David's Sin With Bathsheba: A Broken, Contrite Spirit, Part 1

When someone breaks your heart, how do you respond? Do you lose sleep, tossing and turning and feeling sick to the stomach? Do you vacillate between crying out to the Lord for his loving Spirit, reciting the 23rd Psalm, and vowing to forsake the heart breaker forevermore?

Each time I get a hurtful e-mail from my mom, I get sick to my stomach and I can't concentrate. Sleep eludes me and I don't take good care of my family. When will it end, I wonder? When will the rejection and heartache stop?

I know my duty to love, even in the face of my enemies, but I feel too weak and sick to do anything but withdraw. It's not revenge, but self-preservation.

I want to feel good and do right by my family. I don't want to burden my husband or my children with my heartbreak. They can't understand the ache, though my husband tries very hard to empathize. Men can decide not to let something bother them. They compartmentalize well, generally speaking.

A woman, in contrast, doesn't put away her emotions like this. I can't demand my heart to stop hurting.

Sin can arise from a broken heart and as women, who feel deeply, we need to be especially aware of this. If we let it, a broken heart leads to bitterness and hate. And those sins, unconfessed and unforgiven, will impair our prayers, our walk with the Lord, and our witness.

At first, when it's still fresh, the wound plays over and over in our minds. Then, exhausted, we try to gain some equilibrium again. We move forward with the essential duties of life, gradually giving the heart breaker and the offense less and less of our mental and emotional time.

It's at this point that sin can take deep root. In trying to move on with our life, we forget the hard work of forgiveness.

Let's take a moment to distinguish between mercy and grace.

Extending mercy means we don't punish or take revenge on our heart breaker. Extending grace means we help them, give them other gifts of the heart, pray for them, and wish them well. Extending grace means we love them.

I think it's safe to think of forgiveness as loving someone without prejudice. This occurs as an act of grace, flowing from the Lord through us. 

I'm aware of this and of my potential sin in this vulnerable period, so today the Lord led me to study King David's fall from grace. Now, adultery has nothing to do with my broken heart or probably yours either, but there are valuable lessons to be learned about repentant hearts from studying David's story.

As you know, King David lay with Bathsheba while her husband was fighting in the King's army. When she told David she was with child, he sent for Uriah her husband, hoping Uriah would go home and lay with his wife, so that when the child was born, Uriah would think it his own.

But being a loyal soldier, Uriah didn't want to take that pleasure while other men were fighting hard in battle.

David then had Uriah over for dinner and got him drunk, hoping he would then go to his wife. But still, Uriah didn't go home. He controlled himself, despite his drunkenness.

Still desperate to hide his sin, David sent word to Joab his general to have Uriah put in the front lines of battle, so that he would be killed.

Yes, David was that desperate. And that sinful.

The deed done, David sighed with relief. After a proper mourning period, he took Bathsheba to be his wife, with no one the wiser, other than a couple servants he probably paid off.

But as we all know, we can't hide our hearts from God. He knows every detail. 

To be continued....

Giving Thanks Today:

~ The boys and Daddy having a grand day of sledding, coming back excited, refreshed and red-faced.

~ A husband's arms

~ A gracious Father

~ God's Holy Word

~ Psalms that soothe and heal

~ Prayer warriors to help us do battle against the enemy

~ A cured little girl. Mary only threw up once.

~ Still no nausea from Beth's chemo drug (taken for arthritis)

~ The Holy Spirit directing and guiding my heart

What are you thankful for today?

The Mystery of Him

Sometimes, God's more mystery than anything else. Yes, he reveals himself beautifully in the Bible, through David's words and Paul's and Isaiah's and many others. His Holy Spirit speaks to me as I read, and as I pray.

But there are those times I'm just dumbfounded by the mystery of Him.

My brother hasn't contacted me nor answered my e-mails in a year, so I inquired of my mom about it. A few days later another of the hurtful e-mails came, accusing me of being in a cult. I've been receiving them once or twice a year for 15 years.

