As moms, we too often focus on the ways we fall short.
That grace we were reaching for in the witching hours? We didn't quite get there.
The nagging--which, if you'll permit me a generalization, probably occurs more frequently in homes with boys--gets on everyone's nerves. And yet, doing it all for them--picking up wet towels, socks, shoes, dirty clothes--only prolongs their dependence. What's a mother to do? We strive for a calm, quiet reminding voice, but inevitably, by midday, our calmness dissipates.
Our self-esteem often plummets with our calmness.
Let me take a moment to remind you, and me, why we need to look upon ourselves with grace in this season.. My sister-in-law is visiting as you know, and my husband noted this morning that she desperately needs a break from the kids, which I'm sure is true. She arrived Tuesday at 3 p.m. Today is Thursday.
It sometimes takes a visitor's reaction to domestic Mommy life to remind us how long and hard we work, pouring ourselves out, with no break. Most people thrown into our situation could. not. handle. it. In fact, God rarely throws someone into domestic child-rearing life suddenly. We grow our families slowly, and as the craziness multiplies, so does our patience, skill, and tolerance. Praise the Lord!
But in all of it, we lose sight of this: This domestic Mommy gig is the hardest, longest job of all. Caring for aging parents is hard too, but generally not as long. Grace, Momma. Flood yourself with it today.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
A beautiful day
My gratitude list:
- My baby is still a baby for 38 more days. When she's two, what will I do? Yikes!
- My seven-year-old birthday boy said of his birthday, "This was my best day ever!" Praise God!
- My house is clean, notwithstanding the vacuum cleaner that keeps spitting out the dirt. Husband took it apart tonight, so I'll give it a try tomorrow. Perhaps it doesn't like leaves? Who knows! Anyhow, my house is clean. That's the blessing part!
- The chocolate birthday cake was delicious. Every time I make this cake, I'm astounded by how good it is. Really. I've given it to you before, but I know most people don't have time to click on links. Come back for this link when you have time. It really is a delightful cake. And simple. What in the world was I doing using a cake mix for most of my life? Oh, how I wish someone had told me! There really is a difference!
- Auntie Lorrie always brings the children their Christmas present during her November visit. They had a wonderful night. We all did. Pics coming tomorrow.
- Lorrie is people-oriented and I am task-oriented. In fact, it doesn't even occur to her to take her dinner plate to the kitchen. Even when I was eight months pregnant and trying to make Thanksgiving dinner with swollen feet and veins, she did not help. She always plays with the kids. Not surprisingly, the first ten years of our relationship, there was strain--typical in-law strain. She is basically my only in-law, because husband's mother died in an accident when he was sixteen, and there isn't a relationship with his father. I explained that situation in my previous blog, but haven't touched on it here. Anyhow, Lorrie and I simply didn't understand each other. When she would visit, I always felt like Cinderella. Everybody else had loads of fun. For the longest time, I thought her behavior very rude. Now that I understand her natural bent, and my own, I can let it all go and appreciate her.
I can't tell you exactly how she feels now, but I think seeing how much work the children are time and again, along with the meals and laundry, she now understands that unless I stay on my toes, the family isn't well cared for. She understands and appreciates me more now, too.
For my part, I have to be mindful that task-oriented mothers need to try very hard to make time for their children. Whatever a mother's bent, her children need her presence. Depending on the child's specific love language, some more than others.
I encourage you, if you have difficulty with an in-law, to consider how God made that person. Is she (or he) a Martha and you are a Mary? Or vice versa? They can't help their natural tendencies anymore than you can. Just something to chew on.
More tomorrow, friends. Many more blessings.
Love to all!
- My baby is still a baby for 38 more days. When she's two, what will I do? Yikes!
- My seven-year-old birthday boy said of his birthday, "This was my best day ever!" Praise God!
- My house is clean, notwithstanding the vacuum cleaner that keeps spitting out the dirt. Husband took it apart tonight, so I'll give it a try tomorrow. Perhaps it doesn't like leaves? Who knows! Anyhow, my house is clean. That's the blessing part!
- The chocolate birthday cake was delicious. Every time I make this cake, I'm astounded by how good it is. Really. I've given it to you before, but I know most people don't have time to click on links. Come back for this link when you have time. It really is a delightful cake. And simple. What in the world was I doing using a cake mix for most of my life? Oh, how I wish someone had told me! There really is a difference!
