My Mary and a Boy Named Jonah

My older daughter's middle name could be Jonah-Who-Wouldn't-Go-to-Ninevah. Her brand of stubbornness runs deep on her father's side, with my father-in-law leading the pack. It skipped my husband entirely, but not so his sister.

Several months ago we were having a conversation, Mary and me, and don't ask me how it started because I can't even remember. I told her about the Biblical mandate for her marriage prospects: a Christian husband or no husband.

Her response?

Was it news to a mother's heart? Not even close. She responded, "That's stupid."

Right then and there, my heart panicked. Oh, Lord. How will I ever usher her into biblical womanhood, with stubbornness leading her heart? Please. Don't let her go her own way and break your heart and mine.

In all fairness to her then-six-year-old self, I should say that the boy across the street is pretty cute in Mary's estimation. The thought of him probably prompted her hasty response.

The story doesn't end with my desperate prayer that night, and every night thereafter.

At our new AWANA is a boy named Jonah. If you named your son this, I'm probably going to offend you with this, but why? Did your son stay in the womb an extra two weeks, prompting you to name him Jonah? Was it because right away, he was stubborn? Don't get me wrong...the name itself, I love. It's adorable. But Jonah wasn't exactly a Biblical hero, so as much as I like the name, I wouldn't want it for an official birth-certificate name.

So, there's this boy in Mary's Sparks class. He's cute. He's sassy. He's Jonah. He thinks my Mary is pretty and he wants to marry her, thank you very much. He told the teacher so and I heard it myself.

At the last AWANA meeting he gave my Mary a Christmas bell necklace to match his own. No, not an engagement ring, but my girl wore it proudly, as if it were one.

The Sunday before, after bedtime prayers, my Mary said, "Mommy, I hope you're not going to be mad about this, but I called Jonah "Sugar" tonight."

Inwardly, I rolled my eyes, but there may have been a slight smile show on the corner of my mouth. Girls are so different from boys, I tell you. They have a matchmaking radar, it seems, rather early, that boys for the most part do. not. share. (This Jonah excluded, apparently.)

I tried to explain what flirting was and that maybe it wasn't such a good idea to call a boy "Sugar". But the concept of flirting was over her head, so I very soon gave up.

My kids have church verses to learn, as well as AWANA verses, and one week Mary had to memorize the Lord's Prayer. She rather liked it, and that's an understatement. She went around for three week straight, saying the Lord's Prayer several times a day, because she could. Verses are her thing; she loves them.

So another night, after bedtime prayers, she told me, "Mommy, I tried to teach Jonah the Lord's Prayer tonight."

"That was sweet of you. How did he do?"

"He gave up. It was too hard."

"Mommy, do you think Jonah is a Christian?"

That sentence right there? It melted me. Here's my little girl, stubborn as all get out, remembering the Biblical mandate for her marriage prospects, and now, a few months later, instead of saying it's stupid, she's taking it to heart. The Holy Spirit is winning. My little girl really likes this boy, but she's showing allegiance to God now, not just to herself.

Parenting is nothing if not a desperate, lengthy, on-going prayer.

I don't agree with the boyfriend/girlfriend thing, but I'm grateful it prompted discipling issues that need to be discussed very early in our children's upbringing. It should be on their radar very early: "God says: marry a Christian, or don't get married".

Just between you and me, the little boy is stubborn, just like my Mary. He was playing with his bell necklace and had the little bell part in his mouth, unattached to the necklace part. Being an ex-classroom teacher, I don't give as much slack as children's church teachers usually do. Many don't discipline and church classes can be a waste of time, due to unresolved behavior issues. I'm kind but firm, because to survive in a classroom day after day, you have to be.

Sadly, two of my children have AWANA classes with no discipline, and the boys' class at our church provides no dicipline for the Goofy Boys Club. (Elementary is not my jurisdiction at church; there's a reason I only signed on to be the Birth-Kinder children's coordinator.)

It's so sad the way upper-elementary boys think they have to act goofy and stupid to fit in. I call it the Goofy Boys Club, and it's getting our nation's boys no where. I suspect the bullies lead it, and the other boys feel they either have to fit in and act goofy themselves, or get bullied. Unfortunately, the bullies lead the schools, and there's precious little school staff can do about it, because they can't follow the kids everywhere, and when a child tattles on a bully, it just gets worse.