They all think I'm weird and my brother has just washed his hands of me. My mother wrote that she only contacts me because she brought me into this world and because of that, she loves me unconditionally.

But, still, she says none of them can stomach my harsh views. To say I love them and at the same time to think they're going to hell, seems ghastly and devilish to them.

For the record, I don't do the hell-fire and brimstone thing, but since some Born-Again Christians do, it's guilt by association.

Faith is a gift and a mystery. Some believe that because He has foreknowledge of our hearts, he reveals himself only to those who he knows will receive him. And to all others, he never reveals himself.

If you have unsaved family members who hate the Jesus in you, you know the tragedy of which I speak. You feel isolated, even while Jesus is your ever-present comfort. The isolation never gets better.

And then, another mystery in the same weekend.

On Saturday, the Children's Bible Study lesson? Ready and waiting. The games organized, the snacks planned, the house clean. Even the furnace acts like a champ, making us both wonder if the heater guy was trying to scare us. It lights without difficulty--no delayed-ignition popping sound anymore.

About the time my children were over-the-moon excited about the Bible Study's beginning, Mary throws up.

At the last minute I have to cancel.

I trust Him. I love Him. I fear Him. I'm thankful for Him. I feel Him. I need Him.

Yet, still. He's a mystery to me.

My Faith endures. My Hope endures. My Love must endure.

No matter what comes, no matter what's passed, there is always our Everlasting Father, Our Wonderful Counselor. Always enduring in our hearts, always renewing and embodying our Faith, Hope, Love.

And the greatest of these is Love.

Pray for me as I Love, in the face of bitter rejection?

Live by Faith or Buy Insurance?

We had dinner with a relative the other day and he explained that his parents are consolidating all their money interests and curbing expenses. When Obama got re-elected, he told me, they panicked. They imagine doomsday with the economy and the debt. They're hunkering down for disaster.

Earlier today my Peter warned me, "Mommy, you better get started on the Bible Study lesson. What if you can't get it done in time?"

His brother isn't sure anyone will come to our study.

My husband wonders if the furnace will cause a fire and burn down the house and what if our homeowners' insurance company finds out that we knew it was dangerous, and they decide not to cover the burned-down house?

Not everyone in this house has the gift of everyday faith. It's a spiritual gift...just one of many gifts that hold up the Church. I have it and my housemates have other gifts I don't have.

I've not questioned my ability to be prepared for Bible study. Prayer is the first order of business and I've done that several times a day for weeks now. The study preparation I can handle, but God must prepare the hearts.

I never questioned whether God would protect us while we use a faulty furnace, albeit as little as possible. I wear my winter jacket while I type this at midnight and the thermostat is set at 57 degrees, reducing the number of times it will come on while we sleep.

Do you have the gift of faith? Or at least a modicum of everyday faith? Or do you secure maximum insurance and pad your retirement accounts and do everything in your power to secure your today and tomorrow?

Are the uninsured and the under-insured irresponsible, while the insured are smarter and more grown-up?

I remember reading a story several months back that really changed my perspective on faith.

A woman described and compared two different ministry couples she knew. One couple only took ministry positions that payed well and allowed them to secure their future through savings and retirement accounts. The churches they chose to work for had to be well-established and offer excellent benefit packages.

The other couple worked for free or for next to nothing when necessary, going wherever ministry needs were greatest. They didn't have health benefits or the means to save for retirement. They didn't own a home.

As I read the woman's account, I predicted right away that the more faith-filled couple would make out the best.

But I was in for a shock.

Turns out the conservative couple enjoyed a comfortable retirement, taking trips when they desired and having good healthcare as they aged. They owned a nice home, besides.

The faith-filled couple reached retirement age and had to live in a run-down trailer with very little income and sometimes sparse food in the cupboards. The husband got sick and didn't get the best care because of their poverty. He died, leaving his wife in dire straights. Her local church did help her survive, but her lifestyle never reached a secure or comfortable point. Daily life was always a struggle and she always needed assistance from others, while the other couple, in contrast, lived independently.

