wisdom on first time obedience from Sally Clarkson - grace!

I came across a link this morning on the folly of first time obedience training. I've had parenting spells in which I've tried first time obedience, usually following tough times with my kids, as you might recall if you've read here for very long.  Each time, I've abandoned it for many of the reasons Sally Clarkson mentions in her post, First time obedience, really?

Sally Clarkson writes very long posts and I don't usually have time to read them.  She's a stream-of-consciousness blogger.  I guess kind of like me? Ouch.  Only she has tons of wisdom to share!

Her post above is worth any time you can give it!  The post received 114 comments, which gives you some idea of the number who were blessed by it!

grace--are you good at it?

Are you good at grace?  Does it pour from you effortlessly?  Are you always satisfied with your responses to life...to your loved ones...to strangers?

I've seen grace pour readily from past and present sufferers--wrought from their intense suffering.  These sojourners are intimately acquainted with that low down feeling.......with powerlessness and emptiness.  When you're low down yourself, instead of giving advice, they just hold your hand...not assuming they could've done it better than you....or that mistakes brought your suffering.

I want to be like this--to acquire such gentleness--but I'm fearful of the intense suffering it entails.

Lord, may grace pour readily from me.  Help me be the face of Christ to those around me.  I haven't suffered cancer or the death of a living child I've held and nurtured and laughed with.  I haven't been betrayed.  I'm not a widow.  My kids don't have terminable diseases.  I am not starving or cold.

But I want to be grace-filled, grace-full.  May it be so, Lord.

I love this excerpt from Ann's book, One Thousand Gifts, A Dare to Live More Fully Right Where you Are (Ann Morton Voskamp, 2010, pp. 96-97)

     I awaken to the strange truth that all new life comes out of the dark places, and hasn't it always been?  Out of darkness, God spoke forth the teeming life.  That wheat round and ripe across all these fields, they swelled as hope embryos in womb of the black earth.  Out of the dark, tender life unfurled.  Out of my own inner pitch, six human beings emerged, new life, wet and fresh.
     All new life labors out of the very bowels of darkness.
     That fullest life itself dawns from nothing but Calvary darkness and tomb--cave black into the radiance of Easter morning.
     Out of the darkness of the cross, the world transfigures into new life.  And there is no other way.
     Then...yes:  It is dark suffering's umbilical cord that alone can untether new life.
     It is suffering that has the realest possibility to bear down and deliver grace.
And grace that chooses to bear the cross of suffering overcomes that suffering.

My favorite line:  "It is suffering that has the realest possibility to bear down and deliver grace."

We can't argue with that.  That's truth.


Lord, may we welcome suffering, and not fear it.  May we know the beauty birthed from it.

Saturday spiritual highlights

Saturday Gratitude

- Favorite quote from Saturday devotions, found in A Gospel Primer for Christians,  Learning to See the Glories of God's Love (Milton Vincent, 2008, p.54):

Understanding that I am not the ultimate end of the gospel, but rather that God's glory is, actually enables me to embrace my salvation more boldly than I would otherwise dare to do.  For example, when my timid heart questions why God would want to love one so sinful as I, I read the answer, "to the praise of the glory of His grace."  I figure, then, that my unworthiness must actually be useful to God, because it magnifies the degree to which His grace might be glorified as He lavishes His saving kindness upon me.  This line of reasoning makes perfect sense to me and convinces me to embrace the gospel with greater passion so that God might glorify Himself through me, an unworthy sinner.

Indeed, the more I embrace and experience the gospel, the more I delight in the worship of God, the more expressive my joy in Him becomes, and the more I yearn to glorify Him in all I say and do. 

- My Peter read the book of Jonah at the dinner table, without a single OCD-related stutter or repeat of words/phrases.  Momma proceeded to do the hallelujah dance.  How fitting that God healed it as Peter read from the Word.

- Nursing my toddler to sleep and watching her eyelids fall, long lashes resting against milky smooth skin.

