Saturday, February 11, 2012

A Mother Muses



~ I love February for the hours spent creating--Valentines, heart cookies, cakes, funny poems, memories.


~ Every night lately the girls want to hear Salty Dog, by Gloria Rand. It's a long read and we're not quite sure what they love about it, except that the main character? A dog. Kids love dog books. Period. They don't have to be especially unique or cute, although that helps. 

It also provides schemata on sailing, which presents a new world for them. 

Front Cover

We will have to get a dog in the next couple years. Our kids will never forgive us otherwise; dog ownership never strays far from Peter's mind, especially. When he turned five we told him we'd get a dog when he turned ten. That seemed so far off and we thought surely we'd be ready, but now we have to consider the cost of dog food and health care. Smaller dogs eat less food, so we'll settle on something naturally small, but not too foo-fooish. It must have life and love fetching. No pampering some pink-bowed pooch around here! (Not that there's anything wrong with that...in case you have one in your arms right now.)

It's an understatement to say we're not house-pet parents. Cages? Okay, I guess; the hamster only got loose once. But a loose running animal? Shudder. The idea haunts our over-worked bones.

Like our Heavenly Father, however, we love to give good gift to our children. We're mentally preparing for a huge dose of sacrificial loving, as soon as our youngest can treat a pooch humanely. I think that means she'll allow the poor thing some occasional peace? I'm not sure you can have an entirely outdoor dog in northeast Ohio, especially without a garage. Just the muddy paws stretch my sacrificial parenting commitment. 

Tell me there's a special halo in Heaven for mothers who say yes to this childhood obsession? 

I do admit that the love between a child and a dog--the theme for many a famous novels--warms my softest places. It's a conspiracy, these books. All penned by adults who slept with their dogs all through childhood, no doubt. 

Dog hair and dander and E. Coli germs, oh my!



I caught her "reading" Salty Dog on her own. Upside down. That blessed me so! I had to rush to get a picture before she looked up.




~ Two brothers. Their relationship? Far from perfect, but blessed nonetheless. I do everything I can to make sure it lasts forever.

These two started writing e-mails to each other the other day, mostly so they'd both receive more e-mail. I suggested they express love and caring in their letters. Peter bullies Paul regularly, arising from academic and behavioral jealousy, and a lack of impulse control. The air needs to be cleared daily between them. Paul needs to know why Peter finds his brother special, and vice versa. In the first letter they listed four things they love about one another.

An hour or so later, I saw them sitting like this. When I suggested Peter sit in the adjoining chair so he'd be more comfortable, he declined. That blessed me so.

Dear Lord, you are so faithful to mothers! 


The scene changed about thirty minutes later, when Peter got to the saddest part of Where The Red Fern Grows.




My heart skipped when Peter walked up to me, crying hard. I noticed the book in his hand. All he could manage was this: "His dog died, Mommy." He sobbed and sobbed, just like the main character in the novel. He couldn't bring himself to finish the last several pages.

I held him and finished the novel through my own tears. Was it attachment to the characters that started the flood in my own eyes? Not necessarily. Seeing my son overcome with such grief hurt deeply. I felt exactly like the mother in the story. She watched her son grieve from the depths of his heart. Through her own tears she offered that the Lord has reasons for everything. The boy's heart, broken, couldn't accept that answer just then.

I knew finishing it would provide some closure for Peter, and for the heartbroken boy. The Lord did have a reason; the author weaved one into the story.

And the ending? It satisfied and amazed.

My children will face many trials and sorrows in the years to come. A mother's heart hurts sharply all the while! We can only hold them, cry with them, and remind them of the Truth.

A reason for everything? Yes. He uses everything.

And in the end? It's all for our good and His glory.


Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.


When a daughter or son looses a child, or a spouse, or a home, these words won't provide any more comfort than they did for the boy in the story. But as each sorrow unfolds and begins to hurt less, they'll see

In the meantime we hold, we cry with them, and we remind them of His love, remembering that His grace rests on them in ways we can't immediately understand. We trust in His grace for their darkest moments.