However, the widow's faith remained strong. She was a blessing to spend time with despite her circumstances.

I often think about this contrast, these many months after reading it. At first I was horrified that God hadn't repayed the humble couple's faith and sacrificial service. In my opinion they deserved more than the couple who put themselves first and only worked in convenient ministry.

And for a few days after reading it, I worried about my own precarious present and future. I'm putting my heart into my family now, but will God repay my service and take care of me as an old woman? When my older-than-me husband has to retire, how will I supplement our retirement incomes and secure health benefits for us? How will I continue to support some of our children, particularly our youngest who might suffer long-term disability from her arthritis, either because of her eye involvement, or her joints, or both? And what if Peter who suffers from several disorders can't support himself very well?

I don't know any answers and I haven't had a female exam in three years. I'm late in getting that first mammogram. It's on my list but money often has to go for repairs rather than doctor or clinic appointments.

Will I end up in a run-down trailer, too? Will I die young because of poor healthcare?

What does faithful service really get us in the end? What's the reward...if any?

John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

Oh, yes. 

That's it...isn't it? His Presence. His Peace. Not as the world gives. Our faith is credited to us as righteousness. Our reward isn't here. 

On earth, peace, joy, love. In heaven, we will reign with Him in glory. 

When people went to visit the poor widow they went away refreshed and amazed by her faith. She delighted her visitors with her joyful, quiet spirit. She pointed them to Him, through her joy and peace.

He received the glory for the way she handled her circumstances. The circumstances were an avenue to bring him glory, just as her entire life was.

Who gets the glory when retirement turns out perky and comfortable, because of years of carefully planned and calculated decisions? The planner does. People congratulate him or her on effective portfolio and estate management.

When we purpose to live for Him...trusting tomorrow to Him...who gets the glory in the end? 

Not State Farm, but the Almighty Living God. Our God is mighty to save and he never leaves us nor forsakes us.

I didn't get it right away, but now I know who got the better deal in the end. 

image source

Thankful Thursday

Psalm 50:23 The one who offers thanksgiving as his sacrifice glorifies me; to one who orders his way rightly I will show the salvation of God!”

~ Thank you, Father, for allowing me to homeschool my Mary. She loves science and books and I love capturing wonder with her as her eyes are opened to knowledge. 

1 Thessalonians 5:18 Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

~ Thank you, Father, that our 1988 furnace needs replacing and when I heard it from the heater man yesterday, along with the warning to use our current furnace at our own risk, I did not panic because I know that even for big-ticket items, you graciously provide. Thank you for growing my faith over the years. Thank you for never letting me stay in one place spiritually. Sometimes I am like a stubborn mule, not wanting to move forward, but you are faithful to complete your work in all of us. 

Colossians 3:15 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.

~ Thank you, Father, that we are back in touch with an old friend from California, who moved near us here in Ohio. Thank you that we can provide Christian fellowship and good cheer for his soul, as he endures life with severe bipolar disorder. Thank you that his faith carries him even in the face of mental illness. Thank you for the rich Christian fellowship.

Psalm 100:1-5 A Psalm for giving thanks. Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth! Serve the Lord with gladness! Come into his presence with singing! Know that the Lord, he is God! It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise! Give thanks to him; bless his name! For the Lord is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations.

~ Thank you, Father, for letters from Compassion children. Thank you for how they always light us up spiritually.

Colossians 2:6-7 Therefore, as you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in him, rooted and built up in him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving.

~ Thank you, Father, that although Peter's tics and OCD are not improving, he is persevering in life, not letting them drag him down. He shares his burden and as he does, the weight lifts. May he always have someone who will listen and may he lean on you most of all.

Psalm 66:1-20 To the choirmaster. A Song. A Psalm. Shout for joy to God, all the earth; sing the glory of his name; give to him glorious praise! Say to God, “How awesome are your deeds! So great is your power that your enemies come cringing to you. All the earth worships you and sings praises to you; they sing praises to your name.” Selah Come and see what God has done: he is awesome in his deeds toward the children of man. ...