My boys don't enjoy going to classes because of the goofiness, but neither do they prefer listening to long sermons in the sanctuary.

Anyway, I was sure any minute the teacher or myself would have to do the Heimlich choking manuvear regarding this bell in Jonah's mouth. I told him having the bell in his mouth was dangerous, and would he please take it out? He did, but only temporarily. It went back in his mouth, so I took it from him, yucky as it was to hold it in my hand while the teacher finished the Sparky story.

Then he began hitting his neighbor with the string of his necklace, and I told him to pay attention to the story. He kept doing it, so I asked for the necklace. He said, "No." I gave him a firm, teacher-type look, and told him he was being disrespectful.

Immediately, he gave it to me, a guilty, sorrowful look on his face.

There was her question, hanging in the air. "Mommy, do you think Jonah is a Christian?"

I thought about the bell and necklace incident, which had happened that night. I thought about the repentent face.

"Yes, I do think he's a Christian, Mary. He's a silly boy, but I could see in his eyes that the Holy Spirit has a hold on him."

This marked the end of the conversation that particular night, but there's more to say.

We all have a long way to go, Mary, in trying to be like Jesus. Jonah is no exception. He might disappoint you with his behavior sometimes, and when he does, remember that the Lord never disappoints. The Lord is always a perfect gentleman. The Lord, and no one else, must be your strength and your song.

Exodus 15:2 The LORD is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation; this is my God, and I will praise him, my father’s God, and I will exalt him.

The Pride of Life and Too Many Toys

When I had my first child I down-scaled my full-time job to a part-time, home-based homeschooling facilitator position, visiting the Charter school campus for individual monthly meetings with 26 different families. I also taught two 90-minute reading enrichment classes on campus two days a week, and a 6th grade social studies class once a week. For about 4 months I brought my baby to work, but when he became too mobile, that no longer worked.

One of the families offered the babysitting services of their college-aged daughter, and having no family in CA, and knowing that this girl was probably a Christian, I hired her to come to my home two days a week, five hours at a time, during which I would come home to nurse my child briefly, before going back to finish meetings.

This arrangement meant that I had no babysitting while I did the follow-up paperwork from these meetings, and lesson planning, at home. Peter was a very active child from an early age--rolling over early, crawling early, and walking early. He was high-needs and didn't play with toys on his own well, so trying to get my work done became extremely stressful. I had $26,000 in student loans to pay, we had two car loans, a home loan, and credit cards; my quitting work was impossible at that time.

In my new-parent ignorance, I thought interesting toys would be the answer. Maybe if he had enough to do, he would let me get some work done. I was already up late into the night planning lessons, and nursing him, and I was desperate for a solution that still kept him by my side.

Over the years I had that job (three years total), we bought a lot of toys and books and God added another baby boy to our family 22 months after my first was born (we used credit cards during that time, so of course we were overspending on toys). I wish I could say we quickly learned the folly of too many toys, but no. It went on even after we moved to Ohio, where I planned to run a small in-home preschool/daycare, which never came to fruition. I did babysit for infants before having two girls of my own, but I never ran a preschool and haven't worked since (the sale of a CA home in a good economy took care of that debt).

So, we had all these toys. When conservative, older people came to our home, they would say, "Wow. These kids have a lot of toys." I knew from their demeanor it was a criticism, but I rationalized it. Everything I bought had teaching potential; they weren't mindless toys, books, puzzles. They were curriculum.

The Lord didn't leave me there, thank goodness. He didn't allow me to keep rationalizing my over-indulgence. Eventually, he helped me view it as sin. I was chasing something unholy: the pride of life. 

I looked up the "pride of life" so I could give you the best possible definition, and here is what I found (below):

The phrase “pride of life” is found only once in the Bible, in 1 John 2:16, but the concept of the pride of life, especially as it is linked with the “lust of the eyes” and the “lust of the flesh,” appears in two more significant passages of Scripture—the temptation of Eve in the Garden and the temptation of Christ in the wilderness (Matthew 4:8-10). The pride of life can be defined as anything that is “of the world,” meaning anything that leads to arrogance, ostentation, pride in self, presumption, and boasting. John makes it clear that anything that produces the pride of life comes from a love of the world and “if anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him” (1 John 2:15).

