4 Ways To Love Your Neighbor

We all know this command by heart:


Mark 12:31
 ³¹The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’^[b] There is no commandment greater than these.” source


But how many of us really know how to love our neighbor as ourselves? What does it look like? My husband and I discussed this a lot recently, based upon the times we've felt unloved. Those discussions led to the four How To Love Your Neighbor points I'm sharing today:


1. Acknowledge Your Neighbor 


The first step in loving your neighbor is to acknowledge your neighbor. Don't drive by your neighbor without waving. Say hello to fellow employees and churchgoers in the halls. Shake hands with newcomers at church. Greet the check-out employee, the meat workers, the produce workers, the mailman, the custodian, the support staff at hospitals and cafeterias. If you're shy like me this doesn't come naturally, but that's no excuse for leaving these simple, loving gestures out of our social repertoire. God created us to need love and the first step is to be noticed. 


Did you know that 60% of Smart-phone users are addicted to their phones? (A fact gathered from the John Tesh radio show featured on my Christian radio station.) Do you go to the library with your kids and see all the moms with their eyes on various electronic devices, rather than on their kids? That tells you a little about the human need to be noticed. Are they checking e-mail or social networks? Some of them are self-involved to a fault, but others are isolated daily with their kids and simply feel unloved. They're looking to see who acknowledged them.


In the past people lived in one place longer and interacted with their neighbors more. Mothers were mostly homemakers and they networked around the neighborhood. We've become more mobile and more diverse, but our love needs haven't changed. It's just that now we meet our needs in other ways, such as online. This method comes with drawbacks, but used wisely it's a blessing.


2.  Acknowledge Their Pain 


I sent Christmas letters out last year to friends and family, some of whom hadn't heard from us in two years. Simple information about Beth's arthritis diagnosis was tucked into a paragraph. Even though we got reciprocal letters or cards back, not a single person acknowledged that my daughter suffers from something painful. Not a single person said they'd pray, even. My husband took it in stride, but I was hurt. Beth's life changed drastically, as did our whole family's, and it meant nothing to people, or so it seemed. Pain is an expected part of life, but it still smarts. It still needs to be acknowledged.


Recently I've come across a few well-written blog posts detailing an individual's or a family's pain and suffering. Countless comments mentioned how inspiring the stories were, but very few people added, "I'm sorry you've experienced such terrible pain...I'm sorry your husband left you...I'm sorry you deal with chronic pain...I'm sorry you're suffering from a broken heart, etc.


When we comment that a story is inspiring, we're writing from our own perspective. We're focusing on how it helps us. It's a nice thing to say and the writer will feel glad they've taken the time to recount their story, but will they feel loved?


If someone loses a baby, a spouse, a job, a home, mention it in conversation. Ask how they are doing in the grieving process. Dana, who lost her son when a dresser crushed him, mentioned early on how it hurt when people skirted around the death of her son in everyday conversation, as though the topic were taboo. Nothing hurts more than saying nothing. If you can't find the words, simply give a hug and whisper "I'm praying"; or send a card that says, "I'm so sorry you're hurting. I am praying for you." Nothing elaborate or poetic required.


Usually the people who acknowledge pain are those who've experienced pain. If you've been spared serious personal pain, you'll have to try harder to acknowledge the pain of others. Pray for a compassionate heart. Pray that you'll not judge, but love. 


3. Lend Your Support 


~  Don't ask the new mother just home from the hospital if she needs anything. Of course she does. She needs meals, diapers, babysitting, grocery runs. She also needs laundry folded. If she knows you and trusts you, just show up at the door and tell her you love her and want to be her maid or babysitter that day. "Don't worry about the house", you add. "I've been there." 


~ If you know someone is having a surgery, bring a meal. Or call and ask how it went. Pick up some milk, bread, and fruit for them and drop it by. People don't often ask. Maybe they're too overwhelmed or too disorganized to know they need help, until it feels too late. 


~ If someone lives alone or is still single, invite them to your home. Or stop by and visit. Give the gift of your time, especially to those with little or no family around. The sense of isolation can be terrible for them, but they may be too ashamed or proud to articulate it.


~ If someone is struggling with infertility, don't ask if they're pregnant yet, but do ask how they're doing.


