Let Love Win

Regular readers may know by now that my 90-year-old father-in-law, a Florida resident, may come to live with us. He's fallen recently and is in a rehab center now, getting stronger daily in small leaps.

I speak to him on the phone daily to get to know him better and track his progress.

This probably seems strange, but although I've been married 14 years, I've seen my father-in-law only twice for short Florida visits--once in the year after we married, and again when my first child was 9 months old.

He doesn't care to fly or travel and we don't have travel funds. And for the last five years, up until Father's Day 2013, Luther gave all of us the silent treatment, not answering the phone, not reading our letters.

I think that phone call on Father's Day, from Luther to us, was an answer to our prayers and Part One of God's plan to help Luther finish well. Luther's fall two weeks ago was Part Two of God's redemption plan.

Some days Luther seems interested in living with us, and other days he leans toward a retirement home.

At any rate he knows the risk of falling again is too great to continue living alone. What will Luther ultimately choose?

What does God want? What is his divine plan for my father-in-law's last months or years on this earth? I wonder about this daily now. If we are actors and actresses following an already-written script (God's will) what is my next scene about...and what is Luther's about?

Certainly it would be hard both for him and for us if he lives here. The children are noisy and needy and the chores and tasks are many. My plate is already full. And Luther has lived alone some 40 years now, never remarrying after his wife died in a car accident when my husband was 16. How will he adjust to having housemates? Will he shout and bark at us to be quiet?

What happens when my ADHD son has a meltdown? Will Grandpa interfere? Will I get angry at him and him at me? Will he love my son unconditionally, or favor the other children?

Will Luther have picky meal requests on top of my children's pickiness? What will I make for dinner, pray tell? What if my pineapple-upside down cake tastes too sweet, compared to his wife's?

On the one hand it all seems so messy, but God has a purpose for every stage of our lives. He allows our bodies to give out gradually. In the 80's and 90's we lose our balance and fall frequently. We can't quite get to the bathroom in time and we feel so tired, needing daily naps.

Does all this deterioration happen for a reason--beyond just the sin curse?

Parents care for babies and young children despite the exhaustion and intensity, day and night. We all survive and hopefully our little ones stay out of trouble, if not thrive during these years.

Later, it reverses. Elderly parents need the same care from us that decades earlier they provided for us. Even down to the potty care, bath care, feeding care and settling them down for a nap.

Why this cycle? What is God's intention? After living separately for decades, suddenly parent and child are back together under one roof, sometimes with fear as to how it will turn out?

As I've talked to God about this, I think I'm hearing these words--redemption, amends, forgiveness, grace, mercy, gratitude.

Most of all, I think God wants Luther to finish well. The Lord began a work in Luther's heart years ago, but Luther was not always cooperative. He's stubborn as an ox, much like my sister-in-law and one of my own daughters (Mary).

As a father Luther was sharp-tongued and merciless with his children. As much as he could he ignored them, spending all his non-working hours in his garage, tinkering. My husband, his sister, and their mother walked around on egg shells, not knowing what would happen next with Luther's temper. There was frequent spanking, but probably not what we'd call abuse...emotional abuse, sure, but not physical.

In his defense I must add that Luther was raised by a mentally-challenged mother and no father at all. The circumstances of his birth and upbringing were tragic.

Now at age 90, as much as Luther may want the comfort and quiet of a retirement home, God may want him in the midst of family chaos and love.

God may want Luther to finally invest in someone's heart, despite the fear of failure. And similarly, the Lord may want someone to give Luther unconditional love, despite his rough edges. His wife and children despised him most of the time. Luther left his own mother when he was 16 to work and live on someone's farm, closer to the high school, and his mother disowned him for it.

Luther desperately needs a love he doesn't deserve. Like someone else I know? Like me? Like my husband and our children?

We are all the same...sinners in need of grace. We crave love above all. Love heals. Love redeems. Love changes the heart.

The Lord may want Luther to speak love into his children heart's for the first time, smoothing over past wounds. My husband can get in touch with the childhood pain easily, but he's forgiven his father. His sister hasn't.

The Lord may want all of us to swim in the pain of brokenness for a while, while he works to redeem the past and finish the work he began in Luther, while dealing with our sins at the same time. We may need to overlook a lot of harsh words, and Luther may need to overlook a lot of noise and chaos and messy family business.

Through it all each person sharing this roof will need to cling to the Father. Tightly. It will be, above all, a lesson in clinging to God. I've had lessons like that before--two miscarriages, job loss, three unpleasant medical diagnoses in my children. I look back on those trials without resentment, knowing that in those months I grew exponentially.

