Wanted: A Taste of Heaven This December

The kids all in bed for the night, I ran to the grocery store. Usually I shop Aldi's and Save A Lot, but they can't meet all our needs, so unfortunately I end up at Walmart once a week.

Arriving at the front entrance, I couldn't believe the live Christmas trees standing outside. Are you kidding? Live Christmas trees a week before Thanksgiving?

Then, upon entering, it was all Christmas, everywhere. Fake, fully-decorated trees, special towels, dishes, table linens, decorations, and poinsettias.

Regular readers probably already know I hate Christmas for what it is in this country. Every year around this time I sink into a depression and it takes me weeks to pull myself completely out, but all the while, the Lord is with me, talking me through it. I fully believe everything He tells me, but I still struggle, in my flesh.

Every new December I think surely I'm beyond these feelings emotionally and spiritually, by now?

But it's always that first trip into the fully decked out Walmart that gets me. Not five steps in, the feelings return and I immediately think, "I hate Christmas!"

Christmas is for the more fortunate, not the less fortunate, at least in this country. My family and I have many spiritual blessings and much to be grateful for, but financially, we're always barely making it, and Christmas, America's way, isn't for us.

Oh, I try. I do plenty of baking with the kids. I check out comforting, meaningful Christmas library books. I read lots of Scripture aloud. I buy cheap craft supplies to help keep us happily busy, creating traditions of our own.

But the kids know our Christmases are not like most American households--not like those of my childhood. As they become adults and consumers in their own right, they'll understand the special spiritual blessings that come from non-material Christmases, but right now, as young children, they feel deprived.

They have a sweetness about them that comes from not being indulged, and I treasure that. I truly do, and I know that to have money to indulge them even a little, would reduce some of that sweetness.

They know cognitively that they're blessed, but they have trouble fighting their feelings, as I do. December is probably our leanest financial month because of the extra holiday food and the few crafts that I buy, along with the extra baking and higher utilities. Food is more expensive than ever and our budget just can't be squeezed any further. Already every trip I wonder if I'll overspend and my debit card will be rejected.

This trip as I walked through aisle after aisle of Christmas reminders, it was incredibly hard, walking back to the drug aisle to put the vitamins away. Vitamins would have to wait until the next paycheck. The ten dollars was going to put me too close to a rejected debit card.

I'm too used to this to cry, but as I saw other people filling up their carts with a little of everything Christmas, my spirit groaned.

Yes, I choose this. We choose this. I can make more money teaching than my husband can as a low-wage custodian, but my heart is fully at home and his is not. Also, his ADHD would make it very difficult for him to run the house, the meals, the laundry, the paperwork, and the homeschool. And public school is so poor a choice from our spiritual standpoint, that we never consider putting the kids in a brick and mortar school.

Our situation is what it is. The longer we're married, the more I see parallels between my husband and my son, in regards to the ADHD and accompanying issues. Many people think of his Bible college degree and wonder, what happened? Why can't he do anything else?

Outside of neurological healing for my husband, our income will stay low, with some relief coming when my teacher retirement kicks in at 55.

That's a lot of Christmases and I don't want to feel this way every year, nor do my children. They anticipate the gifts from my mom and from Daddy's sister, and because we can't personally buy them gifts, I shudder to think of what will happen when my mother passes away and Christmas does too.

I purposely seek out meaningful Christmas reads, both online and in the library. I try to make Christmas about giving something immaterial. I know the true blessing...the coming of the long-awaited Savior we so desperately needed. We never stop needing Him and he is absolutely the Gift.

As long as I stay in my cozy home I feel this in my heart, and I see it resonate with my children and husband, too. In our personal space, except for the absence of Christian family, we're fine and blessed.

It's only when we venture out into the world, with it's prettily-wrapped Christmas all around us, that we experience the familiar pangs of sin. Because, yes, that's what this feeling is...this feeling deprived. It's sin, plain and simple, because we're not supposed to live as the world lives, or even want to. We're supposed to trade the prettily-wrapped Christmas with all it's cheerful, delightful trimmings, for the miracle in the barn.

Christmas is not gorgeous red or ivory tablecloths and the latest in tree fashion. It's not a sea of gifts or expensive trips to the Nutcracker Ballet, or the most beautiful holiday cards money can buy.

It's the baby in the barn. It's Hope, come in the flesh. It's the promise of everlasting life, where there are rooms in our Father's House waiting for us.

I won't find Walmarts in heaven selling merchandise I can't afford. I won't have to listen to my kids beg for outdoor Christmas lights, like everybody else has.

A meaningful Christian life is lived upside down. The first are last and the last are first. It hurts to be last, here on earth. We can be last in terms of income, last in the looks department, last in the status race, last in material blessings...last in everything that is of worldly value. But in heaven, the last will finally be first...hallelujah.

I know people who are more last than us, and for them too, I say hallelujah for Heaven.

