Stillness of Heart

Wednesday's my busiest day. Miss Beth has speech and physical therapy and we do baking for AWANA in the afternoon, followed by Kids' Choir at 6:00 PM, then AWANA in the same building from 6:30 - 8:00 PM. I help in AWANA as well every week.

The other days of the week I diligently try to stay home, except for library every other week. Home is where hearts are nurtured and Scripture is learned and bad habits and attitudes are prayed away. Running around to this and that activity, for me, is just chasing the world's vision of success. One day a week is enough, and kids can certainly alternate their pursuits in the name of stillness of heart.

If God wants a child to develop a certain talent, he'll make it happen. We don't have to chase talents by leaving the house three or more times a week. They're bestowed on us--my Paul's piano playing has demonstrated that to me. I don't run him to lessons but nevertheless, he's growing in talent and determination. God has decided He wants this for my Paul, probably to bring glory to Himself. I've learned to trust Him in all things, including the pace of life. 

Slower, steadier, is better than frenzied chasing.

On Wednesday when I'm most busy, Psalms help me stay afloat and keep me focused on His yoke, not my own yoke of perfectionism. When our activities are orchestrated by Him, they will flow well. They will have meaning and depth and they will not overwhelm us. They are for Him.

The cookies for AWANA are for Him. Our Christian witness at Beth's weekly appointments is for Him. Our efforts at learning Scripture are for Him. Paul's practice at the piano is for Him. Our voices lifted up in praise at kids' choir is for Him.

If it's for Him it will fit into your life and your heart well, like the pieces of a puzzle. When it becomes about us or about the world, it pulls us away from Him. 

He is our Anchor. Our refuge. Our Truth. Our Purpose. Our Peace. 

We are His.

I have a very well-meaning homeschooler sending e-mail after e-mail about this and that activity for homeschoolers. I usually say no, but the e-mails keep coming. The suggested activities keep piling up and encompassing most days. What is she running from, I wonder? Why so much doing and so little stillness? Why so many people constantly around and so little time to listen to just His voice? At first it felt like peer pressure and upset me, but I've stood firmly on the need for stillness of heart.

I'm the worst mother when I'm rushing them to get somewhere on time. I don't feed my children as well--neither their bodies or their souls. I'm too harsh with them.

My children are at their best when they have this sacred home space to learn in, grow in, play in, nurture each other in. Thus strengthened, when they do go out in the world, they are prepared to impact it, not just experience it for pleasure.

I'm the best mother and wife when I've had time to talk with Him. Read. Pray. Reflect. Listen. And then more prayer to solidify His whispers unto my heart.

Psalm 5 successfully refocused my heart on Him today, on my busiest of days.

What refocuses you, my friend?

Psalm 5

1Give ear to my words, O Lord;
consider my groaning.
2 Give attention to the sound of my cry,
my King and my God,
for to you do I pray.
3 O Lord, in the morning you hear my voice;
in the morning I prepare a sacrifice for you and watch.


4 For you are not a God who delights in wickedness;
evil may not dwell with you.
5 The boastful shall not stand before your eyes;
you hate all evildoers.
6 You destroy those who speak lies;
the Lord abhors the bloodthirsty and deceitful man.


7 But I, through the abundance of your steadfast love,
will enter your house.
I will bow down toward your holy temple
in the fear of you.
8 Lead me, O Lord, in your righteousness
because of my enemies;
make your way straight before me.


9 For there is no truth in their mouth;
their inmost self is destruction;
their throat is an open grave;
they flatter with their tongue.
10 Make them bear their guilt, O God;
let them fall by their own counsels;
because of the abundance of their transgressions cast them out,
for they have rebelled against you.


11 But let all who take refuge in you rejoice;
let them ever sing for joy,
and spread your protection over them,
that those who love your name may exult in you.
12 For you bless the righteous, O Lord;
you cover him with favor as with a shield. source here

David's Sin With Bathsheba: A Broken, Contrite Spirt, Part 2

Yesterday in Part 1 we found King David covering up his sin with Bathsheba by eventually ordering the death of her husband, Uriah, on the battlefield.

It's worth noting that the sins committed here were David's alone. The beautiful Bathsheba had every reason to expect that as she bathed on the balcony of her home, she had privacy. The King was supposed to be on the battlefield at the time. Moreover, when Bathsheba was summoned by lust-driven King David, she had no choice but to go, or risk death for refusing.

