My husband showers my physical self with praise. I'm fortunate that he does this and I do so appreciate it. But, it embarrasses me and I don't really receive it. That hurts him. He needs me to fully receive his praise; to believe it. And to behave as though I believe it.
That isn't the only thing.
We need to consciously touch throughout the day. When there's no touching, our words are quick...sometimes critical.
I read a post on Ann's blog today that amazed me. I'm not the only one who struggles with this. Please, read her post. It's simply amazing! Your marriage needs you to read it!
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
thoughts on Haiti
Like you I'm profoundly affected by the scenes from Haiti. For two days I've studied the Bible, in search of answers. I know the short answer: all suffering is the result of the fall of man. But I wanted something more specific to help me deal with the images and realizations. Why did this have to occur to the poorest nation in the western hemisphere? Ideas are swirling in my head, but I want to know what the Bible has to say. What can it offer us as we watch the devastation worsen, knowing that small babies will die soon, if formula doesn't arrive?
I'm not satisfied with my Scripture findings thus far. I want more. My search will continue and I'll get back here soon to report. In the meantime, I like this quote, by Christian writer Margaret Clarkson:
"Pain is pain. Sorrow is sorrow. It hurts. It limits. It works devastation deep within personality. It circumscribes in a thousand different ways. There is nothing good about it. But the gifts that God can give with it are the richest the human spirit can know."
I'm not satisfied with my Scripture findings thus far. I want more. My search will continue and I'll get back here soon to report. In the meantime, I like this quote, by Christian writer Margaret Clarkson:
"Pain is pain. Sorrow is sorrow. It hurts. It limits. It works devastation deep within personality. It circumscribes in a thousand different ways. There is nothing good about it. But the gifts that God can give with it are the richest the human spirit can know."
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Remembering God
Remember God today. Sundays can be hard, for various reasons, for the Christian family. The enemy attacks repeatedly, starting the moment your feet hit the floor in the morning. Please go to the Of First Importance blog, to read a quick devotional on the value of remembering God. It's very quick, as these posts always are. You'd be blessed to check this excellent devotional blog daily. You DO HAVE THE TIME!
Love you, Friends!
Love you, Friends!
Saturday, January 16, 2010
a real honor
Darkness surrounded me today. No, not a weather reference. Worries and hurts overwhelmed. I prayed while folding clothes. While doing dishes. While changing diapers. While hugging children--wearing a dutiful smile.
- My husband is in his early fifties. It's harder for older men to get jobs, even with new training. What happens when the unemployment runs out? We're drawing from it slower than some, since he has a part-time job and they take some out for that. What if the computer education does no good? Should we have used birth control after having just our two boys? Were we out of our minds? But then I think.....these kids....these girls.... are wonderful. They are rays of sunshine even on the darkest days. Certainly, God wanted them in our home? Certainly, they are a gift, as I've always thought? And yet, how will we support them? How, God? How much longer can we live like this? There are so few jobs, even after all these months.
- My son has been taking Strattera (an ADHD drug) for about a week. We're finding it wonderful in many respects. But it too, aggravates the anxiety (his co-morbid disorder). He spent much of today worrying about church class tomorrow, and being separated from us during that time. No matter what we say, he feels certain we will leave the building and forget him. His brain will not let him drop the subject, so we must continually address his fears, all day. To no avail. Reasoning with an anxiety sufferer does no good. My heart aches for my son. Why, Lord, must he be so afflicted? Finally, a medicine that works beautifully in so many respects, except in this one. Why can't he feel carefree, childhood joy? Why this persistent separation anxiety? And should we throw out the medicine, or wait to see if this subsides as his body gets used to it? One more week? Two more? I know so many kids suffer far, far more than this. I am ashamed of my "why him", "why us" questions. Why not us? That's what I should be thinking.
- My husband may be clinically depressed. I don't know how to help him, and he can't offer me much, on these days. I have very few of these days, thankfully. Pray for my husband, please? My pastor will set him up with a Christian doctor to address the depression ( if husband is agreeable to this).
9:00 pm arrives. Kids asleep...my husband away at a part-time job. I found the time to look up sermons on comfort. Just reading comfort verses from the Bible didn't help. I found this--a wonderful sermon on encouragement. Thank God for on-line sermons! Whatever you might need, at any given time, is right there. This isn't the first time one of these jewels really turned my day around.