~ Participate in a prayer network and really commit to praying. Or start a prayer network if your church or friend group doesn't have one.


4.  Learn The Love Languages


Have you heard of the Five Love Languages? We all have a primary and a secondary way we'd like to receive love--quality time, physical touch, acts of service, affirming words, receiving gifts. We tend to express love the way we'd like to receive it, rather than the way our neighbor needs to receive it. I encourage you to learn more about the languages by clicking the link and having each person in your home take the love language quiz.  Apparently we all have an apology language too.


So there you have our two cents on loving your neighbor. 


1. Acknowledge your neighbor 
2. Acknowledge their pain 
3. Lend your support 
4. Learn their love language


What have we left out? Please share what's been important to you over the years.


photo source

Blessings To Count

~ Girls who will finally let me fix their hair with bows and ties. oh the joy.


~ Miss Beth's eye inflammation, associated with her arthritis, did not return.  What a weight off our shoulders for now! We go back in three months for another check. She's sleeping much better but her weight is dropping fast; that's still a huge worry. The eye doctor mentioned that cancer and inflammation patients can get incorrect "I'm full" signals from the brain. He suggested I ask the rheumatologist about appetite stimulants, or possibly getting a referral to an endocrinologist. She's skin and bones only and looking at her is so painful! The rheumatologist thought the weight loss was due to her medication so she changed it six weeks ago.


~ Miss Beth telling the eye doctor that when she grows up, she will be a doctor like him. Next, Mary said she would be an animal rescuer, a cowgirl, a farmer and a mother. Doctor giggled. Peter said he would be a farmer and Paul promptly added that he would be a teacher. So there you have it. The future is planned and I get to spend lots of time at a lovely two-sibling family farm, which is just what I've always wanted. I kid you not.


~ Miss Beth crawling between us on Sunday morning and hugging us both, telling us we're her "best frens forever."


~ Miss Mary praying for Hunter's fat, injured lip at dinner. "He's not my friend at AWANA but I just like being nice to people. His lip looks just like Paul's did when he hurt it."


~ Paul, age 8, telling me during bath time, "Mommy, I just don't know if I will have a happy family when I grow up."  "Why do you think that?" "Because there just aren't any girls I like. Boys like to do things I like to do, like wrestle and be wild." "Well, Honey, you just aren't at the age yet for God to give you an interest in girls. You don't need to worry about this. When you're older you'll find the perfect girl and she won't care about wrestling and that will be just fine with you. You'll appreciate her gentleness. I am certain you will make a wonderful husband and father and have a happy family. Do you understand?" "Oh, yeah. You're right Mommy."


~ A husband to hold after a bad dream. I was running in a parking lot, chased by a stranger. I awoke while struggling to get my keys into the car door's keyhole before the stranger overtook me. 


~ A freshly vacuumed rug. Always a welcome sight. 


~ Fresh strawberries and blueberries in the store now.


~ Miss Mary planning a butterfly class and making a chart to record who would attend. When class started we circled which of her drawn insects were butterflies; each of us had our own handmade worksheet. Next we colored our butterflies. Then we had circle time, consisting of a hot potato game with teddy bears (because we don't have stuffed butterfly toys you know). Then we had snack, consisting of our regular breakfast food--oatmeal or shredded wheat squares. Then recess and later today we'll finish with other activities. Paul, intrigued by the idea, is now planning a ladybug class.


~ Peter with his head in nature garden books for days, planning a container pond, with a promise from Daddy that when Beth gets older, we'll have a bigger one. My hard-working would-be farmer dug that big whole all by himself! He also peruses nursery sites pining for a colorful maple tree. Our three large maples turn a boring light yellow in the fall, but provide plenty of summer shade. No, Peter, we cannot chop down all our trees so you can replace them with a more colorful variety. 


~ Daddy took the boys to a college basketball game for the second time. Mary went this time also and had a wonderful time, despite my concern that she'd get fidgety. She's been cheering for the college every day since then. Our township is small, without even a post office or its own zip code, but nearby is a college town that affords us some perks. 


~ Cuddling with Paul and Beth in the easy chair first thing in the morning.