It's during December that I most look forward to Heaven. It's during December that I come closest to fully understanding this: how we gain our life when we lose it.

It's hard to live outside the norm and feel deprived, but it's even harder to have everything that's worldly, and give it all up for Christ. Some people actually do that, like Katie Davis? They sell everything and give the proceeds to the poor, and then they follow Him.

I love you, Lord. I love your upside-down doctrine. I want to give up everything and follow you. Make the upside-down doctrine mine, too, down to my marrow. Infiltrate my heart and mind, and that of my children, and give us a taste of heaven this December.
 

Homeschool and Mother's Journal Nov. 15

In my life this week…

Our week started with a delightfully beautiful snow--about four inches!  The children were beyond excited and stayed out for a couple hours building snowmen and starting a snowfort. It warmed up too much over the next couple days, melting the beloved snowmen, but the beginnings of their snowfort took several days to melt entirely.

A week or so ago I bought a small sewing kit so I could hem some pants. The children discovered it and a fire started in their hearts. A sewing fire. It started with Mary asking me to teach her to sew (I was only taught to hem myself, not really sew). She was inspired by the Quiltmaker stories we read a couple weeks ago.

Now, a few days and one Hobby Lobby visit later, the three older children are sewing quilts for their stuffed animals. Their patience and diligence have amazed me all week. They've actually spent every spare minute sewing.

The carpet is full of thread and we now tread around in shoes because they can't quite keep track of their needles, but all in all, I'm thrilled they've discovered a handicraft just before winter sets in.

Here is Peter's first finished product. Sure, it's not the straightest quilt, but his stuffed bunny, beloved since Peter was two and kind of forgotten now, will be thrilled at the sudden attention, don't you think? He kept asking me if it's okay for boys to sew, and I told him he would someday have to hem and repair his own clothes, perhaps, so it's a good skill to develop.

My boys are loud and boisterous and can barely walk down the hall without an impromptu wrestling match, so a quiet activity thrills me to the point of happy dancing, whether it be reading, sewing, or playing board games. Mothers of boys unite! Quiet is a rarity and something we'll cherish until the empty nest, at which time it will be far too quiet, and we'll reminisce about those wrestling matches down the hallway.

Last Saturday was our dinner party for my aunts and uncles, and we had them snap a photo of us. Whole-family photos are hard to come by. Some of us are too silly, and one of us is too serious, but we're all in one frame. It got a little hot in the kitchen, cooking all that soup, so Mommy and Daddy are too shiny, but oh well.

I made a delicious potato soup for my own family the week before, but when I tried the same recipe in the crockpot the day of the party, it didn't work out. I had three other soups to serve, fortunately.

What's the secret to adding sour cream or other dairy to soups? The first time I had no trouble, but when I added the sour cream to the crockpot, it made a mess and curdled up, though we tasted it the next day and it was fine. Just too ugly to serve at a party. Will the veteran cooks out there let me in on the secret? Was the broth too hot? Was I supposed to wait a bit?

In our homeschool this week…

As part of Sonlight Eastern Hemisphere studies, the boys read a delightful, riveting story, The Kite Fighters, by Linda Sue Park, about Korea in the 1400's.



goodreads Synopsis: In Seoul, Korea, in 1473, Young-sup and his older brother Kee-sup are excited about the New Year kite competition. Young-sup is an expert at kite flying. He knows just what his kite wants him to do. Kee-sup has trouble handling his kite, but can build and design a kite fit for a king.

Each brother knows his own talents as they practice together for the New Year kite-fighting competition. But according to tradition, Kee-sup, the first-born son, must represent the family. Young-sup knows he must help his older brother and stay in second place. But that doesn’t stop him from hoping for the chance to show his great skill as a kite fighter.

During the reading and after, I kept hearing similar comments from both boys, "This is a really good book. The best of the year so far. I can't put it down!"

Now for what I'm reading aloud this week....

I absolutely love picture books! The feel and smell of them. The shiny covers, the illustrations...everything. So when I come across a book like The Lonely Book, by Kate Bernheimer, which captures the magic and charm of picture books, I simply must read it to my kids so they can understand their Momma just a little bit better. I will never stop loving picture books. They're for all ages and I want my children to treasure them always and pass that love on to the next generation.



goodreads synopsis: When a wonderful new book arrives at the library, at first it is loved by all, checked out constantly, and rarely spends a night on the library shelf. But over time it grows old and worn, and the children lose interest in its story. The book is sent to the library's basement where the other faded books live. How it eventually finds an honored place on a little girl's bookshelf—and in her heart—makes for an unforgettable story sure to enchant anyone who has ever cherished a book. Kate Bernheimer and Chris Sheban have teamed up to create a picture book that promises to be loved every bit as much as the lonely book itself.