As we closed yesterday, we noted that our hearts are never hidden from God. The foolhardy King should have known better than to think he'd gotten away with these grievous sins.

The first time I read this story years ago, I thought, "What happened to the David from the Psalms!" 

David was a man after God's own heart, and now this? How did he get so far from God? Once he was free from Saul's wrath and no longer had to flee, did he need God less and spend less time praising and loving Him? 

Every life has seasons and in every season, He must reign.

Are we closest to God when we're suffering and furthest from him when things go smoothly? And when we're closest to His heart, do we sin less often and less seriously? Not that any sin is acceptable to God, but some sins involve many people, rendering the consequences farther reaching.

Having two special-needs children and other daily difficulties forces me in and out of prayer all day. Would I be so connected to God in the absence of daily struggle? I will continue to give thanks for hard hallelujahs, for I never want to stray from my Wonderful Counselor, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

The Lord, exceedingly displeased at David's transgressions, sent Nathan to see the King.

2 Samuel 12: 1-12

12 And the Lord sent Nathan to David. He came to him and said to him, “There were two men in a certain city, the one rich and the other poor. 2 The rich man had very many flocks and herds, 3 but the poor man had nothing but one little ewe lamb, which he had bought. And he brought it up, and it grew up with him and with his children. It used to eat of his morsel and drink from his cup and lie in his arms, and it was like a daughter to him. 

4 Now there came a traveler to the rich man, and he was unwilling to take one of his own flock or herd to prepare for the guest who had come to him, but he took the poor man's lamb and prepared it for the man who had come to him.” 

5 Then David's anger was greatly kindled against the man, and he said to Nathan, “As the Lord lives, the man who has done this deserves to die, 6 and he shall restore the lamb fourfold, because he did this thing, and because he had no pity.” 

⁷ Nathan said to David, “You are the man! Thus says the Lord, the God of Israel, ‘I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you out of the hand of Saul. ⁸ And I gave you your master's house and your master's wives into your arms and gave you the house of Israel and of Judah. And if this were too little, I would add to you as much more. 

⁹ Why have you despised the word of the Lord, to do what is evil in his sight?You have struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and have taken his wife to be your wife and have killed him with the sword of the Ammonites. 

¹⁰ Now therefore the sword shall never depart from your house, because you have despised me and have taken the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your wife.’

¹¹ Thus says the Lord, ‘Behold, I will raise up evil against you out of your own house. And I will take your wives before your eyes and give them to your neighbor, and he shall lie with your wives in the sight of this sun. ¹² For you did it secretly, but I will do this thing before all Israel and before the sun.’” scripture source here

Next up, we will study the defining moment in David's life. How will he respond? Will he pull the King card and have Nathan killed? Will he deny? 

When we're hurt by someone and let our pain give rise to coldness, resentment, or hate, will we justify our sin, citing the heart breaker's sin first? Will we deny it? Or cover it up?

How we respond to our sin--any sin in our life--represents a defining moment in our life too. The Bible is clear regarding forgiveness. We received it and we must extend it. 

Not so easy to do, is it, when the wounds go deep? When they span years?

If there are no current heart breakers in your life, what about your past? Are there people you've hardened your heart against? It can be a subtle hardening, such as not writing as much on the Christmas card, or not writing on it at all except a signature. Or it can be blatant, such as avoiding a family get-together your heart breaker may be at.

We all have someone, somewhere. Let us watch what David does and learn of him.

David's Sin With Bathsheba: A Broken, Contrite Spirit, Part 1

When someone breaks your heart, how do you respond? Do you lose sleep, tossing and turning and feeling sick to the stomach? Do you vacillate between crying out to the Lord for his loving Spirit, reciting the 23rd Psalm, and vowing to forsake the heart breaker forevermore?

Each time I get a hurtful e-mail from my mom, I get sick to my stomach and I can't concentrate. Sleep eludes me and I don't take good care of my family. When will it end, I wonder? When will the rejection and heartache stop?

I know my duty to love, even in the face of my enemies, but I feel too weak and sick to do anything but withdraw. It's not revenge, but self-preservation.

I want to feel good and do right by my family. I don't want to burden my husband or my children with my heartbreak. They can't understand the ache, though my husband tries very hard to empathize. Men can decide not to let something bother them. They compartmentalize well, generally speaking.

A woman, in contrast, doesn't put away her emotions like this. I can't demand my heart to stop hurting.