When you see your own child suffering, you understand better how our Heavenly Father feels when He sees us suffering. He suffers with us.

Friday, February 10, 2012

Purple Towels And Princesses



A gift certificate to spend, Mary tells us on the way to the library:

"I'm getting princess things so I can wear them to AWANA. I want to be a princess when I grow up and you have to dress like what you want to be."

Peter tries to change her mind, hoping she'll pick something at Toys R Us that all the siblings can enjoy together.

Peter:  "Mary. You can't be a princess. We're not a royal family. "


Mommy:  "We're not a royal family? Oh.  I thought we were. We have purple towels, you know."


Peter, exasperated:  "Mommy!"


Paul:  "Yeah, Mary. There's no such thing as royalty in America. You can't be a princess here."


Mary:  "Yes, I can."


Beth:  "I want a princess dress too!"  


Peter:  "You have to have a father and mother that are King and Queen, to be a princess. We don't have Kings and Queens here."


Mary:  "You guys are hurting my feelings."  


Mommy:  "Mary, when you get married, your husband will think you are his princess. And in God's eyes too; we are all his favorites, like princesses and princes in a way, because He is our King. And of course, you'll always be my little princess.


The van falls quiet for a few minutes. I vow to remember this conversation always, like so many we have in the van. Life is lived in the journey, not the destination.

I love journeying with this bunch.

Peter:  "Well, if she plays princess, can I pretend to be a prince?"

Mommy:  "Sure you can."


My sweet Peter has a foot in both worlds--childhood and adulthood. On the one hand, he thinks more like a grown-up now: if there's no royalty in America, then his sister can't be a princess. But a big part of him still loves fantasy and pretending. He'll come up with some grand scheme for all the siblings to be part of a royal court. They'll have a enchanted time, just as siblings ought to.

He's my imaginative one. I pray when he grows up, he'll be able to slip easily into an enchanted world.


With his own children.


I mourn the loss of play in my own life. I've fallen for adulthood. Fully.

Father, may my children never stop dreaming. May they always feel the possibilities.

photo source

Thursday, February 9, 2012

A Few Big Blessings

~ My sweet Mary, excited after exchanging Valentines at AWANA, talked long last night in bed. She whispered in my ear, so as not to awaken little sister: "We're supposed to wear clothes next week for what we want to be when we grow up. I want to be a princess when I grow up, Mommy, so I'm going to wear my princess dress." Oh, the sweetness of a five-year-old whispering that in my ear. My heart wanted to bow down at the Lord's feet right there, thanking him for my two daughters--conceived when I was 40 and 42 years old. They have a wrinkled Mommy, but she's an incredibly grateful wrinkled Mommy.

~ Peter received his Time Tales DVD two weeks ago, and he's progressed more in multiplication in that time than in the previous year and a half. I can't recommend this program enough for memorizing the more difficult multiplication facts http://www.triggermemorysystem.com/. The student learns a few simple stories and recalls those stories when faced with a multiplication fact. The numbers become the characters in the story. For example, 9 is a tree, 4 is a chair, 3 is butterfly, etc. At first, to the parent, it might seem too simple and a waste of money ($40), but the child soaks up the mnemonic devices quickly and learns the facts in no time. Praise God for this resource, created by two moms!

The Lord patiently reminded me that every child can learn; it's just a matter of finding the right method. This philosophy has been mine all along, but the more Peter struggled and raged, the more I began to lose faith. God was faithful to lead me to the right source and provide the money.

Homeschooling blesses all involved, no matter how hard individual days might seem. Just like any aspect of parenting, we are incapable on our own, but with His strength, wisdom, and blessing, our imperfect efforts bear much fruit. No one cares more about your child's spiritual walk, heart, or success, than you do. The pull of your heart toward your child drives you to give up your own way quickly, seeking Him for answers. All blessings flow from seeking Him. The less we challenge ourselves, the less we seek Him.

