Sunday, January 24, 2016

I'm a Beggar

The longer I live, the more readily I is hard.

But before you click out of this and say.."Forget it, I need something encouraging, not a downer"..let me also add that as bad as things get sometimes, I can always say and really mean..."God is good. He is always good."

We were already completely overwhelmed by Peter's moderate-to-severe OCD, and now my 9-year-old daughter, Mary, is getting worse. She imagines she smells gas daily and is worried about the house blowing up. Any smell, whether good or bad, increases her anxiety. She does rituals, like breathing into her pillow or her jacket sleeve, with the hope of staying alive through the "gas" leak. These rituals point toward OCD, not just your garden-variety anxiety. She also worries about the dates on foods and doesn't eat with the same freedom as before. Both of these issues--chemical contaminants and food spoilage or food contaminants--are common OCD themes.

Just when I thought the stress couldn't get any worse, it did. And just when I thought I couldn't take another day of this life, God showed me how beautiful life is, once again.

In our humanity, we look for bright outcomes. We covet the story about the boy with severe OCD who was chained to his house by his fears, who then went on to lead a completely normal, spiritually productive life, managing the OCD like a champ.

Or we covet the story of a child with a serious physical handicap who healed in adolescence, and went on to adulthood to treat children with chronic medical conditions, with the same kindness she received as a child.

We want these bright and glorious outcomes, and we pray for them over and over. We should pray thus, and with faith. 

But there's also the submission factor involved in the Christian walk. We have to be okay with whatever outcomes God chooses. His vision is not our vision, though we become more Christ-like every time we choose to submit our lives to His will.

There are a lot of things that feel impossible about my life right now. I feel too weak and sinful for the tasks set before me. But my pride and my own agenda weaken more all the time. The impossibility of solving anything on my own necessarily makes me a beggar. A grateful beggar.

Lord, I put my children and my marriage into your hands. I let go of my own agenda. I submit my will to yours and ask that you make us not more successful, but more godly.

In your precious name I pray, Amen.

Verses for Strength:

Isaiah 40:28-31 Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary,and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

Isaiah 41:10 fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

1 Chronicles 16:11 Seek the LORD and his strength; seek his presence continually!

Exodus 15:2 The LORD is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation; this is my God, and I will praise him, my father’s God, and I will exalt him.

1 Samuel 30:6 And David was greatly distressed, for the people spoke of stoning him, because all the people were bitter in soul, each for his sons and daughters. But David strengthened himself in the LORD his God.

1 Peter 4:11 whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies—in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To him belong glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen.

Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”

John 16:33 I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

Psalm 23:4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.


Anonymous said...

Amen and amen. I continue to keep you and your family in my prayers. I know what negative obsessions are like. My son has been through phases of severe negative obsessions. It's so draining. He started fluoxetine in November and I think it's finally beginning to help him. So saying, it's time for me to give it to him and get off the internet.
One more thing - do allow yourself some 'time out'. You can't be all things to all people if you've not had the space to 'top up' for yourself, as it were. Lots of love from across The Pond xxx

Christine said...

We sure appreciate your prayers, Sandy! The med your son was given should be very helpful. I am so happy things are better for him and for you, in regards to his obsessions. Yes, it is incredibly draining! We will pray he will continue to be helped.