- Auntie Lorrie always brings the children their Christmas present during her November visit. They had a wonderful night. We all did. Pics coming tomorrow.
- Lorrie is people-oriented and I am task-oriented. In fact, it doesn't even occur to her to take her dinner plate to the kitchen. Even when I was eight months pregnant and trying to make Thanksgiving dinner with swollen feet and veins, she did not help. She always plays with the kids. Not surprisingly, the first ten years of our relationship, there was strain--typical in-law strain. She is basically my only in-law, because husband's mother died in an accident when he was sixteen, and there isn't a relationship with his father. I explained that situation in my previous blog, but haven't touched on it here. Anyhow, Lorrie and I simply didn't understand each other. When she would visit, I always felt like Cinderella. Everybody else had loads of fun. For the longest time, I thought her behavior very rude. Now that I understand her natural bent, and my own, I can let it all go and appreciate her.
I can't tell you exactly how she feels now, but I think seeing how much work the children are time and again, along with the meals and laundry, she now understands that unless I stay on my toes, the family isn't well cared for. She understands and appreciates me more now, too.
For my part, I have to be mindful that task-oriented mothers need to try very hard to make time for their children. Whatever a mother's bent, her children need her presence. Depending on the child's specific love language, some more than others.
I encourage you, if you have difficulty with an in-law, to consider how God made that person. Is she (or he) a Martha and you are a Mary? Or vice versa? They can't help their natural tendencies anymore than you can. Just something to chew on.
More tomorrow, friends. Many more blessings.
Love to all!
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
unwinding
Did I mention I had a guest coming Tuesday afternoon? And needed to purge items to send back with our guest? And declutter and clean the house? And make a seventh birthday cake for Paul, and shop for the coolest, big boy, model-type Lego toy to be found for under $20.00? And decorate the house with balloons and streamers? Decorations are Peter's present to the birthday boy--who celebrates his big day tomorrow. (No party is planned--my kids just love party decor.)
I had no help today, needless to say. No, Auntie Lorrie is not picky. But this house is so not clean and ready. And her room is not ready. I've only gotten so far as finishing the packaging of the giveaway stuff I was storing in half that room (baby's room).
I should add that we have inadequate storage space (no garage or basement) so getting ready for a guest is always problematic.
Children eight and under do not leave their Momma alone. Much.
They try, perhaps, but the more I stick to my guest-readying tasks, the worse things become. Taking little cuddle breaks helps some. But they always know when Momma's on a cleaning mission; things are never good after that. They love their Auntie Lorrie intensely, but that love never translates into cooperation when housekeeping tasks become paramount.. What that love does translate to, is excited chaos.
And don't even get me started on the AT&T company who kept me on the phone for an hour, mostly on hold, while they connected me to seven different people, usually prefacing the switch with, "Let me get a specialist who can handle that." Baby Beth screamed the last fifteen minutes of my hold time.
Why, pray tell, did I need to speak with AT&T? Since you asked, I'll get it off my chest. I called last month to cancel my Internet service, in an effort to save money. But as we thought about the job hunting, and the time necessary at the library to send out e-mail resumes, it didn't seem feasible for our schedule to cancel service entirely. So I downgraded to basic speed. It appears that the order went through, since I can no longer use the Internet to watch/listen to Christian music without the video freezing up multiple times. Nor can I watch any news videos.
Anyhow, when the bill came today, I noticed I was still getting charged for the faster speed. After an hour, when I finally got the right attendant and we were nearly done, my cell phone dropped the call. This was after I bounced my very upset baby on my hip for the last fifteen minutes of the call! I wonder why they can't train their people to do more than one simple customer service task? The second to last attendant took all my information, acted like he was going to help me, and then put me on hold, only to tell me later that he could upgrade someone's service, but not downgrade it.
So, I'm back to square one. Slow Internet speed for too much money. I think I'll wait a day to deal with them again. Thanks be to God that I was patient, even if Baby was not.
To say I had a challenging day is an understatement. I'm not sure I've ever needed to count blessings more than I do today.
My gratitude list:
- my children have a Christian relative in their Auntie Lorrie, whom we all love dearly They have only two other Christian relatives--my father's sister, who resides in our small township, and husband's aunt, who resides in PA..
- that I even have a house to declutter
- that a little fourteen-month-old boy and his young parents are getting eight large garbage bags of loot. Wish I could have packaged it better, but boxes wouldn't fit as well and we wanted to get it all out in one load.
