursery helper positions at my current church to one per month, plus a fifth week preschool teaching position, so we can't make any change quickly, and my husband will ultimately have to make the decision. The preaching is the most important element for him, so he would have to visit several times first and listen to some audio-sermons. One definite drawback is that this church is not close, but using the freeway may make it a twenty-minute drive one-way. Our current church is just down the street from us.

What are your favorite things about your own church? Is it family friendly?

Homeschool News

Peter read Strawberry Girl by Lois Lenski and really enjoyed it, especially the Christian conversion at the end. "Can someone so evil really become a Christian, Mommy?" Peter was glad to learn more about how strawberry plants grow and spread, and more about how a farmer can diversify his farm. Paul is still reading this novel.

Peter is in the middle of Preacher's Boy by Katherine Patterson and is really enjoying that also. I enjoyed it very much too, finishing it the day before Peter started it. I recommend it for boys--plenty of adventure and learning and maturing.

The main character doesn't ever really become an atheist, as the book jacket suggests. He just toys with the idea after hearing an extreme fire-and-brimstone sermon by a visiting preacher who suggests that the Lord may come back before the turn of the Century. The boy's father is very busy and preoccupied with his congregation and neglects his relationship with this young son. A lot of the boy's issues result from that neglect and from feeling unloved and unappreciated. I think this book is an important book for parents and pre-teens to discuss together, emphasizing the importance of communication in these formative and confusing years.

Lexile 860

Synopsis: A new century is fast approaching ... but will the year 1900 mean the end of the world, as some say? Robbie Hewitt isn't certain. What he does know is that he wants to get in as much living as possible between now and the new year, just in case — which includes running Mabel Cramm's bloomers up the flagpole on Decoration Day, and taking a ride in a real motorcar.

Robbie doesn't care that his antics leave his preacher father and the upstanding citizens of Leonardstown, Vermont, heartily unimpressed. But when his high spirits and hot temper entangle him in a scheme that damages far more than his father's reputation, Robbie must choose whether to take responsibility for his actions — a decision that holds the life of a man in the balance.

In a ruminative tale of a 10-year-old freethinker, set in a small Vermont town at the end of the 19th century, Robbie decides to become a heathen, a Unitarian, or a Democrat, whichever was most fun, because he ain't got the knack for holiness. As it turns out, he's not very good at sinning either, and he grows emotionally and morally when he begins to see the consequences of his actions.

A light school week: We had a light school week due to VBS. The children wrote in their journals and did their reading and math, and that's about it.

The very hungry caterpillar: They're very much enjoying "the very hungry caterpillar", which is a monarch caterpillar they've been feeding milkweed leaves. Today the caterpillar began a cocoon, after deciding that his eating and pooping frenzy was finally done. In two weeks, we'll have a monarch butterfly. None of us ever tire of this miracle and we watch it several times with several different caterpillars every year.

Trade books to share:

Big Jim and the White-Legged Moose by Jim Arnosky

Synopsis: A waggish ballard based on the artist's real-life encounter with an enormous bull moose. Rib-tickling illustrations and a lively read-aloud, sing-aloud rhyme will have everyone grabbing pencil and paper and heading for the woods to follow in Big Jim's footsteps. Music is included.

My comments: My girls and I sure enjoyed this and my son Paul attempted to play it on the piano. A lot of fun!

____________________________

 Goose Moon by Carolyn Arden

Synopsis: (School Library Journal) Tired of winter, a child asks her grandfather if it will ever be summer again. He replies that she must wait and watch for the Goose Moon, for when it shines the geese will come flying back, bringing summer on their wings. The girl patiently waits and notes the little signs of approaching spring, until at last Grandpa wakes her one night to see the bright round moon and the geese returning by its light. This quiet story, somewhat similar in tone to Jane Yolen's Owl Moon (Philomel, 1987), is complemented by oversized pages with luminous watercolors subtly suggesting the chill of winter and the comfortable warmth of home. The book paints a strong relationship between the protagonist and her grandfather, bound together by their love of nature as well as for one another.

My comments: The beauty of this story lies in the relationship between the girl and her grandfather, and in the depiction of the seasons on the farm. Really quiet and beautiful, with memorable illustrations.

_____________________________

(2013 published) The Market Bowl by Jim Averbeck

Synopsis: Yoyo has listened to Mama Cécile’s song about how to make ndolé (bitterleaf stew) her entire life—long enough to know how to make it herself, now that she is finally old enough. But slicing the bitterleaf, grinding the pumpkin, measuring out the shrimp—it just takes too long. Yoyo is confident that her variation on the stew will be good enough.
As Mama Cécile and Yoyo set off to market, Mama reminds Yoyo what will happen if she refuses a fair price for the stew—Brother Coin, the Great Spirit of the Market, will put a curse on their market bowl. When Yoyo refuses to heed Mama’s advice, she is faced with the task of trying to regain a blessing from the god himself.
An original folktale set in modern-day Cameroon, THE MARKET BOWL teaches readers a lesson about patience, humility, and the value of a fair price. Back matter includes further information about Cameroon and its people and traditions as well as a recipe for ndolé—Cameroon’s national food dish.

My comments: From the author's note: "Christian and Muslim traditions thrive side by side with a belief in ancestral spirits that guide and protect the local population". I think this is a beautiful, engaging, social studies book, but requires some explaining because of the different beliefs. Also, beware that the author/illustrator gave the little girl and her mother blue eyes, which offended two African families, according to some comments on Amazon. These families thought that blue eyes on Africans would be so rare, why use them in this book? Kids may not notice such a detail, but I feel badly that it did offend some families. 

I think it's important to read many multicultural books to our children to prevent them from developing prejudices. Talk about and explain whatever they don't understand because combating ignorance and fear is most of the battle. In the end, they will learn that human beings are far more alike one another than they are different, the world over.

Two Amazon reviews shown below for The Market Bowl:

1. Sadly, children's books with non-Caucasian protagonists are nearly nonexistent. The CCBC's latest count says that only around 3% of U. S. books feature black protagonists, though African Americans are 10% of the population. I can recommend this book for showing a strong, African female protagonist and for depicting modern Africa (Cameroon) with accurate details like cell towers, cellphones and ipods. The illustrations are gorgeous, especially the highly colorful and patterned clothing of the Cameroonian people.

2. Yoyo, the BLACK AFRICAN protagonist girl and her mother have Blue eyes?? Really Jim Averback?? Blue eyes?? I am the African mother of 2 beautiful African girls and I was once an African girl myself and we do not have blue eyes. Just giving us our own lovely dark eyes will suffice. Please NO BLUE EYES!!! We do not want or need them! Most humans, even white ones, do not have blue eyes, they have brown eyes. I can't figure out why the need for blue eyes on Africans.

________________________

(2014 Published) Julibee! One Man's Big, Bold, and Very, Very Loud Celebration of Peace by Alicia Potter

Synopsis: An exuberant picture book applauds the man behind the 1869 National Peace Jubilee, the largest and loudest concert the world had ever seen — or heard.

As a young boy growing up in Ireland, Patrick Sarsfield Gilmore loved music — the louder, the better! This love of music followed him to Boston in 1849, where he became a bandleader. During the brutal Civil War, it was music that kept up his spirits and those of his fellow soldiers. So when the war ended and peace was restored to the country, Patrick had an idea. He would create the biggest, boldest, loudest concert the world had ever known to celebrate. A peace jubilee! But with twelve cannons, forty church bells, one thousand musicians, and ten thousand singers, just how would all of this sound? Matt Tavares’s spirited illustrations burst with sound words in perfect harmony with Alicia Potter’s triumphant story of the joy of music.