Please pray with me that Luther will finish well? That he will come to our home and live life messy with us? That he will let God redeem the past? That Luther would receive unconditional love here? That he would leave a strong legacy afterall, by the grace of a magnificent God?

Luther's is just one messy story in a sea of human brokenness. Every family, every descendant of Adam and Eve, has a messy story. The question is, what will we do with our messiness? 

Pray that in our home, and in yours, love wins...for the glory of God.

Psalm 66:10 You have tested us, O God; you have purified us like silver.

Pray Without Ceasing - It's Not Impossible

In this post I wrote about God's work in my life regarding the management of stress. Specifically, what God is teaching me is to pray first whenever a difficulty arrives, rather than responding with bodily stress that raises my blood pressure and changes my mood, all because I'm trying to deal with the difficulty in my own strength.

Over a full day these stress responses wear me out emotionally and keep me from mothering the way I want to, especially at the end of the day.

In response to that post, a reader wrote: "I have been working on praying first instead of stressing. I cannot believe all the testimonies I have experienced already! The only problem is I still struggle to do it. Why?":)

Well...I might have an answer to that. I've thought about it a lot these last couple weeks.

When I was nursing Beth I had an active prayer life (she nursed 4.5 years total). Three months after she was born my husband lost his job, bringing a great deal of stress in my life. Before long I was praying each time I nursed and even after the intensity of that time passed, my mind kept associating nursing with prayer time. It became automatic and the connection in my mind lasted for the full length of our nursing relationship.

Beth slowly weaned herself over several months so that by June, 2013, she was barely asking to nurse at all. After a three-week break she did ask to nurse suddenly, but the milk diminished enough that she wasn't getting much for her effort. She asked a few more times and then stopped asking altogether, with nary a complaint.
  
It happened so slowly that it didn't dawn on me right away. The less she nursed, the fewer prayer sessions I enjoyed. See, the nursing sessions were a fixed prayer time for me.

Now that she's weaned, I've had to ask myself the same question you see posted above: "The only problem is I still struggle to do it? Why?"

I can answer this only for myself, but maybe it will help some of you too. In my life it took a fixed prayer time to focus my mind and heart on prayer, so that over time fellowshipping with God became more automatic--less an act of my will. And because I was conversing so often with him, it spilled over into other times of the day. My mind was in tune with God--used to talking with him. It became a habit.

When we sit down for a once-a-day quiet time that's an act of our will. It's wonderful and obedient. But the Bible tells us to pray without ceasing. How do we make the transition from praying at our quiet time and before our meals, to praying without ceasing?

1 Thessolonians 5:16-18 Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.…

Developing a prayer habit is the answer. Experts say it takes 21 consecutive days for an act of our will to become a habit. Our minds are too quick to roll through life without thought of God, but a fixed, recurring reminder would solve that dilemma. I believe this is what God is referring to when he instructed us to pray without ceasing. He's saying: Form a habit of putting me first...of making me your first love.

Luke 10:27 “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind..."

We begin to love him with all our hearts after we've formed a habit of conversing with Him throughout the day.

What did it take to fall in love with our husbands way back when? We formed a habit of talking on the phone and getting together for fellowship. Gradually, we shared more and more without fear until eventually we had to get married. Being apart wasn't feasible anymore.

That is what God wants from our hearts. That they would be so in tune with his, that being apart becomes unfeasible.

We each need to find something in our lives that will function as a fixed prayer time, whether it's washing dishes the long way three times a day, or doing laundry or preparing meals. Something.

Changing a diaper, maybe?

If nothing else we can set the oven timer three or four times a day, to remind us to pause the regular daily programming and stop for prayer. Our children can participate too, either privately or with the family unit.

Gradually, the prayer relationship will solidify and spill over into other times of the day. We'll respond to difficult situations first with prayer, because prayer will become part of who we are. We'll become a prayer warrior.

Daily Christian life is a battleground; Satan's always ready to fight for our hearts. Our best defense is offense and prayer is that offense.

I believe there really is a way to pray without ceasing. It won't happen overnight and at first it will be an act of our will, but the Holy Spirit will meet us far more than halfway. He will make us succeed if our hearts are sincere.

The work of grace that started when we first believed will prevail.

Philippians 1:6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

What reminds you to pray throughout the day?

