A Biblical View on Screen Time

On occasion I find time to read something from Simple Homeschool's Weekend Links. Last weekend I found a link entitled Screen Rules, by Elizabeth Foss of In the Heart of My Home. Elizabeth's is not a blog I read (spiritual content is far different from my faith), but this particular post title caught my eye. Screen obsession in America's young people worries and saddens me.

Elizabeth lists 12 rules she and her husband came up with to regulate the use of iPhones, iPods, computers, television, Facebook, Twitter, and other social media. In the comments she admits to needing some regulation of her own screen time, and that she too, benefits from the 12 rules.

As I read it struck me, why do kids need these things at all? Why do they need hand-held computer access? Why do they need texting? Why do they need cameras with them everywhere they go? Why do they need Facebook or Twitter accounts? Or any other social media account?

Staying out of trouble is hard for teens. Period. They're hardwired for risk and danger. Nowadays it's harder for them than ever. Parents allow them too much freedom during the years they're least likely to behave responsibly.

And with social media and screen use, the mistakes can be terribly costly and long-lasting. One tragedy after another fills the newspapers, and yet, parents aren't stopping the insanity.

The 12 rules Elizabeth lists are nice on paper, but she admits herself she doesn't have time to check text messages received and sent by her children. She only warns them with the pithy comment, "You never know when I'll be in a long line and have time to check your accounts."

I like her bullet points and the focus on the heart, but I don't agree that kids should have these gadgets and accounts at all.

Why not just say no to all of this stuff, since there is absolutely no need for them in a child's life? Kids want them so they can fit in with their peers, more than anything. Is it good to encourage fitting in? It is good to buy the $60 athletic shoes a child wants but doesn't need, just because everybody has them? Is it good to give an iPhone or iPod or cell phone, just because all the kids have them?

Shouldn't we be around our kids most of the time, instead of giving them a phone to contact us? They can get into major trouble despite being a phone call away from us. Phones don't keep kids out of trouble...parental supervision and involvement do. Teens needs just as much of our time as our toddlers do.

What should our homes look like, really? Shouldn't we have a spiritual focus and family-bonding focus? If everyone is looking at a different screen, engaged with people and media outside the family, how can family bonding occur, and a strong spiritual foundation be laid?

If it's not sports and other extracurricular activities separating the family, it's screens and social media.

We're a distracted nation and our young people suffer from too little parental/family engagement. They're not grounded anymore because parents aren't focused on building a foundation in their homes. I don't mean you personally or me personally, but none of us is immune to the ways of the culture. We must regularly take stock and gauge how far the culture has taken us from a biblical worldview.

What fathers do to build a spiritual foundation is profoundly important. They're more influential than mothers alone in ensuring lasting spiritual faith in their children. Kids with both Dad and Mom involved in their spiritual growth fare the best.

What can we, as mothers, do while we dwell with our children all day?

We can build our house wisely. I love Matthew Henry's commentary on Proverbs 14:1, shown below the verse:

Proverbs 14:1 The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down

Note, 1. A good wife is a great blessing to a family. By a fruitful wife a family is multiplied and replenished with children, and so built up. But by a prudent wife, one that is pious, industrious, and considerate, the affairs of the family are made to prosper, debts are paid, portions raised, provision made, the children well educated and maintained, and the family has comfort within doors and credit without; thus is the house built. She looks upon it as her own to take care of, though she knows it is her husband’s to bear rule in, Est. 1:22. 2. Many a family is brought to ruin by ill housewifery, as well as by ill husbandry. A foolish woman, that has no fear of God nor regard to her business, that is wilful, and wasteful, and humoursome, that indulges her ease and appetite, and is all for jaunting and feasting, cards and the play-house, though she come to a plentiful estate, and to a family beforehand, she will impoverish and waste it, and will as certainly be the ruin of her house as if she plucked it down with her hands; and the husband himself, with all his care, can scarcely prevent it.

When you read Matthew Henry's description of a wise woman, does it conjure up the image of a woman on Facebook everyday? Or needing to check a computer screen frequently? Can she build her house with a focus on posting pictures and tidbits online, or does she build it by investing her time in her children's hearts and in their education?

Be in the world but not of the world...that is the challenge. Can we pray about screen time and use it for His glory, only?