I'm out of the depths. My son will be equipped to comfort others, in their affliction. God will use him. God will use my husband. It's all painful now, but I must think of the future, when it will be used to comfort someone, and to glorify God. When God uses you, count yourself blessed. It's a real honor.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
Matthew 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
A quote from the encouragement sermon, linked above.
"God does not comfort you to make you comfortable, but to make you comforters." (carm.org)
Life feels hopeful again. Happy. Blessed. Full.
Now I think I 'll bake up some oatmeal raisin cookies. Sound good?
- My husband is in his early fifties. It's harder for older men to get jobs, even with new training. What happens when the unemployment runs out? We're drawing from it slower than some, since he has a part-time job and they take some out for that. What if the computer education does no good? Should we have used birth control after having just our two boys? Were we out of our minds? But then I think.....these kids....these girls.... are wonderful. They are rays of sunshine even on the darkest days. Certainly, God wanted them in our home? Certainly, they are a gift, as I've always thought? And yet, how will we support them? How, God? How much longer can we live like this? There are so few jobs, even after all these months.
- My son has been taking Strattera (an ADHD drug) for about a week. We're finding it wonderful in many respects. But it too, aggravates the anxiety (his co-morbid disorder). He spent much of today worrying about church class tomorrow, and being separated from us during that time. No matter what we say, he feels certain we will leave the building and forget him. His brain will not let him drop the subject, so we must continually address his fears, all day. To no avail. Reasoning with an anxiety sufferer does no good. My heart aches for my son. Why, Lord, must he be so afflicted? Finally, a medicine that works beautifully in so many respects, except in this one. Why can't he feel carefree, childhood joy? Why this persistent separation anxiety? And should we throw out the medicine, or wait to see if this subsides as his body gets used to it? One more week? Two more? I know so many kids suffer far, far more than this. I am ashamed of my "why him", "why us" questions. Why not us? That's what I should be thinking.
- My husband may be clinically depressed. I don't know how to help him, and he can't offer me much, on these days. I have very few of these days, thankfully. Pray for my husband, please? My pastor will set him up with a Christian doctor to address the depression ( if husband is agreeable to this).
9:00 pm arrives. Kids asleep...my husband away at a part-time job. I found the time to look up sermons on comfort. Just reading comfort verses from the Bible didn't help. I found this--a wonderful sermon on encouragement. Thank God for on-line sermons! Whatever you might need, at any given time, is right there. This isn't the first time one of these jewels really turned my day around.
I'm out of the depths. My son will be equipped to comfort others, in their affliction. God will use him. God will use my husband. It's all painful now, but I must think of the future, when it will be used to comfort someone, and to glorify God. When God uses you, count yourself blessed. It's a real honor.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
Matthew 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
A quote from the encouragement sermon, linked above.
"God does not comfort you to make you comfortable, but to make you comforters." (carm.org)
Life feels hopeful again. Happy. Blessed. Full.
Now I think I 'll bake up some oatmeal raisin cookies. Sound good?
Friday, January 15, 2010
start today
I wrote a Valentine post earlier this morning, and I thought that would be it for the day. But alas, something pressing seems to need airing. Is it the Holy Spirit making it pressing? I never know for sure, but just in case, here goes.
After counseling with my Pastor last Tuesday, I felt much relief. But as Jess brought up in the comments, talking to a Pastor is scary. After you choose it you can never walk the halls of your church again, pretending you are whole. Your secrets are out, and even though they may only be shared with your Pastor's wife, it still makes you feel rather naked, cellulite and all. Yuck!
This blog seems to have thirty regular readers, and 40 more who are occasional but recurring visitors. Someone out there might need this post, and she might check in on just the right day to receive it.
If fear is keeping you from seeking help, consider this. Your Pastor leads his church flock--a flock strategically put there by the Lord. If he is a good leader, his flock affects the world for Christ. If he is a poor leader, his flock flounders in their homes, and in their witnessing. If we, the flock, hide our true selves, showing up in Sunday best, pretending to be all holy and perpetually happy, what does it accomplish?
We need to pray much for Pastors, for a variety of reasons. They have a lot of weight on their shoulders! Counseling takes a lot out of them and our fervent prayers help them release the weight to God. They MUST let it go, to be effective. And even though it feels heavy, they must counsel! It is often the only way they'll rid their flock of dysfunction.