Another delightful pick from the picture book section of the library is this masterpiece by Anders C. Shafer entitled The Fantastic Journey of Pieter Bruegel, sure to enhance your art history studies, or any studies featuring the 1500's.



goodreads synopsis: In the 1550s, a gifted young painter traveled south from Antwerp to study the art and ruins of Rome. He was Pieter Bruegel, now recognized as a Northern Renaissance master. His dangerous, beautiful journey changed his work forever.

Embracing what is known, Anders Shafer has envisioned Bruegel's two-year sojourn in a series of brilliantly imagined diary entries and colorful paintings. We see Bruegel joking with peasants, confronting thieves in mountain passes, caught in a naval battle, working in Rome, and more, always astutely observing and drawing human nature. This unusual book vividly evokes Bruegel's growing sensibility and shows how art carries our common humanity across the centuries. An Author's Note and a gallery of Bruegel art are included.

Black Cowboy Wild Horses: A True Story by Julius Lester is about a famous black cowboy and former slave, Bob Lemmons, whose tracking ability as a Texas cowboy was legendary. The prose is excellent, the images of the frontier beautiful, painted by Jerry Pinkney. This book captures a bit of American history and honors a famous black American.



From Publisher's Weekly: A spirit of freedom pervades the pages of this picture book, accompanied by the sound of thundering hooves and the feel of the heat and dust of the plains. Based on an incident in the life of Texas cowboy Bob Lemmons, the tale centers on his success in corralling a herd of wild mustangs with only the aid of his horse. Possessed of a legendary tracking ability, Lemmons, a former slave, follows the drove day and night, infiltrating the herd astride his black steed, Warrior. In a dramatic climax, he defeats the mustang stallion for possession of the herd. Lester and Pinkney, who previously collaborated on John Henry and Sam and the Tigers, reunite in an impressive display of teamwork, transporting readers, through the alchemy of visual and verbal imagery, to the heart of the action.... Notable for the light it sheds on a fascinating slice of Americana, this book is essential for anyone interested in the Wild West. Ages 5-up.

Jerry Pinkney, the illustrator, has been illustrating children's books since 1964, and has been the recipient of five Caldecott Honor Medals, a Caldecott Medal, and five The New York Times "Best Illustrated Books".

Having grown up in Southern California, I went to school with black students and other ethnic and cultural groups representing the melting pot that is America. But my children, growing up in semi-rural Ohio, aren't exposed to as many races, so I strive to bring home books that help them understand the varied cultures that represent America.

Last but not least is a fun book about winter, told in delightful rhyme about a boy who loves winter, contrasted with his sister, who can't stand it...until the end. This book is fun, fun, fun! Especially when followed up by steaming cups of hot chocolate.

Oh, doesn't that sound cozy? Excuse me while I go prepare a cup for myself...


Publisher Synopsis:

Winter is for sledding,
friends, snowmen, penguins!
Winter is for snow!

In a rambunctious ode to everything winter, two siblings explore a snowy wonderland . . . and end up in the cozy warmth of family. Delve into Robert Neubecker's expressive and rejuvenating illustrations that celebrate snow and the coziness of friends and family at home. Only Robert Neubecker's magic touch could make kids love winter this much!

Helpful homeschooling tips or advice to share…

As you look over the labor of love that is homeschooling at week's end, don't think about the lessons you never got around to, but remember instead what you did do to further their heart growth. Did you fit in devotional time? Did you discuss Scripture and how to apply it to their daily lives? Did you pray together many times? Did you use your time wisely, as to be a role model for your children? Did you humble yourself to apologize when you were wrong? Did you ask for God's help? These are the things the Lord looks upon. He doesn't add up the lessons we missed and give us an F. He smiles upon the hard work of putting Him first in all we do. He knows how hard this is, and how much the enemy fights us on it at every turn.

If we put Him first--the most significant act of our will ever--he will fill in all the gaps and make successful all our other parenting endeavors, including the academic ones. I honestly believe this to my core. With Him at the lead, we cannot go wrong.

My favorite thing this week was…

Watching the children sew to their heart's delight. Seeing the excitement in their eyes as their projects grew. And watching my littlest one, Beth, age almost 5, play with her dollies serenely while the older ones sewed their free time away. She just accepted that she was too young for needles--something I thought would be a fight.

My kiddos favorite thing this week was…

The snow and the sewing.

Things I’m working on…

...My winter wardrobe. I prefer to wear skirts and dresses, but my main supply happens to be summer and spring styles and colors. I shop exclusively at thrift stores and I'm having trouble finding as many feminine choices for winter. Most of the skirts and dresses in thrift stores are too trendy and short, so recent trips have been frustrating.

I did have a little money in my paypal account from selling curriculum though, so I used it to buy two long jean skirts on ebay. They were like new and not too expensive, except for the shipping. Now I have four long jean skirts I keep mixing and matching with sweaters or long sleeve shirts. I prefer them because I don't have the budget to buy skirts that fail to match a lot of other things. And with jean skirts, I don't have to wear a particularly dressy or uncomfortable shoe, and there's generally no ironing involved. Around the house I wear flats with the long skirts, and when I leave the house this time of year in a skirt, I change into long boots.

