a real honor

Darkness surrounded me today.  No, not a weather reference. Worries and hurts overwhelmed.  I prayed while folding clothes.  While doing dishes.  While changing diapers.  While hugging children--wearing a dutiful smile.

- My husband is in his early fifties.  It's harder for older men to get jobs, even with new training.  What happens when the unemployment runs out?  We're drawing from it slower than some, since he has a part-time job and they take some out for that.  What if the computer education does no good?  Should we have used birth control after having just our two boys?  Were we out of our minds?  But then I think.....these kids....these girls.... are wonderful.  They are rays of sunshine even on the darkest days.  Certainly, God wanted them in our home?  Certainly, they are a gift, as I've always thought?  And yet, how will we support them?  How, God?  How much longer can we live like this?  There are so few jobs, even after all these months.

- My son has been taking Strattera (an ADHD drug) for about a week.  We're finding it wonderful in many respects.  But it too, aggravates the anxiety (his co-morbid disorder).  He spent much of today worrying about church class tomorrow, and being separated from us during that time.  No matter what we say, he feels certain we will leave the building and forget him.  His brain will not let him drop the subject, so we must continually address his fears, all day.  To no avail.  Reasoning with an anxiety sufferer does no good.  My heart aches for my son.  Why, Lord, must he be so afflicted?  Finally, a medicine that works beautifully in so many respects, except in this one.  Why can't he feel carefree, childhood joy?  Why this persistent separation anxiety?  And should we throw out the medicine, or wait to see if this subsides as his body gets used to it?  One more week?  Two more?  I know so many kids suffer far, far more than this.   I am ashamed of my "why him", "why us" questions.  Why not us?  That's what I should be thinking.

- My husband may be clinically depressed.  I don't know how to help him, and he can't offer me much, on these days.  I have very few of these days, thankfully.  Pray for my husband, please?  My pastor will set him up with a Christian doctor to address the depression ( if husband is agreeable to this).

9:00 pm arrives.  Kids asleep...my husband away at a part-time job.  I found the time to look up sermons on comfort.  Just reading comfort verses from the Bible didn't help.  I found this--a wonderful sermon on encouragement.  Thank God for on-line sermons!  Whatever you might need, at any given time, is right there.  This isn't the first time one of these jewels really turned my day around.

I'm out of the depths.  My son will be equipped to comfort others, in their affliction.  God will use him.  God will use my husband.  It's all painful now, but I must think of the future, when it will be used to comfort someone, and to glorify God.  When God uses you, count yourself blessed.  It's a real honor.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.

Matthew 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

A quote from the encouragement sermon, linked above.
"God does not comfort you to make you comfortable, but to make you comforters." (carm.org)

Life feels hopeful again.  Happy.  Blessed.  Full.

Now I think I 'll bake up some oatmeal raisin cookies.  Sound good?