- that Paul gets to go to Toys R Us tomorrow with Daddy, to pick out some sports equipment, per Grandma and Grandpa's birthday check. Maybe I can get husband to take all four kids with him, before he leaves for work? I can clean at a very rapid pace when the house is empty!
- that I have a sounding board for days like today, in my Internet friends. Much better than burdening husband. He doesn't need news of hassles at home right now.
- that my little Mary is singing her Christmas pageant songs loud and proud. She loves the CD we were given to practice with! We all do, actually.
- that I still like my haircut, on day two.
- that we have a working furnace (bitterly cold today)
- that libraries are nice places to go in the winter (all year, of course, but winter especially).
- that I may have the van to myself soon, if all goes well, and can go to libraries at will during the snow months. Do you think that second car is coming just in time to save Momma's winter sanity? Yes, I agree.
- That my heavenly father prompted me to go into Mary's room for a cuddle after a tough day. She woke her sister up tonight after I tried so hard to settle Beth down to sleep. Momma was harsh at first.
- That I know tomorrow will probably not go as smoothly as I hope, but that Lorrie is kind and understanding and it won't matter a bit to her. Daddy won't arrive home until late, so thank goodness Lorrie will be here to help sing Paul a happy birthday and share his cake and Lego delight.
- My kids will be so happy when Lorrie comes through that door, that all the stress of getting the abode ready and comfortable will melt away. They are always proud of Momma when the house is nice and clean for guests. Strange, huh? That they make it so difficult, yet appreciate it so much?
- That once Lorrie arrives, I'll be able to love on my little Beth to my heart's content. She deserves some one on one, beyond our sweet nursing times. That time always gets neglected when I'm involved in a project. Wish we had grandparents here to help with these times.
- That my experiences here remind me to pray for my children's adult needs--that they'll develop rich support systems as they build their families. We are older parents and we'll be even older grandparents, but this matter isn't too big for Father, to be sure.
I had no help today, needless to say. No, Auntie Lorrie is not picky. But this house is so not clean and ready. And her room is not ready. I've only gotten so far as finishing the packaging of the giveaway stuff I was storing in half that room (baby's room).
I should add that we have inadequate storage space (no garage or basement) so getting ready for a guest is always problematic.
Children eight and under do not leave their Momma alone. Much.
They try, perhaps, but the more I stick to my guest-readying tasks, the worse things become. Taking little cuddle breaks helps some. But they always know when Momma's on a cleaning mission; things are never good after that. They love their Auntie Lorrie intensely, but that love never translates into cooperation when housekeeping tasks become paramount.. What that love does translate to, is excited chaos.
And don't even get me started on the AT&T company who kept me on the phone for an hour, mostly on hold, while they connected me to seven different people, usually prefacing the switch with, "Let me get a specialist who can handle that." Baby Beth screamed the last fifteen minutes of my hold time.
Why, pray tell, did I need to speak with AT&T? Since you asked, I'll get it off my chest. I called last month to cancel my Internet service, in an effort to save money. But as we thought about the job hunting, and the time necessary at the library to send out e-mail resumes, it didn't seem feasible for our schedule to cancel service entirely. So I downgraded to basic speed. It appears that the order went through, since I can no longer use the Internet to watch/listen to Christian music without the video freezing up multiple times. Nor can I watch any news videos.
Anyhow, when the bill came today, I noticed I was still getting charged for the faster speed. After an hour, when I finally got the right attendant and we were nearly done, my cell phone dropped the call. This was after I bounced my very upset baby on my hip for the last fifteen minutes of the call! I wonder why they can't train their people to do more than one simple customer service task? The second to last attendant took all my information, acted like he was going to help me, and then put me on hold, only to tell me later that he could upgrade someone's service, but not downgrade it.
So, I'm back to square one. Slow Internet speed for too much money. I think I'll wait a day to deal with them again. Thanks be to God that I was patient, even if Baby was not.
To say I had a challenging day is an understatement. I'm not sure I've ever needed to count blessings more than I do today.
My gratitude list:
- my children have a Christian relative in their Auntie Lorrie, whom we all love dearly They have only two other Christian relatives--my father's sister, who resides in our small township, and husband's aunt, who resides in PA..
- that I even have a house to declutter
- that a little fourteen-month-old boy and his young parents are getting eight large garbage bags of loot. Wish I could have packaged it better, but boxes wouldn't fit as well and we wanted to get it all out in one load.
