Pink Lines: A Piece of Heaven

Note to Terra: I read your comment about Chelsea and Peter and Beth. Thank you!. I'm having trouble getting into and replying to e-mails on both my accounts, but especially on the one attached to the blog. I think these computers are just too old now.

I remember the bursting joy at the pink line. I remember the tears and the gratitude and the wonder. In my mind nothing compares, other than birth itself, to that explosion of goodness.

I remember losing Isaac at 21 weeks and the grief that swallowed me afterwards. Only Peter's pregnancy confirmed five months later saved me. Waiting those months felt like an eternity and when I finally let go of my obsessive desire and let God have his way, it happened.

Another pink line, this time welcomed with different tears. Tears that spilled gratitude and grief woven together in a tight braid of saving grace.

Yes, I lost two babies (at ages 34 and 39,) and had two surprise babies at ages 40 and 42. When Beth's pregnancy was confirmed I didn't immediately let myself bathe in the joy because at age 42, I listened to the world. I felt too old and wrinkled and everyone around me did not feel a new pregnancy was a blessing. My pregnancies were always high risk, for one thing.

But as I leaned into Him I knew and experienced the miracle and the blessing. If it were not for my husband's vasectomy I would have kept going beyond age 42, trusting Him with my family size. The more babes I had in my arms the more I knew: this is the most sanctifying existence a woman can hope for. And the more you have to stretch, the more sanctifying it is. Infertility is equally as sanctifying--perhaps even more so.

Having two babies I didn't expect did soften the wounds from two miscarriages. Not erase, but significantly soften and for that I'm forever grateful. My friend Tesha lost precious Jonathan last January 24th, at 20 weeks gestation. May I ask for prayer that God will bless them with more babies? So few hearts are willing to keep loving and sacrificing and being inconvenienced. This family has so much love to give and my heart wants many more for them, especially to soften the pain from Jonathan's passing. Of course Jonathan can never be replaced, but a sibling to receive Momma's love right now would be so beautiful and healing.  They are ready to accept God's will for their fertility; they're brave and faithful. Endometriosis has been confirmed and treatment will probably be necessary, so hope is on hold for a time.

Please pray, for this is so hard for Jonathan's Momma? No matter that she already has five children she's raising. Each loss is still felt in the depths of the soul, no matter how many children run around the house. We can't ever say, "At least you have five others" and expect that to be understood by the grieving Momma. A baby lost is hands-on-love on hold and the hurt is unspeakably deep.

One of the AWANA teachers we know, a young mom of four, is sixteen weeks along with her fifth child. To me that was the happiest of news. I expressed congratulations and joy for her. Her husband is a pastor without a pastoral job right now, though he's looking for another. He's supporting his family working at Rubbermaid and dreams linger in the air. Finances are probably tight as well, but this family? They trust Him. Their faith is grander than their bank account and the economic forecast. Grander than cold and flu season and sleepless nights with many littles. Their faith is grander than kiddy chaos and messy floors and no time to themselves. Grander than wrinkled mommy tummies and varicose veins and breasts that fall and hips that widen.

Love and embrace that new body, as you thank the Lord who graciously blessed you.

When we trust him with our family size we're confirming for the world: God is good. Whatever grief each pink-line journey brings, God is good. If Down Syndrome surprises on birth day, God is still good.

As more and more Down Syndrome babies are aborted (it's about 90%), these special children will disappear and the loss will be felt in our world. Each baby, each life, has value and something to teach and God is always good. Always wise.

Another teacher, hearing the pink-line news, said hesitantly, "And is that good news?" It wouldn't have been good news to her and she said so. She wanted to ask first before congratulating this expectant mother. That just saddened me, and I don't really know why because I know motherhood is different for everyone. I can't expect everyone to feel exceeding joy and the Lord can be served in a myriad of ways, not only through motherhood.

But when I meet a woman who gets it, I want to hug her and tell her: "Thank you for understanding God's heart as concerns babies and children. Thank you for being a vessel of faith for His will. Thank you for seeing each life as a miracle and a blessing."

Thank you for shouting to the world through the power of your womb and your loving arms: 

God is good.

Note: If anyone out there is hoping for a pink line and waiting and waiting, please ask for prayer? I will be faithful to keep asking Him for you. You can leave a comment that won't be published.