- A perm from a very nice stylist in a salon where everybody had normal hair, which was quiet enough for me to read 2 more chapters from Ann's book.

- A 53-year-old stylist who shared my middle-age, wrinkling-skin angst. Like me, she doesn't feel any different and when she catches a glimpse of herself in a store or a random mirror, she questions who that person is.  "Surely that can't be me?"  I will be 45 in a few days, and I look 50.  I told her she'd taken very good care of herself--and obviously never resided in California--because at 53, she looked better than my impending 45.  She said that was nonsense.....and then I liked her even more.

- My handyman cousin is coming soon to size up some handyman projects that need to be done around here.  The dining-room light fixture is faulty, leaving us with too little light for school on dark, rainy days.

- Couch cuddling with my kiddos....something I'm making intentional nowadays.

- My Beth holding onto Goodnight Moon like it was a precious stuffed animal.

- A husband who let me sleep in, after at least ten wake-ups from my teething toddler.

- Whole-wheat flour shortcake with strawberries on top, tasting so wholesome.  Forgot to buy vanilla ice cream.....wishing we had an ice cream maker...hoping to find one at a garage sale this spring.

- The keyhole in the van is acting up, making it difficult to get it started lately.  I'm giving hard thanks for the way God uses that van to make it so clear that He is in control.

the stove wasn't the blessing

Our new oven range was delivered today!  Let's hear a hallelujah and an amen!

When we moved in only three burners worked and nothing on the hood worked.  Tonight, I cooked with a stove light and a fan!  It was so wonderful! I felt rich, people.  Positively rich.

The old one was so ready to go, that even the time and oven temperature display window was failing.  My children and I always had to guess what temperature we were up to, as we waited eons for the thing to preheat.

The delivery men were very nice.  They hauled our old one away and completely installed and tested the new gas range and hood.  And you know, I think they were very happy for me!

The best thing about the whole experience wasn't the new stove, however. It was my kids and what they taught me.  They loved the delivery guys and charmed them with their child-like excitement and innocence.  The two men learned--without even asking--all my kids' name and ages, their interests, their present and hoped-for pets, how they caught a pill bug and named him Zack, and how spring must be coming because we're seeing bugs and robins. And how we were probably going to use our barbecue grill this summer instead of our gas grill, because we wouldn't be able to afford propane.  (They remembered that we couldn't afford it last summer).

I wasn't bothered by anything the kids said, despite them telling the world we were relatively poor.  Instead, I was tearfully happy at their sweetness, their contagious joy, their intuitive feeling that these two guys were very nice.  One guy may have been a Christian, because he asked if I homeschooled and expressed a desire to do the same, if not for having to work.  They couldn't have been nicer guys and we were blessed to have their help and fellowship for an hour--especially since we aren't handy people and prefer not to deal with circuit breakers and gas lines.

It's not that I thought my kids were incapable of being charming, or that I worried about their social skills.

It's that I'm here every day with them, seeing them fail to flush and wash after toilet use, seeing them wipe food on their sleeves, seeing them walk on our off-white carpet with muddy boots, time and again, despite throw rugs.  I listen to whining, fighting, complaining.  I repeat, repeat, repeat, and then I repeat some more.

It's hard not to worry about why they repeat the same mistakes.  I wonder what we're doing wrong.  I brainstorm how we can parent better.

My conscientiousness makes me insufferable sometimes.  Conscientious people aren't exactly the relaxed type. I'm sure you know someone like me?  I admire my kids and know their strengths and celebrate them, but I also drown in frustration sometimes, at how hard it is moving them forward with maturity.

Their sweetness today, their charm, reminded me that God takes over when it matters.  Those guys enjoyed being here with my kids, despite my flawed mothering.  Despite my struggles to remain calm.  Despite my overly-conscientious ways.

