Christmas Letter 2018

Dear Family and Friends,

I hope you enjoyed a merry Christmas with your loved ones. Today, December 26th, I’m finally stealing time from children, chores, and ministry to reflect on 2018.

For our own family and for some of our relatives, there was loss and grief. My husband’s father passed away in January. He was 95 and lived a life that was hard, grief-filled, but faithful to the God he met as a young man. He suffered mental illness but despite that, I heard him quote a line from Scripture he obviously took to heart. Philippians 4:11 “I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.” His wife died 44 years ago, and their first child, a baby daughter, died at 8 months old. His mother and sister suffered mental illness and he lost them to a mental institution a very long time ago, so his was a lonely life. Though he was not a perfect father, he did his best with the tools a broken world handed him; he improved on the previous generation, securing for my husband and his sister more stability and faith, and even more love, than he had in his own youth. In death he left behind my husband and our children, my husband's sister and her son.

My aunt E, my dad’s sister, lost her husband, D, 76, in September, after 58 years of marriage. My aunt Dorothy, my mom’s sister, lost her husband, R, in later fall, at age 83, after 63 years of marriage. Both men had large families and their lives touched many; both suffered painful deaths from cancer and fought courageously, thinking of the families they were leaving, and the legacies they wanted to bless them with. Their long marriages, their faithfulness to their children and families spoke volumes to the present and coming generations. Please pray for my aunts as they grieve and find strength for new routines, new inspirations. Incidentally, they are good friends, having met in the early 90’s because their mothers were roommates in the same nursing home. Their mothers died a couple days apart, and their husbands two months apart--once again, they are a comfort to each other.

My husband and the kids took trips twice to Pennsylvania to see his Aunt D and Uncle B and Cousin Shawna and her family, meeting up with his sister also, and staying with good friends Jim and his wife in Allentown, PA. A great time was had by all. Peter has struggled psychologically for most of the year and I needed a break from that, so I stayed behind to deal with home repairs and homeschooling paperwork. Peter started a new, safe medicine last month which is for bipolar (though he may or may not have that). The med has been a game changer and an answer to prayer. He still has bad days, just fewer of them.

My house full of children is changing. All are in adolescence and becoming their own people; my job is now about guiding while staying out of God’s way, as he molds them into who He wants them to be, and as He prepares them for the work he has for them. Our church’s high school youth group is offering the teens a week-long mission trip to Costa Rica, encompassing a few hours of morning construction work, followed by running a daily Vacation Bible School for an inner-city church. The emphasis is on the teens running it all, not merely helping the adults. It’s about learning to be leaders, as well as expressing God’s love and mercy.

Imagine the flags that went off in our parental heads at the mention of a Central American country, though Costa Rica is not one of the most dangerous. The mission organization employs armed guards to protect the teens while they work, but nevertheless as a mother I fought hard to come to yes regarding this trip. Something Peter said finally decided it; while I was Googling San Jose, Costa Rica for as much information as I could gather, he commented, “Well, those kids have to live there, so it has to be safe enough for us to visit.” Oh. I can’t tell you how those words hit me. Immediately, I imagined another Christian mother, sitting in Costa Rica, praying. If God saw fit for another mother’s children to live in those conditions, and for her to pray with faith every day for His protection and blessing, I could certainly go out of my comfort zone to share my children’s love and talents, and my prayers, with that faithful mother and her children. I tell other people and my children how big of a God we serve--how powerful and faithful he is--all the time. So how could I say no to an opportunity for God to demonstrate that power in a tangible way? God willing, they are both going.

The drug lords are winning in Central America, corrupting the politicians, the police, crippling the countries, causing significant migration. I know it’s only God’s power that can eclipse the evil. Addiction and trafficking threaten to steal our worth. The message of both is that we are worthless--God’s message is that we are priceless. Our Creator gives us our worth. He, who knit us in the womb and knew us before we were born. He, who thought we were so priceless and beautiful He was willing to give it all for us. I want my children to be part of His message of love and worth. Some problems require a spiritual lead first, not a political one. Without the one, the other will fail.

There were changes in ministry this year. I helped in middle school AWANA for three years, and while that wasn’t my area of giftedness, I did learn to love those kids, after discovering you need to connect one on one. In their mob, they’re less than pleasant, but the true person comes through when you get them away from their peers. 

After the AWANA year closed in May, I asked the AWANA commander for younger kids, and ended up taking a co-director position for the 3rd-5th grade AWANA club in Sept. It was a more ambitious position than I really had time for (the other co-director is burned-out after many decades of ministry), but I didn’t want another year in middle school. I teach most weeks and send out weekly newsletters to parents and volunteers, work individually with kids, and plan reviews. It’s a bit like a part-time job and the books we use change every year for a three-year cycle. But it’s so fulfilling! The kids look up at you with eager faces and hearts, hungry for the teachings of God. Beth is in my club, Mary is in the middle school club, Paul is a verse leader/occasional teacher in my club, and Peter is in his third year as a leader in the preschool club. He loves it. Paul and I both think the 3rd-5th kids are such a blessing. I hope we pour as much love into them as they pour into us.