Psalm 127:3-5 Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

Psalm 139:13-16
For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

John 16:21 When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world.

Numbers 6:24-26
The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace.

Malachi 2:15

Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth.

3 John 1:4
I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.

Psalm 100:1-4

A Psalm for giving thanks. Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth! Serve the Lord with gladness! Come into his presence with singing! Know that the Lord, he is God! It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise! Give thanks to him; bless his name! For the Lord is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations.

1 Timothy 2:15

Yet she will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith and love and holiness, with self-control.

David's Sin With Bathsheba: A Broken, Contrite Spirit, Part 4

We've been studying David's sin with Bathsheba and while I've written it, God's taken me on a journey, as he so often does when I sit down to write about the Word. I've changed the title to better reflect that journey.

My first words in this series were typed with a heavy heart. I'd received a hurtful e-mail from a family member, toward whom I could not allow my heart to harden. More than anything I want this person saved.

Outside of prayer for God to perform a miraculous work of grace in her life, I only have loving kindness to offer toward her salvation. I can't save her, but I can let Jesus shine through me and I can hope. I can pray with faith.

God's voice was clear in what I had to do. "Do not harden your heart."

My response was a weary whine: "But how, God, when she keeps hurting me? I'm so weary of the hurt I'm ready to walk away."

When God directed me to study David and Bathsheba, I puzzled.

"Why that story?"

Even after three posts on this, I still wasn't sure how to tie it all together, but I knew that David's Psalm of repentance (Psalm 51) was key. What am I supposed to take away from that Psalm? Why did God have David write it?

Immediately in the story, after David confessed that he'd sinned against God, we read that God forgave him.


Then David said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the LORD.” 2 Samuel 12:13a

And Nathan said to David, “The LORD also has taken away your sin; you shall not die.” 2 Samuel 12:13b

It's worth noting here that while God did forgive David, there were still dire consequences to David's sin, carried out by God. The newborn son born to Bathsheba died, shaming the couple (a baby son's death was considered a punishment from the Lord), and the sword never left David's house. David had a myriad of problems controlling his children later on, and one of his sons ended up killing his brother.

However, David and Bathsheba enjoyed a mutually good, close marriage. Bathsheba had every reason to hate David forever. Uriah was a good, faithful, honorable husband to Bathsheba and she loved him. Uriah wouldn't have brought shame on her the way David had done. If there was ever a hopeless marriage, this was it, but God redeemed it. Beauty from ashes. Bathsheba was David's favorite wife and God honored their union later on with the birth of Solomon.

Let's unpack some of this Psalm, which is shown in blue.

Psalm 51:
Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. 

David knew God's promise from Exodus 34:6-7

Exodus 34:6–7: “The Lord, the Lord, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty.”

David knew that some would be forgiven, and others would not. He could only throw himself on the mercy of God, begging for his life. We have knowledge David didn't have. Christ on the cross, dying in our place. Cleansing us. But even though we know we'll be forgiven, we need to throw ourselves in humility at the foot of the cross, acknowledging sin, and asking for forgiveness and cleansing. This is the spirit God wants from us. A broken one, going to Him in desperation, knowing we cannot save ourselves.

Here's where the lesson gets personal for me, in regards to my pain over the hurtful e-mail. I need the cross as much as my relative does. Every day I need the cross, not just the first time I embraced it. I'm no better than an unsaved person and to allow my heart to harden at someone else's sin? That's ugly pride, not a broken and contrite spirit. I deserve death, as David did. 

But Christ.

We can avoid a hardened heart when we understand the magnitude of what we've been given. We deserve to be one of those in eternal hell, but God saved us.

This whole Psalm is beautiful because David doesn't take God's mercy for granted, as we New Testament Christians can easily do. 

Psalm 51, cont.

Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin! For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me. Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you may be justified in your words and blameless in your judgment. 

All sin is against God, first and foremost. Sin is a belittling attack on God.

Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me. Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart. Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that you have broken rejoice. Hide your face from my sins, and blot out all my iniquities. Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit. “Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will return to you. Deliver me from blood guiltiness, O God, O God of my salvation, and my tongue will sing aloud of your righteousness. O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise. 