Sin can arise from a broken heart and as women, who feel deeply, we need to be especially aware of this. If we let it, a broken heart leads to bitterness and hate. And those sins, unconfessed and unforgiven, will impair our prayers, our walk with the Lord, and our witness.

At first, when it's still fresh, the wound plays over and over in our minds. Then, exhausted, we try to gain some equilibrium again. We move forward with the essential duties of life, gradually giving the heart breaker and the offense less and less of our mental and emotional time.

It's at this point that sin can take deep root. In trying to move on with our life, we forget the hard work of forgiveness.

Let's take a moment to distinguish between mercy and grace.

Extending mercy means we don't punish or take revenge on our heart breaker. Extending grace means we help them, give them other gifts of the heart, pray for them, and wish them well. Extending grace means we love them.

I think it's safe to think of forgiveness as loving someone without prejudice. This occurs as an act of grace, flowing from the Lord through us. 

I'm aware of this and of my potential sin in this vulnerable period, so today the Lord led me to study King David's fall from grace. Now, adultery has nothing to do with my broken heart or probably yours either, but there are valuable lessons to be learned about repentant hearts from studying David's story.

As you know, King David lay with Bathsheba while her husband was fighting in the King's army. When she told David she was with child, he sent for Uriah her husband, hoping Uriah would go home and lay with his wife, so that when the child was born, Uriah would think it his own.

But being a loyal soldier, Uriah didn't want to take that pleasure while other men were fighting hard in battle.

David then had Uriah over for dinner and got him drunk, hoping he would then go to his wife. But still, Uriah didn't go home. He controlled himself, despite his drunkenness.

Still desperate to hide his sin, David sent word to Joab his general to have Uriah put in the front lines of battle, so that he would be killed.

Yes, David was that desperate. And that sinful.

The deed done, David sighed with relief. After a proper mourning period, he took Bathsheba to be his wife, with no one the wiser, other than a couple servants he probably paid off.

But as we all know, we can't hide our hearts from God. He knows every detail. 

To be continued....

Giving Thanks Today:

~ The boys and Daddy having a grand day of sledding, coming back excited, refreshed and red-faced.

~ A husband's arms

~ A gracious Father

~ God's Holy Word

~ Psalms that soothe and heal

~ Prayer warriors to help us do battle against the enemy

~ A cured little girl. Mary only threw up once.

~ Still no nausea from Beth's chemo drug (taken for arthritis)

~ The Holy Spirit directing and guiding my heart

What are you thankful for today?

The Mystery of Him

Sometimes, God's more mystery than anything else. Yes, he reveals himself beautifully in the Bible, through David's words and Paul's and Isaiah's and many others. His Holy Spirit speaks to me as I read, and as I pray.

But there are those times I'm just dumbfounded by the mystery of Him.

My brother hasn't contacted me nor answered my e-mails in a year, so I inquired of my mom about it. A few days later another of the hurtful e-mails came, accusing me of being in a cult. I've been receiving them once or twice a year for 15 years.

They all think I'm weird and my brother has just washed his hands of me. My mother wrote that she only contacts me because she brought me into this world and because of that, she loves me unconditionally.

But, still, she says none of them can stomach my harsh views. To say I love them and at the same time to think they're going to hell, seems ghastly and devilish to them.

For the record, I don't do the hell-fire and brimstone thing, but since some Born-Again Christians do, it's guilt by association.

Faith is a gift and a mystery. Some believe that because He has foreknowledge of our hearts, he reveals himself only to those who he knows will receive him. And to all others, he never reveals himself.

If you have unsaved family members who hate the Jesus in you, you know the tragedy of which I speak. You feel isolated, even while Jesus is your ever-present comfort. The isolation never gets better.

And then, another mystery in the same weekend.

On Saturday, the Children's Bible Study lesson? Ready and waiting. The games organized, the snacks planned, the house clean. Even the furnace acts like a champ, making us both wonder if the heater guy was trying to scare us. It lights without difficulty--no delayed-ignition popping sound anymore.

About the time my children were over-the-moon excited about the Bible Study's beginning, Mary throws up.

At the last minute I have to cancel.

I trust Him. I love Him. I fear Him. I'm thankful for Him. I feel Him. I need Him.

Yet, still. He's a mystery to me.

My Faith endures. My Hope endures. My Love must endure.

No matter what comes, no matter what's passed, there is always our Everlasting Father, Our Wonderful Counselor. Always enduring in our hearts, always renewing and embodying our Faith, Hope, Love.

And the greatest of these is Love.