I've had lots of reminders lately that without Him, we are nothing. God continually shows me that I can't do a good enough job at my work.  At my mothering.  At anything.  It's not that striving is bad.  Indeed, working to bless one's family is good.  But my striving can't crowd out Him.  He is my focus, my whole point.  He is my life.  The Marthas of the world--that's me-- need to learn this anew, every day.

Any frustration I feel is sin.  It's wanting my own way.  It's a refusal of His way, His timetable, His purpose.

God will provide for my kids.  They will be raised up for His purposes, not because of my efforts, but in spite of them.

How this releases me!  How their liveliness, their conversation, their charm, released me today.  I saw God in them, not because they are particularly godly, but because God wanted to shine through them.  Because God took over.  I witnessed God's power and sovereignty.  I witnessed my own insignificance.


After the kids went to sleep tonight, I read this in My Utmost For His Highest (Oswald Chambers, 1935) August 4th entry:

Oh, the bravery of God in trusting us!  Do you say, "But He has been unwise to choose me, because there is nothing good in me and I have no value"?  That is exactly why He chose you.  As long as you think that you are of value to Him He cannot choose you, because you have purposes of your own to serve.  But if you will allow Him to take you to the end of your own self-sufficiency, then He can choose you to go with Him "to Jerusalem" (Luke 18:31).  And that will mean the fulfillment of purposes which He does not discuss with you.

We tend to say that because a person has natural ability, he will make a good Christian.  It is not a matter of our equipment, but a matter of our poverty; not of what we bring with us, but of what God puts into us; not a matter of natural virtues, of strength of character, of knowledge, or of experience--all of that is of no avail in this concern. The only thing of value is being taken into the compelling purpose of God and being made His friends (see 1 Corinthians 1:26-31).  God's friendship is with people who know their poverty.  He can accomplish nothing with the person who thinks that he is of use to God.  As Christians we are not here for our own purpose at all--we are here for the purpose of God, and the two are not the same.  We do not know what God's compelling purpose is, but whatever happens, we must maintain our relationship with Him.  

I can rest so peacefully in that.  Can't you?  I can give thanks for, and count as gifts, all my troubles.  No matter that we've been underemployed for two years.  No matter that my son has heart wrenching difficulties.

My troubles impoverish me.  They take me to the end of my self-sufficiency.

And then it's just God and me.  No distractions.

Beautiful.

language learning in young children

If you want to pour the magic of books and language into your baby or toddler, you often have to run after her, much like you do to comb her hair. It can be very frustrating, and it's all too easy to just let it go.

We mustn't give up!  They need us to pursue them, in love and with humor, so that essential speaking, reading and writing skills are fostered through early language stimulation.  We commit to this not so we'll produce super-toddlers, but because normal development--reading by six or seven years old--requires that language stimulation start as early as baby and toddlerhood.

Most schools now push kids to read by the end of kindergarten, and I'm not supporting that here.  There's nothing wrong with it for many kids, but boys often need more time, without any pressure.

Most of our own toddlers have been so active, that reading anything at all presented a challenge.  We had to tweak traditional parent-child lap reading to make even one Goodnight Moon reading happen.

Here are some things we've tried, with success:

- read or sing in the car, with the toddler strapped in
- read or sing before, during or after meals, while the toddler is still in the highchair or booster
- read or sing standing next to the crib, so the toddler is free to move a bit in the crib
- try lap reading when toddler is somewhat drowsy, like before or after a nap

Put a basket of books on your table to remind you and your toddler of the fun you can have together.  Grab one while she eats her snacks and meals.  You can also insert Scripture memory index cards in there, for your older kids to work on before or after meals.

If you don't have a supply of board books, buy them at thrift stores and garage sales and use your local library.  Gather lots of books, learn an array of children's songs, and recite traditional nursery rhymes.  Sing and chant when you can't read.  Even if they're only partially listening, it still helps enormously.