For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it; you will not be pleased with a burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. (emphasis mine)

We know from the bold blue verses that David understands this: God has broken him. Broken his spirit. Made him poor in spirit, in fact, as we read in the Beatitudes. Matthew 5:3 "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 

God loves the poor in spirit. We read it here, too: Isaiah 66:2 Has not my hand made all these things, and so they came into being?" declares the LORD. "This is the one I esteem: he who is humble and contrite in spirit, and trembles at my word.

And here too: Revelation 3:17 You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. (emphasis mine)

 

Do good to Zion in your good pleasure; build up the walls of Jerusalem; then will you delight in right sacrifices, in burnt offerings and whole burnt offerings; then bulls will be offered on your altar.

I want to close this study with some words from John Piper:

Being a Christian means being broken and contrite. Don’t make the mistake of thinking you get beyond this in this life. It marks the life of God’s happy children till they die. We are broken and contrite all the way home—unless sin gets the proud upper hand. Being broken and contrite is not against joy and praise and witness. It’s the flavor of Christian joy and praise and witness.

A broken and contrite spirit should be the flavor of our lives, then. When we grasp this, when we live this Psalm everyday, we begin to resemble the unstained bride God wants for His church.

 Ephesians 5:27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

This is foundational: The Lord does all the work to make us holy and blameless. We are desperate at the foot of the cross, unable to save or better ourselves. We are sinful, vile, spiritually dead, but he forgives us, fills us, and remakes us. Wow!

Let's not lose our awe, our thankfulness, or our tears over his mercy and grace toward us. 

2 Things For Wives to Remember

He leaves our home at 7:00 AM and returns at 7:00 PM. A lifetime is lived in the hours he's gone, or so it seems.

I have a confession to make. Sometimes I forget my husband. Yes, you read that right.

I forget him.

I'm with him so little each day and so much life is lived without him, that it's easy to forget. I'm grateful for him and I love him fiercely, but I think I expect him to take care of himself, mostly.

Now don't get me wrong. I do make sure he has clean socks and underwear and something neat and clean to put on, and I cook every night for him, though he sometimes cooks on the weekends.

The Lord spoke to me recently about this forgetting my husband. It's a sin of omission. I'm supposed to be his helpmate, not take him for granted.

Genesis 2:18 Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” 

Ecclesiastes 4:11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?

Ecclesiastes 4:12 Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

God didn't want Adam to be alone. There are men like the Apostle Paul who have the gift of singleness, but this is rare. God decided Adam would need fellowship, help, and love, in addition to what God himself provides. A wife is the other half of her husband. Not the better half, but the missing half, and vice versa. 

Where your husband is weak, you are strong. Where you are weak, your husband is strong. He was uniquely chosen for you and you for him.

In the first years after marriage, couples usually remain close. But that season doesn't last forever and the married-with-children season presents multiple challenges to what God designed, especially in this modern culture with male and female roles terribly skewed.

Stress and hard work at home can pull us apart, especially in the absence of community and extended family. If we're somehow disappointed with our husband--every wife is at some point in a long marriage--we need to remember that a hardened heart is sin. It's a wife's responsibility to keep her heart soft toward her husband.

Love keeps no record of wrongs and it endures all things. It hopes. A hardened heart is not hope, but a sign of defeat. A sign that Satan is gaining ground.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

My marriage is not in shambles and yours probably isn't either, but in this new year, let's evaluate our role as wives. How are we doing? Do we take that role as seriously as our motherly role? Do we meet our children's needs but neglect our husband's? 

If you have a lot of children or if you have young, still-needy children, chances are there's not enough of you to go around, especially during cold and flu season.

It may seem like your husband only wants physical relations with you, but in truth, he wants more. That's just what gets voiced first. That's the need that screams loudest in his life.

Let's stop committing sins of omission in our role as wife. Let's remember our husbands starting with two simple steps. 

1. Pray for Him

Let's pray for our husbands throughout the day, using a sticky note as reminder if necessary. Praying is a powerful way to mend a broken relationship and strengthen a healthy one. 

Most importantly, when we pray our own sins surface. Our hardened heart is revealed. God first wants us right with Him, and then with our fellow man. We don't pray for people just because they need it. This heart stance lacks humility and goes before our fall. Pride goeth before the fall. 

We pray first because we need it, and then because everyone else needs it. We are first a child of God, then a wife and mother, etc.