Certainly there's room for some personal time on most days, but let's face it, raising children well is time-consuming. If we're on a screen very much during the day while they're awake, how are we investing in them spiritually? Screens are addictive and they can steal the best years of our parenting away, easily. Children find them just as addictive as adults do, so why have them go down that path at all...especially before they can pay for the screens themselves?

As mothers building a home, we have to show our children that there are far sweeter things in life than screens. And that no one can be measured by likes or clicks. Our measuring stick for worth comes in the price Jesus paid for us. Our status is this: Redeemed. Deeply loved by a gracious God.

To steer our children right, to build a pious home, we have to make sure we're on the right path ourselves. I don't think the right path is one that includes a lot of screen time (especially before their bedtime).

And giving children all these gadgets and accounts? It's all a waste of their precious time...time they desperately need to grow closer to God and their family.

We as mothers need to get out of bed everyday with the goal of building a home Jesus would smile upon. We would do well to gather our children and teach them, just as this Deuteronomy verse says: You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. You should write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

Deuteronomy 6:4-9 “Hear, O Israel! The LORD is our God, the LORD is one!“You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.“These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart.“You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.“You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead.“You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

If social media and screens are present at all, let's give them last importance. There are so many better things to do, better things to focus on, as mothers, as children, and as families.

A wise woman uses screens sparingly, teaching her children their proper place and utility.

How have you dealt with this in your home? Do you have tips or a story to share?

Unhappy Christian Wives, Part 2

On July 16 last year, I wrote a post entitled An Open Letter to Unhappy Christian Wives. It was actually a copy of a letter I wrote to a woman planning a divorce. She and her husband had gone to counseling with poor results--in her opinion, he wasn't changing any of the things on her laundry list.

Yes, she gave him a list of things he was supposed to change, and he failed.

Shortly before her divorce this woman's husband came to know the Lord but the laundry list of things she didn't like about him sent her packing; the divorce is now final. Never once did she admit to any fault in the troubled marriage, but she spoke daily--in everyone's hearing--about her husband's faults.

She is only an acquaintance of mine, but we know her son, a former homeschooler, and she works at my husband's workplace.

In my letter I told her boldly "No one increases their personal peace through non-biblical divorce."  (Just so you know, he was not abusing her or cheating.)

Immediately after she left the home with their 13-year-old son, trouble followed her everywhere...trouble with their son, an addiction, her purity, her finances, her daily schedule. She came to work crying on many occasions, and still does a year later. In short, she's a mess and her son despises her. If something doesn't change she may be without a job soon.

I was brave enough to write this letter to her because of concern for her son, and because three months prior, I wrote one to another couple on the brink of divorce and God used it. They reconciled, stopped the divorce proceedings, and the wife moved back in. Later in the year they split again, divorced, but kept in contact. The husband came to know the Lord and tried very hard to change the woman's mind, and she did date him for a few months and they saw pastors for counseling, but then later she met someone else. End of story and her ex-husband is in a lot of pain right now, wondering where God is.

Between the two letters I probably spent eight hours of my time, and then more time praying. I can't tell you how sad the outcomes have left me, but I know better than to waste time wondering if I could have chosen my words better, or if I could have prayed more, or if maybe I should have minded my own business.

Free will is a gift from God, but Satan uses it to destory us and that's what happened here. There was too much Satan and not enough God in the equation. God was big enough, but the women weren't willing to wait on the Lord. Satan spoke a better sales pitch, deceptive though it was.

When there's trouble in human relationships, God works miracles through prayer and willing hearts, but the time table is rarely to our liking. We may start out following God, but when the path seems too long with no end in sight, we look for shortcuts. I don't want to wait any longer for happiness. I want to chase after it myself, for I know just what the answer is and I see it within my reach. (So Satan tells us.)

My Open Letter has yielded 255 hits on this small-scale blog, usually through searches such as: unhappy in Christian marriage, or unhappy Christian wife. I always wonder, when I see the titled searched, if someone, somewhere, is helped. I pray sometimes for the anonymous person who reads it, wondering if my prayer will make a difference in whether they feel disgust at my words, or conviction.

What was I asking of this woman, in my letter? Sacrificial love such as our Savior gave to us. While we were sinners, Christ died for us. We are sinful women married to sinful men and that part never changes. Giving a spouse a laundry list of things to change--essentially saying, "Please be less sinful," doesn't solve anything or yield positive results.