If he wants the same book all day long for a month, read it cheerfully. Repetition is how we learn language, which is why so many books and songs for young children feature repeating parts or patterns, such as "Run, run, as fast as you can.  You can't catch me, I'm the gingerbread man!" 


What to gather for babies:

- books that feature pictures to point to and name, like ABC and first-word books (they need to learn the names of all the things in their environment, names of animals, etc.)

- simple lift-the-flap books

- touch and feel books

- simple sing-song rhyme books

- simple nursery rhyme books

What to gather for toddlers and preschoolers:

- pattern books with simple sentences that encourage participation (Brown bear, brown bear, what do you see?)

- repetitive books/songs (This is the House That Jack Built, The Jacket I Wear in the Snow, The Green Grass Grows All Around)

- lots of rhyming books (rhyming can take a few years to master--not as easy as we adults think--but it's essential to beginning reading)

- Dr. Seuss and other books that play with phonics and rhyme (hook, book, crook)

- books with simple plots (preschoolers)

- fairy tales (preschoolers)

- concept books (shapes, colors, numbers, ABC, opposites)

Other media for alphabet learning:

- Leapfrog Fridge Phonics (magnetic letter names and sounds, electronic and fun!) - visual, auditory, tactile

- Richard Scarry's Best ABC Video Ever (or DVD?) (visual and auditory learners)

- Leapfrog Letter Factory Video or DVD (visual and auditory learners)

- wood alphabet puzzles (tactile and visual learners, could be auditory if you say each letter and picture)

A note on speech and language issues:  Keep in mind that age at first speaking is not necessarily indicative of your parenting skills.  Heredity plays a part in language development also.  We've worked hard on language, but we're a family of early walkers, later talkers.  In addition, all my kids have needed assistance with articulating certain sounds, such as the th. I'm currently helping my four-year-old articulate (produce in the mouth) the w, r, and th sounds.  My two-year-old talks plenty, but we understand less than half.  She may need the most help with articulation.

Receptive language refers to how much your child understands, and is more of an indicator of potential problems.  

If receptive language is delayed, a speech pathologist must determine why your child doesn't know more language.  Is the problem a lack of language stimulation dating back to babyhood?  In that case a therapist must work to fill your child with language as quickly as possible.  Or, the problem may be related to a processing disorder--what happens once the language is received by the brain, for example.

Indicators of receptive language are:

- how many words does she know the meaning of

- how many objects can she point to in books (at your prompting)

- how much conversation can she understand and follow

- how many commands can she follow

Expressive language refers to what your child can say, and how well she can produce speech sounds:

- can she ask for what she needs

- can she use two-word phrases by age two

- how well does she articulate (produce in the mouth) what she wants to say

- at age two, a stranger should understand 1/2 of what your child says, without context

- at age three, a stranger should understand 3/4 of what your child says, without context

- at age four, a stranger should understand 4/4 (or everything) your child says, without context

- a speech therapist can determine whether a problem with a certain sound is just developmental--will correct on its own--or whether weekly speech therapy, and corresponding homework, will be needed.  It depends on what the problem is within the mouth, pertaining to the particular sound.   Articulation issues--in the absence of overall language problems--are usually corrected in six months to two years with once a week, short meetings with a therapist, and homework at home.  Articulation problems on their own do not indicate any disorders.

- your school district will evaluate your child and offer services, if needed, starting at age three.  You will need to drive your child to a neighborhood school for the services.

Every child has an individual developmental timetable.  My husband's nephew didn't say a word until age 3, but never needed any speech assistance.  My brother's son was the same--nothing until age 3, and then sentences.  Many famous people didn't talk until far later than average.

All children are different, and it's easy to be alarmed by warning signs that seem to apply to your child.  For example, my Mary didn't say much until 27 months old.  I had her evaluated and was told she had apraxia of speech (fairly serious neuro/motor issue).  I researched it and didn't agree, and I declined speech services for her. She spoke in sentences six weeks later.  Research, but then follow your instincts, is my best advice.