Pray that your husband:

~  will grow closer to God by studying the Bible and praying.

~ will have a mature Christian male influence in his life for accountability.

~ will take his role as spiritual leader seriously (if he didn't have a father like this himself, he especially needs a Christian male in his life to teach him and encourage him).

~ will love you as Christ loved the church.

~ will recognize spiritual and emotional emptiness in his soul and fill it up with God, not with the world.

~ will recognize the Satanic snare of pornography and other sexual sin. This is rampant in our culture and without our prayers, our husbands will fall. This article describes how this is sin, not disorder, and that it must be recognized as sin for deliverance to come. Our culture accepts that men are visual and makes excuses for them, but the truth is, if sexual sin is not confessed and no repentance (turning away) comes, the Kingdom of heaven is not available for these men. Continued sin is a sign of an unrepentant, unsaved heart. Satan tells men, "This is normal!" "You are just being normal." The truth is, it's deadly.

2. Be Available

Let's be there for him physically so that sexual need doesn't scream so loudly in his life. Doing this even once a week can be difficult with little children around, but if we commit to remembering our husbands, we can avoid a sin of omission here. Start with a once-a-week commitment to be there.

Physical relations help keep our hearts soft--both ours toward him and his toward us. Neglecting this is the beginning of trouble.

Two things to do as wives in 2013, faithfully. We can remember two things, yes? 

Pray for him. 

Be available.

Note: If things are going poorly in your marriage right now, don't think of these two things as gifts to your husband, as much as acts of worship before God. Acts of obedience are acts of worship. You may feel that your husband doesn't deserve much right now, but God does deserve much. In time you will be doing these things both for God and for your husband, because God will heal the brokenness in your marriage. 

Remember, love hopes. 

image here

Multitude Monday: There Your Heart Will Be

Matthew 6:21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Matthew Henry's Commentary on this verse:

4. A good reason why we should thus choose, and an evidence that we have done so (Matt. 6:21), Where your treasure is, on earth or in heaven, there will you heart be. We are therefore concerned to be right and wise in the choice of our treasure, because the temper of our minds, and consequently the tenor of our lives, will be accordingly either carnal or spiritual, earthly or heavenly. The heart follows the treasure, as the needle follows the load stone, or the sunflower the sun. Where the treasure is there the value and esteem are, there the love and affection are (Col. 3:2), that way the desires and pursuits go, thitherward the aims and intents are leveled, and all is done with that in view. Where the treasure is, there our cares and fears are, lest we come short of it; about that we are most solicitous; there our hope and trust are (Prov. 18:10, 11); there our joys and delights will be (Ps. 119:111); and there our thoughts will be, there the inward thought will be, the first thought, the free thought, the fixed thought, the frequent, the familiar thought. The heart is God’s due (Prov. 23:26), and that he may have it, our treasure must be laid up with him, and then our souls will be lifted up to him. 

source here


As we start a new week, it behooves us to consider what our treasure is right now. What is on our agenda? What are the concerns of our hearts and our minds? How we spend our time points to what we value and esteem. What we think about also gives hint of our treasure. Our innermost desires tell much. Where is our hope and trust? Where does our delight and joy come from?

Let's take a moment and pray:

Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for the blessing of a new week. Thank you for your presence in our lives. Help us to make you our treasure each day. Help us to make time for you, for the more time we spend with you, the more you become our treasure and our hope and our joy. Redirect our hearts and our vision. Take away our self-focus and transform it into a God-focus. May we look at the material things around us as mere tools to meet our basic needs. May we not be concerned beyond our basic needs. May we place our future and its needs into your hands, so we can be generous. May our pursuits and goals not be about things, but about souls and hearts. And all for your glory, Father, not our own.

In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

Giving Thanks today:

Thank you, Father, for....

~ My eleven-year-old Peter's heart for you.

~ My Peter's love of working in the church nursery with me. Thank you for his joy in your children.

~ Thank you for medicine that has recently changed his life for the better concerning his ADHD. His physical and emotional state in this fallen, sin-cursed world are better because of the treatment you have allowed. Thank you, Father.

~ Thank you for a wee one who still fits in my arms.

~ Thank you that as many my age face an empty nest, I face years more of their giggles, their messes, their hugs, their noise. Thank you for the opportunity to mold their hearts for you. Help me to make the most of every minute with them, Father.  