Once at the end of the summer I put on cropped, ankle-length jeans because I was behind on laundry--after weeks of skirts and dresses only. My four year old said, "Mommy, why are you wearing those pants? I can't tell if you're a mommy or a daddy in those."

That was about the strangest thing any of my children has ever said to me, but it drove home that femininity is important to me. I want to look different than my husband. I love being a woman.

I won't force my girls to dress either way, especially since we have a muddy yard much of the year, but I do want to present a feminine model for them to follow when they start purchasing their own clothes. Beth already prefers dresses, but Mary is a tomboy and loves the outdoors too much to feel comfortable in dresses as a rule right now, and I usually have Beth change out of her dresses when she's ready to go outside, to keep them nice and stain-free.

I’m grateful for…

~ the times I write a post and the Internet works long enough for me to post it in its entirety, which apparently isn't going to happen tonight. I'll have to copy this now and paste it into a post when the Internet is working again.

~ my children's zest for life...all of it...winter, spring, summer, fall.

~ picture books

~ Mary is printing better and I don't have to stay right with her anymore, to make sure she doesn't start her letters from the bottom.

~ my husband's strong, warm arms

~ Christian friends

~ another new baby will join us in the church nursery this week. Another two-month-old. Can't wait to hold her!

~ Mary praying to find a grasshopper in the yard yesterday, and the Lord giving her three! Imagine that? Grasshoppers still around after a snow! Only the Lord could make that happen. I love that Mary prays whenever she needs help with anything.

~ My boys behaving far better at bedtime. Been more peaceful around here at night lately. I have them turning in earlier and getting up earlier.

~ winter comfort food to look forward to

~ time in the kitchen with my children (or husband)


A quote to share...

Proverbs 16:3 Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established.

Thank you for reading here today! How was your week?      

When You Feel Discouraged

Suppose I asked you to list three forms of suffering in your current life? Which trials would you deem the most serious? Can you even think of three, or are there far more?

I ponder this myself at a discouraging time. Trying not to sink into self-pity--which I consider a grave sin--I'm comparing my trials to my blessings, and guess which come out on top?

I started a daily dose of the antidepressant drug Elavil (25 mg) nearly two weeks ago to fight my migraines, and I've had a headache every day since, two of which caused me to miss appointments (speech for the kids, and helping in AWANA). I read such rave reviews about this drug's ability to fight migraines, that I never considered it might not work for me.

I know it sometimes takes time for a drug to be therapeutic, but still, I'm discouraged. Canceling things makes me feel like a failure; I don't like to let people down. They probably don't consider that it's the sin curse letting them down, and not me?

I have to wonder if it would be better to stay on the rebound headache pattern and just take a daily dose (or two) of Tylenol and caffeine. Surely those are better for the body than a daily antidepressant? Am I gaining anything by trying to fight this with prescription drugs, and adding side effects into the mix?

In the past I rejected the idea of prescription migraine drugs because I was either nursing a baby or pregnant (2001-2013). Suddenly, Tylenol and caffeine (1000 milligrams and 128 milligrams, respectively) don't seem so bad. In the past, fewer of my headaches landed me in bed, so I'm going backwards.

That's my story today, and I'm sure you have one too.

What can we cling to when life seems so hard? How do we fight discouragement?

Here's what I'm clinging to, and maybe you can add your own list in the comments?

1. Paul the Apostle tells me my troubles are momentary (and I believe him).

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

2. I am not alone in my suffering.

We shouldn't be grateful that our troubles are less serious than the next person's. Should our gratitude really lie in comparing ourselves and deciding we come out on top in terms of suffering? Is that true gratitude...to be grateful I only have to take medicine, rather than living my whole life in a wheelchair? Or learning that I'm dying from cancer? If gratitude lies in comparisons, what does the dying cancer patient have to be grateful for, or the wheelchair patient, or the Indian girl sold into slavery?

Instead, I gain perspective by remembering that all humanity suffers. I'm not alone in feeling that life is very hard sometimes. It's very hard for all of us. The good news is that because Jesus became flesh, he can identify with our earthly suffering. We are never alone.

3. I can bring Glory to God through my suffering.

All people suffer, yes, but they don't all suffer well. With the power of the Holy Spirit, through prayer, I can manage my suffering well, to the glory of God. I can refuse to wallow in self-pity; I can count my blessings. I can focus on others, not on myself. In the midst of a headache, I can lay low and pray and pray and pray. Illness stops us in our tracks; sometimes we need a kick in the pants to embrace a life of prayer.