~ Miss Beth awoke at 3AM because her legs got caught in the sheet and they were too sore and stiff to untangle on her own. I went into her room and untangled her and cuddled her. She asked to nurse but nursed only a few minutes before putting both her hands around my neck, lovingly stroking my skin. The moment was so sweet I marveled at the blessing she is to me! She fell asleep with her hands still cuddling me. Then I fell asleep and dreamt that a black menacing cloud was an impending tornado. I tried to shout at the children to get in the hallway, but my throat couldn't get the words out. Then I woke up, noticing that Beth's hands were tighter on my throat. 


~ My yearly perm, long since due, makes me feel like a million bucks! Who cares that studies show straight-haired girls get the most dates! My stylist sported the loveliest curls so I complemented her, only to have her laugh and thank me and say that she usually straightens her natural curls. We always want what we don't have, she marveled.


~ We've begun to reread the Jesus Storybook Bible by Sally Lloyd-Jones at dinner and we're still lovin' it. Even the boys get a lot out of it.


~ At the hair salon I started reading Writing Tools by Roy Peter Clark. I've long wanted to take writing-craft classes but there's no time or money. Writing is a some-day dream--something I hope to do instead of going back to teaching. My teacher's retirement will help us a lot after I hit 55 years old (it will make the house payment), but I'll need some side income. Husband will likely retire in about 15 years. 


So far I've learned I use too many -ings. It's best to stick to simple present or past tense and avoid the progressive. I also write too many short sentences. Ideally, long, medium, and short sentences should be mixed. Too many commas interrupt flow and irritate the reader. (Yes, I know. I use too many commas.) 


Fear not the long sentence, he opines. 


I also learned that J.K. Rollings, one of the very few writers who actually makes a full living at it (she's very rich in fact), writes in juvenile fashion, using too many silly adverbs. He provides examples from just a few of her pages:


"said Hermoine timidly"
"said Hermoine faintly"
"he said simply"
"said Hagrid grumpily"
"said Hagrid irritably"


I long ago learned that adverbs should be cut unless they change the meaning of the verb, like "she smiled sadly". And I guess I've known that the best writers aren't necessarily the ones on the bestseller lists, but this is discouraging. I haven't read J.K. Rollings and don't plan to. A good storyteller can sell books even if she can't craft the best sentences. The opposite is not true.

Married With Children: A Healthy Marriage Bed, Part 2

1 Corinthians 7:3-4
The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 

Scripture teaches that once married, we do not have authority over our own bodies--our spouse does. That means we come together when at least one spouse has the desire. That would seem to indicate spontaneity? 

However, when children come spontaneity flies out the window unless you employ maids, nannies, and shoppers. A mother's nurturing instincts coupled with a child's biological needs, would indicate not spontaneity, but planning. Parents can nurture children, day and night, and enjoy one another in the bedroom. They're not mutually exclusive. You may find it works best to schedule your lovemaking days.

Forgive me for a little diversion here regarding the night nurturing of children. 


We enjoy nurturing our children at night starting with story time, then as we tuck them in we spend time cuddling, praying, talking about their day, dealing with any sin (ours or theirs), praising their hard work, and generally sending them off to slumber with their cups running over. Some days can be so busy that cups fail to get sufficiently filled. As a result, the next day can go sour. Spending a little one-on-one time before bed, or another time of day, prevents a lot of family-dynamics problems.

When families grow it can be harder to give babies and toddlers the amount of cuddling and individual attention they need. As I've mentioned before, when discussing what God desires for our marriages and families, we have to look at Scripture together with the divine design of our bodies. 


Research seems to imply that babies and children need parents who respond and nurture during the day and at night. You may hear that if you don't let your children "cry it out", your marriage will suffer. It's often the number one argument against attachment parenting styles. As a long-time night-nursing parent, and one who is there for my children at night, be it bad dreams, stuffy noses, pain, bedwetting, etc., I disagree. My husband appreciates my commitment to nurturing and he'd have it no other way. His support is key.

Dr. Allan Schore of the UCLA School of Medicine has demonstrated that the stress hormone cortisol (which floods the brain during intense crying and other stressful events) actually destroys nerve connections in critical portions of an infant’s developing brain. In addition, when the portions of the brain responsible for attachment and emotional control are not stimulated during infancy (as may occur when a baby is repeatedly neglected) these sections of the brain will not develop. The result – a violent, impulsive, emotionally unattached child. He concludes that the sensitivity and responsiveness of a parent stimulates and shapes the nerve connections in key sections of the brain responsible for attachment and emotional well-being.