I gave away a great many toys, and I learned something about my misdirected heart. Education was a false god to me. I spoiled my children in the name of knowledge and it felt okay for awhile, until God helped me see something that every teacher needs to realize: How soon a child learns to read, or how much she knows compared to other children, is not important in the Kingdom of God. It is my duty to teach my children, but not to make them superstars.

In fact, when we happen to have a superstar child, educationally speaking, we have to constantly guard against pride--our own and our child's. We didn't create a superstar child; God did. The child didn't earn his superstar academic status; God gave it as a gift. God gives out abilities and as parents, we shepherd them; we help the child make the most of God's gifts, while exercising humility.

Four years after we moved to Ohio my husband lost his job and we lost our credit, and there was no more buying, except at garage sales or thrift stores (I had to learn to temper that, as well).

You'll think I'm crazy to say this, but that was the very best thing for us spiritually. Instead of chasing the pride of life, we began to fight shabbiness and household items and vehicles in disrepair. I have learned to carry myself with dignity at church, even while at times looking unfashionable and wearing the same jean skirt week after week.

It feels wonderful to have on a stylish outfit you know you look good in. It feels great to have pieces in the closet that work together, fit well, and are current. Sometimes that's possible via thrift stores, but usually not, if your funds are limited.

It feels wonderful to have an impressive home with clean, current furniture and decorations, or an impressive car.

You know what I've learned, slowly but thoroughly? My worth comes from the Lord. That sounds so simple, doesn't it? But getting there wasn't simple at all. I never would have taken this truth to heart had I not suffered a little shabbiness. I see life through a different lens now, and it's a clearer one. I see children with too many things who aren't likable or sweet, and their parents are so caught up in the pride of life, they don't realize they're handicapping their children spiritually and socially. That was me...that was us; we were blinded for a time.

Ideally, all of us should want for something, materially speaking, and our children too. We should reach for the Lord's comfort, not the world's. We should look to the Lord for our self-worth, not to the peers around us, with whom we try to keep up, unconsciously.

Let's not get our children everything they want this Christmas. We would do well to let them know need and want, just enough to go to the Lord for their worth and their comfort. An overindulged adult or child is blinded, handicapped, because of too much world, and too little God. It feels good for a time, but the world gives a false comfort, a false sense of worth, which doesn't serve us well after a tornado destroys everything, or after we lose our job and sink into shabbiness.

Our children are part of our legacy and the gifts we give them can be mostly spiritual, or mostly worldly. Whatever we choose gets passed on to the next generation of our family. When we wrap those presents and place them under the tree this year, let's evaluate what we're after. Are we chasing something unholy? Are we trying to make our children temporarily happy, at the expense of spiritual fruit later? Are we even going to like them, two days after they've opened too many presents?

Relatives must be on board with us, if we're to pass on more of the spiritual than the material. If necessary, we can sit down with them and discuss how many presents, and which ones, would bless our children but not spoil them. Raising a child for the Lord is an extended family endeavor, not just a nuclear family effort, however, parents are the ultimate authority. I think parents have a right to exercise restraint with gift cards and money given to children by relatives, especially when relatives don't share our spiritual views. When handled with prayer and tact, peace can still prevail at gift-giving time, and our households can emerge from Christmastime closer to the Lord, not further from Him. 

Restraint is valuable for many reasons:

~ Too many toys kills imagination and ingenuity. Kids in Africa design their own toys, becoming budding engineers in the process. Kids without many toys make up thrilling games that lead to precious sibling memories.

~ Too much stuff creates clutter and stress.

~ Too many choices creates stress.

~ Kids take better care of fewer toys, because when there are too many, they're all expendable.

~ Kids' hearts are full of gratitude only when the giving is done sparingly. The opposite of gratitude is entitlement, and first-world children suffer greatly from this.

~ Kids don't want toys so much as they want us. They want and need our time and attention; toys are a poor substitute for a parent's investment in a child's heart.