There have been changes with our Compassion International children; we now have two--one young girl in Uganda and a teen boy in Columbia. We used to have more, but a few moved into areas that Compassion doesn’t serve, one moved out of the program because her family was doing better, and one, sadly, (our first-ever Compassion child, Divya) became a victim of India’s new leader, Modi, who cracked down on Christian ministry in India. In March 2017, Compassion International was forced to pull out of India entirely after 48 years, closing 589 Child Development Centers serving 145,000 of the country’s poorest children. India has since moved to number 11 on the Open Doors World Watch List (annual list of top 50 countries where it’s most dangerous to follow Jesus). In 2017 they were number 15 on the list, and in 2018 they moved to number 11, so it’s very alarming. 

It used to be that outside of North Korea--number 1 on the list for 18 years--that the worst areas for persecution and violence against Christians, and particularly Christian women, were Islamist extremist areas, but now Hindu/ethnic extremists, like Modi, are also a major problem. Please pray for Divya and her family, who we and Compassion no longer have any contact with. She has our personally-written letters, which all Compassion children treat like gold because of the hope and love they contain. She participated not only in vocational, health, and tutoring classes, but in Bible studies before Compassion shut down. Her personal letters to us indicated a relationship with God. Whatever they might do, they can’t take Him.

Now for the kids here at home. Mary is a soulful, passionate child and music is her spiritual language. She loves a lot of Christian music, but the Australian-American band For King and Country produces great content that she adores--and they’re not too bad on the eyes to a 12-year-old girl, either. They sing, do lots of concerts (not near us this year), write their own music, do music videos, and the song/book/movie Priceless, about trafficked women. She hasn’t seen the movie due to mature/emotional content, but when she’s older she will. It’s outstanding. She likes to hear the stories behind every song they’ve written. Each story is compelling. I hope her love for music will inspire her to manage her storm phobia, which is still a very serious problem in her life. Overcoming fear is a common theme in Christian music.

Mary also loves to read--I can’t keep enough literature in the house for her! Missionary stories are favorites, as well as adventure novels with inspiring, courageous characters. She still reads a lot of historical literature as part of our curriculum, too. She loves the power of story and I believe someday she’ll harness the power of story to charge hearts and lives. I bought her Katie Davis Major's two books for Christmas, which are really impacting her (Kisses for Katie, and Daring to Hope).

She loves fishing, and card and board games with her siblings. She loves her middle school church class and gets along well with boys, since her two brothers were her first companions. She usually has one girl she likes in each class. If you asked her what she wants to do with her life, she’d probably say, “Go on adventures.” She has prayed about becoming a missionary to China or another land. More recently China is cracking down on the underground house-churches, which have been very successful in growing a very large Christian population.

Paul is 15 and a hardworking student, blessed to have many things come easily to him. He excels at writing--essays, narrative and expository, and occasionally poetry, while still finding math second nature. He wavers between career choices, sometimes wondering about journalism, or being a pollster or statistician, or an engineer. He enjoys politics in a Carl Rove way, but he doesn’t engage in an emotional way. He read a large volume of articles and checked the stats every day of the midterm election season and could tell you who was running in each toss-up state for what race and what their chances were, and what scandals were brewing. He gauged the day to day chances of a Senate or House takeover and would tell me all about it; I majored in political science and, thankfully, although I never used the degree, I never lost interest. 

As a teacher does, I considered that a future president or other major leader might be in my class, so I shared bits of wisdom to shape the journey forward. Mainly, that politics shouldn’t be taken over by a we’re right/they’re wrong dynamic, but be a civic practice aimed at achieving balance in our republic, with the respective branches of government staying true to their charters. I told my future voters to read every quote from candidates before voting, looking for the one who serves God--not a faith borrowed in time for the election, but a true faith, because a leader needs strength most of all, and true strength doesn’t come from man, but from God. Man’s strength is borrowed, begged, or stolen, and always withers with enough pressure, but God’s strength is bestowed and then managed by God. And then, look for humility, because with that comes gratitude, and together they’re the foundation for a lot of other virtues. Also, that in the political process there is no room for bitterness, because ultimately, God is sovereign, and he gives and takes away power from man for purposes not known to us.

Paul still enjoys chess, gardening, baking, cooking, board games and card games with his sisters, going to local college football and basketball games with his dad and sometimes his brother, going to high school youth group, playing Christmas Carols and a few other songs on the piano, practicing basketball outside with a friend or his brother, but more often making baskets by himself to blow off steam. Paul is the quickest to offer help and sympathy when my day has been difficult; in short, he’s a giver, while still being able to compartmentalize stress and get necessary things done. He relies on the Lord for strength and hope.

Peter will be 17 in a couple weeks. He enjoys nature, many types of Christian music, fishing, and chess. His favorite school subject is history. In fact, he’s always detailing for me what he’s reading in history, expressing amazement at something from the past. He says he was born in the wrong era, except for the advancement of antibiotics and the abolishment of slavery (though we still have trafficking, he knows). A gentler time, when people honored God more, is his desire. His is a tender, very old soul.

Peter is unsure what he wants to be. Missionary work fits his gifting, as demonstrated by his work with his friends and at church, and he hasn’t given up on that idea, but his OCD obsessions obscure his real desires and he hasn’t taken control of his illness. I can’t help him beyond praying for him (we’ve done therapy). It’s harder for him to concentrate on his studies due to obsessions, but he’s a capable student and could do well in college, otherwise. Right now, he’s considering vocational work, which keeps his mind clearer. Entering a vocational high school might be a good idea for him next fall, so he can be employable right out of high school, while he matures and hopefully finds the inspiration to take control of his illness. Your prayers for him would be appreciated. Mental illness is heartbreaking and takes acceptance of/responsibility for the burden first, and then courage for the way forward.