There are many reasons to say no to homeschooling, but don't let insecurity be one of them! Our insecurity is a sign that our eyes are on ourselves, rather than on Him.

~ Peter's AWANA verse teacher told Peter that he was missed last week. My kids were all absent due to Mary's illness; she was too nauseous to ride in the car. Peter smiled shyly as he told us. I felt so blessed I had to plant kisses on that soft cheek. Praise God for a ten-year-old who still lets me plant kisses! And praise God for loving AWANA helpers.

~ Paul said that one girl, Loralee, really loved the foamy Valentine he'd designed. She told him she would use it as a Christmas ornament every year, remembering that he gave it to her. No romanticism here, just one child showing appreciation for another. He really worked hard on his Valentines and they were very special. "They all liked the Valentines, Mommy. I didn't know they liked me so much. I thought I was just normal, like everyone else." Praise God for little Loralee, who made my boy feel so special. He will remember that his hard work blessed; he' ll remember that it feels great to be a blessing.

The power of Love, expressed through words and action, always amazes. For another testimony to the power of Love, read this: http://blog.compassion.com/equipped-for-the-future-from-cry-baby-to-respected-leader/

~ Daddy gets home at 7:00 PM and we're alone with Beth for an hour on AWANA night, before he leaves to pick up the others and I put Beth to bed. That time blesses all three of us. She soaks up the extra parental love and attention, charming and blessing Mommy and Daddy. Her daddy is such a treasure to her!

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Loving Difficult People

Romans 5:8
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.


Do you ever think of this verse when a child tries your patience?

Every mother deals with a difficult child at times, especially in the toddler, preschool, pre-teen, and teen years. I have three impulse-normal children who occasionally misbehave, and a fourth who sends me to my knees daily. A lot of space could be wasted here explaining how irritating and relentless ADHD children can be, but that still wouldn't put you in my shoes. I keep most of the ugliness unpublished, choosing instead to highlight his heart--a heart that blesses me tremendously.

Yesterday Peter did a myriad of irritating things. Around 4 PM he came in with snowboots on, tracking thick mud from the garden area, all over the entryway and all the way down the hall. 

Already emotionally exhausted, I let loose:

"I don't understand how you could do such a thing! Even my three- and five-year-olds know better! When can I count on you to use your head? What. is. the. matter. with. you?!

After my shameful display of indignation, I gave him a damp towel and the Resolve carpet cleaner.

Then, heart pounding, I escaped to my room and locked the door. Incredibly convicted, I slumped to the floor.

How can I do this, Father? He can be so unlovable, so irritating. How can anyone do this? How can my words be love- and mercy-filled, despite so many days full of this and worse?

His lack of impulse control continues to be a serious matter. He knew he would mess up the carpet, certainly. But without proper impulse control, he can't quickly change his course. He had a question he wanted answered and that's all he could focus on at that moment--finding me and getting his answer.

He doesn't set out to irritate me, or to disappoint me. That's not his heart at all.

And yet he does irritate and induce stress for all of us, sometimes for hours a day. The smallest things set him off.

I see his sweet heart, his imagination, his unique gifts. I feel the blessing of him. But so often it's as easy to despise him as love him.

As I pleaded, God put this verse in my head...while we were sinners, Christ died for us. He encouraged me to handle Peter by rephrasing this same verse: 

While he tracked in mud, Christ died for him. 
While he bullied his brother, Christ died for him.
While he made his sister cry, Christ died for him.
While he stomped around and raged, Christ died for him.
While he fought me over school, Christ died for him.
While he asked the same question relentlessly, Christ died for him.
While he stole my peace, Christ died for him.

Jesus didn't want to suffer and be abandoned on that cross, anymore than I want to raise a difficult child. 