~ When they've opened everything and it was too much, and the spoiled attitude comes soon after, you can't go backwards. You can donate toys, but you can't create the sweetness one sees in an unspoiled child. You can't force your child to feel thankful for all the treasures they've opened. It just doesn't work that way. Gratitude comes easily when we were wanting for something--when we needed to wait and/or sacrifice. It's elusive when we get everything we needed, and more.

Once in a while I wonder what it would be like to have enough money to meet our every need, and many of our wants. Would I slowly but surely sink into entitlement? The Bible tells me it would be the greatest spiritual fight of my life, to accept all that material blessing, and still cling to God. I believe this truth, and I count myself blessed.

How do you pull the reins in at your house, at gift-giving time?


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Gratitude Journal Dec 18

Sometimes I'm flooded with thanksgiving over an answered prayer, and my heart swells. My Paul has gone three days without a headache, after 9 consecutive days with migraine, and my right ankle has been normal for four days now. Time to advertise God's goodness, but before I list my blessings, I want to say to anyone out there suffering and still waiting for answered prayer: God. is. still. good.

Immanuel means "God with us". He is always with us, beside us, inside us, eclipsing our pain, redeeming our brokenness. We should advertise his glorious ways, praise Him from the mountaintops, even when the pain persists, because Immanuel (God with us) rescues us, every day.

What's currently blessing me:

~ Paul thoroughly enjoying a Christmas Origami book. He spent hours making origami ornaments to place in our tree branches.

~ Paper chains overflowing in our home.

~ The boys "doing school" even while on vacation. They wrote a long, silly, irreverent version of The Twelves Days of Christmas, during which I felt it necessary to forbid any potty humor. I'm so happy there are two little girls in my home, as well as two as-yet unrefined boys.

~ Little David in the church nursery, a toddler after my own heart, ran up to me and hugged me when I came into the nursery last Sunday, just like he does when his own mom shows up. Okay, maybe it was because he had the messiest diaper imaginable and needed me, but still. It set my heart all aflutter.

~ No more headaches for my Paul.

~ A lady from church coming later this month, with her two girls, to teach us to knit. She had triplets late in life and all three of them have multiple problems, including one who is almost grown and is three years old, cognitively speaking. My friend's husband passed away eight years ago, and we are thrilled to perhaps somewhat fill a family void in her life, and vice versa. My Beth loves playing dolls with her daughter.

~ The Lord's faithfulness, always.

~ Reading the book of James with the children, alongside the book of 1 Kings, which is sometimes hard reading.

~ This winter has been harsh so far, and no problems with our older furnace. (We keep it at 64 at night, and 66 during the day, but our noses are still always stuffed up this time of year, from the drying tendency of forced heat. My children never complain of being cold, and sometimes the boys take their shirts off during their made up PE games.)

~ The children using our flat driveway and disc sleds to make up "The Winter Games". They go back and forth, doing different exercises with the sled. I love their ingenuity, but not their competitiveness.

~ They all have a little bit of money, which they want to use to buy each other Christmas presents. They have been making each other birthday presents these last two months (4 birthdays in just over 2 months).

~ A horrible legislative bill was introduced in the Ohio legislature, requiring parents and children to be interviewed separately by child protective services before a homeschooling request is granted. Additionally, they have to be interviewed twice more during the school year, and must submit to "interventions" if their request is initially denied. They can also specify if a family can homeschool on their own, or must use a public e-school. The good news? The Homeschool Legal Defense Association will fight it for us. It's so over-reaching that it's unlikely to pass, but it does have three sponsors in the legislature, and it speaks of the lengths to which the government may someday go to take away parents rights. Such ridiculous bills are becoming more common, but HSLDA has been very successful in upholding parents' rights so far. The bill is a response to a fatal child abuse case that had nothing to do with homeschooling families.

~ A sweet friend sponsoring us for Christmas, and another friend's gift card paying for a Christmas ham. It's hard and very humbling to accept such gifts, and I wish I could graciously say "no thank you we're fine", but the Lord reminds me that it is not about me, but about how he chooses to shine his glory. I can't cross my arms in stubbornness and refuse to allow Him to shine, for when a Christian gives, it's a manifestation of his glory shining through them, and despite my sinful pride, it's a beautiful thing.