Marriage doesn't make us happy, and neither does it complete us. Our joy is in the Lord and in our relationship with Him. We are not defined by our marriage relationship but by our commitment to following Christ. Do we take up our cross and follow Him, or do we take up our grievances and let them destory us?

The answer to any relationship problem is this: "Be still and know that I am God." And while you're being still, read your Bible and pray. Realize that your joy is in that, not in your husband's personality qualities.

How many times in the last week have you prayed for your spouse and for your relationship, versus how many times you've lamented about your unhappiness? If the grieving outweighs the prayer, you only pile on more grievances.

We don't like to admit it, but we have plenty wrong with us. Our prayers, responded to by the Holy Spirit, gently lead us to a purer heart. It's never supposed to be..."Dear God, there is just so much wrong with my husband." Rather, we should begin, "Dear God, there is just so much wrong with my heart. Please purify it and my husband's too. We want our marriage to bring you glory."

Does God need us to tell him what's wrong with our husband? Does He not know? Of course He does; we are the ignorant ones. We don't know what's wrong with our own hearts. Our prayers reveal it, and then the Holy Spirit works with our free will to create beauty from ashes.

Without the prayer we remain lost, thinking it's our husband's fault all the while.

Here's the Fix:

1. Be still and know that I am God. (Psalm 46: 10)

2. Give up your own way and follow Him. Matthew 6:24 Then Jesus said to his disciples, "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.

2. Pray much. Ask for heart purification.

3. Read your Bible. Every time you think a negative thought about your husband or your marriage, take up your Bible and read.

4. Keep a blessing list; practice gratitude.

5. Be still and know that I am God.

Prayer Time: Dear Heavenly Father, you are everything to our being. Thank you for your abundant gifts and your sacrificial love. Thank you that your love never ends and never makes mistakes. We don't realize it sometimes, but our hearts ache for you, not for perfection in our relationships. Help us to fill up on you, and to love others with the overflow of our hearts. Love is an outpouring, not a feeling. Purify our hearts so we can see the answers in your Word and want to obey them.

In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

Dear Reader, I wish you joy. I'm sorry about your pain. Please, do steps one through five above and know a joy, and a Savior, who will rock your world with goodness.  
 

Homeschool and Mother's Journal, Aug. 10

In my life this week:

Well, let's see. Let me rehash a little craziness for you.

I now carry an epi pen for Paul, age 9. Turns out he's allergic to yellow jacket bees. The entire top half of his body turned into one big hive, and so, yeah, we went to the emergency room, where they assured me it would be worse next time. They taught me how to use an epi pen. Fun stuff.

And Peter, age 11? He couldn't let Paul steal all the attention. Oh, no. He tried a trick on his bike and fractured a bone in his pinky finger and another in his hand. Three weeks in a cast...but it could be worse. It could be his whole 6-week vacation in a cast.

And not to be outdone, my 90-year-old father-in-law fell at a Florida store parking lot and ended up in the hospital, but is now in a rehab facility where he will get stronger in the next month or two before moving up here to Ohio to live with us.

My father-in-law asked me tonight on the phone, "I was wondering how warm you keep your house?"

I think he's still deciding if his arthritis can take the cold Ohio winter weather, and if he can take the four children. (My children know one volume...loud...unless they're reading. No, I haven't mentioned this yet.) Instead of shocking father-in-law with the real winter furnace numbers, (about 63 at night and 65 or 66 during the day) I replied, "Luther, we'll keep the house as warm as you like it."

He was worried about my boys, who he knew probably won't like a warm house. No kidding. My Peter runs around with no shirt on at 65 degrees. We may have to give grandpa a space heater in his room or we'll lose the house over the heating bill.

Lastly, Maybelline, without asking me, decided to quit making the combination foundation/powder/sunscreen make-up I've used for a long time. It hid a lot and went on lightly, not cakey. I wasted a long time in Walmart going around and around the two make-up aisles, trying to find it and then trying to find a replacement. Not that this matters in my life that much...it was just one of the things I could count on.