~ Thank you for my husband's arms and his understanding and grace.

~ Thank you for sending two neighborhood children to our Bible Study and thank you for the privilege of seeing Lexie grow close to you. May she make you her treasure always!

~ Thank you for a big son who hugs me and tells me he loves me.

~ Thank you for my Mary's friendship with her sister, and for my Paul's with his brother, and for all of them enjoying each other.

~ Thank you for your Holy Word. I love its power, truth, joy.

~ Thank you for our Compassion children and for the privilege of speaking you into their lives. Thank you for Divya's enormous heart for you. Protect each of them with your angels, not allowing the danger of their circumstances to harm their hearts or homes.

~ Thank you for Compassion International running one of the most successful child-rescue missions on earth, and all in Jesus' name! May sponsorship grow many fold this year, bringing Love, Hope, Peace, Christ, nutrition, safety, health care and counseling to those who feel forsaken and hopeless.

~ Thank you for prayer warriors and friends in Christ.

What are you thankful for today?

Prayer Request: I asked for prayer for my friend's 18-year-old daughter, Chelsea, a couple months ago. She has ADHD with severe depression. Now she is purging her food and losing weight. It's all so worrisome. If each person reading just prays for her once, it would help a great deal. Depression and purging are such serious warning signs. Please pray? And also that her relationship with her mother improves? Thank you!

When the Enemy Attacks

Every human has an agenda, and that agenda focuses primarily on the self. We have an innate desire to promote ourselves. It's so ingrained, this ugly desire, that we're blind to it. 

I'm learning to check my motivation against the Holy Word of God. And so often I find myself praying for God to cleanse my heart and plant me firmly in His footsteps. 

I don't want to form a new path in the woods--I want to plant my feet firmly in the footprints he's left for me. Take up your cross and follow me, he says. With my whole heart I want to do this.

That very desire--to follow Christ authentically, purely--makes me a great enemy of Satan. He's after me, after us, especially now that a Children's Bible Study will occur here once a week. Last week I was so ready, but yesterday was Peter's 11th birthday and we concentrated on him, not on preparing the house and snacks for Bible Study. 

These last few days I've felt the burden of perfectionism and once again, I checked my motivation against the Word. What does it matter about the house? Why must I stress about clearing away every last inch of clutter so that the image is one of organized perfection? 

For we all know, I'm far from organized perfection. Why would I want to live a lie? 

Oh, Lord, take away my self-promotion. Create in me a clean heart. 

We may fool ourselves into thinking we just want people to be comfortable in our home, but the truth is, perfect homes aren't that comfortable. I went to one recently with my children and it made me a nervous wreck--all the expensive things, sparkling clean and tidy. It felt stifling and I couldn't wait to leave. 

When we arrived back to our disheveled home with its laundry on the couch and toys strewn here and there, and paperwork on the counter, I felt strangely relieved.

Aside from that there's been the general feeling that this is all too much...I can't do it! We have too many problems to tackle a weekly Bible Study.

Lies. All lies. 

And how do we fight them?

The Word of God! We slow down and devour the Word, instead of speeding up to keep up. We focus on His agenda, and not on our skewed one. 

Souls. Souls. Souls. His desire is that not one shall perish. 

To teach the Word of God, to teach children to pray, to love them authentically and display a heart after His? There's no greater purpose than to save souls. Many things are involved in this endeavor, from teaching to helping to comforting. From feeding to clothing to listening. When we are the hands and feet of Jesus, when we put the Word into eager hearts, we are saving souls.

The actual work of Grace is of God, but we are His instruments. Let us rejoice and be glad in that. 

Here I've gathered a couple verses that help when Satan is battling your resolve to follow God. Spiritual warfare can happen whenever you live for God in a more focused way, such as reading the Bible more, teaching at church, starting a new ministry, or working harder on your marriage or parenting. 

Anything that draws you and others closer to God will be fought by the Enemy. 

We can do all things through Christ who gives us strength...especially making disciples!

There are many more verses that help and I hope to research further very soon. My Internet problems are probably another attack from the Enemy, perhaps? I keep losing the signal still.

Love to you all as you seek to follow Him.

2 Corinthians 10:3-5
For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ,

Matthew 28:19-20

"Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age." Matthew 28:19-20