Cross references:

1. Philippians 1:6 : Ps 138:8
2. Philippians 1:6 : ver 10; S 1Co 1:8

How Homeschoolers Measure Up (A History of Amer. Education)

I found this graphic on Smockity Frocks and went to the source to see if I could use it here. They invite anyone to use it on their site, so hurrah! I found the history portion very interesting.

It was not surprising to read that on average, homeschooled students score in the 87% of standardized tests, and this score remained steady regardless of the families' yearly income, or education level of the parents. Anyone can homeschool well. Parental motivation is very high and the education is tailored to fit each child. Also, since children are not preoccupied with negative peer pressure or bullying, they're free to pursue keen interests and develop to their full capacity--intellectually, spiritually, morally, socially.

The chart states that the average homeschooling family spends $500 per child, and the average cost of public school is $9,963 per year. I have four children but I don't spend $2000 per year. If you buy used curriculum, you will spend a fourth to a third of the original prices. And remember, you'll save your purchases for younger children to grow into. Only consumables and sometimes DVD ROM's have to be purchased new.

Source: TopMastersInEducation.com

Homeschool and Mother's Journal

In my life this week:

I'm cleaning out closets and cupboards, preparing for my mother's visit and for my 90-year-old father-in-law's eventual move in here. He's in rehab after a fall that injured his shoulder. He lost overall strength and stamina and can't stand up on his own right now, but when he's strong enough to take a van ride from Florida to Ohio, my husband will pick him up.

Some friends will work on selling his house. His neighbor is considering buying it for her own elderly parents. Real Estate is moving slowly in his area (outside of Tampa a few miles from the Gulf), so the neighbor's interest is God's provision.

While my plan was only to clean and straighten closets and cupboards, the hamster's Friday night escape prompted deep cleaning under beds and furniture as well. This will be one clean house and hopefully hammy will show up or leave telltale signs of his hiding place (before he chews wiring and cords).

While I type, I'm listening for hamstery sounds.

After this, his second escape, he gets our large, escape-proof aquarium for a new home. No more handy dandy hamster cages that can't outsmart the rodents they house.

I'm also going through our hundreds of paperback picture books, deciding what to give away. There were far too many and they're so crowded in the shelves the girls don't reach for them; they reach for library books instead.

In our homeschool this week:

We schooled until August and have 4.5 weeks of vacation left. The boys still have to read for 45 minutes a day and read their Bibles, and Paul still plays the piano.

I also started the boys on The Message this week by Eugene Peterson. It's not the same as reading the Bible, but it's an excellent devotional for middle-grades children. I want all my children to read it at least once.

The girls and I are reading Mrs. Piggle Wiggle and some picture books, and I'm listening to Mary read easy readers so she won't lose ground in reading.

Homeschooling Tips or Advice to Share:

Do some deep cleaning and purging of clutter before school starts so the state of the house won't distract you and sabotage your homeschool consistency. I believe consistency is the most important predictor of success for homeschooling families.

My Favorite Thing This Week:

I've worked so physically hard this week that I'm straining to come up with a favorite--it wasn't exactly a fun week. Knowing how nice and trim our home will look when I'm done is what keeps me going.

I do remember the children charming the socks off a man at the post office and vice versa. He joked with them freely and they all giggled and giggled. When we got back in the van Miss Beth said she wanted to marry Tom (who was about 50ish). We know his name because Miss Beth introduced herself and her sibilings, and then Tom said, "Well, it's nice to meet you Beth. My name is Tom."

Then later when they were describing Tom's antics to Daddy, the boys referred to him as "a guy at the post office", to which Mary took offense. She said, "His name was Tom!"

My Kids' Favorite Thing This Week:

They schemed up a game in which they auction off rocks & pebbles, pretending they're precious stones. I gave them all the loose change I could find and they had a wonderful time playing this with a neighbor boy for a couple days. My four year old has been scouring drawers and cushions for more loose change.

Things I'm working on:
I'm working on praying about difficulties when they first hit the scene, instead of stressing first, praying second. Emotional energy drains out of me liberally when I forget to pray first. But when I give it to God, he's faithful to guide my steps and keep my mood steady and positive.

I never used to think about my emotional energy in terms of conservation techniques. The extent of my exhaustion and crankiness at the end of the day is directly related to how my body responded to discipline problems, everyday messes, and whatever else landed on my plate. The events were not the problem--my response was.

I can choose to kneel and pray and conserve (and even renew!) my strength, so that even at the last moments of the day, when I'm praying with kneeling children, I'm doing it with my whole heart, not wishing for everyone to fall asleep already because I. can't. take. another. second.

I want to finish well. Start well and finish well.