 Researchers at Yale University and Harvard Medical School found that intense stress early in life can alter the brain’s neurotransmitter systems and cause structural and functional changes in regions of the brain similar to those seen in adults with depression

 Decreased intellectual, emotional, and social developmentInfant developmental specialist Dr. Michael Lewis presented research findings at an American Academy of Pediatrics meeting, concluding that “the single most important influence of a child’s intellectual development is the responsiveness of the mother to the cues of her baby.”
Researchers have found babies whose cries are usually ignored will not develop healthy intellectual and social skills. 19

Dr. Rao and colleagues at the National Institutes of Health showed that infants with prolonged crying (but not due to colic) in the first 3 months of life had an average IQ 9 points lower at 5 years of age. They also showed poor fine motor development. (2)

Researchers at Pennsylvania State and Arizona State Universities found that infants with excessive crying during the early months showed more difficulty controlling their emotions and became even fussier when parents tried to consol them at 10 months. 15

Other research has shown that these babies have a more annoying quality to their cry, are more clingy during the day, and take longer to become independent as children 1.

source

Most of the world keeps babies and toddlers close for some time, thanks to the use of slings and close sleeping. Studies show that this closeness benefits children, possibly best approaching what God desires for a child's development. 

Many Americans parent far differently; there's formidable pressure--especially from older folk like mothers and mother-in-laws--to force a child into independence. Strong feelings abound about these issues and I have no desire to engage in mommy wars. Instead, I just wanted to present research that might give us some clue as to God's desires. For the sake of other readers, feel free to leave opposing research links in the comments. All moms give these issues countless hours of consideration and I don't seek to change anyone's carefully crafted views.

Moms who have high sleep needs often have to make tough decisions. The same is true for working moms or those with other difficult circumstances. Husbands and wives don't always agree on parenting issues; if your husband has different ideas, abide by his wishes and pray for a change of heart? My heart goes out to you.

Every family's needs differ--just don't assume you have to shortcut your children to satisfy your husband. 

If you decide that scheduling lovemaking is a good idea, start preparing for lovemaking days first thing in the morning: 

Prepare your mind and heart: Get your mind ready to be one with your husband that night--recall your favorite passionate memories from special times of old. Perhaps read from the Song of Solomon. Anticipate the passion, knowing that no matter how tired you are, once you're in his arms, it will be breathtaking. If there's anything to forgive him for, do it early in the day. Pray for help with this if you need it. 

Prepare your children: Plan for dinner, baths, and nighttime nurturing by starting everything early on these days. Can you bath them before you start dinner? Can you read a number of stories after the bath, and save just one for before bed, along with prayers and a bit of cuddling--or whatever your routine? By planning ahead we've never once been interrupted by our children, in all these years. Babies have cried and needed soothing right before, or right after, but never during. God has been faithful to preserve this time, and allow us to be responsive parents.

Don't be selfish with your time: Many moms have an outlet that potentially steals time, be it reading, writing, sewing, social networking, etc. Strictly control your interests on lovemaking days. If chores get behind on these days, it will give rise to crankiness, leading to the same in the children. They feed off of our emotions. Be as efficient as possible on lovemaking days. Avoid scheduling shopping or multiple errands on these days so your energy remains high.  

A word about the quality of lovemaking: If it's still early in your marriage and you don't know each other well yet physically, try discussing technique out of the bedroom, if this works better. Society leads us to believe that lovemaking happens naturally and that fireworks explode on that wedding night, as though you've known each other for years. The truth is that a honeymoon can be awkward. We don't know our spouse's body, or even what our own may need. 

We would do well to prepare our children for this, just before their own honeymoons. The anticipation of that night can lead to disappointment if they expect their best lovemaking right away.  

Without communication honeymoon awkwardness can continue, causing trouble in the bedroom. Your husband wants you to feel unbridled passion. Discuss what you need even though it may be uncomfortable. In the long run, meeting your needs is what blesses him most. 