Pray for me as I Love, in the face of bitter rejection?

Live by Faith or Buy Insurance?

We had dinner with a relative the other day and he explained that his parents are consolidating all their money interests and curbing expenses. When Obama got re-elected, he told me, they panicked. They imagine doomsday with the economy and the debt. They're hunkering down for disaster.

Earlier today my Peter warned me, "Mommy, you better get started on the Bible Study lesson. What if you can't get it done in time?"

His brother isn't sure anyone will come to our study.

My husband wonders if the furnace will cause a fire and burn down the house and what if our homeowners' insurance company finds out that we knew it was dangerous, and they decide not to cover the burned-down house?

Not everyone in this house has the gift of everyday faith. It's a spiritual gift...just one of many gifts that hold up the Church. I have it and my housemates have other gifts I don't have.

I've not questioned my ability to be prepared for Bible study. Prayer is the first order of business and I've done that several times a day for weeks now. The study preparation I can handle, but God must prepare the hearts.

I never questioned whether God would protect us while we use a faulty furnace, albeit as little as possible. I wear my winter jacket while I type this at midnight and the thermostat is set at 57 degrees, reducing the number of times it will come on while we sleep.

Do you have the gift of faith? Or at least a modicum of everyday faith? Or do you secure maximum insurance and pad your retirement accounts and do everything in your power to secure your today and tomorrow?

Are the uninsured and the under-insured irresponsible, while the insured are smarter and more grown-up?

I remember reading a story several months back that really changed my perspective on faith.

A woman described and compared two different ministry couples she knew. One couple only took ministry positions that payed well and allowed them to secure their future through savings and retirement accounts. The churches they chose to work for had to be well-established and offer excellent benefit packages.

The other couple worked for free or for next to nothing when necessary, going wherever ministry needs were greatest. They didn't have health benefits or the means to save for retirement. They didn't own a home.

As I read the woman's account, I predicted right away that the more faith-filled couple would make out the best.

But I was in for a shock.

Turns out the conservative couple enjoyed a comfortable retirement, taking trips when they desired and having good healthcare as they aged. They owned a nice home, besides.

The faith-filled couple reached retirement age and had to live in a run-down trailer with very little income and sometimes sparse food in the cupboards. The husband got sick and didn't get the best care because of their poverty. He died, leaving his wife in dire straights. Her local church did help her survive, but her lifestyle never reached a secure or comfortable point. Daily life was always a struggle and she always needed assistance from others, while the other couple, in contrast, lived independently.

However, the widow's faith remained strong. She was a blessing to spend time with despite her circumstances.

I often think about this contrast, these many months after reading it. At first I was horrified that God hadn't repayed the humble couple's faith and sacrificial service. In my opinion they deserved more than the couple who put themselves first and only worked in convenient ministry.

And for a few days after reading it, I worried about my own precarious present and future. I'm putting my heart into my family now, but will God repay my service and take care of me as an old woman? When my older-than-me husband has to retire, how will I supplement our retirement incomes and secure health benefits for us? How will I continue to support some of our children, particularly our youngest who might suffer long-term disability from her arthritis, either because of her eye involvement, or her joints, or both? And what if Peter who suffers from several disorders can't support himself very well?

I don't know any answers and I haven't had a female exam in three years. I'm late in getting that first mammogram. It's on my list but money often has to go for repairs rather than doctor or clinic appointments.

Will I end up in a run-down trailer, too? Will I die young because of poor healthcare?

What does faithful service really get us in the end? What's the reward...if any?

John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

Oh, yes. 

That's it...isn't it? His Presence. His Peace. Not as the world gives. Our faith is credited to us as righteousness. Our reward isn't here. 

On earth, peace, joy, love. In heaven, we will reign with Him in glory. 

When people went to visit the poor widow they went away refreshed and amazed by her faith. She delighted her visitors with her joyful, quiet spirit. She pointed them to Him, through her joy and peace.

He received the glory for the way she handled her circumstances. The circumstances were an avenue to bring him glory, just as her entire life was.

Who gets the glory when retirement turns out perky and comfortable, because of years of carefully planned and calculated decisions? The planner does. People congratulate him or her on effective portfolio and estate management.

When we purpose to live for Him...trusting tomorrow to Him...who gets the glory in the end? 

Not State Farm, but the Almighty Living God. Our God is mighty to save and he never leaves us nor forsakes us.

I didn't get it right away, but now I know who got the better deal in the end. 

image source