Beth just turned 10 and had a rough year with her arthritis. She was doing so well in February that her doctor gradually took away one medicine at a time to see if she had grown out of her autoimmune disease (JIA). In June, the disease came back worse than before. She’s on three immunosuppressants right now. We’ll drop the prednisone in about five weeks, but the Orencia and methotrexate she’ll be on indefinitely.

Beth, like Paul, works very hard in school. She’s serious, but tenderhearted, always ready with a smile and hug. She loves writing and is always working on a story. The sentences come together naturally for her and she’s a good storyteller, even researching her settings online. She dreams of seeing her name on the cover of a book someday. She loves reading as well. It gets stressful around here, and Beth’s escape is to go outside, enjoying fresh air and God’s creation, which is a reminder of His presence and love. She loves studying different animals and learning about conservation, and enjoys hiking with Daddy in the summer, while the other children fish.

My husband and I will reach 20 years of marriage next July. We got married July 3, which means we almost always forget our anniversary. I will try to dissuade my children from getting married near a national holiday! The days have been long, but the years have passed by so quickly. I’m excited for my kids because they’re excited about becoming adults, but there are tears, too, when I remember all the little-kid times that have passed away. My husband, for his part, just wants his wife back. He’s still at his same two jobs working 55-60 hours and he keeps very busy as a father, taking the children individually on outings to speak love and value into their hearts. He’s a keeper! We are both growing old and not finding it easy, but God’s loving message of our worth helps, especially in our youth-obsessed culture. May God’s strength and blessing be with you all in 2019. Happy New Year!

Not Ashamed of the Gospel: The Duggar Ordeal

I read the transcript of Ms. Kelly's interview with the Duggars, and I watched a few online videos of it as well. I thought they did a good job explaining the steps they took to address an incredibly scary situation.

Because I don't hate them, I could really understand what they were saying. I really heard their words, rather than scrutinized them in attack mode, which is what the haters did.

Next, I studied the response. I read early sets of comments in about three articles, mortified. The hateful response wasn't so much of a surprise, but the lack of contrary opinion really concerned me. Prior to the interview, there were still some brave Christians countering what the haters were saying.

Are we afraid to speak now? Have the moral relativists beaten us down? Has it become so dangerous to dissent on moral values that Christians will no longer speak? I understand that it sometimes seems futile. Reading the hateful comments, one can see the spiritual blindness in them. "They know not what they do"--certainly this is true here.

I know this kind of religious hate. I was on the receiving end of it from one of my own parents, with whom I cut off contact 16 months ago. Religious persecution is incredibly hard to handle and the closer the persecutor is to you, the harder it becomes. It eventually becomes so pervasive that you can only step away and honor that family member with your forgiveness and your prayers. You don't have to remain in the line of fire in order to forgive them--forgiving doesn't mean staying with.

What would the haters have done differently, I wondered as I read their vile comments?

Most of us wouldn't turn our sons over to the police for what Josh first confessed to, unless we became convinced we had lost him. A true or potential monster, even if it's our own son, needs to be turned over without hesitation. Josh demonstrated, in confessing on his own, that he wasn't entirely a lost lamb yet--just a terribly stray one. I believe the Duggars would have immediately turned him over if his offense had been worse.

And I believe they were vigilant in watching him out in public as well, in light of his confessions.

When they said..."this wasn't rape"...they weren't excusing his "touching over the clothes, and a few seconds under the clothes" (I haven't read the police report). They were only clarifying why they didn't take him to the police right away. They weren't saying their son didn't have a glaring, scary problem.

Would the haters, I wonder, at that juncture, have assumed their son was a real criminal who couldn't be rehabilitated by meticulously involved, serious, sober parenting? I agree some of us would have removed such a child from our home sooner, but take him to the police right away? How many would have done that?

They did take it very seriously. They were mortified. In loving their son despite his sin, they weren't failing to love their daughters. They did lock doors and protect their daughters at night, and watched Josh closely during daylight hours, even removing him from the home to be with his dad at work, so as not to burden Michelle with having to watch him so closely while she was homeschooling and caring for babies.

They poured their hearts into him, trying to win him for the Lord, without forgetting their daughters--forgetting their daughters being something for which they were brutally accused of on social media.

When he offended again (at least once with a five-year-old), they knew he couldn't live under their roof any longer. However, they didn't see a good outcome in sending him to a correctional facility, which didn't have reasonable success rates. Also, I suspect they weren't ready to conclude he needed to be registered as a sexual offender for life.

They spoke to church elders for guidance, knowing they had done all they could on their own, without resolution. They knew the risk in sharing (possible betrayal) but did it anyway. They didn't hide in the dark. It was decided to try Christian counseling/mentoring in another state for three months, followed by allowing him back in the house (having changed), with every child in the family, including Josh, receiving professional, accredited counseling.

When Josh returned from the mentoring program, he was apparently a new, rehabilitated creature in Christ, but they still kept safeguards in place. The father expressed in the interview that sending him away for mentoring was the best decision of the whole ordeal.

The haters don't get this and this is big. If you don't believe in Jesus Christ, resurrected, you don't believe in a transformation of the heart. You can't believe someone supernaturally becomes a new creation. This occurred in my own heart and life--having come to Christ at age 31. I look back at the old me and don't even recognize that former person.

