I wrote a Valentine post earlier this morning, and I thought that would be it for the day. But alas, something pressing seems to need airing. Is it the Holy Spirit making it pressing? I never know for sure, but just in case, here goes.
After counseling with my Pastor last Tuesday, I felt much relief. But as Jess brought up in the comments, talking to a Pastor is scary. After you choose it you can never walk the halls of your church again, pretending you are whole. Your secrets are out, and even though they may only be shared with your Pastor's wife, it still makes you feel rather naked, cellulite and all. Yuck!
This blog seems to have thirty regular readers, and 40 more who are occasional but recurring visitors. Someone out there might need this post, and she might check in on just the right day to receive it.
If fear is keeping you from seeking help, consider this. Your Pastor leads his church flock--a flock strategically put there by the Lord. If he is a good leader, his flock affects the world for Christ. If he is a poor leader, his flock flounders in their homes, and in their witnessing. If we, the flock, hide our true selves, showing up in Sunday best, pretending to be all holy and perpetually happy, what does it accomplish?
We need to pray much for Pastors, for a variety of reasons. They have a lot of weight on their shoulders! Counseling takes a lot out of them and our fervent prayers help them release the weight to God. They MUST let it go, to be effective. And even though it feels heavy, they must counsel! It is often the only way they'll rid their flock of dysfunction.
We, too, must let the weight go. We must! Dysfunction is sin. Even if it wasn't our sin that brought about the dysfunction in the first place, we are sinning if we let the original sin continue to affect future generations. Release your family line from the dysfunction! Release your own children from it! Release yourself.
Pastor told me that his own mother was dealt a hand similar to mine--a dysfunctional parent who wasn't available to her emotionally. Even after the dysfunctional mother passed away, his mother still carried the hurt caused by insufficient love. Pastor tried to help her release it, but she couldn't.
Or perhaps....she wouldn't?
I can't go through my day and expect the hurt not to return. I have to actively fight its presence. The enemy will continue to bring it to my mind, setting me up for a spiritual battle.
Here is how you might arm yourself for the battle:
- the Word (either through the Bible alone, or with a mixture of the Bible, devotionals, and non-fiction Christian books--anything that contains Scripture.)
- Worship music (whatever style makes you feel the Lord's presence)
- Prayer (have a system in place to pray for this particular need throughout the day. Every time I nurse my baby, I pray for this situation, and all involved).
- Fellowship with other believers
- Exercise (helps with any sort of stress--like you're releasing it along with your sweat. Weird how that works!)
- Pour yourself into your husband and children. Really bless their socks off. Concentrate on that. Pouring out love can make up for a lack of love. In fact, if we lack anything, we have to pour out more of it--whether it be love, time, money.
One more thing.
If you are the only one in your extended family who is ready to release this dysfunction, you might be hated, or at the very least, thought of as cold and hard. That hurts a whole lot, let me tell you. And it can make you feel more alone than you've ever felt in your life. It is a huge mountain to climb.
Start today.
2 comments:
I wish I had more time. I read your prior post and was so encouraged at the help you receieved.
There can be such fear in being open and honest. I could definately relate to Jess, in my past experience.
The leaders at my church have taught me how to be open about my struggle with sin by first acknowleding their own weakness. I think we often think everyone else has it together and no one really does. We all fall short daily...maybe in different ways but it's all announcing our great need to be saved.
If leaders take your vulnerablitiy and judge, you might be in the wrong place. The church should be the safest place on earth and yet it often isn't.
Anyway, many thoughts but gotta run. So glad to hear you found input being isolated is not how we were built to be. I tend to do this to myself with a child that struggles and it's not good.
Back to boxes and baby.
Yes, Sandi is right. I wasn't thinking about the fact that there are bad churches and bad pastors. If you're in one, you'll know it soon, hopefully. You'll have a lack of peace when you're there.
Thanks for your input everyone!
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