In our homeschool this week:

Technically, we're on vacation but my boys did more reading this week than they do on a typical school day. Peter, because he's supposed to rest, elevate and ice that hand/arm, and Paul because he's reading the best book ever (The Candymakers by Wendy Mass). Or at least it says so over on the Amazon reviews, and my Paul agrees.



Paul confessed to me more than once this year...."I'm sorry, Mommy, but I just don't love reading." Of course I knew this. He loves maps, statistics, charts, graphs and puzzles...typical math stuff. But right now he loves reading best of all and I have to thank Wendy Mass, middle-grades author, for that. It's glorious to hear my Paul exclaiming how much he loves a book.

Scholastic's Synopsis for The Candymakers: Four children have been chosen to compete in a national competition to find the tastiest confection in the country. Who will invent a candy more delicious than the Oozing Crunchorama or the Neon Lightning Chew? Logan, the Candymaker's son, who can detect the color of chocolate by touch alone? Miles, the boy who is allergic to merry-go-rounds and the color pink? Daisy, the cheerful girl who can lift a fifty-pound lump of taffy like it's a feather? Or Philip, the suit-and-tie wearing boy who's always scribbling in a secret notebook? This sweet, charming, and cleverly crafted story, told from each contestant's perspective, is filled with mystery, friendship, and juicy revelations.

I had the boys each summarize and evaluate their school year earlier this week, but we forgot to include any science details. This year they read:

The Story of Inventions
Diary of an Early American Boy
Electricity and Magnetism
How Things Work
Light and Color
The Usborne Complete Book of the Microscope
Tops Magnetism and Tops Electricity
Space, Stars, Planets and Spacecraft

By far they were most fascinated with The Usborne Complete Book of the Microscope.



At the time they read it we didn't have a microscope, but their aunt bought them one in July, and now they collect blood from bloody noses and fallen hair, etc. for microscopic study. This week they decided their microscope is too cheap and they want a super expensive one from Amazon. "Alrighty then. We'll pray then, shall we, boys?"

Places We're Going and People We're Seeing:

You mean besides the guys and gals in the emergency room? We didn't go anywhere else. Momma was on the phone a lot to Florida about Grandpa.

My Favorite Thing This Week:

Hearing my husband tell his father, "My wife is a very resourceful, capable person. It's amazing what she can accomplish. Her energy and love never give out and she can handle caring for you during the day, and I'll help at night."

My husband's love language is quality time and physical touch, so he rarely compliments me. He forgets that my main love language is affirming words (though I'm not picky after fourteen years of marriage, six pregnancies, and four active kids. I'll take the love any style it comes).

Anyway, hearing this said about me...well...it floored me in a good way. I never knew my husband thought these things about me, though I knew he loved me.

My Kids' Favorite Thing This Week:

Paul - Reading The Candymakers and playing rummikub with Mary and checkers with Peter

Peter - Putting various fluids and specimens under the microscope and having his praying mantis molt for the second time. The thing is huge now.

Mary - Playing in humongous rain puddles, finding a giant cucumber in our garden, playing rummikub with Paul, catching huge grasshoppers, finding several toads.

Beth - Pretending with her dollies and strollers and dishes and books, cuddling with Momma and playing in the rain puddles.

Things I'm Working On:

I was too busy this week to read any further on the Sonlight Eastern Hemisphere reading list, and school starts in 5 weeks. Now I'll have to carve out extra time this week to get everything pre-read in time. Sonlight picks wonderful, high-quality, heartwarming books, but you have to throw out a couple bad seeds every year...before your kids start reading, preferably.

And I'm working on finding this cricket in our laundry room that never made it into the frog's aquarium. It sings every night and for the life of me, I can't find it, and it never dies! It seems like it's been 5 weeks now.

I'm Cooking:
barbecued pork ribs, taco bake, crockpot whole chicken, chicken noodle soup, spaghetti, whole wheat pancakes, turkey burgers

I'm Grateful For:

My husband, my children, the police officer who took my father-in-law to the hospital after his fall, my Lord, all the Psalms King David wrote, that the Lord looks at the heart above all, the Lord's strong, sustaining, comforting arms, and my husband's too!

I'm Praying For:

Several friends' requests, that the swelling will go down in my Beth's arthritic knees, for my father-in-law, my children and my husband, and as always, for my extended family's salvation.

Quote to Share:

Matthew 19:26
But Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

And how was your week, friends?