I mentioned that I feel like a failure when pain causes me to cancel things, but in truth, what really makes me a failure? I'm a failure when I live for myself, rather than for God. If God wants me to have headaches so I can better my prayer life, then He has my full blessing. I submit to your will, Lord.

4. Suffering gives birth to compassion.

Cross references:

1. 2 Corinthians 1:3 : Eph 1:3; 1Pe 1:3
2. 2 Corinthians 1:4 : Isa 49:13; 51:12; 66:13; 2Co 7:6, 7, 13
3. 2 Corinthians 1:5 : Ro 8:17; 2Co 4:10; Gal 6:17; Php 3:10; Col 1:24; 1Pe 4:13

2 Corinthians 1:3-5 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.

Whenever I come across someone who suffers chronic pain, my heart aches for them in ways it never would had migraine never entered my life. I think of them and pray for them often, and this in itself is gift. It takes my focus off of me, which is victory.

5. Suffering tests my faith.

John Piper on suffering: "All experiences of suffering in the path of Christian obedience, whether from persecution or sickness or accident, have this in common: they all threaten our faith in the goodness of God and tempt us to leave the path of obedience. Therefore, every triumph of faith and all perseverance in obedience are testimonies to the goodness of God and the preciousness of Christ -- whether the enemy is sickness, Satan, sin or sabotage.

Therefore all suffering, of every kind, that we endure in the path of our Christian calling is a suffering "with Christ" and "for Christ." With him in the sense that the suffering comes to us as we are walking with him by faith, and in the sense that it is endured in the strength that he supplies through his sympathizing high-priestly ministry (Hebrews 4:15). For him in the sense that the suffering tests and proves our allegiance to his goodness and power, and in the sense that it reveals his worth as an all-sufficient compensation and prize."

Yes, I have headaches. But I also have...

...a Heavenly Father who loves me with a wild and beautiful grace.

...the Holy Spirit as a down payment on my eternal inheritance.

...a new heart in Christ.

...victory over my sin nature.

...eyes that spiritually see.

...everyday graces in my children and my husband.

...fellow believers to share my burdens with (that's you, friends, and thank you!).

...the Bible as the living Word of God.

...the ability to truly love, through Him.

...forgiveness.

...His faithfulness.

...His power.

...His Truth.

Dear friends, how rich we are! Hallelujah.

Making Peace With Your Problematic Child, Part 2

As we resume our talk about difficult children, I want to begin with a few preventative measures that help keep meltdowns and horrid days at bay.

Establish Routine:

All children benefit from a daily routine, but with high-needs children this is especially important. They're less able to adjust to change, so once they realize we've mixed things up, their stress levels elevate and poor behavior emerges. Think of it this way: When a child's internal regulators are faulty or immature, causing the child to act impulsively, a routine, predictable environment functions as a substitute regulator. When we mess with their substitute regulator, they're lost and frustrated.

I'm the first to admit that it's hard to get up every day and do the same things in the same order, but this is what most kids need to feel secure.

For example, if I'm behind on bill paying and I'm forced to sit down in the morning and get paperwork ready for mailing, my children will notice the change of routine, and sure enough, within twenty minutes I'll see behavior problems.

Routine is comforting to kids, not boring, but most of them can't articulate or understand this. When they get cranky, they don't always know why.

When I was teaching first grade the worst behavior I saw came on specialty days (field trips, awards-assembly days, field days, and during holiday celebrations). It's wonderful to give kids something to look forward to, but be ready for a more taxing day and try to prepare them ahead of time for the altered schedule.

Relaxation:

High-needs kids also need more time to relax--a segment of their day they can use as they wish, with no demands placed on them. They can't handle as much errand-running or as many extra-curricular activities. It's temping to think that if we keep kids busy enough, they'll stay out of trouble. But how do we feel when every minute of our day is filled? Cranky, right?

Johnny may swear up and down that he wants to play soccer this season, but does he really understand what the new schedule will look and feel like? Can he predict that it's going to make everything feel rushed (homework, dinner, bedtime...everything)?

It helps to remember that unlike us, children have little control over their schedules and that in itself can be difficult, especially for strong-willed children. Give them a segment of time each day to call their own, and if they need assistance coming up with free time ideas, you can help them brainstorm a list of available options, emphasizing that the goal is to relax.

Positive Feedback--Running Journal Conversations:

I mentioned last time that I wanted to discuss ways to counteract negativity in daily interactions. One way to do this is to keep a running journal conversation going with your child. Sit down at night after all are in bed, and write a letter to your child, recording what he did that impressed you or made you feel proud. Tell her how much you love her, and how blessed you are to be her mom. Also, if your child is old enough to write back, respond to the last entry he wrote in the journal, and try including key Bible verses that will help your child feel the depth of God's love for him.

This is a time to say all those lovely things you were too stressed to say during the day. They really need to be said and a journal is perfect for this. When they're in trouble frequently during the day, the positives get lost in the fray while mom or dad are trying to recover emotionally and mentally from frequent altercations.