My adult transformation does help me understand the blindness inherent in the spiritually dead. The word blindness is appropriate in describing the heart of the unsaved.

Only Josh and the Lord know the current state of Josh's heart, but so far, no new victims have come forward. It appears thus far, then, that Josh may be one of the 85% to 90% of boy offenders aged 12 to 14 who do this kind of thing sometime in these two years, without it being a prolonged sin following them into adulthood.

The Duggars learned a few things as parents through their ordeal: don't let boys babysit, don't let older boys hold little ones, don't let kids play games, such as hide-n-seek, alone in bedrooms. Everyone was to stay visible, according to the new rules.

They were attacked for these safeguards on social media. Many said these measures were ridiculous (that Josh himself was the problem, not his hormones or adolescent boys in general).

The parents did take Josh to the local police station (with a non-family witness in company) upon his return home from the three-month mentoring program. They didn't pick out any certain officer ahead of time. They got who they got, and it happened to be someone who only gave Josh a stern talking to, instead of filling out a report. Years later, this officer ended up in prison for pornography charges, which was a coincidence and not a reflection of the Duggars.

After the visit to the police station, the Duggars say they didn't know what would come next, whether it was an arrest, an investigation, whatever. They waited. Months went by and nothing happened, until 2006 when a tipster (apparently an acquaintance who betrayed them) started new police involvement, which included each child involved, except Josh, who was 18 by this time, being interviewed at length. Then, Josh went with the parents before the judge, who dismissed the case because of the statute of limitations having passed, and because all involved had already received counseling.

Child services said the family handled it well--better than most. People rarely take their children to the police for such things, according to the authorities.

Nothing the Duggars did to address the situation pleased any of the haters. Nothing.

Realistically, if people are honest, the only things some of us would have done differently is maybe put such a child in professional counseling immediately, as well as removing him from the home far sooner. However, it was the 3 months away that seemed to really turn his life around, so who are we to say the parents made a mistake with their timing?

In their defense, when it became clear it could be deeper and darker than teenage experimentation, such as when the five-year-old was involved, they removed him the same day.

Does any disagreement on the speed of counseling, or the speed of removing him (or even on getting the police involved), really make these parents vile, deserving of serious disrespect and hate? What two families handle anything exactly alike?

The haters even attacked Michelle's hairstyle, her eyes, her voice, the way she looked at her husband. They claimed the husband barely let Michelle speak. They claimed these two were uneducated hillbillies. (Obviously, the haters had read a thing or two about patriarchy and assumed Michelle had no say in their marriage, before actually seeing any evidence of this).

The Duggars say they are not part of patriarchy or Quiverful, but they do share a good number of the characteristics.

Personally, I felt Michelle said everything she wanted to say, and her husband was respectful of her the whole time (at least in the clips I saw). They seemed like a good team. Who wants to watch an interview wherein the parents are constantly talking over one another?

I wasn't watching the interview with a hateful heart, but a heart to understand and learn the facts about what has become an attack on this family--and by default, an attack on Christianity in this country (because so many had things to say about this family's stance on marriage equality, and on a certain robocall Michelle made in Arkansas last year. The attacks weren't primarily about how they handled their tragedy, so much as how they handled it in light of their political beliefs).

The clear message is: Don't have standards for people's behavior, or we'll come after you. Don't hold up the Bible as a standard for human behavior. Especially, don't do this if you aren't a saint yourself.

In other words, don't have standards, period, except law and order. Let's be a country without boundaries in our personal and collective behavior. Whatever makes you feel good that isn't cheating, stealing, violating or murdering, go for it and let well enough alone.

Never mind that this isn't working. Never mind that children are committing suicide and falling apart in huge numbers. Never mind that problem drinking in this country now affects a third of the population (are we going to become Russia, with it's shocking alcoholism figures)? Moral relativism is failing us as a nation.

My main problem with the Duggars prior to that interview was that they agreed to do a reality show and put their family out there, knowing something damaging could get out. I didn't enjoy all the mud-slinging toward Christians one bit. In fact, I can't sleep some nights thinking about what it's like for Christians in this country right now, though I trust God. I mourn the loss of any reasonable amount of respect. Years down the line, maybe it will be more than just respect, and become an issue of safety whenever we want to voice our Christian beliefs.

Back to the Duggars deciding to do a reality show in 2008 (and TV specials before that). They had nothing to hide at that point in 2008, apparently, but it was still risky, just two years out from the last contact with police, with the police record never getting sealed (because Josh was 18, an adult, when the last police work was done).

The law and the police were supposed to protect the victims, but not Josh at that point. He sued, and lost his battle to have his records sealed. More identifying circumstances should have been redacted in that released report, given the family's notoriety. Someone chose not to afford the family (the victims) this kindness.

Now, I think I understand the reality show decision a little better. They are a political family with a very strong ambition. They want to influence law and the culture for good. They agreed to the show, I surmise, partly to gain exposure. Apparently it was worth the risk to them--that's what ambition is, partially. Being willing to take risks to realize a goal. 

I can only partially understand this, having no personal drive for a national arena (or even a Facebook or Twitter arena).  It remains to be seen if they conclude, in the end, that it was worth the risk. God will use it for good. He already is. Due to Kelly's report, people are calling abuse hotlines in the droves.