Nursing is another God-designed activity that doesn't happen naturally. Like lovemaking, it takes time and patience and self-sacrifice, and in the end, the process blesses and matures us in and of itself. 

Pray for your love life, that it will be all that God designed. 

Later as changes happen, either because of illnesses or surgeries or childbirth, continue praying, knowing that God will never forsake you! Give this area over to Him, just as you would every other area of your life.

photo credit

Married With Children: A Healthy Marriage Bed

In presenting material about marriage, or any other Christian topic, it's important to contemplate both God's Word, and his design of our bodies and minds. Looking at all the clues, what is God's desire for marriage?


The next question is, how closely are we adhering to His design, and lastly, how can we honor Him more in this area?


This article lists a number of Scriptures pertaining to marriage, though we won't discuss all of them today.  Today's topic will focus primarily on the marriage bed.


Western culture presents a battleground for any Christian, especially in the area of purity. Immodest clothing alone causes many a men to give up on holiness. They're not even free from the visual battle on a Sunday morning in church, thanks to the tight and baring styles teens and young women covet. Even among the Christian population, defiled marriage beds are the rule, not the exception, when you consider the wandering eye and mind. Matthew 5:28 But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.


A married couple should frequently check in with one another concerning purity, especially after children come along and intimacy becomes less frequent. Though difficult, this topic cannot be ignored. Naivete, like secrecy, invites trouble.


God designed a husband's passion to center around the visual, while a wife's passion centers more around her feelings--feeling safe and unconditionally loved in a committed marital relationship. Husbands might have more of a purity battle in the confines of marriage, but both spouses, especially when working outside the home, must take care to avoid emotional bonds with the opposite sex. These bonds are always a mistake. They defile the marriage by dishonoring the emotional bond it represents, eventually leading to ingratitude and infidelity.


When children go through especially needy periods, such as the baby, toddler, preschool, and teen years, it's harder to remain emotionally bonded to a spouse. There may be more opportunity to talk to the woman or man at work, then to one's spouse. Avoid alone time with the opposite sex at work or church, and when that's not possible, keep the doors ajar. We must guard our hearts and minds and our eyes.


Remember that God always provides a way out of temptation. 1 Corinthians 10:13  No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.


I can't emphasize enough that communication becomes especially important after children come and distractions abound. A naive husband or wife is dangerous. Understand the pitfalls in order to avoid them. 


What's also dangerous is a spouse with a low standard of holiness. Husbands can come to believe that since all men look at attractive women, it's okay. It's normal and healthy--part of being a man, in fact. Check in with your spouse's heart in this area. What is his standard for holiness? Is it a biblical standard?


An important question to be asked is this: Has he learned to automatically avert his eyes from another woman's body? If he hasn't, he could be comparing his wife's body--specifically, her post-baby body--with what his eyes feast on daily. When God blesses a couple with children, great joy results. But there are sorrowful things as well: post-baby bodies can be less visually appealing. A mature Christian man expects this and takes it in stride, feeling grateful for his wife's amazing body. Malachi 2:15 Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth.



Learning to bounce the eyes is one tactic holy men use to keep their hearts and marriage beds pure. Kristen Welch's husband, addicted to pornography for years, used this tactic to gain freedom.  I urge you to read this link. No man is immune until he develops fighting tactics. Sadly, most affected men began their addiction in the middle school years.


We are more likely to be satisfied with what God has given us, if we avoid comparison. And as always, counting our blessings keeps our hearts thankful. 


Women are not immune to focusing on the physical. An acquaintance of ours recently revealed, concerning his failed marriage:

"We haven't had relations in a year and a half because she said I was too fat and she couldn't stand to look at me."

Sadly, it was a Christian woman who uttered this grievous insult...to her non-Christian husband.


While it's always a good idea to care for our bodies, which are temples of the Holy Spirit, weight control is harder for some people, and harder for all of us after age forty. Our genes determine, to some extent, how quickly we gain weight and how easily we lose it. Stress and a busy lifestyle contribute to weigh issues. 


When a spouse is confronted about weight control, that only adds stress, which makes the battle even harder. The best approach is to be thankful for all of our spouse's good points, and then to pray that both spousal bodies remain as healthy as possible. Loving one another unconditionally contributes to physical and emotional health--there's no question about that.