Often, the more we get upset, the less they feel loved, and the more unloved they feel, the more they misbehave, even if they can't articulate exactly why. It's a vicious circle that must be broken by an explosion of positive feedback.

Positive Feedback--Fill Their Emotional Cups:

Carve out a few minutes during the day to fill up their emotional cups, starting in the morning. Some kids might enjoy a hug and a loving morning greeting, others a story, others a cup of cocoa and some conversation. The more children you have, the harder this is to fit in, but it really does work.

When our husbands, for example, take the time to fill our emotional cups, doesn't it set the tone for a lovely morning? We all need this.

Positive Feedback--Stop comparing:

It goes without saying that kids don't appreciate being compared negatively with their siblings or peers. Deal with the issue at hand without bringing in hurtful comparisons. When we blow this, we need to offer an apology quickly.

For one thing, when we compare, children get the impression that they're the cause of all the trouble in our lives--as though without them, life would be peachy. What a way to empty their emotional cups and invite more trouble!

Positive Feedback--Daily Impromptu Prayer Sessions:

Sit down with your child as soon as you feel the stress level rising between you. Hold hands and pray together, asking God to intervene in your relationship. Your child will appreciate that you care enough to ask God for help, and she will learn that God is your strength and your song, and that this same close God-relationship is available for her too.

Positive Feedback--Finish Strong:

If your child's a handful at bedtime, this one is especially hard, but try to finish the day strong in the Lord. Even if the last minutes are strife-filled, take a few minutes to calm down, and then walk back into their bedroom and kneel and pray together. Humbling ourselves before God in this way, hearts as one, reminds us that we're in this together, and even though Satan is trying hard to bring us down, we will still triumph if we lock hands and hearts with the Father.

Something to take with you....It takes a lot of positive feedback to counteract everyday mistakes made while parenting high-needs, high-maintenance children. We have to take responsibility before God for our parenting mistakes, and ask Him to direct our path as we work to accentuate the positive and leave negative relationship patterns behind.

Very often, when there's a difficult child in the home, there are also broken relationship patterns that need fixing. We are not the cause of our child's difficult issues or difficult personality, but we can certainly be part of the problem.

Prayer and humility go a long way. Praise God that we serve a gracious Father who's always willing to give us a fresh start.

To recap:

~ Establish Routine
~ Ensure Relaxation
~ Have Journal Conversations
~ Fill Their Emotional Cups
~ Stop Comparing
~ Impromptu Prayer Sessions When Stress Levels Rise
~ Finish Strong in the Lord

What works in your home? Do you have a high-needs child?

Homeschool and Mother's Journal Nov 8

In my life this week…

This week I'm preparing for a dinner party, which is a brave undertaking for me. Normally I have only one or two people over at a time, but this time two sets of aunts and uncles are coming, and possibly a single friend.

My dad's mom and my mom's mom were placed in the same nursing home in Ohio years ago, and miraculously, they ended up in the same room.  My family lived in CA at that time, where I was going to college.

Thrown together often due to frequent nursing home visits, were my dad's sister and my mom's sister. These two aunts became friends and have remained close for the past twenty-two years, and it's these ladies and their husbands who will grace our home this Saturday. We don't see them often, although they live quite close; one had 6 children and the other had 4, so their families and grandkids keep them plenty busy.

Of all the things I could make to feed 11 people--with most of the work done ahead of time--I decided on a soup and salad and bread bar. Thus, I have four soups to prepare, two different kinds of breads, and a large salad with side fixings, plus a chocolate cake to prepare. One aunt is also bringing a dessert.

I decided on these soups:

potato soup with bacon
sausage tortellini soup
navy bean with ham
taco soup (with milder Rotel this time around)

And these breads:

honey corn bread
pumpkin bread
whole wheat french bread

And then of course, there's the house and the four kids to wrangle with as well, which is why I don't often entertain on larger scales.

Paul will play 3 songs on the piano for entertainment, and the girls and Peter will recite Bible verses they've learned in AWANA, and possibly a silly Thanksgiving turkey song. Only one of my aunts is Christian--only four Christians exist in my entire clan, both sides included--but I decided that leaving out the verses for the sake of the non-Christian aunt and uncle would be as though I'm ashamed of the Gospel.

At any rate, I'm praying for hearts to receive His truth.

My 90-year-old father-in-law is still in the rehab center in Florida. They keep pushing back his release date for various reasons. He wants to go back to his Florida home, living alone with part-time hired help, but that is not what doctors recommend for him. He already had a second fall, this time in the rehab center bathroom. He can't stand hands-free without losing his balance, so they have an alarm and device on his bed to prevent him from getting up without help.

We call him several times a week, and those conversations can be stressful because he's just so stubborn, though I understand him feeling like a prisoner. He doesn't want to live with us, or in an assisted living facility near us. His decision puts pressure on his neighbors, which bothers us because it should be family shouldering any burden of his care, not neighbors.