One of the most difficult things about succeeding in politics is answering the question: How do I become a household name? A national show is one way in--something Huckabee chose as well, though in a different format.

I pray we all speak our minds without fear, while clinging to the Lord for strength. No matter what people say about us, we mustn't be ashamed of the Gospel. Speak, speak, speak, for the glory of God.

Romans 1:16 For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes: first to the Jew, then to the Gentile.

A Word to all the Christians

Rejoice in Hope in 2015, and always. That's the task and the privilege of the Christian.

We live in a society that is rapidly anti-Christian and anti-Bible. The main impetus for the hate? It's grown over time, but mainly, in this era, it's our stance on marriage equality. While the mainstream in the Church do not participate in hate speech (some fringe religious groups are reprehensible in their anti-gay demonstrations), we nevertheless refuse to reject Christ and the teachings of the Bible. Refusing to pick and choose what we like in scripture, we don't dump some precepts for our own convenience, or for political correctness. (Or do we?...see below) Our firm resolve has resulted in something unsettling, to say the least, as we're branded thus: haters, bigots, hypocrites.

As Christians we have to think deeply, rather than just regurgitate learned rhetoric. There are serious issues facing our culture and the world. We have to search scripture and our hearts to come up with a discerning stance on all sorts of issues. We are called to have a reason for our hope--all through the ages this has been true. Whatever faced Christians through the centuries, scripture called on them to have a reason for their hope.

History hints that in light of present circumstances, persecution is coming for the Christian, and not just in extremist areas like the Middle East. It's coming on the home front for all who dare open their mouths about the existence of absolute Truth.

Let's go over some serious issues of our time. We must know where we stand on these issues. They aren't someone else's problems, but issues for all humanity to grapple with.

Same-sex attraction does exist. Pedophilia, an attraction to children, does exist. Both are part of the sin curse--a part God has chosen not to eradicate or alleviate. A pedophile sometimes becomes a molester, but not always, just as a person battling same-sex attraction sometimes lives a homosexual lifestyle, but not always. The latter is a crime (and a sin), and the former is considered just sin in some camps, although most states at one time or another had laws on the books labeling sodomy a crime. In either case, the person battling the deviance is dealt a very tragic hand. As Christians standing up for the Bible, that's important for us to acknowledge.

Let me address some facts about molestation and pedophilia--which are two different things. We know that a small percentage of molestation cases are due to teenage experimentation (teenagers who are not pedophiles), and another small percentage are due to sociopaths displaying anti-social behavior (sociopaths who are not also pedophiles). An even smaller percentage are carried out by the severely mentally handicapped (who are not pedophiles). The remaining vast percentage of molestation incidents are carried out by pedophiles who choose to act on their disorder (pedophilia is a disorder listed in the diagnostic manual) in devious, manipulative, sick ways. They become highly manipulative in order to carry out their desires in ways that won't land them in prison. These people are predators, and their predatory behavior can start as soon as their sexuality kicks in at puberty.

Some argue that pedophiles are groomed by other pedophiles and wouldn't be this way if not for the crimes committed against them. Maybe, but probably only in some cases. Not everyone is corrupted by the sins committed against them. A friend from high school was molested by her father, who is a pedophile (and an alcoholic). Her life was ruined, in many respects, by the crime committed against her, but she was not corrupted, despite the number of years the perpetrator continued in his crimes against her. Now fifty, she has never married, has a number of physical and emotional problems, and despite being salutatorian in high school, has never met with any success in life (that can be measured outwardly). We have email contact only as she lives far away, but her circumstances never cease to tear me up inside, and they're part of the reason I don't trust anyone with my children.

As Christians trying to stand up for truth and mercy, it's important for us to come to terms with the ugliness of the sin curse, especially when we comment on the sins of others. This is emotionally- and mentally-wrenching work, this coming to terms. We are not all dealt an equal hand, when it comes to the sin curse. We all have a choice in how we live our lives, but not in the extent to which the sin curse affects us. God's grace has fallen on humanity unequally, in terms of the sin curse.

He chooses us; we don't choose him. Nevertheless, he probably chooses us by knowing ahead of time who will choose him. I don't pretend to understand this, but like you, I have to accept his sovereignty and be grateful for his grace in my life...and be merciful to others.

Some have the grace of coming from intact, healthy Christian families and becoming Christians early, while others have the grace of coming from unhealthy families, but later being a part of the small percentage of people who come to Christ after age 18. The extent of grace in our lives as a whole varies, but we are called to be grateful for every ounce of grace, not comparing with a bitter heart, wondering why others have it better.

And now, having come to terms a little with the different hands humanity is dealt, I've another angle to present in the whole case against Christians as bigots and hypocrites. In some ways, we are hypocritical.

For example, the marriage and remarriage "laws" in the Bible are strict, and yet we all know Christians who live in circumstances outside the scriptural model. Despite the fact that most pastors will not marry a couple who present with unscriptural circumstances, these couples, though Christian, marry anyway, often in civil ceremonies.

There are many Christian couples who divorce for reasons not cited in scripture. Some live alone and celibate for the rest of their lives, and others, not. Called to live in circumstances we don't like, we choose our own way, rationalizing it.

And yet, we tell same-sex attraction people that they mustn't act on their desires, even though we are guilty of acting on our own non-biblical desires. And similarly, their desire, like ours, is to be happy.