The family voted on it and ham won over turkey. I don't care for the taste of ham, but I like that when we have ham for Christmas, my husband makes it, leaving me to choose and make delicious side dishes. And even though hams are horribly expensive, between soups and other dishes, they do provide protein for a lot of different meals before they're used up.

~ A wonderfully simple and delicious way to make cranberries (we've been having them weekly). Using a frying pan, place washed, fresh cranberries in a single layer, along with a half cup water, and 1/2 or 1 cup sugar, depending on how sweet you prefer them. Heat at medium temp. until you hear them pop, about three minutes, usually. Then turn the heat to the lowest setting, and cook for five more minutes only. They will remain whole and taste heavenly.

~ The Lord is my strength and my song.

What are you thankful for today?

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The Great Joy and the Good News

Merry Christmas.

When you read that, think not of cliche sayings from holiday cards, for I truly wish you joy and merriment, but not only what the world gives. The best the world can give at Christmas is great food, great company, great presents, sparkly lights, and laughter in our gatherings. And it’s all wonderful, true, but it’s fleeting. The next day the calendar reads December 26 and life is the same again, after all that preparation and merriment.

It can be a let down after all the anticipation, but December 26 doesn't have to be like this. Remember, an angel appeared to the shepherds in the field, and the message given forever changed the human condition.

Luke 2:8-11

And in that region there were shepherds out in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And an angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were filled with fear. And the angel said to them, “Be not afraid; for behold, I bring you good news of a great joy which will come to all the people; for to you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.

“Good news of great joy.” What is this, exactly? When we seek and find the answer to this question, our joy is not only complete, but everlasting. December 26 and every day after it becomes a manifestation of the good news the angel announced.

When a newborn baby arrives in this world, it’s an occasion for joyous thanksgiving and celebration, for babies represent hope in the future. Babies are a new beginning, enriching and changing the course of our lives forever. Blessed is the family who welcomes a baby, either their own or one lovingly adopted. Either way, a baby is a blessed gift. Think of that joy! Nothing can match it on earth, for babies are a miracle so perfect, only God could be the Designer.

How fitting, then, that the good news of great joy came in the form of a baby…but this Christmas baby? He is more than hope, more than joy, more than blessing. He is Life itself! He came to give us Life—an overflowing spirit of peace in our hearts while we dwell here for such a fleeting time, and later, eternity spent in His presence. This later is oh so much greater than this now…this now being as a vapor.

Eternity spent in His presence. Think of the magnificence of that truth, as well as the comfort and inner peace He gives on earth amidst every ailment, every disorder, and every sorrow.

For four hundred years before the Baby was born to us, God was silent. No prophets, no miracles, no news; nothing but frightening quietness.

And then, suddenly, there is good news of great joy, as foretold by the prophets so long ago. God planned this day we call Christmas. He planned this good news. He foretold this Great Rescue, as we see in Micah and Isaiah, Old Testament books.

Micah 5:2 But you, O Bethlehem Eph′rathah, who are little to be among the clans of Judah, from you shall come forth for me one who is to be ruler in Israel, whose origin is from of old, from ancient days.

Isaiah 7:14 Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign. Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel.

Immanuel? It means God with us. The long-awaited Messiah, the source of Life, the solution to our separation from a perfect, Holy God, has come. He is here. There is no separation for those who trust in Him. No more unanswered need, unanswered sorrow. No more emptiness of spirit. After four hundred silent years, and many more years of turmoil and failed allegiance, as documented in the Old Testament Bible, the Savior, the Messiah, has come.

I wish you a slow down, a time to set aside the offerings of a worldly Christmas. Trade what the world offers for joy everlasting…joy that doesn't end at midnight on December 26. Make the Christ Child your own good news this year, for the angel said: I bring you good news of a great joy which will come to all the people “.

He was born for you. Enter into Joy everlasting. Take him into your arms, into your heart, where every baby longs to be. He is the good news of great joy your soul longs for. No one and nothing can ever fill us as He does. He is Immanuel, God with us. With is a joyous concept to hold on to, for it means we are never forsaken, never alone, always loved.