~ Thank you, Father, for the peace that family devotions brings to our collective souls. Thank you for your steadfast love and for your Truth that heals.

Psalm 40:9-10 I have told the glad news of deliverance in the great congregation; behold, I have not restrained my lips, as you know, O Lord. I have not hidden your deliverance within my heart; I have spoken of your faithfulness and your salvation; I have not concealed your steadfast love and your faithfulness from the great congregation.

~ Thank you, Father, for an opportunity to minister to neighborhood families. Bring in the children this Saturday, Father. And may their parents share their burdens freely, trusting us to bring the peace of Christ to their children and to them. May that peace emanate from us, no matter what our day or week has been like.

Psalm 103:1-2 Of David. Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name! Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits,

~ Thank you, Father, that Paul learned to play The Twelve Days of Christmas on the piano this year. That silly song brought hours of joy and giggles to my children and I am so glad!

~ Thank you for one-on-one time with my children and for Daddy home a little more to do the same with them. Thank you for that Pippi Longstocking movie from the library that gave us collective giggles as we munched on popcorn and held our little ones in our laps.

~ Thank you, Father, for the hours of fun all this snow brought to my children and to neighborhood children. Thank you for their snowmen, their snow forts, their snow angels, and their homemade sled hills. All children forsake their toys and possessions when you bring your natural wonder into their lives. Thank you for the glory of your creation and for the joy. Always the joy!

Act Justly, Walk Humbly, Part 2

I imagine a number of you were dismayed by my previous post. You must ask yourselves why I've become anti-materialism to the point of thinking Christmas presents for one's own middle-class children (items not needed) are an unnecessary splurge.

Materialism is so pervasive in our society that we've become blind to it. A missionary who spends months in the field with a people who own next to nothing, understands well what I'm trying to convey. You don't know if you're materialistic until you step away from money and feel the difference. Americans who've lost jobs and spent months or years without pocket money know what I'm trying to convey. Stepping out of the middle-class bubble for a time is a blessing. The truth of God's Word penetrates our hearts in new ways as our perspective begins to shift.

Jesus calls us to live humbly. As distasteful as that sounds, it is a Truth that we can't sugarcoat. To love your neighbor as yourself means you don't put yourself above others. You can't say to your heart, "Well, I've worked hard for what I have and I deserve these splurges." That is forgetting who gave you the money in the first place. We don't really earn money on our own. God gifts it to us through skill and talent and through a reasonably healthy, supportive family who took care of us well, while we worked to better ourselves.

Further, since He bought and paid for us Christians, we owe him our lives. A life lived for Him is gratitude for his many mercies and graces. A life lived for Him is evidence of our saving faith.

We don't have to sell everything we own and give it to the poor--we don't have to be perfect. But we do need to stand guard over our hearts, making sure we are serving God and not money.

The reason Jesus says it's easier for a camel to get through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to get to heaven, is because materialism creeps into our hearts like a thief in the night. We quickly become blind to it. Just as the tween or middle-school children want what everyone else has, we as adults grow to want what everyone else has, because we've developed a sense of entitlement without even knowing it.

But Jesus calls us to be set apart. He calls us to fill up on Him and not on the world's pleasures.

I urge you, if you think you're living in middle-class America and are immune to materialism, try this experiment. For two or three months, don't buy anything except true necessities. Don't go to any movies or spend anything for entertainment at all. Don't participate in anything costing money, including drives to get away that eat up substantial gas. Don't replace broken or worn items unless it's absolutely necessary. Don't spend money for luxury foods for a time. And cast aside the luxury toys you already have as much as possible, so you don't have their entertainment to fall back on. Live entirely without extras and see how your vision changes.

What can it hurt? Think of what it will teach your children as well. Your entire family might find itself in love with the Lord like never before. And you might find yourself wanting to change the American church so that it truly serves the Lord. We are losing souls and churchgoers and materialism is the main culprit. Materialism's power to distract hearts is exactly what Satan uses to win.