The stark reality? God doesn't call human beings to happiness. This is something we don't like to preach. He calls us to obedience. He calls us to a life of faith. He calls us to self-denial, for the sake of our fellow man. He calls us to walk the path he walked, by the power of the Holy Spirit.

If you talk about modesty in this era, people accuse you of victim-blaming, as though you're saying if someone dresses immodestly, they deserve what they got ( in terms of a sexual crime committed against them). No, modesty is about submitting to one another in love. A crime is a crime, regardless of how someone dressed.

Modesty is about denying the insecure desire to look as attractive as possible. As women, our real attractiveness comes from our heart for God. Skin-deep attractiveness is a grace given to some--but not one to be flaunted.

The Bible calls us to give, and yet many of us don't give even close to 10%, much less giving offerings on top of that.

We are called to forgive, but not all of us do.

We are called to all sorts of things in the Bible, but we fall short.

Why?

Three reasons. First, we have a sin nature. Secondly, we don't have enough faith to make the right decisions at the right times. And thirdly, we don't have the teachable heart necessary to take advantage of biblical wisdom. In all three cases, full surrender to God is lacking.

The few of us who follow biblical precepts pretty well, have another glaring problem. Pride.

We all fall short. Because we don't like, and don't choose to walk in, the path scripture lays out for us. Instead, we want to pursue happiness when it appears available.

Later, as God works in our lives and as we submit to a greater extent, we repent of past decisions and paths. Our sanctification is a process; some have a longer way to go. Some are stagnant for a time because of a unteachable heart, but even these people will be pulled along by their faithful Father, albeit at a slower pace, and with more consequences to deal with.

Some people find themselves in strange circumstances, biblically speaking. They may have divorced and remarried as young Christians still needing milk, but later, they find themselves capable of following scripture with more surrender. No longer baby Christians, they have more power in their lives--power in the form of greater faith, better self-control, better obedience, greater gratitude and generosity.

They repent of past mistakes, but they find themselves in a marriage they weren't supposed to have chosen, biblically speaking. Should they divorce now? Of course not. But they can certainly work to counsel others through their testimony. There were certainly consequences to their wrong decision, and they can speak to those for the sake of others facing the same cross roads: God was merciful to me, but you don't want to walk my path. Walk a better one. A more obedient one. A more legacy-producing one.

As to the matter of tithing: Generosity comes from gratitude, and tithes and offerings come from faith mixed with gratitude and obedience. Not all are in place at the same time. Sanctification is a process.

Despite the reality of this process, we still have to preach Truth. Sanctification being a process doesn't negate the importance of absolute truth, proclaimed. We still have to uphold the Bible as our standard. In our churches, we have to exhort obedience and surrender every Sunday, and everyday as parents with children. In the privacy of our own hearts, we must exhort ourselves to be teachable, to be obedient. To surrender all.

And as to the accusation that we are hypocrites, we best own up to it. We are. Our lives reflect that. We want everyone else to do as the Bible says, even though we don't thoroughly do it ourselves. We are all at his mercy.

The sin curse is horrible. Just horrible. For some people, it's more horrible than it is for us. When we proclaim Absolute Truth, we must also acknowledge that the sin curse is not equally distributed across humanity. We must deliver absolute Truth with authority, and with mercy. Always with mercy.

And we must preach this: The Cross is the answer to every dilemma, to every circumstance, to every horrible manifestation of the sin curse.

The Cross is the reason for our hope. The Cross is the promise of something perfect--in stark contrast to this tear-soaked, wrenching, sin-cursed world. The promise is that this is not our home. It is just a place we're rapidly passing through. Our place is secure for us in our real home...Heaven.

We must urge ourselves, and every Christian, to live, and to make decisions based not on this place, but on Heaven. There are all sorts of discomforts we can handle now, for the sake of Heaven.

We must bathe ourselves in the Word, as a reminder of our Hope, which gives us strength. We must commune with the Holy Spirit, who is our comfort and our teacher.

Whatever happens in the coming years in terms of our persecution, remember the reason for your hope. Remember the rewards waiting in eternity for those who surrender fully now...even unto death. Be willing to proclaim Christ, through all, for the glory of God--the glory of God being our joy and our job.

The Addict Versus the Christian: Your Response

One of the hardest things I've ever had to do? Definitely, it's detaching from my mother's drinking and its consequences. Last night I received another angry email from a sibling--one who is deeply entrenched in enablement, and harshly judging me for my stance. Reading it sent my heart racing, and once again, I perceived that addiction is a gift that just keeps on giving--and not in a good way.

How one deals with an addicted person involves assessing what stage of denial they're in, and acting according to their readiness for recovery. If the denial is deep, and they refuse to admit they have a problem, there is little one can do, outside of detaching.

What is detachment, exactly? And why do I bother writing this post?

When I think back to my family life growing up, and how all of us behaved, I'm deeply saddened by the secrecy and denial. Addiction is shameful and ugly, but keeping it secret is even more shameful. If you deal with an addicted person in your life, I urge you to move away from secrecy and toward acknowledgement and transparency. Denial and secrecy are your enemies, and millions of families, including millions of innocent children, suffer needlessly not so much because of someone's addiction, but because of the secrecy and denial.

Reject your former response and move into the Light. Give your addicted friend or family member over to the care of our Almighty God, who is mighty to save. Any control you think you have over the situation is mere illusion.