Wow! That is good news of great joy!

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December Discipling: Jesus vs. Santa

John Piper, long-time pastor and founder of Desiring God, writes about Santa versus Jesus in response to a parent's question:  Corbin, a listener from Gainesville, Georgia, asked: “Pastor John, should parents allow their children to believe Santa Claus is bringing them gifts on Christmas?”

Piper's answer? Superb. It's a must read that will blow your socks off and set your heart on fire for Jesus all over again, and it will rejuvenate your commitment to making it all about the only One who will never disappoint us, never forsake us, and never stop redeeming our brokenness.

Right now, it's fun to excite our kids with presents and cookies and sparkly decorations, but if that takes up all our time and energy, what will they have to hold on to, as adults, when sorrow and disappointment come their way? When our daughter is fighting for joy after a miscarriage, will all those hours spent with lights and tinsel and cookie dough help her then? When our son loses his job and wonders desperately how he and his family will make it, will the toy trains and Hot Wheels tracks we fought the crowds and traffic to buy, do him any good? When our child's spouse cheats and devastates our child's heart, the choice will be to divorce and move on, breaking our grandkids' hearts, or stay and do the hard work of undeserved love and forgiveness.

Their lives will get hard quickly when they leave us, and we get only one chance to give them a taste of the Lord, preferably a very strong taste before 12 years old. Once in the world, their chances of falling in love with Him and possessing tested faith in Him, are slim. The cookies and the trains are nice, but they have to take up a very small portion of our parenting time, compared to our discipling.

The best way for a parent to spend the Christmas season? How about spending one half a day buying a present or three (Jesus received only three), and spend the other 23 days of December leading up to Christmas, with your child next to you, explaining over and over again, with different resources, books, and conversations, why she needs Jesus and why she'll always need him, and how no one and nothing else will ever measure up to Him.

One suggestion--something we do in our home--is to have the children open whatever is given to them the weekend before Christmas, so that Christmas day is not spent in commercial preoccupation and anticipation.

They are children only a small portion of their lives, and while childhood should be magical and precious, it is also preparatory. It's a fleeting window of opportunity to teach life-saving, legacy-leading, heaven-bound principals. 

We moms and dads try pretty hard to make Christmas exciting for our kids. This year, I challenge all of us to spend less time searching for exciting Christmas cookie recipes, and more time finding ways to make Jesus the Star.


Some Ideas:

Lots of Drama -  Put on simple family Christmas story skits or plays, starting with the Angel Gabriel appearing to Mary. It can be surprising how often preschool and lower-elementary children, especially, need to hear and see this story before they can tell it themselves from start to finish, and remember it from year to year. Make that the goal, that each child in your house can tell you the whole Christmas story from start to finish, and memorize at least two fundamental Christmas verses, by Christmas Day. We don't have our children memorize scripts for simple family plays. We narrate a little and announce scenes, and they come up with their own sentences/dialogue, depending on age. We often suggest what our youngest child could say, if she is struggling. The drama is casual, fun, simple, and a very effective teaching tool.

Vocabulary and Concepts - Jesus came to us in a humble stable, living a humble 33 years among us. Humility is a big word in the Christian faith. Put some butcher paper on the wall and write the word Humility or Humble in the center of the paper. Each day, add definitions or examples of humility to the paper. Leave it up all month for review and more discussion.

God's Purpose  - What was God's purpose in sending Jesus? Why is it so exciting that the Messiah has finally come? How does Jesus save us, that first time we believe, and every day after that? What is the good news of great joy?

Storybooks - Write simple illustrated books depicting the Christmas story. The best artist in the family can illustrate, and the rest of the family can write the words together. Those of us who can't draw get a little nervous when asked to produce art, but it's great to ask anyone who likes to draw to participate. Some can color or decorate, while others draw the images. If we spend enough time discipling at Christmastime, this won't be a difficult activity for our children, and these books can be saved and treasured through the years.

Resist the pulls on your time, and make a Mary decision--to sit at Jesus' feet and learn of Him, together.

Luke 2:10-11 And the angel said to them, “Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.

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