But, we can't force him and the assisted-living facilities charge an average of $3500 a month, which is not covered by medicare (only nursing homes are). He has enough money but feels sick about giving it to these facilities, which provide only mediocre care at best, due to hiring low-wage workers with high turn-around.

We have much to pray about and we have to cling to the Father in hope. We want my father-in-law's last years to be full of dignity, and yet we can't move down there for various reasons. His house is a tiny one-bedroom with bonus sunroom, for one thing.

In our homeschool this week…

The boys have added Sadako and the Thousand Paper Cranes by Eleanor Coerr, as we hang out in Japan this week. I cried and cried at this story and I feel for the boys as they near the ending. It's yet another reminder that war is devastating and ugly and should never be taken lightly. As we read the news about various wars, it's far different than delving into the story of one person affected by the events.

Personal stories help children learn the most facts and uncover all the layers of a topic, more effectively than non-fiction at some levels, and I'm glad Sonlight includes both for our enrichment.



Scholastic Synopsis: Two-year-old Sadako Sasaki was living in Hiroshima when the atom bomb was dropped. Sadly, ten years later, she was diagnosed with leukemia, also known as "atom bomb disease."

There is a Japanese legend that says that if a sick person folds 1,000 paper cranes, the gods will make her well again. Sadako spent long hours in bed, folding those paper cranes, and never giving up that hope. When Sadako had folded six hundred and forty-four cranes, and they hung above her bed on strings, her classmates folded the rest.

Today there is a memorial in Hiroshima Peace Park dedicated to Sadako. Children come there and leave the paper cranes they make in her honor.

Sadako and the Thousand Paper Cranes is based on a true story.

As my children delve into Sonlight's Eastern Hemisphere package, they're learning about other religions (and cultures) with the purpose of praying for the lost and better understanding the depth of their confusion and deception. Most of the nations they're learning about are in the 10/40 missionary window--the largest concentration of unreached people groups of the world.

The purpose is not to accept that every nation has its own religion and that's okay. Instead, they're learning that we can show respect for all people while still praying they'll come to know Truth. Buddhism is the most difficult, so far, and it does bother Peter's OCD to read about it, but we're getting through it.

Islam, Judaism and Christianity are similar in that they share some Bible scripture beginnings, with the first two departing from Christianity at some point in the Old Testament.

Other School News: After lunch each day we read a Thanksgiving book, and then make a construction paper leaf, writing on it what we're thankful for that day. We then tape it on a Thanksgiving Tree my Paul designed on white butcher paper. You could make this quite elaborate, but we're simple here most of the time.

The children and I are really enjoying this, and wanted to recommend some Thanksgiving books for you. I've always loved teaching the Thanksgiving story, and I admit to owning all of these books and more over the years.




The Thanksgiving Story, by Alice Dalgliesh

Publisher Synopsis: Dagliesh and Sewell received praise for the clarity and immediacy of their picture book, a hit of the season in 1954. Today's children, beginners and advanced readers, will value the story about one family's first Thanksgiving in the Plymouth Colony, strikingly present in stylized, naive pictures like colored etchings. Giles, Constance and Damaris Hopkins are aboard the Mayflower, overcrowded when the Speedwell turns back to England. On the journey, the children's baby brother is born and named Oceanus; he will be one of the smallest in the company of settlers who endure the terrible first year in the New World and gather to celebrate the harvest the next November. The story ends with the great feast to which the colonists invited the Indian chief Massasoit, Squanto and their people who had helped the strangers survive hunger, cold and sickness.



N. C. Wyeth's Pilgrims, text by Robert San Souci

Publisher Synopsis: The adventurous saga of the settling of the Plymouth Colony is strikingly portrayed in this magnificent book. Spectacular paintings by renowned artist N.C. Wyeth, gloriously bring to life the carefully researched text by well known children's book author Robert San Souci. The story of the Pilgrims, including the first Thanksgiving, is a central part of America's history and, over the course of time, it has taken on an almost mythical quality. Drawing upon a variety of resources, including the author's trip to the Plimouth Plantation, the text dispels some popular misconceptions about the setting of our nation as it broadens our understanding of the bravery and determination of our forebears. A beautiful artbook as well as an informative history book, N.C Wyeth's Pilgrims belongs in every home, library, and classroom.



The Very First Thanksgiving Day, by Rhonda Gowler Greene

Publisher Synopsis: The story of the first Thanksgiving celebration, told in cumulative rhyme, introduces young readers to America's most beloved national tradition, which began with a shared feast to rejoice in the bounty of the land, new beginnings, and peace between two societies.

Exquisite paintings by Susan Gaber transport the reader back to the earliest days of American history with meticulous detail and breathtaking imagery. Sure to be a yearly favorite, The Very First Thanksgiving Day will resonate with readers young and old on this day for thanks and blessings.