Detachment is considered cruel by those who don't understand its value; you will be judged harshly. Lean on the Lord as you detach and gather your support where you can. Stand by your convictions, even if it means standing alone. Be gracious to those who won't understand, remembering that few of us understand what we haven't experienced.

Detachment, by definition, is removing yourself from the consequences of someone's addiction. It is crucial for recovery purposes that they take the consequences, fully. Any help from you in that regard just makes them get sicker--and you get sicker too, with your enabling and your refusal to move into the Light. Addiction is sin, and you want no role in it.

Is it also a disease? Probably, so ask God to provide what you need to forgive, to give you the compassion necessary to view your loved one as the Lord views her--as a sinner in need of Grace. Don't judge, but also, don't participate.

Think of detachment as being neither kind nor unkind. Don't bail your loved one out of jail, if it gets to that. Don't do any act, large or small, that makes the person more comfortable, outside of saving their life if you can. That said, if they commit suicide, don't take responsibility for it. Each person is accountable for their own life, and we don't "save" anyone. Addiction or not, God will judge the person by their actions, by their denial of Him, by their refusal to repent.

Romans 14:12 So then, each of us will give an account of ourselves to God.

Romans 2:6 Who will render to every man according to his deeds

Galatians 6:5 For each will have to bear his own load.

God saves, and any part we have in it is because he allowed us to have a part, for His glory. Don't believe that you can change anything, for that is controlling--part of the enabler's sickness. Yes, it's true. Enablers have a controlling streak. And what's worse, they're capable of pity only, not love, until they understand the difference between the two. Their self-esteem comes from rescuing people over and over. It gives them a false sense of power--an illusion of grand purpose. As such, their sickness is just as serious as the addict's.

I have a friend who recently lost a grandfather--a grandfather unsaved and negative toward God. The family deeply grieves his passing, which was more painful than most losses, due to his final destination. They tried to witness, to no avail. What she explained to me in her letter was one of the hardest things any of us has to process this side of heaven. Why doesn't God save everyone? She said they have to trust that God is just, and acts accordingly.

Why doesn't God save every addict? Why doesn't he soften every heart? Why doesn't he rescue every child stuck in an addictive home? All of it is mystery. Don't try to figure it out. Trust in the Lord fully and believe in His goodness. Give thanks that He saved you, and feel guilty not for those who perish unsaved, unless you never shared the Gospel. But even then, let the guilt go because God is sovereign, and he works through our sloppy or inadequate attempts. If we live unashamed of the Gospel, that is witness in itself. Don't hide your faith, don't water it down, don't keep it quiet to avoid offending. Live boldly and let God work through you.

And hold on tight, because the world will hate you because of your unveiled love for and allegiance to the Son. They will distort it all, claiming moral relativism and tolerance is the way to go, for in their minds, absolute Truth doesn't exist.

If someone you love is never saved, know that God is Love, regardless. Cling to Him and His goodness, which will only make you stronger for the work he has for us, as Christians.

The last thing I want to say, is to believe. Imagine what it will be like when your loved one meets the Redeemer. Hope. Because hope will keep you praying. Hope will strengthen you. Hope will be your endurance. Hope will help you run and finish the race well, for His glory.

Remember how Jesus was viewed by his own town members? They were blind to the divine in Him. They were too close to it all, in essence. I don't believe that family members are always the best Gospel deliverers, for the receivers are too caught up in the emotional responses ingrained in them toward that member.

And when you've been hurt by an addicted family member, it's even harder to "deliver" the Gospel well. Trust God here to bring in a neutral party to seal the deal. And remember, too, that your responses are not always going to be good ones. Be compassionate toward yourself, as well. It's easier to shower compassion on an addicted outsider, than it is on one who has hurt you. I read a pastor's account of this, in relation to his own functioning alcoholic father. He noticed that he showers compassion easily on the addicted (compassion not pity) who have hurt others with their addiction, rather than him.

As you pray for your loved one, pray someone neutral into their lives, who will deliver the Gospel and Love without prejudice, and be a sound and enduring witness.

This is where I'm at now. Fighting for hope. It appears my mother has rejected God for good, and other loved ones are being brought down with her. It's so hard to have hope, for I've prayed so long.

But God is at work in my heart, teaching me to hope. To hope in Him, for He is our only true Hope.

Multitude Monday: Claiming Christ

My Mary, a kindergartner, gained ground these last few weeks in reading fluency. In her mind life will really change into something glorious, "when she's bigger and can read."

I explained, "Why, Honey, you're already reading."

But this tedious sounding out, this dragging on of the text? It doesn't feel like reading to her. Reading is what Mommy does with a picture book or a chapter book. It's what the boys do in their easy chairs for a few hours a day, silently.

Reading is effortless. That's the view from her perspective.

So imagine her surprise when a sentence rolled off her tongue this week, fluently, for once. The words seemed familiar and the sounds mingled without effort.

She turned that determined head toward me, smiling hesitantly as though asking, "Um...what just happened there?"

It's like that with faith, too.

Our neighborhood friend L, whom I've written about since last spring, walked into our lives one balmy April day. She rode by on her bike, staring at my girls in the yard. Mary waved at her and L turned around and rode right into the driveway, introducing herself.

A few minutes later she came to the door, seeing me there, and invited herself right in, asking for a pretzel rod, and then another and another. Right away she reminded me of Pippi Longstocking. Despite myself, I fell in love with her strangely hilarious ways.