We can't extend grace and mercy toward difficult people, unless we view them as Jesus does. When we look through our own flawed lens, of course they don't deserve our love. They deserve our condemnation. Our wrath. For they steal our peace, our time, and in some cases, our health. 

We all have difficult people placed strategically in our lives.

We are called to take the cup, as Jesus did. I can pound my fists all I want, but the thing is, Peter is here to sanctify me

We need to pray thus:

Lord, help me to love as you do. While we were sinners, you died for us. Help me to die to myself and be a grace-filled lover. Thank you for placing _________ in my life to sanctify me. Help me to give up my anger and indignation, and instead, to heap blessings (grace gifts) onto ____________. 

In your name I pray, Amen.

And God, thank you for chocolate and may I not run out of it.

If you live with an abuser, you're not called to stay. Get to safety. If you live with a drug- or alcohol-addicted person, you're not called to enable. If you live with a misbehaving child, you're not called to give up on discipline.

We must discipline in love, with grace-filled words, rather than with angry, insulting words. We must forgive, letting go of tight-fisted anger because it poisons our relationship with God and prevents us from loving our neighbor. 

John 13:34
A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.



Ephesians 4:32
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

photo credit

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

A Child's Prayers




I asked the children to update their prayer jars this morning. Few things bless me more than their prayers.

The last time we updated their jars, Peter put in a prayer asking God to provide money for us to visit our Compassion children. It surfaced a few weeks after I told the boys a story from the Compassion blog, detailing one sponsor's visit. We kept praying it all these weeks, and then yesterday we got a Compassion e-mail telling us that an El Salvador sponsor trip is scheduled for October, 2012, costing $2,650 per person for the entire 7-day trip. It could be just a coincidence, but we all wonder what God is up to. Could we be so blessed? It would take a miracle for even one of us to go, but we know He is big enough. May it be so, Lord!

We recently received a pamphlet telling us more about Nelson, our 7-year-old child who lives in El Salvador. Gangs and violence are a major problem where he lives, and many children fall into this lifestyle in exchange for regular meals. Nelson has no father in his life, so it would be such a blessing for my husband to go and speak Life and Love into Nelson's heart.

A child's prayers come straight from the Holy Spirit. I strongly believe this!

Peter

- That animals will come to my shelter (he made a lean-to with wood boards so birds, squirrels, and chipmunks can get out of the rain and snow).

- That Joey at AWANA will become a Christian.

- Bless the church teachers and keep them from getting sick.

- That my leaves will make compost quickly.

- For Jayden's father to be a good Christian father.

- Please help Matt and his family find a church they are comfortable with.

Mary


- Please help Raphael to have good meals and have a good night's sleep with no bad dreams.

- Please help Divya to have nice dreams and wake up to a lovely morning and have a bow for her hair.

- Please help Nelson to have a nice bed and a TV to watch movies and enough food until we can visit them.

- Please help Divya, Raphael, and Nelson to become Christians and know Jesus.

- Please help them to have a nice house with lights.

Paul


- For discernment for our family member and for her boyfriend to become a Christian

- For the AWANA father with the unsafe job to come home safely every night.

- For Jayden to stop using the computer late into the night and for his Dad to stop too. (A little boy at AWANA told Paul that he and his dad were playing a computer game until 2 in the morning. The mother was very mad at the father about it. I don't know if our boys completely understood the tragedy in this, but husband and me found it profoundly sad. Computer-game addiction is very powerful for those involved. We are losing a lot of good men to it.)

- Please bless the new Pastor at the AWANA church. Bless his ministry.

Children have so much to teach us! I pray that we mothers, despite floors needing sweeping and laundry needing folding, stop to really know their hearts--to speak life and love into them. It feels good when laundry's caught up, but what could be better than a child's heart seeking Him? There's no comparing that joy to anything. We must daily die to ourselves to separate the eternal from the temporal.

God has us in our homes all day not to be housekeepers, but to be heartkeepers.

photo credit