Samuel Easton's Day: A Day in the Life of a Pilgrim Boy, by Kate Waters

Publisher Synopsis: Samuel Eaton is a young boy living in an early American settlement in the year 1627, and today is the day he will help with his first rye harvest! If he can prove to his father he's up to the task, he will be able to help with all of the harvest. But harvesting rye is even more difficult than he expected. Was he foolish to think he could do a man's work?

Text and photographs follow a six-year-old Pilgrim boy through a busy day during the spring harvest in 1627: doing chores, getting to know his Wampanoag Indian neighbors, and spending time with his family.

Sarah Morton's Day: A Day in the Life of a Pilgrim Girl, by Kate Waters

Publisher Synopsis: At sunup when the cockerel crows, young Sarah Morton's day begins. Come and join her as she goes about her work and play in an early American settlement in the year 1627.
There's a fire to build, breakfast to cook, chickens to feed, goats to milk, and letters and scripture to learn. Between the chores, there is her best friend, Elizabeth, with whom she shares her hopes and dreams. But Sarah is worried about her new stepfather. Will she ever earn his love and learn to call him father?



The First Thanksgiving, by Garnet Jackson

Publisher Synopsis: When the Pilgrims landed in New England, many died during the first harsh winter. This easy-to-read story describes the first Thanksgiving celebration and tells how Native Americans helped the Pilgrims through that first difficult year.



The Pilgrim's First Thanksgiving, by Ann McGovern

Publisher Synopsis: Elroy Freem (the pseudonym of a popular children's book artist) gives this reissue of a favorite story new life. Teachers, parents, and children will give thanks for this easy-to-read, larger format book with lively, full-color illustrations.

This particular book is full of rich details; I feel the above synopsis doesn't do it justice.



The First Thanksgiving, by Linda Hayward

Publisher Synopsis: Young readers start the familiar story behind our tradition of Thanksgiving Day in England in 1620, when the Pilgrims are setting sail for far-off America, leaving behind friends and safe homes. The reasons for their journey, the trials they endure while at sea, and all of their amazing adventures are detailed in this easy-to-read book.                                                                                                                                    



On the Mayflower: Voyage of the Ship's Apprentice & a Passenger Girl, by Kate Waters

School Library Journal Synopsis: Photographed on the Mayflower II, a replica of the original ship, this fourth book in an acclaimed series charts the high seas friendship of two young passengers. "Well written, designed, and photographed." — School Library Journal

Helpful homeschooling tips or advice to share…

When I can't think of a specific tip, I like to just say...pray, pray, pray. It's the single best course of action for any homeschooling mother. It ensures that God's will is alive in our homeschool.

Places we’re going and people we’re seeing…

We went to Beth's three-month rheumatology check, and thankfully, they aren't increasing any of her medicines, though her swelling is up. They told me they expect arthritis flares after any surgery (she had her tonsils out last July). She is getting around pretty well and not complaining of pain, so I am very, very, thankful.

We don't go a lot of places or sign up for a lot of events, because the minute we prepare for an outing and leave the house, we lose academic time. As most of you well know, it's hard to get back in the groove with school after an outing. We choose very carefully how we'll spend our time, making sure the children have far more down time than running around time. Every family is different, but we're happy in our home together. The kids generally hate driving around unless it's for a seasonal field trip.

My favorite thing this week was…

Mary, age 6, made up a worship song stanza, which delighted me. I've also enjoyed every Thanksgiving reading segment this week.

And every time I sit down with my children individually to study AWANA verses, I'm so blessed. We sit in a rocker together and make it a special cuddling time.

My kiddos favorite thing this week was…

They love company, so I can tell you ahead of time they'll say having a dinner party was their favorite.

Things I’m working on…

I'm losing the migraine battle, so I began again taking the Elavil I wrote about a few weeks ago (a daily preventative medicine). I'm working on getting over the grief that this is even necessary, and trying to be patient as my body gets used to the medicine.

I’m cooking…

crockpot black bean soup
whole baked chicken
homemade chicken noodle soup
shepherd's pie
sausage marinara spaghetti
tortellini soup
potato soup
crockpot navy bean soup
taco soup

I’m grateful for…

~ a Compassion letter from Burkina Faso

~ a warm home for these cold November days (first real snow on its way, I'm told)

~ a husband who listens

~ sweet kids growing in the Lord

~ grace for the hard days

~ children who forgive each other

~ a huge leaf pile (Peter's hard work, mostly)

~ Peter offering to rake and gather the neighbor's leaves, and doing a good, thorough job. They didn't say thank you (he told them it was for his leaf compost), but I praised him for his hard work and diligence.

~ pumpkin smells in the kitchen

~ looking forward to fellowship with aunts and uncles

A quote to share...

Proverbs 16:3
Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.

Thank you for reading. Have a wonderful day!





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