Scripture teaches not to deny one another "except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." Scripture also teaches that men must "live with your wives in an understanding way." Something between these two Scriptures is what God desires for the frequency of marital relations. If a wife nurses a baby every two hours for weeks, or nurses the entire family back to health after a nasty illness, her husband should look upon her with compassion, allowing her time to recover before approaching her for relations.


God designed a woman's body such that breaks in marital intimacy are inevitable. After childbirth, during menses (depending on the couple's preferences), and during morning sickness, are just a few examples. 


During the first eight to ten months of nursing, a woman's secretions dry up, causing pain during relations. The presence of pain, possibly designed to make relations less frequent, coupled with the dryness which prevents a man's seed from traveling easily up her body, make it more likely that babies come with a healthy spacing. A woman's body needs to fully recover before carrying another baby. God designed us so that our developing baby's health, and our own health, are maximized. Nursing and childbearing are integral parts of that divine design: women who are fruitful, and those who nurse, are less likely to get female cancers.


Though a man should dwell compassionately with his wife, understanding her body and her emotions, a woman must communicate with her husband about his needs. If he's already struggling in the area of marital purity, the wife should give of herself sacrificially, despite her exhaustion or the presence of pain. 


How overwhelmed moms can hope to meet this expectation is a topic for another day. This post is Part 1.


The key ingredients for a healthy marriage bed are holiness, communication, compassion, and sacrificial love.


Hebrews 13:4
Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.


Genesis 2:24
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.


1 Corinthians 7:1-40
Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. ...


1 Thessalonians 4:3-5
For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God;


Malachi 2:15
Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth.


Matthew 5:28
But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.


1 Peter 3:7
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.


Genesis 1:26-28
Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals,and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” 


So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.” 

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Nourishment

"Even though we've never been together, and may not be until heaven, you feel like family. We love you."

How my heart needed these words!

A missionary couple came to visit us today. They'd just visited a supporting church in Indianapolis and were on their way to Liberty. 

Such nourishing, dear people. I miss them terribly already.

I'd been corresponding via e-mail with the wife. She's been a short-lived, but lovely Titus 2 influence in my life. I'd never met her before today, but my husband knew her while in his teens. My husband's father, Luther, worked for her grandfather as a farm hand in PA while in high school. He was given room and board and treated as part of the family. 


Luther's own mother and his sister were mentally disabled. He left home in his teens, to work and live with this family and be closer to the high school. His disabled mother never forgave him and there was no further contact with her. Sad. So sad were my husband's beginnings.


Though a Christian, Luther doesn't know how to love. Any real love and nurturing he'd received was too short-lived. Somehow, his relationship with the Lord didn't penetrate his heart deeply enough, perhaps due to his own stubbornness.


All this makes my husband's heart a miracle. He loves so deeply. So genuinely. He lost his mother at age sixteen, but in those sixteen years, her heart taught him much.


The missionary couple are in their mid-sixties. They've been working in Brazil for 38 years and they love it, though recently they spent a year in the States caring for aging parents. Now a brother takes that over and our friends return to Brazil next month.


I have weekly e-mail contact with my mother, and less often with my sister and brother, but since all my family are non-Christians, except for my father's sister here, there's a hole in my life. My husband and I cling even tighter to each other because of the support holes in our lives, and that's a blessing. Leaving and cleaving proves quite easy when the emotional ties to family are weak to begin with.


But the holes still hurt. Every holiday is spent alone; just the six of us, which tugs at all of our hearts. My aunts here have their own families to accommodate in their small homes on holidays. One spends the winter in Florida. 


My friend's words nourished. I will remember them long. She won't have e-mail in Brazil, but I'll put pen to paper and stay in contact, hoping we can bless them in some way. The kids will love corresponding with them, too. Having real missionaries in their home today ticked them so much. 


"Even though we've never been together, and may never be, except in heaven, you're like our family. We love you."


Each time my children lament about not having family around, I remind them that when they grow up, they'll have three sibling families to share holidays with--families with the same values and love for Him.


Praise God for that! Warms my heart just thinking about the blessed holidays and gatherings they'll enjoy. I pray that life closely knits their hearts and miles don't separate them.