These months flew by. I admit there were times I rolled my eyes when she'd saunter into the yard. Her presence doesn't come without stress and at times I wanted to take that scripture, "Go and make disciples" and shove it.

But God is faithful and He didn't let me shove it. Now, even though her life is still in shambles, with police still coming to break up domestic violence, L's soul is awake. The Holy Spirit is there, inside her heart.

Like that fluent sentence Mary read this week, it's miraculous.

In Romans 10:17, Paul says, ‘Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word about Christ’ 

Reflecting on these many months with L--the drives to AWANA, the pretzel rods that disappeared, the whopper lies she tortured us with, the love that grew in my heart, the turmoil she survived--I'm reminded that the miraculous doesn't come without effort, just like that first fluent sentence didn't come without practice. 

Hours of it. 

We had to share the Word with L and put ourselves out there. We couldn't just sit back and expect her to notice something different about our family, and eventually ask about Jesus. 

As much as we'd like it to be that easy, it's not. We have to risk something. We have to claim Jesus.

Have you noticed that most people don't mind the word God, but Jesus incites riots in the heart? To claim Jesus comes with a price. We claimed Him when we passed Jesus Storybook Bibles around the neighborhood, and some don't come to our Children's Bible Study. A couple washed their hands of us, at least for now.

Only a remnant will believe and every soul matters to God. "Go and make disciples" is uncomfortable. It's isolating, even.

Why does any Christian do it? It isn't a requirement to get to heaven, after all.

We do it to give thanks to God. Having been filled up so graciously, to overflowing, we have something to give. 

Claiming Christ is an obedience and an act of thanksgiving, both. When God's grace floods a heart and the change radiates lovely, it feels miraculous. So go, hand out pretzel rods. Listen to those whoppers. In the end the little things we do, though brave, pale against the all-powerful, transforming work of Grace that is God's alone.

It's a mystery why we must go and make disciples when it's His grace that saves. Sometimes claiming Christ seems futile and too costly. But when the seed takes root and the fruit appears in spring, the glory of God floods the whole picture. I don't understand any of it and why one receives His grace and another walks away, remains a mystery.

Don't wait to understand it, just share in it.

Giving thanks today:

~ a husband who shares in it with me.

~ providing a safe haven for L during a fight at home, between her mother and grandfather. The grandparents have their hands full dealing with the on-going irresponsibility of their adult daughter, L's mother. Their choices are grim. Either kick their daughter out and stop enabling her dysfunction, and hope she leaves the children behind, or continue to deal with her so they can also provide a safe home for her children. They all need Christ and hopefully L's faith will break bonds of hate and dysfunction  Mental illness is there in the mix, but Christ is bigger than that; He has overcome that. Thank you for praying for L and her family!

~ my Lord to cling to and Scripture to wash me clean.

~ the furnace working well again. Another mystery of grace.

~ pumpkin pie on a bitterly cold, windy day.

~ dedicated authors who live humbly and work for next to nothing, writing transforming tales for my children and me to devour.

~ children who sleep in till 8:30 AM, most days.

~ the curriculum that comes with the Jesus Storybook Bible. I'm a hard sell when it comes to any curriculum, but this is awesome to use.

~ two precious girls to counter the testosterone around here.

~ this picture of Amy's new baby. (Amy from Raising Arrows)

The Mystery of Him

Sometimes, God's more mystery than anything else. Yes, he reveals himself beautifully in the Bible, through David's words and Paul's and Isaiah's and many others. His Holy Spirit speaks to me as I read, and as I pray.

But there are those times I'm just dumbfounded by the mystery of Him.

My brother hasn't contacted me nor answered my e-mails in a year, so I inquired of my mom about it. A few days later another of the hurtful e-mails came, accusing me of being in a cult. I've been receiving them once or twice a year for 15 years.

They all think I'm weird and my brother has just washed his hands of me. My mother wrote that she only contacts me because she brought me into this world and because of that, she loves me unconditionally.

But, still, she says none of them can stomach my harsh views. To say I love them and at the same time to think they're going to hell, seems ghastly and devilish to them.

For the record, I don't do the hell-fire and brimstone thing, but since some Born-Again Christians do, it's guilt by association.

Faith is a gift and a mystery. Some believe that because He has foreknowledge of our hearts, he reveals himself only to those who he knows will receive him. And to all others, he never reveals himself.

If you have unsaved family members who hate the Jesus in you, you know the tragedy of which I speak. You feel isolated, even while Jesus is your ever-present comfort. The isolation never gets better.

And then, another mystery in the same weekend.

On Saturday, the Children's Bible Study lesson? Ready and waiting. The games organized, the snacks planned, the house clean. Even the furnace acts like a champ, making us both wonder if the heater guy was trying to scare us. It lights without difficulty--no delayed-ignition popping sound anymore.

About the time my children were over-the-moon excited about the Bible Study's beginning, Mary throws up.

At the last minute I have to cancel.

I trust Him. I love Him. I fear Him. I'm thankful for Him. I feel Him. I need Him.

Yet, still. He's a mystery to me.

My Faith endures. My Hope endures. My Love must endure.

No matter what comes, no matter what's passed, there is always our Everlasting Father, Our Wonderful Counselor. Always enduring in our hearts, always renewing and embodying our Faith, Hope, Love.

And the greatest of these is Love.

Pray for me as I Love, in the face of bitter rejection?