Loving Difficult People

Romans 5:8
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Do you ever think of this verse when a child tries your patience?

Every mother deals with a difficult child at times, especially in the toddler, preschool, pre-teen, and teen years. I have three impulse-normal children who occasionally misbehave, and a fourth who sends me to my knees daily. A lot of space could be wasted here explaining how irritating and relentless ADHD children can be, but that still wouldn't put you in my shoes. I keep most of the ugliness unpublished, choosing instead to highlight his heart--a heart that blesses me tremendously.

Yesterday Peter did a myriad of irritating things. Around 4 PM he came in with snowboots on, tracking thick mud from the garden area, all over the entryway and all the way down the hall. 

Already emotionally exhausted, I let loose:

"I don't understand how you could do such a thing! Even my three- and five-year-olds know better! When can I count on you to use your head? What. is. the. matter. with. you?!

After my shameful display of indignation, I gave him a damp towel and the Resolve carpet cleaner.

Then, heart pounding, I escaped to my room and locked the door. Incredibly convicted, I slumped to the floor.

How can I do this, Father? He can be so unlovable, so irritating. How can anyone do this? How can my words be love- and mercy-filled, despite so many days full of this and worse?

His lack of impulse control continues to be a serious matter. He knew he would mess up the carpet, certainly. But without proper impulse control, he can't quickly change his course. He had a question he wanted answered and that's all he could focus on at that moment--finding me and getting his answer.

He doesn't set out to irritate me, or to disappoint me. That's not his heart at all.

And yet he does irritate and induce stress for all of us, sometimes for hours a day. The smallest things set him off.

I see his sweet heart, his imagination, his unique gifts. I feel the blessing of him. But so often it's as easy to despise him as love him.

As I pleaded, God put this verse in my head...while we were sinners, Christ died for us. He encouraged me to handle Peter by rephrasing this same verse: 

While he tracked in mud, Christ died for him. 

While he bullied his brother, Christ died for him.

While he made his sister cry, Christ died for him.

While he stomped around and raged, Christ died for him.

While he fought me over school, Christ died for him.

While he asked the same question relentlessly, Christ died for him.

While he stole my peace, Christ died for him.

Jesus didn't want to suffer and be abandoned on that cross, anymore than I want to raise a difficult child. 

We can't extend grace and mercy toward difficult people, unless we view them as Jesus does. When we look through our own flawed lens, of course they don't deserve our love. They deserve our condemnation. Our wrath. For they steal our peace, our time, and in some cases, our health. 

We all have difficult people placed strategically in our lives.

We are called to take the cup, as Jesus did. I can pound my fists all I want, but the thing is, Peter is here to sanctify me. 

We need to pray thus:

Lord, help me to love as you do. While we were sinners, you died for us. Help me to die to myself and be a grace-filled lover. Thank you for placing _________ in my life to sanctify me. Help me to give up my anger and indignation, and instead, to heap blessings (grace gifts) onto ____________. 

In your name I pray, Amen.

And God, thank you for chocolate and may I not run out of it.

If you live with an abuser, you're not called to stay. Get to safety. If you live with a drug- or alcohol-addicted person, you're not called to enable. If you live with a misbehaving child, you're not called to give up on discipline.

We must discipline in love, with grace-filled words, rather than with angry, insulting words. We must forgive, letting go of tight-fisted anger because it poisons our relationship with God and prevents us from loving our neighbor. 

John 13:34
A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.


Ephesians 4:32
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

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