I'm also working on teaching the children the power of our words. Words do have power--to destroy or to build up. At the dinner table we say three nice things about the person sitting across from us, and the next day to the person at our right, and the next day to the peron at our left. We do the same thing after there's an argument--exchanging three positive and specific things we like about our housemate. By specific I mean they can't just say their sibling is nice--they have to describe what makes them nice.

I'm Grateful For:
My Jesus, my marriage, my four blessings, for being a keeper at home, for having the opportunity to bless my father-in-law and care for him in his lasts months and years, escorting him to the throne of grace from my home, not an impersonal nursing home where scripture is not read and love is not practiced.

I'm praying for...:

...family, friends, church, my own heart growth, my growth as a keeper of the home, my children's someday-spouses and marriages, sibling relations, neighborhood families, upcoming visits and changes to our daily life.

Quotes to Share:

The impression that a praying mother leaves upon her children is life-long. Perhaps when you are dead and gone your prayer will be answered. D.L. Moody

The mother's heart is the child's classroom. Henry Ward Beecher


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When Motherhood Feels Like Endless Work

Does the state of your closets and cupboards make you feel like a failure?

Mine do.

My mother is coming to visit and all my closets and cupboards are a wreck. And my father-in-law will be living with us soon, too. I need to make room for whatever he might bring, and yet we have no garage or basement and the shed, which is good-sized, just might still have mice so we only use it for the lawnmower, lawn tools and bikes.

I worked on two closets today...the worst two. They look great now but I have to decide what to give away and what to keep. Should I keep a second shower curtain on hand, or not? Should I save the kids' old comforters for really cold nights, as extra padding?

What is hoarding, exactly? Is it thinking you might use something someday, even though tomorrow hasn't been written yet? What about when the kids move out and I want different coverings on the beds? Shouldn't I save something to use then, or is that hoarding?  Should I trust God to provide guest-bed type coverings when the nest is empty?

Sorting through clutter is hard work and the temporary mess that results is stressful with curious kids getting into the piles, pleading with you to keep this and that.

And the folding of laundry. Till I reach the grave, that may remain one of my failures.

Sometimes I get so behind on folding laundry that I rent a movie from the library and we watch it as a family while I fold. Occasionally I even get help this way from hubby. During school the children help with folding but somehow that's fallen by the wayside with a school break upon us.

Tonight I did it differently. After the kids went to bed I watched Anne of Green Gables, The Sequel. I had so much folding that it took me all of one side of the DVD to finish my baskets.

At the end Anne kissed Gilbert and she said she didn't want a fancy house...just him. And I cried.

I cried for the Boston guy she rejected. I cried for her student, Emmeline, who would miss her so much.

Then I felt melancholy about Ann starting out a new life as a writer and then a wife. I want to feel that again.

Often marriage and kids feel like work. The romanticism passes away. The incredible excitement of getting engaged and having such hope for the future seems like eons away from my daily life now. I've done so much work today, for example...almost non-stop.

There's always so much work around the house, and so much work discipling my blessings. It's hard to find the time to enjoy just being with the kids.

The key to joy in the midst of very hard work is what?

I ask myself this question so often, and I work hard to answer it for myself too. And yet, the answer doesn't stay with me. Sometimes the dread of all the work feels bigger than the answer.

And then quiet time will come; God will speak his love into my heart. He will fulfill me for that hour, for that day, and suddenly I'm not thinking about the work anymore. I'm just thinking about bringing my first love, Jesus, his due glory. He loves a servant's heart and when I work without dread, when I work with a will to enjoy serving, he is glorified.

Yes, marriage and family are work. The intense joy over getting just the guy you always wanted passes away as you get dirty socks and underwear unrolled and ready for their bleaching.

Do you know that's my least favorite job? Unrolling yucky, filthy, germ-infested socks and underwear.

But everytime I pass them from the dryer to a basket, I'm amazed at the transformation. Fresh smell with all the caked-mud long gone. All the germs washed away.

When I feel melancholy about the work in my life, it's sin. When I want something more than the mundane, it's ingratitude. God knows how grateful I really am about my husband and children being here with me, sharing love and sorrow and joy and pain.

I get to be a mom and wife and I'm so excited about that, still.

Like the socks and underwear, I just need a soapy-bleachy wash to take me back to holiness.

That's what quiet time is, isn't it? A good soapy-bleachy wash? We come out white as snow, smelling so fresh, hearts ready to serve with a smile.

I love my life and my Jesus.

1 Corinthians 15:58Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

John 6:27Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you. For on him God the Father has placed his seal of approval.

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