- that Paul gets to go to Toys R Us tomorrow with Daddy, to pick out some sports equipment, per Grandma and Grandpa's birthday check. Maybe I can get husband to take all four kids with him, before he leaves for work? I can clean at a very rapid pace when the house is empty!
- that I have a sounding board for days like today, in my Internet friends. Much better than burdening husband. He doesn't need news of hassles at home right now.
- that my little Mary is singing her Christmas pageant songs loud and proud. She loves the CD we were given to practice with! We all do, actually.
- that I still like my haircut, on day two.
- that we have a working furnace (bitterly cold today)
- that libraries are nice places to go in the winter (all year, of course, but winter especially).
- that I may have the van to myself soon, if all goes well, and can go to libraries at will during the snow months. Do you think that second car is coming just in time to save Momma's winter sanity? Yes, I agree.
- That my heavenly father prompted me to go into Mary's room for a cuddle after a tough day. She woke her sister up tonight after I tried so hard to settle Beth down to sleep. Momma was harsh at first.
- That I know tomorrow will probably not go as smoothly as I hope, but that Lorrie is kind and understanding and it won't matter a bit to her. Daddy won't arrive home until late, so thank goodness Lorrie will be here to help sing Paul a happy birthday and share his cake and Lego delight.
- My kids will be so happy when Lorrie comes through that door, that all the stress of getting the abode ready and comfortable will melt away. They are always proud of Momma when the house is nice and clean for guests. Strange, huh? That they make it so difficult, yet appreciate it so much?
- That once Lorrie arrives, I'll be able to love on my little Beth to my heart's content. She deserves some one on one, beyond our sweet nursing times. That time always gets neglected when I'm involved in a project. Wish we had grandparents here to help with these times.
- That my experiences here remind me to pray for my children's adult needs--that they'll develop rich support systems as they build their families. We are older parents and we'll be even older grandparents, but this matter isn't too big for Father, to be sure.
Monday, November 1, 2010
smile - here's why
Saturday featured a haircut for Momma--a six-inch trimming of one-length hair, leaving it an inch below the chin. I walked into the house expecting only stares, remembering the non-event my last big haircut was. Instead, I got nothing. I mean nothing. Not even a sideways glance, people. And if I must say so myself, it looks 100% better. Really.
There are positives in this whole thing. I'll list them:
- They love me for me, not because of my looks.
- They aren't noticing my wrinkles and inelastic skin, either.
- They aren't noticing that one's neck ages first. (Put sunscreen on your neck and hands, all you thirty-somethings).
- They aren't noticing that the acne scars on my chin age me about eight years. I asked the beautician to be sure and keep my chin covered with hair, as I'd hate to have my acne scars highlighted. She said, "Honestly, I didn't even notice them." Beauticians are special people!
I found looking into the mirror during my haircut, with the daylight shining in on me, to be a sobering experience. What it taught me:
- Smiling makes even old people look attractive. Smile. Smile. Smile. You can never smile too much. It's an outward adornment of which Jesus wholeheartedly approves!
- If you think your wrinkles are ugly now, just think how you must look yelling, arguing, or scowling. Yikes! Aging is good for only one thing:
It forces us to build our inner beauty, which is only accomplished by setting our gaze on God and eternity.
Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.
1 Peter 3:3-7
There are positives in this whole thing. I'll list them:
- They love me for me, not because of my looks.
- They aren't noticing my wrinkles and inelastic skin, either.
- They aren't noticing that one's neck ages first. (Put sunscreen on your neck and hands, all you thirty-somethings).
- They aren't noticing that the acne scars on my chin age me about eight years. I asked the beautician to be sure and keep my chin covered with hair, as I'd hate to have my acne scars highlighted. She said, "Honestly, I didn't even notice them." Beauticians are special people!
I found looking into the mirror during my haircut, with the daylight shining in on me, to be a sobering experience. What it taught me:
- Smiling makes even old people look attractive. Smile. Smile. Smile. You can never smile too much. It's an outward adornment of which Jesus wholeheartedly approves!
- If you think your wrinkles are ugly now, just think how you must look yelling, arguing, or scowling. Yikes! Aging is good for only one thing:
It forces us to build our inner beauty, which is only accomplished by setting our gaze on God and eternity.
Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.
1 Peter 3:3-7
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)