We, too, must let the weight go. We must! Dysfunction is sin. Even if it wasn't our sin that brought about the dysfunction in the first place, we are sinning if we let the original sin continue to affect future generations. Release your family line from the dysfunction! Release your own children from it! Release yourself.
Pastor told me that his own mother was dealt a hand similar to mine--a dysfunctional parent who wasn't available to her emotionally. Even after the dysfunctional mother passed away, his mother still carried the hurt caused by insufficient love. Pastor tried to help her release it, but she couldn't.
Or perhaps....she wouldn't?
I can't go through my day and expect the hurt not to return. I have to actively fight its presence. The enemy will continue to bring it to my mind, setting me up for a spiritual battle.
Here is how you might arm yourself for the battle:
- the Word (either through the Bible alone, or with a mixture of the Bible, devotionals, and non-fiction Christian books--anything that contains Scripture.)
- Worship music (whatever style makes you feel the Lord's presence)
- Prayer (have a system in place to pray for this particular need throughout the day. Every time I nurse my baby, I pray for this situation, and all involved).
- Fellowship with other believers
- Exercise (helps with any sort of stress--like you're releasing it along with your sweat. Weird how that works!)
- Pour yourself into your husband and children. Really bless their socks off. Concentrate on that. Pouring out love can make up for a lack of love. In fact, if we lack anything, we have to pour out more of it--whether it be love, time, money.
One more thing.
If you are the only one in your extended family who is ready to release this dysfunction, you might be hated, or at the very least, thought of as cold and hard. That hurts a whole lot, let me tell you. And it can make you feel more alone than you've ever felt in your life. It is a huge mountain to climb.
Start today.
After counseling with my Pastor last Tuesday, I felt much relief. But as Jess brought up in the comments, talking to a Pastor is scary. After you choose it you can never walk the halls of your church again, pretending you are whole. Your secrets are out, and even though they may only be shared with your Pastor's wife, it still makes you feel rather naked, cellulite and all. Yuck!
This blog seems to have thirty regular readers, and 40 more who are occasional but recurring visitors. Someone out there might need this post, and she might check in on just the right day to receive it.
If fear is keeping you from seeking help, consider this. Your Pastor leads his church flock--a flock strategically put there by the Lord. If he is a good leader, his flock affects the world for Christ. If he is a poor leader, his flock flounders in their homes, and in their witnessing. If we, the flock, hide our true selves, showing up in Sunday best, pretending to be all holy and perpetually happy, what does it accomplish?
We need to pray much for Pastors, for a variety of reasons. They have a lot of weight on their shoulders! Counseling takes a lot out of them and our fervent prayers help them release the weight to God. They MUST let it go, to be effective. And even though it feels heavy, they must counsel! It is often the only way they'll rid their flock of dysfunction.
We, too, must let the weight go. We must! Dysfunction is sin. Even if it wasn't our sin that brought about the dysfunction in the first place, we are sinning if we let the original sin continue to affect future generations. Release your family line from the dysfunction! Release your own children from it! Release yourself.
Pastor told me that his own mother was dealt a hand similar to mine--a dysfunctional parent who wasn't available to her emotionally. Even after the dysfunctional mother passed away, his mother still carried the hurt caused by insufficient love. Pastor tried to help her release it, but she couldn't.
Or perhaps....she wouldn't?
I can't go through my day and expect the hurt not to return. I have to actively fight its presence. The enemy will continue to bring it to my mind, setting me up for a spiritual battle.
Here is how you might arm yourself for the battle:
- the Word (either through the Bible alone, or with a mixture of the Bible, devotionals, and non-fiction Christian books--anything that contains Scripture.)
- Worship music (whatever style makes you feel the Lord's presence)
- Prayer (have a system in place to pray for this particular need throughout the day. Every time I nurse my baby, I pray for this situation, and all involved).
- Fellowship with other believers
- Exercise (helps with any sort of stress--like you're releasing it along with your sweat. Weird how that works!)
- Pour yourself into your husband and children. Really bless their socks off. Concentrate on that. Pouring out love can make up for a lack of love. In fact, if we lack anything, we have to pour out more of it--whether it be love, time, money.
One more thing.
If you are the only one in your extended family who is ready to release this dysfunction, you might be hated, or at the very least, thought of as cold and hard. That hurts a whole lot, let me tell you. And it can make you feel more alone than you've ever felt in your life. It is a huge mountain to climb.
Start today.
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